 To Debbie's WLS Story
02/13/03 I am having a really hard time figuring out what is in the minds of these people at the ins companies. What are they thinking??? Do they think I am just wanting to go in and let someone cut me open for the hell of it? All I want is to be able to play with my kids and have the energy to get out of bed in the morning.....Anyone else feel like that? I have sent in my 1st appeal letter...3 days ago. It only took them 2 days to deny me the first time around. Maybe this is a good sign? I am scared to death that they will deny me again.....it'll push me right over the edge. I am more and more depressed by the day. I just want to be HEALTHY>>>>ya know? Until next time, say a prayer or two for me, ya'll. GOD BLESS!
02/16/03 I AM 31 YEARS OLD, MARRIED, WITH 3 BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN. I HAVE BATTLED WITH MY WEIGHT FOR MANY, MANY YEARS. I AM CURRENTLY 5'7 AND 253 LBS. WHICH PUTS ME AT A BMI OF 39.6, I THINK. WHAT A BATTLE THIS WHOLE PROCESS IS. MY NUTRITIONALIST SAYS IT IS A "TEST OF WILL". THE INS CO'S WANT TO SEE JUST HOW DETERMINED AND DETICATED WE ARE......SO NO ONE GIVE UP. I AM STILL WAITING FOR MY APPEAL TO COME BACK. I GOT A LETTER IN THE MAIL ON SATURDAY THAT SAID IT COULD TAKE UP TO 30 DAYS TO GET THE REVIEW DONE IN FULL. SEEMS LIKE 30 YEARS AT THIS POINT. IT CAN GET DISCOURAGING, AND I HONESTLY THINK THAT IS WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO DO.......BUT, I AM A FIGHTER AND I WILL NEVER GIVE UP. THEY DENY ME AGAIN, AND I AM GOING TO HAVE TO SEEK LEGAL ADVISE. IF ANYONE KNOWS OF ANY.....E-MAIL ME, PLEASE! I AM IN THE DARK ABOUT ALOT OF THIS. I PROBABLY WOULD HAVE NOT SENT IN AN APPEAL IF IT WEREN'T FOR THIS WEB SITE.....HOW GREAT IT IS! I LOVE IT! UNTIL NEXT TIME........HOPE THAT ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE. I WILL KEEP PRAYING. GOD BLESS~~~~~~~~~~~~
02/21/03 JUST CALLED THE BCBS, AGAIN, AND STILL NO DECISION ON MY APPEAL. THEY HAVE HAD IT FOR MORE THAN 10 DAYS NOW, AND I AM ABOUT TO GO INSANE WITH THE WAITING. A PERSON COULD HAVE AN ANXIETY ATTACK (OR TWO), WHILE AWATING A DECISION. I AM TRYING TO STAY POSITIVE ABOUT THE WHOLE THING, BUT CAN'T HELP BUT HAVE BAD FEELINGS THAT THEY WILL DENY ME AGAIN......THEN WHAT DO I DO? WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP? DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I GO FROM THERE? I AM TRYING TO STAY ONE STEP AHEAD, JUST INCASE THE NEWS IS NOT WHAT I WANT TO HEAR.
MY DAD IS COMING FOR A VISIT IN MAY AND HAS NOT SEEN ME SINCE THE WEEK PRIOR TO GIVING BIRTH TO MY DAUGTHER, LAST YEAR. I WEIGHED IN AT 290#, AT THAT TIME. I AM REALLY HOPING TO BE ABLE TO HAVE MY SURGERY BEFORE THAN AND GET SOME OF THE WEIGHT OFF, SO I CAN ENJOY MYSELF WHILE HE IS HERE. GOD KNOWS I DO NOT HAVE THE ENERGY AT THE MOMENT. HE DOES NOT KNOW THAT I AM INQUIRING ABOUT THE SURGERY, AND WANT THE WEIGHT LOSS TO BE A SURPRISE. HE HAS ALWAYS TOLD ME WHAT A PRETTY FACE I HAVE, IF I COULD JUST GET THE WEIGHT OFF. I SWEAR, I HAVE HEARD THAT MOST OF MY LIFE.......IT GETS OLD. I DO HAVE FEELINGS, TOO. WELL, I'LL DROP ANOTHER LINE IN A FEW DAYS. WON'T BE ABLE TO CALL BCBS AGAIN TILL MONDAY....BUMMER! EVERYONE HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, AND UNTIL NEXT TIME....KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS AND.................god bless!
02/25/03 And we are again! Still no answer from BCBS. Calling everyday and am getting nowhere. They are starting to get a little IRATE when I call. But, I don't understand why it has to take at least 30 days. Especally if they deny me again....that will really aggravate me, since it took so long. I am getting a little more discouraged as the days go by. It is really hard to stay focused on the positive, when nothing is going the way you want it to. But then again, I should be use to that...STORY OF MY LIFE! Poor pity me......yes, I occasionally have a pity party for myself, anyone want to join? HA HA HA! I feel like I am getting fatter as the days go by, and more uncomfortable in my own skin. Hopefully my pictures will be added to my profile shortly. I sent them in last week. She said she is like 15 days behind at getting them posted to the website. Of course I sent the best photos of myself that I could find, although they are still hideous. A camera is very mean, they say that "pictures tell the truth", I hope to God that is not true.......or I really am a cow.
I am thinking of going to talk to a psychologist to help me through all of this. The one I saw for my psych evaluation was really nice, but in Charlotte and like an hour+ away from my house. So, I guess I will try to find someone closer to home. This is all very trying and not easy to get through. I just hope the waiting is the hardest part, and hope that it is successful, if and when I actually go through it. I have read some of the stories in the WLS memorial and I have to admit that I am scared now, which I wasn't before. I guess I was stupid for not thinking that this is as traumatic as it really is. People actually die from complications from this surgery.....yes, I knew this, but never thought of it happening to me until now.....and it is scary.
Well, until my next entry, hope that everyone in my shoes is doing well, and for all you post-op's out there.....best of luck to you......hope to be on the other side sometime SOON,too! God Bless to all!!!!!!
03/01/03 JUST ANOTHER DAY....MONDAY WILL BE 20 DAYS SINCE I SENT MY APPEAL INTO BCBS, AND STILL NO ANSWER. THEY SAY IT IS TAKING AT LEAST 30 DAYS....THIS IS THE HARDEST PART. I THINK IF I MAKE IT THROUGH THE WAITING FOR THE APPROVAL THAT I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THE SURGERY AND RECOVERY EASILY. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO AFRAID OF BEING DENIED IN MY LIFE. I AM SO UNCOMFORTABLE, IN MY OWN SKIN....IF THAT MAKES ANY SENSE. I FEEL LIKE I AM SUFFOCATING AT TIMES, AND IT GETS ME VERY ANXIOUS. I DON'T LIKE FEELING THAT WAY. I AM SNIPPY AND IRRITABLE ALL THE TIME...AND CANNOT GET ENOUGH SLEEP. I SWEAR IF SOMEONE WOULD LET ME SLEEP FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT, I BET I WOULD NOT WAKE UP, NOT EVEN ONCE. IF I DIDN'T HAVE CHILDREN TO TAKE CARE OF, I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN GET OUT OF BED EVERYDAY. THAT DEPRESSES ME TO THINK THAT I AM NOT WORTHY ENOUGH TO GET OUT OF BED AND FACE THE DAY. I HAVE NOT TALKED ABOUT MY FEELINGS TO TOO MANY PEOPLE, AFRAID THAT THEY CANNOT RELATE AND WILL NOT UNDERSTAND. IT HELPS ME TREMENDEOUSLY TO BE ABLE TO TURN TO THE PEOPLE OF OBESITYHELP.COM, EVEN IF NO ONE RESPONDS, I STILL HAVE MY OWN LITTLE "JOURNAL" THING GOIN' ON. IT HELPS ME TO WRITE MY FEELINGS DOWN AND TO BE ABLE TO RE-READ THEM FROM TIME TO TIME. WELL, I WILL CALL BCBS AGAIN, ON MONDAY AND SEE IF THERE HAS BEEN A DECISION.....I AM STILL HOPING THAT SOME ONE CAN GIVE ME SOME LEGAL INFO AND WHERE I WILL HAVE TO GO FROM HERE, IF THE DENY ME, AGAIN. WHICH I REALLY HOPE THEY HAVE AN HEART AND DON'T, BUT WITH INSURANCE COMPANYS, YOU NEVER KNOW. WELL, UNTIL NEXT TIME, GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND BEST OF LUCK TTHOSE WITH UPCOMING SURGERIES. HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ON THE LOSING SIDE SOON! TAKE CARE AND KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS.
03/04/03 Just called BCBS again, and still nothing. She told me that they should have a decision by March 13th, since that will be their 30 day time limit. That is still 9 days away. Seems like a lifetime.
I had to go out and buy jeans yesterday, because the ones that are in my closet are all too small. I had to buy a size 22. How humiliating. I was with my mother-in-law and she is a size 24, so, it was no big deal for her...but, I felt like a PIG. She does not seem to let her weight get her down, but I cannot think that way for some reason. I am sooooooo miserable, and I am sick of having these pity parties for myself.....Am I making myself crazy for nothing? I am scared to death that they will deny me again.....I know that I keep saying that in my entries in here, but you all have no idea......well, maybe you do.:)
I sent some e-mails to people in my area last night, some post-op and some hoping like me. I am hoping that they will write me back wiht some letters of encouragement....GOD knows, I need all that I can get at this point. I just need to know that I am not the only one suffering and that I am not the only one hurting inside. I really think that I need to go and talk to someone, for everyday that passes, I get more and more depressed about this whole thing. My poor husband is going to leave at some point. I snap at him and the kids all the time, and I shouldn't be doing that. It isn't fair to them, and it is not their fault. Well, I hope that all is well with everyone, and hope that everyone is happy and healthy......I am hoping to join you on the other side at some point. God Bless you all, and keep me in your prayers.
03/05/03 TALKED TO BCBS TODAY, AND BELIEVE THIS....THEY ACTUALLY CALLED ME. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? THE GUY THAT I SPOKE WITH (PAUL) WAS REALLY THE NICEST PERSON I HAVE EVER DEALT WITH AT AN INSURANCE COMPANY. HE TOLD ME THAT I NEEDED TO FIND SOME MORE DOCUMENTATION OF MY WEIGHT, PRIOR TO THE PHEN-PHEN THING...BECAUSE SOME OF MY WEIGHTS WERE BELOW A BMI OF 35 IN THE LAST 5 YEARS, AS A RESULT OF THE PHEN-PHEN. SO I LOOKED IN MY MEDICAL RECORDS FROM MY OLD OB/GYN IN FLORIDA, AND GUESS WHAT? I FOUND A RECORD FROM 1996 THAT DOCUMENTED MY WEIGHT AT 257....YEAH! WELL, NOT REALLY, BUT YOU KNOW FOR THE SURGERY YOU WILL HOPE FOR ANYTHING TO GET YOU APPROVED, WHETHER IT MEANS YOUR FAT, OR NOT. SO, I FAXED IT TO HIM AND THEN HE CALLED ME TO LET ME KNOW THAT HE RECEIVED IT, AND HE SAID THAT WAS EXACTLY WHAT HE NEEDED TO SEND MY RECORDS TO THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR IN THE MORNING. HE SAID THAT I SHOULD HAVE AN ANSWER IN THE NEXT COUPLE OF DAYS. MY WHOLE BODY WAS SHAKING, LIKE A LEAF ON A TREE. I CANNOT EXPLAIN THE EXCIEMENT/FEAR THAT WENT THROUGH MY BODY. IT IS COMPLETELY UNEXPLAINABLE. TALK ABOUT SCARED TO DEATH AND EXCITED AS HELL ALL IN THE SAME BREATH.
