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Carolyn C.
Kingsley, IA, USA
Post Op - BMI: 40.3
Surgery Type: RNY
Member ID: C1045830440
Web Site: http://cclark551.photosite.com
Surgeon: Roger Shinnerl

Click here for Carolyn's surgery support page
Click here for Before & After pictures page
Click here for the 04/2004 Reunion Page
Click here to print Carolyn's cards
(You can print your own cards, and if you're good at it,
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Think I'm best known for sewing quillows! Have lost count on how many I have made the past several years. I also do needlecraft & other crafting, although right now I'm burnt out on crafting & have been sticking to sewing.

If anyone needs help putting together or wants tips on Family Reunions, let me know. My cousin & I are the "committee" & have been the past 10 years.

I'm a diabetic, have high blood pressure & to top it off suffer from fibromyalgia for the past 8 years.

I'm hoping to have surgery, I'm impatient though, there are waiting lists of up to a year!

The year waiting list was for Univ. of Iowa & Creighton Univ. in Nebraska. Since I did my profile I found Dr. Fred Harris in Sioux Falls, SD.

I attended his seminar earlier this year, which was well worth the 2 hour drive! I finally put the money together to see his nutrionist, Kristen this month. And I have to admit as much as I hate attending classes I didn't mind either of these, they were full of facts.

WLS was no over night decision for me, I have been researching this for almost a year. Yes, the decision is right for me with all my medical woes which I've been living with for some time now.

I have been overweight basically my whole life, my highest weight was my freshman yr. of high school at 375 lbs. When my girlfriend got a date for prom & couldn't get me one I visited with our family doc & went on a diet. I dropped 200 lbs in the course of about 2 yrs! Did I look & feel better? Damn straight I did. BUT what made me so angry was the boys who wouldn't have anything to do with me all of the sudden were calling asking for dates & I refused them! My dad couldn't believe I was refusing & my motto became, I may have changed on the outside but I'm still the same on the inside. The heck with them, if I wasn't good enough before I'm not now. I dated out of town guys & married out of towners also!

I married a few years out of school & it was a disaster. To "make me feel better" he would bring home my favorites being chocolate. That was his guilty conscience taking over after his skirt chasing flings. After the twins were born I stuffed my mouth all the time, the food justified the bad marriage I guess. I ballooned right back up to over 300 lbs again. When I finally "got a life" & rid myself of him the weight started coming off.

I have been on a roller coaster ride for years now, I will drop a bunch of weight only to pack on more lbs. Over the past several years I have been dx'ed with fibromyalgia, high blood pressure, type II diabetes, high cholestrol. Ok I take 9 meds in the morning 4 at night & so sick of it. I know there are plenty of you out there that can relate to all of this.

Like I said I started researching about a year ago & have talked to my family doc who is VERY supportive in my decision. My family is behind me 150% except for my son's significant other & what does she know? LOL. I feel very positive about having WLS with no doubts. It's going to be a long road of life but my mind is made up to see my daughter graduate & hopefully be there for my grandchildren's graduations as well.

As for marriage? No thank you, been there done that 3 times, the last being a very dear friend of mine & he still is. He is also very supportive of my decision. I love him to pieces but we just aren't the marrying kind I guess.

It's funny but since I have made the WLS decision I'm feeling better about myself. I'm finding contentment where there wasn't so much before & laughing now. Maybe my daughter had something to do with this. She told me that there was a Music Booster meeting (for our school) & I should go. LOL I walked out of the being President when in fact I thought I was raising my hand to volunteer for a committee. I think to myself now about how much of my life I have wasted being so fat.

But on the other side of the coin I have also adopted a new therory, I'm just turned 49 & at 49 I'm starting a new life. The first of these years were a chapter of my former life & the next 49 can be the chapter of my new life after WLS.

Right now I'm waiting on insurance approval. Luckily Dr. Harris doesn't have a long waiting period for surgery so maybe just maybe I can start my new life within a few weeks. My best friend's daughter is marrying the end of March & I want to look good. I want to be able to wear a "nice" dress or outfit instead of the size 28-30 sizes I have to get now. I inspire myself by going on ebay & looking at "real" dresses & wonder ok what size will I be by then?

I will post as I hear anything from insurance & Dr. Thanks for listening:)




11/15/03
I called Marilyn at Medicaid again today, same answer, no answer yet!:( My mood swings have been horrible lately, up one time down the next minute. This waiting is a killer. On the positive side of things I have great support here. My dad decided not to go south this year so he is staying with me. And he has been a wonderful support, thanks dad I love ya even more. We have talked WLS inside & out, & I have talked to him about my living will etc. No sympathy please but my dad & I have been through hell live has dealt us dirty blows, in 1982 my youngest brother was killed, in 1993 I had a full term daughter who was still born, 1994 my other brother was killed (we buried him 1 month after my daughter was born) then 2 weeks later we found out mom had terminal cancer, she passed in 1995. Three years of pure hell, mentally & physically. I developed fibromyalgia in there somewhere, doc says the trauma I suffered from the above. And type 2 diabetes within a few years of the above. Who says stress doesn't play hell with your body?
Of course during that time my weight was like a roller coaster, stuffing & starving. Stuffing from stress, not eating due to stress. Sometimes I wasn't sure if I had eaten or not all day. The weight has always come back plus plenty added on.
I told dad that this is it for once in my life I want to be called a loser. Had to explain that one to him! Yesterday was bad I could hardly walk across the room. I hate the way I look & the way I feel. Soon real soon I pray I can be on the losing side.




12/11/03
Forgive me I can't remember when I got my what do I call it denial? Actually was told it was a re-review I wasn't denied! If they could only make up their minds! Anyway I got in gear & asked my Primary doc & PA for input letters then I contacted Kmart pharmacy for a print out of what meds would cost if I wasn't on Title 19. The cost for keeping me alive per month is $1129.04!!! My disability check is 1/2 that amount so there is no way I could make it if it weren't for Title 19!
Marilyn at Ia. Foundation looked at my medical reports & saw my highest weight of 395 & then picked out the weight loss of 160 lbs. so I was denied! I said Marilyn that weight & loss happened in the 1970's, not recently. That's when they decided for the "re-review" instead of denial. I hope this time all my ducks are in a row & I'm approved. I'm going to call her today & find out what is going on.
The last time I talked to Sheila there were still openings for surgery this month but that may have changed by now. What a wonderful Xmas present this would be if I'm approved & could have my surgery all this month yet. Today is not a good day for me, 10 years ago on this date my beautiful daughter Kari was stillborn, she was full term. And her grandmother will be buried tomorrow. I had asked not to bury her on Kari's birthday. Bad enough it will be day after. Not feeling sorry for myself, but I hurt this time of the year. I miscarried twins on Dec. 6th in '82, Kari '93 & mom's b'day would have been 27th. I hate Dec. with a passion! Wish Xmas was a different month. Am I bitter? I suppose somewhat. But I go forward with life & I'm wanting a new life dealt to me with WLS.
Our local tv station aired a shorty on WLS the other night & it made me angry accusing overweight people of using WLS as an excuse to lose weight! After I have the surgery I want an interview & let them have it but good!!! One other local station was invited to one of our support meetings & did a fantastic job. Why can't ppl get it? We have to meet certain criteria in order to have surgery? WLS is NOT a cop out. But some will never understand it.
Enough whining today, will keep up the posts as I hear anything, hopefully soon!




12/12/03
I called Marilyn on Friday & she hasn't received my "re-review" papers as of yet. Sheila was in Clinical yesterday so couldn't ask if she had sent my papers off yet. I'm trying to keep positive! Our community has had a horrible shock, 3 girls have been killed another may not make it due to a snowmobile accident. They aren't releasing names yet, but being small town we are sure to know them. The scene of the accident was horrible & I pray for the 16 yr. old boy that hit them. He's ok physically but what this must be doing to him mentally....
I also found out Thursday an aquatinance had lap done & she bled out so bad she was in ICU for a week with 4 transfusions. This doesn't change my mind about surgery though. Everyone has different bodies & we tolerate surgery differently. She has had past surgeries with problems also. She is doing fine now, still run down of course but on the losing side.
I went to Catherine's to buy a pair of slacks, hate to spend the money, but need 1 pair to get me thru the winter. I told Judy I can't wait for the time I don't have to buy clothes at a Specialty store! She said a lot of her customers have had WLS & it's hurting business! Hurray for those gals! Especially for her 1 customer that has gone from 6X to large! Would love to meet her!
I'm getting on the impatient side again with the "weighting" game. I have talked to my para-legal friend about lobbying for WLS & insurance. I don't believe insurance should play "God" with our lives. To many ppl believe that WLS is a cop out to lose weight & insurance companies are slow in understanding this is not a cop-out, but something that is needed to save lives. Watch out politians here I come!!! If by some chance I can get to Des Moines to get the point across I'm going to ask WLS post-ops & pre-ops to join me. We need to show that this surgery is not a cop-out but a life saver.
Ok enough for now.




12/23/03
I called Sheila today, the papers still haven't been re-submitted to Ia. Foundation. I'm really getting on the frustrated side. I know I'm not the only patient, but it's been a while now since I was "denied". I have developed heartburn something terrible & I know it's from stress. Come on let's get this show on the road! Good comes to those who wait...how much longer do I wait? About ready to give up this whole idea of having surgery. That's the way I'm feeling this morning.




12/27
Still impatiently weighting for some kind of news. Have felt really depressed the past few days. Holidays are tough on me anyway. Today would have been mom's b'day. Will visit the cemetery this morning. Feeling sorry for myself was hoping to have had surgery this month but now it looks like I'll be into Jan. IF Iowa Foundation approves me. If they get the paperwork sent in. I keep reminding myself I'm not the only patient at Dr. Harris's office but kind of hard to remember that sometimes! Oh well, wasn't meant to be.




01/04/04
I decided to leave 2003 with a bang. I had a mild heart attack on the 28th. I'm home now taking it easy. This was a real reality check. I'm now on insulin, 2 different kinds. I haven't been insulin dependent so this is new to me. My surgery is on hold now for a couple of months. Thankfully this did not happen during surgery or right afterward. I'm thankful to be alive. My sugars are getting under control, they were so out of control the day of the heart attack, 452! No wonder I had the attack! One day at a time now. My paperwork was sent in last week. I talked to the Dr. Harris' office to tell them what had happened. Once the cardiologist releases me then I can have surgery. Happy New Year.





Jan. 24, 2004
I have a date with the cardio doc on the 5th of Feb. I have been doing the cardio re-hab for the past several weeks. Keeping my fingers crossed that the cardio doc will release me to have surgery. I was one of the lucky ones, my heart attack was mild with no damage done to the heart. I will call Shelia on Monday to see what info they will need from cardio doc. Been walking at least 3 x's per day, sometimes the arthritis in my leg really gets me down so don't walk that far. Max is loving it, lol, he's getting his exercise in also. The approval came thru & when I talked to Marilyn I said "Remember how my doctor said I was likely to have a stroke or heart attack without surgery?" She said yes & I told her that I had a heart attack & she about fell over. It's better that it happened before surgery, hard telling what would have happened after surgery, or it could have happened on the table. Always a reason for things I guess. Will post after I see the doc.




Jan. 28, 04
Was in chat today (not wls) & talk about downers. Chat friend had lap wls a year ago & has had problems since day 1 with it. Of course she doesn't recommend surgery...oh well that's her & not me. And she hasn't even lost 1/2 her goal weight yet! I'm positive about my decision & someone else's opinion won't change my mind, unless of course it was a doc's. I'm counting the days down until the cardio doc visit praying I'll get the release from him & the ok to have surgery. We've had such bad weather this week they called off cardio rehab. Going today. Of course there wasn't anywhere to walk & I'm going stir crazy. School was out for 2 days & couldn't even get into the school parking lot in hopes of going there to walk. The janitors still have to be there so figured would walk while they work...lol. Well off to rehab!




