Question:
A day in the life of an obese person

I'm trying to compile a list of things to illustrate how my obesity effects me socially and mentally. I was hoping that some of you could help me with it since I know I will forget alot of inportant stuff. Any help would be appreciated. I'll start it like this: 1. Tieing shoes. My shoes are always tied on the side because my stomach gets in the way of a perfect middle bow. 2. Washing my bottom in the shower.Puts tremendous strain on my wrists. 3. Going to the grocery store at 1 - 2a.m. so that no one else will be there to stare at me and check out what kinds of foods I buy. 4. Hearing coworkers tell me daily " Your so pretty in the face why don't you just start exercising more". ................ 5 — K T. (posted on March 8, 2001)

Post your answer to this question Post your own question

March 7, 2001
You mentioned difficulty washing your bottom in the shower...what about other personal hygiene issues...like when you go to the bathroom....I have actually pulled stomach muscles trying to reach after I have gone to the bathroom.....shortness of breath walking any distance or going up stairs...standing long enough to do the dishes...my lower back kills me...getting in and out of a car...fastening the seatbelt...hitting the steering wheel with your belly....I hope this all helps...good luck!! Karan
— chance2lv

March 7, 2001
1.Having to hold my breath during missionary sex 2.walking like a penguin 3.People asking when my baby was due 4.Little kids at stores saying "Mommy, she's REALLY fat!" 5.Not seeing my feet without a full length mirror(or much else down there!) 6.being to heavy to jump on a trampoline 7.Not fitting on a carnival ride(Or just being to heavy to ride on it!) 8.Not fitting into movie theater seats 9.being unable to buckle the seatbelt in your car, or in someone elses car and having to say "I think something might be wrong with your seatbelt!?" 10.Being stared at in a bathing suit at the beach, Or always having to wear a big moo moo shirt over my bathing suit due to embarrassement These are just a few for my input- hope this helps!!
— Lauren P.

March 7, 2001
Oh boy, I think we all have lots of stuff to add...here's my contribution: (1) Not being able to have sex in the missionary position at all. (2) Having to ask for a seat belt extender on an airplane. (3) Having to tie my shoes before I button and zip pants that don't stretch. (4) Not being able to snap the crotch on a body suit or all-in-one undergarment. (5) Not being able to wear a dress or skirt without hose in the summer--my thighs will be raw. (6) Having to use 2 towels to dry off---unless they are bath sheets or beach towels. (7) Being the only fat person in a group. (8) Having to stop and rest while just walking in Wal-Mart or the grocery store. (9) The utter embarassment of not being able to wear clothes in a store, not even in the plus size department. (I wear a 30/32) I could go on and on and on...but I'll stop--otherwise, I'll have a book right here online!! :-) ((((HUGS))))
— Sharon N.

March 7, 2001
...Not being able to take a bath with your hubby, having a robe close by so he dosesnt have to see me walk away from him when getting out of bed and I'll never forget going to six flags in GA, an amusement park, years ago, The inside of my thighs were soooo raw from rubbing together, (wore a skirt) that I had to take off my tube top and slide it up one thigh, it still hurt but it helped. I'll never forget my girlfriend laughing with me instead of at me, shes my best friend still today... Good luck!
— Renee D.

March 7, 2001
1)on the way home from the grocery, pulling into Burger King drive thru,getting a whopper, and eating it on the way home so no one will know, then cooking dinner, eating, and then waiting until everyone was asleep to raid the kitchen. 2)having my son ask where are the brownies I fixed the night before (I had eaten them all) 3)Having Drs. say the only thing wrong with me was that I needed to stop eating. I was terminally ill, and obesity is an Illness. 4)Having to stick my finger 4 times a day, take 5 shots a day, and taking 50 pills a day(a total of $2000 worth a month). 5)After having surgery, and loosing weight,having people say I look soooo sick (I was DYING before). 6)Having my PCP's nurse tell me I need to stop loosing weight --- I will always be morbidly obese in my head. I will always have a warped since of self image. I can only tell what I look like in a picture, A mirrow only reflects my securities, or insecurities at the moment. 7)I obsess on things people say, I don't have food or fat to hide under anymore, a put down is a put down, no matter how they sugar coat it.
— CohenHeart

March 7, 2001
How about 1. not being able to get up by yourself after falling. 2. paying an arm and leg for clothes over a size 30/32 and having a limited income. 3. no self esteem to do the ordinary things in life. 4. taking a bath with the best of deodarant soaps and still having a body odor after taking your bath. 4. obsessing about and spending a small fortune on food 5. people who you do not know and my never met again telling you about their diet. 6. a long history of part of your family destroying your self esteem about your weight.
— Jan M.

March 8, 2001
1. Grabbing the first pillow- or child- you see when sitting down with a group. (to cover yourself up) 2.Always being put in the back of the family photos. 3.Always being the one to sit with the kids at the rollercoasters- because you are scared out of your mind that You will fall out and the headline will read "Gravity fails- Fat lady killed!" 4. Looking at the weight limits on elevators and doing a quick calculation of you plus everybody else. 5.(This is Blunt) No Oral Sex! *S* Due to improper hygiene...sad but true. 6.Covering up the fact that you are winded or tired after awhile of physical exertion- just so that people won't be able to think badly of you 7. Putting a child in the front seat so that when you go through the drive-thru they won't think all that food is for you (which most of the time it is!) and lastly 8. Having your children (I have 5) bring you the remainder of their foods off their plates and say, "here Mommy..eat this" (cause they know you do anyway!!) ....I could definetly go on! That's enough for me! :-)
— Stephanie E.

March 8, 2001
I've got a great webpage for you to check out! It has 100 reasons to have WLS!! It should help with your list!http://www.eporkchop.com/blubber/top100.htm
— Rachael R.

March 8, 2001
For me the hardest thing is the self torture. Even if I eat in secret I feel bad about it. I've been to the point of hitting myself after eating at McDonalds (that's why I'm posting anonymously). Feeling like every diet commercial is aimed right at ME. Having to hear about how wonderful diets are from people who lost ten pounds. Being to embarrased to go to lunch with co-workers, much less join the softball league. Feeling like everything I eat is being scrutinized and judged. Knowing that if I get a medically or peer supervised diet, everything I eat WILL be scrutinized and judged. And the worst one, being afraid that my obesity will kill me. I don't want to die.
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
For me it's so I NEVER have to shop in the "Oh my god, it's moving toward me" department of any store. Or feeling that they should add tying my shoes as an olympic event. Never allowing anyone to take your picture for fear they will have to pull out the wide angle lens. Or having to use the driveway as an ironming board! I joke about this, but it really isn't a joke. I know. I want my children to be proud of me and I want to be around to enjoy my grandchildren. I too hate being so overweight and feel this is my last chance. I am in the beginning stages and having trouble getting the ball rolling but I know I will! Good luck!!
— Happy B.

March 8, 2001
Hey, you ladies are just pointing out the "bad" points of living with morbid obesity - don't forget the good (lol) !! 1) Not having to help with housework. My wife was so afraid of me croaking from a stroke, that she did everything herself. Now, she's got me working like a dog !!! 2) Not having to be picky at a buffet. Hell, I could sample everything!!! Now, I eat my "Kiddie Portion of flavorless fish", and drool over everyone else's plate. 3) Not having to worry about her elbowing me at 2:00 am, wanting a little "action". Now, she's as "randy as Austin Powers". 4) Never having to share a seat on the morning train ride into NYCity. NOBODY wanted to try to squeeze in next to me. 5) Saving money on clothes. When you're as big as I was, who wants to waste time buying "in style" clothes. It doesn't matter. All people see is the fat. Now, my wife wants me to buy a whole new wardrobe to show off the "New Me". Jesus, I'm gonna have to get a 2nd job. (disclaimer - this was meant in jest)... Good luck on your journey !!! Kevin
— meilankev

March 8, 2001
I love this ... how about 1) risking a stroke simply by heaving your body out of bed in the morning. 2) Going a minimum of twenty years without seeing your feet when standing up. 3) Wearing maternity clothes to your youngest child's tenth birthday party. 4) Having restaurant staff quake in fear as you approach the "All You Can Eat" buffet. 5) Planning your errands around the number of donut shop and McDonald's drive-thrus on your route. 6) Not smacking your 5'2" 90 pound co-worker who spends lunch hours moaning "I'm so FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!" 7) Not KILLING the co-worker who went to Weight Watchers to lose ten pounds and can't stop talking about it. 8) Buying your lunch at four or five different places so nobody knows how much you really eat at one sitting.
— Cheryl Denomy

March 8, 2001
Posting anonymously, coz I'm too embarassed to use my name. 1) Slipping a disk in your back tring to wipe your bum. 2) Finally not being able to wipe your bum. 3) Having to buy winter boots a size bigger, and with velcro straps because your can't bend over to tie up laces, or pull up zippers. 4) Sex? Missionary position? HUH? 5) Not being able to walk with colleagues when going anywhere. 6) Hardly being able to walk up a flight of steps. 7) Having clients hand you diets you have never requested. 8) Having a client tell me they couldn't work with me because they couldn't bear to look at me.
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
Please forgive me for not answering this question actually. I honestly want to say thank you to each and every one of you people who answered this question. I am postop and every heartfelt answer made me remember all of the reasons why I had this surgery. I didn't even remember some of these things and it really brought it all home again. I have had alot of difficulties with this surgery but, when I look at the way I was (which is what you have all done for me) I am grateful not to have these problems anymore. My sincere best wishes to each of you in your journey and I hope that soon, all of these things will just be a memory as they are for me. Much love and hugs to you all.
— Barbara H.

March 8, 2001
How about what I CAN do now-Here's what I CAN do- fit into a portapotty at a soccer tournament, referee a soccer tournament, jog, play soccer (I am a soccer mom- what can I say?), shower with my hubby, sex-all positions- (and feel GOOD about my body), play with my kids (soccer of course:), housework (not necessarily all good:), paint the house, stay awake and active all day-no naps!, wear clothes from ANY store- walk by Lane Bryant and remember when, wear my daughter's clothes (she is 13 and small), fit 2 people in the 2 person hot tub one being me, Great America and riding Raging Bull in the front row and not be even close to the fattest person on board, walking all over downtown Chicago for hours and miles and still swimming that night at the hotel (wearing a swimsuit without a coverup too!), my hubby wanting to introduce me to all his coworkers and him staying close to me (arm around me when we are out and me LETTING HIM, feeling good about myself (I am just learning this, but it feels good:) And lastly, visiting preops at BTC and showing them my "before" pictures and encouraging them!! Thanks for reminding me where I came from and where I am going!
— M B.

March 8, 2001
How about stopping at every convenience store on the way home and hitting each one for a King Size Milky Way, then swallowing them whole so no one will know. Or having to pull your car seat forward to allow someone in the back seat then not being able to buckle it by at least a foot. Or not being able to sit in the back seat because you can't get out. Mailing your check instead of climbing out of the car, walking 1/2 block to the building, climb the stairs then walk down the hall when you know there isn't a chair for you to rest before you can actually go in and pay the bill. Ordering clothes by mail because you can't find anything big enough within 150 miles of your home. How about constantly having a food stain on your chest because you can only lean so close to the table that your breasts/belly acts as a shelf. Forget tying shoes, I always went for slip-ons. When there is a new diet group/program starting up in your community and you are asked 18 times in one day if you are joining. Or when people in the community who you personally think of as bigger than you, ask you when you are having a garage sale to get rid of your clothes. But the worst is when your kids have an important occasion coming up and they ask if you can lose 40 or 50 pounds before it.
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
I've read the responses and OH MAN they all sound familiar. Some are repeated because its MY experience 1. Always, ALWAYS asking for a table and chairs, no booths! I couldn't fit. 2. Getting my clothes made because the stores didn't carry my size. 3. Sweating bullets trying on clothes and trying REAL hard to squeeze back out of them. 4. Hygiene, forget tampons. 5. Wiping my backside was impossible... the shower was my friend 6. Sex? not without my chest being shoved under my chin(s) 7. Walking through a department store and leaning on the cart 8. Being called the Titanic by your kids friends 9. Slip-on shoes ONLY 10. Squeezing into a booth and not being able to bend over to eat 11. Back pain from standing doing the simple task of dishes 12. Seatbelts just don't fit 13. Going to an amusement park and watching everyone else have fun 14. Bathsuits.... and a large T-shirt and used the excuse that I burn easily 15. Always grabbing the first pillow when you sit down to cover yourself 16. Trying to heave yourself OFF of someones couch and try to look like a lady doing it. I could go on and and on.... I am on the 'other' side now and will one day be rid of every single one of those things that jabbed at my self esteem.
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
I'm so glad you asked this question.It was great reading all of the replys,and realizing that I'm not alone.In addition to all that the others posted,I would like to add this...I am 33 years old,the 3 years ago widowed mother of two wonderful kids.My son is 7,and my daughter is 2.For me its the emotional pain of them not getting to go out and play in the snow,because I cant go out with them,or my son not learning to ride without his training wheels yet because I cant run along with the bike to hold him up,or not getting my mail across the street for three days,because my knees hurt so bad,and I'm walking with a cane,and going down the steps to get there just kills me.I'm almost 400 lbs,so I guess my case is extreme to some,but basically being heavy like this has made me a prisoner.Hope this helps you with your list.I'm wishing you the most sucess on you journey to change all of this :)
— Susan L.

March 8, 2001
Wow - I could write a book........I never again want to tell someone when my baby is due just to save us both the embarrassment of telling them I'm not pregnant. I want a clothing size without an "X" in it. I want to go to Six Flags with the kids and know I'll fit in the rides. For once in my life I want to be the smallest person in the room instead of the largest. I don't ever want to hear "you have such a pretty face" again - just let me be pretty. I'm in agreement with everyone about the missionary position. I'd like to walk through the mall and not have to remember to take my rings off first because my fingers will swell up within 20 minutes. I'd like to walk into a regular size store or regular size department and not have the sales staff have that "what are you doing here?" look on their face. I don't want every health issue from bladder infections to ingrown toenails blamed on my weight. I don't want to pick up dinner and order myself an extra burger just to eat on the way home. I don't want to be eating a piece of pizza and only being able to think of how good the NEXT piece of pizza will be - can't I just enjoy what I have? I JUST WANT TO BE NORMAL!!! Best wishes!!
— ronascott

March 8, 2001
1. Having people constantly assume that simply because you are morbidly obese, that you are also stupid, even though you are actually quite intelligent. 2. Dealing with people judging you as morally inferior, because they consider morbid obesity to be a character flaw instead of a chronic, life-threatening disease. 3. Having to work twice as hard in order to be thought of as half as good as other people. 4. Severe and constant physical and emotional PAIN. 5. Avoiding all social functions, because people tend to totally ignore you as if you were invisible. 6. People acting like your morbid obesity is contagious and they are afraid they are going to "catch it" from you. 7. Being physically unable to do things you used to enjoy. 8. Being treated as if you are unworthy of the most basic common courtesy. 9. Paying outrageous prices for unattractive, poor quality clothing. 10. Putting up with "know it all" skinny people who feel it is their mission in life to give you unsolicited diet and exercise advice. 11. Being treated as if you are not entitled to proper medical care by doctors and other health care professionals. 12. Almost bleeding to death from a ruptured fallopian tube (from an ectopic pregnancy) because the ER doctor gave you a shot, told you there was nothing wrong with you except that you were "too danged fat" and sending you home. 13. Not being nominated for or inducted into the academic honor society when you were in college, even though you graduated with a 4.0 GPA, and others (thin of course) with lower GPAs were inducted. Faculty nomination was required. 14. Being characterized as lazy, even though you have a strong work ethic and are one of the most productive employees in your office. 15. Being the object of "putdowns" from people with poor self esteem, who try to make themselves appear superior by pointing out your flaws. 16. Being a member of the only minority group that it is still politically correct to riducule, abuse and discriminate against. 17. Gradually becoming less and less able to take care of yourself. 18. Going to bed a 6:30 pm every weekday and sleeping most of the weekend, because you are exhausted all the time. Like one of the other posters said, I too could write a novel right here, but will stop for now.
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
I echo all the comments so far...here are a few post-op accomplishments I can add: My legs no longer rub together when I walk - the day I figured out what was different, I freaked! I can cross my legs. I can enjoy a work out at the campus rec center and blend in with the crowd. I can wear heels. I can buy clothes in the Misses department. I can run and play with my daughters. I fired the housekeeper because I can do it myself now. I can meet the demands of my hectic schedule. I can run up the stairs. I can take control of my life and my future and look forward to the future without despair or depression, and not feel guilty. I know my husband watches us from above and is proud of what our family has accomplished since I regained my health.
— [Deactivated Member]

