My Journey
7/19/05....I am just learning about WLS. I'm 30 years old, have Type 2 Diabetes, Sleep Apnea, Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome with infertility, and joint pain. I've battled with my weight for most of my life and am ready to to just start living my life!
7/20/05....well, went to my diabetic appointment today. The doctor said that he would not only refer me for gastric bypass but if I got denied he would fight it for me!!
He said that he only refers only 20-30% of his patients and that he is RARELY denied. YAY! He explained to me about how having diabetes and pcos will make any weightloss plan impossible without surgery. I cried when he said that! He also said that he would almost guarantee that I would be off of all my diabetic meds once I lost the weight too!!! This kinda feels surreal. I can't imagine being thin. Or even normal. My sister is 5'6" and is a size 2. She has always flaunted it too.
So, I called the WLS nurse for our HMO. She on vacation of course! But I gave her my info by Voice Mail and hopefully will be on the journey soon! OH!! AND, I asked my doc if I needed to provide 6 months of proof that a weightloss program failed because that was always a requirement for my insurance (I WORK for my HMO) to approve the surgery. He said that it is no longer a requirement and that I qualify with no question!!! I love doctors that care. Until next time.....
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July 21, 2005
A little frustrated. My PCP wants me to have my thyroid checked again. And I found out I am anemic today. SO, I made my endocrinology apt for my thyroid but they can't see me until August 17 and I now have a referral for an endoscopy. I suppose they will do these tests anyways if I'm going to have surgery. It's just frustrating to always have something new wrong. My HMO gives us online access for my medical records (sorta - not completely) and my list of "conditions" include: Diabetes II, Migraines, PCOS, Overweight, Sleep Apnea, Colon Polyp, Iron Definciency Anemia. Oddly they don't state my thyroid issue.
I guess it would be ideal to have the surgery next year. I already used all of my vacation and sick leave this year when we adopted my son (Holden). He came home in December and I took 12 weeks of family leave (FMLA). I probably should ease up on requesting time off!
I am curious how long it takes to gain approval from my HMO. My referral hasn't even been submitted yet because of the thyroid and endoscopy issues. Ugh. I know I should be patient. No matter when it happens, it will be forever. until next time......
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Same day!
Just got off the phone with Harriet - the WLS nurse for GHC. Looks like the wait for surgery is about a year! She said that the wait for approval is only a couple of weeks though. AND that I should have no problem getting approved with all of my health issues. BUT that GHC hasn't been paying for the surgery more and more. Ugh. That sucks! I hope my coverage next year doesn't exclude it. I work for my HMO (Group Health Cooperative) and would be sad if they took this benefit away. I guess I just wait and see!
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7/23/05
Head is spinning, heart is racing, tears are flowing. I read the Memorial page. Such a bad idea! I just had to know. HAD TO. I had to know how each person passed, their BMI, co-morbs, how long ago they had their surgery, if their death was surgery related...etc...My heart goes out to the families of those who have passed. Ugh. I pray that my name doesn't appear on that list for decades.
I have been ravaging thru the internet trying to find any and all types of risks and complications of WLS. Blood clots and leakage. How scary is that?! Boy do I now have a lot of questions to ask! I keep telling myself that this surgery is just as risky as having a hip replacement or a c-section. RIGHT? Or am I kidding my self? I so don't want to psych myself into this only to have missed a real sign that I shouldn't do this. Is it normal to be so obsessed with WLS and to question my own survival? Somebody hit me upside my head if I am not being normal!
It helps so much that my husband is 100% supportive. He wants to be sure that this is something I won't regret though too. And of course, he doesn't want to lose me. There is just so much "death talk" around this surgery. WHY? Is it because we are morbidly obese? I guess. My poor hubby. He just wants to know the facts and I think I am clogging up his brain with too much info at once. I am trying so hard not to scare him and I think I tend to make things worse. God help me to keep my sanity. LOL! Hubby just wants me to be happy and wants me to be doing this for me. Not for him, my son, my family - but ME. I have to improve my health. I just pray I don't make it worse!
I don't want to tell family and friends about the prospect of WLS. I just don't want my FAT to be the topic of everyone's conversation I guess. But it will all come out in due time....that's if I'm approved. Until next time.....
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7/27/05
I emailed Dr Rouse today asking if we can just start the process since the wait is soooo long. I told him that if it IS my thyroid, then we can cancel the approval for the surgery. :o/ BUT, he responded with telling me to inter office the paperwork to him! I hope he's not just going to drop the ball when he gets it. That would really piss me off. Oh well. At least I have tried. If I don't hear anything in the next month, I'm gonna get a hold of him and bug him to do it again.
Other than that, nothing new to report. I'm feeling alot better about my decision to have the surgery. I was scaring the shit out of myself about it but then I had to prove to myself that this surgery isn't any more risky for blood clots than say...a C-section. The leakage thing is a little scary but GHC checks for that before you leave the hospital.
Until next time since I have NOTHING worth talkin' about.....
Here we are....I just love that man. But you can tell I am not comfortable with myself.
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7/31/05
I realized after reading a couple of awesome profiles that I never really explained my own story. So, here goes.....
I have been obese mostly the past 10 years. I've been overweight since highschool. Family reminded me every day that I was either gaining weight or that I was fat. I met my amazing hubby when I was a normal 128lbs when we were 14 years old. I did cheerleading and kept my weight down before highschool. As time went on, I gained a little weight. I think I went up to 140 by the time we were in high school. I knew I was gaining weight but hoped no one else noticed.
I remember growing up, that all the skinny kids were encouraged to eat, have seconds, extra snacks, etc. Not exactly MY case. I ate my entire plate, people would comment. I would reach for a second helping and I got my hand slapped or a disappointing shake of the head by my mom. I resorted to sneaking food and eating in secrecy. I was so afraid I'd be caught and get in trouble for eating. I still find myself doing this today. I so want to be done with all of this!
By the time I was in highschool, my parents were forcing me to exercise. My parents bought me a car and unless I ran 2 miles a day, I had to make the payments on the car. I was forced to ride my bike with my dad, go to the gym, and even as early as seventh grade, I was put on the cabbage soup diet.
When I had my first homecoming dance, I couldn't find a dress that I liked so I opted to have one made. My mom told me that only fat-girls have their dresses made. SELF ESTEEM CRASH! Then she grabbed my (double) chin and said "what are we going to do about this?" I cried. Then the straw that broke the camels back was my senior year when my parents said that if I didn't do something about my weight, I'd lose John. (DH, was boyfriend at the time) That he'd find someone else because my weight was getting out of control. I was 140 lbs. I'd give anything to be that "BIG" now!
With those comments weighing heavy on my mind and my heart, I decided that bulemia was the answer. I mean hey, we just watched a show at school on how this girl (Calista Flockheart!!) barfed her way to a rail thin body and ended up in the hospital. I took it as "hey, that could help me shed the fat!". I told myself that I'd NEVER get as sickly thin as the girl in the movie so I'd be ok and not hurt myself. Well, I was right. I lost weight....I got down to 127. I didn't eat ANYTHING and if I did - like a strawberry or 12 kernels of popcorn, I'd purge them so they wouldn't turn into ugly fat. Then there were the times where I was so desperate to taste something good and I'd go as far as stealing candy from the drugstore and then go to the bathroom, gobble them up and then let them go. It was such a horrible thing I was doing to myself, but hey - I was not going to lose my man! According to my parent's words.
Well, the great man that he is, he caught on to what I was doing. One night while having dinner at his parents house I excused myself to go to the bathroom when I finished eating. He grabbed my hand, cried for the first time ever and begged me not to go. We were seniors in highschool. He was my hero even then. I tried to let go of his hand and escape to the bathroom but the look on his face broke my heart. He said that he loved me no matter what, that my family was a bunch of ass holes and that I was beautiful. I still don't believe when he says it but I did eventually stop the bulemia. It was hard. VERY hard, and took a while, but I stopped.
