Aug 28, 2013
So, they tell you that the recovery time is 4-12 weeks. I never really listen to that. I hear 4 weeks and assume that I'll be absolutely great at 4 weeks. Why I live in that denial is beyond me, but well... yeah.
So, life sucks sometimes still. My original plan was to start back working 4 hours per day on 9/1. I'm currently managing 1 hour per day, sometimes anyway. I'll make the final decision and inform my clients tomorrow, but I honestly don't see that happening. I'm kind of hanging on by a thread.
The 2 weeks of oral dilaudid they sent me home with I think helped get over the worst of it because my pain level was just way too high. Honestly, I wonder if they shouldn't have left me in the hospital for a few more days. But I made it.
I'm doing better than I was even a week ago. I'm making an effort to walk (shuffle sometimes) often. I get a little dizzy and need help stepping up on curbs sometimes. I overdo it a lot. I still want to go-go-go, but my family is doing everything they can to keep me from doing too much, but let's face it... I'm one of the most stubborn people in the world so it's not an easy task. LOL!
I have really good days and really bad days. Yesterday was really bad. I was in a bad place, mentally, I hurt and I just wanted off the crazy train. 4 weeks is a LONG time to deal with this. The fact that I could have 8 more weeks of this, slowly recovering is daunting, but I'm doing the best I can.
My weight is now 159.5. Not happy with that. I'm not really sure why. No, that's a lie - I kind of know why. I'm eating a few things I shouldn't, but the big thing is liquid calories. I went on a woe-is-me milkshake per day binge and then a Starbucks frappe per day binge. I think I'm going to try to start logging again today. Some of that weight is definitely from the surgery. I have a pretty large swollen area on top of one of my incisions. But all of that is NOT. I know it's not all "real" because once I start getting closer to 160, I usually start losing stomach wrinkles and they are all still there. But I still know part of this is my fault.
BUT I'm being kind to myself over this. It's okay. I haven't screwed it up forever and I did what I had to take care of my mental health. Yes, I fell back to food for that, but 30+ years of programing myself to eat when I'm upset to "fix" the problem isn't going to happen overnight. I'm going to pick myself back up and move forward. Yes, I'll likely slide back again, but I'm over my "red line" already and getting close to the danger zone of my weight so I have to start trying harder and in earnest.
I'm doing okay. I'm not great. I hurt. The percoset and valium make me tired and loopy and pretty useless. But my family is great. My daughter has been making sure I get coffee in the morning since school has started back. I wake up at 6am, take my meds and then doze until 6:45 or 7 when I the pain has subsided enough for me to get up. I can't drive her to school, but I like to ride with them.
So, that's the update. I'll be okay. Just in a bad place that I'm working my way up out of and that's okay too.