March 8, 2001
I like this question, because I totally know where everyone is coming from on this issue. How about: 1. feeling like a loser since the age of 8, when your mom took you to the Doctor and he tells her to put you on a diet. 2. Or how about the time you tell your mom when your 12 yrs old that you dont like her to smoke, and she should quit..and she tells you in a sarcastic tone, that when you stop eating, I will stop smoking. 3. Or you dad and brother calling you a beached whale one afternoon after trying to play HORSE with them in the driveway. 4. Going through elementary/junior high/high school overweight..and listening to them moo at you while you go down the haul to class....but now knowing 10 years later, that some of those same kids gained 80 pounds since graduation, and I will soon be losing all of mine. 6. Pretending I have a dry throat and need to cough, just so I can catch my breath after a flight of stairs, or hiding out in the bathroom for 5 minutes till I can breathe again 7. not having any patience with my 3 yr old, when attempting to dress, change his diaper or bathe him..it is not his fault that mommy is fat, but I sure do snap at him, as if it is. 8. Not having the energy to play with my child. 9.knowing that I will never go anywhere in life (Career/meaningful relationship/true friends)in American Society unless I am attractive physically, nevermind that I have a great personality, work ethics and have a brain. 10. Not calling your old friends who havent seen you in a few years, because you are so embarrassed from gaining at least 100 pounds since you last saw them. 11. Having an array of emotional problems from being overweight since the age of 8, and wondering why didnt someone tell me about WLS, 15 years ago?
— [Anonymous]

March 8, 2001
How about all the snide comments when you go into a fast food restaurant (or any restaurant for that matter), or into a clothing store that sells "normal size clothing" gift shopping for a friend and being told by the sales girl they don't sell clothing larger than an 18 to try Lane Bryant next door who caters to "large" women. Being called a cow in front of a whole bunch of people in a store by some ignorant son-of-a-b*$#. Being totally ignored by cashiers/sales attendants who would rather bother w/the size 2 in line behind you and luckily they managed to notice her behind the whale. Not being able to fit into the seats at the movie theatre, having a friend tell you her car only drags bottom over speed bumps when you are in it. Getting up from a chair in a restaurant your atending at a luncheon at and the chair coming up with you because it's stuck to your hips due to the chair was to small for you to sit in and you had to squish yourself into (that I think was the most embarrassing as people tried not to openly snigger about it). Being told by your family who is supposed to love and support you no matter what, that no one will ever love you or want you because your fat, that you'll never amount to anything because fat people don't matter. Being in school and being singled out as the fattest person in your phys ed class (I actually didn't graduate hs because I had 4 gymn classes and was to mortified to dress in the red candy striped gym suits, that made me look even bigger! I preferred to take an F rather than be tormented by class-mates. Though in the 10th grade I was reading at a 3rd year college level). Hearing a little kid who aks who is the monster next to the pretty lady.... The list goes on...and other folks have already supplied the same expreriences that I have had without me having to repeat them.
— Carrie G.

March 8, 2001
One more thing I forgot. Having major dental work from years of poor eating habits. Not from a lack of dental care, but too much d**** candy and junk food.
— Jan M.

March 8, 2001
It's so odd that I logged on this morning to find this q&a. The effects of my weight have finally gone from real life to my dreams. Last night I dreamed that my family was moving into an apartment and the apartment next-door was occupied by several 20-something handsome guys and a couple of blonde pixie-ish/vogue-ish women. When I pulled up and got out of my car in the parking lot the men just laughed and pointed. I could "hear" them (in my dream) saying words like "heifer, fat, huge" and then as my family & I moved our stuff into our apartment I would "see" them looking out their curtains and sneering. I can't believe that my poor self-image has crept into my dreams!!! Actually, I wonder if it's my subconscious telling me something, because on a normal day-to-day basis I really don't care about what others think. I guess subconsciously I must. Here are a few other ways that the discrimination affects the social/emotional well being: - Sales people in department stores who "see through" us. - Co-workers who recommend you see a psychiatrist because I must be depressed to be gaining weight - Co-workers who say "can't you just cut back on what you eat?" - Heavy celebrities finally breaking through to prime-time (e.g., Camryn Manheim, etc.) only to be called the "fat actress who made it" and all the focus be on her size and not her talent. - Being passed up for a promotion or job because you don't meet the desired "image" (I know this is illegal, but they get around it, don't they?) - Clothing manufacturers whose sizes are not made to standards so when you go to put on that 3X or 26 that should fit fine and you can't even get it over the hips... THAT one always sends me home depressed. - When you finally sit down to have that birdseed salad diet lunch and everyone still stares at you like you have been eating all day like a pig. And heaven forbid you should eat a candy bar or donut in public - the stares!! Fat people don't have a right to eat at all... at least that's how I feel every time I eat at a restaurant.
— Laura B.

March 9, 2001
How about never getting to fly for longer than you can hold your bladder because you can't fit into the airplane restroom. Or having to buy 2 seats for a football game. Once, I attempted to join an aerobics class and the strain of the exercise caused my heart to go "out of rythm" and I was hospitalized. The doctor said the fat around my heart was causing my heart to work harder just for normal activities and that strenuous activities were out of the question until I got some weight off. When I decided to have the surgery was when I suffered the same atrial fibrulation after having sex. How do you tell your doctor that you heart wouldn't stop beating fast from something so ordinary as intercourse? I lied, got my heart condition put back on track, then contacted a bariatric surgeon.
— [Anonymous]

March 9, 2001
Visiting my neices a few weeks ago and having one of them inform me that I was fat and needed to lose weight and laughing about it. She's 6yrs old.
— [Anonymous]

March 9, 2001
How about these: 1) Waking up in bed and realizing that, without stretching, you take up the majority of it. 2) Having your significant other want to lay on top of you all the time because you're warm and cuddly, but you can't breathe without the extra pressure, much less with them on top!! 3) Sex? Ugh. Don't get me started! Does the phrase (this is blunt) "Where's the whole?" mean anything to you?!?! 4) Bending over to pick up something and coming up looking like you just dipped your head in a vat of red paint. 5) Explaining to your 5'10" 160lb girlfriend (who's a size 10/12) that you just do NOT have the willpower or the desire to attempt "one more" diet--for the 15th time. 6) Taking a picture holding your cat and realizing that even though he's a pretty overweight kitty, your arms are bigger around than his body. 7) Being so off-balance walking down steps that you have to turn your foot side-ways to go down them. 8) Sitting down and doing that "descreetly pulling on my shirt" thing to get it untucked from your fat roll!! 9) Trying on rings at the store (those cheap ones that are $5 each) and knowing you can't fit a single ring in that display. 10) Getting winded just scraping the frost off your truck. Oh, I could go on and on and on like most of you hear. But the good part about us is that we still recognize the embarassment. We still feel the shame----And we're doing something about it!!!! Good luck to you all!!
— emibaby

March 9, 2001
My reasons for wanting WLS is: How about knowing your house is always messy because you don't feel like cleaning or picking things up. It taking so much energy to do the littlest things. Knowing everyone is looking at your house thinking how nice it looked when we first moved in, but not having the energy it takes to do anything about it. Or how about needing your husband to shave your legs or put nail polish on because you can't reach. I hate the way I feel humiliated after he has to do that for me. Only being able to wear stretch pants and having them wear out in the thighs after a couple of months of wear. Your husband not taking you anywhere, but him saying he just does'nt feel like going anywhere right now.But you know the real reason. Your husband not even asking for sex very often any more,or just being close. No missonary position, it hurts to much. Going to the bathroom and know your not getting everything clean. Knowing you must stink because you can't reach everything. Not feeling good about yourself any more. Having people watch everything you eat and give you "that look." Walking up the stairs to your own bedroom and be out of breath, your heart pounding so hard that you have to rest. Not wanting to see anyone that you used to know because your to embarresed. Not wanting anyone from your husbands work to see you. Not going to anything work related with him. Knowing deep down that he feels the same way, but won't admit it. Always wanting him to park closer cause it's hard to walk, and him giving you "that look" again, or him saying you need to walk, it'll be good for you. When the weekend comes wanting to do somethig fun, but knowing you won't be. He just want's to stay home. Knowing that he loves you, but wondering if he has just become so comfortable that it's just easier to stay with you than to do anything else and not wanting to lose his family. Wanting to feel LOVED again. Wanting to feel that "in love" feeling again. Feeling sexy. Feeling feminine. Feeling small. Feeling good about myself. Knowing there's a possibility that you could die or have major complications but feeling that it's worth the risk. Being scared because you don't want to die, but you don't want to go on like this any more...My reasons for wanting WLS is: How about knowing your house is always messy because you don't feel like cleaning or picking things up. It taking so much energy to do the littlest things. Knowing everyone is looking at your house thinking how nice it looked when we first moved in, but not having the energy it takes to do anything about it. Or how about needing your husband to shave your legs or put nail polish on because you can't reach. I hate the way I feel humiliated after he has to do that for me. Only being able to wear stretch pants and having them wear out in the thighs after a couple of months of wear. Your husband not taking you anywhere, but him saying he just does'nt feel like going anywhere right now.But you know the real reason. Your husband not even asking for sex very often any more,or just being close. No missonary position, it hurts to much. Going to the bathroom and know your not getting everything clean. Knowing you must stink because you can't reach everything. Not feeling good about yourself any more. Having people watch everything you eat and give you "that look." Walking up the stairs to your own bedroom and be out of breath, your heart pounding so hard that you have to rest. Not wanting to see anyone that you used to know because your to embarresed. Not wanting anyone from your husbands work to see you. Not going to anything work related with him. Knowing deep down that he feels the same way, but won't admit it. Always wanting him to park closer cause it's hard to walk, and him giving you "that look" again, or him saying you need to walk, it'll be good for you. When the weekend comes wanting to do somethig fun, but knowing you won't be. He just want's to stay home. Knowing that he loves you, but wondering if he has just become so comfortable that it's just easier to stay with you than to do anything else and not wanting to lose his family. Wanting to feel LOVED again. Wanting to feel that "in love" feeling again. Feeling sexy. Feeling feminine. Feeling small. Feeling good about myself. Knowing there's a possibility that you could die or have major complications but feeling that it's worth the risk. Being scared because you don't want to die, but you don't want to go on like this any more...
— [Anonymous]

March 10, 2001
There are so many restrictions on what you can do when you're obese, let me name the few that I can think of...How about going to Magic Mountain and not fitting on any of the rides. Not being able to wear a seatbelt because it's not long enough. Not being able to fit through those stupid spinning metal dividers they have in some stores. Listening to your 180 lb friend complain about being fat, when you would kill to be here size, or even worse, your 120 lb friend. Going to a dance and nobody asking you to dance. Walking through a store with a friend and a small child says "Mommy look at that fat lady!" and feeling like you want to curl up in a ball and die. And the worst for me, FEELING LIKE I'M A WONDERFUL, FUN, INTELLIGENT, SEXY WOMAN AND SOME IGNORANT PEOPLE ONLY SEE FAT!!!
— Bobbi T.

March 10, 2001
How about putting your entire adult life on hold (no dating, marriage, children, etc.) because I felt I wasn't worthy because I was so fat. Now at age 40 I find myself trying to make up for lost time. My only regret is that I didn't have WLS sooner.
— Lori_B

March 10, 2001
The worst things about being large in todays society? 1. Always settling for second best because you never believe you are worth "the best". 2. Family and friends always asking if youve tried that "great" new diet? 3. Not being able to go into a store and find something to fit thats as pretty and sexy as you are. 4.Always having to worry about is the chair going to break under you. 5. Every time you hear someone whispering and giggling, you just know its about you. 6. Medical professionals always calling you "honey" or "baby", I'm 31-not three, save it! 7. Having to rely on others to do things that you should be doing. 8. Going out and having people look at you like they are suprised your allowed out in public! 9. People assuming that I'm unintelligent because of my size. 10. Always having my problems blamed on my size. 11. Everybody staring at me all the time. 12. Men thinking that they can treat you like crap because they think you will be afraid you cant do better and stay(sorry Kevin, had to go there). Life is hard enough without everyones prejudices against us. I will be so glad when I can go thru life w/o all the day to day hassles we face. We have along way to go before we are accepted but this is a great help. Good luck and thank you to everyone who came before me and will follow behind me, it's a wonderful life!!!!!
— Juanita B.

March 13, 2001
So many of these answers sound like I wrote em.....so, I wont repeat em, but just add one more. How about losing your babies pacifer during the night and having a dull pain in your side, getting up in the morning, using the bathroom, then reaching to wipe and feeling a sudden stabbing pain in your side and discovering that the pacifier is tucked under my fat stomach and was wedged in there tightly and had to be picked out by me. Now that was mind blowing to me!! I was so embarresed even though there was nobody around! But oh well decided to share it. ........cali girl
— CALIGIRL T.

March 23, 2001
i agree withall that i have read posted here today, even though i only got about 2/3 of the way through before i had to go cry in the ladies room til i could calm down. you all have helped me remember what it was like. i am 4 months postop and was thrilled when i could get into my shower without squeezing through the doorway and my fat sides would rub the wall,2) not being able to properly place a tampon but not being able to go without one either, 3)the stares , laughs, snickers, jokes and 4) when i was only a size 22 having my two sisters and my brother able to get into a pair of my shorts together and do them up easily, they were ages 18,12,and 10 and knowing that at that point in tme i was only about 250 pounds but i went up to 370 before i had had enough. to kindo of get even now that i am losing the weight i carry a preop picture with me and if a guy asks me out i whip out the picture and say would you date me then? if he says no then i tell him to go to he":. i appreciate everyones honesty in their answers . thank you all.
— Laura R.

April 17, 2001
I am relate to all of your personal stories and pain. 1)Having kids ask when I am going to have my baby. 2)Having total strangers staring at you and what's in your shopping cart. 3)Having co-workers giggle, make snide remarks, and "mooing", and making "fat" jokes in your presence. 4) People thinking that being obese means unitelligent and deaf. 5) Missing opportunities at working in a good job or career. 6) Settling for less in life. Being felt like a second class citizen. I can relate with all of you. I can't wait to have WLS, and getting down to a "normal" sized person. I've been on both sides: Thin (after starving myself), and obese after having two children. (I love my kids so much)It's time for people to realize that we are a real people with real feelings. We all want respect.
— Jennifer C.

April 17, 2001
I have to say I have been blessed in that even though I have weighed up to 500 pounds, I really have had a great life. It was only when I topped 450 that I started to notice some people treating me differently. But then, I couldn't walk as far as they did, my clothes became less "professional" and I think I detected more fear and revulsion from others. I think I got the same sensations that someone with a severe facial burn or cerebral palsy gets. I have had a great first career and no one ever dared moo in my presence or I would have been all over them like white on rice with a verbal slicing at their own weak spot(s). I hated the social limitations because of my mobility restrictions and the inability to fit into spaces like airline seats, restaurant booths and movie theatres. I went through a period in which I felt bad about myself, that I was a failure because I couldn't lose weight by dieting, and I had no energy to move. I always had a core of positive self esteem though. I just felt unlucky at my genes and sorry for myself. But I remembered that saying: " I used to cry because I had no shoes, and then I saw a man who had no feet. I used to cry because I had no feet, and then I saw a man who had no class." I know that whatever indignities were visited upon me (like when that toilet suspended from the wall broke and crashed to the floor so I was sitting in my own feces, just before giving an important deposition as an expert witness), I am just one of many human beings who discover that true courage doesn't live in great daring, but in the daily willingness to present my face, body, mind and spirit to the world and demand our place in it. Feel free to quote me, my sisters and brothers of the flesh.
— merri B.