Now, when you put your body in a starvation mode like that and then decide "okay, you can keep the calories I just consumed" your body hoards those calories and fat in case there is a "next time" of starvation. Well, I started to pack on the pounds. BIG TIME. I think that by the time I got married two years later, I ballooned up to 170, then 200, then 220. I ruined my body. I destroyed any metabolism that I previously had. And I don't think I had much to start with! In the same day I was hit with 3 blows by my physician. I was obese, I have Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome, and I have Diabetes Type 2. YAY ME! What a prize I gave myself for self destructing my body. My parents didn't know about the bulemia and kept telling me that I needed to lose the weight.
I love my parents and family dearly but they hurt my heart every time they opened their mouths. I know that they were trying to "persuade" me into doing something about my weight....it just made me rebell.
After I got married to my hero and best friend at the age of 20, we wanted to have a family. We tried, and tried, and tried. We got pregnant a few times but could NEVER keep a pregnancy. I was told that I needed to lose weight and all my problems would disappear by my OB. Hmmm...lose some weight.....now why didn't I EVER think of that?! Biotch. Do people think that we ENJOY being overweight? Needless to say, I got a new OB. Went to an endocrinologist for my diabetes and PCOS and we did get pregnant again. But again, the baby only lives in my heart now. However, I have a beautiful son that is the light of my life thru adoption and am so glad that it was an option for us! He is my Korean angel (I'm half Korean) and the reason I want a longer, healthier life.
I'm tired. I have moderate sleep apnea. Anemia. Diabetes. PCOS. Joint pain. My life is so painful. I'm an "apple" shape they say, but I'm more like an upside down pear. I have a huge upper body and teenie, tiny hips and thighs. I can't raise my arms straight above me without suffocating myself with my double chin and fat roll on my neck. How sad is THAT?! My hips and knees are taking the brunt of all my weight and I am now constantly in pain.
Now, with all that being said - I'm fairly healthy! LOL! I have good blood pressure, low cholesterol, I have a growth in my thyroid but it's functioning normal, I have no ill health issues except my diabetes. BUT, I'm high risk for heart disease, colon cancer, uterine cancer, hypertension, etc.....thanks to my current health issues and family history.
Well, I will have to write more later....my little reason for living is fussing.....a mommies job is the toughest job you'll ever love!
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8/3/05
I called the "clinical review unit" at work today. They are the department that our bariatric surgery referrals go to for approval. (I work for my HMO) I don't think we are actually supposed to call them but I did. I told them that I wasn't sure how this whole referral thing went for WLS. I was told that my doctor needed to sign the referral checklist of co-morbidities and fax it to them. They said they didn't have that yet...then while the guy was giving me their fax number, he FOUND my paperwork!!! He said "oh wait! It's right here! I will input it into the system right now!" YAY! He said that I should have an answer by Friday, Monday at the latest!!! I asked him how my paperwork looked and if there was anything more I could do to "help" my case get approved. He said that it looked good to him but wanted to know if it's in my records that I spoke to my doc about losing weight. Well of course I did. How else did I get a referral? Anyhoo - he said that the nurses (i guess they are the ones that review and approve each case) will get my info tomorrow and since my HMO now has our medical file online, it should be REAL QUICK! I am praying that I am approved.
So, I am making a pact with myself. I have been told that GHC (my HMO) is quick to deny the first time around. I have decided that I will appeal ONCE. If I do not get approved, I will take it as a sign that this surgery is not meant to be. I don't want to appeal, and appeal and then finally get the surgery, have something go wrong and then wonder why God could let this happen. One appeal. Sign from God. That's it. Do I sound crazy? :-)
I will post again when I get my approval or denial. Until then......
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8/5/05 ****Here Ye! Here Ye!****
I'M APPROVED!!! Well, I'm only approved for the program but that's awesome! I am so happy, yet terrified. It sure didn't take long though because they just entered my info into the computer on Wednesday and now I am approved. WOW. I don't have to write an appeal!
Today is my 10th wedding anniversary. Now I have two things to celebrate tonight. I have to tell my mom....she will be so excited for me! Amazingly, she has been so supportive thru this. My brother too. Although he said that if I do this, he'll be the only fat-guy left in the family and that will suck! ha ha ha! I haven't told my sister yet. I don't know how she will react. I think I will still wait to tell her though. My dad too. They are a little different when it comes to weight. Anyhoo....I have a few people to tell. But not many! I will write later.....
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8/8/05 ***The Long Road Ahead***
I talked to Harriet today. She's the nurse for our bariatric surgery program. She said that I have to make an appointment to have a phone appointment with her to go over the program. She said that I still have about 10 months ahead of me before I can even get a date! The good news is that I don't have to re-do any of the tests that I've already done for other medical issues. Thank goodness...my copay is only $10 but it starts to add up especially with my prescriptions!
I've had so much question in my mind lately. On the main message board someone posted that another person passed away from complications with their surgery. WHAT COMPLICATION WAS IT?! That drives me nuts. If you are going to post that someone died as a result of their surgery, at least throw us pre-ops a bone as to what! My mind was racing and my head was filling with doubt. Is this surgery worth it? It scares the crap out of me. We just adopted our son from Korea....he doesn't need to lose another mommy. I guess I have LOTS of time to decide if this is what I really want. I just hope the long road ahead isn't full of potholes!!!
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8/17/05
I went to the endocrinologist today to humor my PCP. He wanted me to have my thyroid checked out one last time before persuing WLS. And yup, the endocrinologist thought that WLS was my best bet too. He didn't see anything wrong with my thyroid. Although, he did have me get some labs done just in case.....I'm still bleeding from an hour ago!! My arm kinda hurts. It's only strange because I am a human pincushion and usually have no problems when I have blood taken. Oh well.....I think it's stopping now.
My weight keeps going up. I think I am eating more now that WLS is on the horizon. I have to stop that. I'm getting fatter and more tired. I have tears running down my face from my eyes watering. I'm just so stinkin' tired! Anyhoo - that's my news. Nothing more to report.
Until next time....
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8/22/05
I want to finish up my "life story" from earlier (7/31). I don't want anyone to think I have a horrible family! :o)
Today my family is much different than when I was growing up. My mom is ENTIRELY supportive of me having this surgery. A couple of years ago when she went back home to Korea to visit her dad, he was giving her a bunch of grief because of her weight. It really bothered her that he made such a big deal about it....she's like 145lbs.....not okay for Korean standards! LOL
Anyway, the next year she and I went to Korea together and I think it was the best thing for our mother/daughter relationship. She confided in me about how her dad's comments made her feel bad. I recollected about all the things said to ME growing up and I think it hit her. She felt so horrible and we cried together. Ever since then she has NEVER mentioned ONE THING about my weight. I now feel like I can confide in my mom when it comes to weight issues. We are practically best friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. Although, I do still have self esteem and body image issues and have horrible habits from my childhood that carried over to my adult life. Hiding food is the worst. I don't hide food where I buy it and hope no one finds it - I eat in secrecy. Every time my husband turns his head I gobble something up so he doesn't see me and judge me....not that he EVER would. Just last night his cousin brought a chocolate cake over. I already had a piece but when John turned his head, I gobbled up another half of a piece. Then I threw the entire cake away so that he couldn't SEE that I ate that half-a-piece.
