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Approaching 4.5 years out next month.  My gosh, I am hungry and active and can eat very much like a regular person (note, this is still much less than I used to eat since I never ate like a normal person before wls).

I have been leaning towards vegetarianism and now mostly eating vegan, primarily in response to my deepening committment to Buddhism.  I am feasting on vegetables, fruit, tempeh, tofu, beans, lentils, nutritional yeast, nuts and seeds, vegetarian protein powders and lots of supplements (maca, spirulina, kale powder, my usual wls vitamins, chia seeds, flax meal, probiotic supplement).

I am willing to bring dairy and eggs back into my diet if I am feeling out of balance, have bloodwork issues or feel like I'm lacking in protein, amino acids, etc.  But so far, I think the plant based eating style is the best one for me keep the weight off for life.

I am still exercising regularly.  My lowest weight was 134 and I regained and have now seemed to plateau for about 8 months at 160.  I'm 5'11 tall, so hope to stay at this weight for life and then I will still be in my healthy BMI range.  I am recovering from an eating disorder that only intensified post-wls.  I am finding the plant based way of eating to be very helpful.  The complex carbs in the beans really reduces my sugar cravings and I'm not binge eating anymore.  I have stopped tracking on myfitnesspal as I was calorie obsessed.  Instead, I am simply writing down everything that I eat as a means to stay mindful.  The only tracking I do is regarding protein grams.

Life is better in many ways because I am more healthy, more physically active and don't experience discrimination or stigma regarding my weight anymore.  I am generally less self conscious about my appearance, although my body image varies from day to day.  I can still have a feeling fat day....sometimes oddly followed by a feeling thin day.  Clearly, the body doesn't change much in a day and its psychological factors at play instead of body changes.

 #regain #mainteance #plantbased #vegetarian #longterm

My renewed interest in this site surprises me, but I think I've hit the pay it forward phase where I both want and need to share my personal experience being in the mainteance phase of wls.  I was thinking the other day that someone needs to develop a psycho-social development stages model for post-ops.  The wls has been a catalyst for so much change in me, and I see it in others at various stages when I go to my bariatric clinic's support groups.

There are many things that I just didn't KNOW (as in assimilated into my lived experience and truth, not just merely an intellectual knowing) pre-op that may have been helpful to know.  My experience of weight loss surgery is much like all those years ago when I took a student loan.  Lending conditions seemed favourable and I was grateful to sign on the dotted line, but I didn't really get that I would have to pay back all the money eventually...and with interest!  Sometimes it feels like a fancy bait and switch sales tactic scheme.  Lose weight quickly if you gamble on taking the risks of surgery, but then, bam, after the honeymoon period is over, you are back to adhering to all those old "dieting" tactics to actually keep the weight off.  And, oh my, regain is brutal once you have experienced the euphoria of hitting your goal weight.  Like being a millionarie and losing all  your money is a different kind of poverty pain than having always been poor, any regain feels enormously scary for its potential to set you on the path back to obesity and become a "failure".

 Despite researching online for a year, speaking in person with post-ops (albeit all of them were still newbies in the honeymoon phase) and attending all the required pre-op classes at my bariatric clinic, I didn't appreciate that the surgery is weight LOSS surgery and not exactly weight MAINTENANCE surgery.  I actually have to live a lifestyle that will help me maintain my new weight, which means regular exercise, staying within a calorie limit (and to do this successfully, at almost 4 years, I am still weighing and measuring my meals and expect this to be lifelong..although, I must say that my ability to estimate a serving size with amazing accuracy is pretty darn good these days.  Bam, I can show you a cup of almost anything and then double check it and I'm right on.  I should list this as one of my superpowers) and following bariatric eating guidelines as prescribed by my bariatric clinic.

