12 weeks out

Dec 03, 2011

 Well, good stuff first!!  I am less than a pound away from losing 70 pounds total!  My BMI has dropped 11 points.  I am only 3 pounds away from being under 300 pounds again!!  That's been at least 6 years maybe 7 since I've been able to say that.  Clothes are all getting so loose.  I have a few things from what used to be tight that I can wear but making a trip to a second hand store is something I need to go check out.  That's a hardship I can deal with though!!  So funny how i never thought I could lose like this, being so used to weight loss failure, I had in the back of my doubting little mind that even with surgery there was no way anything could or would work for me.  I have to say that this time, I LOVE being wrong!!

I have adjusted to how I have to eat for the rest of my days and it is so funny how what I can't eat is becoming less of a focus and fueling my body with what it needs is becoming a more natural feeling.  I think being able to move around better and having more energy leaves me less time to sit around and think about food.  I like this person I am morphing into. Every once in awhile part of my mind still wants to sabbotage my efforts but i shut that bitch up in a hurry now!!!  LOL!!  Regular exercise is still a demon I am conquering.  I love moving around but need to find something besides walking that I can enjoy doing so that it isn't something I dread and put off doing.  Will be working on that exclusively in the days to come.

The emotional roller coaster part of this is mind blowing!! I have wonderful and supportive family and friends out there for which I am thankful.  Marriage issues that were there before and just swept under the rug because it was easier to soothe with food than to face head on are now being dealt with so we'll see what happens there.  I am 100 percent committed to doing whatever it takes to make it work but husband has what i think is some major depression that is not all related to marriage so until he works those out for himself I don't think he can work on the issues in the marriage.  I think it is possible to work anything out since there are no infidelity or abuse issues.  He says he's not happy and isn't sure he is in love with me. Feels very confused and has a hard time talking about it.  I am at peace with whatever happens since know where I went wrong and have been addressing that head on by being a better wife to him.  I feel like if I show him who I am becoming and what I can be then, even if it doesn't work out, I can hold my head high knowing I did all I could to save it.  Time will tell on this one and we both agreed we have the time to work on it and it won't be fixed overnight.  I just have to calm down and stop my need for instant results.  I have realized many good things about myself on this weight loss journey and many flaws that I need to work on.  I feel very hopeful about my personal future and have decided nothing will de-rail me on what i need to do for myself.  It felt so selfish to say that at first but I am coming to realize that sometimes making yourself a priority isn't a bad thing.  

My 3 month check up with the nutritionist and PA is in one week so here's hoping i hit below that 300 mark by then. I will bust butt to do it but am still proud of what I've accomplished so far even if I don't!! I win either way!!  Who knew I could do this!!!

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