ObesityHelp

My caregiver was so proud of me today, that while we were in Walmart, she came up to me and patted me on the back. Well, little did I know, she stuck a sign on my back that said *Congratulate me! I have lost 104 pounds!* I did not know this until I was checking out! Someone came up to me and said *CONGRATULATIONS!* I told her thank you. Of course I was smiling and laughing. Another employee had told me congrats earlier on my way to find treats for my Chrysy. And another employee came and helped me immensely at the vitamins and we talked about how I lost my 104 pounds. Well, at the checkout, the employee who congratulated me on my 104 pound loss told me about the sign on my back. I asked who put it there and my caregiver said she did because she was so proud of me. I just turned beet red and started laughing so hard I nearly fell over. I am always laughing at something. I guess that is why people are always talking to me in the stores. I never go in with a scowl.

I even moved my computer by myself last night back into the living room and put it back on my huge desk. Thank heavens for my big desk chair. It made a wonderful hand truck for my giant monitor and tower. LOL...I could not see me carting a 19" CRT monitor without help. I am so sore today, but boy did it feel good to do it by myself. And I could actually lean over and hook what I needed to under the desk without asking someone to crawl on the floor and do it for me. There was not a giant belly in the way!!

I think today I am going to rest, relax, and just enjoy myself. I have earned it. I am just so amazed at how things are going now. O gee, life is so grand. Now I need to get me some loving around here and then have some more fun!! LOL!! Well, you know, besides my dog!! She is not quite my type...hahaha...

Life is just too cool!!!

August 12,2003

Ok, I have no idea what has happened the last 2 days, but I can hardly move. It hurts to even think about moving this body!! I know my bed leaves a lot to be desired, but this is a flare up of something I have been dealing with for years and I am so sick of it. I feel as if I have been put thru the wringer of a wringer washing machine. As if I would fit! LOL..but every muscle and every bone it seems in my body is screaming out in pain. I thought just movement hurt, but just being hurts. Yesterday, when I got up out of bed, my legs did not want to work. I had to talk them into what they were supposed to do. They felt as if they weighed 500 pounds each. Now, that is bad. It was the same today. I hope this passes soon. It is very discouraging. I have told my family doc about this numerous times and she just says it is my arthritis. Since when does arthritis involve muscles? Maybe I research things wrong?

I know, I am in the process of falling apart right now and there is no stopping it. LOL...well that WOULD explain things. Now, if only acetaminophen would help the pain and headaches that go along with this. And the IBS that is showing its ugly head again too....yuck what a wonderful week...but hey, at least I am over 100 pounds down!! Cannot complain about that, can I?

I am grateful to God for blessing me with all he has. This is just another part of my life's journey for me to face. Just up to me to figure it out and live thru it. Tears and all.

And yes, I still am laughing and singing too!! If I ever quit that, all is lost!!

August 15,2003

I DID IT!! I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER HAPPEN!! I AM UNDER 300 POUNDS!!! OMG I WEIGHED IN AT 298.8 TODAY!!!

I knew it might happen someday, but so soon!! O how can I ever thank Doc Bailey for the new lease on life he has given me. And I thank God every day too!!

So what if I still have health issues, so do a lot of other people. That is nothing compared to the weight loss to me! I have not been out of the 300's in over 20 years and boy does it feel good to be out of them. It is such good food for the heart and soul to know that I made the right decision and that someday, someday, I will actually feel much better for more than a few days or a week in a row. LOL...well that is how it seems to be going now, but I don't care. I think my plateau has been long broken now. Yeaaaaaaaaaa!

Life is soooo good!!

August 19, 2003

Well, now that I can get back to updating, I guess I will try this. LOL. Thanks to all the great people in the background for all they do to keep up the site. I sometimes wonder if we even thank them enough. Nah, I don't think so!!

It seems, I really messed myself up night before last. I kept seeing so many say how great tuna was. Well, I USED to eat tuna all the time. Sooo, I figured why not try it now. Things were settling down pretty well. Little did I know Miss Priss Grouchy Pouchy had her OWN ideas! LOL. She absolutely DESPISES tuna! I was so sick that night after just a couple of bites of it. I made a tuna salad just like I do my chicken salad. You would think I had given myself tons of sugar and everything else illegal. I tried to throw up all night long. First every few minutes. Then every 15 minutes, then every half hour, then every hour. Oh heavens I was up all night, choking and crying. All it would do was come up to a huge painful spasm and ball in my throat. Then go back down. For some reason I don't throw up. Oh how I prayed to throw up. But no!! Miss Priss GP had other ideas. She wanted me to pay for sending that awful fish down her way I guess. LOL. Well, somehow, someway, I got some kind of pain medicine in me and was able to get a couple of hours sleep. Don't ask me how. I think I may have been almost delerious by then. But yesterday, I was so sore I was only able to get a couple of ounces of chicken noodle soup down twice and lots of shaved ice and water in. That is it. Could not even do my protein shakes. The thought of anything made Miss Priss just spasm more. Today I got a protein shake in and some cottage cheese and apple sauce and more water and ice. I am taking going back to food very slowly because of the residual pain. My back hurts, my pouch hurts, hell everything hurts. Miss Priss and I have been yelling back and forth to each other for 2 days now. I think my dog thinks I am cracking up! hahaha! But by durn if she yells at me, she is gonna get an answer back!!