May 18, 2001
I see that not many men posted answers to this question.Heres mine. 1)Not being able to go into the store with my wife to do the grocery shopping because my leggs and back can't take it.If I do,Having to lean up against shelves or the meat counter because of being out of breath. 2)Not being able to take my wife to see the lastest major motion picture that came out because I can't fit in them damn small ass seats. Sorry about the language, but I know everyone here feels the same way. Not going to amusement park because of all the walking and the seat thing. Yeah, another thing, maybe getting lucky and squeezing into one of those seats but not being able to lock down the bar because of, well you know. Everybody looking and pointing at you as you have to get back out of the ride and leave, totally humiliated. That does wonders for your self-esteem. Not to mention your grandson sitting there with no one beside him.3)Having to pay some one $15 a week(summer only)to mow your grass, because you are after you might have a stroke or worse if you tryed.4)Having co-workers giving you a nickname and it sticks. After a while you begin to answer to it.4)While in school, waking up every single day wondering who will be the first one to call you something and who will laugh the loudest. Every single day for 4 yrs.5)Always feeling like shit. Trying to fit in, knowing its only a matter of time before another insult comes flying at u.6)Sometimes thinking u would be better off dead. Then u wouldn't have to put up with it anymore. Thats just a few. Have to go now, time for bed. Good luck and God bless
— Donald W.

May 20, 2001
Everything that everyone here said just rings so true. For me it was watching my husband have an affair with a woman who taunted me. Being to afraid to leave because my self image was sooooo bad I was convinced no one else would want me. I cried myself to sleep for 5 years while the affiar went on. Now that I am losing weight the story changes but I now want nothing nothing more to do with him!
— [Anonymous]

May 20, 2001
Wow! How did I miss this one. It was posted about 2 months ago! I figured I had to put my 2 cents in. How about... Not being able to volunteer at your child's school for fear of her/his humiliation, Not going on family trips/vacations to places like Disneyland or the waterslides because you can't fit, getting winded and sweaty while you're just trying on clothes, knowing if you gain one more pound you won't be able to sit in your chair at work, having to be a contortionist to douche, or clean up after the bathroom, How about getting into the bathtub filled with 2 inches of water, and then having it spill over the sides, OR getting in first and filling the water up, only to have it fill up in the front because your butt acts as a dam, and there is no water behind you.... OR doing quick calculations every time you get into an elevator to make sure your big butt is not exceeding the 2000 lb weight limit, Oh and there's not being able to wear your wedding ring anymore because your fingers are too fat. And not being able to go to a salon for a haircut because you're afraid you won't be able to fit in the seat.(Thank goodness my friend's a hairdresser!) I'm sure I could think of a million more things, I could go on and on. These are just a few in my world.
— Kim B.

May 28, 2001
I've always been told that I write well. That I should write books. That would be great, but I don't know how to start. Take an adult writing class to find out how things are done they say. Sure! Like I'd be able to sit in one of those desks that have the stationary off to the side kinda desk tops!!! I don't think so.
— [Anonymous]

May 28, 2001
Boy do I love this site, it lets me know that I'm not alone or paranoid....How about these, 1.looking around while standing on line and a man quickly looks away from you because he think you might want him. 2, A real ugly guy tells you that he knows he could get your "type". 3,hearing a fat joke at work and everyone turns to look at you, I once heard on guy whisper"shhh, your're gonna hurt her feeling". 4.walking cross the street with a bunch of girlfriends and one says "come on, lets run" as though you can. 5. Having a cute guy say how pretty you are and your friends can't believe it because you are fat, and fat people can't possible be attractive.6 Having the guys on you job come to you so you can introduce them to the "cutie in the office" as though you are one of them. 7. Having someone fat telling you how to go on a diet(ha ha).8. wearing high heels and have women tell you "how do you walk in those shoes".9. wanting to know if I wasn't fat will I be treated this way?, and last but not least 10.walking to you car in the company"s parking lot and having men who you laughed and talked with all day,(not wanting to be seen walking with you), walk way behind you as though you don't notice but these same men will walk with a thin women and even run so they can catch up, 11, crying yourself to sleep for two hours because you are so lonely, These are just a few heart breaks oh yeah, did I mention not seeing my best friend for 4 years because I don't want her to see me bigger than before.
— blank first name B.

May 28, 2001
Going out on a beautiful yacht cruise with friends and stopping at a Fort Lauderdale restaurant by water... and feeling the sheer panic because it is low tide and there is no way I am going to be able to get from the boat to the dock. I quickly got my husband and my best friends husband to coordinate the push pull effort so no other helpful people would get involved... those two handprint black and blue marks on my behind faded before the embarassing memory.
— [Anonymous]

May 28, 2001
THANK YOU!!! I have been thinking about this very thing for days now, it feels so good to finally have found some place where I can talk to people who really understand what I am going through. 1. How about being so overweight that you can't get pregnant, because your body has stopped ovulating? And having the infertility doctor tell you that we can try fertility drugs, but without loosing "a large amount of weight", he doubts they will even work, so why bother. 2. Always making sure my top is long enough to cover my big belly. 3. Having to pull my pant legs down becuase they ride up while I walk. 4. Pretending I was on my period so I didn't have to go swimming at high school recreational functions and have to put on a bathing suit in public. 5. Wondering if the chair will hold me. 6. Trying to squeeze behind someones seat, and when I couldn't fit having to ask them to let me by. 6. Knowing that the only reason I didn't get the job was becuase of my wieght. 7. Having to buy my clothes out of a catalog because even the plus sized stores don't carry a big enough size (and even starting to push the limit in the catalogs). 8. Having to ask my hubby to shave my armpits because I can't see or reach under all my fat rolls. 9. Wondering if your friends boat will be able to hold you, along with everyone else invited. 10. Wondering if thin really does feel better than anything tastes. 11. Being thought of as lazy, even though my house is clean, I have a great job, a bachelors degree, and am half way through a masters degree. 12. Being so afraid to fall, because I couldn't get up by myself. 13. Wishing that I could feel one iota as sexy as my husband says I am. 14. How about feeling like a piece of crap when a "girlfriend" at work says she never could get the floating thing down while swimming, but it should be a breeze for me since I am so bouyant b/c of my weight. 15. Being 30 and not knowing how long I am going to live, and worrying who would be able to carry my coffin if I did die. I think that is enough for now. Thanks for letting me vent.
— mregalad

May 28, 2001
This subject is so revealing . Since we are letting all of our hurts , frustrations and pain, let me add my biggest fear of all. I do not want to die and have to have my family go through the embarassment of having to order a special casket because their mother is so obese she cannot fit into a regular size one. I realize this is morbid but, I am afraid that they won't find pallbearers strong enough to carry me. And can they even cremate an obese person. How many weeks will it take to burn all this fat. I DO NOT want to die looking like this. Enough people stare at me now ; I don't want people gawking at me when I can't even defend myself.
— Claudette G.

June 1, 2001
I read this entire list of responses two days ago and I don't have to tell you how this hit home for me. I started to add to the list with some things of my own but I became so depressed after reading the others that I just couldn't find the words. That evening I had a fall that later made me laugh at myself because of how ridiculous I must have looked and thank God I was home alone. Here's the scenario...I had just finished using the bathroom and I was in a hurry to get my pants up and rush back to the kitchen where dinner was on the stove. I have carpet in the bathroom and hardwood floors just outside the bathroom. With my pants only halfway pulled up and one foot on the hardwood, I remembered to go back to wash my hands so when I went to step back, I accidentally stepped on the bottom of my pants and they were between my shoe and the floor. Well, my foot started shooting off in the other direction and I stood there with the other foot on the carpet, I slid in slow motion into a chinese split. And because I didn't have anything in front of me to break my fall, I ended up falling flat on my face!!! Thankfully, my husband and daughter were outside busy in the garden but my dog stood there looking at me with his head cocked to one side like I had gone crazy. I laid there for a minute and cried because all I could think about was this posting and how if I hadn't been so fat I wouldn't have fallen like this. Later, though, I looked at this situation for what it was, an accident that could've happened to anyone and I shared it with my family and we got a good laugh out of it. I've had some public displays of embarrassing moments that also wouldn't have happened if not for my weight, but I was blessed with the ability to laugh at myself. Once my mother (who is also overweight) sat down on the same side of a picnic table with me at a huge craft show and the whole thing flipped over and we ended up on the ground, flat on our backs with BBQ ribs and sauce all over us!!!!! Ten years later, we are still laughing about it!!!
— kahlualoverinva

June 1, 2001
1996, standing outside of Ross Dept. Store, just after a 5K Walk, wearing a size 20/22, 220lbs at the time and having some little boys (under 10 yrs.- left alone in their car) hang out their window and say, "Hey fat lady"..."Hey fat lady" I froze. Never in my life had I expirienced something like that. My husband marched over to the and gave them "what for" and then told their mother when SHE came over to see what was going on. I felt defended, but still devistated. Kids can be so cruel.
— Karen R.

June 1, 2001
Here's my embarrassing story: I decided to try tubing and probably weighed about 300 lbs. I jumped out of the boat and climbed in the tube and it just kind of sank. My brother couldn't pull it fast enough to work right. OK, so that's embarrassing - but - I couldn't climb back in the boat. I couldn't hoist myself over the side and my nephews weren't strong enough to help me. So my brother TOWED me home (I held on to the tow rope). As he was pulling up to the pier he said "I've got Shamu here!"
— Kelly D.

June 26, 2001
Being afraid of someday becoming so large that in the event of an emergency, rescue crews would have to break down a wall to get me...having a TV News crew filming the event, as though it were some sort of carnival sideshow...wondering why my wonderful, caring, intelligent husband doesn't leave me for a woman who is half my size...having a Master's degree, career success, a really good marriage and feeling like all that matters is how much I weigh.
— CaseyinLA

June 26, 2001
How about being young and single and dressing up in your brand-new outfit and doing your make-up and hair "just right" and feeling absolutely beautiful when you walk out the door, only to be pushing your way through the crowd at a club to overhear someone make a comment about "that fat chick". Yup, that's the sort of thing that can bring you down for the rest of the night.
— PaulaM

June 26, 2001
How about walking into your doctor's office and having him crack he's surprised you made it through the door.Like I need to hear that from him. OR being told before any testing that ALL you medical problems are due to your weight. OR after making a decision to have this surgery, he tries to convince you it's a mistake because 1 out of 3 of his patients had complications. Then pushes a weight loss product on you that is displayed in his office ("Bodywise" to be exact)only to try the stuff and it makes you puke. Oh I could go on about this knucklehead, but I have made a decision to find a new PCP and have my surgery done.
— [Anonymous]

July 4, 2001
How about having lots of platonic guy friends who just "adore" you until a skinny moron walks into the room and giggles. How about being a very sensual minded person and craving an erotic encounter with an attractive man and knowing that someone your size doesn't "deserve" that experience; therefore having to remain content with unstaisfied longing... How about dating people you really would never ever give the time of day to if you were thin; dating men you don't like just to be dating anybody who will have you. Always feeling like you're settling for so much less in life than you want or deserve simply because you're fat. Never meeting the gaze of a good looking man because you know it's futile and he's only looking at you for reasons that are not complimentary.
— Arlyn K.

July 4, 2001
How about being pregnant and having to use the bathroom at the ob/gyn office, and afterward sitting down beside your mate (this is gross so beware) and being totally discusted because the person on the other side smells like ?*&^. Then realizing that it just might be you and when you thought you were done you really weren't because you have bowel incontinence, having to spend 20 minutes in the bathroom washing up and then to top everything off the ob/gyn wants to do an internal exam. That has to be the most embarrassing moment oh wait theres more.. How about going to the circus and waiting in line to let your son ride the elephant and having them tell you that you must ride with him because of his age and then having them stratically position your butt on the elephants butt and to top it off have your best friend and brother laughing hysterically (along with the rest of the public) while snapping pictures that you still haven't been aloud to see 8 years later... How about having to take all your clothes off in the restroom of where you work to put a tampon in because you have to bend, lift, pull, and pull your arm out of socket to do it and you are afraid on top of that you will trip over your pants and fall out the door or it will take you so long that someone else will come in and know whose in there having all the trouble.. Or not knowing how long it's been since you've seen your lover's face because you have to have sex doggy style or laying sideways. Or having your lover eventually tell you that your weight is interfering with your intimacy and he will always love you from afar. Or have him ask you if you took a shower - when you just got out of the shower. Or have your 500 lb. cousin die and your mother tell you that if you went to the funeral you would feel at home because everyone besides her was as big as you are(and your mother is mobidly obese as well she would just prefer not to put herself in the same category as YOU!)..What about having a friend at work try to set you up with someone behind your back and when the both of you walk into the cafeteria he looks at him and says "Thats too much for me.. you know what I mean?" like I am too dense to understand when he is looking straight at me while saying it that he isn't talking about me. Or having a co-worker tell you that "You have an eating disorder. You need to go and get counseling. Everyone at work is making fun of you behind your back" and then tell you that the only reason she is saying this is because you are her best friend and she doesn't like seeing you do this to yourself... Oh! I have to quit this is becomming too long
— [Anonymous]

July 4, 2001
How about getting on the bus and having to go down the isle sideways because of your size, and having people lean in the opposite direction from where you are walking because they are afaid that you will hit them with your body. I always hope there is a seat up front so that I won't have to go through this.
— Wendy M.

July 4, 2001
How about sitting in one of those tiny chairs in the doctors office that are so close to each other,only to have a little old lady come out and ask you are you sitting in two chairs or one?How about not being able to fit in one of those fancy little 2 seater sports cars(even though I cant afford one yet).What about buying a new pari of shoes and in 3 days they start to lean.Or even better,I went to Six Flags Great America (Amusement Park) to get on this ride called *Batman* Only to find out that the latch will not stretch far enough for me to be strapped in,and having everyone have to get off and reset the ride because of me.Walking into doorways sideways,standing up because some chairs arent big enough, wearing multiple shirts so that your chest doesnt look like you have a bra on,or how about looking straight down to the floor,and instead of seeing the floor all you see is your stomach.I could go on and on and on.....lol
— Miko P.