The bariatric eating guidelines are kind of a relief to me.  When I was always trying to lose weight before, I felt lost in the sea of low fat, low carb, high protein, portion control haziness.  There were too many competing "scientific studies" asserting the healthy way to eat.  Now that I am a wls patient, there actually is one right way for me to eat for the rest of my life.  Protein first at every meal and snack, portion control, veggies and some low glycemic fruit, and last complex carbs.  I can ditch refined carbs for life.  They have no nutritive value, mess with my blood sugar (a problem I didn't have pre-op, that I now do post-op...its called Reactive Hypoglycemia and it is very common in RNYers).  Can I tell you that the world runs amok with refined carbs.  Our society is a refined carb pusher.  These things are on every street corner, at every social event, advertised on every TV station...heck, there are whole TV shows and entire TV stations devoted to pushing refined carbs front and centre into our living rooms.

I will be 4 years post-op in the upcoming January and I want to blog here more reguarly. I think there are a ton of important topics to cover...psychological changes, transfer addictions, following bariatric guidelines (vitamins and eating), regain, keeping your head in the game long term, eating disorders, spirituality, relationships.  Its amazing how WLS touches all facets of a person's life.

My blogging steam has suddenly run out.  The sweet kid (my 11 year old son) is calling my name.  But  I have more thoughts that I want to share.  Bye for now. but I hope to be back soon.

 

#regain #afterthehoneymoon #lessonslearned #wlssuccess

I had a subtle shift in my diet towards more refined carbs and some higher fat foods.  I also was binge eating junk food sometimes and eating an enormous amount of fruit.  I realize now that I was eating in a way that was making my blood sugar wonky...inducing mild hypoglycemia throughout the day, always feeling hungry and always chasing more sugar.

After a particularly bad day bingeing on sugary foods, I felt at my very lowest.  I decided to just do one day of liquids to eliminate my battle with food for the next day and give my digestive track an opportunity to rest.  (The sugary carbs do a number on my whole system....gas, bloating and other TMI kinda stuff.  You RNYers get the picture, I know!).  I started some vegan protein shakes since I have a bad reaction to whey sometimes as well as using my newly purchased Ninja blender (oh, how I love you Ninja blender), to make some green smoothies.  It was not as hard as I thought a day of liquids would be and I did feel detoxed and overall just healthier the next morning.  

I decided to get back on track...now or never, I thought.  (Well, never say never, but sometimes I say never to make myself say NOW.  Lol, sounds confusing, I know...but it sometimes works!).  For the last week I have had a morning and an evening protein shake and three meals and a snack that are protein and veggie focused.  I have eliminated fruit except for some berries in my protein shakes.  I have eliminated all refined sugar and flour.  My diet has been vegan and vegetarian focused (plant based) with some fish and a bit of meat for my proteins.  I have feasted on raw veggies, salads, stir fried, steamed and roasted veggies.  I am eating some limited starches...corn, sweet potatoes, peas, brown rice, quinoa and oats (prefer steel cut).  

Drumroll please....

My body feels amazing!

My digestive track is right on track...woo hoo!

I have lost 3lbs of my 30lb regain in a week!

My calories are naturally lower given the shift in foods I am eating, but I still feel more satisfied than when I was eating way more calories!!

My nutrient macros are naturally gravitating back towards 40-30-30 (carbs-protein-fat),  This seems to be a sweet spot for me...where I feel lean, energized, not hungry at all and not craving carbs all the time.

Oh, did I mention my carb cravings have gone waaaayyy down!

Fingers crossed....saying prayers.  Wrote this as a black and white reminder to myself...Eat like I outlined above and my body will feel good.

3 years and 7 months out...such a grateful reminder that I can get back on track if I am honest with myself when I have gone off the rails.  Thankfully its only 30lbs of regain.  I could have buried my head in the sand and only looked up when it was 50lbs or 75lbs of regain.

Feeling so grateful.

Spread the word everyone....maintenance is a life long, one day at a time process of choosing health.  We all deserve a beautiful life.  We can get back on track.  It is never too late.

One of my biggest maintenance challenges is planning my meals.  Go through periods where I get unmotivated and lazy and stop thinking about planning for meals.  His is when it is very easy to start grabbing prepared  foods...which usually are not nearly as healthy as I what I would make for myself.   So I'm posting this to jog  my memory when I get into the lazy zone.

