Question:
Maybe one of you can help
I need some advice on how to help my sister think seriously about having this surgery. You see my sister weights at least 380 and wants to have this surgery but her doctor won't give her a date until she loose 30 pounds. He started her on a program, 3 or 5 shakes a day for six weeks, she had to pay 60.00 for the shakes which she did but she hasn't started yet. She's finish with all the test,just waiting for a date, she see how good I've done since surgery but she refused to try to loose the weight(Says the shakes taste nasty). For example I see that she still eats cakes and cookies by the box full, Today she ate 5 pieces of Popeye chicken and all the trimming, she brought 14 pieces and it only her and two kids to feed so I know they didn't eat that much but the box was empty. I asked her son to help her but he said he don't think his mother is serious about the surgery or she would be following the doctor's direction. I know she wants to loose weight and have this surgery (It's all she talks about) But how can I help her without seeming like a nag, which btw she hates when someone gives her advice . Help!!! — Rebe W. (posted on November 17, 2002)
November 17, 2002
Frankly I thinksurgeons that insist on pre op weight loss are cruel. My
surgeon has no such requirement. I recommend she find a different surgeon
without this requirement. If MOs could loose weight without
surgerywewouldnt need surgery.
— bob-haller
November 17, 2002
I agree with Bob...find another surgeon. Is the surgeon the one selling
your sister these shakes?? If so, what he is doing is unethical...JR
— John Rushton
November 17, 2002
I agree with the other posters, find another doctor. My weight was 380 or
better and I wasn't required to lose any pre op weight.I feel like if you
could lose pre op then why have the surgery. I am down 130+ pounds since
June 6 2002 and loving it... Best of luck to you both...
— Subrina D.
November 17, 2002
hi there! :) i agree with the other posters. find another doctor. my start
weight was 370 and my surgeon did not require me to lose any weight. he
realizes that many patients have been there, done that and thats why they
are seeing him. the only thing is maybe at 380 sis will have to go through
open instead of lap, it really depends on the surgeon involved.best of luck
to you.
— carrie M.
November 17, 2002
I totally agree with all the other posters to find another surgeon I did.
The first one i went to wanted me to lose 50 pounds before they would
approve me for surgery
well i tried and was unsuccessful why would i have been there in the first
place if i could lose it.
I gained even more weight after that after being denied surgery by the
first surgeon so i eventually went to another
and he did not require any pre op loss and by then i weighed 425. They
wanted me to lose the weight and give me another diet that i knew would
fail so i ate even more
maybe that is what is happening to your sis.
Finding another surgeon that does not require the pre op loss would give
her new hope it did me.
Good luck!
— Tammy N.
November 17, 2002
Just to add to the volume of earnest posters - <b> finding another
surgeon <b> is a must! If I had had that kind of restriction, I
don't think I would have made it. And I REALLY wanted the surgery. I've
wanted many things in life and none of that stopped me from gaining. In
fact, the more stressed I became the more I gained. Why did she choose
this surgeon? Is it your surgeon? Is there a reason she couldn't find a
different surgeon? Gee if she wants to chat with someone who isn't family
feel free to have her write me. I'd hate to think someone is passing this
up over 30 pounds!
— [Deactivated Member]
November 17, 2002
Wow, not the answers I was expecting. This is your sister, not you. You
can not make someone do anything they do not want to do themselves. My
suggestion is to leave her alone. Tell her that you will be there for her
when she is serious about it and move on with YOUR life. You are
monitoring her food intake........stop it! This is a very personal
decision as you know, she has to make it. And it looks like she may have.
— RebeccaP
November 17, 2002
You can give her options, but you can't make her do it. I lost 41 pounds
pre-op, but it was my choice because I had made the choice that if I didn't
do this, I was going to lose my mobility because my legs were in such bad
shape and I was in such pain every day. My doctor gave me a 1600 calorie a
day diet and I followed it religiously. But you can't do it for her.
She's got to make the choice and stick with it. She can (1) start a diet
and stay with it (2) Add an exercise/vitamin regieme to help her on her way
(3) find another surgeon that doesen't require the 30 pound loss or (4)
forget it. But in the end it's her choice and you'll only end up
alienating her if you push it.
— Cathy S.
November 17, 2002
I have to agree with Rebbeca on this. It is unhealthy for you to feel that
you can fix your sister. And getting her kids involved is a bad idea also.
How are they going to feel about themselves when it fails? Counselors call
this behavior co-dependency. I know because I use to run around trying to
fix everyone and would feel so bad when it failed I would eat. You have
given her the information, her doctor has given her the information so let
her make the decision. I will say I also agree with the others about pre-op
weight lose, it is cruel to ask someone who has not been successful on a
diet, to diet. My surgeon required none and my mom's surgeon just asked
that you not gain weight before surgery.
— Cheryl S.
November 18, 2002
Sorry but only your sister can make the decision on this one and no amount
of "helping" or urging her and her children will make her do it.
I truly resented my family's comments and hints (and the hurt is still with
me - even after I've lost 106 pounds). You may end up damaging your
relationship with her if you persist. Keep on doing well for yourself.
That's the best that you can do. Hopefully she will see how well you have
done and she will become more interested in doing this for herself. After
all, it is her body - and her decision.
— Jennifer A.
November 18, 2002
Hey Rebe--unfortunately its your sisters decisions to make. In my own life
I found myself being very spiteful and rebellious when my parent nagged me
about my weight and that made me eat even more. I know it was out of love
but at the time I felt like that was all that mattered--that I was an
embarrassment of some sort. Now 17 years later I did this all on my own--I
wish I could get those years back but I cant so I wont dwell on it but just
let your sister know that you are there for her but its basically up to her
and her alone to change her life. Good luck and God Bless.
— Bambi C.
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