July 6, 2001
I post anonymously because I would never want anyone from my work to read this. #1. Thighs rub together so bad, it looks like 2nd degree burns. #2. If my mother suggests Liposuction one more time!!! #3. My brother once opened the door for me at a function after one of my diets and I was a normal size and I was surprised, it must have showed on my face because he said, I don't feel embarressed to walk with you now. #4. TO NOT OBSESS ABOUT FOOD, OR DIETS (Just one day, to not think about it). #5. To have a good looking guy look away quickly because he doesn't want me think he is the least bit interested. #6. My sister asked me for dieting advise because I have been on them all! #7. To sit at a bar and eat munchies without everyone staring at me. #8. The worst was an elderly (skinny) lady pulled some food out of my shopping cart and say, you shouldn't eat this. #9. Airplane seats! squish. #10. That constant pull down of your dress from behind, because its caught in the roll of fat from your back to your large rear and trying to be discreet about it. #11. The elevator broke at work, and someone said, "Hey so & so (me) was on it just before it broke she must have done it. #12. At a business luncheon, my boss said in front of everyone, NAME, why don't you order your dessert, She would never leave without her dessert. 13. To have some cute guy look at me instead of my skinny girlfriend. #14. My mom offered me money to lose weight. Hey MOM, I have more money than you!!! They think that $ will be an incentive????? uuuggghhh! PS. After the surgery, I'm taking her up on that $, I'm getting her to buy me a new wardrobe for the future skinny me!!
— [Anonymous]

July 16, 2001
OMG, I keep running into things that happen to me here that I'd hoped I would have forgotten! Some of my recent ones have been visiting some old friends and when you get up from the chair to leave, it comes with you...having the *unfortunancy* to know some Spanish and hearing guys yell "WETA!" (Fat girl) at you as you walk down the street...intentionally not taking a shower as oftem because you can't play Twister with yourself to wash and you get winded doing it anyway....pulling a muscle in your side while trying to wipe after using the john-and then later having your mother realize that it has been your straining the vinyl on the toilet seat being a contortionist that made it rip in three different places...refusing to go into anything but a Harkins movie theater (IF you even dare go!) because you can move the armrest to make a bigger seat...going to a restaurant and getting a booth (because chairs are so uncomfortable!) only to have to sit in those dang chairs anyway because you can't get INTO the booth!...not being able to see your dinner plate unless you hold it an arms length away-and then dropping half of it on the way to your mouth anyway....being in an exercise class and you are the ONLY one that can't reach and touch your hands behind your back...(I think this is the only considerate thing at times: having dressing room people make sure you have the handicapped room when you try things on)...I know there's more, just can't remember it all right now!
— got_pigs

July 17, 2001
7-17-01 Ok here goes mine kiddo's. Having your 5 y/o not eat because she doesnt want to get fat and then you worry about her becoming anaroxic (spelling). Not being able to pack your little one around because it causes you to hurt to much and become out of breath. Being embarrassed because you know your the only one who looks like the just ran a 5 mile marathon and you havent done anything. Avoiding people you know in stores hoping they wont see you because you so fat and you are wearign the same old clothes again. Not like you can really have alot of fancy stuff when you very fat. Knowing that they probably saw you too and are avoiding you for pretty much the same reasons. Not having a hair cut that looks right becuase you head is sooo fat. Being depressed at 150 thinking I am sooo fat then hitting 250 and would give anything to be at that 150 again. Not being able to clap your hands very well because your bellie and boobs and everything else is so fat that it is not even comfortable to do that. Wondering when someone hugs you if they think your squishy. Not having a beach towel that will fit around you then seeing someone else with the same towel warpped around and tucked two or three times. Being fat is the last thing you think about before you go to bed adn the first thing you wake up. They say men think about sex what every 10-20 seconds. Fat ppl think about bing fat at least that much if not more. Oh the one I hate really bad is when it looks like your eyes and nose and mouth are sunken in when actually your face is just so fat that they are just about to disappear. Reading a book and having your chin sit on your chest. Not wearing sleeveless tess because your arms look like most ppls legs. STRETCH MARKS FROM HELL!!! and their not from having kids. Having the people who are supposed to love you no matter what (my brother) video tape me walking away (and i was in a 16-18) at the time and saying her butt is so fat it takes up the whole screen. Then having my mom see it and cry and erase it so I wont have to see it or hear them laughing. Not wanting to help was the car cause i know if i get sprayed with water my clothes are gonna stick and show every fat roll. Going to a resturaunt and only eating half of your meal so everyone wont think you eat like a pig. Then you end up leaving hungry. OHHHHH I am depressing myself lol. At least I know you guys are there or been there. God Bless you all....
— [Anonymous]

July 22, 2001
HOW ABOUT YOUR CHILD/A CHILD WANTING TO SIT ON YOUR LAP TO READ OR WHATEVER AND YOU HAVE TO PHSICALLY HOLD THEM SO THEY DON'T SLIDE OFF. OR, HAVING TO PUT ROLLED UP PAPER TOWLES OR TOILET PAPER BETWEEN YOUR RUMP CHEEKS OR BETWEEN YOUR APRON AND UPPER THIGH B/C YOU SWEAT SO MUCH.
— [Anonymous]

July 23, 2001
Walking into a crowded room and praying that there will be someone bigger than you in the room....wanting to cry when you see that there isn't. Getting stuck in the subway turnstyle. Strangers assuming that your sisters are your daughters. Never being asked to be a bridesmaid at family weddings. Dropping out of adult ed classes because you can't fit in the seats. Smelling musty in hot weather....no matter how often you shower. Lumbering instead of walking. Not being able to get on the amusements at the fair. Never having a boyfriend.....everyone knowing that you've never had a boyfriend. Having only fat friends.
— [Anonymous]

July 23, 2001
The fears: Will this restaurant have small booths? What if I fall down and cannot get up? What if the doctor's office has the scales in the public area and every one can see/hear how much I weigh? What if the seatbelt won't fit? What if the airplane tray won't go down all the way? What if.....some kid at my little one's kindergarten graduation says "hey mom, that woman is fat!" , the lawn chair breaks, I can't climb all the steps to the ampitheater, the elevator moves when I step on, I can't find a decent dress to wear to the wedding or the dress I finally order doesn't come in time, I won't be able to ride the roller coaster with my child, my husband wants to see my naked body, my husband likes to see the female body and I am too self conscious, he wants to take a shower with me, the ob/gyn is unmercifully negative about my body and you can tell, his nurse is a size 8 and reacts when she sees my naked body, the gown won't fit at the doctor's, somebody laughs at me or yells "moo" when I pass, I don't lose any weight this month, I fail, what if these things were in my future instead of thankfully fading into unpleasant memories, what if I had been a majorette in high school, what if I lived my life forever fat and hadn't had this surgery? what kind of damage did I endure when in college a bunch of fraternity guys yelled "suuuuuu-eeeeee" when I walked by? Why do I hate the Hardees commercial when the guy calls a pig by yelling "suuuuu---eeee"? What if my children have to endure the same kind of torture growing up as I did? Thank God for WLS surgery and for the hope it give us all!
— [Anonymous]

July 25, 2001
There are so many things to list..being a young woman and and knowing that men your age are looking at you with utter disgust...having thin friends who dont understand...having to squeeze into a seat at the movie theater..going to the beach!! ...and after coming out of the ocean feeling all eyes on your fat...watching all the guys flirt with your skinny friends...feeling worthless..and hopeless..not being able to fit in a seat on a rollercoaster...the anxiety of having to be in public and knowing the wide-spread discrimination of fat....feeling like i'm on the outside...wondering why i did this to myself...why cant i just be thin...feeling like i'm running out of time...
— [Anonymous]

July 25, 2001
Being afraid to use public restrooms with commodes that suspend from the wall instead of being bolted to the floor for fear of it breaking loose from the wall...having to walk through a group of school-aged "before and after school" kids on my way to pick up my preschooler for fear of some immature fat remark....feeling guilty when i'm sitting in a two-seat row on the commuter train and other folks are standing up and there's not enough room for anyone to sit with me....making love with your husband and actually feeling sexy in your mind because in the dark you don't have to see yourself--only to have your husband ask you to do something that is physically uncomfortable and it brings the reality crashing down on you and kills the whole mood....not wanting to attend your 10 year high school reunion because you were fat then (but not too fat) and have gained over 100 lbs. since...(but I ended up planning most of it and attended and had a ball anyway!)...ordering several food items from the drive thru and only one drink and then asking for a small-sized drink so they think it's for someone else....or having to get off of a roller coaster because the latch won't click by about an inch and your mate is next to you all strapped in and there's about 100 waiting customers watching it all and you haven't been back to the amusement park since....one day all this will change for all of us...one day at a time!
— kahlualoverinva

July 29, 2001
Good question...what's life like for an obese person. I think I'm perfectly qualified to answer that. Shopping is no longer fun, unless its for buyng things for others. Clothes shopping is the most depressing and humiliating experience possible, and even worse if you're out with friend who shop in different stores for petites. No matter how much you dress yourself up and get ready to go out with friends, you feel like wall paper watching everyone else meeting and having fun with new people. Despite the fact that I'm a very OUTGOING person (I'm a recreational therapist boosting morale and spirits for the elderly), Then, when I do do things like dance (which I love) I later wonder if others saw me as the "fat chick" "trying to dance". There's so many things I want to do, but, my weight keeps me from it. I used to ride a motorcycle, but, my thighs are too big and make my ankles & knees hurt with the gas tank bewteen them. Travelling, something I love to do...I can bearly and uncomforably fit in airline seats...Friends telling you, you should do this or that and I've already done them all, some twice...God, I can go on and on Write back if you'd like to vent to someone, I know I'd like to.
— Kelley S.

July 30, 2001
drssing up,making up pretty,to go out to a club ,charming guys that i know i will not ever try to seriously date because i don't want to ever have sex again until i lose at least 150+ pounds.i'm in entertainment (vocalist).i sing with 3 average size guys, i weigh380.when its time to do a marketing video,i dread it,to say the least.but because i'm a good singer and dress well,pretty face and smile.i'm very good at what i do .so they tolerate me.but i hate it .but the money is good .so what else can i do being a single black mom trying to make it.always self concious about my blouses or jackets being long enough to cover my stomach.trying to hide the pain in my back ,legs and feet while i'm standing up for at least a 45 minute to an hour set,nonstop.on the band breaks when the band goes to eat,(we do mostly wedding receptions, so there's always food for the band)i could be starving but i won't eat, so i stay behind and go get a drink at the bar.but i'm so good at puttin on a happy professional face.i've been doing this for years.when we fly i whisper to the flight attendant to give me a seatbelt extension as i'm getting on the plane so people won't see her bring me one after i sit down.it used to be hard to just go up the steps, now it hurts going down. total misery.there's so much more .but i'll stop here for now. thank you
— [Anonymous]

July 30, 2001
Boy it is brutal to read the posts associated with this question. I sit here 172 pounds lighter, but still in the 320's, a foot in either world. I can sit in booths now, go to theaters and outdoor concert pavillions and not be afraid of the seating. I am dating a man who doesn't seem to mind, instead he luxuriates in my softness. I look at the dripping flesh on my body and know that only reconstructive surgery will make me look normal. I am even less willing to go swimming now than when I was fat. At least then, I was just fat, now I look, well, droopy like an elephants behind. What drives the intense self-loathing of people like us? Why are so hard on ourselves? Why did I cry feeling like a failure when I just couldn't diet anymore and knew that the inevitability of not dieting was death? I remember those feelings. The pressure in my chest and social embarrassment. Like the line in the movie, The Elephant Man, I wanted to scream, I AM NOT AN ANIMAL! I AM A WOMAN!! Now, I have hope. Gratitude everyday on the recovery of my mobility, speed and grace in moving. I can exert myself without having to rest and withought breathing like I am going to die. Keep the faith, sisters and brothers. We are the cutting edge (no pun inteneded) in morbid obesity treatment. Keep spreading the word. WLS WORKS!
— merri B.

July 31, 2001
Ditto on it all. Here's the one that makes me the most angry... having some slovenly, unshaven, OVERWEIGHT man have the nerve to make hooting noises at me as I'm walking down the street with my babies (a 4 year old and 2 year old twins) and then having them ask me "why was that man making those noises?". Here's the one that makes me sad... the day that my four year old realizes that I'm obese, and looks at me with his eyes wide and says "Mommy, you're really fat!!!". Here's the one that I'm ashamed of... having to hire people to do the things that I should be able to do. I hire a 19 year old sitter three days a week while I go to my office job, not because we need the money, but because it's easier physically to sit at a desk than run after three little boys all day, and I know they have more fun with her. I hire someone to clean my house because I can't get on my knees to wash a floor, or bend over to scrub the tub. BTW, all that is going to change a week from Friday. Whoopee! My dh and I have spent the last month talking about all the fun family things we're going to do when I'm able... canoeing (since I won't sink the boat), horseback riding (since I won't break the poor animals back), camping (since I won't need my CPAP anymore and won't keep everyone in the campsite awake by pretending to be a buzz saw), Disney world (I'll fit on the rides! It's a SMALL world after all :-) and on and on.
— mom2jtx3

July 31, 2001
IT ISN'T A DAY OF A FAT PERSON IT IS A WHOLE LIFE TIME. ITS SUCKS. BY THE TIME I WAS 9 MONTHS TILL NOW ONLY BEING 20 I HAVE BEEN FAT. IN ELM SCHOOL KIDS WOULD MAKE FUN OF ME. WHY DOES YOU BROTHER HAVE NICE STUFF TO WEAR AND YOU DON'T. lOOK AT THE FAT GIRL. I REMEBER IN 6TH GRADE I ASKED A BOY OUT AND SAID YOU ARE A VERY NICE AND PRETTY GIRL BUT IF YOU LOSE WEIGHT I WILL GO OUT WITH YOU. I STILL REMEMBER TILL THIS DAY. IN JR. HIGH I WOULD SAY THIESE WERE MY BEST YEARS OF SCHOOL BECAUSE I GOT BOOBS AND THEY WERE BIGGER THAN EVERYONE ELSE. HIGH SCHOOL WELL I REMEMBER IN 10TH GRADE I HAD THIS ONE FRIEND WHO IS VERY NICE TELL ME TO ASK FOR A DRESS FOR MY MY B-DAY SO I DID AND GOT ONE. I HAD IT ON ONE DAY AND SOME GUY MADE FUN OF ME, BECAUSE I HAVE BIG LEGS. BUT I GAINED ABOUT 70 POUND AFTER I HAD MY SON AT AGE OF 19. SINCE THAN I HAVE BEEN SO UNHAPPY IN MY LIFE. I HATE TO GO OUTSIDE WITH MY SON TO PLAY BECAUSE PEOPLE NOT JUST KIDS MAKE FUN OF ME. I HATE BEING SO YOUNG AND FAT. GOING TO BUY FOOD FOR MY HUSBAND AND I IT LIKE A NIGHTMARE. I THINK PEOPLE ARE LIKE WHY IS SHE BUYING SOOO MUCH FOOD. AND PEOPLE GIVE ME SUCH DIRTY LOOKS BECAUSE I AM SOO YOUNG AND FAT AND HAVE A CHILD. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO GO A DAY WITH OUT A NAP AND ABLE TO GO SWIMMMING ( I WON'T DARE WEAR A BATHING SUIT) AND GO TO CEDAR POINT AND GO ON ROLLER COSATERS. AND MAKE LOVE TO MY HUSBAND LIKE WHEN I WAS 18. AND TO HAVE EXTRA KICK. I WANT TO BE SKINNY ONCE IN MY LIFE. ANOTHER THING I WANT TO DO IT GET A JOB, POEPLE DON'T WANT TO HIRE AND I DO BELIEVE IT IS BECAUSE OF MY WEIGHT. AND I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY HIGH SCHOOL REUNION AND TELL EVERY SINGLE GUY THAT EVER TURNED ME DOWN TO GO STICK A FOOT UP THIER BUTT. I CAN';T WAIT TO SEE OF THOSE CHEERLEADERS AND TO SEE THAT I AM WAY BETTER LOOKING THAN THEM AND THAT MOST OF THEM HAVE LOST THIER SKINNY BODIES. I CAN'T WAIT. MY DAY WILL COME IT AND IT WILL BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!! I WILL GO OUT TO PARTY AND TO CLUB AND TURN EVERY GUY DOWN BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS THE BEST AND HE SAW RIGHT THROUGH MY WEIGHT. TO MAYBE BUY CLOTHES AT 5 7 9 OR THE GAP EVEN OLD NAVY ( REMEMBER I AM ONLY 20) I WANT TO GO OUT AND HAVE THE TIME OF MY LIFE WITH MY HUSBAND RIGHT BY MY SIDE!!!!! AFTER WLS THERE WILL BE A NEW KRISTIN AND WORLD WATCH BECAUSE CRAZY KRISTIN WILL BE HERE TO STAY!!! FOR ANY ONE GETTING THIS DONE GO BACK TO WHERE YOUNG, AND JUST HAVE FUN.... REMEMBER THIS WILL BE A TOOL TO YOUR 2ND LIFE, USE IT RIGHT!
— Kristin K.

August 1, 2001
I feel the same as below only 32 years worth. It also bothers me that i have not been in a relationship of substance in 6 years. I think I am afraid of men because I am fat and mostly I have been treated poorly by them :(*. I cannot walk, stand, breathe, do anything normal, and I cry all the time. Reading all these posts bring out a new emotion in me, I had no idea people really truely suffered like I do, and although its comforting, its absolutely heart wrenching.
— jennifer B.