 

Easy Meals (just add a side of veg and fruit)

Veggie burgers

Canned tuna with  lite salad dressing

Hard boiled eggs and cheese strings

Chili

Salmon patties

Deli rotisserie chicken

Baked frozen fish filets with garlic and pesto

Salad with edamame beans

Scrambled tofu

Low fat hamburger patty

Chicken and veggie stir fry

 

I was 3.5 years out last month and I have regained almost 30lbs from my lowest weight.  I am still in my healthy BMI, but my food addiction rages on.  The struggle is real...and reality is really setting in.  Now I need to ask myself, "what am I willing to do everyday for the rest of my life to maintain my weight loss?"  It is humbling to face the full weight of the truth...we are each personally responsible for practicing the best lifestyle habits that we can (diet and exercise) in order to keep the weight off.

I am struggling with junk foods sneaking into my diet, binge eating and compulsive overeating.  Food always seems like the answer to me, no matter what the question is.  I have come to realize that the path of out of my food addiction really is spiritual growth, more self knowledge, a plan of action and the very challenging task of acting and thinking differently in the moment, today.  Staying focused on the present day is also completely important.  I can waste hours in my head with wrenching self reproach and negative judgements about what I ate YESTERDAY!  But this is simply squandering the joy from today and my focus on making good choices in this moment. 

The gift of the struggle is that my relationship with food, body image and weight preoccupation are forcing me to grow spiritually, to become more compassionate, to let go of things that I can't control, to live less by fear and more by joy, to find peace in the simple act of making the next right choice.

Live well today.  Repeat tomorrow.

 

The struggle with food is daily.  Grazing is the new overeating post-op.  I continue to attend Overeater's Annoymous and work one day at a time to be abstinent.  Some days I am, some days I am not.  I remain hopeful that I will conquer this dreaded disease.

I have just refined my food plan and I am feeling peaceful about this.  I have to admit that the way to keep cravings at bay is to eat as clean a diet as possible, at least for me.  I am focusing on lean proteins, tons of vegetables, some fruit, a minimum of healthy fats and limited grains (steel cut oats, brown rice, quinoa, millet).  

I know some people can eat "treats" in moderation, but I can't.  No sweets, no junk food of any kind.  If I never take the first bite, it won't lead to a binge.  I also can't eat protein bars in moderation as they are a slippery slope to binge foods for me.  Likewise, the world of "diet" sugar free treats are not things that I can consume in moderation.  Self knowledge is power and its good to be out of denial about this.  I wish I could cook and eat like eggface or bariatric foodie, but portion control alone doesn't work for me.  Even sugar free, high protein eggface muffins set me off on wanting more, more, more.  I also can't chew sugar free gum since it leads me to carbs...not sure exactly why.

I have gained weight from my low of 136.  This weight was too thin for my 5'11 frame.  I'm currently struggling to keep my weight around the 150lb mark.  But it is a struggle right now since I am still binge eating at times and taking in very large amounts of calories when I do so.  Anything that brings health and happiness into my life is worth fighting for, and so the battle continues to find serenity and abstinence from my food addiction on a daily basis.

I wish you well on your journey to health and happiness, too.

My binge eating disordered started to rear its head at the 11 month post-op mark and I've been battling with it ever since.  Its starting to quiet down with a lot of work.  I'm doing cognitive behavioural therapy and attending Overeaters Anonymous.  I am making progress and I am actually grateful for hitting a new low post-op with my food because it forced me to really take responsibility for how disordered my eating has been for almost my entire life.  I can recall binge eating when I was very young...kindergarten, perhaps?  

My recovery focused plan of eating includes planning 3 meals and 2 snacks a day.  I weigh and measure and track my food on myfitnesspal.  I am abstaining from all junk food and most refined carbs (I do ryvita crackers, whole wheat pita, low carb wraps and oatmeal in moderation) .  I exercise in moderation.  I weigh myself about once a month, and only if I am feeling peaceful about it.  If the number on the scale will have distorted power over my self concept that day, then I bypass it.  I trust that following my plan of eating will result in maintaining a healthy weight.  Recovery is 3 fold, emotional, spiritual and physical, so there is much more that I am working on, but I won't go into the details here.