NOW I AM TOO SCARED TO GET EXCITED, THINKING THAT THE MEDICAL DIRECTOR WILL DENY IT AGAIN. HE DID SAY THAT A DIFFERENT MEDICAL DIRECTOR WILL REVIEW IT THIS TIME. THANK GOD. WHAT IF THEY DENY IT AGAIN? WHAT WILL I DO THEN? SCREAM, KICK AND THROW A COMPLETE AND TOTAL FIT, THAT IS WHAT I WILL DO......LOL!
I HOPE FOR THE BEST, AND HOPE THAT THEY WILL HAVE SOME FORM OF A HEART AND WILL SAY.......YOU ARE APPROVED! WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO HEAR THOSE WORDS.......WELL, UNTIL NEXT TIME.....GOD BLESS AND BEST WISHES TO ALL. P.S. KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS!
03/06/03 Well, today is my day to SHINE! OMG, I can finally say the words I have been longing to say for months.....I HAVE BEEN APPROVED!!!!!!!! Yes, folks, I received word today, from the wonderful PAUL SALMON at BCBS BLUE OPTIONS......my surgery has been approved! Reality has set in, and I am suddenly scared to death. I called the surgeons office to let them know, and they said that they have to receive the letter from BCBS and they will schedule the surgery. I am hoping for around the 1st of April, since I know you have to be on ENSURE for 3 weeks prior to the surgery and all. I called to schedule (reschedule) my EKG and ECHO for Monday at 3PM. And am awaiting a call back from Dr. Josephson's office to reschedule my Endoscopy. I had all this scheduled before, but when I was denied, I cancelled it all. So, now I have those two things left to do, and I am ready to cross the road to the other side of life. My REBIRTH into my new self. How exciting this is.....and I wondered what it would feel like to know that I am given this wonderful opportunity. I actually never thought I would know this feeling, I thought for sure that they would deny me again......THERE IS A GOD!!!!!!
Soon, I too will be on the losing side.........God Bless you all!!!!!!
03/09/03 WELL, I HAVE TO GO FOR MY ENDOSCOPY AT 1PM TOMORROW. IT WAS NOT SCHEDULED UNTIL MARCH 25TH, BUT THEY HAD A CANCELLATION...THANK GOODNESS. I REALLY DID NOT WANT TO WAIT THAT LONG, ANYWAY. SO, I WILL HAVE TO R/S MY EKG AND ECHO THAT WERE SCHEDULED FOR TOMORROW ALSO. HOPEFULLY, I WILL BE ABLE TO R/S THEM FOR LATER ON IN THE WEEK. AND THEN, I AM READY TO GO....AT LEAST I THINK I AM. I AM REALLY DREADING THAT ENDOSCOPY TOMORROW. I AM AFRAID THAT THE VERSED AND THE DEMEROL WILL NOT WORK AND THAT I WILL BE GAGGING AND KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON THE WHOLE TIME.....IT SCARES ME TO DEATH. I JUST HAVE TO LOOK AT IT AS I AM ONE STEP CLOSER TO MAKING IT TO MY SURGERY AND THINK OF BIKINI'S AND LAYIN' ON THE BEACH.......HAHAHAHA.
MY HUSBAND AND I WERE GOING THROUGH SEARS THE OTHER DAY AND HE POINTED OUT THIS RED TOP WITH SPAGHETTI STRAPS AND ALL THIS "SEXY" STUFF.....SO, I KNOW THAT HE IS EXCITED, TOO. HE JUST WANTS ME TO BE HAPPY WITH MYSELF. AND I THINK I WILL BE WITH TIME, AND HOPE THAT IN TURN IT WILL STRENGTHEN OUR RELATIONSHIP AS WELL. IT IS HARD WHEN YOU ARE INSECURE WITH YOURSELF, TO BE SECURE IN YOUR MARRIAGE. AND AFTER HAVING 2 BABIES IN 2 1/2 YEARS, I AM NOT TOO SECURE WITH MY BODY, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I AM SAYIN'.
HOPE THAT ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE, AND I WILL POST AGAIN SOON. UNTIL THEN...GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
03/10/03 Well, I had my endoscopy today, and it wasn't too bad, but it was not all that wonderful either. My throat is a little sore and I am very tired. Other than that, I survived. Once they get the results back from the biopsy in the next couple of days, we will be able to set a date. HOW EXCITING! When the Dr's office told me that, I almost wet my pants. LOL
I have met a really nice lady on this site, and her name is Amber. She is just starting her journey with the consult and all. I wish her the absolute BEST! She has the same surgeon as me, so she can't be all bad! LOL
Well, I will update again, when I get my date. Hope that all is well with everyone and best of luck to those awaiting approval. I hope to be on the LOSING side....soon! God Bless!
03/12/03 Went for my EKG/ECHO this afternoon, and the Dr said that all looks good. Just awaiting the results of the H-Pylori biopsy from my endoscopy. Hopefully we will have those tomorrow. If we get them, and they are negative, looks like the date will be April 14th. But, if they come back positive, I have to go on antibiotics for 2-3 weeks....YUCK! I hope my lucky streak keeps on going....or I am going to be VERY UPSET! Keep me in your prayers.
I am hoping for an angel soon....don't I sound needy? LOL Just want some more information besides "textbook", and would like to talk to a "human being", you know? So, if there are any of you folks out there looking for a "charity case".......look me up! :) Will post again as soon as I have an exact date.....until then, God Bless you all and talk to you soon!
03/13/03 JUST GOT THE WORD FROM BILLIE AT DR VOELLINGER'S OFFICE....SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR APRIL 14TH AT 11:00, BE THERE AT 9:00 FOR ALL THE FUN STUFF...LOL. I HAVE TO START MY BOOST HIGH PROTEIN DIET ON MARCH 31ST, AND I SEE DR VOELLINGER ON THE 9TH FOR MY PRE-OP WITH HIM. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO....I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING.
I TALKED TO A VERY NICE LADY TODAY. HER NAME IS KIM, AND SHE HELPED ANSWER ALOT OF MY "SILLY" QUESTIONS AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER ABOUT SOME THINGS. THANK YOU KIM, FOR E-MAILING ME AND FOR BEING THERE! IT IS REALLY NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO!
WELL, UNTIL I POST AGAIN....GOD BLESS TO ALL AND TAKE CARE....STILL LOOKING FOR AN ANGEL!!!!! :)
03/15/03 I am having a hard time the last couple of days, trying to figure out what I am going to have to pay out of pocket for my surgery. I knew this was going to be an issue, but tried not to think about it, until now, and I am FORCED to think about it, day in and day out. I called BCBS yesterday and she informed me that I have a $2500.00 deductable, of which none has been met and then I have a $2000.00 max co-insurance to meet before they will cover it at 100%. And the down side to all of this, is that the surgeons office has to be paid IN ADVANCE. Which means that I have to pay him his portion prior to the surgery being done. HOW???? How can they expect you to pay that amount of money up front?. My husband is the only one in the house working and we can barely make it. We have no savings and no other means of paying. We don't have the "cushion" of a credit card to fall back on, like others. I knew that once I got this far that I'd run SMACK into a brick wall. I guess I need to wait until Frances calls me on Monday to tell me what they said when she calls and gives them the CPT codes, for the fees and all. And then she will call me and let me know what my portion is. I can only hope that someone has some form of heart and will let me pay some now and some later.......PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE. I have not prayed so hard for anything, as to be fortunate enough to have this surgery and now the usual (money), is going to stop me from achieving my goal. AAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGG! THIS IS SOOOOOOO FRUSTRATING!
I only have 29 days until my surgery and should be happy as a clam (which in a way, I am), but it is hard to get too excited, when there is a possibility of not being able to have it done.
Well, now that I have whined enough, I suppose I will end this here, for now. Hope that all is well with everyone! Everyone keep your chin up, as I will try to do the same! GOD BLESS!
03/17/03 I am having a really hard time dealing with this whole money thing.....people keep telling me to have faith, but my faith is running out! My every thought is consumed with how I am going to get the money to pay for this surgery deductable. I called the surgeons office today, and they told me that I will have to come up with my deductable, plus 20%......someone just tell me how? I am human and I do not have a money tree in my back yard. I cannot sleep, and all I want to do is eat...I just cannot get my mind on anything else. I have called every bank, and every loan agency in town, and I am getting no where in a short time frame. My surgery is 28 days away, and I am going to have to cancel it, because they have to have their money up front. You try and try to get through all the insurance mumbo-jumbo and now that I have gotten this far, I get the door slammed right in my face. Just as I can see good health and more energy, just on the other side of it! Why me? I don't think I have ever been so depressed, but somehow, somway....I have to snap out of this. It isn't healthy....I just don't know how!
God, please give me strength!
03/18/03 Well, from what I understand, part of my endoscopy that was done in the hospital will go toward my deductable. It totals over 2500.00, but that is not the "allowed" amount, so, I am waiting until they get it all processed and then I hope I will know something, later today. Anything at all would be some form of relief.
I have met some really nice people on this web site, one in particular...AMBER! Thank you so much for all your pep talks and all the faith that you have and are passing off onto myself. I greatly appreciate all your thougthts, kind words, and of course, your prayers. It is so wonderful to have someone to talk to that knows the aggravation of this whole process. Amber, I hope you can get your appt moved up and I wish you the best of luck on your journey. (Thanks again, for all you do).
Hopefully I will hear back from the surgeons office regarding how much money I am going to have to come up with. I really do not want to know, but I'd rather know now than 5 days before my surgery date. That would not be a good thing. Well, I will post again when I know more. Until then.......GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
03/19/03 Well, I am now beginning to get a LITTLE excited about the surgery. I found out yesterday that most of my deductable will have been met by the endoscopy that I had done, last week. And that my 20% for the surgeon will be $392.22. Not too shabby! LOL I thought I was going to have to try to come up with $5000.00 or something, and there was no way that I would have been able to do that!
Last night I sat here (AGAIN), looking at the BEFORE AND AFTER photo, longing for the day that I can send in my AFTER photos. I am so excited about baseball games with my son, and soccer this fall. Eventually taking my daughter to dance classes, and knowing that people will not be judging me for my weight, but for the person that I really am. I am looking forward to the littlest things.....like being able to sit in an airplane seat (comfortably), sitting in a booth when we go out to dinner, being able to breathe in my pants, being able to walk down the street more than once and not feel like I am going to have a heart attack, running in the back yeard with my kids, or better yet, just to have the ENERGY to go outside and watch them play. I am really excited about shopping in the regular departments at the stores, too. Like going to Old Navy, which is where I get my kids clothes, and being able to wear something in there, other than their socks! LOL
Most of all I just want to be happy with ME!!!! ME is my first priority. My health and happiness are the mose important things (well, besides my beautiful kids and husband and family), but you know what I mean.