August 7, 2001
I am a support person for our hospitals computer network, which requires going to all the different areas in the hospital and working on equip. I have been asked not to sit in someones chair (I had to bite my tongue to not reply), getting on my knees to get under a desk to work on a computer. Lifting equipment. This is a really hard to do. Then there is the grocery shopping for the family. I am married to a man who loves sweets and can eat a whole cake by himself and never puts on weight. My two daughters love sweets also and I see my 10 year old headed for the same problems I have had since I was 10. I want to lose this weight so I can help her and particate in both of the girls lives. I want to be able to walk into a store and by something off the rack because I like it, not because it is the only thing that will fit and it looks like "fat old lady clothes" and I am 48. The manufactures think that overweight people must wear loud flowered unflattering clothes (sorry I hope I didn't affend anyone). Yes and there is the way we have to take care of our personal hygiene to because we can't quite reach certain areas. There are so many, many other things about being obese that I have lived thru. But I hope my insurance will say YES and this will only be part of my past and my new future will begin.
— Cindy S.

August 18, 2001
Where to start. I am the owner of 150# of excess fat. I never want to hear again...."You have such a pretty face." I will never understand why people feel the need to "qualify". My Surg will be Qct 1,2001 in Spain! Take a shower and then sweat again while getting dressed. Feeling like another shower is needed. Shaving ones legs and that chub underneath your knee is so hard to shave. Painting ones toenails. Giving oneself a peticure and still breath. How about feeling sexy undressing for your man...sorry, sexy fat stripper I am not. Being the only hot person in the room needing no coat or sweater. Having no lap. Sandels cute and sexy with pudgy feet trying to escape. Putting on pantyhose becomes a major areobic exercise. Thinking you will wear the black dress as it is slimming...yeah, the five pounds it hides makes the 150 pounds extra look so much better.:-) and all this from a woman who likes herself in spite of....what this world does to us. Strengh? Find me a weak fat person. They do not exist. Good luck to all! We are a success with or with out surgery. Everyday we show our strength just by enduring our struggles and living life on top of that. love to all
— annie A.

August 18, 2001
I have two bi racial daughters and my family told me I was so fat that a white man wouldn't want me. And that I thought so less of myself that I did this...YEAH RIGHT!!!!!! Boy are they so uninformed on the real world.
— [Anonymous]

August 18, 2001
Wow, this brings up some emotions doesn't it? 1. Having to *test* the tray table on the plane to see if you can squeeze it past your gut. 2. Crossing your arms on the plane so you take up as little space as possible. 3. Being afraid to be sat in a booth at a restaraunt cuz you aren't sure you'll fit. 4. Knowing that the XXL t-shirt they ordered for you at work won't fit. 5. Having to wear clothing made by *OMAR, the tentmaker*. 6. Having your mother hold up clothes and say, "Do you think this is BIG enough?". 7. Knowing that you'd rather be dead than spend another year fat. 
— kylakae

August 18, 2001
Heck I will say this is one heck of a question. 1. The noise u make going on a squeaky floor. just sounds 100 times louder. 2. Looking at clothes that u think will make u look good does the opposite. 3. The variety of swimsuits out there are slim to none in the I want to wear catagory. 4. Beach!!!! The stares at the beach. 5.The kids who snicker at you. 6. The adults who sniker at u when u are exercising!! 7. The Insurance companys giving u problems about getting help. 8.we could go on...........
— kris71872

September 1, 2001
Great question! -Wondering if the seatbelt will fit you on an airplane. -Wondering if the person who you are applying for a job with won't hire you because you are fat, if you get hired wondering if you will be the heaviest their -Missing out on trying new activities because you are too heavy--like dog sledding -Wanting to run everytime someone tries to snap a picture of you. -Buying clothes just because they fit, not because you like them -Getting whistled at and knowing they are whistling at you as a joke. -Being 38 and never been on a date because you were told all your life nobody likes people who are heavy I could go on. People are right it does bring up a lot of emotions.
— [Anonymous]

September 1, 2001
Being obese my whole life I wanted to share a very painful experience as we have all had but even adults can be very mean to obese children and not realize it, or they just don't care. When I was about 12 yrs old I weighed about 160 lbs. I was at a girls church camp (LDS) and one of the parent counselors took me aside and told me that unless I lost weight I would never find a man to love me. Now her daughter was a very slim and beautiful girl, everyone wanted to look like her. I can not put into words how much this hurt me. I think a little part of me died that day. I was a child, I beleived her. I went home and never told anyone,not even my mother. To this day every time I think about what she said it makes me cry, and I don't know why Im almost 32 years old. Well she was wrong and I have been married for almost 8 years, and we have a 4 yr old daughter.Well my surgery is on 9/12/01, and one day soon I will be a new person. But yes being obese is a painful and emotional life, one we all hope to leave behind.
— kim L.

September 1, 2001
Here's another one. How about the guy I grew up with that I thought was a friend, and one day he said he wanted to go to bed with me to see what it was like to do a fat chick.
— kim L.

September 1, 2001
How abut wiping yourself in a public restroom after a bowel movement. The stalls just aren't wide enough! Constant bladder leakage because there is so much fat pushing on the bladder. Not being able to fit into a restaruant booth. Affected sexual relations with my husband because there is too much fat in the way
— Dawn H.

September 13, 2001
There are so many things I can add. 1. Not getting parts in plays or musicals, even though you have more talent than the rest of the cast combined, just because of you weight. 2. Getting chorus parts, and being made wear humiliating costumes, that just don't work on fat people. 3. Getting out of the family boat to go swimming and not being able to get back in without your Dad dragging it to the shore so you could just step up, whilst everyone on the boat all has their own solutions as to how you can get up, when all you want to do is swim to the bottom of the lake and stay there. 4. When family member are constantly "just trying to help" with their various diets and tips and what not. 5. When you get up the courage to go to the gym and your working really hard and feeling good until some jock remarks to his friend "That chick really needs to come here more often" 6. Having a shower after your workout and the gym towels don't even begin to cover you. If I'd sew three together I may fit. 7. When your brother is embarassed of you when his friends are around. 8. When you have to meet your fiance's family and you know all they see is fat, and wonder how he could be with someone so huge. 9. When you get in deep trouble for skipping gymn class back in highschool, but you don't care, as you would rather punishment than the humiliation. 10. When you do go to gym class, and you have to tell people NOT to pass the ball, afraid of what stupid thing you might do with it. 11. When you don't want to get in a canoe, as your end of the boat is all the way in the water and the other person is practically in the air. 12. When your beautiful 120lb friends are all talking about how fat they are in front of you. 13. When you can't bring yourself to go to the mall, because of the heartless teenager mall rats that always have some choice comment to make about your weight. 14. When you can't bear going to class because of the little seats and your blubber falling out of them and everyone staring at you and you leave with such a back ache 15. When your class is on the second floor and you have to take the stairs and you walk in looking like you've just run a marathon 16. When your parents think you are lazy because you don't want to unload the diswasher, but it erally just hurts so much to lean down and up over and over again. 17. When you got denied a good job because you don't look the part. 18. When random people try and tell you about their new diets. 19. When people tell you you have a pretty face. Gee thanks... 20. When medical people think you're stupid just because you're overweight... or anybody for that matter... 21. When you can't stand to have your picture taken, as you know it will just be another way for a family member to remind you you need to lose weight. 22. When you go shoe shopping and ask for a 10 wide and the clerk yells back in shock TEN WIDE?????????? I don't think anybody wears that size. Hello, I say as I peek out of my hole. 23. When your graduation gown is white and makes you look like the Pilsbury dough boy. 24. When you have to have sexy shoes, and then you can't go on after a few hours, due to the pain. 25. When people at Weight Watcher's become lifetime members and get up in front of the class and when asked how much they've lost they say somthing between 10-20 pounds... well big friggin deal... Maybe I'll go bck when I hear about someone who's lost between 100-200, what I need to lose. 26. When you cover your lap with a blanket and pretend to be asleep when the flight attendant comes by to check that seatbelts are fastened, as you don't want her to see that your's doesn't fit, and cause a big fuss. 27. When you really really hate yourself, and none of the above help.
— [Anonymous]

September 13, 2001
Oh wow, where to begin? Having difficulty wiping myself, getting straight A's every semester but hating school because the desks give me bruises, resteraunt chairs making my ass ache but having to sit on them because there is no way in hell I'm getting into a booth. Going through drive-thrus and thinking I'm ordering too much food so I order a second drink so they won't know it's all for me and think I'm a "pig." Being the only fat person I know. Having friends talk about how fat they are when I would give anything to be that small, knowing that my reality is their worst nightmare. My friend's loving me so much that they don't even consider my weight as an issue. Being too ashamed to tell them that it is. Pulling my shirt sleeves down 24/7. Wanting to f*@% but not wanting to be seen naked. Being too fat to skydive. My knees grinding when I walk up stairs...talking louder or making my keys jingle to drown it out and then having to stand still until I catch my breath. Praying I make it through the turnstiles, being first so I can have a friend behind me and not a stranger when I squeeze through. Not fitting (not by a long shot) into the clothes I want to wear. Not being able to shop with friends. High heels KILLING after an hour. Dancing my ass off all night and not being able to escape that fleeting thought of "I wonder if anyone was laughing at me." Never lacking attention from guys at bars and clubs but always wondering if it's a cruel joke or if he's crazy...because he'd HAVE to be crazy to think I was hot, right? Not getting tattooed. Not being able to wear sexy bras. Being told I'm too fat to donate platellets, leaving, getting in my car, and crying for 1/2 an hour. It taking 45 minutes to donate blood because my veins are so deep. Chokers living up to their name. Most car seat belts. Breaking the chair while eating breakfast with my best friend's family the morning of her college graduation. The rawness in my folds. My thighs rubbing. Never liking the way I look in photos. Never knowing if attention is good or bad. Wanting to mountain climb, bungee jump, white water raft, hike, camp, rollerblade, bike ride, run a marathon, swim, do a handstand...and not being able to. Wanting surgery because I know it's my best/last hope and then realizing it might not happen.
— Heidi K.

September 15, 2001
Tired of my weight decideding everything I do in life. As I get older its becoming easier to just say I am too big to fit in that booth at a resteraunt. Wanting to ride the new roll-a-coaster with the kids, getting in the chair unable to latch the bar and three teenage girls pushing with all their might to get you latched. Why are the bathroom stalls getting smaller? Oh its me getting bigger. Having people appraoch you in an aisle at the store and turn the other way instead of trying to get by me. Sizing up chairs before I sit in them, will my bottom fit, will it hold my weight. Looking for 4x clothes, just buying them because they will fit. The sweat and the odors of the flab. The tears, lonilness, oh such a pretty face.....
— [Anonymous]

September 19, 2001
Wow, I have read every response. Some are so sad. At 42 and overweight my entire life, I have a few to add. 1. Needing your thin husband to replace yet another toilet seat you cracked, because you have to do the wiggle, wiggle, dance, dance to wipe your butt. 2. As others have said, not going places because you will see the same people and you only have the "same" clothes to wear yet again. 3. booth's, need I say more! 4. Having everything in your master bathroom covered in powder, because you have to use so much under the folds and when it comes to powdering the unmetionables you almost have to throw the powder since your arms won't reach. 5. Sitting in a restaurant watching those around you watch you. this happened just the other night. One man, was terrible about it, I wanted to heave my 300+ body out of the chair and ask him if I knew him, since he was staring so hard. 6. People who won't make eye contact in a store, are they afraid it will rub off? 7. Driving a full sized conversion van bacause your afraid to deal with a small car. 8. People who think you dumb because your fat, never can understand that one. 9. Not wanting to go to someone's house because you don't know if they will have fat friendly chairs, and holding "it" until you get home, because you are afraid you could break their toilet seat. Many more, but I think I will stop now.
— [Anonymous]

September 19, 2001
You see...unlike some other people here, I actually do feel good about myself occasionally...although I guess you could just consider it denial. ;) 1) Looking in the mirror before going out at night and thinking I look pretty hot, and then getting to the club and realizing from the lack of attention I get from men that I must be the ONLY one who would possibly think that. 2) Going out for a smoke at work and feeling like all the others out there are staring at the fat chick. 3) Feeling the discomfort of the person who has to squeeze next to me at a concert AND having the pleasure of going home with bruises on the outside of my thighs because of those damn tiny seats. 4) Sweating, sweating, sweating - just about says it all. 5) Standing all night at a bbq or outdoor party because I am afraid to sit on a flimsy lawn chair. 6) Having men think that just because I am fat I must be easy. 7) Always sitting in the front seat of the car if there are a bunch of us - even if the friend whose boyfriend is driving is sitting in the back AND the fact that this is never discussed, always assumed, I guess it's discussed before they pick me up. 8) Not fitting into any cute clothes that I see - feeling like the old matron of my group of twentysomething girlfriends. 9) Feeling like people are thinking "who does she think she's kidding" when I try to eat healthy from the cafeteria at work. 10) Most of all, feeling like a failure.
— PaulaM

September 26, 2001
Yeah, being fat sucks. How about these: Wearing the old "t-shirt under an open button down shirt," pretending to be casual while hoping that nobody notices that you couldn't button that shirt over your girth to save your life. Having an apologetic lady on the airplane switch seats because you are squeezing the life out of her thin little body. Wearing stretchy pants with elastic waistbands and wondering if your friends ever notice. Considering yourself invisible in social "scoping" situations. Believing that anything having to do with sex has nothing to do with you. Knowing that everything you eat is another teaspoon of dirt taken away from the grave you are digging for yourself. Being a "cutter" in part because you hate your body so much (yes, I see a therapist). Having your mother tell you quite calmly that whenever she looks at you all she can think about is your weight. Grimacing as a chair creaks under your weight. Having the sides of your thighs squeeze out under chair handles. Getting disapproving looks from old ladies. Wondering what people are thinking of you after they give you a surreptitious up-and-down glance. Gaining the "Freshman 75." Not going to the doctor for years because the scale is in view of the waiting room. Not going to the dentist for fear of breaking the chair. Cutting your own hair because you don't think the hairdresser will be able to lift you up in the chair with the little pumpy hydraulic thing. Not going to your grandparents' 60th anniversary party because you know that they disapprove of your size. Skipping all school reunions because you are the one who got fat...and how!
— Heather M.

