racemomss

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I am making it. But I have to admit... Head games are running wild.. What I wouldn't give for a Totinos supreme frozen pizza!!! I just want to bite down on that and chew chew chew... but I know better. I will make it.. One day I can have a bite but not in the near future. I wonder if the surgeon could send some signals to my brain to forget about the old food and make me crave the healthy kind? I will focus one day at a time. Good thing I have a busy week ahead or else it would be much harder. On a posive note... I had a co worker offer me a home made huge chocolate chip cookie.. I could smell the buttery chocolately goodness.. I politely declined and thanked her anyways. That is a first for me!!!!

Well I am enjoying my last few days of freedom before I start my liquid diet on Wednesday. Today it hit me. Things will soon be very different. I am nervous and excited. It amazes me just how much food has been a major part of my social life. Planning time with friends has always been about food and drinks. Now for me it will be about company and conversation. NO longer will food dictacte my life. It will be a fuel and necessity only to benefit my body not harm it.

Today marks 2 weeks until I am in surgery with the new and improved me to be set free! I have been really down lately but tonight I decided its time to start putting all this research to use and get my but in gear to get ready. Soooo I went to Walmart and did some protein shopping and after surgery preparations started. Funny thing is when I was in the protein section and this random woman came up to me asking about different protein powders and what some options where. Boy did I know those answers! It felt great to actually share my research and help her understand a little more about protein.. I even impressed my kids as they walked away with me they said wow mom how do you know so much about this? Definately a improved attitude for today!!

Today I am in a mood. I am trying to get my house organized before surgery which happens to be the first week of school. I feel out of my usual optimistic self. I know I am on a emotional rollercoaster but I wonder what things will be like. My past failure with weight loss and things in my personal life (choices in men) have me questioning myself. I want the new improved healthy me to come out but will it really happen? I know a lot of people in my situation have the same questions. I guess I have the blues. Come on surgery! I am tired of this weight making my knee worse. I can't stand around and walk a lot which makes me irritable to for a 40 year old. Just not happy. I will pull thru this I just needed to vent. 17 more days.. oh please hurry...