Would you believe I have like 15 cans of tuna in my cabinet that were given to me? I am NOT gonna touch that stuff with a 10 foot pole!! Think I will give it back to the organization that gave it to me! LOL!! Maybe they will use it. They were so sweet to give it to me. Always thinking of me and my needs. I love em to death!! They saved me and I am forever grateful!

NOTE TO SELF: Take tuna OFF grocery list PERMANENTLY!! LOL!!

I thank God for giving me my sense of humor. Without it I would have died years ago from a broken heart and empty soul. I also thank God for giving me my life, my heart and my soul. People who actually know me, know from where I speak. If you get to know me, you will find out. If you want to know me just email me and maybe we can even IM on yahoo or something. I also have msn IM. Just ask.

SEPTEMBER 12, 2003

Wow!! It has been like forever it seems since I have updated this thingie. Well, lots has happened too.

On August 22, 2003, I wound up going back to St. Mary's Hospital ER because I was hurting so much and could not even do water. I was so nauseated I could not see straight. Most people, especially doctors do not get it. You see, I laugh thru the pain. I push myself thru the pain. If I do not, then all is lost to me and my thinking. And believe me I have cried plenty of times with the pain. But, I always get back to laughing quickly. If I don't, I will lose my mind. I think doctors just kind of think I am faking it, but I am not, NOR am I a drug seeker!! But, I had to do a wonderful barium swallow test. Chest xray and abdominal series xrays. How ignorant can radiologists be? Here the radiologist is standing there watching the swallow right? He is watching all the loverly tasting crap going all the way down and telling the tech that I have to drink what, umm 8-10 oz. of that white chalk?? HELLO!!?!?! What don't you see on the screen there Doc? One GIANT stomach? Anyway, the tech was just telling me I HAD to drink all that stuff and I am telling her I am getting sick and I can only sip, NOT CHUG IT!! I finally get to the point of just about passing out and I have not hardly done even half of it, and she FINALLY asks me(after repeated statements that I have had a GASTRIC BYPASS SURGERY & CANNOT drink all that), O! Are you one of THOSE people with the teeny tiny stomachs now? SHEEEEESH!! Lord!! Give me strength!! I told her YES!! She finally said I best stop and she would tell the radiologist. LOL!! Told her good coz she was close to picking me up off the floor. Well, my stoma was working fine, so was the pouch. It was just Miss Priss Grouchy Pouchy showing her tail!! And to boot the ER doc never did notify my surgeon and he was mad...well, so was I, because the ER doc said he was going to call him. Go figure! PLUS, I had to ask for something for the pain and nausea. What a day!

Now the above paragraph ONLY tells what happened at the hospital...does not say how my angel Candace and I watched a wreck right in front of us on the way there!! IT was so surreal!! Like watching a movie in slow motion. God sent his angels with us and the people in the two vehicle involved in the wreck that day. No one was hurt, the car did not roll, and the semi had little damage, cannot say that for the car though. O the signs you get about how precious life is. They slap you in the face every day...never forget that you only get one life on this earth!! LIVE IT!!

Ok where am I now? I have no idea!! LOL...so much is happening and so much bad stuff is going on..am depressed now because of what is going on I want to scream, but instead have music blaring. Singing to it. This too shall pass, as will my brother. I hate to think of this, but what can I say? Another thing to go thru, yet he has it worse. He has been diagnosed with cancer. He is in Fla. with my sister. I am in ILL. I will have to go back down there soon. Like I did when our mom was dying. Seems his is in his abdomen and chest. Mayo cannot find where it came from, thus no treatment, not even chemo. He is 56. I am so sick about it. Why is it that the only times I get to go down and see family is during crisis times? I know God does not give you more than you can handle, but sometimes I do wonder...just my nature. I have lost so many along the way....and I am the baby in the family. I don't do death very well....