I hope that everyone is doing great and losing! God bless you all and thank you for reading my postings. I hope that they inspire or help others. Until next time......
03/21/03 Well, 23 days till my REBIRTH! I am getting more excited by the day, but my nerves are getting a work out, too. This will definately consume your life while you are WAITING! I found out that there is another lady that is having surgery on the same day as me, the same surgeon, the same hospital. Her surgery is at 7:30am and mine is at 11:00am. How neat is that? We are planning to keep in touch and possibly meet during our pre-op appts. They are scheduled for the same day, too. It will be nice to have someone else going through the same thing, at the same time as I.
I have an angel! Thank you Miss Amber! It is nice to know that someone will be looking out for me! It's nice to have someone to talk to. I feel like I have known you forever!
I am not looking forward to this liquid diet, beginning on the 31st. I guess my husaband and I are going to need to plan my "last supper" for next weekend, prior to starting the High Protein Liquid. How exciting! LOL As long as my liver is "shrunk" enough to do the surgery laproscopic, I will drink that stuff for a month. I have enough scars on my body, who wants any more than there has to be??
I am still going to have to come up with quite a bit of money. Looks like it is still going to be over 2000.00. Only 252.00 of my endoscopy went toward my deductable! DARN IT! So that will leave, 2249.00 + 392.22 for the surgeons 20%. And that is not including the hospital fee. Which for now, I am not going to worry about....they will have to take payments!
I am looking forward to crawling around on the floor with my boys and going to baseball games this summer! How exciting!
Thank you to all who have sent me e-mails and have asked ?'s and are keeping me in your prayers! I truely appreciate them all!
I will post again soon! God Bless to all! Pray for our troops! And for the families who have lost love ones over there yesterday!
03/24/03 Well, I have not posted for a few days, so, I thought that I would "update". I am just anxiously awaiting my surgery! It can't get here soon enough at this point! My husband took my "BEFORE" pictures, on Friday.....and whoooooo what a COW! LOL I never realized just how "wide" I am from the rear! Wow, that was a reality check! That helped me realize that I am definatly doing the right thing. My mom purchased her plane ticket this past weekend, and is ready to come up! She will be here 3 days prior to my surgery and will leave a week and a half after my surgery! So, that will help alot with my kids. My in-laws will probably take my 2 year old for a week or so, so that will give me more time! Goodness, I just hope that the Doc can do it laproscopic, it will be much easier on me! I bounce back from surgery very well, and am hoping that this time will be just the same! My 9 year old will be a big help woth the baby....who will be a year old on the 10th of April. She is such a SWEETHEART! I love my kids! I can hardly wait to have an "active" summer with them this year! HOW EXCITING!!!
I want to thank everyone for the comments on my surgery page and to thank you for all the thoughts and prayers....please continue to keep me in your prayers. I am thinking of writing letters to my kids and family, but, I think it would be really hard to write in the "past" tense about myself! Has anyone else done that prior to their surgery???
Just think......3 weeks from tonight, I will be walking the halls of Presbyterian Hospital in Charlotte, NC. WooooooooooHoooooooooo!!!!!
I love all of the people whom I have met on this site! I have never met such a supportive group of people in my life! Thank you all so much for your e-mails. I love them! Keep 'em comin'!
The scale was not very nice to me today! I think that is because I know that come Sunday, I am stuck on liquids for a VERY LONG TIME!!!! I will not even get to eat a piece of my daughters birthday cake! Which will be a LADYBUG...for my Bailee Bug! I could just eat her up, she is so sweet! She is my good luck charm!
Well, I suppose I have went on and on, long enough! I will post again soon! Pray for our troops, and for the families that have lost their loved ones over there! God Bless you all!
03/29/03 I had my "last supper" this evening.....well, actually tomorrow night will be my last meal, prior to starting my liquid diet, but, tonight we had PIZZA HUT EXTRA CHEESE HAND TOSSED PIZZA! YUM YUM YUM!!! I have not had Pizza Hut in forever and have been wanting it for over a week. Mmmm Mmmmm Good! So, Monday I begin the Boost High Protein 7 times a day! WoooHoooo! I can hardly wait! It is hard to believe that I only have 15 days left until my surgery! Seems so close, yet so far away! My stomach has been "tore up" and rumbling for the last two days. NERVES, I am sure!
I have posted many comments on other peoples surgery pages, so mamma angel should be proud! And I thank all that have posted to my surgery page, for your thoughts and prayers mean so much to me! We are all in similar situations, some have crossed the bridge to the other side and those like me are anxious to get there. It is nice to know that I can come to this web site and post what I am feeling, and know that maybe it will help someone else in the long run!
Only 15 more days until I join those of you on the losing side! Never thought I would hear myself say that I cannot wait to be a "LOSER". LOL I am so excited...and the excitement outweighs any fears that I have had in the past! I just hope that I am not overconfident and something goes wrong! I am praying everyday for an uneventful and speedy recovery!
My mom will be here on the 11th, and I am so excited that she will be here with me! My husband is supportive in his own little way, but you know how it is to have your "mommy" there??? She has been present for all of my childrens births.....well, except my second one, he came early and her plane landed at the exact time he was born, so by the time I got out of recovery, she was there! So, I guess that counts!
I wish my husband was more "supportive"! I feel that he changes the subject everytime I mention my surgery and doesn't want to talk about it at all. I think that is becasue he is scared of what "could" happen, and that is his way of dealing with it??? Who knows? He has never been one to share his feelings, although he has always called me "beautiful", even though I have gained 100 pounds since we have been together in the last 4 years! So, I know how much love he has for me, and I have never once doubted that love. I think in the long run, he will enjoy the results of this surgery, and I am not just refering to the "physical" results....but, more like the activity level, and my eagerness to do things together as a family. I tried explaining something to him the other night, and he looked at me like I was absolutely CRAZY! Whenever I have to go into a store, or to get gas, or whatever it may be.....I feel as if everyone is looking at me and staring at me because I am so fat! I get very "anxious" whenever I am faced with the public and having to deal with people, expecally other woman, cause I feel like they are "judging" me! I use to love to deal with "people" and the public, but the bigger I have gotten over the years, I have struggled with it! Maybe there are others that can relate to these feelings???
Well, I guess I have went on long enough....so, I will go for now, but will post more again soon. God Bless to all, especally our troops in Iraq and Kuwait! Everyone keep them in your prayers! P.S. I am almost a LOSER! YEEEAAAHHH! :)
04/02/03 Well, after today.....only 11 days left till my new life begins. I am getting kinda excited, yet the nerves are starting to set in, also. This is my third day on the "liquid diet"....not too bad now. The first day was really hard, and yesterday, I got weak and had about 7 mini pretzels....but, man, my head was killing me and I was really shakey. I hate feeling like that! It is 10:30am right now, and I have only had 1 can so far. I am drinking 6 cans a day, you can have 7, but I cannot get that many in. I guess my body is also getting adapted to NO FOOD! LOL
I go for my pre-op with the hospital and Dr Voellinger next Wednesday, the 9th......can hardly wait to be poked and stuck,etc. It is bad enough that I am a hard stick to begin with. The Dr's office called the other night and told me that I need to go get some iron pills, cause my last bloodwork, (done in January), showed that I am SLIGHTLY anemic.....I had just given blood 12 days before that. I am hoping that has something to do with it. Cause they checked my iron at the Blood Bank, and it was normal????? oh,well, I think it will be just fine!
Well, Just thought I would update,to keep my fingers busy.....easier than trying to fight the "urge" to put something in my mouth! At this point, I am about ready to EAT my STRAWBERRY-KIWI CAPSTICK! LOL Sick, arent I? :) I'll update soon! Till then, God Bless to you all and to our troops in Iraq! May they come home soon and SAFE!!!!
04/07/03 I don't think that I can be anymore excited than I am right now! The more days that pass the excitement is getting to be overwhelming! I know that the night before surgery I will be a NERVOUS WRECK....wonder if I have any Valium in the house! LOL
I have started gathering up my things that I am going to be taking to the hospital with me! Not much, but I am going to take a few things to do. I get bored easy and I know that I am going to be there for three or four days, so I have got to have something to read or do.
A lady that I have been communicating with, via e-mail, had her surgery today! She and I have the same surgeon. She pulled through just fine, and is doing well. I am hoping to go up and see her on Wednesday, when I go up there for my pre-op. She says that she is running a temp, Gosh, I hope that it is nothing! I am keeping her in my prayers! I am looking forward to talking to her to see how things went through the day! She said that she will tell me everything from the word "GO". So, I am excited about that! I am greatful that she thought enough about me to call me and let me know how she is doing! That was very thoughtful! Thank you, Jennifer and God Bless You!
Well, I will post again after my pre-op appt on Wednesday, whenI have more to talk about! Until then...lets keep Jennifer in our prayers, and Susan (who is searching for strength as she fights with her insurance company), and for all those out there as they travel along their journey! Bless you all!
04/09/03 Well, I have finally gotten through my last "hurdle"....I hope! I had my pre-op today and everything seemed to go just fine. The pre-op folks at the hospital were really nice and very compassionate. And from there, I went up to visit Miss Jennifer who had surgery on Monday.....she is doing absolutely WONDERFUL! I cannot believe how great she is doing. I am so happy that I was fortunate enough to get to meet her! What a great person she is. WAY TO GO JENNIFER!
Then I went to Dr Voellinger's office and met with him again. What a great guy he is....he impresses me more and more. Such a knowledgable creature he is. :0) I am really looking forward to my surgey. The only thing that really worried me was my blood pressure....it was 156/103. That is not a good thing, but, hey that is why I am having the surgery, right? Monday is just around the corner and I am more and more excited. I am sure that the nerves will eventually set in....YIKES! :)
Well, I will post again prior to surgery...until then keep me in your prayers and thank you for all the great e-mails and messages. I appreciate them all! God Bless to all!
04/10/03 Well, only 3 more days to wait! Seems so close, yet so far! I am getting so very excited. I don't think I have been this excited in a very long time! I am excited that I am going to be able to LIVE again! How exciting is that?
Thank you to all who have e-mailed me with positive thoughts and prayers. I really do appreciate them.
My mom arrives tomorrow night at 5pm. I am really looking forward to spending time with her before my surgery. She will be such a big help to me and my husband, while I am "layed up". She is very supportive with my decision to have this surgery, for which I am very grateful! Not many people know about me having the surgery. I just thought that the fewer people that knew, the less likely someone would try to talk me out of it! No one would have been able to, but I am sure they would have tried! I kinda feel like I am "betraying" people in my family....in a sense, but I am not wanting to WORRY anyone, for no reason.
I hope that everyone awaiting approval is approved and hope that all post-ops are doing well. Everyone just keep fighting and keep up the good work. God Bless to you all! Keep me in your prayers these next few days...I appreciate it! Until next time.......
