ObesityHelp

I am a 25 year old mother of 2 beautiful young boys who hopes surgery will be an option for me. I have been heavy since puberty and am tired of the continuous weight gain. I am now 275pds and 5 foot 3inches. I find myself closing my boys and I up in our apartment and can't continue to make them suffer! I can also get pretty moody. I have no energy, can't sleep well, knees hurt, heel pain in both feet, numbness in hands and fingers, and constant headaches. I have tried Slim Fast, Atkins Diet, Re-Dux, Dexatrim, Power Ryder, Total Gym, fasting, liquid diets, etc. I am tired of losing 10 pounds only to gain 20! Drastic circumstances need drastic measures! I am only 25 and feel 50. I want to live life with my children and set a good example. I don't want to wait until it's a matter of life or death, even though it already pretty much is. I feel like I die a little each day being trapped in this ugly, heavy body. And it kills me to see my little ones watch me do it. I will succeed with this given the opportunity! God just give me a chance!


Sept 3, 03
I just had a consult with my PCP and he feels that I am a good candidate for Gastric Bypass Surgery. He refered me to Dr. Stefan Pettine of Fort Collins CO. SO I guess tomorrow I will call the surgeon and make an appointment. I am surprised at how I feel right now, it's kind of a shock to me, like a slap in the face that this is real and I am overweight enough to need surgery. I wasn't scared before, but now it is reality. I am feeling a mixture of sadness and excitement. Sad because I have allowed myself to get to this point, and excited that this surgery could improve every aspect of my life. I also have gained 3 pounds:( since my last post! I will write more tomorrow when I schedule an appointment with the surgeon.

Sept 14, 03
Well, I got real scared because I have read a lot about the lack of test studies on people who had WLS and how it affected them throughout their lives. I have researched that nobody wants to talk about the fact that 5, 10, or 20 years from now I could have a complication from the surgery and die! Even if I survive the surgery itself there is still a good chance that I could die at anytime in the future from a leak or obstruction. And I am so afraid for all these people on this web-site that have had WLS who may not be around in the future. And it's not like I haven't researched, I got home from my appt. with my doctor and searched for any and all info on risks of surgery and long-term effects for days! And was so scared that I might have done this to myself. I mean really all you have to do to lose weight is want something bad enough and keep in mind who you are doing it for. For me it is my two boys who mean more to me than the food I put in my body. So, since Sept 8th I have been on the Atkins Diet...
I am very proud to announce that I was 278 and as of today, Sept 14th I am 257 pounds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have lost 21 pounds in less than a week!!!!!!
I eat all I want, no sugar, grains, cornstarch. Only meat, eggs, cheese, olives, cabbage, mayo, green beans, lettuce, sour cream, sugar-free Jello, whipping cream, half n half, de-caf coffee and tea, etc...You just have to stay under 20 grams of net carbs a day! After 5 days, my cravings for bread and sweets stopped! Now I look at a chocolate cake as if it were a chair! I just do want it anymore! I figure that with the WLS it just restricts what you eat and prevents you from eating sweets, so if I just have the determination to eat what is good for me and don't eat sweets I will lose weight! If I can't do this, I would never be able to have WLS. AND if I ever really want to eat something sweet, I can without the DUMPING SYNDROME to make me sick! If you are thinking of surgery, just please consider this risks and research,research, research! I personally believe that I can do it another way. It is a very personal choice, and chose not to got though with it. I will post my weightloss every week and let everyone know how great I am doing! If anyone wants to know more about the Atkins Diet please feel free to e-mail me.

Sept 29,03
It is another Monday and I have not cheated once on my diet. I now weigh 249! Since the beginning of this month, I have lost almost 30 pounds! I have lost 29 pounds!!!! I will update more in a week or two. My B-Day is in 2 weeks, so maybe then. I hope to be 240 by then!

Oct 17, 03
I know it's not a Monday but I had to write now that I have the chance. It's a Friday! Thank god for the weekend! Anyway I wanted to write in that I am now weighing 235! I have lost 43 pounds in not even 2 months and I feel great! You would think that I wouldn't feel well dropping so much weight so quick but I do! I will write in again at the end of the month. I hope that then I will be at atleast 230!? We will see. I also wanted to tell everyone that my BMI was 49.8 and now it's 41.6!!!Yea!!

Nov 5, 03
Just a quick update...I am now 229! My leather coat that almost didn't fit me last year now drapes around me like a robe! How cool is that!!! I am so happy! People are telling me left and right that I look great, and boy do I feel great! I have lost 49 pounds!! I will write more around Thanksgiving, maybe I will be 220 by then!!

Nov 21, 03
Well it has been a little more than 2 weeks since my last update and I am proud to announce that I now weigh 221! My goal for the month was to get to 220 so I only have one more pound to lose and I still have a week to do it! I am no longer in size 26-28w I can not fit comfortably in a size 8 1/2 shoe-I was a 10 before, my size 9 rings on my fingers are now loose and almost fall off, and I wear a size 20 jeans comfortably! Wow huh! My feet don't hurt anymore, my knees hurt every once in a while, I sleep great every night and no more headaches (unless the kids are driving me crazy)!!! Isn't that great! AND... my BMI was 49.8 and is now.....39.1!!!!! It has lowered more than 10 points!
I will update more after Thanksgiving!

Jan 15, 03
It has been a while since I updated last. Sorry, been busy. I am weighing in at 215 nowadays. My weightloss has been slower because I cheated on X-Mas and had dinner with my family and I cheated on New Years and had Chinese food and alcohol. But I plan to stick to my diet and be good now! So, my goal for the end of the month is 210. If I can lose another 5 pounds by the end of the month that for me will be a healthy goal. I will update at the end of the month. And by the way...my BMI is now 38.1!!!!!! I was 49.8 at the start and I have lost more than 14 inches around my waist!