I also open the cookie jar so that NO ONE can hear me. God forbid anyone catch me with my hand in the cookie jar - literally! I hate myself for sneaking food. I'm just so hungry. This morning I ate a scrambled egg...two pieces of bacon...a small bran muffin....and some coffee and water. I was still hungry so I ate a nectarine. I was STILL hungry so I ate a Krave bar. It's alot like a snickers with half the fat. I am still hungry. I have food on my mind. WHY?? I hate that I always think of food. Ugh. I have a headache.
NOW, as for the rest of my family - they are okay. Not anything like the people I grew up with, but similar. My dad told me this weekend that I should start riding a bike because that's what HE does to keep his weight down. I said to him "Mom didn't tell you about the surgery?" and he said she did but that if I could get up and exercise, I wouldn't need the surgery. I would love to ride a bike. I have horrible knees and will make up every excuse in the book why I can't ride a bike. I hope that after surgery that I will one day be able to do the Seattle to Portland bike ride with my dad. He is an avid cyclist and does a gazillion miles a week on his bike. I think his next ride is Seattle to Spokane. It takes 6+ hours just to DRIVE there.
Anyway, my dad still tells me I should get my weight down so I can get rid of my co-morbidities. Of course he doesn't force me to do anything anymore, but I still feel that old rebellion come on when he says anything about excersize. I love my dad. He's a grouch and a hard-ass at times but I love him.
My sister is a little different than the rest of our family. She has always been rail thin and gorgeous. She's 5'5" or so and 110 lbs. She always talks about how much weight she's lost. She knows we hate to hear her talk about it all the time but she always responds with "WHAT?". Ugh. She got a boob job and now she's upset because anything that fits her boobs makes her look "fat". Poor frickin' thing. I would LOVE to have her problems! LOL
My brother is just my brother. He doesn't say anything to my face. We used to be best friends when we were younger. I miss him. He's now a tattoo artist and owns his own shop. He said that if he had the opportunity to have the surgery, he'd do it in a heartbeat. I don't know why it made me feel better that he approved of it. He's the youngest of us three kids. I'm the oldest.
I haven't told my sister about the surgery but I'm sure that someone in my family has. I don't know why I don't want to tell her. Maybe it's because she's never honest with me about what's going on with her? It's sad because I see her so often.
Well, that's my family. They ARE good people. Hard to grow up with but they are my foundation now.
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9/6/05
This will be short.....got some labs back the other day....they revealed that I am hypothyroid. I am being put on some thyroid meds now. I don't think it's enough because I've been reading up on "thyroid antibodies" and I tested positive for them. The endocrinologist said it indicates Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. He wasn't going to do anything about it but I suggested that maybe I should be treated since I feel like complete crap most of the time. My hair is falling out like crazy too. FRUSTRATING.
My skin has decided to make me look like I have leparsy. I have psoriasis. Good FREAKING GOODNESS! I do not wish this upon anyone! My skin is thick, cracked, peeling, and painful. The dermatologist put me on topical steriods and it's doing nothing. Matter of fact, I am breaking out in more places than ever before! My feet and hands are a complete mess. I am having a hard time walking. I can't wait to have this surgery as I'm sure that my weight has something to do with the cracking of the skin on my feet. Lord help me.
I got a call from the WLS nurse's assistant the other day. My phone appt was postponed until the 23rd. I am bummed.
9/19/05
I just got my profile spruced up! I like it. :) Thanks to Rene the OH Volunteer that made it all pretty!
9/22/05
Tomorrow is my phone conference call with the Bariatric Nurse. I kinda have butterflies about it. I am so anxious to get the ball rolling and to begin my journey. I'm tired of being a caterpillar, I'm ready to be a butterfly!
I had a doc appointment on Tuesday. My PCP noticed that I had high Liver Function Test numbers in 2000 and a comment about getting a CT scan. He asked if I ever got one - well, I am now! He also checked me for Hepatitis A, B, C, and gobs of other stuff. Eight viles of blood later and now I have an appt for a CT scan. I pray they don't find anything. I want life be be good. I feel like it's heading in that direction now. I talked the Endocrinologist into starting me on thyroid meds and I feel like they are starting to work. The dermatologist gave me a shot in the butt of cortisone for my skin. So far, skin is a little better. My feet haven't cracked in two days. Thank you God.
Here are some recent pictures of us in Cannon Beach, OR. Our family vacation spot.
My Boys
Holden
Me and the little bugger
My Favorite
Holden's Infamous Handsome Smile
9/23/05
I had my phone appointment with the Bariatric Surgery Case Manager today. Harriet was a really nice lady. She said that I am around 11 months out before my surgery date. Boo hoo. GHC just doesn't have enough docs - SKILLED DOCS - to do the surgery.
I am thankful that i don't have to do many of the tests as I have already done some due to my current health issues.
And speaking of health issues, this is just a never-ending, frustrating part of my life. I got some bloodwork back today and one thing came back abnormal. It said that an abnormal test can indicate an auto immune disease like systematic lupis. GREAT. It also mentioned Hashimoto's Thyroiditis. I pray that that's all it is. I don't need anything to stand in my way of surgery. Plus, my husband and I would like to start the adoption process again early 2006. If my health isn't in good shape, then they will never approve us for a baby. We want to try for a girl. Holden cannot be an only child! He is a spoiled brat as it is already! ha ha ha! No, he's a sweet kid, but I think it would be nice to have two. Maybe three if by God's will we get pregnant after surgery. Harriet said that they like us to wait a year to a year and a half before getting pregnant. I won't hold my breath that it will EVER happen.
Anyway, Harriet said that I will have to lose some weight before the surgery. I will have to pay for the nutritionist 2 months before surgery - $1400 I think - to start the pre-op weightloss program. That's OUT OF POCKET! OUCH! Thank God for tax returns and the Adoption Tax Credit! :)
That's all for now, I will write again when I get my packet in the mail from Harriet. It is a list of appointments and tests that I need to schedule. FUN! The ball is starting to roll.....on a very slight incline, but things are staring - YAY!
Sandy
10/4/05
Today is a yucky day.....but I got my ekg and chest x-ray done. I had to have a liver CT scan. If I ever have to have another one it will be way too soon!! The barium I had to drink was disgusting. I wanted to vomit with every sip. They tech was a bitch too. I don't care if she didn't have time to deal with my slow drinking. There has got to be a better way to go than barium drinks! YUCKKKKKKKKK!
It's been a rough weekend. My husband admitted to me that he is an alcoholic. I am numb with shock and sadness. He has always been my rock, my best friend - and he was hiding this nasty secret. I happened to stumble upon his secret stash Saturday night and now the world won't stop spinning. But it's starting to slow down. He called his dad who is a mentor to MANY men in Alcoholics Anonymous and he is getting the support he needs. He's gonna lose some friends over this and had to cancel a much anticipated hunting trip to Montana next month, but we will overcome this. I can't lose him.
I so thought that alcoholism only happened to rednecks and lawyers. ha ha ha. Okay, it's not funny. I just never thought it would happen to us. John is everyone's shoulder to cry on and he just kept numbing his feelings with liquor so he could take on more of everyone else's problems. One can only do that for so long. Thank goodness he didn't hurt our son or me or himself, or anyone for that matter - and he's seeking help! I've never been more proud of him than I am now. He's going to an AA meeting every night and I'm starting to miss him.
Well, 10.5 more months of waiting. I hope it goes by fast! Next August. Good time to take vacation! :)
Sunday, October 9, 2005
Things are getting better. My liver CT came back just as I hoped. I have a doc appt in the morning to discuss ALL of the lab tests I've had done lately....I hope it's a good appointment!
As for my hubby - we are taking it one day at a time. After all, that's the AA mantra. John asked me to go with him to his AA meeting this morning. He wanted me to see what he's been doing. It was what I expected but I was still honored my husband asked me to attend with him. I knew many of the people because my in-laws are friends with so many of them.