2/22/04
I will call Sheila tomorrow morning. I faxed her the release from the cardio doc's office. Hoping this is the right letter to get the show on the road! I'm more than ready for this surgery. In the back of my mind I keep thinking about the heart attack afraid something else will throw a wrench into having surgery. Hard not to after I read the cardio's letter & basically saying Im at risk again for another. This weight HAS to come off more than ever if I want to live, I believe that with all my being. Hopefully I can get into Dr. Harris for pre-op & get surgery scheduled.




3/9/04
Been a while since I posted. I called Sheila yesterday. When she got back to me she said she thought maybe there was a misunderstanding! She wasn't sure if Dr. Harris would wait 3 or 6 months for surgery. She had told me 3 before so I'm praying that's the case. I see him on the 25th of March. I'm worried that I will never have the surgery. All kinds of thoughts go thru my head about having another heart attack, but like family members before me it will be fatal. I'm not being a downer, just realistic. I have talked to my attorney about a Will & Living Will. For the surgery I have great positive feelings, so don't get me wrong there. It's the before surgery that is getting to me. I'm trying hard not to get stressed, keeping my cool so I don't add any more stress to my heart. I'm walking to relieve stress etc. My fibro was so bad this past week I could've cut my arms off! Ok enough whine with no cheese here. Is it the 25th yet? Please let me get scheduled for surgery. I'm scared to death without it soon I won't be around. This heart attack really scared me & knowing the weight needs to come off has me running scared. I'm trying on my own to rid of extra lbs before surgery knowing this will be a help. Sometimes I grit my teeth while walking cuz the pain is so bad. I have fallen twice this past week, losing my balance, which goes with the fibro. Thankfully it was the wee hours of the morning so nobody was around to see the fat lady go down. LOL hate it when that happens. Will post when I get back from Doc's office.




3/12/04
LOL so I didn't wait til seeing Dr. Harris! My mind has been going constantly. Am so anxious that's the biggest problem. Am I nervous? NO! Kind of reminds me of my hyster, a relief when it's over. I've had several surgeries over the years so think that helps. Just hope my pain tolerance hasn't gone down! I'm still walking with Max, sometimes he's the one that keeps me going! So busy planning & doing things for my family reunion which is coming up in June. Well, since I meet with Dr. on the 25th that means no surgery before best friend's daughters wedding:( Oh well can't have everything. So will wear a fat ladies dress AGAIN, but remind myself this will probably be the last time for the fat ladies dress! I'm going to babysit my grandkids today with my daughters help. Courtney is 5 & Lars is 2. That boy wears me out! Times when my son & dau-in-law can't keep up with him. Suppose to be 50 today so hopefully we can get outside for some walking. LOL double it see, walk & WEAR HIM out! Keep praying Dr. will say it's a go, can't see any reason not to go forth with this surgery. I'm feeling great, my sugars are doing good. I'm behaving myself the best I can, walking watching what I eat. So praying hard. More later.




3/15/04
Nine years ago today mom died. I have really been down last several days, or should say up & down. It's really snowing out there! Max & I just come back from our walk. Even though we just go around the block it's better than sitting here feeling sorry for myself. The cold is a good kind of cold the kind that gets you moving. I'm doing the nesting thing trying to get things done around here. Was busy all day yesterday, cleaning, laundry etc. And throwing away things I just plain don't need. I have an outfit I bought shortly after Katie was born, just loved it but haven't been able to wear it in years. It's now at the front of the closet, can't wait to wear it again. I put a lot of things toward the front of my closet that I haven't been able to wear in a long time. I know I will be able to wear them again soon. Besides looking at the before & after pics & reading profiles gives me real inspiration. I have no fear of this surgery, in fact feel so positive knowing I have made the right choice. The only fear I have now is that I will have to wait an additional 3 months due to the heart attack. I don't feel that I need to as I'm doing very well, emotionally & physically. With the exception to the pain in my right hip which is due to arthritis. Hoping that will ease up once this weight starts coming off. I will keep up the walking it eases a lot of tension, sometimes I walk 5 or 6 times per day. My friend's daughter had WLS about a year ago. I talked to them yesterday, she has now lost 180 lbs!!! Talk about an inspiration:) Her doc told her if she didn't get it done she would be dead in 6 months time. She ballooned up so much after giving birth 3 times, no time in between the babies to lose weight. She's always been heavy, but her's was a do or die. Just as me with all my co-morbids slapping me around. I will have my living will/will made up before surgery, "just in case". It needs to be done anyway. This is not a negative, just a reality. I'm prepared mentally for surgery. Thanks to all those who have posted their up's & down's. I know everyone is different, weight comes off everyone differently, no 2 bodies are the same. I just pray that this surgery is like my other's that I have had. No complications, came thru with a breeze, surprising everyone. In the past with my surgeries I've had no pain, no complications & healed pretty fast considering the diabetes. I can't tolerate laying around, I want to be up & moving around as soon as I can. Have always surprised the nurses that way. Only thing that bothers me really is the nose tube, I had one of those years ago when I had probs with the gall bladder. And when they tried to get one down my brother he died, it went down the wrong way. I want to discuss this with Dr. Harris further when I see him. That is my only fear I have. I've had a JP tube, cath etc. Of course they are a bit uncomfortable but not painful. LOL except cath & they bite going in. Ok enough jabbering for now. LOL I could go out for another walk even though it is a sleety snow out there. More later.:)




3/17/04
Just came back from another walk. First one by myself the 2nd with Max. What a character he is! 8 days now til I see Dr. Harris. I did call to see if there were any cancellations this week, he only does consults 2 days a week. So biding my time impatiently. Continuing my walks even during this nasty weather Mother Nature dumped on us. Went to Support Group last night. Small group but VERY enjoyable last night. Left Katie home for a change needed some "me" time. Visited with my son & his significant other. Chad expressed his concerns about having surgery which I appreciate. Just told him I'm at high risk for another heart attack. If there is no surgery I have written my own death sentence. He knows when mom sets her mind to something that's it! I love him for his concern & I'm truly happy he can express it to me. The twins & I have always been close & I have encouraged them to express their feelings. Sometimes they don't like my humor, like I told him if I die on the table I won't know any different! MOM!!!! I laugh, have to keep up the humor. No, I'm not afraid of surgery, I feel very positive about it. I know he's afraid for me & that's ok. This is a bad week, we lost mom 9 years ago the 15th & today would have been my youngest brother's birthday. He was killed at age 21 a month before his 22nd b'day. Can't believe he's been gone for 22 years now. Can't believe mom has been gone 9 years. Then we had a snow storm so couldn't get to the cemetery, believe it will be ok today, should be able to get thru. There are times I really need to go & "visit" them. And today is one of those days. Ok enough sorry about me stuff. Guess it's ok to be down once in a while & feel sorry for ourselves. I will make it thru today in my own private way. This to will pass. I'm not an overly religious person, I believe in God I always have. BUT I hate reading posts full of religion! I believe this is something personal, between you & God. I have read posts that I believe God & religion are shoved down throats. That I personally can't tolerate. Nobody knows if you are religious or even believe in God or Supreme Being, THEN they post a reply about God & religion. HELLO!!! I will keep people in my thoughts & prayers when asked but WILL NOT shove my beliefs down people's throats!! OK vented enough on THAT subject. Time to sign off....lol been doing a lot of "nesting" lately also...hope that's a good sign:)




3/19/04
I'm so excited!!!!:) I have found a Dr. 30 miles from me that performs WLS:):):) Had my first appt with him yesterday, & YES I will switch from Dr. Harris to Dr. Shinnerl:) This doc is unbelievable, we spent at least 2 hours together & his nurse Jo is fantastic as his receptionist Sherry. OMG you can't believe how at ease everyone makes you feel. I have had concerns, not doubts as far as going to Sioux Falls as it is 2 hours away, the what if's pop into my mind,you know like infections which I'm prone to, then the 2 hr. drive back to Sioux Falls. Dr. Shinnerl will perform at Cherokee which is a quick 30 minutes from me. Dr. Harris is hell bent on open rny whereas I never have learned much about lap. Dr. Shinnerl has just started performing lap, he has done 2 (under supervision of course) & will be doing his 3rd this month. His main concern was my heart attack & performing 3 months after. He is going to talk to Dr. Z (cardio) about performing the surgery. My primary doc office DID NOT fax my release letter from Dr. Z which they will hear about this morning soon as they open. I might have to wait another 3 months before surgery :(:(:(. cuz of that blasted heart attack. Good news is I'm down to 259 which is good, still overweight of course...duh...but it's good to try & lose before surgery. Wonderful I'm all pre-approved also so don't have to wait on that. I just can't get over the fact Dr. S sat down with me & talked for that long! He has my vote:)!, his whole office does! I feel the tide is turning for the best in my direction. He will try lap on me, but warned with the big gallbladder scar I have there may be a lot of scar tissue & he may have to go open. I don't have a problem with that either. Whatever he thinks is best I will go with. AND he doesn't have that long of surgery waiting list either which is exciting also. Something else that impressed me was when he said he would meet 1 more time with me so we could get to know each other a little better then we would also get a date for surgery. He likes to meet with his patients more than once so they are comfy with him. He has been performing open rny but the lap is new to him, but I figure everyone has to start somewhere & his laps have been under supervision & he's confident in himself. Not the cocky kind of confident, the confident kind he is sure of himself. I did tell him how the surgery doesn't scare me it's the nose tube. Ok call me a baby, I don't care! I had one put in years ago when I was having gallbladder problems, my doc thought I also had a bleeding ulcer, after all these years I can still feel that sucker going in. Then when they took my youngest brother in after the accident they were trying to get that down him & he literally choked to death. I have a fear of that damn tube & told that to Dr. S. He said I would be under when they inserted it & he only inserts it for open surgery. Ok I guess I can deal with that in both aspects. I'm going to call Dr. Harris's office & cancel myself off with them. Don't get me wrong they are a great group, but after the "misunderstanding" of when I could see him & going with the surgery I'm a little put out. Being told I could have surgery at 3 months then well maybe 6 months then FINALLY getting scheduled to see Dr. H I feel like I have been given the run around. Drive 2 hours to spend maybe 10 minutes I think is asking a bit much. I realize there are things I HAVE to do, but I also think a straight answer is deserving also. I sat in the scheduling pile for 2 weeks & I had to call to see about an appt, then being told that there was a misunderstanding....doesn't set well with me. I'm in a much better mood today for sure. Sherry told me Dr. S will get ahold of Dr. Z soon that he really stays on top of things. AND I will be at the docs office here & get those other papers faxed RIGHT AWAY!!! We are having our first ever Jazz Festival today at school. Being President of Music Boosters will be working this. Our Jazz band is awesome so am anxious to hear other bands play also...so I'm out of here til next time.....:)




3/25/04
THE HAPPY DANCE:):):) Maybe they heard the happy scream downtown? LOL...I'm going to have surgery next month!!! I will find out probably next week exact date. Dr. Shinnerl talked to my cardio doc & he has decided to do the surgery in Sioux City due to my heart condition. I chose Mercy of course...lol..many times as I have been there they need to name a wing after me. Mercy now has all brand new bariatric beds, chairs, wheelchairs etc. And of course that's where my Support Group extends from. Maybe I can sleep tonight for a change. Lately I haven't been sleeping worth a darn, just keep thinking about surgery & how bad I'm wanting to get this done. Then thinking of upcoming familiy reunion in June. Hope to shed a few pounds by then:) Ok, I'm off here. Took extra long walk tonight, my leg & hip were killing me but kept going, just would stop for a few then back at it again. Poor Max wore him out to. I love this kind of tired, it's the good kind. Ok, out of here:):):)




4/4/04
Well, things can sure change overnight! I'm on the committee for the Obesity Walk. I'm telling Deb, Mercy Bariatric Coordinator, about upcoming surgery & was told that I would have to have Psych Exam, Behavioral & Nutrition AFTER Dr. Shinnerl is priviledged for surgery at Mercy!! Believe me I was quite cranky when I left the meeting, so angry that I have been put off all these months THEN find this out. It could be a couple of more months! At 8 a.m. I'm on the phone to Dr. Shinnerl's office telling Sherry all of this. She passed it on to Jo, Dr.'s nurse who in turn called me back. Told her everything that had happened & also let her know I'm comfortable with the hospital in Cherokee, just want my surgery done! What a sweetheart she is, those gals in Dr. Shinnerl's office need a huge raise!! She talked to Dr. Shinnerl & called me back with good news. I will see him on the 6th & has a possible April 20th surgery date! AND the surgery can & will be done in Cherokee!!! YESSSSSSSSSS...do I sound excited? I was so angry the other night I was ready to quit Support Group & drop off the committee. What Deb told me is this is hospital rules now ALL Dr.'s granted priviledges for bariatric will have their patients go thru this routine. I've cooled down since the other night. Hate getting angry & getting the blood pressure up like this. I have also let Jo know that if they want to put together a Support Group in Cherokee I will gladly help, just as far there as it is to the city. Possible friendlier group? Janet S. from message board has offered to come over when I have surgery. Will be a welcome to have her there:) Will post more Tuesday with more info:)




4/7/04
I GOTTA A DATE I GOTTA A DATE wink wink...Surgery will be in Cherokee after all on the 20th of April. I'm sooooooo excited. Looking forward to becoming a loser. Will I sleep before surgery or am I going to be to wound for sound? LOL...Went to Support Group last night let them know. Several of them excited for me & of course the one's I expected would blow me off did...oh well who cares? Dr. Shinnerl says there is a group in Cherokee which I will attend, hopefully won't have the snobs (there are a few not all of them of course) like Sioux City does. What can I say, their loss I think not mine. I think the best support is the Message Board, everyone on there if FANTASTIC:) The countdown begins. Have so much to do before surgery...gotta go get started now!




