3/30/04- Today was the day for my initial consult with Dr. Sanderfer. It went well. All my questions were answered. I am excited and impatient. I need to just work with this mission that I am on. Anyone willing to pray for me I could use your prayers for a smooth journey. I am now walking towards the losing side. I can see the end I just can't wait to get there. I am going to do my part as to get all the ekg, blood, psych, and PCP clearance. The office will do their part and work with the insurance. Here I come!!!
7/10/05- Well after much hurt and pain of denial I am now starting the process of this surgery all over again. Insurance denied me due to exculsion of benefits. All doors were slammed but through the grace of God I am going to use a plan B just a year and a half later. I want this surgery more than anything in the world. I believe this will save my life. Now to catch you up: I am paying out of pocket for this surgery since it is my only possiblity. Last week I went to Dr. Solomon for my pysch eval. Tomorow 7/11/05 I have a consultation with the surgeon Dr Coon who works with Sanderfer. I am excited but a bit afraid of doors slamming in my face again. All your prayers could sure help! I will keep journaling!
July 16/05- Last week while I had the green light I ran with it. I completed all requested test. EKG, blood work, pelvic ultra, chest x, and the appt with my PCP. All went well except there are a few bumps in the road that I need to get over. One is my PCP thinks that I need to be referred to a pulminologist because I said I snored. So I have a appt for that this tues.the 19th. My cardiologist said that my thyroid is enlarged so he requested further blood work and an ecco cardiogram. So ok I won't have clearance in a week but I have faith I will get it when the time is right. I do have to share though my frustrations. On one hand I think wow these Dr.'s really want to ensure I am healthy for this but on the other had my gut tells me they are requesting more tests because they want more $. Why I say this is I went to the cardiologist in the AM who said it was enlarged. That same day in the PM I went to my PCP who said it was not enlarged at all. Puzzles me! And because I snore I need to go to a Pulminologist. Doesn't most of the world snore. I am not even a big snore person. It is occasional, I think even only when I have a head cold or allergies. Well any way I am not going to get down. I have appts for those ones they requested. After those tests, they will send all info to Dr. Coon and now my PCP wants all the records. When my PCP signs off for clearance I should then get a surgery date. I am so excited!
7/26/05~ OK Ladies and Gents.....Are you ready for this....I HAVE A DATE.....8/24/05. Can you believe it? I am in a daze. It IS really happening. My prayers are being answered and doors are opening one at a time. Not all of them have opened up easy though, I have to admit. Tests after tests it was frustrating because each test came out great. I couldn't understand why to perform more tests but I did get to the bottom of it. When I went to the pulmologist he asked me questions like do I have a hard time breathing, do I sleep well etc. All of them were normal healthy answered questions yet he still wanted a breath stress test. My cardiologist gave me an EKG required came out great. He still requested and ECCO. OK I did that it came out great and the next visit he wanted a stress test. I just came out and asked him WHY??? What is your reasoning when the previous tests came out fine. He finally told me why. He said because there is so much malpractice that he needs to protect himself. If I were to have a heart attack on the operating table and he did not look at every nook and cranny it could fall back to him. OK now I understand. But let me tell ya it was like a never ending circle. All and all when I am up on the table I do truly want to know that I am in perfect health for this so with that said. I am glad I had to go through the never ending cycle of DR's and tests. So here I sit with surgery 29 days away. I am so excited. I want to dance on my roof and scream outloud. I am also happy to say that I am trying to get more involved in the OH message board. I am going to 2 events this week. A last supper and a party. I will post and let you know how it went. I am going to go sleep happy dreams. Ya for me tonight. I am finally going to defeat the obese monster.