I never cooked before my RNY...eating out at restaurants or convenience foods at home.  Since surgery, I have learned to cook and I am so happy to finally have this life skill under my belt.  Some of my go to recipes these days...

Homemade chicken fingers - chicken breast sliced, 1 egg, flax seed, crushed ryvita, spices.  Mix the flax seed, crushed ryvita and spices.  Dip chicken pieces in egg, coat with ryvita/flax mixture.  Bake in oven.  Surprisingly moist and delicious!  I always ate the frozen kind before surgery....these are so much healthier.

Ground turkey meatballs - approx. 1 lb ground turkey, chopped onion and any other mixed veggies you want to add, flax seed, an egg, spices of choice (I use an India butter chicken spice mixture at half its recommended amount).  Bake in oven. I freeze in portions and grab and go for lunches during work week.

Salmon cakes - can of salmon, flax seed, egg, onion, some grated carrot and chopped spinach, spices (I use garlic powder, onion salt and dill or a greek seasoning mix)

Chicken stir fry - heat 1 tsp on oil, add chicken breast cut up into small pieces and saute in a wok pan with tamari (or soy), some garlic and ginger.  Add some sugar free orange jam for a ginger-orange tasting sauce.  Add cut up,  mixed veggies (carrot, onion, mushroom, celery, zucchini, broccoli) and cook until firm soft.  

Healthy Nutella and ryvita crackers- 1 tbsp hazelnut butter, 1 tbsp cocoa powder, 2 packets splenda or some granular splenda.  Mix together and spread on ryvita crackers.  Add some sliced banana for an extra treat.

Flax protein powder muffin- half scoop protein powder, 2 tbsps flax, one egg, cinnamon, splenda to taste, 1/2 tsp oil.  Spray non-stick in a mug, microwave.  Yummy.

Homemade trail snack mix- dried unsweetened cherries (not all that easy to find in a grocery store unsweetened, I go to a health food store), unsweetened cocoa nibs, raw almonds and some kashi go lean cereal.  Also extremely yummy!

 

i eat cottage cheese and an apple almost every day for breakfast.  Lunch varies, but If don't have anything cooked in my freezer to take, then I often eat beans with cheese or those individual canned flavoured tuna tins, sometimes a protein bar and yogurt.  Lunch always includes raw veggies, baby spinach and a piece of fruit.  

The RNY took the weight off and gave me a chance to regulate my eating and lifestyle habits when it comes to food.  It also provides ongoing restriction, which helps me control my portion size.  But I have found that I need to do the other work, the real work that will lead to lasting lifestyle change.  Recovery from my eating disorder takes time, but I believe that there is a solution and I am working my program of recovery each day.

Before RNY I didn't really truly believe that I had an eating disorder.  Post-op, the insanity of still trying to misuse food to deal with life became glaringly clear to me.  Its been a major gift to get out of denial about it and start recovering.

 

 

I was 18 months out from surgery on July 18.  I reached goal a long time ago it seems and now my challenge is weight maintenance.  But I'd be lying if I said the real challenge is the number on the scale...the challenges are actually managing my eating behaviours, my emotions and my binge eating.  Life has been stressful lately and it really draws my attention to how much my eating can get unregulated when times are hard.

This post is a reminder to myself about what works, how to stay on track and how to get back on track.  Here goes....

Every morning make a plan for my meals.  Plan 3 meals and 2 to 3 snacks for the day.

Don't leave the house without food or an exact plan of what and where I will eat

Track everything I eat on myfitnesspal on a daily basis.

Eat a minimum of 80 grams of protein a day. 

Foods that are the foundation of my meals and snacks...