September 27, 2001
Falling down the stairs because you are so off balance and pulling your 2-year-old daughter with you. Then spending 2 weeks having anxiety attacks because you know that if she had been in front you could have crushed her.
— [Anonymous]

October 9, 2001
I sit here laughing because these answers are so true. I have experienced so many. I can say that getting in and out of boats is a real problem, everytime I go boating with my skinny sisters and their husbands, I am totally freaking out about how am I going to get back into that boat after swimming. Usually I wait until no one is looking and struggle by climbing with one foot on the motor and one on the back of the boat, what a sight this must be. I have tried to get into the boat at low tide and ended up falling into the boat, wow did that hurt. The airplane seats, the tray in front, the rides at Busch Gardens are a blast, but my big boobs seem to get in the way of latching down those harnesses. For a little fun, I have to be in pain trying to squeeze myself into those seats. Sometimes I'm afraid of riding in them, don't want them to break off with me in it. The comments of what a pretty face...if you would just lose the weight.ugggggg, if I hear that again I'm gonna freak out. The parties at work where everyone brings a dish and you help yourself, that is not as bad as trying to hold the darn paper plate in your lap (what lap?) and try to be comfortable eating from it. Well I agree 100% with all the comments. I am morbidly obese (I hate that word), but I am 238 lbs at 5'4" and have carried my weight pretty well proportionately, most people don't think I am 100 lbs. overweight, but I am and want to do something. I am presently on the road to surgery and pray everyday that I am successful with this drastic means of weight loss. Good luck to all who are accomplishing this.
— laflagal

October 10, 2001
Once again I have to add to my comments of yesterday. My father used to call me "Moose" for years, and the comment of "Omar the Tent Maker" for my clothes was always apparent in the household. My ex-husband's father use to tell him to go after the heavy women because they don't date much and are always horny, which is so not true, but when I heard him tell me that I was mad. He has been my ex now for over 9 years, still loves me, does not care if I'm fat or not, just wants me to be healthy. Boy will he be in for a shock when he sees me lose that extra 100 lbs.
— laflagal

November 2, 2001
Here are my pet peeves: Sitting at work and having to cough or sneeze and you wet your pants and the seat you are sitting on; not having sex for months because you are uncomfortable (can't breathe) and lost the desire; wondering how your husband could even want to have sex with you; sitting on a plush couch at a friend's house and having a problem getting off it when everyone goes to the dining room for coffee and cake; sitting in a sand chair and having your husband have to pull you up to help you get out; thinking that you are always the fattest person anywhere you go; thinking that you ar the "fat" cousin at an affair; feeling sorry for the person sitting next to me at a crowded movie theatre, because my fat is now up around my neck and I can't breathe and have nowhere to put my arms but folded on my chest; being wedged into a stadium seat and being black and blue the next day; not being able to open the tray on the airline because your stomach makes it impossible; not being able to tie your shoes; walking down stairs one at a time because you are afraid to lose your balance and fall; actually falling down the stairs and cracking the wooden step; I could on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.......
— [Anonymous]

November 27, 2001
Here's a few: Having people stop you everywhere you go and ask you when your baby is due,and you are like "what baby?" Talk about embarrassing. Or, having no choice but to sit in a restaurant booth and your breasts practically sit upon the table, so that you barely have room for your dinner plate. Having to go to 25 different wedding shops to find a wedding gown that comes in your size. What? Fat people don't get married??? Being tempted to shop over in the Maternity section of your store, because the clothes are so cute...just to find out that they dont even fit! Having to listen to little kids in the store ask their Mom or Dad if you are a fat person. Or worse yet, having them ask you personally, "are you fat?" Having to finance your wardrobe every six months, because for some reason your washer/dryer keeps shrinking all your clothes. NOT! Coming to the realization that regular scales don't even go past 300 or 350 pounds. Coming to the realization that once you reach a size 28, you cant even buy your clothes in a normal store. Time to go and pay $100 for a stupid tshirt at a special large woman's store. Having your mother in law talk to you about how fat her own daughter is getting...when you must surely weigh 100 more pounds then her. What..she wants YOUR advice? Having other women think they can lure your husband away just because they are thinner. Foget that they are uglier! Gosh...the list goes on and on...and on....
— Shawnie S.

December 10, 2001
I have read the last month of answers to this question and how I relate! I can laugh and cry with all of you! O.K.: 1. Walking in someone's house or in a store, turning around and knocking things off shelves with your butt. Wondering how they fell and then realizing how. 2. Trying to put on cheap socks after they've been washed a couple of times and shrunk. 3. Smiling and trying to act nonchalant when your skinny friend's child keeps looking at you and pointing, saying, "You have a very fat stomach!" She corrects him by telling him not to say that because it will hurt your feelings. You secretly imagine kicking both their skinny butts down the stairs. You smile. 4. The lap bar will not close on the ride at Knotts Berry Farm and you have to get up and leave, while the long line of people watches. Your skinny friend and her child and yours all fit just fine. It's early in the day and you've just gotton there. You have at least six more hours of this. Your friend seems to be totally clueless about why you left and can't wait to get on the next ride. 5. Your loving husband, who has been having sex with you for years while you're fat, develops a problem with "impotence". After a number of very discouraging attempts at sex, you realize that his "impotence" has quite a lot to do with the fact that he can't REACH you - you're 25 pounds heavier than you were at the last attempt - and THAT attempt was quite a dramatic undertaking in itself. 6. Shopping for clothes by yourself because you're sick of thinner friends holding up a size 16 and saying, "This is cut very large. I'm sure it will fit!" (You stretch into a 26-28.) 7. Every year, going through the trauma of wanting to attend the women's retreat but knowing because of all of your extra weight, you will snore like a bear. You have candidly discussed this with your skinny pastor's wife and asked for your own room. You will pay more. Every year it's another round of "well, we could put you with snorers, that's worked before" I stopped even trying to explain it to her - this year, I didn't even go on the retreat. My loss, unfortunately. 8. Being treated like you're feeble minded or unworthy. Frankly, it is very seldom that this happens to me, but when it does, it's pretty obvious what it's about. My husband thinks his doctor is great (this is NOT my WLS doctor!). When I was with my husband and we talked to this man, he did seem like a caring doctor who also was quite verbal about his religious beliefs. My husband is in ministry, and we both were very pleased to have found such an awesome doctor. Unfortunately, the good doctor didn't recognize me when I came in by myself. "You're extremely overweight!" he sniffed one time I came in. The next time I came in, he treated me like I was an imbecile when I asked him questions about some unusual freckles that had developed on my son's back. Then he looked me up and down in disgust. He was so much into being disgusted by my size that he was doing a downright lousy job of being a doctor - and a Christian for that matter! No more of that clown for me! I have another doctor who's great. Fortunately, I also know that Jesus loves me regardless of my size. 9. This is a funny one - I once had a job where I was the receptionist for a large company. I was required to wear a dress and hose every day. I would sit for hours at a time in those hose and as you might guess, weight and all I developed one heck of a yeast infection. My doctor said, "No more pantyhose!" I had to try to find a GARTER BELT in a 3 - 4X. After numerous humilitating attempts at stores in the mall, I finally tried Fredericks of Hollywood. The clerk gave me a knowing look and said yes, those garter belts were over in the corner. Imagine how I felt having to come back and ask her if they had any garter belts WITHOUT feathers, studs, or glitter? Anyway, my friend in the battle, we are still worthwhile, loveable people. There are many very powerful, intelligent people who stuggle with their weight. We do have some pretty large hurdles to overcome, but our VALUE as human beings is every bit as high now as it will be when we're thinner. I am looking forward to my weight loss surgery so that I can more effectively and completely enjoy what this world has to offer - not to become a better person. Hold your head up - you are loved, you are valuable. Believe it!
— [Anonymous]

December 27, 2001
How about watching your little sister for 29 years sit on your dad's lap and just wishing that you could do that just one time. Eating lunch and while doing so, wondering what you are going to eat for supper. Thinking of food 24/7. Not buying lingerie to please your husband because you are told by someone in the store it just wouldn't look good on your body "shape". Having to use a scooter in every store.
— [Anonymous]

January 3, 2002
HIDING! Hiding in my home, in my car, and in my clothes. Not wanting people to see me at all, not even those I love. Catching a glimpse of my reflection, and wanting to cry. Feeling trapped within my own body....Always sweaty and hot, even when it below zero. And the all time favorite, being asked when my baby is due. I finally got so tired of it, I'd just smile and say any day now. Sigh. Now post op, and being angry at the type of abuse I allowed myself to take. Thanks!
— Donna S. C.

January 3, 2002
A day in my life.... hmmmm... here are some typical things you'd go through... Having to sleep at least 8-9+ hours otherwise you will be the biggest bitch you've ever seen. (I think I need to sleep that much because my body is exhausted from carrying itself around.) Having to leave for classes that are in a building 3 blocks from your dorm about 15 minutes ahead of time so that I have time to walk there. Being completely out of breathe and unable to speak after climbing the 3 flight to your classroom. Getting to class and breathing a sigh of relief that your classroom has tables with normal chairs instead of the desks that you can't fit into. Eating with friends and making sure to let them know that this is your only meal of the day so they don't question why you are eating so much. Having to dress up for a presentation or for a special occassion and having to wear shorts under your dress because 1. you sweat so much it would run down your legs and 2. because otherwise you will get such a bad rash from your nylons it will hurt to walk for at least the next week. Trying to explain to your skinny friends that you just don't feel like going to an amusment park even though they know you really love roller coasters (the truth is you can't fit in the seats and would rather not suffer through the humiliation of having two of them have to push the lap bar down on you so that you can ride). Always making sure to call "shotgun" in cars because the seat belts in the backseat of any cars don't fit. Thinking people will think you're a lesbian because you stare at pretty women wishing you could be them and thinking that they have no idea how good they have it. Feeling sorry for your boyfriend for having to be seen with you and wondering why he stays with you. Lights always OFF - 'nuff said. OK... I think I've rambled enough.
— [Anonymous]

January 17, 2002
dON'T FORGET HAVING TO FIND SLACKS FOR WORK AS YOU CAN'T BEND OVER TO PUT ON PANTY HOSE ANYMORE, YOU TRY TO MEET THE CONSERVATIVE DRESS CODE - BUT YOUR ANKLES CANNOT HANDLE HEELS OR YOU CALVES KNEE HIGHS. ALSO, REMEMBER THOSE OF US WITH OBESITY CAUSED SLEEP APNEA - YOU KISS YOUR HUSBAND GOODNIGHT AND CRINGING AS YOU WRAP YOUR HEAD IN VELCRO STRAPS AND COVER YOU NOSE WITH YOUR CPAP MASK - KNOWING YOU WON'T BE SINGING "TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT"
— Michele W.

March 25, 2002
Here are a few that I have... 1)Walking up to an obstructed area so you turn sideways, only to find out that there is no difference and you might have just as well walked thru head on. 2)Getting out of bed and pretending you have a leg cramp (yeah, right - everyday?) because your body is SO sore and you can barely walk. 3)Feeling 'grossed out' at the idea of your husband wanting to have sex with you. Then he starts to feel like you're not attracted to him. The last thing that's been really bothering me is now having to DEFEND my reason for having the surgery... its like people think Im giving up on myself. They say, "why have the surgery? why don't you just eat like you would if you had the surgery?" which is very frustrating. I think that lots of them are concerned for me, and I appreciate that, but be happy about a solution.. if not, you'll be concerned when Im in the hospital after a heart attack at age 28! As I read this page, I just cried (and laughed too) - I especially liked the underwear like a surrender flag comment :) Thanks everyone... I know when I talked to my SKINNY husband and tried to explain to him all that an MO person goes through day to day, he was BLOWN AWAY! God Bless you all!
— Julie L.

March 25, 2002
well let's see...1) to be able to get out of bed after a night of "restful" sleep and not feel like your back is reaking....2)you have such a pretty face..i think i hate that more than anything...3) to be asked if i think 32W jeans will fit or a 52 shirt...which the answer is no....i haven't worn jeans since i was in high school....4) to take a shower and not feel like ive climbed mt everest 5) to not have my family feel sorry for me ...It isn't easy being "Morbidly Obese"...by the way i hate that term....
— arabbit28

March 25, 2002
Wow, I cried after reading some of these. 1. Being afraid to sit in lawn chairs because you broke an aluminum one once and your family couldn't stop laughing for days. 2. You dad's visiting friend uses your bathroom and you later overhear him asking "who's drying the hammocks" in reference to your bras hanging up over the towel bar. 3. Being picked last for any sport because no one wants a fat person on their team, even though you're better at most sports than some people. 4. Having your family say "you have such a pretty face, you just have to lose some weight". 5. Your brothers CONSTANTLY making fat jokes. You only get to see your dad for a few months out of the year (due to shared custody of you as a child) and then crying yourself to sleep every night you're there because you know when you wake up for breakfast you'll get another round of jokes. 6. Being blamed for any "missing" food in the house, even if you SAW someone else eat it. 7. Your family not wanting to take you with them to a baseball game because you're not dressed appropriately for public display (but really you just don't have ANY clothes that fit you). 8. Not being able to shop with your friends and realizing that you're too fat for the fat stores and having to order all your clothing. 9. Not going to the gynecologist until you were 21 because you dreaded being naked and open for the world to see. 10. My mom taking away my Halloween candy when I was 9 because I was "too fat to eat it". 11. Overhearing my parents fight about my weight at age 9 and hearing my step-dad say "she weighs as much as a damn teenager for God's sake". 12. Not being able to share clothes with my sister, mother, circus elephant... 13. Always paranoid that people are thinking about how fat you are. 14. Knowing that men only want to be your friend or just use you for sex. 15. Wearing jeans so tight on your waist that you almost pass out several times during the day. My list could go on. I want people who think that just because you're obese doesn't mean you're lazy, don't have feelings, are stupid, easy, or anything else. I printed out the list of answers from the rest of you to show my family and anyone else who thinks being obese is "my choice" because I "eat too much".
— Paula Prichard

March 25, 2002
These made me laugh and cry. I am so glad to know I am not alone. Here's my list, some are repeats from what others have said. 1) Looking at a chair with arms or a booth and wondering if I am going to fit. 2) Wearing shorts under a dress so my thighs don't spontaneously combust from the heat rash. 3) Living 10 miles from an amusement park and not going for fear of not fitting into the seats. 4) Avoiding pictures at all costs, but when forced to, hiding behind anyone I can grab. Seeing those pictures later and realizing that pictures don't lie. 5) Crying in the dressing room while trying on clothes that don't fit. 6) Mentally strangling people who weigh MUCH less talking about how 'fat' they are. 7) Trying to ignore or change the subject when diet commericals come on TV. 8) Not wanting to visit my hometown for fear of seeing someone I used to know. 9) After climbing stairs, finding something to comment on so I can stop and take a breather. 10) Being so paranoid during sex, making sure the light is off, the covers are on, that I am covered in all the right places. Who do I think I am fooling? 11) Avoiding movies that I might think have love scenes with skinny people, for fear of embarrassment. 12) Avoiding meeting new people because I think all they will see is the fat. 13) Getting horrible tummy pains from trying to hold my stomach in at social gatherings. Again, who am I fooling? 14) Wondering if the cashier at the store is glancing at the size of the circus tent underwear I am buying. 15) Wearing pants in the summer so I don't expose anyone to my chubby legs. 16) Not wanting to get up out of a chair in the summer because I am afraid of leaving a 'sweat' mark. 17) Making sure any skirts or dressed I do wear are ankle length. 18) Having a super-skinny girl at work comment that she is cold all the time, and that I must be warm all the time because of my 'extra' padding. (And she was a good friend of mine). 19) Having people go nuts over the cute girl who lost 10 pounds, when I could lose 40 and not have anyone notice. 20) Being pregnant at 315 pounds and being glad to have a reason to let my tummy stick out. 21) Having my partner want me to buy something 'sexy' to wear, but knowing that anything I put on will make me feel anything but. 22) Seeing fat people made fun of on TV, radio, movies. Why is this OK????? 23) Making snide comments about myself all the time, saying things that I would clock other people for saying. 24) Eating an entire package of something, then feeling bad about it, then going on to eat some more. 25) Wanting to wear a sign that says "I had WLS, I won't look this way forever." There are SO many more I could add, I look forward to listing the things I can do.
— Jennifer G.

March 25, 2002
1.Having to go to college just to keep on your parents health insurance because you are so obese that previous health problems are only multiplied. 2. Having to live with a family that is mental and take verbal and physical abuse because you are too sickly to work. 3. Knowing that you are the one that has broke your furniture belonging to friends, family and self. 4. Not being able to sit in a desk at college and having to look around for a chair and a table if you are lucky to find one. 5. Having to use the handicapped bathroom because when you use the small bathrooms you cannot get in and out of there properly. 6.Having horrid rashes that have actually kept you off from work when you were lucky enough to be working 7. Having drs assume you are a pig when you hardly ever eat junk food and your family hardly even has money for food. 8.Having a skinny grandma who thinks she is being helpful by buying you over the counter diet pills and then years later, at 5 foot 1 decides to joint Weight Watchers to lose 5 lbs. 9. Having an apartment that looks like hell because you barely have the energy to study, drive, sleep, and God forbid eat a few meals a day. 10. Not being able to put your shoes on without having to do a contortion act, or be able to do any kind of personal hygiene or dressing without doing a contortion act. 11. Going to a bar and having guys snicker and laugh and make rude remarks because you are so fat. 12. Knowing you are not depressed but having people assume you must be an emotional eater because you are obese. 13. Feeling like you have to explain everything you eat to everyone who is watching you. 14. Not having a normal period because your weight has added to hormona problems. 15. Having your PCP tell you you are so heavy you are gonna die even though he is not interested in helping you at all. 16. Being in pain all day long and having to deal with it without locking yourself in a closet. 17. Always being tired. 18. Not being able to shave well. 19. Getting stuck in your tub because it is too small and you are too big. 20. Breaking a hospital bed and having to have the nurses come get a new one knowing darned well they know you broke it. 21. Not knowing what to do with your life because you belong nowhere and no one in your family loves you like they should because they are too self-absorbed to care about you. 22. Having skinny friends suggest you try out the soup diet they are on...like you arent gonna be hungry all day long and need diarhhea. Lovely days indeed when you are obese.
— Michelle H.