04/11/03 Wow, I am almost there. Hard to believe that Monday is MY DAY! WOOOHOOOO! I am on a major "HIGH" right now....and I hope that I continue to feel like this. I don't want the nerves to set in on Monday morning, on the way to the hospital. Would hate to turn into a bawl bag just before heading into surgery (makes for bad circles under the eyes). LOL
I have had more e-mails and comments and would like to thank you all for all the kind words and all of your prayers. As I have said many times before, you can never have too many of those.
I am looking forward to meeting Tracy on Monday evening or Tuesday....guess that depends on how we both are feeling. She is having surgery at 730am and I am having mine at 1100am. Same Dr and same Hospital. So, we are hoping to be roomed next to one another so that we can "help" each other through this new beginning. How exciting! She seems to be a little nervous, but we will both do just fine.
I have made some really nice friends on this site and hope that they know how wonderful this really is. If I had the money, and if I ever come into some, I would love to donate to the site, for all the help and support that it has given me. Hope that everyone else thinks the same way.
Well, I am going to attempt to get some sleep...it gets harder and harder as it gets closer! God Bless to all and I hope that everyone is happy and healthy! Until next time......
04/12/03 Well, actually it is 4/13/03.....it is 1:05am and I am still awake. What a long day. My husband and I went to Party City to get all of the things for my daughters 1st birthday party, on Easter. And most of their Easter treats. He will still have to pick up a few more things on his way home from work one night this week. But, we had a good time. We were hurrying so that we could get back home at a decent time, but still managed to enjoy ourselves. We hardly ever get to go anywhere by ourselves. Only when my mom comes into town and there is someone here to watch the babies....otherwise, we just do things as a family.
Wow, I am 'rambling'......I must be getting nervous or something??? I know that at this time tomorrow night, I am hoping to be getting some form of sleep. I will have to leave the house by 7:15am to get to the hospital at 9:00. Since we live 45 minutes from Charlotte and it will be "rush hour", I thought we might need to leave a little early. I am planning on doing everything the night before....I'll just jump in and out of the shower that morning, and blow dry my hair. At least that way I will feel "clean". Since I can't wear any makeup or hairspray! How freightening! LOL God forbid you get to feel human before you get there. :)
I have talked to my friend Jennifer today, the one that had surgery this past Monday, and she sounds really good! She talked to me for a while today and made me feel better about why I am at such peace with everything.....I just know that everything will be fine, but hey, you just never know! I hope that I am feeling as good as her, following my surgery.
Well, I just needed to post my feelings and now I must go to bed, or at least try to get some sleep. For tomorrow night will be even worse. God Bless to all! Thank you for all your kind words and prayers! Until next time........
04/13/03 Well, here I sit at 1207am on the morning of my surgery, so actually it is 04/14/03. I thought that I would post one last time before I leave for the hospital. We will be leaving in 7 hours. I cannot believe that this day has finally arrived. I never thought this day would come. What a thrill! Today is my day to SHINE! Please keep me in your prayers and I will post when I can. Thank you all for your phone calls today....Susan, it meant so much to hear from you! Amber will post after she comes up to see me in the hospital after my sugery! So, be sure to read how GREAT that I am doing! I am hoping to be up and walking by the time she comes up! WOOO HOOOO
Good Luck to Misty on Tuesday, she will be having her surgery! I will be thinking of you, girl! God Bless to all and I will talk to you all soon! Until next time.......
04/18/03 Well, folks, I thought that I would let everyone know that I am home from the hospital. We think that I either have an infection under one of my incisions, or possible fluid build up, since my surgeon does not use drains. He gave me antibiotics for this, so, hopefulley all will be fine. That is the only "pain" that I am experiencing though. I have no pain anywhere except in that spot and it is kinda "tender". The surgery went very well. Took 1 hour and 50 minutes and I was in recovery for 2+ hours and then off to my room. I slept really good through that night, but the next morning was MISERY!!!!! They came and got me 1st thing for my "leak test" and let me tell you that shit is NASTY!!!! Tastes like stomach acid...GROSS! I was very nauseaus that morning and had been throwing up and dry heaving from the anesthetic. So, when they came and got me I was not feeling too hot! Gotta go......I'll finish this in a little bit...think I feel a BM coming on.....wooooohooooo. 1st one! LOL
Later on.....Well, needless to say, it was no BM, but I at least passed some gas....I know that may sound gross to some, but for those that have had the surgery......WHAT A RELIEF IT IS. LOL
I am getting concerned about the one incision that "appears" to have something going on....it is quite sore and is the only pain that I am having. All the other incisions are great. I have 6 "bulletholes", as my Dr calls them. He said that I was a texbook case and that all went great. I am so excited about this new journey of my life. Just hoping that this infection turns out to be nothing and that it will go away with the antibiotic and need no further "medical treatment". I am not looking forward to any other surgeries any time soon. I took a pain pill at 1230 this afternoon and just took another one at 945. That is a pretty good stretch.....but, I would not need them at all, if it weren't for that DARN infection.
I was really upset when I got home from the hospital yesterday and stepped on the scale.......HOLY CRAP, I gained 9 pound (of fluid). I thought oh my goodness, what is going on? But, I received soooooo much fluid in there, and I have pee pee'd out 7 pounds of that so far....so, eventaully I will make it to the losing side.
Overall, my experience was really good. Other than the day after....I did ask myself, in tears..."why have I done this to myself?" "I could have lived with being fat forever, over feeling like this". But, after the nausea subsided, I realized that my decision to have the surgery, is only for the best and that eventually I would feel just fine and everything would work out, and it is...SLOWLY!
I am really sick of BURPING! What is up with that? Everytime I take a drink of something, as soon as it hits my tummy...."BURP". CRAZY!!!! A friend of mine says that will eventually go away. Sure hope so.
Well, all, I am happy to be on the other side, and hope that all you "pre-ops" will get here, soon, too. Weird to hear myself say that I, Debbie Ashleman, am a POST-OP! WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO Yay, for me! God Bless you all. Thank you for all your sweet comments and posts to my surgery page. The 72 e-mails were nice to come home to. LOL Until next time........
04/21/03 Well, I am doing great, as far as healing! I feel great and don't even feel like I have had surgery......other than the burpin', and not being able to eat anything! My incisions look wonderful and I am very pleased with the surgeons work!:) The only thing that is concerning me is that I am not losing! I gained those rotten 9 pounds in the hospital and those are the only 9 pounds I have lost. I am now a week post-op and I have not really lost a pound. I am still the same weight that I was the morning of my surgery! I really am having a hard time understanding all this, and need all the support that I can get. So, if anyone is reading this and knows what the problem is........let me know. I go for my first post-op appt with Dr V on Wednesday and I feel like a failure! :( I would hate to go in there and not have lost anything. DARN IT!!!!
Well, Just wanted everyone to know how I am doing! And I hope that everyone had a blessed Easter! Take care to all, and I will post again, after my post-op appt on Wed. Until next time........
04/23/03 Well, I had my first Post-op appt today. I have lost 8 pounds in 10 days. I guess that is better that nothing, but I guess I was expecting more. I should be more realistic, I know. But, it is hard sometimes, to not get discouraged. We all know how that is.
I am getting use to my new "tummy". I am not uncomfortable anymore when I eat and drink. I think that I have got it figured out. I was drinking too soon after I had eaten.
I went for a walk tonight and it felt really good. I wlked about 3/4 of a mile. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah, for me.
I have no regrets at this point.....although, I do MOURN for food. What I would do for a Double Cheeseburger from McDonalds. WHOA! My mouth is salivating thinking about it! :) Someday, I will be able to eat REAL food again, just not as much! I long for that day. This pureed thing is getting OLD! I did have some chicken salad and 1/4 slice of cheese tonight...YUMMY! Real Food!
Well, I go back for my next appt on May 12th.....2 1/2 weeks away. Can't help but wonder what that scale will say! HMMMMM. I am excited about my NEW found life! It had just begun! Thank you to Dr V, Amber, Jennifer, and all my WLS friends.....you have all been so suppotive and I hope to one day, meet you all. God Bless to all. Until next time.....
04/28/03 I thought that I would post the latest....the scale said 238.....yay, for me! I still have not thrown up, or dumped! I am trying my best not to overeat or eat the wrong things! But, it is hard, much harder than I thought it would be! My mind is trying to control my new little tummy! And that makes it hard to realize that I am full. Your mind makes you think that you want more than you do, even though you really don't! If that makes any sence to anyone! I am having a hard time realizing that this surgery is really going to work. I guess when you have tried SOOOOO many different things to lose the weight, this seems like just one more that will fail! That may sound strange to some, but it's true! Well, all, I am doing great, and have tons of energy! Just need to get in more protein than I am. Other than that, life is great and will only continue to get better! I will post again soon! I am liking seeing this BMI go down everytime I post! LOL Best Wishes to all! Thank you all for everything! God Bless!
04/30/03 My husband and I did my measurements yesterday, since I forgot to do them prior to surgery! They are as follows:
Current Weight: 236 (Loss of 16 pounds)
Rt Upper Arm: 15 inches
Waist: 41 1/2 inches
Hips: 52 inches
Rt Thigh: 30 inches
Rt Calf: 17 1/2 inches
Chest: 37 1/2 inches
Neck: 14 1/2 inches
My thighs are as big as my waist SHOULD be.......Good Grief! LOL Soon, my waist will be there instead of where it is now!
Just wanted to add that in there! Hope that all is well with everyone and God Bless to you all!
05/01/03 Wow, I can hardly believe that it is May already! Well, I had a rough night, night before last.....Whoa, I ate some of a cheeseburger and it was sooooo good! Too good! I ate it too fast and had way too much of it! I had the hardest feeling in my tummy for over 4 hours, it felt like there was something STUCK! I came on-line and went into the chat room and asked everyone what I should do......they all suggested making myself VOMIT! And I really HATE to vomit! GROSS! I couldn't take the pain any longer, so off to the bathroom I went, and WOW did I feel soooo much better! Brushed my teeth and went straight to bed and slept like a rock! I will never do that again! Now, I think that I am scared to eat anything! I am Under eating I think! I am so afraid to feel like that again! It was complete MISERY! I will be much more careful that I was, that is for sure!
The scale said 234 this morning....so I am going down about a pound a day! I have noticed that the more protein I have, the more the scale moves! SO, I am trying more things with protein in it! I am walking about a mile everyday and hope to increase that to more, once this spring rain slows down! Have to get my walk in, in between rain drops! LOL I am hoping to get as close to 200 as I can, by the middle of June! I am going to Florida to visit family for a couple of weeks in June and would like to be able to fit into my size 16 bathing suit and go swimming! It still has the tags on it! LOL I got it last summer when I was on weight watchers and had hoped that by this summer it would fit! Still hoping that!
Well, all, I am going to go jump through the shower, and get dressed! Hope that everyone is doing well, and God Bless to all!