5/1/04
I finally made it home!! Surgery itself went without a hitch. I'm luckier than most I have a high pain tolerance & didn't need any pain meds nor was I sick or in any pain after surgery. I walked from my room to the elevator down the hall from me that evening & the next day I was tearing up & down the halls. Dr. Shinnerl asked if he had done surgery?! I felt great & was ready to go home day after surgery. Friday was to be my day to get out went for leak test & had just a pin hole leak. So much for going home! We tried again the following Tuesday & there was still just a bit of a leak so Dr. wouldn't let me go then either. To say the least I was pretty frustrated as I felt good, no infections etc. The nurses & I got to kidding around that I was a "guest" in the hospital, I should go on payroll & of course there was always housekeeping details! The staff there was FANTASTIC & I can't say enough good about them. I was treated like royalty! Ok, Friday the 30th we try again on the leak test & YESSSSSSSS I'm ok to go. I will see Dr. again on Tues, keeping track of my temp & sugars now 3 x's a day for him. On clear liquids yet as he doesn't want to take any chances with me. The ride home 30 miles wore me out did take a nap when I got home & was in bed by 9 p.m. & slept til 7:30 oh man did it feel good to be in my own bed, my own pillows. In the hospital I had a couch in my room & got to sleeping on that instead of the bed much more comfy. I have lost 9 lbs. so far. Slow start as they were really filling me with a lot of protein & sugar IV's. Ended up with a central line as my veins were blowing out. I'm alive & well & on my way to a new life!




5/17/04
Sitting here sipping my coffee...ummmm tastes so good. Have a couple of cups in the morning now, sure hits the spot. To date I have lost 19 lbs. but the inches are really melting away. I saw Dr. Shinnerl last Thursday & the drain is gone now & the incision is healing nicely. I bought some A&D ointment with Zinc & have been applying that. Helps with the itching. He kept the drain in an extra week due to the leak. I'm now eating regular foods, got that ham salad craving over with now. I still tire out easily though & find sometimes I have to have a couple of naps per day. The one thing I'm really excited about is an outfit I have had hanging in my closet for the past 12 years. I bought it shortly after Katie was born & wore it 2 x's. It is a size 24 & when I had surgery I was wearing a 28/30. I tried it on the other day & I can almost get the pants snapped on it! My goal was to wear this to my family reunion which is only a few weeks away. Know I'm going to be able to now! In fact I would like to wear it to my next Dr's appt which is the 3rd. Taking it to the cleaners today so it's already to go. Walking is hard to do yet with the hip/leg arthritis but a friend of mine has a bike I can borrow which will be great exercise. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't done much in the way of exercise due to that blasted leg. I sure hope as the weight goes it will improve as I love to walk. I tried walking downtown only having to stop every few steps to rest the leg. Very frustrating to say the least. And I'm waiting for the energy to kick in that everyone talks about. On the good side, my blood pressure is really down, need to see PC about that & my blood sugars are really coming down. They were 116 yesterday AFTER I ate! I'm really excited about that as well. All of this is really coming together.




5/28/04
Woe is me...still at the plateau. Thanks to my good friends from the messageboard & Janet, Kelly & Laura for their support. I know that everyone goes thru this. The support I get from everyone is fantastic, feel like such a whiner, just can't seem to break this. I have made my mind up I'm going to do indoor exercise, try some sit up's etc. Maybe that will help me break this. Worked outside for a while yesterday, man was I pooped. Good kind of feeling though. I'm starting to get some energy now which makes me feel better. Things have piled up so much around here due to lack of energy. I told the cleaners I don't need the outfit until the 3rd, figured that gave me time to try to get off the extra weight/inches so hopefully can wear it at that time. Would love to wear it to my next doc app't. Imagine having an outfit sitting in the closet begging to be worn for 12 years! It was one of my faves. I had given a friend a bunch of my smaller clothes a few years back & she wanted that one, said no way someday I will wear it again! The reunion is on hold right now, my riders are backing out on me & I can't afford to do this alone. So I might not be going to Denver. That has caused some depression, but I'll get over it. My soon to be ex is in the hospital not doing good due to infections. So I'm looking at it this way, maybe I'm not meant to go to Denver. Oh well, another time. It's Memorial Weekend & have out of towners coming in so need to kick it into gear & get things done around here...Til next time, probably after the doc app't on the 3rd.




6/4/04
25 pounds gone forever! YESSSSSSS!!!!! NOW I really feel WLS has started to work for me. Hitting that plateau so early & not being able to get off of it really depressed me, making me wonder why I had the surgery. Started eating the 6 meals a day like Janet advised & it really helped me. NOT ONLY THAT, I was able to wear the outfit that has hung in the closet for 12 years!!! I was on top of the world yesterday! Sherry forgot to write me into the schedule so when I got there the office was closed! She is on vacation this week, lol wait til I call her next week! Thankfully Kathy was there so she called Dr. S & talked to him then did vitals on me & weighed me. We had a good laugh about Sherry, I wasn't mad at all just laughing, at least someone else has a memory problem like me! Unless I need to I don't see Dr. again til next month on my 3 month anniversary. So all is right with that part of my world. On the down side of the world, Loren's infection has gotten so bad they started kidney dialysis on him this week. He will need someone to take care of him when he comes home, which will probably be a few more months. Last time this happened he was in almost 5 months. We will move in with him & make sure he is well taken care of. We have been separated for a few years but I never followed thru with the divorce. Loren is parapeligic since 86. We knew each other before his accident & he's still my best friend. We will weather this together. Tomorrow is our town rummage & there is an exercise bike & bikes for sale would love to have exercise bike for those rainy days we've been getting. Also a bike to ride on the good days. Know that once exercise comes into the picture the weight will come off as well. For some reason I can ride & it doesn't bother the hip/leg arthritis. Maybe by some chance it will strengthen the area where I'll be able to walk comfy like. Til next time!!




6/19/04
Just weighed 34 lbs gone!! YESSSS!!! Not only that I put on a pair of jeans yesterday, men's size 50 as they were always more comfy & cheaper than going to the "fat ladies store" to buy them. I have 50 & 52 pair of each. Anyway put on the 50's & they fell off of me! Talk about heaven...giggles. So grabbed my daughters size 24 & they fit! She's having fits now cuz I'm wearing her jeans. Oh my I haven't seen that size in a long time! I did go to my family reunion last weekend in Denver & had such a good time. One cousin Jan is considering surgery & we talked quite a bit about this. Most people have a hard time thinking small portions on the plate. Since it was spaghetti dinner with the fixings I choose to take my own lunch. I did nibble off the veggie tray though & ignored the chocolate cake! Looking at that cake actually made me sick to my stomach! Is that a good sign or what? I have no desire to touch it. Jan brought me a chocolate & also a strawberry protein drink which her & son Bryan sell. They were really good. Chocolate was rich, both of them creamy & left no after taste. Will order some from them. Cousin Patty & I did hours of running around to various stores. A year ago I would have been hurting so bad but surprise this time I didn't just got worn down. I am 2 months out tomorrow. I need to see my PC for blood workup, hope things are coming down, like cholestrol, blood sugars etc (3 month average that is). Til next time!!!:)




7/1/04
Even though it isn't a laughing matter I still had to laugh! I got the blood results back & my good cholestrol is LOW!!! So he put me on meds for that! Still trying to get a grip on the bad cholestrol which has come down since the last time. Everything else looks good. My 3 month blood sugars were 123! No meds needed though as my sugars are within good range now, below that. I go back in 2 months for another cholestrol check. By my scales I'm down 42 lbs.! I'm going to take the 30 minute drive to Dr. Shinnerl's today to use their scale, want to see what kind of difference there is. Also check it against my PC's scale. I'm so proud of myself & not afraid to say that! I'm also going to start babysitting the grandkids again & now feel up to it. They don't seem to wear me down as bad now as they did before surgery. I'm excited about going to hear Carnie Wilson, THANK YOU Janet for inviting me! I'm sure she will be an inspiration to each of us going. Til next time!




8/6/04
I weighed in at the local doc's office & am down 50 lbs now!!! Walking on air. This past month has gone fast! Three other gal's & I went to see Carnie Wilson in Davenport, what an inspiration that woman is!! Only wish I could afford to go see her in Florida...oh well:( It was exciting meeting her, go an autographed pic & had my pic taken with her. Not only that met several gals from OH board! I really enjoyed myself. I saw Dr. S also & he is quite pleased with my progress. According to BMI calculator I'm ahead of schedule for weight loss so that's also a good feeling. I had hit another plateau & it finally broke. Even though the inches go seeing the scales not move is quite depressing. Janet has been my rock & keeps telling me it will come. Yes, Janet it does! Jodi has lent me some clothes, lol, just about time to return those also! Thinking of stopping at the Goodwill, maybe they will have something for me yet! There is also the Christian Need Center & think I will visit there, the clothes are free, just need to donate some clothes to them. Between Katie & myself can do that also. Will just grab some smaller sizes! I find shopping for Katie's school clothes that I want to buy also BUT I don't want to spend the money for something I'm not going to be wearing for that long. Janet had lent me a couple of outfits one fits now & the other should within a week or so. I love it, getting me hand me downs, another first!! Life is good:)




8/18/04
I weighed in on Monday at the Dr's office & NO CHANGE!! Ok, could get depressed but not going to! The inches are going & that's just important as the weight, or so I keep telling myself! I'm able to walk better now, still some pain but nothing like it was before. My goal is to add another block to my walks then maybe I can do better. Kids start school today & boy am I ready!! I have decided Monday is weigh in day at the Dr's office. My scale is really wacky as it reads the same all the time even though I have lost. Time to throw it out & get a digital scale. We had AugustFest here last Saturday. I was asked to sell tickets to help raise money for our walking trail. I spent the better part of the day downtown & had a blast! People were stopping & talking to me telling me how good I look. That was such a great feeling. Had a gal tell me she didn't even recognize me at first, NOW that was REALLY a good feeling. I take early morning walks or walk at night so don't see that many people. And generally just go to post office & the store. So I consider Saturday my first real day out in public. Totally enjoyed myself & even my leg/hip co-operated not giving me pain!