November 5, 04
Wow, it's been awhile since my last update. And I have to say that I am pretty depressed that I couldn't stay at the 215 pound mark. Actually I am right back up their at 270 again. I guess I lost my motivation. I figured that since I had done so well that I could go off of the Atkins Diet for a little while and eat some of what I wanted. I soon found myself gaining a little here and there and telling myself "oh it's just five pounds I can lose that right away easily if I go back to my diet", but I never did and now I have eaten myself right back to where I started. And I am so unhappy. I have started to research WLS again and have been going to support group meetings in my area to see how the people who have had it are doing with it. So far I have seen lots of good results. I have however gotten very little support from my boyfriend which is also my children's father. We have been together for 6 years now. Anyway, we were shopping at Wal-mart this evening with the kids and looking at all the Christmas stuff that they had up and talking about Christmas plans and Steve(my boyfriend) told our oldest son (who is only 4 by the way) that this might be moms last Christmas. Steve thought it was funny and my 4 yr old got upset and was going to start crying! I just stopped and gave him a dirty look and he then said he was just kidding and my son stoppped getting upset. And I said,"What is your problem, do you have to upset the kids?" He said,"Well your probably going to get that surgery so you probably won't be around." He changes his mind back and forth all the time. One minute he will be supportive of my failed diets and then other times when he knows I am dieting he will tease me. And then he tells me to have some will-power. I told him that he should quit smoking cold-turkey and then a week later be placed in a room full of smokers and see how tempted he is. I really do love him, but lately we act like friends. We hardly ever kiss, we never hold hands or even sit near each other. And we definitely don't ever make love anymore. He always pushes me away. I have been pretty depressed lately and don't like where I am in life. I feel like I am a failure at everything. A failure to my kids, my boyfriend, my mother (who tells me often that she always wanted more for me in life), and especially myself. I think about suicide daily but could never go through with it for the sake of my babies. I feel at this point surgery, even with all the risks could be a blessing in disguise. I figure I could continue on like I have been and continue to be depressed, tired and locked away from the world, or I could take a chance and put all my faith in God and have the surgery and do all the things I so badly want to do in life. What good am I to my children like this? Sure I show them love and kiss and hug them and spend time with them but we never go outside, we never open the curtains, and we stay in our pajamas all day long. What kind of life is that for them? What about when my oldest goes to school? All the kids will tease him for having a fat mommy. I know when I was a kid I saw many kids being teased for having fat parents! I want more for them because I love them, and I want them to have a life. Not be punished because of me and my choice to live this way. I really believe that with this surgery I have so much more to gain(no pun intended) in life and so do my boys. I have filled out all my paperwork for the initial consultation and sent it all in. I was told that I was placed on the waiting list in the early weeks of October. I was told because I am on Medicaid that the waiting list was around 9 months long. So until then I will continue to gather information and go to meetings. I have been trying to learn more about God and received my first Bible just last week. I pray all the time and it seems to comfortme. If this is God's will then it will happen and until then I will take life day by day. More soon.

December 17, 04
Hi, it's me. Just wanted to do a quick update. I saw my Physician 3 weeks ago and he put me on Paxil. I feel a little better since starting it and have been sleeping better. I was going to sleep around 3-4 in the morning and now feel tired around 11-12 o'clock. So that is good. Still having problems with my relationship with Steve and can't say for sure all will work out, I guess we will see. I have been on the waiting list since OCT 7th and was told that I will probably be called for consult in June or July 05. That's a long way away, but it gives me time to do some soul searching. Nothing else is really going on, I can't wait for X-mas! I am really anxious to see my kids faces on Christmas morning. That will be fun. Well More later.

May 30,2005
Just thought that I would update. Well, I am not on Paxil anymore, it made me really sick. So, I started seeing a Therapist and a professional so I can be prescribed medicine. I am now on Effexor and Equetro. They are for Depression and a mood stabilizer. I have only been on those for 4 days so far so we will see if I get to feeling any better. The kids and I went to the circus today and that was a lot of fun. We have been getting out more. I am trying not to make them suffer because of me. I did call Northern Colorado Surgical Associates and was told that I should recieve a call the beginning of June to make my consult date. Bout time huh! So soon my turn will come. I am still scared, not of the after changes but of the surgery itself. As long as the surgeon does his part I WILL do mine. At our last support group meeting we had a quest speaker who spoke about body image. It has really made me think. She said that if we don't love who we are on the inside before surgery then chances were that we probably wouldn't like ourselves after surgery. I really do like myself on the inside. I am warm, caring, funny, loving, sensitive, intellegent, a good mother, an overall good person. I just don't like not being able to do all the physical stuff a 27 year old mother of 2 should be doing! And I don't like being in pain from my knees, or hip. I really don't know if my decision is the right one but I have tried everything else. I can't miss anymore of the life I am losing. I have so much to offer the world. So much to offer my children. I am a good mother but I can be so much better. I deserve it and so do my babies. I will update when I get my consult date. -Tiffany

September 20, 2005
Well I had my consult and my nutritionist appt. and my surgery date is October 4th. Only 2 weeks away and I haven't heard yet if I am approved for surgery. Getting kinda worried about approval. Started to make a list of everything I will need to take to hospital and have at home. Trying not to think about surgery too much or I will start freaking out and getting emotional. I know in my heart it will be okay but I am real nervous. I just want this to be the right thing to do for me and my boys. I can't stand the thought of leaving them without a mother, and not being their to watch them grow and teach them about the world. Please God take care of me and help me through this. -Tiffany