05/05/03 OMG, this is not an easy thing to go through! Had another problem with food the other night! Mozz Cheese. I think it got STUCK! And boy o boy, that was positively GROSS! I threw up more than I thought my little tummy could hold! It had to be the grossest thing, yet! My mouth feels and tastes like the bottom of a dirt hole! Hope that goes away! I feel like I can never get enough to drink! I love my water and Crystal Light! I could drink it 24 hours a day! So, I don't think that I am having a problem getting in my water! I am starting to wear down really quick now, though! The first 2 weeks I felt a BURST of energy, but now I am starting to get really tired earlier in the day and kinda weak. That is when I try to push in more water! I really need to get in more protein, for I have not found a shake mix that I like. They are all pretty gross! But, I know that I am going to have to find something, before my hair starts falling out! LOL
Well, this morning the scale said 230.....wooooohoooo! That is 22 pounds in 3 weeks! Amazing....and that is a good thing, considering the way I am draggin' butt! LOL
Well, I will post again, soon! I go to the Nutritionist on Friday and back to Dr Voellinger on Monday the 12th! Looking forward to the B-12 for some energy!
God Bless to all! Take Care!
05/07/03 Today was another ROUGH day! I went to a support group meeting last night, and thought that I was doing great, until this morning. I had some egg salad. Diced up real good and only a little mayonaise on it, just enough to wet it. I must have eaten it too fast. It felt like it was STUCK and finally 3 hours later, I brought it back up! What the heck is going on??? You would think that I would be able to eat it, it is protein, but I guess not! I had it once when I first came home, and it was fine! Who knows?? So, this evening I went back to mashed potatoes and chicken noodle soup! And it went down just fine!
The scale has not moved in 3 days, but I am getting ready to start my period, could that have something to do with it??? I hope so. I would find it hard to believe that I have hit a plateau at 3 weeks! That would be depressing!
A friend of mine has found out after puking for weeks that she has stenosis and they are going to have to go in and dialate the opening into her intestines, from her new tummy! Bless her heart! At least she knows what it is now, and they can fix it without surgery! They are going to do an endoscopy and inflate a balloon in the opening! I am thinking of you, Jennifer! Everything will be just fine! Take care of yourself and let yourself heal, girl! And remember that we are the "Body By Voellinger" goddesses! LOL
Well, I am going to get off here and get some sleep. Energy level is going down hill....looking forward to that B-12 on Monday! I will post more later! God Bless to all!
05/15/03 Well, I must say that it has been one MISERABLE week. I ended up in the ER on Sunday night! Happy Mother's Day to me! LOL I had eaten 2 bites of scrambled eggs and a small bite of toast and it ended up getting STUCK....I threw up the rest of the day and was severely dehydrated......so, off to the hospital I went! Needless to say, they admitted me and we found out that I had developed "stenosis" in the opening of my intestines, where they were re-connected to my new tummy! That is where scar tissue forms and the opening narrows and things cannot pass through! The eggs finally went down at 1200 midnight....too late! I had to have potassium pumped into me, and for those who have never had to have potassium, via IV....it BURNS!!!!! Really Bad!I was severely dehydrated and I gained 6 pounds from all the fluid they pumped into me......today was the first day I have eaten FOOD since Sunday! And it went fine!
They had to do another Endoscopy and had to "dialate" the opening to my intestines........OUCH! They gave me 7.5MG of Versed and Demerol and I still remember everything! The balloon popped when they inflated it...I heard it and I felt it! It felt like I was having a heart attack! My heart rate went up to 160 and they had to do a STAT EKG and labs......I was really freaked out! They had stuck me so many times, that there was no where left to stick me! They have already told me that I will have to have a Central Line inserted into my neck, if I have to go in again! Needless to say the EKG and labs were fine and they thought that something tore when the balloon popped, but all turned out fine! I am OK for now, but most likely I will have to have it done again, in time! God, I sure hope not!
For those who are reading this, it is just a MINOR setback, and all will be fine! We all know that there are risks and side effects involved in all that we do! This is no exception! :)
I am more worried about my friend, Jennifer....whom I have gotten to be very close to! She has had some of the same problems as me, and then some! And tonight, her hubby called to say that they are back in the ER! God Bless you, Jen! I am thinking of you and praying for you! We WILL make it through this! I love you and hope that you are doing ok.....And to Julie, my new friend in Indiana......you go girl! Glad to hear that your surgery went well and that you are doing good! I need to know how you got to go home the NEXT day....wow, that would scare me to death! Good for you, you are a LOSER now! Yay, Julie! :) And for the couple who e-mailed me and wanted to know how I was doing cause they have not seen a recent post on my profile! It makes me feel so good to know that people actually read this........I hope that it inspires people! I hope I am not scaring anyone with my MINOR complication....it will be fine! Thank you to you all for your thoughts and prayers, and just for being YOU! I love you all! I will post agin soon! God Bless to you all!
05/24/03 Well, I am still here and doing well. The scale said 223 this morning....yay for me! :) I am thrilled with the weight loss, just having a hard time dealing with the "head hunger" thing! Wow, it is tough! Like I said once before......it is way different when your tummy controls your head instead of your head controling your tummy! I "want" things, but not really! Just want them cause I can't have them!
I am keeping things down and have not thrown up since the stenosis was present! Went to the Dr on Wednesday and he said that all is good and that I need to watch for the symptoms of the stenosis returning....just incase! He said that it is an average of twice that they normally have to dialate the opening...so, I am sure that I will have to have it done again! But, I am going to catch it, before I get dehydrated! I am not going through all that again! And he did let me know that they would dose me up REAL GOOD or put me completely under if they have to do it again! I am no WHIMP when it comes to pain, but that is NO FUN! But, for the moment I have felt better than I have ever felt!
We took my oldest son out to dinner, for pizza, tonight, since he had a good report card and I was able to eat some pizza for the first time! It tasted good, but not as good as I thought it would, and not as good as it use to! Guess that is a good thing! Only ate about 5-6 SMALL bites and took it slow! My eyes were staring at that whole pizza thinking that I use to be able to eat 5-6 pieces at a time, and now only 5-6 bites! It amazed me, but I still "wanted" more......at least my mind did! As I said, it is not EASY! But, I am making it one day at a time, and I am going to come out on top and I will succeed!
I am going to Indiana for my cousins Graduation next weekend and I am looking forward to that! Even though I have nothing to wear! Everything in my closet is too big, or is still too small for me to fit into! Darn it~May try some consignment shops and see what they may have! Don't want to spend alot of money on slothes that will just wind up being too big! I love the sound of that! O yeah, I am 30 pounds lighter that my husband.....woooohoooo! I have not weighed less than him in years! I am excited about that! :)
Well, I am hoping that all is well with everyone and hope that all you post-ops are doing great! And all your pre-ops.....good times are coming for you too! Thank you again to my buddy's in CA that are keeping up with my profile! You guys are great and thanks for thinking of me! :) And my friend and Angel, Amber submitted her paperwork to the insurance company on Thursday! Please say a prayer for her! Amber, you will be on the losing side soon! :) And I am here for you, as your angel and your friend! Good night to all, and I will post again soon! God Bless!
05/29/03 We are getting ready to hit the road to go to my cousins gaduation in Indiana....hope nothing goes wrong, cause I will be in a little bitty town. I am thinking that my "stoma" may be closing up a little, either that or I am just paranoid. If it closes up while I am there, I will just go on a liquid diet while I am away and see the doc when I return. I threw up hamburger again the other day and it really scared me. I am just beginning to think that I am not going to tolerate hamburger anymore, and I hate that! :(
Well, the scale said 219 this morning! I guess when I look back, I am averaging a pound a day...or close to it! Some days the scale does not move, but others it will move 2 pounds....CRAZY! That makes 42 pounds since I have been home from the hospital! I measured again yesterday and my waist is now 36 and my hips are 46 and my chest is 35......yeah for me! LOL My clothes are either too big or still a little too snug! FRUSTRATION! My size 20's are huge and I really do not have any 18's. I am going to go to a consignment shop or two and see if they may have some! I hate to go out and spend money on jeans that I will wear for a week or so! I went to Belk's yesterday and got real BRAVE and went into the "regular" section and tried on a XL skirt and top and it FIT! YAY! It was not my style, but I just wanted to see if I was there yet, and I am! :)
I did find the sales lady really RUDE! These two women walked into the WOMENS PLUS section and the sales lady said to them..."unless you two are looking for a gift for someone, you won't find anything small enough to fit you over here", and I thought that was really rude to those of us that were shopping in that area! People like that should really think before they speak! o'well!
I need to get off here and get ready, before my husband gets home and is ready to leave! Since we are driving and it is a 9 hour drive! YUCK! Best wishes to all and hope that you are all achieving your dreams! Love you Jen and hope that you are feeling better! I will call you when I come home! God Bless to you all!
06-03-03 What a long trip that was, to Indiana for my neices graduation! How GREAT it was to be there for her though! I still cannot believe that she is 18 and now heading off to Ball State! Makes me feel old!
Well, the "Head Hunger" is starting to subside and seems to be getting easier!! Thank GOD! If I want something, I have one bite and I get my "fill". I still avoid sugar like the plague! But, if I want anything else, I try it! Tonight I had about 4 bites of grilled chicken and a bite of pasta and a couple bites of mashed potatoes! YUMMY! For lunch I picked the turkey and chesse off of a SUB and ate some of it! YUMMY! I am trying new things, where before I was AFRAID! NO FEAR anymore! LOL
Got on the scale after being gone for 4 days and lost 4 pounds........215......yeeeeehaaaaw! I am so excited now...I tried on a pair of 16 LEE JEANS that my best friend sent, cause they were too big for her! Imagine that! And they were snug, but I got them on and did not even have to lie down on the bed to zip them up! :):):):) How cool is that?? So, I am now down 46 pounds since coming home from the hospital!
Everyone needs to say CONGRATS to my ANGEL, Amber......her surgery was approved and we are waiting on a few last tests and a date! Yay, Amber.....you will be losing like me soon! And my friend Jennifer is at home now on artificial nutrition for a little while and then she will be snapping back into the real world! Everyone keep her in your prayers too, please! She is SOOOOOOOO GREAT! Love you, JEN!
Well, I am going to sign off for now......hope that everyone is doing great and I will post again real soon! God Bless to all!
06/06/03 That scale and I are going to start fighting here in a few days, if it does not move! It has not moved since Monday and has even jumped up and down a couple pounds. Someone please tell me that it will do that the week before my period???? This is really discouraging when you are only 7 1/2 weeks out! You would not think that I would reach a plateau yet! Maybe I am wrong, and if someone reads this and can give me some encouraging words.....they would be greatly appeciated!
I am feeling better, mentally, more and more with every day that passes! I am leaving for Florida on Monday for 10 days....just me and my 3 kids! Yes, I am completely INSANE! My hubby is staying home and working, and I am going down there to visit and get some great SUN! For tan fat is better than white fat.....that is my best friend and I's favorite saying! She has not seen me since X-mas and I am hoping that she will be really excited for me! I am sure she will be! We have both always struggled, and knows how it is! I am really looking forward to seeing her! But mostly I am looking forward to spending time by the pool! My grandfather and my best friend both have pools, so we will be living out there! I am going to actually wear a bathing suit, if you can believe that! I wore it the other day out in the back yard! It does not look the best quite yet, but it is definately a work in progress! I am really getting excited about going! I ordered some outfits through Chadwick's instead of Layne Bryant, a size 16.......they should arrive tomorrow in the mail! Keep your fingers crossed that they fit!