8/20/04
Today is my 4 month anniversary. I have lost 55 lbs & down to a size 18!!! I haven't been that size since high school. I have 2 gals interested in surgery that have approached me. We are getting together to discuss surgery. And both of them want to log into OH. Should be Dr. Shinnerl's postergal! Wonder if he has finders fees? LOL will ask him! Cindy & Lily want to know if I will go with them to the Dr.'s appt's but of course I will. I'm putting together a photo album of my progress, look at those pics from even a year ago & it just floors me! Can see the difference now!




I've been terrible about updating my profile. Guess it's like writing letters just not good about it! The past few weeks have been up & down, gaining a few pounds then I lose them. It has been so frustrating! This morning I'm down to 202, which is great, I'm 5 months out now so am on schedule. Guess what's so frustrating my weight would bounce up to 206 then down to 203 then back up again. Can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. Changed things around yesterday so did drop a pound which is better than the gain. Been wearing a size 18 for the past month also. Now I'm happy to be down to that size but want to see some kind of movement on sizes also! I'm not being very patient that's for sure. I see Dr. Shinnerl again next month & wanted to be down more than what I've been seeing. I WILL make it just need some patience. Talking with Janet helps me, someone who understands the frustrations. Maybe I set goals to high & need to back down from those a bit. The before & after pictures are such an inspiration to me, I look at them daily. So happy for those who are doing so well & have hit goal. See myself there someday. I want to thank Brandi for the beautiful profile. My favorite flower, yellow roses:)



9/27/04
What is going on with me?? For the past few weeks been battling this, 206 down to 202 back up to 203/204. Just can't seem to shake this crap. Want to be under 200. Now we aren't suppose to gain overnight right? Suppose to lose! I weighed before I went to bed the other night, 199! Next morning back up 203! I'm really getting frustrated! Vent baby vent!!! I'm really trying harder to get the water down but some days can hardly choke down 20 oz. & know that isn't good. Yesterday was hungry all day long, didn't gain but didn't lose anything either. Maybe I stood on the scale wrong & came up with the 199. Keep asking myself what am I doing wrong? Getting enough protein, water is my downfall. Going to push water water & more water. Something has to give!!!





10/17/04
Tomorrow is my 50th b'day! Actually been depressed about the big day! So much has gone on this past week. My brother in law died of a massive heart attack. He was just 52 on the 9th of Oct. Has been a horrible shock to all of us. He knew he had high blood pressure & never done anything about it. One minute he was talking to his wife then complained about not feeling good. She called 911 at that time but he had a massive attack in the ambulance & they couldn't bring him back. I think another depressing thought is how my life has passed me by! Nothing can be done about that now, I'm enjoying life to it's fullest on a daily basis as we never know do we?
I'm still staying around the 200 lb mark yet. Sooooo depressing, once again I hit 199 only to gain back a pound. What is it going to take to break this cycle? Depressed again! My in-laws about fell over when they saw me, they figured I had lost enough weight & informed them still have another 50 to go...they about went over the edge & I looked good enough I better not lose anymore or I'll be sick etc. Even though Loren & I have been separated for several years now they still are my family. If Loren would give us another chance I would go back to him in a heartbeat, I still hope & pray.
I had to buy an outfit for the funeral. Run into mother in law at the shop & she helped me pick out something & I also helped her find something. Still wearing size 18, well at least I didn't go up in sizes even if I'm having a hard time shaking the weight loss. I have started drinking more water anywhere from 80-100 oz per day now so I've really kicked that part in the butt. And I'm getting enough protein. I don't graze. Will get this figured out yet. On the 20th will be my 6 month anniversary, so wanted to be around 190 when I went in. Won't make that goal now, so live with it girl. Had my blood work done so will be able to take a copy over to him when I go.
ONLY 50 more lbs to go til goal, will it ever come? It doesn't seem like that much more to go since I've lost 65 so far. The good news is still wearing size 18, which hasn't been since school days! I got my hair permed & keep it styled most days & have even started wearing makeup again. Am feeling so much better about myself. Think that part shows to anyone I'm around, am told my eyes sparkle when I smile & find myself really smiling more daily. Will keep trudgin away & maybe can shake this stall. Know it will happen but find myself losing patience especially when I read about other's & their weight losses. Think I need a little cheese with my whine! Nothing new!!! Will post more after I see Dr. S & see how he feels about what is going on. According to the BMI calculator I'm about a month ahead so that is a definite good feeling. Sometimes I get scared that I'm the one who is going to fail. Think that bother's more than anything. But maybe that's natural for all of us who stall out & hit the dreaded plateau. Til later....





10/22/04
I saw Dr. Shinnerl today (my surgeon) & he is quite pleased with my progress. Weight? Well according to his scale -65 lbs, my PC -68...hmmmm...which of the 2 scales looks like a better loser? LOL. I also took my digital cam with me so I could have a pic with him. He said he would be honored to have his pic with me. He is such a sweetie, very compassionate, very caring. I'm happier with myself, he seemed to give me the boost I needed. My bloodwork looks good so am pleased with that. I don't see Dr. Shinnerl now until my year anniversary. Maybe I'll be close or at goal at that time! Only 45-50 more pounds to lose & actually after losing 65 (lol or 68) that doesn't seem like much. I track on the BMI calculator & am ahead by a month or so. He asked if I would do this surgery again & my answer? Hell yes! Never have had any regrets, not even when I had the leak. I was more than ready for surgery & I encourage people to have it. I told him I was quite upset about driving 60 miles round trip for a support meeting & NOBODY showed up. They are trying to put something together & I have volunteered my services. We are celebrating Thanksgiving in a few weeks, there is a gal that bakes pies & we are going to take the load off of ourselves & have her bake them. She bakes with Splenda. My family was concerned about having the "big" meal & I asked why??!! I still have to eat & for me my plate will be full! It's hard for them to imagine I'm full with such little helpings. But that is with most people, they can't understand such a little helping can fill us up. Until next time:)





This week has brought several "wow" moments. Since I take care of my grandkids I don't get downtown that often or it seems it's that when I make it there it's towards evening so I don't see anyone. I didn't have to babysit until afternoon so I ran up to get the mail & stop at the grocery store. Being I'm in a small town everyone knows everyone & of course their business! I had a package so ran in to pick it up & the postmaster had to ask who I was???!!! I haven't seen her since surgery.I have taken to fixing my hair (perm last month) & even wearing makeup. Told her she made my day!! From there to the grocery store. Gal I've known all my life was checking out she glanced up said hi to me & I said hi back. She put down her pen & said OMG Carolyn is that really you?! Saw her & her hubby later on that evening & I had glanced their way. As I was looking her way she says to hubby did you see Carolyn? I had to laugh & go talk to them for a few minutes. Dad comes over yesterday, he's getting ready to move in. Anyway he tells of a man that has known me all my life that didn't recognize me when I waved to him! He told dad he did a double take when he saw me. Dad is soooooo proud of me, he never fails to tell me this almost on a daily basis. I attended an open house for my Physician's Attendant the other night. Had so many compliments. Yesterday ran into WalMart & saw a gal from here. She has lost weight thru exercise & eating habits. She commented on my weight loss & told her what I had done. She said oh that has to be easier than doing it the way I am. Let her know that this WAS NOT the easy way out & anyone that thinks it is needs to know different! Shut her up in a hurry. I'm really disappointed in the one gal who seemed so interested in WLS. She wants to "wait til I pay off some of my bills" ok let's face it she has excuses. I personally believe that she isn't ready to help herself, she would prefer to whine about her life. I have no time for that, the tool is there for her to use & if she doesn't want to put her best foot forward & use it then it's her loss. Her parents have even tried to shame her by making mean comments to her about her weight. I spent several hours with her, answered so many questions she had, but the ball is in her court now. The wow moments this week have really helped me out. I'm still size 18, been there for some time now, BUT I'm below 200 lbs. From a man's size 50/52 jeans down to a size 38! Now that is a WOW moment. I'm a smaller size than my dad AND my twins!! Loving every moment of it. Life is good! Til next time:)





It's been a while since I've updated, shame on me! Yesterday I was interviewed for a story that will run in the Des Moines Register, online & in the paper in January. Jennifer (reporter) was super nice & asked very very good questions. Thanks Jennifer!:) We spent several hours together talking about everything in general. She also wants to include in her story about how genetics go hand in hand with obesity & would like to interview my daughter Katie who also suffers from obesity. Katie is VERY active but she has a hyper-thyroid & that has really worked against her. I have also emailed Monica (OH) for the support training info, filled it out & sent it back. I'm anxious to get started on this project as I would like to see a support group up & running with Cherokee & IF there would be enough interested get one running here in town. There is a group that is doing exercise, measurements etc "getting ready for the holidays" deal BUT those things never last. Everyone is enthused in the beginning then it falls thru the cracks. The nice thing of living in a small town is that I'll be able to come up with a meeting place that will be free to use. If nothing else could start from home then work on a meeting place. I thought when I get the training completed I will run a group meeting for those interested/or have had surgery. Who knows maybe I can get something going here in town so I don't have to drive 60 miles round trip! Not that I mind, BUT it would save on gas! I'm down 74 lbs now & feeling fantastic! I actually joined the gals for "coffee" yesterday, lol took my jug of water & drank that & watched them drink coffee. Was nice getting out. Mom & I use to join in morning coffees & I do miss that. Til next time!!!





Sitting here this morning reflecting on the past, not dwelling just thinking. Guess the interview brought back some memories I had forgotten about! The diets of the past, 1000 calorie diets, Cambridge (nasty stuff), Slim Fast, Herballife. I did good on Herballife as long as I stayed on it! Tried that one a couple of times. The name calling, the comfort foods (potato chips) all kinds of things racing through my head. My grandmother's were obese, especially my dad's mom Reba. For as long as I can remember she was "fat" until suddenly she started dropping weight, gee imagine this she was diabetic. I watched her die a very slow painful death. I think that scared me more than anything is the fact I looked like her & was scared the same would happen to me. I can remember grandpa telling me that the insulin shots corrode the veins, makes them rusty. After some serious thought I really believe that's true. I was out of control with my weight. Weight issues have been such a roller coaster ride all of my life. Depression played a big part of my life, looking back now I wasn't a happy person at all. Oh ya, always the funny one, always the friend but not the girlfriend, the bridesmaid not the bride. Last night as we are eating supper I said to dad & Katie, look at you piggies! Here I am with my little portions here they are filling their plates up! Katie thought maybe I had to much on my plate & reminded me of this! No, I didn't have to much on my plate! I used a regular dinner plate instead of my "saucer" plate last night. So it looked like more I'm sure. I have heard alot of WLSers don't eat with their families, they are afraid they'll over indulge. Guess I'm not afraid of that & meal time is so important to sit down as a family, that's the way I was raised so it continues. We ALWAYS had to be present for at least one meal per day, that was dad's rule. As we entered into Jr & Sr High with school activities it became harder to do so. We didn't have a closed campus at that time so we were able to share noon meals until we bussed out of town for school in our Jr High years. My folks needed their family together. Now these are fond memories of days gone by. I'll never forget the last time my brother's were home, the last time we would all be together before the death of my youngest brother Neil. Their wives looked at us like we were all crazy! Kenny (brother) & I looked at each other & started laughing, Neil joined in he knew what we were thinking. We got up from the table Kenny tells me it's my turn to wash the dishes, Neil you need to clear the table. Neil's job was to clear the table & Kenny & I were to wash & dry. We would argue over who was going to do this, plenty of towel snapping going on, deals being made. What a cherished memory this is for me. Dad use to threaten to pull all the dishes out of the cupboard if we didn't quit arguing who was going to wash/dry dishes, Neil would smirk at us after all he had the easy job! We weren't allowed to go anywhere til the dishes were done. And lately friends that practically grew up at our house share this with their kids. And when we get together it's one of the first things brought up! I miss those days, I miss my mom & brother's & I can't help but wonder how they would feel today about the "new" me. Know all of them would have been proud. Kenny & I were really close & he decked plenty of those who dared to make fun of me. In later years Neil & I became just as close, there was 6 yrs age difference between Neil & myself. I know with the holidays approaching this is what is bringing alot of my meloncoly to surface. But it's ok, it's in a positive way, not the negative that would make me want my comfort foods. So today as I do the dishes I will have those fond memories like I have been. And remember our times at the dinner table, the laughter that always there, the love we had as a family. Dad has been told by many people (friends) how they always envied the closeness of our family. Growing up our house was always filled with kids. Parents always knew where their kids were. How many parents know where their kids are? Not many I'm betting! Even as teens our friends would come over & we would play board games with my folks (YES with ADULTS!). It was a nightly ritual during the winter. Dad would make popcorn & we would play cards or board games. This was a part of life, we never thought anything of it. We always had an open door policy at our house. So today I reflect & to be honest wish my brother's & mom were still with us & in a way be able to turn back the clock to re-live those days of being together. I know they are looking down at me saying Way to go Sis.