March 25, 2002
It is nice to identify with people and know that I'm not alone. I just have a couple to add to the list. 1)Having to wear 5 Kotex pads at a time just to get the coverage you need. 2)The worst one for me was during a pre-natal visit to the OB/GYN when he told me I'd be lucky to get an ultrasound picture or even hear the heartbeat of the baby- if we could find it under all that fat. I understand now why my thin friends thought this was a good doctor. I felt like telling him that my body was not as fat as his head! LOL Everyone hang in there, I hope we are all more compassionate people for having suffered this way.
— Tina C.

April 3, 2002
1. Having to go buy a new shirt because you gained more weight. 2. You could get a better job if you lost weight.3. You have a pretty face. 3. Thinking that the clothes you are wearing look pretty good then someone takes a picture and you see your hidieous lap belly folding over your thighs. 4. Not being able to hold your children on your lap because there isn't one. 5. Wearing holes in your pants between your thighs. 6. Having a little girl say Lady you can't wear that dress into the pool. (I got brave and went swimming in a lovely navy women's suit.) I guess it looks like a sundress. 7. Not being attractive to your spouse. 8. Having sex on your side because that is the only way you can do it. 8. Having your husband say that we could be the documentary for whales mating and making the whale noise to go with it. 9. Need I say more!
— Geneva D.

April 8, 2002
This seems like a great way to vent, so I think I will join in. 1. Having my skinnier sister (only by 20 lbs.) eavesdrop on my conversation and finds out how much I weigh and makes fun of me and my weight once she finds out. 2. Going through a drive thru at a fast food place and ordering 2 drinks with my meal instead of one so they dont think all the food I ordered is for me. 3. Avoiding photographs and mirrors at any cost so I do not say to myself "Oh my god. Im so huge!" 4. When showering, I dont take off the towel from around me until I hop in the shower to avoid seeing my naked body in the mirror 5. I avoid old friends and public places as much as possible. I can imagine an old friend just smiling and nodding as we make small talk and thinking at the same time, "Jesus! She got fat. What is she doing to herself?" 6. See if any high school acquaintances (or just really good looking guys)are around before I go inside to buy clothes from a "fat store" like Lane Bryant and then when/if I find something, I try to hide the bag so nobody knows I have to shop at a "fat store". 7. Being overly paranoid when someone looks at me, I am 100% convinced they are staring at how fat I am and after I turn around, they are going to crack up with their friends. 8. After No. 7 occurs, about 30 seconds later, you thought of something you should have said to make them feel equally embarrassed, but you would look awfully stupid walking back 30 seconds later to give them a peice of your mind. Theres alot more but its bed time. LOL.
— Nicole0105

April 8, 2002
A day in the life...Lets see, first I get into the shower and have to turn in circles to get my body under the water.. this morning I am schelduled for a class required by my work. As I climb up in my SUV I feel the springs from the seat threatening to poke thru. I strecth the seatbelt to the max and buckle up. I drive to my destination and find the chairs all have arms, then I do my mental calculation to see if I am the largest one in the room. I am actually number 2nd largest on this day. I observe all the females sitting with their legs crossed but me and the other large lady. The chair arms are painfully pinching my legs and I know she is probobly in more pain than me. On break I go to the restroom, thinking of the 2 toilet seats I have broken at my home. I replaced them with the solid oak ones in hopes they would hold up better. It was hot in the class and I have sweated all around the legs and waistband of my panties and am now getting that painful chafing. Back in the class I feel the eyes of everyone there judge me then look thru me, I am invisible. Finally we break for lunch. Myself and a coworker go to a sit down resturant and are escorted to a booth. I wedge myself in and promptly order the salad bar (wanted the shrimp scampi) so people won't think worse about me. I don't want to go back for seconds cause again I know people will be noticing. I drop food on my shirt as usual. Back at the class they have refreshments, cookies and drinks but I am too embarressed to have any. The class ends and I arrive home exhausted. I get in my daughter's car to ride with her to the store and notice the car nearly sinks to the ground. She has gotten a role of pictures developed from Christmas and I look like some fat homeless person they drug in off the street to share Christmas with. I had tried to hide in the pictures but my moon face is visible between the heads of my two (thankfully) thin daughters. I berate myself some more for being a fat pig. At least now I am home and comfortable in my size 4 x niteshirt, having taken the 44 dd boulder-holder with the 5 sets of hooks off as soon as I walked in the door. A good friend calls me and all the while we talk I am wondering why even though I am funny and fun to be around and smart and good at my job she wants to be my friend cause I am such a cow. I decide to "paint my toenails" ie..slather the polish all over the toes cause I can't reach to do any better...the excess wears off in day or two. This is just a typical day of living in my body. Not one aspect of my life is not effected by being obese.
— Pam B.

May 8, 2002
WOW. I laughed and cried. I can add a couple from my own experience.... 1)Working at a nursing home for the elderly and hearing one deaf woman talk LOUDLY to the other deaf woman, "I wonder if shes "pragnut" or just Fat." I told her I was just Fat. She said "OH, DID YOU HEAR ME?" 2)How about having your "skinny" sister-in-law tell you she would have her jaws wired shut before she let herself get fat. 3) Or what about the last memory you have of your deceased father was him asking you, "Just how fat are you going to get before you do something about it?" (I had been on a diet and lost 50 lbs at that time.) 4) Last but not least, Having your well-meaning skinny sister say, "I don't blame you for having this surgery, if I was 100 or more lbs overweight, I'd KILL MYSELF. (Thanks for the support sis.) Hope to be on the "other side soon".
— Regina F.

May 8, 2002
I am now 37 years old and have a son who is 16 and an only child. When he was about 3 years old my mother-in-law inquired of her son (my then-husband) and I "when will you two be giving Matt a little brother or sister?" Imagine my shock and pain when my husband replied (in front of both his parents) "maybe when SHE loses some weight." I had to leave the room, walk outside. I was a true doormat back then so of course I said nothing to him, just held it inside. But I never forgot it. I DID start to lose weight and to exercise following that comment. But it wasn't enough for this jerk. A couple of years later, while doing an exercise video he walks into our living room and says "why are you doing that? You look ridiculous." Needless to say, when a handsome neighbor began to flirt with me, I didn't respond at first....but it didn't take long. I divorced the loser 10 years ago this month :) Only thing he ever gave me was a beautiful son...for that I am grateful. Ironically, this is a man who always said he likes "girls with some meat on their bones." He just never told me that he had pre-set limits on how much. - Anna
— Anna L.

May 8, 2002
Wow, I've never heard anyone talk about all the things I go through.. thanks for helping me not feel so alone and remember all the reasons I'm getting this surgery in less than a month. I've been freaked for awhile now... I want to add some of my own personal hell to this list. How about sitting in a plastic chair (wherever) and realizing when you stand up that the chair is visably wet b/c you were sweating down there. Or being a health psychology doctoral student and giving your presentation on your dissertation topic of gastric bypass only to have people screw up their faces as you talk about the procedure, and your professor ask you if this is surgically induced bulimia? Or meeting with therapy clients who are there for eating disorders and thinking to yourself that your client probably finds you disgusting because you are so fat. Or giving a presentation and having your professor come up to you afterwards and say are you okay? you were breathing so hard(I was breathing normally). Or being attracted to a man at school who laughs and jokes with you but you know he would never ask you no matter what because of what his friends might think or b/c he's not attracted to fat girls. How about at age 26 having to start on blood pressure medications and still taking them at 31. Or having more psychological knowledge than the average person and not being able to help yourself and feeling like a pathetic loser because of it. How about a co-worker asking you to walk with them at lunch and you can't keep up b/c they are walking so fast and ending up with huge blisters and looking beat red afterwards. How about making tons of fat jokes about yourself because you feel so self conscious and it's easier for you to bash yourself. Or how about hating to have to dress up like a professional because you sweat so much and start smelling even though you bathed several hours ago, and you feel so stiff and confined. How about never being able to find bras, or shoes that fit because you are weirdly sized 50C. Rashes, prolonged periods, tired arms, tired body, stretch marks, lopsided hair because holding your arms up long enough to curl your hair is hard. I could go on and on... thanks for listening.
— psychdoc B.

May 8, 2002
Wow. Again, you have confirmed why I'm on the waiting list for an appointment to see about this surgery. That cannot happen fast enough. Here are a few of mine, in no particular order: 1) Meeting your attorney/boss' young son for the first time and hear him turn to his mother (a perfect size 4) and say, "Yeah, mom, she really is fat." 2) Seeing the look of shock on faces of people who meet you for the first time after speaking to you on the telephone 3)Being treated like you absolutely do not have a brain in your head 4) Being with other moms at football/baseball/soccer practice who are going to walk around the field, but when you start to go with them, they tell you they really need to walk a lot faster than you can, after all, there's really no point unless they can race/walk; 5) Having your best friend from high school embarrassed to be seen with you although your kids are in high school together. She doesn't want a fat friend; 6) Being told that in your employment (as a court reporter) that you probably won't get a lot of work, because after all, most of the attorneys/judges are men and they don't want fat girls around them. Never mind that you have all your national certifications. 7) Ditto missionary sex; 8) Hearing son describe someone elses' mom as being 'hot' for her age. She's at least 6 years older than me; 9)Worrying about what chairs to sit in for new situations; 10) being invited to tupperware/jewelry/makeup parties and being afraid all the sturdy, good chairs are gone and I'll have to sit on the couch and have someone help me get up; 11) Not being able to walk down the bleachers at ball game. Hurts my knees too much; 12) Not being able to shop at Walmart for as long as I want. Have to leave because legs hurt so bad. Ditto for the mall. Not that I have lots of money for shopping, but it would be nice to LOOK as much as I wanted. 13) Hiding from high school friends in stores so they won't see me, including one who was in my wedding 18 years ago. And I thought I was huge then at a size 16. Geesh. And the list goes on and on. But my future is my hope. Thanks you guys for being there.
— crawford1213

May 9, 2002
I first saw this posting last night and I haven't stopped crying. I think it's probably the shock of hearing what I have felt inside for over ten years. Every single thing that everyone says has happened to me and more so I won't elaborate on what's already been said but add a few. I would love to be able to get out of the bathtub in a normal way, not rolling over and getting on my knees and then struggling to pull myself up. All the while praying to God that my husband doesn't come in and catch me. And having enough breath when I get through to even dry myself off. And being able to dry my hair before work without having to stop to rest my arms.Also, I would like to stand up , after sitting for a while and not have fifty million wrinkles in my pants where my belly has been laying on my lap.I would love to get out of the habit of huffing and puffing at work so my patients will stop saying everytime they see me I am blowing. I would love to have the energy to go to church every Sunday, actually have a dress that I can fit into and have the money to buy a few. In my smalltown the biggest size you can buy is 26/28 and there are very few of them. I need a 28. So I never buy new clothes, just the same old sweat pants and tee shirt. On my honeymoon, I could hardly take a dump because the secluded toilet was to close to the walls and I had no room to spread my legs to wipe my "boom boom". Being able to have dry "drawers" and feeling fresh but I can't because my bladder leaks at any time. Gone beyond the coughing and sneezing stage. I miss my husband!!!!! We all know how much of a battle this is. He's got to where he doesn't even ask for any anymore. That only adds to the depression and lonliness. I could go on and on but it's time for work. Time to go sweat like a pig , have my collar of my clothes be wet with sweat, my hair fall from sweating and sit down a dozen times just to get my breath and ease my leg pain. This "disease" is horrible!!!!!!!!!
— angela D.

May 9, 2002
Bet you did'nt expect this much feedback,but I must chime in on this:1.Getting out of bed in the morning,tired and achy,yes 2.tying shoes crooked,yes 3.wipin' my ass is a chore,yes 3.itchy ass from not doing a good enough job,yes 4.rashes and boils,yes 5.broken toilet seats,yes 6.broken furniture(indoor and outdoor),yes 7.doctors saying,"you know it's not a glandular problem(ASSHOLE),yes 8.Kids at daughter's school making fun of me,yes 9.daughter more hurt about it than I,yes 10.no fit on amusement park rides,yes 11.booth seats and skinny waitresses asking if I would rather have a chair,yes 12.No bars or clubs because people stare and snicker,yes 13.in love with someone who only likes stick figure women with no tits,YES YES YES 14.His mother thinking you are the worst thing for him when you have been there more than her,YES15. Finally tell her off, YES(had to sneak that in)16.Holes in crotch of all pants,yes 17.not laying on back because you will suffocate from your own tits,yes 18.Panting like a dog,yes 19.needing love and support from family and not getting it,yes 20.Afraid of dying,yes 21.Afraid your daughter is on the same path,yes and so on and so on.I can relate to every single thing on here,and I am tired of all the ignorance in this world.We are people who deserve respect.The only group of people who are allowed to be made fun of are fat people.I am sick of being less fortunate.Who's with me?
— Michelle W.

May 28, 2002
Having your size 4, 5'8", 23 yr old 'perfect' sister-in-law who ran off to the 'big city' tell you that there is no use for "larger people" in the big city because they are too slow and get in the way; having your date try to use a fat roll on your hip/thigh as an arm rest at the movie theatre - not just once - but 5 times in a single movie; being an active 'chatter' on AOL and as soon as you meet someone really cool - then trade pictures, they avoid you like the plague - as if FAT is CONTAGEOUS through typing; having to crop those online pics to show nothing from the waist down; big rear end sticking to the plastic seats when you wear shorts to Denny's; trying to buy a dress when your bust is a size 20/22 and your hips are a size 28; not being able to fit thru the bathroom door unless you go sideways; always being seen as the 'dependable' one (i.e. she cant get a date, so lets make her the designated driver, she has no life - give her the big project to do); and just forget about fitting in a barstool by the pool or at a restaurant.
— Valerie H.

May 28, 2002
How about this one? Having the DOCTOR at the CENTER FOR BARIATRIC MEDICINE where I went for one of my hundreds of diets (fen/phen)take one look at me when I walked in the room and exclaim (LOUDLY) WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO YOURSELF!!! Keep in mind this was the DOCTOR at the weight loss center! Sheesh. Guess what? I left in tears and never went back.
— Vicki R.