John seems to be doing so well. Sometimes I fear that it's going TOO well. I will be here for him whatever what happens. Whatever happens.....what DID happen? I don't think I will ever get a satisfying answer. I've been trying to accept that my husband is an alcoholic. I have been brutally honest with him about my feelings and I think he has been with me too. But that trust is going to have to be re-built.
I never saw my husband drink. I mean, socially - yes. But I never saw him DRINK-DRINK. He keeps assuring me that it did happen but I keep expecting someone to jump out of the bushes and say "surprise! Just kidding!" But that hasn't happened yet. I have a feeling it's NOT going to happen. Sometimes the thought of him being an alcoholic seems unreal. None of our friends knew of his drinking. None of our families. He was a "closet" drinker. Instead of drinking at the party, he was getting his "buzz on" before we even left FOR the party. Who knew? Certainly not me. He lied to me about driving drunk so many times. For so many years! It is crazy the things he has been telling me.....where's the "JUST KIDDING"?! Alright! I'll accept that that's not going to happen.
Our relationship is getting much more intense lately. I am loving it but have to be realistic that we are in for some bumpy times ahead. I used to think that John and I were so honest with one another, but I'm realizing that we weren't. He didn't tell me about drinking, I never told him about my obsession with food. All this talk about addiction is making me look at my own self and say "you aren't so different than him, ya know" - as I am licking the ice cream running down my wrist.
Hi, my name is Sandy and I'm a food-a-holic. Well, maybe a carb-a-holic. I'm a diabetic and I can't stay away from foods I shouldn't eat for even one day. And I know it will kill me if I don't watch it. The only difference between me and my husband - I won't get in an accident for driving "full". Food is my obsession and I cannot stop. I still sneak food the way that he was sneaking a drink. Pathetic.
I cannot make this time about ME. My husband it struggling with an addiction that needs FULL ATTENTION. I wish there was a surgery that he could have as a tool to keep the alcohol demons away forever. There's just AA. Thank God for at least THAT.
As I was saying about our relationship....it's so wonderful right now. We talk for hours on end. We did things this weekend and he was actually enjoying himself. Matter of fact, he was the one that wanted to GO to all the places we did. Usually, it's just "I don't care" - this time he seemed genuinely excited to go places. And when he was having a "moment" he was honest about that too. But apparently angels were watching out for him too because as he was having a moment - his sponsor called him to ask him how he was doing. GOOD TIMING. He so needed that.
I love being a support for him but I just have no idea what HE wants me to do in terms of "supporting". I am doing my best though.....this time next year - I will need it from him. We are learning to be best friends all over again and I'm building up trust once more. I wonder if I'm trusting too much too soon but only time will tell. I keep saying that he didn't become an alcoholic over night - it was a work in progress. But for me, it WAS overnight because I was in the dark about it. I think my trust for him needs to be a work in progress too. I trust too easily. But I can say one thing....I'm loving this man more and more as the days go on. I can't let an hour pass and not touch him. I thank God he's still here.
10/21/05
I am getting bad about updating. Since John is gone so much lately, I haven't been home either and spending so much time with Holden. Finally, John is home and life can get back to a little more normal.....as normal as an AA life is I suppose.
I got the rest of my testing done!!! All I have left to do is wait. I only have to do a 24 hour urine test. And, by the way, I had no idea what that really was. HOW GROSS. I have to collect ALL my urine for 24 hours in a big container. They want me to keep it in the fridge!!! Lemonade anyone? YUCK!
I passed all my tests with flying colors I guess. I had some high liver function test numbers, high carbon dioxide levels, and low iron. Not shocked though. I am supposed to be taking iron supplements but I can't take them with the antibiotic I am on. So I will start those in about two weeks. I can't wait to be rid of all my Rx's. One day!
I just keep gaining weight. I cannot stop! I just watched the special on Oprah about women and heart disease. How scary. But when I eat, those things aren't anywhere NEAR my brain. What's my problem? Food addiction is a bitch.
11/6/05
Well, I'm still waiting. I talked to Harriet Thursday and she said that Dr Bock wants me to have my gall bladder ultrasound closer to my surgery date, like April. APRIL?! I hope she means that I will have my surgery before next summer.
I had a CT scan of my abdomen and it included my gall bladder. It showed no stones. We are supposed to have an US as part of the testing. If there are stones, the gallblader comes out during WLS. I guess rapid weight loss can cause you to get gall stones. I hear they are NOT fun. So, I am supposed to call in February to schedule my US.
I am just getting fatter. I am so sick of myself. I went shopping today and everything was too small. I was so depressed. My belly was hanging out of all the tops. How do I let myself get like this? Ugh. I swear, tomorrow I have to set some limits on what I eat. No more little candy bars. No more ice cream after dinner. It has to stop! No wonder I am a fat diabetic.
Oh, I still haven't done my 24 hour urine collection. I've been on my period for a month! Good news is the psoriasis is MUCH better. But this period thing is bothersome. I wonder if it has anything to do with the thyroid medicine I've started taking.
11/26/05 after midnight
Things are going okay. Still no date - just waiting. I keep thinking it may come sooner than later but I don't want to get my hopes up. I think I've lost like 2 lbs. Whoopie.
I had to have an ultrasound of my uterus and ovaries. I think they found something in my uterus. I saw the tech measure something and it looked suspicious to me. But then again, who am I?
I'll update again soon - maybe.
04/20/06
Well, here I am after a long 5 months! I finally have something to brag about. I got my orientation date with Group Health finally! It's not until July 14th but at least I have something to grasp onto. This gives me time to tie up loose ends at work too.
At our orientation, I think this is where we actually meet the surgeon, the anesthesiologist, and other people involved with my surgery. I can ask questions and get answers. This is where I should get my surgery date. Probably in AUGUST. Ugh. Still seems so far away! Well, I got approved on our wedding anniversary, my orientation date is on my mom's birthday....maybe I will have my surgery either on our anniversary (august 5) or dad's birthday (Sept 23) . We shall wait and see.
May 28, 2006
I got a date! I got a date! I become a loser on July 25, 2006. I'm scared shitless but excited too - is that possible? I've been really emotional lately and everything seems to make me cry. I'm not scared of dying....it's the thought of leaving my family behind that breaks my heart. My son needs a mommy, my husband needs a wife. They both need me. I don't want to leave them on this earth without me. It's them I worry about. My two boys.
Hopefully this fear will be proven wrong! I would really like it to be! ha ha ha....I know I will be fine, but the "what-ifs" scare the shit out of me. I'm a worrier. Anyhoo, I will write more later, time for bed!
6/1/06
Had my phone appointment with the nutritionist 5/30. It went really well! I have started my pre-op diet and she gave me some weightloss goals. She wants me to lose 8-10 lbs before surgery and then 75 after. NOT BAD!! I thought I would have to lose 100 for my height. My goal weight is 135. Oh how wonderful that sounds!!!
My diet:
3+2+5 Meal Plan
3 Meal Shakes a day
2 Entrees a day
5 fruit/veggie servings a day
Needless to say, I'm STARVING! I am supposed to stick around 1200 calories. I have been exceeding that. Although, tonight I ate a Lean Cuisine and I wanted to vomit! Holden ended up eating it for me. I ate the rest of his raviolis. How bad was that!?!
I realized that I never made a list of things I want to accomplish once I am on the losing side. So, here goes!
~Run up our stairs without hearing my heartbeat ring in my ears!