I have been looking through the Before and After photos and I am still amazed that one day, I will be posting photos of me on there! I will actually be one of those beautiful people that have reached their goal! It is so hard for my mind to comprehend that will actually happen to ME! I still have 65 pounds to go.......I know that does not seem like that much to some, but to me it seems like eternity! My goal is 150! I alomost hope that I will not go less than that, but I guess I will have to wait and see how it goes! I have not weighed that little since 9the grade when I got Mono and was deathly sick! I got down to 135 pounds and I looked really SICK!
I am noticing the skin hanging on my arms and it is really grossing me out! That has always been a problem area for me, and now that I am losing, it is really bad. Also noticing skin on the inside of my upper thigh! It is reallt GROSS! The skin on my tummy is not as bad as I thought it would be, but bad enough, just from my c-sections. My incisions look really good. The more weight I lose, the smaller they get! And right now, I have been going to the tanning bed, and you can hardly see them! Good work, Dr V!
Well, I am off to bed, but will post again soon, but not until that dog gone scale budges! LOL Best wishes to all! Nite Nite!
06/21/03 Well I am finally posting again! Sorry it took me so long to get back, but this summer has been incredibly busy. The scale finally moved, if you can believe that! It now says 209....that is 52 pounds. I guess that is ok, but thought that after 10 weeks, it would be more. I know that I should be thankful, but I wish it were more. I just keep telling myself that I did not gain it all overnight, and it will take more than 10 weeks to lose it all.
I did manage to get into my size 16 jean shorts that I wore prior to my 2nd child being born. That was exciting to me. My mom took some photos of me, while I was in FL. Some front and side shots, so when I get them developed, tomorrow, I will send them to the site to be posted to my profile! So, be watching for them. It is hard for me to see how much I have lost, until I see a photo of me before and then it is so very obvious. It is starting to make me feel good about myself. I am working on a killer tan for the summer and our family is going to Myrtle Beach over the 4th of July weekend, and I am wanting to get under 200 pounds by then. I have over a week and a half until we leave, so say a prayer! :) I got my nails done today and got a french manicure on my little toes! That made me feel really good about myself! My husband and I went to a wedding tonight and had a good time! I was nervous about eating at the buffet dinner that they had, but it went rather well. I was surprised that I was able to eat as much as I did! I had a piece of tender chicken the size of a quarter, 4 bites of pasta (ziti), 3-4 pieces of cheese the size of a quarter, 1 bite of tender beef, and 3 bites of garlic bread! Now, I ate it over a period of time, like an hour, but I was amazed that I did not feel stuffed up to my neck, but I guess I was a good girl and chewed it real well. Yeah for me! LOL For lunch, I went to Taco Bell and ordered a Chicken Soft Taco and an order of Nachos....and out of that, I had 3 bites of the taco, which consisted of chicken and cheese only, and 4 chips with nacho cheese. I ate it while I was getting ready for the wedding, which was over a period of time (about an hour). So, I am finding that the longer it takes me to eat something, the better off I am in the long run. Otherwise, it hurts!
I wore a pair of cute capri pants and a lacy white shirt, with the cutest new shoes....stylish! LOL I was excited that the people that had not seen me in a year noticed that I had lost weight! That is the funnest part!
I am noticing that I am not developing alot of excess skin. No more than I had to begin with! My legs are still very large, but that has always been my "trouble" area. My tummy skin is getting better and better! I am hoping to get to the YMCA and join, tomorrow, and then begin to work out and things will only get better from there. I am into eating popcorn...it goes down easy and does not fill me up quick! Unfortunately, I like the Movie Theatre Butter! 13gm of fat in a serving! I think that is why I SHIT my brains out within 24 hours after eating it! Sorry, but that is what happens.........and it is not just one time, it is an all day thing that requires the TUCKS pads after you are done! LOL Just thought that I would give you all a good laugh! :)
My friend, Jennifer is doing much better and I talked to her today and she sounded great! She had surgery the week prior to me and has lost over 60 pounds! Way to go, Jennifer! I am going to go into Charlotte and meet her sometime this week! We are each others "support". I don't know what I would do if I didn't have her! Thank you Jennifer....I love you, hunny! :)
And my friend Amber got approved for her surgery! Way to go, Amber. She just has a few things left to do and she will have a date, probably around August!
Well, I am going to head off to bed.....but, I will post again, soon! Hope that everyone is healthy and happy! God Bless to you all!
06/25/03 My body has went into SHOCK! I started working out at the YMCA today, and it feels GREAT! I have been so frustrated cause that darn scale has not moved, but now that I am FOCUSED....I am hoping that it will start moving once again! I would think that it is too soon for me to be at a plateau, but who knows! I just know that I am having a hard time believing that my body is not shrinking, with the little that I am eating!
I am going to take new measurements tonight and will post them, so then I can really see what the working out has done for me! I think that I really need to increase my water intake too! I read Carnie Wilson's new book " I'm Still Hungry" and she says that you should be peeing once an hour and that you pee out FAT! Holy Cow, I didn't know that! So, I have increased my drinking a ton! So, we will see if that works! something better start working, or I may go NUTS! LOL
I tried on my size 14 GAP jeans the other night and I got them on! I had to lay on the bed to get them zipped up, but I got them on! Right? That is all that matters! I got on a pair of LIZ Claiborne capri pants that were a size 16, and those were my first GOAL pants! So, YAY for me! I am going to clean out my closet this weekend to make room for the SMALLER clothes that I got out of the attic last week! YIPPIE! I am on my way!
Well, I will post again soon! God Bless you all and Best wishes and paryers to all the pre-ops! Until next time......
FUTURE UPDATE
06/28/03 I took my measurements the other night and forgot to post them......wooooweeee, I have lost 26 inches. How exciting is that??? The darn scale still says 206, but I guess I will get there sooner or later.....just wish it were sooner instead of later! I am going to include my measurements in this post, so here goes:
NECK: WAS 14 1/2 NOW 12 1/2= 2 INCHES
CHEST: WAS 37 1/2 NOW 36= 1 1/2 INCHES
RT UPPER ARM: WAS 15 NOW 13= 2 INCHES
LT UPPER ARM: WAS 15 NOW 13= 2 INCHES
WAIST: WAS 41 1/2 NOW 35= 6 1/2 INCHES
HIPS: WAS 52 NOW 45 1/2= 6 1/2 INCHES
RT THIGH: WAS 30 NOW 27= 3 INCHES
LT THIGH: WAS 30 NOW 27= 3 INCHES
TOTAL INCHES LOST = 26 1/2 INCHES..........YIPPIE!!!!
I tried on the jeans that my best friend sent me last year, which I could not even get up to my knees then.....they are a size 14 Eddie Bauer, and they fit....SNUG, but I did not have to lie down on the bed to get them zipped, so that is a plus. I also put on my size 22 Capri pants that were my favorite, prior to surgery and they fell off. WOW, I am keeping that one pair of pants forever, just to remind myself of the person I use to be, and that I will never be again. It made me feel so good, and helped me realize just how good I am doing, regardless of what the scale says. My husband just about fell off the couch when I came out of the bedroom! I think he realized just how much I have really lost, when he saw me in those pants! He tells me everyday just how great I look and how great I am doing! He stays on me about eating protein! And that is good, I guess.
I went to the store this evening and bought some goodies. I bought a bag of salad, some dressing, shredded cheese, chicken strips, fish fillets without breading, and some with, watermelon (thought I would try it), green beans, pork n beans, and I did buy some onion bagels.....I thought I could make a half of a half and have some of it! I am dying for a bagel, darn it! I am going to make it in the morning and drewel while I am eating it! lol Salad tastes really good to me and I would not have tried it if it were not for Carnie Wilson's new book. I thought I would try things her way! And it seems to be working!
A friend of mine e-mailed me and asked how I manage to eat the way I do, and it is all moderation, cause if I eat too fast, that is it! I will throw up and I have not done that in a long time! I have finally realized my limitations and now I KNOW when to slow down, and when to STOP! The key to my SLOW eating, is to do things while I am eating, like clean up in the kitchen and then take a bite. Put some things in the dishwasher and have another bite. Get seconds for my husband and take another bite. I find that I can eat more that way, and it stays down and I am not hurting afterwards. If I sit the entire time with my family, I will eat too fast, out of habit and then I am in trouble! Usually, I will make a plate for my daughter, who is a year old and her and I will SHARE! I will take one bite to her every 5th bite, or so! It works better that way.
I am drinking alot of water and have started on Gatorade again! The Crystal Light is just too much for me....too sweet tasting! And it just makes me thirstier! I even had a few drinks of Diet Coke today and it seemed to go pretty well. I will not make it a habit, but it was a nice change. Still does not taste the same as it use to though! I HATE protein shakes and have not had any, or many! I am relying on my protein intake by what I am eating! I know that I am not getting all that I should, but I think I am holding my own!
My hair is starting to fall out! I have really thick hair, and most will not see it, but in the shower, WOW, a handful at a time! And my brush when I get done blowdrying my hair, HOLY COW....it is bad. Hopefully you will not be able to tell. I know if I took my vitamins the way I should, I would be better off, but what a pain! I will get better at that!
I go to the GYN on Monday, and am excited to see what the midwife has to say when she sees me. She is soooooo nice. She last saw me at about 270 pounds! It would be neat if the scale went below 200 pounds, after being over 200 for so long! I know that my scale here is about 6 pounds heavy, but it is the one I go by. So, maybe that one will say 199......I can only hope! I will probably cry! :) It is funny how you are obsessed with food for so long and AVOID the scale, and now the scale is my BEST friend! LOL I am sure that many feel this way!
I am hoping to go to a support group meeting next Tuesday! I get to see my Jennifer, who I haven't seen since she got out of the hopital this last time, bless her heart! And she seems to be doing great! I am really excited about seeing her. We compare notes, and it makes things easier on both of us! I love her to death! Love you, Jen!
Well, I suppose I better get off here and get to bed. I am going to work out in the morning. I gave my body a break this morning.....I thought it needed it! So, tomorrow, back to the gym I go! Only 5 more days till we leave for the beach, have to do all I can before then! LOL
Bless you all and thank you for reading about me! I hope that I can inspire some of those who have inspired me! Thank you all!
07/02/03 Thank you, Jen for that sweet message that you sent me. Wow, are you ever a HOTTIE! :) You look so great! You sould be proud. I am glad that I went to the support group meeting last night and would recommend them to anyone that has any involvement in this surgery! It helps to know that there are others that are going through the same things and feeling the same things that you are. Wow, does it ever help.
I am leaving for the beach tomorrow....hoping that my new bathing suit arrives today, and hope even more that it FITS! My size 16 is too big! So, I ordered a 14. We also get to pick up our new van tonight! Well, it is not NEW NEW, but it is to me! I am excited. It has a TV and VCR for my kids.....they will love it! We travel so much, I thought it was a necessity!