Protein Sources: tuna, chicken breast, fish filets, eggs, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, beans (kidney, black, chickpeas, edamame,lentils), tofu, yves veggie meat substitutes, ground meats (turkey, chicken, beef), deli sliced cold cut meats, tofu, protein muffins a la eggface, quest protein bars

Vegetables: baby spinach, carrots, tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, celery, cucumber, red and green pepper, onion, eggplant, zucchini, corn, green beans, peas, butternut squash, sweet potato, kale, asparagus

Fruits: apples, blueberries, cherries, strawberries, peaches, nectarines, plums, bananas, pears, grapes, raisins

Grains: kashi go lean cereal, ryvita crackers, low carb wraps,  pita read, oatmeal, wholegrain bagels/bread (very rarely eaten), rice cakes, popcorn

Fats: almond butter, peanut butter, olive oil, salad dressings, nuts and seeds, flax seed

Occasional treats: sugar free jello puddings, sugar free jam with almond butter on a low carb wrap, low carb and sugar free cheesecake in a mug, oh yeah protein bars, nugo protein bars, isofemme protein bars, sugar free and low carb dessert recipes from internet sites like sugarfreemom.com, yourlighterside.com, theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com, bariatricfoodie.blogspot.com and others... 

 

In terms of keeping my head on straight, I have found cognitive behavioural therapy tools and ACT (acceptance and committment therapy) techniques very helpful.  I'm clearly a work in progress...so I need to recommit each morning to recovery from disordered eating (I identify with the whole range...compulsive overeating, bulimia, binge eating and restricting since I've exhibited all those behaviours at different points in my life).  Mindfulness as a spiritual pathway has really helped me, as have working on letting go of resentments,  acceptance and letting go of things that I can not control and pieces of 12 step philosophies (although I don't believe that 12 step groups are a pathway to recovery for me, I do find value in a significant amount of 12 step recovery culture).\

Going to the gym, walking regularly and doing some kind of exercise every day is also a core component of my weight maintenance and recovery.  I continue to work on the binge eating and this will be a life long challenge that I believe I can gain success and mastery over with lots of practice and determination.

 

My food routine is settling down nicely now that I've been in maintenance mode for many months.  It kind of feels like a formula, and it isn't necessarily exciting, but the structured eating is good for me.  So here I go with a description that seems to be working for me at this point....

Breakfasts

1. Greek yogurt and fruit  (usually frozen blueberries) with a tbsp of flax seed
2. Protein mini muffins with babybel light cheese and a cherry flavoured source greek yogurt container
3. Cottage cheese with cinnamon
4. Kashi go lean cereal with a small amount of greek yogurt (instead of milk)
5. Steel cut oatmeal
6. Flax seed muffin in a mug
7. Omelette with cheese (feta, mozza or cheddar)

 

Snack 1

1. Apple and protein bar
2. Babybel light or cheese string with mini protein muffins and baby carrots

Lunches

1. Baked fish filet with salad/raw veggies
2. Meatballs (chicken, turkey or beef) with salad/raw veggies
3. 1/2 low carb wrap, cheese, deli meat, baby spinach leaves, raw veggies
4. Mixed bean and cheese salad with raw veggies
5. 1/2 low carb wrap, tuna salad, salad/raw veggies
6. Baked chicken breast with salad/raw veggies

Snack 2

1. Cheesey egg muffins or Vanilla cottage cheese egg muffins and an apple
2. Apple and protein bar
3. Hard boiled egg, ryvita crackers, babybel light cheese
4. Mini protein muffins, apple, babybel light cheese
5. Almond, peanut butter or light cream cheese with ryvita crackers, apple

Dinners

1. Baked chicken breast and salad
2. Baked fish and salad
3. Meatballs and salad
4. Zucchini or spaghetti squash "pasta" with cheeses (feta/parmesan or cheddar/cottage cheese mix)
5. Low carb wrap pizza, with meat/cheese/tomato sauce/veggies
6. Casserole/Stew  (eggplant/ground beef, butternut squash/turkey, chili

Snack 3

1. Apple and protein bar
2. Almonds, walnuts, raisins 
3. cheesecake in a mug (low carb)
4. sf pudding or jello
5. zone perfect bar or nugo dark chocolate mint 
6. home made oatmeal cookie (using steel cut oats and sugar free)
7. Lentil chips
8. pepperoni or cheese chips with high protein dip (greek yogurt & cottage cheese with spices)
9. greek whole wheat pita or weight watchers whole wheat bagel with light cream cheese

I plan my meals the night before and try and stick with 35% carbs, 35% protein and 30% fat.  I usually end up eating around 40% carbs, especially if I eat more than one apple that day or if I eat a carby snack like pita bread or a bagel (which I only do a couple times a month).  