~Be able to see my nether region without breaking into a sweat
~Have good skin! My Acanthosis Negricans will hopefully go away and my neck and armpits won't look "dirty" anymore
~Sit on the couch or recliner and not feel like I'm struggling to breath
~Be able to get dressed in front of my husband
~Better sex....it's great but I'm sure it can be better with a little weight lost!
~Not shop at Lane Bryant anymore. I love you guys, but I'm sick of buying pants that only fit because of my big stomach....the ass of all pants make me look like I'm MC Hammer or Bozo the Clown
~Wear a bra and panty set from Victoria's Secret
~Get off ALL my medication....especially the diabetic meds
~Throw away my C-Pap machine!
~Wake up without pain in my hips
~Possibly get pregnant.....or be healthy enough to adopt again without question
~Run around with my son without feeling like a slug
~Look at myself in a mirror and not cry
~Wear a necklace without it choking me
~Not sweat like I'm in Tahiti when I'm really in Seattle
6/13/06
I had my 2nd Nutritionist appointment today. So far I've lost 6 lbs pre-op. She is really proud of me but I'm kinda bummed I only lost 2 lbs this week. But it's good, I know! I'm completely off caffeine and it's going okay. Tired as hell in the mornings and late evenings.
My skin is shitty. I itch everywhere. I have a history of psoriasis and eczema. Now I think it's folliculitis but don't know for sure. Some of my skin is raw from scratching. WHAT DO I DO???? My skin HAS to clear up before surgery. I've been dealing with this since April. Ugh. I can't have my surgery postponed - I've been waiting a YEAR!
Down to 212. Started at 218.
6/15/06
I lost another 2 lbs!! I woke up this morning, stood on the scale and I couldn't believe it.....210!! I have officially lost the weight that the nutritionist wanted me to lose before my surgery. YAY ME! I hate that everyone keeps saying "see - you can do this without surgery!" Yeah, right. I lost 8 lbs. The good lord only knows that I will gain that plus a few bonus lbs back if I don't have this surgery. A gal named Jenny emailed me and wants to be pen pals. I hope I can keep up my end! Between work and Holden, it might be tough. I feel bad emailing her late at night when she emailed me in the morning. I'll have to give her my work email address.
Anyhoo, things are going good except for my skin STILL. It's a never-ending battle. I just don't know what to do with it any more. Aarrgh!
6/18/06
I lost another lb!!! I am down to 209!!! I haven't been here is AGES. I think when my son came home, I was 212. I'm so thrilled! I don't need to lose any more weight before surgery now. But how do I maintain?? I don't want to lose so much that I don't qualify for this surgery anymore - know what I mean??
So many wonderful people keep contacting me and it's so great! I am just so horrible at names. I hope I can keep everyone straight. I emailed Jenny Friday but I never heard back from her. I hope she's okay. I have to send a message back to Courtney, she is from the Group Health website. She just recently had the surgery and is doing really well. I LOVE to hear success stories from Group Health. It makes me very hopeful! Other than that, nothing new here. It's been almost 3 weeks and I've lost 9 pounds!! Not too shabby! Today I am 209. I pray I can keep it there. I'm gonna be pissed if I wake up tomorrow and have gained. Until next time!
7/14/06
Holy cow,it's been a month since my last update. I have surgery in 10 days. Today I was in Redmond doing all of my pre-op stuff. I met Dr Bock and Harriet. I also did a respratory test and met with the anesthesiologist. Dr Bock was great! I thought he'd turn me away because my weight isn't as high as most WLS peeps, but he said that he'd see me on Tuesday the 25th! YAY! I'm all done. Now I just wait for surgery. One more week of work left and then 4 weeks off. YAY.
I'm down to 206. AND I found out that I'm 5' 3". I always thought I was an inch shorter....oops! My nutritionist is astonished with my weightloss. I just hope my liver is shrunken enough that he won't have to do open surgery. He said he couldn't promise anything. I will be so sad if I wake up with a big zipper down my front-side! But, I'm already scarred by stretch marks. I just don't want the pain of an open surgery.
Well, I'm sure I will write again the night before surgery. Until then.....
<1 hour later>
I decided to take some measurements:
Waist - 45 inches
Hips - 41 inches
Wrist - 7 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches
Bicep - 15 inches
Before = 208
Love that spare tire!! What awful pictures! But, I took these today. Official BEFORE pics....
7/21/06
My co-workers and I went out to dinner tonight. It was alot of fun! It's nice to visit outside of work. They got me a Magic Bullet! I can't wait to use it! And it even matches my kitchen. :) I will miss these gals while I'm home re-couperating.
My weight is not going down. So much for the idea that I could lose the weight without surgery. ha ha! Well, people have felt the need to feed me lately since surgery is so close. Today was my last day for 4 weeks at work. I won't miss work but Lisa, Mel, Lisa, and Greta.....they are all pretty cool. Too bad I want a new job! hee hee....like that will ever happen huh? Well, good night. I just wanted to say THANK YOU to my great co-workers. They are great people.
weight....208. :(
7/28/06
Here I am!! I can't believe I just had this surgery 3 days ago!! I feel terrific! I posted on the OH board but no one seemed to care. Oh well!
I have done awesome these past three days. I was a little scared going in. The moment I had to say goodbye to John was the hardest....oh and tucking my son in the night before. I just prayed that it wasn't the last time I got to do it. Makes me want to cry right now! LOL! Right after surgery I felt like a MAC truck had run me over. The next day I was a little better. Then yesterday, I felt like a million bucks. The only thing that hurts a little is the incisions. They sting a bit but tolerable.
Getting my liquids in is harder than I thought it would be!! I'm getting all my pills and food in so I'm not worried about that. My tummy sure has alot to say about this whole thing though!! It has been grumbling and gurgling ever since the surgery. And when I roll over in bed, I can feel it shift! CRAZY! The strange part is that I ALWAYS feel a little full. I thought it would be uncomfortable but it's not too bad. :) I can't wait to get the staples out! I'm a little scared to but anxious. My clothes were already falling off of me from the get go thanks to the pre-op diet. Now I can't keep them on to save my life! I gained 11 lbs in the hospital from the IV fluids but I lost all that PLUS five more! I'm down to 201 - YAY!!!!! This is the lowest weight I've been in about 8 years! I am so happy. And I feel like a million bucks! I hope I continue to feel this way.
Until next time....
Okay, it's next time yet still the same day. :)
I stepped on the scale tonight and it said 197!!! I cried! I haven't weighed under 200 lbs in 10 years! What a feeling this is! Oh, and I didn't mention before...my surgeon took me off of all my diabetic medications - YAY!
8/1/06
I'm one week out and I'm 195!!!!!!!!! I haven't been in the 100's in over TEN years!! I'm doing amazingly awesome! I have no food issues, no pains (except these staples!) and no BM issues....YAY! But I started my period and it's BLACK. YUCK! I knew I would start, I've been regular since I started my pre-op diet. But it's yucky. :(
Here are the pictures John took of me tonight....I thought I looked much better than this. :( I feel much better than I look! But I've lost an inch and a half from my neck alone!
Waist....-2.5 inches
Hips....-2 inches
Wrist.....-0 inches
Neck.....- 1.5 inches
Under Bust......- .5 inches
Above Bust.....-2 inches
Top of Thigh......- 2 inches
Bicep.....- 0 inches
= 10 inches lost to date!
10 days before surgery...... 208
One week after surgery.....195
And again - I didn't like how I looked in this shirt so we took another..
Side Views....208
195
8/3/06 - I think!
Had my 1 week post op appt today. I'm sad. The insicion above my belly button has popped open and it's gross. The doc said it would be okay and that it's normal, but he didn't tell me what to do with it. He taped it shut, and that only lasted 30 minutes. My skin is oily everywhere I DONT have psoriasis so the bandaides don't stick. I just want to cry. They aren't big enough that I would have to pack them, but I'm sad!