June 27, 2002
Hmmm... too embarrassed to let your husband see you naked...too depressed to have sex..."you have such a pretty face"... walking down the street with your mom, seeing another obese person and having your anorexic mom say, "If I ever get that fat, kill me" and knowing she's serious...having your mother tell you that no man will ever love you if you don't lose weight, no one will hire you unless you lose weight, no one wants a fat friend...having your MD tell you to walk a few miles a day and MAYBE in 3 or 4 years you'll have lost enough weight to be thought of as "overweight" instead of "obese"...not wanting your husband to do your laundry because you're too embarrassed to have him handle your clothes/tents...I am thirty years old and i will certainly die soon unless I have this surgery.
— lizinPA

June 27, 2002
Welcome to my nightmare...! The worst was at college graduation, when I was feeling really proud of myself, and my mother says all she really wants for me is a size 12 wedding dress (I was a 22/24 at the time). How about being the only fat bridesmaid and knowing the bride had to choose a style and brand to accomodate you? Husband just now reminded me that his mother asked "who's sheet is this?" when it was actually my white jacket... apparently, this was incredibly embarrassing moment for his mother and has been discussed quite a bit in my absence. 4 years ago, when my husband told them I was going to have VBG, his family was SO HAPPY because his mom was planning on calling Richard Simmons on my behalf! High-risk pregnancy hell. 3 c-sections because the babies were big and never dropped (can we say "too much fat in the birth canal?") Watching Stepmom and realizing your weight might cause you to leave young children behind. Losing 4 pounds in two months in a rigid ketogenic diet. Having the MO PCP tell you that WLS is just a gimick from the surgeons to make money. Then he says it is taking the easy way out... you just lay there and say "fix me". THEN say "So you will only be able to eat one bite of chicken and be full -- but you can eat a dozen Oreos if you dip them in milk first" -- and knowing he is right about that, in regards to VBG. Obviously he has all the answers -- he just chooses to be MO, right? On a happier note: the positives... All the girls letting you be around their boyfriends because you (obviously) posed no threat -- and knowing they were very wrong. The size 24 wedding dress and the perfect husband (married 9 years!) and being a gloriously happy bride. Wearing that wedding dress to a bar at midnight, after the reception, and having all of the incredulous, thin, single, mini-skirted women who are there looking for Mr. Right tripping over themselves to congratulate you -- even buying you shots. Having high blood pressure and having to go off the pill, getting pregnant one month later -- ten years earlier than planned -- and finding out THIS is what life is about (3 kids now - 2, 4, 6).
— Karen F.

July 28, 2002
Here is some more. Having every year at Christmas and other holidays, you family asking are you seeing a special someone, well you have such a pretty face someone will see the inner beauty of you someday. I hate the phrase " You have such a pretty face." Having your doctor say that if you would just walk 15 minutes a day, that weight would come off. Being depressed and having the doctor say "Everyone gets depressed, call the crisis line when you are feeling depressed." Has anyone else had trouble with a doctor telling you that you are over weight. I have had one doctor in the 20 years of being overweight to obese say I was fat. And it wasn't in a nice way, she was very rude about it. She did refer me to a nutrionist. I know how to eat healthy, weight is still there. People saying "If you would just try this diet or that diet, exercise, you would lose the weight." I have done it ALL! Exercise has just toned up my fat, I still didn't lose weight. Shaving is a chore, I have to sit on the side of the tub to shave because I can't see my legs good enough because fat rolls and breast get in the way. Also when bending down it is hard to breath and I see spots. I stay tired all the time, my back, knees and ankles hurt all the time. I have a fear of falling. I have fell a couple of times and hurt my ankle really badly and now have continous problems wiht them. Shopping is no fun. You find something you like and you have to keep picking sizes higher and higher up. Is it me or has the size of clothes changed? I have some 24's and 26's that fit and when I go and buy new clothes I have to buy 28's. Does anyone else stay tired a lot? I am tired of being tired. I also get so p-oed about how men here at my company gawk at the skinny co-workers and give special treatment to them. Hey, just because I am fat does not mean I am stupid. Why do people think because your fat that means you are stupid?
— Stephania H.

September 17, 2002
THIS IS A VERY INTERRESTING QUESTION.HOW ABOUT STARTING JR HIGH WITH ONLY 1 PAIR OF PANTS AT THE AGE OF 14.AND YOUR WEARING A SIZE 52 MENS.OR,GETTING PUNCHED IN THE FACE BY A 19 YEAR OLD AND HE TELLS ME"THAT'S FOR BEING A FAT F***"hOW ABOUT DOING EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO KEEP FROM GOING TO SCHOOL INCLUDING PUNCHING YOURSELF IN THE NOSE UNTIL IT BLEEDS. WOW, THAT WAS OVER 30 YEARS AGO AND IT STILL HURTS TODAY.
— SteveApril45

October 16, 2002
There are many entries here that made me want to cry and several that made me laugh because I saw myself in alot of the scenarios. Most important of all though, it was theraptic(sp?) to see all the reasons(at least that's how I see it) to have the surgery. Thank you everyone for pouring out your feelings so honestly...think of how many people you are helping by your sharing of such deep, hidden thoughts. God Bless you all.
— kathleen-Joan piper

October 17, 2002
Obesity is a disease. It's not something that just goes away by itself. I have a friend who is anti-wls. He is not in favor of changing ones genetic make-up. He keeps telling me 'If you want to lose weight, do it. I'll even do it with you.' That drives me nuts!!! He has maybe 20 lbs to lose. He doesn't seem to grasp the fact that I have the weight of an extra full grown adult to lose! It's not as easy as stepping on the treadmill when my knees ache, my feet ache, and my entire body starts to hurt. That's only one of my many gripes. My mother, when I was age 15, told me the entire family was ashamed of my looks. That still hurts eleven years later. My mother, many years later, apologized. My siblings and I never grew apart because of that, thank God, but grew closer. It amazes me that the only form of prejudice that is never addressed is weight discrimination. I would like a thin person, for one day, to live in my shoes. Walk a day on the achy feet, the swollen ankles and the sore knees. Spend a day trying to tie your shoes without gasping for breathe. Go to the store and see the people watch you as you place items in your cart. Listen to the snickers of people who walk past you because you can't keep up. Hide in the corner at the bar for fear that someone might see you and wonder what makes you think you can fit in with their crowd. I want them to take a trip back to high school with me and feel what I felt when I went to my locker and found nasty comments written on the outside of it. I want them to feel my pain and every other obese person's pain. For anyone suffering, don't lose hope, and God bless....
— kathleenv515

October 17, 2002

— Brandyraj

October 17, 2002
This all sounds so familiar! This is Me everyone is talking about! When I was in grade school (4th grade) we were going on a field trip, and the teacher chose two boys to carry the box of packed lunches to the bus. They saw the lunchbox with my name on it and acted like they couldn't lift the box! Sometimes I look back and laugh about that, but it sure wasn't funny THEN!! I also remember we were studying the metric system and the teacher brought in a scale in kg instead of lbs. I got on it and for the first time since I could remember, it was less than 100, of course, everyone else was half as much as mine. When I was 14 yrs old, I weighed 230lbs. I always seemed to be the biggest person in school. One time a girl asked me if I was pregnant-- in 7th grade. Not too uncommon today, but in 1976? One last thing, I saw a talk show one day, talking about fat discrimination. I pretty lady walked down the street, and had all kinds of men trying to help her get a cab and such. She went into a bar, and again, men flocked over her, buying her drinks and trying to make small talk. Then she left, put on a "fat suit" and tried again, guess what? NO help! NO offers to buy a drink! NOBODY trying to help her get a cab or make small talk with her! What jerks! She went back as her normal self and asked why nobody helped her, and they stated they didn't see her. She showed them the film and they had nothing to say!
— Tammy .

October 22, 2002
For me being fat use to just mean bigger clothes and people watching what I ate. Now being fat dictates every moment, every breath, and every second of my life. A friend of mine has recently started watching football with me on Saturdays and during one of our "rants" on being fat, she told me about this site and all of the answers that had been posted. At first I laughed at some of them because "been there done that", but the more I read the more I began to realize that is my life. Here are a few more "insights" of being just too fat. 1. Having your extended family disown you and yell at your parents for letting this happen and then having your parents turn around and offer to buy you a car just so they don't have to be embarassed anymore. 2. Not going to movies anymore because the last time the theater seat cracked. 3.) Friends making you wait until they pull out of the driveway to let you get in the car. 4. Going out for coffee and getting stuck in the booth only to have the whole situation made worse by a waitor helping you up and the the whole booth seat breaks off and falls for all to see. 5. Only looking for jobs where you can sit all day because your knees, hips, and back can't take anymore. 6. Going to a carnival with a friend and having the ride attendant for the Zipper having to take a running start and jump on the cage to get it closed..only to turn around and need three people to pull us out of the cage when the ride is over. 7. Finally finding that job where you can sit all day and having the chair break in front of a customer not just once but twice. 8. All your friends saying your so pretty, don't get surgery you only need to lose a few pounds. 9. I guess the most painful is having my baby sister beg me to lose weight and crying because she is afraid I'm going to die and she can't live without me...I know I could keep going and going..but we all know the rest. Good Luck to you all. God Bless.
— jennifer S.

December 8, 2002
People don't realize how hard it is to be obese. The hurts and built up emotions you carry around with you. The depression. 1. Going to dinner and hoping that it will be a table instead of a booth that you might be able to fit. 2. Running out of clothes to wear to work because you can't fit in them anymore. 3. Running out of breath just to tie your shoes, put on your clothes, or drying yourself after a shower. 4. Feeling that everyone is looking at you. 5. You husband loves you, but you know he wishes you were thinner, when you see he looks at thinner girls. 6. The intimate times are getting fewer inbetween. 7. Your family thinking it is okay the way you are, but inside you are breaking and hurting, that you don't even want to get out of bed. 8. Hoping that the next day would be better.
— Sandra E.

January 29, 2003
1. getting on a plane and knowing everybody is saying please don't let her sit by me. 2. Fat thigh syndrome 3. sitting in a booth at a resturant and having to ask the server to move you to a table. 4. never finding clothes that fits. 5. mom saying suck in your tummy. 6. buying maternity clothes because fat people can't have maternity clothes it only comes up to size 14. 7. have to have your employer order special size uniforms for you 8. one job didn't have uniforms to come in my size. 9. having to sit in the fat people seat on a rollar coaster and having to have 2 people shove the bar down and another person to buckle the belt 10. not being able to breath on the rollar coaster are just a few
— sararan

March 17, 2003
1. Walking up the stairs at work while talking to someone (who is thinner of course) and being so winded that I can't continue the conversation once we reach the top, then trying to act as if I'm not too winded to talk. 2. Not having the variety in the romance department with my husband anymore. 3. feeling like Jabba the Hut when I'm sitting on my couch at home. 4. Going to the local deli and pretending I want my food "to go" (as opposed to staying there) because I don't want to take the chance of being embarrassed if the cheap plastic seat won't hold me. 5. Feeling guilty when I go to the candy machine at work or trying to wait until no one is around it so people won't think "Ya, like you need that!". 6. Asking for a table instead of a booth when we go to restaurants. 7. Having to "assess" every chair, picnic table, bench, etc, to make sure it will hold me before I sit on it. 8. I have a job that occasionally makes the local news, and I hate seeing myself on TV. 9. Being the only one that takes the elevator at work because I don't like taking the stairs. 10. Using the handicap stall in the bathroom so there is more space. 11. Not being able to cross my legs. Wow, what a list, and if I sat here for another hour, I'm sure I could come up with 20 more! Comments on previous posts are right: people are so quick to judge and be disgusted or rude, and they truly do not understand what it is like to live this way.
— beeda

March 17, 2003
I forgot to add 2 important things. My friend's mother died suddenly in December, and I not only had to buy 2 seats for myself (and explain my reason to every airport staff member for each of my 4 flights), and it's humiliating trying to "discretely" ask for a seatbelt extender. Thankfully the stewardesses were all very discrete and kind. And finally, when I went to see the same friend last May (whom I hadn't seen in ten years), I found a card my mom (my friend and I were like sisters growing up next door to each other)that my mom had sent to her saying she was glad we were getting to see each other again. Then, my mom (who has always been loving and supportive but has always encouraged me to lose weight) proceeded to write in the card that I had "gained so much weight, but was still a gem". That crushed me. I felt like she wanted to "warn or prepare" my friend for how huge I was going to be when she saw me, even though I had warned her of that myself to save myself a little embarassment. I felt like my mom was trying to explain or justify my appearance. I never told my mom I found that card, and it took me a couple of months to stop feeling devastated by it.
— beeda

March 17, 2003
I'm printing these posts out and saving them because they're so moving. I'll add a couple more from the perspective of a relative lightweight, even though I haven't suffered as much as many of the rest of you. 1. Men making barking noises at you on the street. 2. Your therapist telling you that it's not because of your size that you don't have a man in your life. (Excuse me, I was thin when I was younger, and it's different.) 3. No offers to get fixed up with men like your other single friends get.
— sjwilde

November 11, 2003
I was a cross country truck driver with my husband for six years. I learned pretty quick to develop "tunnel vision" so I wouldnt see the stares, people pointing, kids snickering, ect. I would focus on whatever I was moving toward and do my best to block out sights and sounds around me. My poor husband, however, would see and hear all of the nasty comments made about me. Walking by myself through a truck stop parking lot, getting into the truck, and being told by my husband that he knows when I am walking back, because the CB chatter starts going crazy with all these drivers making fun of how fat I am. Me being certain that if a man as fat as me was walking next to me, they would still only comment on me? It is much less acceptable to be a fat woman of course. I walked into a store the other day past a couple who was sitting on a bench and I heard the woman say, "oh god, look at her. I turned around, went to them, did a little spin and said " have you seen enough? I have realized that i need to confront these baboons or I just go home all upset and eat until I "feel" better. Cant do that anymore, I am post-op. My husband telling me that when men make fun of me in front of him, it is like a direct challenge to him and all he wants to do is pulverize the person making fun of me, but the only thing that keeps him from doing that is jail? Being fat is the last acceptable reason to make fun of and discriminate against people.
— Retta H.

November 26, 2003
Gee - all of this just sounds like me. 1. The embarassment of not being able to walk after sitting for a few minutes; 2. Not being able to maintain great personal hygiene because you can't reach; 3. getting sores under the big bags of fat; 4. just had to ask for a seat belt extension the firs time on an airplane - embarassing; 5. feeling like I have to work hard and pretend everything is ok so I don't feel "less than"; 6. wearing clothes until they fall off because I can't bear buying new 3x or 4 x clothes; 7. feeling inadequate because people assume we are weak; 8. afraid to sit down at certain places because you are afraid the chair will break; 9. Getting on an amusement ride only to discover that they can't close the bar over your stomach; 10. Sometimes the tears of a clown because you don't want people to know how bad it really is -trying to convince them that "I am happy just the way I am" when we are actually crying inside. I was so glad to read these responses - I identified with each and every one of you.
— dwhit54

March 4, 2004
I had to resurect this post by adding my own thoughts... 1-I have never EVER EVER worn real grown-up high heels (I am 28 years old) 2-Took my boyfriend to the doctor and having the Doc look me up and down and say "WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A PHYSICAL??" then talking to the other doc, right in front of me to say "get her in her to get that thyroid checked" this was 2 weeks ago! 3-Having the guy I was once in love with tell me he would go out with me if I lost weight 4-Sitting on the bus and knowing nobody wants to sit in the 1/2 seat that is next to me because I am taking up more than my share 5-secrectly being happy when I see somebody who is bigger than me (how horid is that??) 6-having the gals at work (skinny) mope about how fat they are 7-being totally ignored by people when I say "how can I help you?" as they walk direct to the cute girls desk when I am the one talking! 8-My boyfriend telling me how he loves me just the way I am, yet seems to have lost interest in nookie. 9-leaking pee all day every day whenever I laugh or cough 10-icky sores and boiles under my breasts and in my pubic area where the fat rolls hang. 11-I have never been thin, or even "just right" I have spent so much time in my childhood and adult life being jelous of the cute, skinny girls and it has made me bitter and angry and I am sick of that person inside!
— rowaneagle

May 11, 2004
after reading through these i cryed and laughed, cause I can relate to all of them so well. Know one can understand what its like to be 500lbs and not be able to do these things:1)my husband has to clean me after i use restroom cause i cant reach,2)my husband helps me in the shower to wash everything,3)not to be able to walk hardly,3)cant stand for very long at all,4)your knees hurt so bad and your ankles and legs swell,5)not being able to have a good sex life. There are so many more but most have already been listed and i just wish people would stop judging us and treat us like human beings to. Until they have walked a mile in our shoes they should not judge us. I always felt like I was the only one who felt this way or had these problems and being able to see that im not has helped me alot. Thank you all for your support and may god bless each of you. I cant wait to get approved for wls and be on the losing side. R.H.
— Rachel H.

May 31, 2004

— Shawna P.

Click Here to Return

Our Mission

Follow us

Links

Select Photos