Musings at the State Park (too much free time)

Jun 08, 2010

I was reading  a post by lolalucy. She was writing about losing weight and still looking the same. I have lost 55 pounds or so, and I still look just like I did before. When I look at pictures I can see a difference, but when I look in the mirror, I look just like I always have. My husband says No Way. I look different to him. People I see often have really noticed the weight loss now. My mother hugged me and almost started crying, she was so happy about the weight I have lost. All I could think was, You love me because I lose weight????? I wanted to scream! I am very glad about it, but it is just weight. All the things that really matter haven't changed. My mother has obvious enormous food and body image issues, and I need to remember that. It just hurt. I guess I wish I had a better relationship with my mother. I hope I remember all of this with my little girl, so that I don't hurt her. I'm sure there are lots of people with MUCH worse mother-daughter relationship problems than I have.  My mother is just so disconnected from all of our lives, she has her own world at her job, and it seems like that replaced her family. I guess I long for that relationship that we don't have.
After reading lolalucy's post, i'm guessing it must be normal to think this way. Honestly I don't look all that different. Almost like a slightly shrunk version of my former self. I do feel a lot better physically, although my hair is continuing to fall out like crazy! I still get weak pretty quickly at times. We are on vacation at a State Park right now, and I noticed after riding bikes for a while that I feel a little shaky. I went for a ride early this morning and did fine, but yesterday afternoon I was shaky/weak. Weird. We are having a fabulous time! My husband put together a pretty pink bike for me with a seat on the back for my little girl to ride in. It is adorable and so very girly! We are having so much fun. The kids have all caught redbugs, ugh! Oh, this sure has been nice. I'll update my weight when I get back. I don't weigh every day anymore, so it shouldn't be that big of a jump. And I have sat around a lot! Not exercising, this is vacation!! And FUN!!

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Dec 17, 2008
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