11/23/04
I'm really excited as I write this. Yesterday I got the Support Group Training Manual from Monica @ Obesityhelp. After Kari's death (my daughter)I ran a support group for parents that had lost babies. I did this for several years until it was time to let go of that part of my life. Not that I will ever forget, but there comes a time when you have to move forward. I will still help out when needed but I passed the group onto another parent. I really feel with this support group it will be a lifelong committment, there will always be a need to educate people on weight loss. I learned alot of things also by reading this manual that I didn't know. AND I plan on talking with my PC as well as my surgeon about what I have learned. I know, here comes the know it all again! LOL..well someone has to live up to this reputation!!!
I'm happy to report that I didn't turn to emotional eating this past week. Katie's bio dad & I got into it & he is "ceasing all contact" with us. Big deal no loss there! Loren adopted Katie shortly after we married & she has always considered him her dad. I don't need a control freak drunk in our lives. Oops did I say that?! Before when we would fight I would turn to food. Damn, no man is worth that! He can wallow in his self pity drunken state of mind! He can threaten suicide, can I load the gun for you? I WILL NOT be held responsible for his childish actions nor will I let myself feel guilty! He called & let the phone ring 20 plus times & I wouldn't answer the phone & called him on it. He was "offended" that I accused him of this! HELLO I have caller ID! I had asked him not to call me that day I would call him as I was interviewing. Control & denial go a long way!!! Nope, no emotional eating here as it would have been in the past. Instead I celebrate with a yogurt! Who needs this kind of grief? Not I! Words were said this time that will never heal, at least not on my behalf it won't. He's pulled this in the past before & it always worked on me, well buddy this time it isn't going to. Tis the season when I get emotional anyway, but I found out that I can turn to something healthy to eat instead of the junk! I also had a phone call yesterday that brought up some emotions. I won't go into detail here, it's to public & painful. All I will say is it was about my nephew. I'm just so proud of myself not turning to food this time around. A year ago I would have gone out & bought a couple of bags of chips & started eating like crazy. So here's to the new me:)





11/27/04
Nov. is just about over! Hard to believe. Last night I was downtown for our Hometown Christmas. Ran into the "boy next door", lol we grew up together, ran around together & he still lives in the neighborhood yet today. Randy's eyes about popped out when he saw me & says hi skinny to me. He is in the guard & has been gone for several months so we haven't seen each other since my surgery. Saw him shortly before surgery & told him what I was going to do. His wife had told him he wouldn't recognize me when he did see me. Also had been in the bank earlier in the day & saw a former teacher & principal. Again I hadn't seen them since surgery & she says (hesitated I might add) Carolyn??? The bank had hot chocolate & cookies laid out & would I like to join them? Think not!!! We visited for a few minutes. Also ran into another classmate & she stopped dead in her tracks. I love these "wow" moments, it does the heart good:)
As I was walking back to the van last night I couldn't help but think about a year ago & how I would have waddled at a slow pace. I didn't run by any means but moved at a pretty good clip. AND at the "warming station" there were lots of goodies & hot chocolate, I have no desire to eat or drink those things anymore. There again, think back a year & probably would have sampled every goodie that was out there! Come a long way in a years time. I finally finished painting my living room, got curtains & pictures hung. I have other painting to do also so will work on that when I'm not babysitting. Jennifer (reporter) & a photographer from the Des Moines paper will be here Sunday to interview again. She wants to talk to Katie about how her weight has affected her also. She is a very nice gal, lots of positive with her questions. I have invited Janet to come up & share also. Janet has been my mentor & supporter, she's the one I turn to when I need some cheese with my whine. I want her to share with Jennifer also. Weather permitting we shall meet. Will post after interview.





11/29/04
Jennifer & Andrea were here yesterday. Andrea (photographer) will be joining us a few more times for photos. I want to thank both of them for the interview & pics. Jennifer interviewed Katie (daughter) yesterday also. She has asked very good questions concerning WLS. I'm happy to report about the positive that is being put into the stories. The stories will run in the Des Moines Register in Jan. This will be online as well as paper. Dad asked for my autograph! Says I'm a celeb now! This has been a fun interview.
Back to the daily grind today after the long holiday weekend. Got my Xmas stuff out & up. Last year I put up the tree & that was all the decorating I did. Courtney (granddaughter) decorated the tree as she does every year. She just turned 6 last week & she has been decorating since she was a year old. Of course we have decoration pile up's but I won't change a thing with the tree. I put on the lights & she hangs the decorations. Thinking back about how lousy I felt a year ago & how I feel this year. Amazing changes in body & mind. Until next time:)





It's amazing to think it's been a year already! When I was waiting for approval, getting denied, then approved and then the heart attack that put me on hold!!! A year ago at 265 lbs & this morning weigh in at 188 lbs!!! You've come a long way baby!:) Today will bring some shopping, my granddaughter needs some dress shoes for her Xmas program & since I needed to pick up a couple of things for her yet I thought I would take her & buy her shoes & tights. A year ago shopping, even the thought of it would have worn me out. I still hate crowds!! But I'll go to LeMars where the crowds aren't bad. Dad will be leaving next week for Florida. I never feel comfortable until he is home again, but he loves it down there. He stays with my sis in law while there. She was married to brother Kenny who died in 94. I hate the idea he won't be here for Xmas, that is the holiday that I've always wanted him here. He has decided to leave early this year & there is no changing his mind!! We are made from the same stubborn mold there is no doubt about it. I will be taking over his bedroom when he leaves! Going to clean out my closet, put boxes in there & sort through them. Good winter project! And getting rid of more clothes, except the yellow outfit. Not that I'll ever wear it again BUT will keep it around as a reminder! I also have the jeans & shirt I wore for my "before" pic & tried them on the other day...dad & I laughed our butts off! Hard to believe that I filled them out! He wants to take pics of me down to Donna of the new me so am going to buy a disposable camera so I can take a bunch of pics of Katie & the grandkids as well as pics of me. Donna has heard how much I've lost but hasn't seen the results. Only 38 lbs to goal now, would like to make it 48 lbs so I have an extra 10 to play with. Told dad he won't even recognize me when he comes back in April! I hadn't given much thought to PS, but the more I look at the sagging skin I'm beginning to give it some thought. There is no way I could wear shorts next summer! Good thing for capri's!!! Until next time:)





12/7/04
I had written OH letting them know that the DM Register was doing a story on me & low & behold I got an email from Ronda (OH Magazine) about doing a story for them. She asked if I wanted to write a story or should they send a reporter? Since I'm not good about writing I have opted for a reporter. Of course dad is teasing me about all of this saying next thing we know is Hollywood will be making a movie!! Ya right dad...you can hear the pride in his voice as he teases me.
My weight is bouncing between 188 & 190 now. Before this would upset me but I'm not letting it bother me now as I know it will be going. I just have to have some patience is all. Only thing I'm impatient about right now is the clothes size! Will shake that size 18 yet! Tonight is Katie's Xmas program at school. My mind wanders back to last year, it was cancelled due to the classmates of Katie's getting killed in that tragic accident. It was postphoned at first due to weather then cancelled. Has it really been a year already? I feel good about going out in public now, sure didn't feel that way a year ago! So much has changed in such a short amount of time. Only wish I had had WLS years ago, but the time must not have been right. Dad leaves for Florida tomorrow morning. I never feel good about him being there & honestly don't rest easy until he is home again. A few years ago he wasn't feeling good when he left here. He had called & said he was coming home. When I didn't hear from him that night I called SIL & found out he was in the hospital. We just about lost him due to infection the doc's didn't catch here. First few days were touch & go for him. Losing my twins & my brother's in Florida has made me despise it there. That's my feelings, I just can't help myself. Dad loves it there, myself the few times I have been back I don't rest easy.
I don't babysit this week, Chuck is on layoff, slow down before the holidays so hoping to get some more stuff done I've been putting off. Also getting my washer/dryer delivered so can get back to tackling laundry that's stacked to the ceiling. Until next time:)





12/8/04
I have done it!!! Shook that size 18! FINALLY!!! And I'm doing the happy dance for sure. With Katie's Christmas program last night I wanted to wear something decent, not my usual baggy clothes. I went to Wally World looking for some jeans & a sweater. Of course grab the size 18's first. Both were to big so grabbed 16's. The sweater fit nicely, not snug not baggy just right. BUT the jeans were still baggy in the butt & legs. My legs have turned into toothpicks! Tried on a size 19 Jr's & they didn't fit right either although they looked better in the legs, not so baggy. Decided to go into Cato's to take a look was telling the gal there about the problem of fit she said well lets look at some Jr sizes for you. She had some on clearance for $10 a pair! She grabbed an 18, 16 & even a pair of 14 Jr's for me. The 18's were to big, 16's fit really nice & the 14's well give me a few weeks & I'll be there! I was so excited I about p'd down my leg!!! I bought 2 pair of them! I tried them on & showed Katie who started drooling! Hoping this will give her incentive to shed some more pounds as well. She said mom you will have to save those for me! When dad saw me he got tears in his eyes & told me I looked really nice & how proud he was of me. The jeans really show off the weight loss. I can't believe what new clothes will do for a person, mentally that is. I know I carry myself a lot prouder than I have in years. A new me? Yes, I think so. When we got to the school last night there were several teachers in the commons & their mouths just dropped when they saw me. Remember, I've been wearing some pretty baggy clothes & although you could see the weight loss with those clothes, the new ones really showed a significant loss. After the concert there were alot of hugs & people telling me they did double takes & alot of congrats on my weight loss. Who says small towns are all bad? LOL...This morning I'm going to put on those new clothes & go for coffee:) Really feeling good about myself right now. Size 16? Haven't seen that size since high school 30 plus years ago!!!
On the other hand it will be emotional day for me today. Dad is leaving for Florida. I never rest easy until he is back home again. As I have told in earlier posts I hate the thought of him being in that state, to me it's a death state. After losing my twins & both of my brother's there in "accidents" I never have good feelings of him being there. Plus a few years ago he just about died there also. I was so helpless then as I wanted to be with him just in case BUT there was no money to get me there. The first few days were so critical not knowing if he was going to make it or not. Last year he stayed home & I think alot of it was due to my heart attack. My brush with death affected him more than he will admit. Even though it was a mild heart attack, with the family history I have with heart attacks, it made it hard on all of us. I didn't sleep much after that happened, guess I was afraid if I slept I wouldn't wake up. This is what happened to mom's mom, mild heart attack & when she was in the hospital she had several more each one worse than the one before. She never got out of the hospital. At least this year there won't be the emotional eating of my fave potato chips & ice cream. I refuse to keep the junk in the house as I know it would be so easy to turn to that again. Instead the fridge has cottage cheese & yogurt so if any emotional eating happens at least it will be healthy!