8/7/05~ Well so much has been going on the last couple of weeks. I did go to a last supper and the DTNA party and had a wonderful time at both. OH is such a great way to meet people who are walking in the same shoes that you have worn. I have met some great people here, I can't wait to build friendships here. If you are inquiring about getting involved here, I strongly encourage it. It was hard at first to go to an event and not know a sole but now I feel as if I fit right in. The people here are very welcoming and 3 weeks ago I felt so alone and felt as if no one understood my side of the street and now I have people here whom I call friends. It really is a great thing. I have surgery in 15 days and counting. I have tried to cold turkey diet Pepsi but it is not as easy as I have hoped. I am trying to get down a few more lbs buy surgery day but that is hard too with all the junk I want to eat because I know I can't after surgery. I am though trying and I have lost about 4 lbs. I am going to try and go for 6 more. I went and bought some broths, chewable vitamins, biotin and b12. Oh I also bought a protein shake. I thought I might as well start getting those vits pouring through my body. And the protein shakes aren't bad but they sure don't taste like a meal. I guess I will have to get used to that too. I do though have to say I am ready for the journey. By reading everyones posts, I know this isn't going to be a walk in the clouds. I know every step will come with bumps and turns but I am going to keep my eye on the prize. The prize is sooooo worth it. For how much I love my hair and I love my diet Pepsi I will go bald and never drink another to be thin and healthy if that's what it takes. I am going to charge through and take life as it comes. I have a nutrition class this Wednesday and am excited about that too. This is really becoming real. I will update as time surpasses. Bye for now!!!
8/19/05~~ Time is crawling yet it is flying....sounds like a double standard to me. But really that is what it feels like as I count the days til surgery it is ticking along but when I look back than less than a month ago I got a date then it seems to fly. Yesterday I went to my pre op appointment with Dr.Coon my DH Brent went with me and my 3 pages of questions in tow. He was great and answered them all took his time and it made me feel at ease. I then went to the hospital to pre-register and give them my blood. It is starting to feel offical!! I am so excited. I haven't been nervous yet just sometimes a little anxiety sets in. I had a crazy dream last night that I swallowed a chuck e cheese token last night after I was a post op, let me tell ya if freaked me out. I woke up with a dry scratchy throat (from the ceiling fan being on all night). It really felt like a real dream I woke up trying to cough out this token. Anxiety I tell ya it gets ya one way or another, I won't be surprised if my DH leaves a nice token on my bedside tonight. Anyway, while I was at the hospital I went to visit Monica Merlin who had her surgery a week before me. She was up and looked good and I just kept thinking to myself that is going to be me this time next week. Wow, the long hike has finally come to a close,,,, I can't wait for the next ride of this journey. I know there will be obstacles but I want the challenge. I will look at it as something to endure. If you are a pre op and looking into this. I just ask that you don't give up. There were so many times that had the door slammed and I wanted to give up infact I did for a few months no doors were opening I lost my faith. Faith in the one that has control of my life. I lost hope. When you lose sight of hope it definately gets rough. When I finally got my hope back my faith returned too. I decided then and there I was going to fight for my life. My healthy life to come. A life where I can run and play on the floor and not hurt. A life where my family is proud and not wishing if I was just thinner. A life where I felt good about me and proud of who I am. These are just a few of my life changes to come and I am welcoming them with open arms. I will post soon!!!
9-20-05~ Ok so I lied. I did not post again soon, it has been way to long. My excuse is that since surgery someone(family and friends have been at the house and I didn't want to be rude and be on the computer. So today is my first day on my own with the kids since surgery but first let me back up and tell you about my big day.
August 24.2005 I changed my life forever and for the better. I showed up at the hospital at 9 AM with my mom and DH. I checked in as I had already pre registered a few days before. I got suited up in my beautiful hospital gown and laid in a bed in the pre op room. I had my IV in and now I just had to wait as DR.Coon had a lap RNY that morning and so I was second to go. My mom and hubby made me laugh and we talked about how much this is going to change my life. We joked, I dosed off woke up and we would talk again. I had a great attitude going into surgery. I believe attitude is healing power. I was told I would go back to OR between 11-1pm. It was getting to be around 11 and so I knew it should be soon. There I sit ready for this roller coaster ride of my life. I was suited up, strapped in, and for now going nowhere.... it was getting a bit frustrating as I was so ready to start my new life. It was about 2 when I finally saw Dr. Coon and he apologized for the delay but the surgery that morning took longer than expected. He reassured me that he was rested and had had lunch which I just wanted to make sure of that since he has my life at stake here. The Dr. feel good guy came in and talk to me about anesthesia, he gave me something to calm me and it was just a few minutes as I kissed Brent and Mom goodbye just for now. We all got a bit teary eyed for a moment but I knew in my heart I could be a survivor in this weight loss battle. Food has always controlled me, I have always been powerless when it comes to food and this time I just knew I was going to beat this one for good this time. Food is no longer going to control me, I will control it for me to live and be the healthy wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend that I am supposed to be. So off to the OR. I remember the chill the metal and the people in there ready to get it started. I remember them suiting up, and counting out supplies. I asked them if they all ate because I wanted to make sure they were ready for me. I asked them if never before they performed their best would they do it for these next few hours. They all laughed and said that this was going to be a big party. That's the last I remember, I slept through my big party. When I woke up I remember Dr. Coon asking me how I felt, I guess he said surgery went great but I guess as I was wheeled away from him to go into my room, I lifted my arm and said, "Like a million bucks!"