Other than that, my appointment went well. Dr Bock said I'm doing wonderful and that my diabetes is RESOLVED! But I know that isn't really true. I have to check my sugars 4 times a day still.
I am not getting full when I eat. This bothers me. I am battling with head-hunger BIG TIME. Today I snacked. I had some golfish crackers. When is this pouch going to heal so that I can feel full?! Tonight I ate 1/4 c of refried beans with cheese and 1/4 of a banana. :(
8/8/06
2 Weeks post-op
It's finally been two weeks. I feel like I had this surgery months ago! Things are going really well. I haven't had any issues with food. NONE. My blood sugars are doing really well and I'm getting in most of my liquids and meds. My weight today is 190.0 according to my scale. I think I'm doing good, but I still want to wake up thin and beautiful. Not happening that way! LOL! I knew from the get go I would be a slow loser but I can't help but want the pounds to melt off immediately. I keep feeling like "okay, I'm at 190, that's it! I'm done losing now." But I know that's not true. It will continue to come off...it has to. I'm only eating like 300 calories a day!
My insicions are all oozy. I hate that. They hurt a tiny bit but they are still healing. I had some achiness in my left calf today. That sorta scares me. I don't want no clots! I pray it's a muscle thing. Holden and I ran around all day today but this doesn't feel like a muscle. I emailed Dr Bock so we'll see what he has to say. I pray I don't have to go out to Redmond tomorrow! That's one hellova drive.
Well, here are my measurements. I didn't take any pictures today. I will do that tomorrow - maybe! LOL!
Body part/pre-op/current/total lost
Waist - 45 inches/ 41.5 inches /-3.5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 39 inches /-2 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 7 inches /-0 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 18 inches /-1.5 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 40.5 inches /-1.5 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 41.5 inches /-2.5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 22 inches /-2 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 15 inches /-0 inches
= 13 inches lost to date!
Starting = 218
Date of Surgery = 206
Current = 190
Total Lost Since pre-op diet = 28
Total Lost Since Surgery = 16
8/10/06
OMG, I have lost an inch and a half from my tummy in TWO DAYS! I was bummed because the scale hasn't moved so I decided to measure myself. WOW!!! I'll stop my pitty party (but it was a silent one) and keep positive.
I don't know if I posted this before, but I'm having feelings like this is as far as my weightloss will go. I've never been able to lose weight and continue to lose - so I'm having feelings of failure. I think that all WLS patients go thru this around week 3. I notice alot of posts of "did I break my tool?" and "I've stopped losing!" around week three so I'm going to suspect it's normal.
I think my husband is really liking the new me. The other day I was wearing a halter top and shorts and had my hair all did - he came up to me and said I just look really sexy. Made me feel really good! And the other night when he was hugging me he commented on how weird it was that there is less of me to put his arms around. YAY! The sex has been good too. More in the past 2 weeks than in the past 2 months. I hope my drive keeps up!! At 220 lbs, I just never felt sexy enough. Now things are changing for the better as the tummy shrinks!
I still can't believe I lost 1.5 inches from my waist, and inch from my hips and almost an inch from my arms! WOO HOO!
Still 190.0 but not going to complain.....
8/16/06
Well, yesterday was 3 weeks post-op. I only lost 3 lbs for the week. :( My nutritionist said that I was eating too many calories and that probably slowed down the loss. How on earth can 500 calories in a day slow down weightloss?! I'm a little bummed. Oh well, what's a girl to do? I'm not having any food issues yet. EXCEPT that I don't get full. I'm still waiting for that. I always am thinking about food though. I have head-hunger BIG TIME. I hate it. I thought it would go away with this surgery. But as they say, it's stomach surgery, not brain surgery. I think I'm ready for some substance. Soft foods are probably the reason I feel like I'm hungry all the time.
Here are the measurements:
Waist - 45 inches/ 40.5 inches /-4.5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 38 inches /-3 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 7 inches /-0 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 17.5 inches /-2 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 40.0 inches /-2 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 41.5 inches /-2.5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 21 inches /-3 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 14.5 inches /-.5 inches
= 17.5 inches lost to date!
Starting = 218
Date of Surgery = 206
Current = 187
Total Lost Since pre-op diet = 31
Total Lost Since Surgery = 19
8/23/06
Well, yesterday was my 4 week mark. I have NOTHING to report. I've lost 1 whopping pound and like .5 of an inch from my waist. THAT'S IT. I'm bummed about it. I know they say all post-ops go thru this but it's depressing to eat only 350 calories a day and lose nothing. I lost more when I was doing 1200 calories a day. It's my pitty party and I'll cry if I want to.
I seem to be able to eat so much, it worries me. Tonight I ate 1/2 cup of turkey chili. It was so damned good. I also ate 4 turkey pepperoni slices. OMG they are wonderful, low in fat and calories and high in protein!!!! My new favorite food!
I got to start solid food this week. How wonderful it was to eat steamed broccoli last night and today!!! Oh it tasted so good. I've been drinking between 54-80 oz a day. Thank goodness I have no issues getting my food and fluids in. I just wish food was a little harder for me. Sometimes I eat too fast on purpose. That way I have to force myself to stop. I've been eating alot of salmon. It's so dense that I can only eat so much and I'm thankful for it. I hate that I can eat 2 oz at a time. I pray that the lbs start coming off!
Until next time ~
Here are the measurements:
(Date of surgery) (Today) (Total lost)
Waist - 45 inches/ 40. inches /-5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 38 inches /-3 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 7 inches /-0 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 17.5 inches /-2 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 40.0 inches /-2 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 41.5 inches /-2.5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 21 inches /-3 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 14 inches /-1 inch
= 18.5 inches lost to date!
Starting = 218
Date of Surgery = 206
Current = 186 (as of yesterday=4weeks. Today I'm 185)
Total Lost Since pre-op diet = 32
Total Lost Since Surgery = 20
So depressing this week....
8/30/06
Wel, it's been a month! I'm down to 182 and very happy with my weightloss. I have to say that staying within my alotted calories has been so difficult! My nutritionist told me (at week 3) that I could up my calories to 400-600 by week 4. Then at my 5 week check-in, she said I still needed to be at 200-400 calories a day! WTF? I am so hungry all the time! I thought this surgery was supposed to keep me from feeling hungry. I want to snack all day long. Even thought I am not supposed to snack, I do occasionally eat some beef jerky or peanut butter. It's so hard not to! I shouldn't feel guilty eating 500 calories (give or take) a day.
But, I lost 4 lbs this last week since I upped my calories! And I get to eat everything I want now....no restrictions. Meaning, I can now eat veggies and fruit. Fatty foods make me hurl big time. I ate 1/4 of a BK hamburger patty and yacked 3 times. Then today, I ate some meatloaf and was fine. I don't get it! The patty was grilled! Oh well. I'm at least getting in around 80 oz of fluids. I am addicted to Target's sugar free icee. It is so good and it's made with splenda. If I get a large one, that's 32 oz right there, and I usually have two! So there's my 64 oz. My protein is only about 30 g a day. My nut said that she doesn't expect me to get in all my protein right now since I can't have the calories. I think she's crazy. She's so sweet, but don't tell me I'm eating too much when I'm doing everything in my power not to!!! Aargh!
No idea what my measurements are. I'll do that right now....
Here are the measurements:
(Date of surgery) (Today) (Total lost)
Waist - 45 inches/ 40. inches /-5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 38 inches /-3 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 7 inches /-0 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 17 inches /-2.5 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 40.0 inches /-2 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 41.5 inches /-2.5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 21 inches /-3 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 14 inches /-1 inch
=19 inches lost to date!