12/11/04
Today would have been daughter Kari's b'day, she would have been 11 yrs old today. Where has the time gone? In just a few short weeks brother Kenny will be gone for 11 yrs. Guess time does go by but at the time you never think it will. I still grieve today & always will. But time has a way of lessening the pain somewhat.
On a different note I have decided to jump in & be an advocate! Lori was denied surgery so I went & saw her yesterday. I have let her know what may help to get her approved. So will be working on this also. The times that were given for the Support Group conference calls never worked out for me so going to email Monica to see if they will be doing any more. I have also talked to Marilyn at Ia Foundation about panni, she says Title 19 doesn't cover this! Although I have read that they do. Think the best thing to do is contact a doc & see what they say. The insurance gals know what they are doing (hopefully) so maybe there is a way around this. I did buy a girdle to help with the "roll" I have. So annoying having that. Sure, it's gone down BUT it's still there. Rest of the stomach is hanging but not there. So when I wear jeans no matter if they aren't tight it looks as if they are. I tried it on last night with a pair of jeans & yes the roll is gone with it on. Hate those things! I remember the days of girdles & nylons, except there weren't legs in my girdle & it cut off the circulation. At least this one has legs. Insomnia has been at me again lately, 3 a.m. seems to be my wake up call, this has been going on for a week now. By 8 p.m. can't keep my eyes open! Know it should be moving on for me sure hope it's soon. I will be back babysitting next week, Chuck found out that he has been called back to work. That's good, am short of money...lol...when aren't I? I did read on OH Events there will be a convention in Denver in July so would really like to go to it. In May there is one in the Twin Cities..maybe I could make that a runaway weekend since Katie will still be in school. I did call SIL parents last night to see if dad was there yet or not, he was going to visit one of her brother's then go over there. Must be at the brother's yet as Betty hadn't seen him yet. Wish he would call!!! She said she would have him call me when he got there. Ok time to get off of here!





12/28/04
I can't belive it's been a year ago today since my heart attack! How much better I feel this year compared to last year. Especially comparing pictures, I almost have to laught at myself! I have put together pictures starting last Christmas to date & sent them to dad so he can show my SIL. Every time I talk to him he'll ask how much have I lost then tell Donna. Telling & seeing are 2 different things. Yesterday would have been mom's b'day. Time does heal but my hurt has never gone away. I have sent in new pic, down 80 lbs now, only 35 to go. Hard to believe!!! I want to hit goal before my year checkup which is in April. I have been averaging a 10 lb weight loss per month. So if this keeps up will be at goal by then. Actually would like to be 10 lbs under goal so I have some room for gains although I'm praying not to have that problem. Til next time!


1/5/05
Happy New Year a few days late! Reflecting over the past year certainly brought alot of changes. I'm down 80 lbs compared to last year. The only prescription meds I'm on are for heart, pepcid (surgeon puts all of us on them after surgery), cholestrol. Hell of a difference comparing last year at 16 meds in the morning 8 at night! I put together a "journey" photo album & sent one of them down to my dad. My SIL is sooooo amazed. She has gained alot of weight over the years & she is going to check with her doc about a surgeon referral. Dad told her the pictures aren't even doing justice she would have to see me to believe it! Donna told me he brags about me all the time! Thanks dad:) It's cold & snowing school is suppose to be 2 hrs late but I'm really debating about sending Katie as she has to ride the bus 10 miles to middle school. In the past few minutes we've had sleet. What is wrong with these people with wind chills way below zero & this weather isn't fit to be out in? I have kept her home before as I have felt it isn't safe to be on the bus. Bet they dismiss early today or will cancel all together. Was to nice for to long & this is Iowa!




1/16/05
Brrr it's cold & with all that extra body fat gone it's hard for me to keep warm! Who would have ever thought? Been holding the weight at 185. NOW that is an accomplishment in itself. When I graduated from high school I weighed 180 lbs!!! That was 1973!!! I never in my life imagined I would weigh even close to that weight ever again. On the down side of life my daughter in laws dad was taken to the hospital yesterday morning. The odds of him making it aren't good. He's such a nice man. So life is on hold around here in a way as I'm on stand-by to babysit "just in case". OOPS upside again! I stopped by Catherine's ("fat" ladies store) & saw Maria (also WLS) she looks fantastic! I haven't seen her since summer. NOW this is unbelievable for me, I can't shop for myself in the store anymore!!! Everything is TO BIG I just can't believe it. All my life it's been shops I can't buy in cuz clothes are to small this has to be a first that clothes are to big! I LOVE IT!! So it's been a roller coaster this week. Another upside was WalMart has the sewing machine I want on clearance, just hope my taxes get back fast enough for me to get one. I have alot of family reunion wall hangings to get started on. I want to make each of the families a family tree wall hanging. Reunion is next year, but lol it takes me awhile & I will have to make at least 30 of them. Also found those on clearance & have ordered some stuff off of ebay as well. I also am going to make my grandkids a quilt & would like to do a memory quilt for Katie. I have just started doing the tie blankets with the fleece material & doing my embroidery work enjoying every minute of it. What a difference a year has made.














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1/28/05
Andrea,photographer from the Des Moines Register spent the day with us. We had alot of fun together. We visited my childhood doc & had pics with him. He was the one I went to in high school for a diet etc etc etc. From there we went to Katie's school where she was able to get pics of Katie with friends & she also visited in one of her classes. One of the stories they are running will be on Katie with Childhood Obesity. We came back to town grabbed a bite to eat then returned to doc's. In the evening we got some photos of me on the floor with the grandkids (which in the past I could have never gotten up off the floor without calling the fire & rescue squad to help me up!) then off to the Dwelling she went with Katie & friends. Katie & friend Amie had also shown us a few dance routine's they had made up. Andrea may be back for more pics.story (on me will start on Feb. 13th. This has been loads of fun for both Katie & myself. Time to clean the house AGAIN!

2/01/05
On Sunday The Dwelling (teen center) had a Free Will Breakfast. I was in "charge" of the kids & we had a lot of fun. Actually I don't know what was more fun helping the kids OR hearing comments from people that said they didn't recognize me they had to ask so & so who I was! What a wonderful feeling this was. Seeing some classmates did the heart good also, these were the "skinny" B***** in school & OH MY they are FAT now! And I'm loving it!!! Shame on me! NOT!! I kept thinking to myself how a year ago I wouldn't have been able to keep the pace I was at on Sunday. I would have had to sit down due to fatigue. This year I sat to visit & that was only just a minute or 2 then I was back at it. Not only that helped with kitchen clean-up which wasn't something I had to do but just had the energy to do. Oh ya, I was given a t shirt so automatically took the xl BUT it was to big!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSS!!!! Katie is getting bent out of shape about people coming up to me with compliments, she wants surgery so bad, but I don't feel that's an option for her right now. Instead I'm guiding her to eat healthier & remind her (gently) that the choices she makes & helpings she has are reflecting her weight. I know she is using food as I did as a crutch. She is far from being ready for surgery & at 13 she still has a few years yet before I would feel comfortable letting her go thru with surgery. I would probably feel better if she would watch her food choices & was making an effort but I'm not seeing the effort yet.
My SIL would also like to have surgery but finding she isn't ready to give up Big Mac's & all the junk food she inhales all the time. We have talked about this & she just isn't ready mentally to take such a big step in life. Surgery isn't for everyone I realize & the lifelong commitment isn't for everyone. I only have 15 lbs til I reach my century mark. I've been on a plateau since Xmas & getting upset with it. My year anniversary is coming up in another 2 months & damn I wanted to be at goal by that time. Don't see it happening. But with luck maybe the century mark? Going to work my ass of to hit it. Katie, a friend of her's & I are walking at the gym in the mornings now so maybe this will shake something loose!! I'm not suppose to inhale the cold (heart) so walking inside is the next best thing. We are in for a warm up this week so am anxious to get outside to do some real walking. Nothing better than fresh air & walking.:) Til next time:):):)

2/7/05
Yesterday was a rough day, 23 years have passed now since my youngest brother was killed. Still seems like yesterday. Suppose it didn't help that we had freezing rain for several hours turning to snow. I didn't venture out except to go next door to watch the grandkids for a few hours. On a lighter note our church makes SuperBowl Sunday Subs that are out of this world. I took mine off the bun & ate about 1/2 the meat for supper last night. Oh it was soooooo good. Roast beef, ham & 2 different cheeses. Will have the rest of the meat today. Good thing Max woke me up early my grandson is up wandering around so had to call over & let the kids know. He's been having a problem (age 3) of waking up during the middle of the night. We are so afraid he will put on his coat & boots & go outside. LOL nana won't let him nap in hopes it will help him sleep at night. He has a dr's appt tomorrow maybe they can get to the bottom of this! My weight is doing the bouncing thing yet, up a few down a few. Hopefully this will pass soon so I can get into the 170's. Little over 2 months will be my year anniversary & I want so bad to be at the century mark with just pounds to go til my goal. Will it ever happen? Or will I be stuck here for the rest of my life? Beginning to wonder....

2/11/05
I finally was able to connect with my PC. The times when I could see him he was booked the times he could see me I couldn't. I despise the local doc for the misinfo he gave me & how he didn't answer questions BUT the biggest thing was how he put me back on ACTOS cuz my sugars had gone to 134! That lasted 2 days since my sugars crashed. Anyway back to the story. Don (PA) was sitting at his desk when I was taken back to weigh. We said hi to each other. He came into the room & said he didn't recognize the "skinny" woman that came down the hall. He is sooo pleased with my progress, had to hug me up several times & tell me how proud he is of me. Made my day:) I told him what had happened with the doc & how upset I was. I told him I had flushed the Actos & refused to go there again which he agreed as my sugars were not out of control. Got my blood work-up again hoping that maybe I can drop the lipitor was really close the last time. Anyway, I asked him about the heart meds & if I should be seeing the cardio doc again. It has been a year now & he agreed that I should be going in for a followup. Told him Jeff (dr) said I would be on the meds for the rest of my life & how he ignored my request to see cardio dr. Also told him I had asked Jeff to run ferritin test & how he had said to me, Were you iron deficient before surgery? My answer was no & he told me not to worry about it! Don about fell over. He told me how important it was to run ferritin AND electrolytes so that was done in my blood work also. I have an appt with the cardio dr in March that Don set up for me. One thing about Don he takes time to answer questions & if he doesn't know the answers he will find out & let you know. More than I can say for the "dr" at our clinic. I will drive the 30 miles to the satellite office to see Don. Blood results should be back within the next few days. I am anxious to see them, would love to drop another med! OH is also looking for stories on childhood obesity so I emailed Jonathan & told him about Katie & how she had interviewed with DM Register. They are going to do a phone interview with her on the 21st. DM Register has us on hold with our stories until March. Am anxiously waiting to see the stories although I know what is going to be in them. SC Journal also had story line last Sunday about a couple having surgery & I emailed them also. Til next time:)

