Question:
are we doomed?

i see so many posts about saggy skin and all, i am just wondering if i get this surgery if i am doomed to a horrible looking body with drapes of sagging skin? i have seen some pictures that are, quite frankly, very discouraging, even though the weight loss and subsequent health improvements are well worth it. i have had 2 plastic surgeries already and don't look forward to more especially after an open rny, which is all my surgeon will do on me. and if any of you have decided to live with the skin problems, how has your spouse dealt with it? mine is not very forgiving if anything seems yukky or gross. for heaven's sake, he is 42 and still doesn't know the difference between a tampon and a sanitary napkin! thanks for listening! darci    — darci T. (posted on August 18, 2003)


August 17, 2003
Hi, I know this is a very sensitive issue and I have very strong views on this. Here goes. My BMI at surgery was 62. I weighted 343 pounds the day they wheeled me in to the operating room. I weigh now 175. YES, my skin on my thighs, arms, stomach, hips, tush and around my knees hangs..I'm really flabby..I'm 52 years old and no amount of exercise is going to change my flabby skin..however...I look at it with respect and love and remember a time when I could hardly walk across the room without breathing hard...or the time I couldn't sit in the seat of our new mustang because I couldn't fit the seatbelt around my poor body. Or not being able to go to my daughter's open house at school because I couldn't walk very far. I walked with a cane and life was just too difficult for me. My skin reminds me how far I've come and how grateful I am to have had this surgery. My spouse is wonderful and says that the (personal coming up) loose skin is soft and how proud he is of me. Someday I may have it removed, probably out of discomfort more than vanity because it is heavy...but everyday I see it I am reminded of a better life G-d gave me. I know that before surgery I was horrified that I might have loose skin I really was upset about that...but now It's a badge of courage. True beauty comes from within and I can't speak for your husband, but to mine he is so proud and happy we have a life together that he has embraced the saggy, flabby lady that can walk again. G-d Bless you and to me it's worth it. Best wishes always and take care!
   — Karen Renee

August 17, 2003
Darci, I understand your discomfort with the thought of being saggy. I guess I was blessed with a wonderful man, because my husband was never one to mention my weight or now the saggy skin. I think I have more of an issue with it than my husband. One time I did mention how I looked like a 95 year old, he told me that he loved me for what I am inside, not the outside. I am proud to say my husband is a very nice looking man, and when I was larger, I could see people look at us with that, "what is he doing with HER?" look. He has always been reassuring of his love and desire for me. Even now that I'm a little saggy. You hang in there and remember, True love comes from within.
   — Cindy B.

August 17, 2003
I've lost 103 lbs in seven months. I work out 4-5 times a week at our local wellness center--saggy skin...I'll take it any day compared to health problems I was facing and at 49 years old who cares! Actually I'm doing very well --just some saggy skin at my belly.
   — debmi

August 17, 2003
I like the other poster agree, I had major concerns regarding flabby, hanging skin. This weekend my son (14 yr) said I didn't look healthy to him, I was too skinny. It truly hurt my feelings and asked him who he had been talking to (I figured he had heard this from someone eles) he said no one mom. After about 5 minutes of complete silence ( I was afraid to talk, because I was almost in tears) he said not too skinny,its the skin that hanging on you..We both swim at the pool and for the first time last week he saw me before I got in the pool I usually try to get in before anyone looks. I had no reply for him because I feel the same way, I truly hate the way I look now. But I know that I will live longer and physically and emotionally I'm healthier than I've ever been. I'm considering plastic surgery for myself and I will address this issue with my son when I no I can talk to him about it without getting upset. So my point is, I hate the flabby skin, but know without a doubt that I will live a longer, healthier life and PS get paid for jobs well done. As far as my husband, he doesn't say one way or the other, that's what lights are for.....
   — Jeana S.