Only lost .5 inches this week and it was from my NECK! LOL!!
Starting = 218
Date of Surgery = 206
Current = 182
Total Lost Since pre-op diet = 36
Total Lost Since Surgery = 24
Week 5 - the big tummy is GONE!
Flashback to 1-week out
9/8/06
Well, I didn't update like I was supposed to! I start to forget....good weightloss this week! Since last friday I've lost SIX pounds! My clothes are growing like crazy. :) I am in desperate need of clothes but I really can't afford anymore right now. The american express is loaded!!!
We went to cannon beach last weekend for labor day. I'm sure all the running around and walking helped with the huge loss this week. Now I just need to get off my butt and walk now that I'm home....I haven't done ANY. I never have the time!
Anyway, I am not doing any measurements today. I'm too tired and I'm bloated. Have a good night!
Highest weight - 224 - I just found out I was heavier than I thought
Pre-Op diet starting weight- 218
Surgery day weight - 206
Today's weight - 176
I'm feeling good!!!!!
9/19/06
Ok - so I've become one of those people. Ya know, the ones that start to lose weight and are enjoying life so much they forget to post! Geesh. And I swore I would keep it up!
Things are going great! I'm in a size 8 jean!!! My tops are Large and I am having FUN shopping! I got to experience Victoria's Secret last weekend. OMG, I am addicted now. I always thought I was a B cup. How wrong I was! I was wearing a 42 B/C and even bought some a few weeks ago. THEN - I went to VS for underwear and they asked me about bras. I said "I don't fit in your bras quite yet". Well, then they got some big wig pro bra fitter and she was on her head set staring at me saying "I totally agree, she fits in our bras. There's no way she can't" So I took it as a challenge! The lady held me hostage and measured me. She said I'm either a 40 D or a 38 DD. SHE WAS RIGHT!!! I tried on EIGHT bras that ALL fit!!! I am the proud new owner of BIG BOOBS! I love it! I will never wear my old bras again. It's amazing the difference! So, I did what any girl would do....I opened a charge account! HA HA HA!
So, as for my progress, I'm down to 173. I'm happy with that and thought I was looking hot until I made John take my pictures tonight. REALITY CHECK. YOU ARE NOT THAT HOT! :( I told him that every time I start to feel big-headed about my looks, I just need him to take my pictures. It always brings me back. I swear I will never get rid of my gut. That makes me sad.
If I knew where Holden put my measuring tape, I'd update that. But I have no idea what he did with it! :)
Highest weight - 224
Pre-Op diet starting weight- 218
Surgery day weight - 206
Today's weight - 173
Total loss since surgery - 33
Here are some pictures....
8 weeks out
Self portrait at 7 weeks post op:
And my dreaded BEFORE pic again:
9/23/06
I thought I'd do my measurements since I found my tape measure....I'm so glad I did!
Here are the measurements:
(Date of surgery) (Today) (Total lost)
Waist - 45 inches/ 38.5 inches /-6.5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 37 inches /-4 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 6.5 inches /-.5 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 17 inches /-2.5 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 38.0 inches /-4 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 39 inches /-5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 21 inches /-3 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 14 inches /-1 inch
= 26.5 inches lost to date!
10/4/06
10 weeks out yesterday. I've not lost any weight this week. I'm lingering at 169. I can tell that I'm eating a little more. Granted, it's not bad food - but I can still shovel it in. :) My face is getting smaller and I'm loving it. Yesterday I couldn't stop staring at myself in the mirror. I drove with the visor down all day just to stare at my face. It's so weird. Here I've lost all this weight and loving my face but I felt like I was having a FAT day today. I see clothes and think "yeah, right!" and then when I try them on, they fit. I still think that I should shopping at Lane Bryant but God knows that there clothes don't fit me anymore. Like they say, it's not brain surgery - I know!
I'm afraid to do my measurements. I can tell that my clothes have gotten looser but still, I bet I haven't even lost an inch. If I can find the measuring tape, I'll figure it all out. Here's a recent picture I took with my camera phone. I love that my chins are gone!!!!
10/10/06 - 11 weeks out 167 lbs
Well, the loss is slowing down pretty good but my inches are still shrinking!!! YAY! Not much to report. I'm eating alot more these days which is scaring me. I can gulp SODA. I never thought I would be able to do that ever again. But I have to have my caffeine free diet coke. ADDICT! My clothes are growing by leaps and bounds. I bought some cute shirts about 3 weeks ago - they were a little snug at the time. I put them on this morning and they were TOO BIG! Made me look like I was 6 months pregnant. Kind of depressing. Oh well, better bust out the sewing machine.
My period did not come this month. I'm kind of bummed about that. I thought I was getting more regular but I guess not. I'm not pregnant. I took a test today...thank God! Maybe next year, but not now!
I had an appt with my Nut today. Only news was to up my fiber. Maybe it will help me to feel full, longer she thinks. Worth a try!
Here's my measurements:
Date of surgery) (Today) (Total lost)
Waist - 45 inches/ 35.5 inches /-9.5 inches
Hips - 41 inches/ 36.5 inches /-4.5 inches
Wrist - 7 inches/ 6.5 inches /-.5 inches
Neck - 19.5 inches/ 17 inches /-2.5 inches
Under Bust - 42 inches/ 37.0 inches /-5 inches
Above Bust - 44 inches/ 39 inches /-5 inches
Top of Thigh - 24 inches/ 20 inches /-4 inches
Bicep - 15 inches/ 13 inches /-2 inch
= 33 inches lost to date!
Picture taken at 10.5 weeks
10/18/06 - 12 Weeks out and 165 lbs
Things are really starting to slow down! I only lost two lbs this week. I'm feeling like I'm looking good though. When I left for work this morning John pulled me aside and whispered "by the way, you look gorgeous". Even though we were fighting at the time, it made me feel good! I got alot of compliments on my looks today. It's nice to finally like getting compliments. I was always so doubtful before that I always would respond with "yeah, right".
I don't have much to talk about. I'm losing my hair like CRAZY. Biotin is NOT working. It's so frustrating. I just got all my labwork done for my 3 month appt next friday. Everything came back normal! Even my liver enzymes!!!! They were always so high because of my fatty liver. Not anymore! I'm so thankful! One weird thing...I did not get my period this month! No, I'm not pregnant. But it was so regular up until October since I started losing weight. I'm kinda bummed. I felt like a real woman for a while there!
I have a dermatologist appt on Thursday too. I am going to ask about what I can do about my scars. They aren't too bad but they are dark.
I worked out at the YMCA yesterday. I think I'm going to join. For the first time since my surgery, my back stopped hurting today. I think it is because I worked my back/neck/arms. I've been in agony and going to chiropractic appts every other day because of the pain. Maybe there's something to be said for excersize!! LOL!
I have some pictures:
165 lbs/ 11.5 weeks post op
same day
I'm not doing my measurements today....they aren't good. I think I'm bloated.
10/27/06 - 13 weeks out 163 lbs
My collar bones ache. My neck hurts. My knees are knobby. My crotch is all saggy. I have the armpits of a 90 year old. Can I complain anymore?