2/13/05
I just had to much fun yesterday!:) Life for me began after surgery BUT I really feel like life began yesterday! Sounds funny but for the 1st time since surgery I had FUN & I had really forgotten how to do that over the years. Yes, I guess I'm a stick in the mud, being so fat for so long you get into the rut. I live in a small town so everyone knows everyone LOL & their business as well. A classmate of mine owns a bar, everyone meets there in the mornings for coffee & of course in the evenings they meet for drinks. "Scooter" always has fun things going on & yesterday was no exception. Every Saturday she has her famous hot dogs & polish sausage, her dad started this when he was alive. The bar was established in the 1940's & has always been family-friendly. Last weekend she had a Mardi Gra party, there is fish fry every Friday night for the next several weeks. Yesterday she had the 10th annual chili cookoff. I thought what the hell, I'll enter as everyone likes my chili, make it the same as my mom & her mom before her, nothing special. Although I didn't place I was a winner by having fun! Scooter was left in a bind 3 people had called in saying they couldn't make it to work. She has asked me in the past to be a bar maid but I had always refused, couldn't see the fat lady hustling drinks. Last night was Karaoke night so she knew she would be busy & she asked me to bar maid. I had just mentioned to my son I would love to go up & listen as I've never seen this before (yes sad but true!) but I wouldn't go to the bar by myself. I said ok I would do it & told Scooter I had never seen Karaoke before, she promised I would have fun & fun I had!! I haven't done any waitress work in over 20 yrs so it was like starting all over again. Once I relaxed I had so much fun! A lot of classmates (upper & lower) were there. I had a gal come up & hug me told me how fantastic I look (love those compliments!) & since I was looking so good everyone agreed I should have a "make-over" & color my hair, get rid of the grey! And she told me everyone was rooting for me on my success it was great to see me out & about & hoped they saw more of me. I really took this to heart. I don't go out at all except the errands uptown. I haven't drank in years & last night was no exception, stuck to water. I flirted, I laughed & raked in the tips! Couple of the guys asked me out lol their wives were sitting right there, I've known these guys all my life as well as their wives. All in fun of course. A couple of them offered to buy me drinks. There was alot of hugging from those I hadn't seen since surgery or just shortly afterward. Now the body is talking to me this morning, but it's a good feeling. I told Scooter to call me again to help out. One of the guys (use to babysit his wife) called the bartender over & told her how impressed he was with the service & according to her he NEVER hands out compliments. Several of them asked about my surgery. Yes, I will work again for Scooter. Tasting fun last night has put me up on cloud nine!:)
Katie's bio dad has been a real pain in the ass the past few days. He's a drunk which I've probably said before. Loren my hubby is a recovering alcolholic, he adopted Katie right after we married. Anyway Steve is on the big pitty party again. Part of the adoption agreement (Loren's idea) was that Katie would stay a part of Steve's life so she could know his family as well. Katie emailed him the other day & told him what was going on in her life & sent him a picture. He was upset with her picture, told her she looked like a doll & was upset (????) about what she was doing?! He lives 20 miles away but emails are cheaper than phone. He will do anything to pick a fight & this was no exception. Loren had a long talk with Katie (she's 13 now) & I did the same. All about drinking. Steve has held jobs he always was on work on time etc, I always thought of him as a "quiet alcolholic", he never missed worked due to his drinking. The past few years he's went thru jobs left & right just can't hold one. Of course being a drunk everyone but him is at fault. And of course I can't keep my mouth shut so I let him have it. He feels sorry for himself, nobody cares, he has so many problems. I told him to grow up & get himself into treatment that I wasn't playing the guilt trip with him & I refused to get into his cesspool. He wrote & said since nobody cared he was going to be gone soon. I'm sure it is a suicide threat & I actually have no feelings on it. I have felt he has been suicidal for some time now but I'm not going to feel responsible or guilty for his thoughts or actions. There were some nasty emails that have passed between us & out of plain orneriest I have fed into it. It only takes 2 people to sign him into treatment & I'm considering calling his sis & brother suggesting it. I know it won't do any good until he admits he has a problem & wants help. He's gone over the edge the past few years. I'm not going to let him drag Katie or myself down. I'm just afraid if he does commit suicide what kind of effect it will have on Katie. I really think now is the time to talk to her about the possibility of this. I wonder what the hell I ever saw in him???? We have known each other for 30 plus years seeing each other off & on during those years. I haven't wanted to have that much to do with him for the past year, I haven't seen him since June we have just talked on the phone & emailed. I have no feelings for him whatsoever & the only reason for contact was for Katie. Neither of us need a drunk in our lives, one that sits around (he lost his job last year) & feels sorry for himself drowning his problems in booze. And the saga continues.......
2/19/05
Wow what a week!:) I'm now strawberry blond with some frost thru the hair. The compliments keep rolling in. Sometimes this is a bit overwhelming, but what encouragement it has been. Scooter asked if I could help in the kitchen, I will be filling in for my neighbor who has broken her ankle. I found I really have the willpower going for me. Before surgery I would have been nibbling all night. I took a bite of a french fry & threw the rest out. Holds no passions for me anymore. Can't believe I'm saying that! Didn't care for the taste. In fact nothing appealed to me. I grabbed a bowl of cottage cheese with some lettuce & called it quits. Drank tons of water. Lol I get my water in better when I'm working than I do around the house. So for the next few weekends will be in the kitchen. Scooter & I work well together so that is a big plus as well. We go a long way back, to school days. I'm prouder of me now-a-days & it shows in my walk & my attitude. I even bid on line dancing tapes from ebay. Good exercise:) Figured this is something good for Katie & I to do together. Got 3 tapes for $6.99 so thought that was a good bargain, especially 2 of them brand new. Gosh, what's next?! ROFL...
3/5/05
Tomorrow my feature story will be in the Des Moines Register. I'm really excited! Not the only reason for excitement, am I jinxing myself now by writing this?! I hit 179 pounds!! Jumping up & down, FINALLY broke the 180's been a long time with those numbers. Was beginning to think I was going to be stuck there for life. Got up yesterday morning & noticed my jeans were getting baggy, those size 16 Jr's I've been so proud of. I went to CATO's & bought 2 pair of size 14's! OMG can't believe it! Although the weight had stalled out the inches are going so am ok with that although it's depressing seeing the scale sit on same numbers. I also bought 3 t-shirt tops but they are to short. Only paid $1.99 for them so figure what the heck they work for night shirts. Yes, things are turning around for the better, do I dare say that? Is this the calm before the storm with good things? Sure hope not. I have looked at single/double wides hoping to improve myself in housing dept. The kids bid on the house was accepted I have filled out online application to assume their loan. Their's is 16x80 mine is 14x70. Keeping options open, I contacted owner of our park asking if he would be interested buying mine in case I can't get financing for new home. Think I'll even buy lottery ticket today, one never knows. Right now would be happy with $100,000 winning! Could get the double wide I fell madly in love with! In my dreams I know but dreams don't cost money. So tomorrow my story will run in the paper & Katie's story will be on the 7th. Pretty excited about this. Andrea filled 2 digital cam cards taking pics so will be interesting to see which one's are used. I have also added a www site with my journey of pics can't believe what a difference a year has made. Life is good:)
3/6/05
The story was fantastic & I have been getting some nice positive emails.:) Haven't been downtown for a paper yet just online. Need to get there & buy one! Thanks to the Des Moines Register staff for getting WLS out to the public. More positive education needs to be written about WLS.

3/15/05
So much happening the past few days. Is it possible mom has been gone 10 yrs already (today) doesn't seem possible. Have a feeling she's looking down cheering me on! I FINALLY hit the 170's, well bouncing back & forth again 178-180 but at least the scales have moved & dropping to a size 14 makes me feel REALLY GOOD:) Looked at a house on Sunday, fell in love with it, kind of in the old neighborhood haven't been in it since I was a little girl, wasn't much then BUT the work done to it has made it so cute. Still waiting on the banker to hear what my interest rates are going to be. Been kind of chilly in here as my furnace went out! Motor has taken a crap on me...getting a new one today. Dad has been dreading the trip home so I mentioned to him I could get a ticket cheap to fly down & come back with him & he didn't put up a fuss so knew he wanted the company. All the family vacations he always did all the driving so not sure if I'll drive or not but will be fun to have some time to ourselves. I leave the 29th & we'll be home that weekend. I was at doc's last night to take up the DM Register, haven't seen him for about 6 weeks told me I'm melting away & how proud he was of me etc etc etc. I no sooner left & he called dad telling him all of this! Doc is happy I'm flying down & joining dad. I'm excited about "running away" for a few days also. LOL think his eyeballs are going to pop out when he sees me, have lost 25-30 lbs since he left! He even said he wasn't sure if he would recognize me! Will be so good to see dad again, been missing him & he's even admitted to being homesick! Goals this week are getting in more water, been drinking fruit 2o & that takes away the sweet cravings. Exercise more not just chasing after Lars! And get my carpets cleaned. Sounds like the park owner just may buy my place! So need to get that done. Gets a little overwhelming on some days. Oh & the size 14's are getting a little loose already! Oh my who would have ever believed that would happen? Especially when my daughter-in-law wears a 12!!! Won't be long I'll be caught up with her!
3/16/05
Another sleepless night, think I'm going to have to ask for something to help me sleep. Gosh, would think it was a year ago with the insomnia! Holding 178 lbs, so think I can say I'm officially in the 170's!:) I talked to Janet yesterday about borrowing some clothes, especially capri's for my trip. Believe buying underwear is going to break me! Down to a size 7 in those, can't even remember wearing that size! Believe I could fit into 13 jeans 14's are getting loose, but 12's to small yet. I can't believe it! Sometimes I stare at myself in the mirror & wonder is this really me? It's hard for the mind to catch up. Don't ever let anyone tell you differently it's very true, you loose the weight so fast your mind doesn't catch up for a long time. I still find myself going to the "fat ladies" side for my clothes. Then it dawns on me I don't belong there. It's a wonderful feeling, BUT it is confusing to the mind also. Your mind set is still in the 3 & 4x clothing, 28-32 jeans. Then I move to the smaller sizes, looking in the Jr clothing also & I feel like everyone is staring & saying what is SHE doing in that size clothing?! Mind games! Who would ever thought it would be that way? I can't wait to see dad's face when he sees me, should be a real Kodak moment! Think I'm down around 30 lbs since he left. I'm still having people calling or stopping me about the story in the paper. Been a bit overwhelming! I'm hoping the story helped just one person understand better what we go thru & that surgery is NOT a cop out...there will always be those out there who will judge & think that's the way it is, but they can go to hell. Don't judge me til you've walked in my shoes! Have a good day:)

3/21/05
Til I looked at the date I forgot yesterday was my 11 month anniversary! Ok, can I really say it? I'm down 90 lbs!!!! Within another 10 lbs my BMI will be at "ideal". Who would have ever thought?! AND I'm only 25 lbs from my goal now. Won't Dr. Shinnerl be surprised?! I haven't seen him since my 6 month anniversary. I didn't need to go back to him unless I was having any problems. I do all my blood work with the clinic here & everything is fine. Not to jinx myself but I feel I'm one of the lucky ones being complication free, with the exception of the "leak" which Dr. S wonders if it was really a leak. I encourage all to keep their blood work done, mine is done every 3 months. I don't want something to go wrong & be so far gone that it will be harder to correct. I also got my medical bracelet from makemethis.com & I have to say it's right up there. Nothing fancy of course didn't want that. Fancy bracelets may not be read by a paramedic. The five lines I had engraved on it was only $6.45. I have been wearing it all times & it doesn't tarnish so am very happy with it. LOL...I'm a gold person and the bracelet is silver but I can live with it. I'm looking forward to a dance that's going to be here next month, the original group "The Senders" will be playing! I have been to hear them before & they are great, this time I may even hit the dance floor! Tickets are $5 before or $7 at the door so very reasonably priced. Our local race car drivers are sponsering the dance. Oh what fun:)

3/23/05
I just had an upsetting email. Upsetting to me that is. It says that Dr. Shinnerl is leaving:( From what I understand he's gone in May. I was going to call today to set up my appt for my year anniversary then time got away from me. Will do this tomorrow & see what is going on. Wonder if he is going back to California? My realtor called twice today, he knows how much I want this house. He's going to try to find someone to buy my mobile home. Every once in a while he comes across someone. That would be great if he could. Kevin still hasn't been here to look. I'm getting anxious now. Seems like everything happening at once. LOL...me with the boring life then all of the sudden I have a million things going on! My size 14 jeans are getting lose on me going to try on those 12's see how close I am to getting into those. I don't remember ever wearing a size 12!! When I lost all the weight in high school it was 14/16's. This would be a wow moment for sure!