Well, I am going to sign off for now, just wnated to post a little something! I am down 58 pounds to 203.....I am longing to get under 200.....until then, I hope that all is well with everyone.....Take Care!
07/08/03 Well, we made it back from the beach, and it was really nice. I ended up buying a bathing suit while I was there. A high-waist two piece. I wore it pretty well. LOL Actually there were many that looked worse than I, so who really cares, right???
That dog gone scale and I are going to go at it before long....201.....cummon, only 2 more pounds till I get under 200 and that is all I am asking at this point! I guess I should be thankful for the 60 that are already gone, and will never return, but you always want MORE MORE MORE! Story of my life!
I am actually GLAD that I have had the surgery now. Before, I was not sure whether it was all worth it, but now I know that I have made the right decision. The beginning is just tough and it makes you second guess yourself. So, if you are reading this and you are pre-op, know that the beginning of your new life is no bowl of cherries. But, eventually when you and your new body get use to one another again, it is all worth it. :)
I am trying to look at it like this: I have lost 60 pounds and I would be happy to just lose 40 more. That would put me at 160 and that would be great. My goal is 150, but I will take 160 in a heartbeat. So, I have lost more than I have left to lose, so that is what keeps me going. I know that my losing rate is slower now, but I will get there, eventually. I am hoping to be 180 by Sept 14th....my 32nd birthday. I think that is reasonable.....21 pounds in 2 months is not too much to ask.....I HOPE!
Well, I hope that all is well with everyone and will post again soon. God Bless to you all and take care! Until next time.....
07/14/03 Well, Well, Well.......The scale has hit 198.....WOOOOOHOOOOO. Holy Cow, NEVER to see the 200 mark again! I hope! It still seems unreal to me! I actually tried on a pair of size 14 Tommy Hilfiger shorts this weekend and they were toooooo big around the waist! I was playing with the tape measure here a little bit ago and I have lost another inch in my waist and in my hips. The weight is slowing, but that is OK, I can accept it now and understand that my body is in a state of SHOCK! LOL
I have not been to the gym in a week. Since going to the beach and the kids being sick and all. But, tomorrow, I am heading back. I am going to get this body of mine in SHAPE! LOL
I am feeling bones in my body that I never knew were there! My hip bones actually sick out when I lay on my back.....but at the same time, my boobies disappear! LOL What is up with that? My collar bone, you can actually see it! Wow, how exciting is that?
My angel is having her Endoscopy in the morning, and this is her last step prior to the surgery being scheduled, so everyone say a prayer that all goes well and hopefully she will have her surgery date for around mid Sept!!!! good Luck, Amber!
Well, I will post again, soon! Hope that all is well with everyone! God Bless!
07/18/03 Well, I have lost 65 pounds. The scale said 196 this AM. Yippie! I'll have to write more later! Hope that all is well with everyone. Take Care and God Bless.
07/27/03 WELL, I AM NOW AT 193. HOLY COW, IT IS COMING OFF SLOW SLOW SLOW! BUT, I WILL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET! SAW MY SWEET DR VOELLINGER ON THURSDAY AND HE SAYS THAT I AM LOOKIN' GREAT! HE ALSO INFORMED ME THAT I AM NO LONGER AT RISK FOR ANY "OBESE" RELATED COMPLICATIONS, CAUSE MY BMI IS NOW 30. WOOOOOOHOOOOOO. HOW EXCITING IS THAT!
HAVE BEEN SOOOOOOO BUSY. HAD A HUGE GARAGE SALE THIS WEEKEND, AND WOW, AM I TIRED! WE DID MAKE 950.00 IN HALF A DAYS WORK. SO, THAT AIN'T TOO BAD. BUT, IT WAS EXHAUSTING! I COULD HARDLY WAIT TO SEE ALL THOSE "BIG" CLOTHES GO AWAY! I JUST WAVED AS PEOPLE BOUGHT THEM! LOL
I AM ACTIVELY LOOKING FOR A JOB AGAIN! I HAVE BEEN AT HOME FOR OVER A YEAR AND A HALF NOW, SO, I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING OUT AND WORKING AGAIN! ALTHOUGH I WILL MISS MY BABIES! I WILL HAVE TO GET A WHOLE NEW WORKING WORDROBE, FOR ALL MY SCRUBS THAT WERE HANGIN IN MY CLOSET WENT IN THE GARAGE SALE!
I AM ABLE TO GET INTO MY SIZE 12 GAP JEANS! THEY ARE TIGHT, BUT I CAN GET THEM ON! I AM HOPING TO TAKE SOME PHOTOS HERE SOON AND GET THEM ON HERE! WE WILL SEE IF THERE HAS BEEN ANY CHANGE!
WELL, TO ALL OF YOU.......I HOPE THAT YOU ARE ALL DOING WELL AND I WILL POST AGAIN SOON. JENNIFER, IF YOU READ THIS, WILL YOU CALL ME! LOVE YA, GIRL! GOD BLESS TO ALL!
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08/16/03 Well, Here we go again! I am now down to 184. That makes 77 pounds gone in 4 months! I am thrilled and hope that I can get off another 40 pounds! Then I will be at my goal. I am looking forward to 145 pounds. I have not been there since middle school. I am doing well. I am able to eat a variety of things and some things that I should stay away from, I tend to turn to every now and then, like POTATO CHIPS. Addicting little food, you know! I have not dumped or thrown up since May. So, I am hoping that the "stricture" thing is gone for good. I would think that if it were going to close again, that it would have done it by now! So, keep your fingers crossed for me!
Thank you to all who have e-mailed me! I started this Journal in hopes that it would help others to achieve the things that they want most in this world, beginning with their health! And it is nice to know that I am able to do that for those of you that are reading these "silly" postings! LOL
I hope that all is well with everyone and I will post again soon! Thanks again to you all.
09/15/03 Well, it has been a while since I have updated, so I will let you know that I am down to 175, that is a total of 86 pounds gone. And I am thrilled! I don't care if I lose another pound, I am smaller than I have been since about early high school, and I would be happy where I am. I do want to eventually have a tummy tuck done, but I wanted that prior to surgery! I have alot less skin than I thought, but still, it bothers me. Some things don't fit right! I am 5 months out now, and am pleased with my progress! I do not obsess with the scale any more! No point in that! A watched pot never boils!
Amber called me yesterday to wish me a Happy Birthday and she only has 5 more weeks till her surgery and I am so happy for her! She will do great! Love ya, Amber!
Well, I have to pick up my oldest from school, so I hope that all is well with everyone! Take Care and God Bless!
09/25/03 Well, I am still alive, but I'm sure that you could tell that with my recent photos posted. I am completely THRILLED with this surgery and the new life that has unfolded for me. I thank Dr Voellinger and all my friends and family that have supported me in this wonderful, yet "trying" adventure. I have not felt this good about myself in many years, so many that I cannot remember when it was!
I went to my GYN today, since my periods are all screwed up, due to my weight loss, and I thought my Dr was going to pass out! He is such a "hard nose" and was always on my ass about losing weight when I was pregnant the last time. He was amazed and told me that I look fabulous. I took that as a huge compliment coming from him. I weighed in at 169, which is a loss of 92 pounds. Hard to believe that it has only been a little over 5 months since my surgery! What a miracle.
I am eating more now, and know my limitations. It took a long time to know what I was able to eat and what was BAD! But, now that I know, life is much easier to deal with. If I want a bite of something, I take it and I feel satisfied, but I am loving fish right now. If I could have fish and a baked potato for every meal, it would be great. But, I guess that would be boring after so long. Got burnt out on Subway, so I turned to fish.
I have bones that I never knew I had. I have a collar bone and hip bones and a pubic bone......can you believe that? LOL It is amazing. I have some FLAB, but nothing like I thought it would be. Someday, I want a tummy tuck, but insurance will never pay, for it doesn't have a fold, or hang or anything major. So, it will have to come outta my pocket. So, someday it will happen, just not soon.
My angel, Amber is having her surgery on October 16th, so everyone wish her well and say a prayer. I will update her site accordingly. As she was there for me.
I am working at night at a convenience store, and loving it. My time outta the house and I love all the people! It is more like fun than work, you know? So, it is hard to find time to get on the computer these days. Don't think that I have deserted everyone, and have become a SNOB......no way! Everyone was there for me, and I will be here for you all, too! Any questions or comments, please e-mail me anytime.....just give me time to respond, OK?
Well, Just wanted to let wvwryone know that life is great and that all is well. Hope that everyone is doing good and that you are all healthy and happy. Until next time, God Bless and Best Wishes!
10/06/03 Well, I am stuck at 168, and have been for a week. But, I started my period, which I have not had in 3 months, too. So, I am sure that has something to do with it. I am happy where I am, but know that I would be better off if I can lose about 14 more pounds. 145 is my personal "goal". That way, if I gain back a few pounds, I will still be in good shape. Just wanted to let everyone know that I am doing well and am happier than I have been in a very long time. I ordered a pair of PJ's from Victorias Secret, and ordered a Large, and they are too BIG! Never thought I would order anything from that catalog, and it be too big.......oh, how times change!
Hope that all is well with everyone. I go back to see Dr V on the 20th, so we will see what he has to say! God Bless to all
10/14/03 Well, today is my 6 month anniversary and I am down to 166 pounds, which is a 95 pound loss! I am very happy with myself, other than the little bit of skin that is on my tummy and my SAGGY boobies, but when you go from a 40D to a 32B, that will happen, I guess. I am going to see Dr Voellinger on monday the 20th and hope that he will tell me to go ahead and see the PS. I know that I am only 6 months out, but I am in an 8/10 and only have about 15 pounds more to lose for my own personal goal, and for my body type, I only have 6 pounds more to lose. So, I am hoping that I can consult a PS SOON! I hope that Dr V is as pleased as I am about my weightloss.
I went to a consignment shop today and bought two new pair of jeans. One pair of Tommy Jeans and one pair of CK jeans and they are both a size 10, with the flare bottom. Never thought that I would wear something like that! I am so excited, but am still having a hard time seeing myself for who I am. I still tend to see the FAT me, and that is not me anymore. Got my hair cut last week. Short and a shag cut, kinda SASSY! goes with the new me, and I am really having fun with it! Have had alot of compliments on it, so that is always good.
Amber is having her surgery on Thursday morning, and I would appreciate everyone keep her in your prayers. Hoping that Dr V can do it LAP and not have to go to OPEN! I am going to update her page with her progress and will go up to see her on Saturday morning! So, I will post to let everyone know that she is OK!
Best wishes to Dr Brugman, who has consulted with Dr V and has found hope in him! Hope that all goes well with her and her journey! And God Bless you all for being here and reading my posts and being there to listen when we all need you! Thank you so very much! I am going to have some more pictures taken tonight, so I will post them soon! Pictures are the only way that I can tell the difference! Weird, huh? Post again soon! See ya.......
10/26/03 Today is my sons 3rd birthday! I weighed this AM and the scale said 162....that is a loss of 99 pounds.....I cannot believe that I have lost almost 100 pounds. I never thought 6 months ago that I could do that! Wow! Amazing. Dr Voellinger said that I am doing so great, that he will talk to me about a plastic surgeon in the next 6 months. He says that I am almost at my goal at this point, so I should not have to wait the whole 18 months. Yay, I am too excited. I want my tummy tuck and my boobies back.....lol. I have very little skin, compared to others and insurance will never pay for it, so I will have to come up with that on my own. Somehow and someway, I will.