The fat pad around my collar bones is gone and now they are super sensitive! They ache with every move I make. Same with my back. I was so top heavy before that now my body doesn't know how to adjust. It's crazy! I have knobby knees now! I always thought I had scrawny legs - wrong! NOW I have scrawny legs! LOL! My skin everywhere is sagging. My boobs are concaved at the top so they don't fit in bras very well anymore. They gape at the top! And my poor hoo-hoo is saggy too. I want a lip reduction in the worst way! And not the lips on my face. I suppose I will wait until we try and get pregnant next year. The surgeon gave me the go-ahead for one year out. So, maybe next June we will try. :)
Otherwise, I'm healthy! I got all my labs back and everything is perfect. I'm no longer anemic! I no longer have a fatty liver! I no longer have sleep apnea! I no longer have diabetes! What I DO have is depression! LOL. With a sense of humor. I'm just a little blue these days. I don't know if it's the eating thing of if I feel like people are treating me different. I dunno. None of my clothes fit me right now so I feel like a rag a muffin. My hair is falling out like crazy too. I know, these are small things. But it gets depressing when it all adds up. I thank God every day for the surgery. He has given me an amazing gift and I am rejoicing in it! (Along with the little bouts of depression! LOL!)
11/25/06 - 4 months out
wt: 155
loss: 69 lbs gone from highest weight
51 lbs gone from surgery weight
I know, I suck at updating! I don't have much to say - I don't think. Life is just happening! I am so thankful for this surgery. I realized on the way to work today that I no longer feel that gross, sluggish feeling I used to feel every moment of every day. That dread I would feel when I had to clean the house or just do ANYTHING. I'm working out and feeling so good.
I was feeling guilty about a month ago because I was eating alot of nuts. I stopped eating them and then my weightloss stopped all together! Last week I added nuts back into my diet and guess what - I lost 8 lbs!!! In a week!! The only part that slightly sucks (and I said SLIGHTLY) is that I just bought all new clothes 2 weeks ago. They are getting big already. I can't afford to go buy myself new clothes right now since it's Christmas time. UGH! But I'll live. Better learn to use my sewing machine. :)
Anyhoo, that's really it. I'm still losing weight and feeling amazing. Life is so freakin' dreamy right now it's stupid! :)
12/22/06 5 months out and at 151 lbs
i've only lost 4 lbs this month but I'll take it. Things are slowing down soooo much. My clothes are all getting bigger though. I tried on 3 pairs of size 4 jeans and they ALL fit! Yes, a size 4. I have absolutely no ass or hips - and since everything is low rise, I fit in the smaller pants.
My shirts are still a large. Some things I could probably get away with a medium but I still have a belly bulge.
I think I have body dismorphia. My friends and coworkers that are in a size 10/12 look amazing to me. Same height as me, and I think they all look so good! I'm in a 4 and feel fat and ugly. I still think I'm huge. How do I stop thinking this way? I'm dressing sexier and feeling sexier more so now than when I was 224 lbs, that's for sure. I went to Victoria's Secret and tried on Large teddies and they were a little big. I looked good in them, but still felt like a cow. Maybe I need therapy?
Anyhoo, that's my story for now. Nothing to report really. Eating way too many nuts. What else is new? :)
12/31/06 - 5 months post-op
149 lbs -75 lbs
Well, it's the last day of 2006 and I have a MAJOR report. I'M PREGNANT. I never would have thought after 11 years of trying and 3 failed pregnancies that I'd ever conceive. Who knew that one time without a condom would do this? ;) Okay, I knew it COULD happen, but we never actually thought it would! We are ecstatic yet terrified. With my history pre-op, it's just so scary. We are trying HARD not to get attached to the baby yet. It's hard to do. I'm constantly cramping and even ended up in the ER Friday night. My cramping might be gas pains though because I've been farting up a storm the past few days! SORRY, TMI!
The Urgent Care center thought I might have a tubal pregnancy since my pain was mostly on the left side. I had an HCG test done and an ultrasound. For my LMP date, my hormone levels were not good. They said that I should be in the thousands - I was at 432. BUT, when they did the ultrasound and couldn't see anything, the figure that I'm just not far enough along yet to have high levels or to see the baby. And if it were a tubal pregnancy, the baby would be big enough to see on the ultra sound. I'm praying it's GAS!
So, I had another HCG test done again today. The nurses said I would get the results today too but the lab said no. Since it's a holiday, it won't be until TUESDAY!!!! How can I wait that long?! My levels better have doubled. I will be devistated if they aren't. I know we aren't supposed to get attached to the baby yet but it's hard. My poor husband was a mess Friday night at the ER. He is so excited about the baby. My surgeon might not be so thrilled though.
I am only 5 months post op. Granted, I'm 14 lbs away from my goal weight. So, I'm not in rapid weight loss mode anymore. I'm wearing a size 4 pant (not for long, I HOPE!) and med/lg top.
I praaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay this baby makes it! Holden is the perfect age for a sibling! I'm in the best health EVER, and we are ready for this!
Until next time...
02/02/07
152 lbs
Not counting my loss right now!
Well, baby is GOOD! I have had 3 ultrasounds and there was a beautiful heartbeat! My OB even told me that I could buy a Doppler, so I rented one. I thought I squished the hell out of the baby Monday night because after playing with the Doppler, I had major cramping. MAJOR. I thought I would try again tonight and we heard it loud and clear!!! 166-170 bpm!! Even my OB was shocked that she got it to come up on her Doppler on Monday.
I'm due 9/4/07. Labor Day weekend...how fitting is THAT?! LOL!
Well, my boobs feel like they are going to pop, my face looks like I'm 13 again, my belly is already poking out, I'm peeing like a 2 year old, I'm tired as an 80 year old, my booty is plugged, and I'm eating like an elephant. GEESH! And I swear this child has horns and hoofs! I am having so much ligament pain! That's what I've been experiencing since the day I found out I was pregnant. My OB says I must be going thru it early because most people don't feel this until 2nd trimester. (which starts 2/21!) She also seemed shocked that my uterus was so big too. I dunno why and what's going on inside me - except my little bean is still baking!
But no sex until 2nd trimester. I've been spotting and they found a small sub-chorionic bleed in my uterus. They suspect it will go away but if it doesn't it could cause a miscarriage. I really don't want that again! Let me tell you though...I'm so thankful for Holden. He has helped me get thru the bumpy patches of this pregnancy. Just knowing we have him makes me at peace when peace is hard to find.
Oh, and my surgeon...I was 4 months post-op when I got knocked up. He called me and congratualated me and told me he's been working on a study about getting pregnant within the first year of RNY. He said that I'm at no greater risk than someone 1+ years out. Although I got preggers much sooner than he'd like, since I was so close to my goal and not rapidly losing anymore - he said I should continue to lose weight after the baby. He hugged me today and told me I better bring this baby in to see him! LOL! I just love Dr Bock!
Well, I'm off to bed before I turn into a pumpkin. I just wanted to shout my awesome news from every rooftop in the city!
Hugs!
Sandy
9w3d pregnant
EDD 9/4/07
| Date | Weight | Pounds Lost | Total Pounds Lost | BMI |
Pre-OP | W#218 | PL#0 | TPL#0 | BMI#39.5 |
DayHomeFromSurgery | W#201 | PL#17 | TPL#17 | BMI#35.6 |
Week1 | W#195 | PL#6 | TPL#23 | BMI#34.5 |
Week2 | W#190 | PL#5 | TPL#28 | BMI#33.7 |
Week3 | W#187 | PL#3 | TPL#31 | BMI# |
Week4 | W#186 | PL#1 | TPL#32 | BMI#32.9 |
Week5 | W#182 | PL#4 | TPL#36 | BMI#32.2 |
Week6 | W#176 | PL#6 | TPL#42 | BMI#31.2 |
Week7 | W# | PL# | TPL# | BMI# |
Week8 | W#173 | PL#3 | TPL#47 | BMI#30.6 |
Week9 | W# | PL# | TPL# | BMI# |
Week10 | W#169 | PL#5 | TPL#52 | BMI#29.6 |
Week11 | W#167 | PL#1 | TPL#52 | BMI#29.7 |
Week12 | W# | PL# | TPL# | BMI# |
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