3/28/05
Blasted scales! Bouncing between 178 & 180 thought I had shook the 180's but guess not. I'm leaving for Omaha today will fly out tomorrow for Tampa. Dad says we'll start home on Thursday morning so will be home sometime over the weekend. Won't like eating out all the time, I've been mentally preparing myself for a weight gain. Guess it's pretty typical. Just what I need is extra pounds! I tried on the size 12 jeans, getting closer. Janet's clothes now were a different story, either way to big or small. I can't believe the difference in clothes, especially jeans. They say size 16 & they are more like 12's on me. Depends on the brand. I have my biggest trouble in the legs it seems. My legs are like twigs so it's hard to find a pair of jeans that aren't baggy on me. I don't like them tight but like a nice fit. The school nurse gave me 2 bags of clothes, really nice ones. There was the cutest jumper she gave me & it fits nicely. I'm thinking of wearing it on the plane trip, will see what kind of mood I'm in! It was really slimming. Had a dream last night that dad is waiting for me & he doesn't recognize me! I'm so anxious to see him. Seems like he's been away forever. Will write more when I'm back:)
4/3/05
Had a wonderful trip, what was so wonderful? Not having to ask for an extension for the plane seatbelt!!! And fitting down the aisle with no problem...what a difference since the last time I flew. Dad didn't recognize me! He made eye contact with me then kept looking for me!! He thinks I've lost enough weight now but I still have another 25-30 to go til goal. Would like the 30 off so I have some play room. Had a smooth flight down there. The drive home we hit the usual construction but Atlanta was having a downpour I just about pulled off the road. East St. Louis was the regular nightmare. My sis in law's eyes about popped out when she saw me as did the other family members. Felt good the whole trip except I put on 5 lbs, I've lost 3 of them so far. Figured that would happen so wasn't upset when I saw it, just screamed when I weighed! In just a few weeks will be my year anniversary hard to believe it's just right around the corner. Going to work hard at hitting the low 170's or at 170 by the time I go in. The weather is suppose to be nice all week time to pull out the bike & ride it & start walking again. Love spring & the fall.
4/13/05
Took off the 5 lbs in a few days. Been a roller coaster ride here. My step-son was killed, the investigating officer said it was an accident the ME says suicide by a 12 gauge shotgun. THEN the couple accepted the bid on the house & we set June 6th as closing date. Jash (pronounced Josh) was killed last week & that night the realtor was here. I'm just now starting to get excited about the house. Been in shock all week with Jash. I still believe it was an accident.
The good news is I'm at 174 lbs as of this morning. Just a few more lbs to goal. Of course wanted to be at goal for my 1 yr anniversary but that's not going to happen! But I'll be close. I'm working again this weekend & that helps mentally. Now I really need the money!! My best friend Beth thinks I've lost enough weight also but I want to shake those extra lbs. I'm feeling good wearing a size 14 & those jeans are beginning to loosen up a bit also. Think I'll try on those 12's this morning for the hell of it. I was getting closer to wearing them just a week ago. Try them on every couple of weeks. Need to schedule my year appt.
4/20/05
Today is my re-birthday! I can't believe it's been a year already! Still at 174, will have to shake that soon...lol. Goal weight is 150 so I'm soooooo close. And I will do it. Being a slow loser I had a lot of up's & down's questions, plateau's etc. Thanks to Janet I made it thru all of this. Now I try to be positive to other's going thru the same. I see Dr. Shinnerl next week for my year checkup. Have to remember to take my camera. He will be leaving us going to Utah:( How I hate that. In my book he's my hero for leading me down the right path. LOL I did the work but he gave me the jump start for a whole new life! Think I could probably fit into size 13 jeans now, 14's are a little baggy the 12's are snug yet. Who would have ever thought? From my super size of 4x/size 52 (men's) jeans to a size 14?! I feel so much better, physically & mentally. Only wish I had done this long ago!
4/27/05
Was suppose to have my year checkup yesterday but Dr. S was in surgery so had to cancel out. Will re-schedule for next week. That's ok maybe I can lose some more weight?! Loren told me yesterday that I've lost enough now & he's worried I'll lose to much. Told him still had 20 pounds to lose yet. He doesn't think so. Think he's looking at my legs which are thin anyway & not the belly! Even when I was so fat my legs never went with the rest of my body! Keep telling him nothing to worry about, I just want to get to goal weight then I'll be happy. So close now, it almost gets to be an obsession with me. So does the size 12 jeans! I'm going in to get my hair re-colored this morning, the grey's are coming back. It's funny looking back now how I let myself go. Now I look forward to going to coffee in the morning. It isn't an effort to do things like it was before surgery. I'm taking more pride in myself & looks. Mentally this surgery has done wonders for me. Hope all the pre-ops that read the journals will feel the same!
5/25/05
Since I last posted I have seen Dr. Shinnerl who is so pleased with my weight loss, he wouldn't be this week though. A lot of hugging & tears as he is leaving this weekend for Utah...going to miss him. I also saw Dr. Zachek the cardio dr & have been given a clean bill of health from him also. No need to see him for 18 months unless I start having problems. I found out that when I had my heart attack that I was on the post critical ward which I didn't know at the time. He also said had I went on the treadmill I would have had another heart attack & it probably would have been fatal. He was amazed at the weight loss & attributes the loss for a lot healthier heart. Now to quit smoking...
I've been stressing bad & have gained 5 lbs this week which is sooo depressing. Feel like I'm out of control here. Know I'm not eating right & not exercising. Eating to much is more like it. And not sleeping either due to the stress. I will get back on the right track stress IS NOT going to take my old life back.
6/28/05
Shame on me for not posting in such a long time. I quit stressing, the house just wasn't meant to be. Nothing I can do about it so let it go. I'm still battling the 170's been up & down with them for such a long time. But I was stupid, it was my own fault eating the wrong foods. Well enough of that! I will beat this yet! This morning weighed in at 171, I have been bouncing from that weight to 175 for way to long. The 160's are really in site so with some dicipline I will get into the 160's soon. Tonight is a big night my best friend & I are going to the Moody Blues Concert but first eating at Famous Dave's, known for their bbq ribs. I'm really addicted to ribs it seems, just love them. She kids me about being a cheap "date", 2 plates pay for one meal! Going to be better about keeping up my profile:)
6/2/05
The concert was sooooo good, is there another one soon? I loved it! And those ribs at Famous Dave's were out of this world:):):) The whole night was great & of course being with my best friend made it even better:) Do I dare say this aloud? This morning stepped on the scale to see 169 lbs!!!!! OHHHH MYYYYYY does this mean I'm finally going to start losing again? Does this mean I'm really only 4 lbs from the century mark??? Even closer to goal if I'm really hitting the 160's as 150 is my goal weight. I've been doing alot of thinking lately & believe I'm going to make an appointment with the plastic surgeon. Not trying to be vain about it BUT I want a flat tummy, want to get rid of the roll. Only wish I could do a whole body lift as my arms are so gross & so are the legs. Yesterday a friend was here & we took the kids to the pool, rollin up the pant legs & t shirt (arms) could really see the sagging. Well have made up my mind I DON'T CARE what people think about the sagging going on. I'm proud of what I've done & if they don't like the looks of the sagging that's THEIR problem not mine. Swimming is great exercise not to mention is good for the fibro also. So going to toss away the fact I'm sagging all over but going to enjoy myself. After all there are people out there in worse shape than me from the skin problems. Time for blood work again so need to make an appointment about that also.
6/5/05
Saw Amber the other day, she didn't recognize me when I came into the store!! I haven't seen her in a year. She is 3 yrs out said she has gained 20 lbs in the past year & needs to get back to her exercising. It scarey to think how fast the weight can come back. Gave her the name of the PS that takes title 19 she needs plastic also. Saw my x-daughter-in-laws aunt that is visiting from CA, she yells OH MY GOD! when she saw me. Should say after her mom tells her who I am. Have I changed that much? I have lot of people tell me I don't need to lose any more weight that I'm thin enough, but I don't think that way not until I hit goal weight. Beth says my legs are sooooo skinny hahaha she hates me for it....know she doesn't mean it. Don't believe I'm obessed with losing more, I just want to be at goal. I went back to 172 again so am frustrated. Bought some more protein drink, need to buy the powdered instead 4 cans for almost $6 is to expensive. But they help. Quiet 4th here, Katie at her dad's the boys spending the 4th with their out-laws. I went to LeMars & also did dad's laundry. Such an exciting life! Like my quiet time by myself get things done.
6/20/05
Well my scale is a game player!! I stepped on it the other day said I had gained 20 lbs!!!???? Stepped on it again said I had lost 10 of the 20 so waited til the next morning & it was where I've pretty much been at 171. I need to go to the dr's office to get a true weigh in I guess. Was suppose to go in for my blood workup last week but had rode to Rochester with a friend & ended up spending the night there which we hadn't planned on. Her boyfriend needed a cat scan/consult. So had to cancel my appt. Need to re-schedule this. I'm feeling great & am hoping that my weight is down like it should be.
Still wearing size 14 so nothing has changed in that aspect. Just keep plugging away:)
12/27/05
I can't believe it's been so long since I've profiled. Not much has changed, still in the 170's 175 to be specific. I haven't given up on losing more but basically have accepted that will be my weight. And I'm ok with that. Christmas was so much fun this year. There are some family friends I haven't seen since surgery. Had to be re-introduced to them!!! And these gals held me when I was a newborn!!! Love those wow moments. My blood tests have been good on a whole but this last time my calcium was down a tad. I'm feeling good & a lot more active than I was even a year ago. Happy New Years!:)
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How much do you weigh?185pounds

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Profile created by BraNdi on 9-08-04
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Photos

265
Christmas 2003
185
May 2005, 11 months after surgery.


Hospital Reviews
  • (Cherokee, IA) - Sioux Valley Memorial Hospital


    • Member Interests:
  • Dogs - I have a spoiled (isn't that what we are to suppose to do?!) Shih Tzu, Max

  • Needlework, Knitting & Crocheting - I'm embroidering a Family Tree right now for our Family Reunion next summer.

  • Meeting People - I have been chatting for over 5 yrs in ADD room & have met over 100 ppl

  • Cooking & Baking - Looking at me you can tell I love the kitchen!!!

  • Sewing - Best known for sewing quillows, fast & easy!

  • Volunteerism - Volunteer at the nursing home when needed & at school reading to the little ones

  • Genealogy & Family History - Have been Pres. of our Family Reunion Committee for 10 years! Anyone need hints?

  • Organizations - OES, Middle School Booster Club, Booster Club for our school

  • Road Trips - Love to travel & look forward to trip to Denver for our Reunion.

  • E-Bay - My kids call me the E-bay queen! Love shopping or looking.


    • Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.

    Surgeon Info:
    Surgeon: Roger Shinnerl
    I met with Dr. Shinnerl on 3/19/04. He is the absolute greatest!:) He spent over 2 hours with me, talking & exam. Sherry, his office manager is really an upbeat person & you don't feel put off by her at all, she is friendly at all times:) And Jo Dr.'s nurse if FANTASTIC, such kind help in his office. I would recommend Dr. Shinnerl to anyone considering surgery. He is kind & patient & most important VERY UNDERSTANDING. Due to me having a mild heart attack in Dec. he has decided to perform surgery in Sioux City. I had my choice of hospitals & I chose Mercy, they have a brand new bariatric wing. Dr. Shinnerl also said HE would be the one visiting me daily also, which will be around 60 miles one way for him. Dr. Shinnerl has a 10 PLUS rating from me.
    Insurer Info:
    Title 19
    I was really disappointed in Ia. Foundation. The lady that reviews our paperwork before passing onto surgeon saw my highest weight of 395 lbs. What she didn't do was look at the year of this weight. This was in the 1970's when I was a teen & was able to lose 160 lbs.! That number jumped out at her so I was told that since I had lost that much weight I didn't need surgery, I wasn't committed enough to have surgery. She said this wasn't denial but a "re-review" for me. I called her & was told this & said she should have read what years these were! I called her yesterday 12/12/03 & my papers weren't there as of yet. Dr. Harris' nurse was getting everything ready to send to them. This time I had 2 letters, one from my PA & 1 from primary doc. I also attached my meds & price that state pays every month to keep me alive, $1129.04!!! I wrote a letter also, Sheila said write it from the heart which I did. Hopefully now they will take a better look at me & see that I need the surgery in order to live. Both doc's have stated such as well. Marilyn from Ia. Foundation is a nice, patient person who probably has to much on her plate. The first answer came within 10 days from the doc. I'm sure she is the "punching bag" for the doc's that do the actual reviews & denials. I have to say that Marilyn has been very helpful to me & even though I have been very persistent she doesn't seem annoyed with my calling.