Inspired by the Beck Diet Solution, I've made up some wallet size cards with the following on them:

 

My Reasons to Keep the Weight Off…

1. Less arthritis pain/increased mobility, very important

2. Eliminated health conditions, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, very important

3. General feelings of increased self confidence, very important

4. No social stigma, very important

5. I can do more activities, live a bigger life, very important

6. Maintaining a healthy weight is my insurance policy for continued good health, very important

        7. I can wear any fashions/clothing that I desire, important

8. I am role modeling a healthy lifestyle, goal accomplishment and maintaining success to my son, very important

9. I can feel proud of myself, very important

10. I have increased peace of mind, better emotional health, very important

 

Daily Action Plan…

Read my “reasons for keeping the weight off” card morning and evening.

Recognize positive things I did each day re: eating.

Eliminate trigger foods from my home/work environments

Make and keep an exercise plan.

Practice helpful thinking

 

 Practice Craving Tolerance…

‘I’m feeling a craving but that’s ok.  I can tolerate it and it will go away.”

Practice Hunger Tolerance….

“It’s no big deal.  I wish I could eat now, but its ok.  I’ll wait and eat at my next planned meal.”

Ask myself, “Is it true hunger? A desire to eat (head  hunger)?, a craving (triggered by something)?

 Getting Back on Track….

“I will get right back on my food plan if I make an eating mistake.”

“It’s not the end of the world.  I can start following my food plan again right now at this very minute.”

“ I will eat my planned meals at my planned times and not make in the moment choices about what I eat.”

I will review my eating day each night, identify any problems that arose and figure out what I will do to prevent it in the future.

 Motivating self talk…

“I can do what I need to do.  I will focus on what I can do today.  If it’s hard tomorrow, I’ll deal with that then.”

“Staying on plan may not feel fair, but I have 2 choices.  I can feel sorry for myself or go ahead and do what I need to do to maintain my success.”

“Staying on plan is reality.  It is what I have to do to reach and maintain my goals”

“I can live with the discomforts of dieting as a necessary means to maintain my success.”

 How to respond to sabotaging thoughts….

1. What’s my thinking error?

2. Where’s the evidence?

3. Is there an alternative explaination or way of viewing the problem?

4. What is the most realistic outcome of this situation?

5. What is the effect/impact of believing or challenging/changing this thought?

6. What advice would I give a friend in this situation?

7. What should I do now?

 Daily Positive Self Talk….

Staying thin will be life long work, but I will succeed at it.

Eating small portions, planning and tracking my meals, eating protein first and eating lower calorie foods is my way of life and the primary tools I use to stay thin.

I can eat to just a reasonably full feeling.

I’m so glad that I didn’t overeat.

I am learning to respond to sabotaging thoughts and these skills will let me keep off my excess weight permanently.

 Positive Self Talk to read each day….

I can use distraction and relaxation techniques to calm down.

I can solve the problems associated with my negative feelings

I have confidence that the scale will go back down if I gain a few pounds.

I can learn from my eating mistakes and recommit to my eating plan immediately.

Hunger and cravings are not emergencies and I can    tolerate them until my next planned meal.

 During a trigger or craving…

Leave the area with the tempting food

Remind myself, “I have a planned, healthy meal coming up soon”.

“I don’t need to eat this food now, I need to relax and self soothe to tolerate the triggering feelings, which will pass, or I need to distract myself from the distressing feelings”.

“That’s great.  I didn’t eat that food!”