Life is good and I am staying busy, but I still have the same "issues" with myself, as I did when I was FAT! So, this surgery did not help that! Guess I should have realized that I have to help myself! I am going to have to work on that one.
Amber made it through her surgery with flying colors, and is doing great! She is going back to work on Thurday, half day and Friday, half day and then will see how she feels. She has a tiny infection in her belly-button incision, but other than that, she feels good, and has lost over 14 pounds in less than 2 weeks. Go Amber! I knew you could do it!
Well, I am going to jump through the shower, I have painted my whole living room this weekeknd and my whole body hurts. Hope that everyone is doing well and God Bless!
11/17/03 I have hit the 100 pound mark. I have actually lost 106 pounds in less than 7 months. I am down to 155 pounds and am hoping that it will soon STOP! Never thought in a million years that I would hear myself say that, but I am getting too thin for me. Scary to think that it may not stop yet! The Dr says that it will probably take me 6 months to lose another 10-15 pounds. But, I am satisfied where I am. Some people say that 155 is not SKINNY, but it is for me. I still see myself FAT in the mirror, but when I see a picture, WOW, it freaks me out. My waist has went from 42 inches, to 28 inches. I have a little skin on my inner thighs and my upper arms. And a little on my tum tum, but nothing MAJOR. Would love to have my boobies done and a tummy tuck, but that is all just a matter of time, and money! Someday! I am happy with me, although I feel that I am having an identity crisis! I do not feel like me anymore. I feel like someone else has taken over my body, I don't know, it is weird!
Well, just thought that I would update so those who keep up with my story, know what is going on with me! God bless you all and thank you for reading bout my journey. until next time......
12/22/03 OMG, it is almost Christmas and a New Year is just around the corner. God Bless you all for your encouragement and for always being there for all of us. Without this site, I would have given up and lost my mind, or my life. But, as it stands now, I have lost 114 pounds in 8 months and I am doing great. Still hoping that the scale will stop moving. Although it is moving much slower now than it was, thank goodness. I now weigh 147 pounds and am in a size 4/6/8, depending on the brand. I am trying to realize that I can wear the "stylish" things now, and not all the "frumpy" things that I have worn for so many years. I love to shop at the consignment shops and they love to receive all my old "fat" clothes. I am enjoying life, although I still have that "identity crisis" thing going on. Sometimes it is really hard to realize that this is really me, and that this is MY BODY now. It is really strange and really hard to get a grip on. Pre-ops may find that "strange" to hear, but those that have lost this much can surely identify with what I am saying????? I hope so anyway!
Well, anyway, my friend Susan has gotten her date after battleing for soooooooo long with her husbands employer, and it is set for March 19th, I think. So, everyone, please keep her in your prayers. You go, Susan! I am proud of you for never giving up!
Well, I hope that everyone has a safe and happy holiday and I will update when something new and exciting happens in my life......Love you all and God Bless.
01/18/04 Wow, I made it to another one of my goals. I made the "before and after" page! I never thought that I would be one of THEM. I remember, sitting here night after night, looking at those pictures thinking that I will never be that successful and that I would fail at this surgery, just like all the other "diets" failed me. What a feeling it is to know that I finally achieved these goals of mine. I am still in "disbelief" that I am 145-150 pounds (depending on the day). It is hard to comprehend that I am where I have wanted to be for so many years!
I have received a few e-mails since my pictures have appeared on the "before and after", and they have said that I inspired them. How wonderful is that? I did this whole "profile" in hopes that someday, I would be able to help people, like others had helped me! I am now achieving that gaol too. I am feeling GREAT about that!
I am still having alot of trouble understanding that I do not weigh 260 pounds anymore. The mirror image still looks like 260 pounds, and not what I really am. Unless I walk by fast and glance at myself and then it startles me, and I cry. I am so thrilled with the progress that I have had, and know that I have Dr Voellinger to thank for all the wonderful things in my life. He gave me my life back, and I owe him big for that! If it were not for him, giving me the chance at life once again, I would never be here to see my kids grow old, and would probably never know my own grand kids, but now, God willing, I will be around a whole lot longer than I ever thought! Thanks Dr V!!!! i love you to pieces! You are the GREATEST!!!!!!
My "angel", Amber is now 3 months out and has lost 80 pounds........you go girl! I am so proud of you! You stand up proud, girl! You are on your way!
I have had the honor of meeting so many wonderful people on this site, and I would have never made it though all of this without you guys.....Thank you!
My other friend, Jennifer, who had her surgery the week prior to me, has just found out that she has breast cancer, so if anyone who reads this would please say a prayer for her, I would appreciate it! I love you, Jen! You are in my thoughts and prayers every single day!
Well, I suppose I have taken up enough space here! I hope that all is well with everyone, and God Bless you all! Anyone with any questions, please e-mail me. I love to get your mail! I love to know that I have touched someone elses life, the way you all have touched mine! Best Wishes and God Bless! Until next time........
01/23/04 Just thought that I would drop a line or two, to thank all of you for your wonderful e-mails and positive feedback now that I have hit the "before and after" page. Alot more people have read my LONG and CRAZY profile, and have alot of comments on my "writing".....thank you for reading about my journey. It has definately been a "wild ride". It just seems like yesterday that I started this new journey, but in all actuality, it started over a year ago, now. That is weird, how the time seemed to pass so slow in the beginning, but now it just flies by. Hope that will "inspire" those who think that they will never make it this far........you'll get there.....it's only just around the corner.
I cannot believe that I go back to see Dr Voellinger in less than 3 months, and that will be the day after my one year anniversary. Hard to comprehend that so much has happened, already. I can only hope that he will be proud of me, and my success. Thanks to him, I now have a whole new life, and can actually "live" in it, and not just let it pass me by.
I am really enjoying shopping in all the stores that I just "walked on by" for so many years....all the little "teeny bopper" stores...lol. I still cannot fit into alot of the low-riding jeans....who's idea was that anyway??? lol I have a tiny waist (29 inches, but I am curvy in the hips and thighs, so, they always gap in the back, around the waist....frustrating. But, I did find that Old Navy has a "just below the waist", stretch, boot-cut jean that fits really good....just like a glove! And they are a size 6. I bought two pair, cause I think that I am at a stand-still for a while.....and I hope for good. How weird that still sounds. I would ahve NEVER bought a pair of STRETCH jeans before in my life. I wanted those babies to hold everything in, and not just STRETCH around it......yuck. But, now I find that I am comfy as heck in them, and they look nice. They are form-fitting, but not confining, if that makes any sense. In other words, I can still BREATHE in them....lol.
The scale is still teeter-tottering between 145 and 150. Earlier in the week it was stuck on the upper end, but yesterday and today it said 145. So, I am beginning to think that it is going to start moving again.....yikes!
Well, thank you again to all of those that are reading my stories and giving me "feedback". It is nice to hear from you! And even those who may have some advice or critisism, please e-mail me also, I am open to hearing your thoughts as well.
Best wishes and God Bless you all! Until next time.........
01/25/04 Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! Good Grief, it has been sleeting and snowing here all day. Enough already. They have already called off school for tomorrow and doubt seriously that they will have school on Tuesday! O'well!
I went up to the hospital to see my Jennifer today, the one that I have spoke so much about, that just found out that she had breat cancer......she had a double mastectomy! Bless her heart, and she is doing great! They have already started the reconstruction and it is a process, but she is getting rid of all the excess skin and fat, and for FREE! LOL Just kidding, Jen, but you know what I mean. Her middle and her back is as tight as a drum right now! She is so TINY! Her little legs.....omg, she needs to gain some weight back.....is that not a weird thing to say??? Never thought I'd hear myself say that about someone who had weightloss surgery, but I am feeling the same way about me. Another pound fell off yesterday, and I am hoping that pizza I ate earlier, will put it back on....lol.
Everyone keep Jen in your prayers....to keep her spirits up and just to know that we care about her..love you, Jen.
Well, I just wanted to update on Jen and to tell everyone, "hello", and that I am wishing everyone well! God Bless you all, and until next time........
03/15/04 Wow, I have not updated my profile, in forever. I am so sorry for that.....I am being LAZY these days. I am finding that my weight is going to remain where it is, at least until I stop putting the WRONG things into my mouth. I am eating alot of things that I use to eat, and I know better. I am SCARED to death that I am going to gain back all the weight that I have lost.....and that is the scariest thing I have ever dealt with. I was told my my surgeons nurse, Pam, to get Dr Phils' book, beacause it deals alot with emotions, and emotional eating. And that is what I am doing, and eating out of boredom, also. I am looking for a job, and once I find one, I will be alot better off. I need to be doing something, or I am thinking about how good this will taste, or that. And I have discovered that I can eat a McDonalds cheeseburger, again, my favorite! Not all of it, but I can at least eat it again. I wish I would not be so brave and try these things, cause it is going to end up biting me in the ass. LOL I snack on 10 little M&M's at a time, throughout the day....BAD!!!!! I am fluctuating between 142 and 147. I am at my ideal weight, according to the charts, and that is great, but I would like to lose about 10 more pounds and MAINTAIN it. I am afraid of converting back to my old ways, and waiting for this too, to FAIL, like everything else has. It is horrifying to think about. If anyone reads this, and has experienced similar feelings, please, e-mail me with some advice. My surgeons nurse, Pam, says that she finds herslf snacking and has the same fears. I asked her if I can gain back all the weight, and she said that 5-10% of people will gain back 10-20 pounds, but that I will never gain it all back. I wonder if that is true??? Cause you hear of those that have gained all their weight back. I am just hoping that is the old way they did the surgery???? We can only hope.
I am going out with friends more, and have been going to a local Country Club......I have discovered a life that I did not know existed, and that is scary in itself.......I have never received so much attention in my life. It is really strange and sometimes very uncomfortable. But, I am having problems in my marriage and that attention feels good, when I am not getting it at home. My husband hardly ever says a word.....people ask me all the time, how does your husband react to your weightloss??? He DOESN'T!!!!! And that hurts me. I know that he said he loved me the way I was, but cummon, a little credit please. We have not had sex in almost 3 months, and I could care less. Has anyone else had a decrease in their sex drive??? It is awful, when we use to be like rabbits, you know?? LOL You would think that I would be more comfortable within myself and I would want to have more sex, but that is not the case at all. I honestly think that I am in desperate need of talking with a psychologist. I think these issues go deeper than I thought.
People were not kidding when they said that this is not a "cure all", and that it cannot fix everything. I thought that if I were just "skinny" that things would be perfect......WRONG! I need to get to bottom of why I got heavy to begin with, cause that is obviously still an issue.
Well, enough about that! I hope that everyone is doing well. Thank you to all that have e-mailed me about my "writing ability" and for the compliments! I appreciate each and every one of them. I will always write back, that is, if my husband does not get on here first and clear out all the darn mail, which he is good at! LOL
God Bless you all and thank you for reading about my journey....as it still continues....
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