Progress and lessons, 3.5 months out
Mar 23, 2014
103 days since surgery, and I'm feeling pretty darn good if you ask me. As of yesterday, I am officially 60lb below my morning-of-surgery weight... holy crap, how did that happen??? I started out in a 20W pants, 44C bra, XXL top, and I'm down to pants in a 14, 42/40C bra, and shirts in size L. My husband got this pic of me the other night (wanted to send my Iowa State pride to my folks... Go Cyclones!), and even though it's at an odd angle-- he's taller than me but at least it makes me look busty-- it does show some progress!
(Bonus points for some corgi love, that's my buddy Lloyd!)
- Smaller clothes. Hooray! I'm still trying to wrap my head around it, and the most recent trip to Old Navy took three trips back to the dressing room before I ended up with things that actually fit, but I'm not about to complain.
- I think I'll be able to get off my CPAP soon (I see the doctor in two weeks). I've been getting a head rush in the morning and I think it may be from too much oxygen, so I'm trying a nap or two without it and it seems to be going OK. Hooray!
- I've been having periods where the scale doesn't budge for days, or it goes back and forth, up and down, but I'm being patient and sticking with it. It's hard, but I'm becoming much less obsessive about it.
- I'm getting the hang of eating out, which is helpful because it's one of the ways my husband likes to spend time together with me. Check the menu in advance, find options, don't be afraid of taking home leftovers, I can definitely do that.
- My mom, who's been my biggest supporter through this whole process, is absolutely PSYCHED that I'm doing so well. It's a little odd, because I don't feel like it's worth making a fuss over, I don't think I look all that wonderful, and I feel really weird being fussed over, but I'm glad she's proud of me.
- Because of how well I've done, my uncle-- who is quite heavy and at risk for a heart attack-- is seriously looking into having RNY surgery. He's even talked to my grandma about it, and that makes me proud that he's serious about it; my grandpa passed away after heart trouble and at least one stroke, so I'm really glad he might be able to help his health that way.
- I have some AMAZING buddies here on OH, and I don't know what I'd do without them. ::hugs::
- Despite all the stories about hair loss, I'm not really shedding too much. Probably because I wear my hair so short and I don't do much more than run a comb through it in the morning. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
- Digestive issues... constipation leading to hemorrhoids and/or a fissure. Ow ow ow ow OWWWWWWWW. After dropping some cash on probiotics, miralax, some extra vitamins, and eating half of a whole-grain english muffin with peanut butter on it (fiber + fat, neither of which I'm getting much of right now) things are finally getting better, but the past two weeks have been SERIOUSLY painful.
- I've been really tired lately, partly because work has been busy, and partly because I'm still having a hard time eating enough. As a result, I'm napping a lot, and that leaves my husband alone in the evenings and he feels lonely. That makes ME feel terrible, and even though we're fine together, it's still stressful.
- Still having a bit of trouble wrapping my head around the possibility of getting smaller than this. A size 14 is where I've spent the majority of my time while off my psych meds (high school, college, etc.) and 200-210lb has been my long-term average. The thought of actually, permanently being smaller is kind of scary, and part of me says "I'll deal with it when I get there," but I'm not sure how well that's going to work.
- I haven't posted anything other than an updated headshot with my new glasses as a profile pic on Facebook yet because I don't want to feel like I'm bragging-- gotta love the concept of being "Iowa nice," huh? All of my friends are super-supportive, and all of my offline friends are very encouraging, but... I dunno, it just feels awkward and I don't know how to handle it.
- I'm having a hard time getting all of my protein in, which is probably because I'm just not hungry. (Not complaining there, but still.) Protein bars help, and so does the "Protein Plus" milk I've found, but it's still a struggle. And when I eat nothing but lean dense, protein all day to hit my targets, I don't have room for veggies or anything like that, and that gets me plugged up, and it's just plain not fun. That's definitely a question for the next visit to the surgeon.
Overall? I'm definitely glad I had surgery, and I know I've made a lot of progress. There's a long way to go, both physically and in my head-space, but I feel pretty good about the journey so far. And honestly, I can't ask for more than that.