August 17, 2003
Karen - what a positive attitude you have! As a 47 year old turnign into a melting candle, I really appreciated your response!
   — koogy

August 17, 2003
Karen (the first poster) is absolutely correct. No amount of saggy skin (for me, it is mostly my bat wings and the lumps from my vericose veins around my knees) can possibly look worse than the hundreds of extra pounds that filled that "excess" skin for years. I was lucky to have lost about 247 pounds in my first 10 months) so I expected some sag. But, given the choice between being free of high blood pressure and arthritic pain versus having a little flab, I will choose the flab any day.
   — SteveColarossi

August 18, 2003
I am about 10-15 pounds from my personal goal. I have lost almost 90 pounds in 6 months. My husband only discusses the "skin" because I show it to him and tell him how I can't wait to get rid of it next summer. He tells me, "so do it", but never brings it up or comments on the way it looks. I am extremely conservative in the way I camoflauge it when i am dressed, so no one but us knows it's there. He comments on feeling my bones through my skin, but he also never mentioned the fat before surgery. he is 48 and I am 46. We are married 13 years, and i was 150 and 5'7" on our wedding day. He is honestly loving taking me shopping, and is now actually pointing out things he's like me to try on. I would think so many of the positives will keep the minor yukkiness of the skin in perspective. You will love the way you will feel and look, and your husband will too.
   — Fixnmyself

August 18, 2003
I agree with Steve. No matter how much hanging skin, it could NEVER look as gross as the fat filled skin. I feel so good and I am healthier. The sharpei look might get better. I am planning on removing the tummy skin and the knees if necessary. I am 56 going on 36! ;)
   — Ginger M.

August 18, 2003
Darci, I'm sorry that saggy skin is something that is causing you such turmoil. Not everyone is happy with surgery even after they've reached their personal goals. This is for a wide range of reasons from missing (some) foods, saggy skin, thinking life would be perfect after WLS. Everyone has their own battles to deal with no matter what they choose in life. Hopefully this is one that you will come to terms with one way or the other. As for your husband, try weening him into the 21st century and into an understanding & sensitive person. And please teach him the difference of things he should know. Best wishes!
   — Diane S.

August 19, 2003
Darci, I also have been concerned about the saggy skin..I have a loving spouse who loves me now at my heaviest, and I know will love me no matter what. It has really helped reading the other responses to your question before posting mine. I agree, the most important thing should be the fact that even with saggy skin,we will be around much much longer than we would if we were overweight. Let's go for it hon!
   — Tanna M.

August 19, 2003
Hi Darci - I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm going to have surgery in October or November (and can't wait), but flabby skin has definitely been a concern of mine. I may be dreaming, but I think after my insurance covers my tummy tuck (which it will if I complain to my doctor about irritations and have it documented a few times), I'm going to have whatever else needs to be done by taking out a personal loan! I'm not going through all this to STILL feel self conscious AFTERWARDS! Don't let this hold you back, honey!
   — Louise D.

August 19, 2003
I started out at 303 and at 16 months out am down to 147 with another 20 pounds or so to lose. I'm 37 and have saggy skin all over - neck wattle, upper arms, thighs, butt, belly - you name it. I have diligently worked out with weights and have extremely tone muscles and am in better shape than ever before in my life, and it has helped the loose skin look better to some extent. While wearing clothes, no one thinks I have loose skin problems, including my dr., and I do think it is true it looks worse to us than to others. I'm currently in a size 10 or 12 and would likely be an 8 or less with ps. I am a single woman and hadn't dated for over a decade before my WLS. I met someone about a year post-op through a singles club, however, and have been in a steady relationship for almost 6 months now. I was terrified about how he would react to the loose skin, especially since he didn't know me when I was MO, but can honestly say he doesn't even seem to notice it. It wasn't a problem the first time he saw it and he has never mentioned it other than to tell me he thinks I look fine to him - he even seems to like to touch it and play with it, which seems a little weird to me, but better that than having him repulsed! At the current time, I have no plans to try and have ps and am learning to accept myself the way I am.
   — Melissa F.




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