Went to the rheumatologist on Sept. 10,2003. She was ok. But, o well, I won't go back to her. But, she did confirm my self diagnosis. I figured this out at least 10 years ago. Could not get my pcp to check me for it. Maybe I should have just asked her to check me for it? The rheumatologist is quite sure I have fibromyalgia. She gives nothing for pain. She believes the way to relieve it is with exercise and something like low-dose elavil. But since I have a neurologist, she wants me to see him and get treated for the neuropathy. Told her I would when I get a vehicle. She wanted to know why I had not seen him for it. Hey it is over 2 hours away to see him one way. I have NO WAY to get there!! My son killed my car. He feels no responsibility for it either. O well, go figure. She said I need to get another sleep study done to see if I still need a cpap. I told her I felt great until the flare up. I was sleeping great, no headaches or anything right after I started losing so much, then BOOM! it hit me. Everything bothers me now. But I have generic benadryl to help me sleep now. It also helps with that awful post-nasal drip I inherited. LOL. But o the pain I am having. I have always pushed and walked thru it. It is so hard. But, Chrysy and I keep on walking thru. And I stretch too. She told me to stretch before I get out of bed when I wake up. That does help with my morning mobility. She also wants me to see my pcp to see about getting back on my anti-depressant and trazadone since it helped before. So much on my plate right now. I know I need it. So, what do I do for the overflowing pain? Sometimes it hurts too much to breathe because my back is so bad...O by the by, I had EVERY tender point! I knew that too. When I got home, I almost could not get out of the car, much less walk, but the dog and I took a walk later, and that night, I could barely move! HOW DO YOU COPE WITH NOTHING FOR PAIN??? Lord knows I am not a drug seeker, but sometimes....I do need help!!

I am finally moving slowly off the plateau from Hades! YEAAAAAA!! I am down to 285 now AND I have grown 1/2 inch!! LOL! Imagine me...out of the 300's! I never ever thought this day would come...seems to me I recall saying that earlier. LOL...but it still astonishes me. And I do fruit and veggies too. I try to stay away from bread, but once in a while do crackers. Miss Priss loves shrimp cocktail. But I think the sauce is getting to her. I have also found that mustard is out now. And I LOVE mustard, but she does not. Soooooooo, I have to find something else to use. I am down to a 3x in pants and o my bra size is so sad compared to what it was...at least to me...down from a 56DD to a 50C. And the cups are roomy there too!! I am turning into a wrinkly old grammie!! But ya know what? My head and heart are not!! I am 18 again!! Or is that still? I will let ya know when I figure it out.

I will buy a camera next week so I can take pics to send in to compare my before and after. Although so much is hanging, you may not be able to tell the difference. LOL...Watch for the different face shot though, it really shows a difference, I think...my friends tell me I look younger. I think they wanted something from me. hehe...but, I DO have a neck in the new one!!

I MUST thank my angel Candace for all she has done for me. AND she is a FANTASTIC friend to boot! She came all the way down from just outside of Decatur to take me to the hospital for my tests and meds that day I had no way to get there. And she came down the 4th and we had a blast shopping! She found me a great bargain on some long skirts marked down from $34 to $4.77 each at J.C. Penney's! Can you believe that? I bet my slip will fall off me now though. LOL...sheeeeesh more shopping...CANDEE THANKS SO VERY MUCH FOR BEING MY ANGEL AND MY FRIEND!!! YOU ARE THE GREATEST!! NEXT STOP DECATUR MALL WHEN I GET MY VEHICLE FOR SURE!! ;-]

Ok, I have made this update super long. Will add more very soon, I hope. And, I promise to not stay away so long this time.

SEPTEMBER 17, 2003 (cdt)

Well, I just got horrid news from my sister concerning my brother and I am just beside myself. Guess, I am going to have my fibro flare even worse because I am so upset and stressed out. It seems he has 3-4 weeks left to live. Apparently his cancer is just about everywhere in his abdomen and chest. It is unidentifiable(I knew that), and untreatable(knew that too). BUT, I had no idea his time was so short so soon!!

Last time I was down in Florida was for our mom's death. Now, I am going down there again for this. I love my brother and cannot stand this. He is 56. The cancer never showed on any test be it blood, or xray or CT scan. Nothing until they opened him up to repair his hernia. At least they have him on morphine for pain control and ativan so he will quit climbing out of bed and falling. He is also with a hospice organization now. I imagine he will probably stay in a hospital since he has open wounds and we cannot care for him.

Now I have to quickly see about clearance to fly from doctors, get meds somehow, hopefully someone will feel sorry for me and let me have pain med of some kind(headaches are out of control), and get packed and find someplace to keep my angel of a dog Chrysy. She will slowy waste away in a kennel, but my son will want to keep her outside and she is not used to that anymore. I cannot do that to her. I have no doghouse. I won't do that to her, she is old. I will speak to my friends/counsel at the shelter that helped me.

I cannot seem to stop the tears. And yes, I am sick to my stomach and have hardly eaten since Saturday when I knew it was bad.

So God does not give us more than we can handle? Who am I to question? I sometimes wonder though...just sometimes.

Tonight, I have NO humor inside me. I have nothing except copious amounts of tears.