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Let's see....I'm 34 years old and I've been overweight for almost that long. I am the yoyo dieting poster child. I've been at my wits end for the last two years because I'm the heaviest I've ever been (207 lbs, I'm 4'11" and my bmi is over 40.) My sister had gastric bypass surgery last September and so far she's lost over 80 pounds. I am now sure I'm going to have the surgury, and I am just beginning my journey. I am looking forward to meeting Dr. Meilahn at the end of June. Til then I will try and get some of the required testing done. I am feeling scared, happy, anxious, peaceful, and directed. I plan to document my experience as it progresses. I'm glad you're here to share it with me.
So much has happened in the last week I'm not sure where to begin. A friend of mine (used to be my best friend but we've drifted apart) asked me to be in her wedding after the groom's sister backed out. I'm hurt because I wasn't asked first, but I realize that family usually comes before friends. I'm embarrassed about the way that I look. She hasn't seen me in a while and I've gained a lot of weight. We met while we were both on Herbalife (nutritional weight loss products). I gained the weight back and she kept off the 30 lbs that she lost. I knew she was getting married this summer and I was seriously debating going to her wedding at all for two reasons. One, we're not as close as we used to be and we've barely spoken to each other over the last 2 years. Two, I know there will be a lot of healthy, skinny Herbalife people there who will be peering down their noses at me because I failed the diet. The pressure is overwhelming. Then when she asked me to be in her wedding last week I didn't know what to say so I just told her the truth. She understands my dilemma and insists she won't be upset if I turn down her offer. I just don't know what to do. I'll keep you posted on this.
Yesterday I had my visit to my PCP to get a referral for the surgery consult. This is the first time I've seen this doctor and I was really nervous. I was afraid he was going to tell me to go on another diet. But all that worrying was for nothing because he didn't even bat an eye when I told him what I wanted. He was actually very supportive. I was almost offended at how supportive he was. I kept thinking to myself, geez, am I THAT fat? lol He ordered my referrals for the gall bladder ultrasound and the upper GI. I can have the bloodwork done right there in his office, which I think is awesome since they are only around the corner from my house.
I spent the day cleaning yesterday and then last night my sister and I had a chiro appt. When she came in my house I was wondering who the blond woman was that was walking through my door. It was creepy, and then I realized it was Rachel! I couldn't believe it. I didn't even recognize my own sister and I see her practically every week. It was the strangest thing. She looks so good. I can't wait to start losing weight so that I can have that confidence. There are so many things I won't do in my life because of my weight and I'm looking forward to trying them all. I've decided to write a list of things I want to do in my life. I think it will be cool to check stuff off as I go along. I'll be sure to fill you in on the details as they progress.
I am nervous about the surgery. What if I die? What will my family do? Should I try dieting again? My surgeon has a 0% mortality rate which is great, but I'm still a bit afraid. I'm also concerned about pain. I'm a big baby and I hate needles. I'm a hard stick because my veins are nearly impossible to find. Why they always send an intern in to find my veins is beyond me. I end up looking like a human pin cushion. I'm also worried about missing food. I LOVE food. What will my life be like without my favorites. Can I live without carbs? Will I become depressed and angry and resenful. Will I regret the surgery? Will I learn to like Jello? lol I think I've rambled enough for today. I'll be back soon.
About a week and a half ago I had my gall bladder ultrasound and upper GI. I was up all night the night before because I was worried sick. I'd heard that the upper GI is really nasty and I was afraid I was going to throw up. I was also worried that they were going to find something in there that didn't belong there like a tumor or something. I'm one of those people who worries about everything and if there's nothing to worry about then I find something to worry about. I don't do it on purpose, it's just my nature. Bleary-eyed I sat thru registration and then had the ultrasound first. It was very uncomfortable. The woman had to push really hard to see things on the screen and wherever I had bones it hurt. It was temporary though so it wasn't too bad. The upper GI was next. I worked myself up for nothing. Yes the chalky stuff tasted gross, but I only had to drink it for about 30 seconds. The test was over in 10 minutes and I was relieved. As soon as I got home I had to go to the bathroom, which was an interesting experience. Not to be too graphic here, but it looked like I pooped milk. Yuck! I felt ok though so I ate a little salad but my stomach felt bloated and I just took a nap instead. It was heavenly. I felt a little ill for the next two days, nothing remarkable, just a little under the weather. My stomach took a few days to feel normal again, but it wasn't something too unbearable to live with.
Earlier this week I told my friend I wasn't going to be in her wedding. I feel a little guilty, but not as much as I thought I would. I'm so tired of being in last place. I'm hoping that this surgery and the weightloss will give me the confidence I need to stand up for myself. I don't want to be a wallflower or a doormat. I want to be a star.
Well I found out last week that as of July 1st my husband's company is switching to Aetna US Healthcare. What a bummer. I don't have 2 years of diet history with my Dr. Who actually goes on dr supervised diets anyway? I've never met anyone that said hey, I need to lose 10 pounds. I'm gonna call my doctor and have him approve weight watchers. What a bunch of crap! I don't think I've ever met one single fat person that hasn't dieted at least once in their lives. In case you didn't notice, I'm completely annoyed.
My consult is in 22 days. I can't wait. I'm hoping that some of my old medical records have my weight fluctuations recorded and that will help with proving the attempted diets. Wish me luck. Please!!!!
Oh I forgot to tell you, last week I broke my foot. I wasn't even doing anything exciting. I tripped on my hosee outside and sort of fell into a heap and my foot was under me. So of course my little foot couldn't take the pressure from my big butt and it fractured. I have to wear a Frankenstein boot for the next 6 weeks. But at least it's not a cast.
Lastly, I got the results from my gall bladder and upper GI. All is well. Although they did tell me I have some fatty deposits in my liver. I just figure the fat is running out of places to go. lol
Wow, it's been a while since I wrote. My husband's company did switch to Aetna HMO a few months ago. I decided not to have the RNY done at all. Instead I started researching the Adjustable Gastric Band (Lap-Band)instead. The lap band is much less invasive, and recovery time is much quicker. The weight loss is slower that bypass patients, but I've got plenty of time. I've been fat for 34 years, I can handle a few extra pounds for a few extra months. :)
Unfortunately Aetna doesn't cover the band so I'm paying cash. Don't get all freaked out when I tell you I'm going to Mexico for the surgery. I am just not willing to pay $20K-$40K in the US for the same exact surgery they perform in Mexico for less than $10K. I've heard wonderful things about Dr. Jamie Ponce de Leon. I am already scheduled for this coming Saturday. Yikes! I can't believe it's only 3 days away. I am really nervous, really anxious, and really happy. I've spent the last week saying goodbye to all of my favorite foods. That's been kind of sad, but on the upside, I've been toying with the visions of how I will look a year from now. Victoria better look at cause I'm damn sure gonna be stealing some of her secrets. lol
I think that's it for now. Next time I write it'll be from bandlandia. Til then...
Well I did it. We flew to San Diego on Friday and I was banded on Saturday. It was scary because I have a vivid imagination, but everything went smooth as silk. No problems at all. I was in more pain than I expected because I felt like I couldn't breathe fully. They told me it's because my esophogus is swollen and it will go down in a few days. I am feeling much better now and have been taking a lot of deep breaths to exercise the muscle. Right now I'm really uncomfortable because there is a bunch of gas in my belly and for some reason it won't come up. I feel it start to come up and then it slides back down. So far this is the most discomfort I've been in. I just took some Gas-X and I'm hoping it works fast. I'll write more later when I'm feeling better.