I was still really drousy though and felt like I just wanted to sleep. It was around 6 pm I think, Mom and Brent stayed for a while and then I told them to go so they could get rest and get my babies. I was worried about them but knew going in that I had to do this for me so that I could be the best I could be for them. I slept good, pain was nominal. Had the toridal and the morphine drip. I love drugs from one addiction to another huh? The next morning I decided to be a rebel and get out of bed without my pt or nurse. I wanted to push myself to walk. I bit my tongue and pushed my fat body off that bed. I made it almost to the door and realized that I was still attached to the wall. I yelled for a nurse except that it wasn't loud because of the thing that went in my throat made it dry and scratchy. Someone I think a cna came in and unhooked me. They asked if I was supposed to be walking I said probably not yet but I am a rebel that way. I made it down the hall when I saw all the nurses at the nurses station mouth drop. They all said what are you doing my dear, I said I am walking. I need to heal right? They just smerked and let me go a nurse did say that she wanted to walk with me just in case I got light headed. Which I was but I wasn't going to release that. So I did my first walk. It felt good. I washed my face, brushed my teeth. I was feeling like a million bucks ok maybe not a million but at least $500,000. I rested and friends came to visit. I was sore but felt good. Friends from my support group, friends from OH and friends from MOMS club all came at some point of my hospital stay. I felt supported that is for sure.
Coming home was another story, the first night was some drama which was just the opposite of peaceful between my dad, my dh, and my brother. It was a bubble that needed to burst for a long time coming just why now. Any way that needs a whole nother support group in itself. So I get home and I am hungry. I did not expect this. So for those of you pre ops prepare for head hunger. I mourned food so much more than I had imagined. It was hard on the heart and I was so shocked by that. I cried I wanted what my family was eating, instead I got broth, sf jello, sf popsciles. My brain knew that what they were eating was yummy and I wanted that same satisfaction so bad. That was the hardest part for me. I missed food. I missed flavor, I missed chewing, I missed feeling stuffed. I had stuffed myself for so many years and missed it something terribly. This feeling lasted til I got promoted to soft foods which was at the end of 2 weeks. I didn't think I could do it. I did, only to find that not many soft foods like my pouch. Although sometimes I think it is me, I eat to fast, too big of bites, or just too much. There is so much to learn. So still today I am almost a month out, and going back to basics: protein shakes, oatmeal, yogert, grits, refried beans, mashed pot. Those foods work when I seem to try something new, it hurts. Which I think it gets stuck. I feel good, but I am still wanting to just be normal just eat less. I just want to eat and it not hurt or make me sick. I am told TIME! It just takes time so I am taking time to heal. I relax when my body says relax and I eat when my body says try and feed me. I am excited about this Saturday, I am marking my 1 month surgery anniversary by walking from obesity. My mom and my son are doing it with me and I just love the message that I want to scream out to the world. I want to do my part to walk away from such an awful disease that has haunted my family. So Saturday I am going to attempt a 5K. Am I nervous yes because exercise is not my thing but ya know what I am going to change my thinking and make it my thing. I am going to enjoy being outside in my old stomping grounds and walk with my family. I have the attitude I can do it. So with that said I will be crossing that finish line. So to rap up this forever long post today is a great day the kids and I have just been taking it easy. I have been doing laundry and lounging. What a day to spend a manic Monday.
So I leave you today with, ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING, If you can BELIEVE IT ON THE INSIDE YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT ON THE OUTSIDE!!! Until next time, live well!
10/05/05~ OK so I am 5 weeks out down 36lbs. not too bad huh? It's not what I am down that keeps me excited it's not gaining it back ever again that elates me. I did the 5K and felt great. I hit it off great with Carnie Wilson. She is a real live woman with a lot of the same dreams, goals, and visions as I have. She was very inspiring and gave me lots of encouragement. She gave me her personal email and told me to keep touch with her so that she can keep an eye on me. That was very heartfelt as I am sure she has much better things to do than have a concern for a stranger such as myself. I felt blessed. Everyday I am feeling more and more blessed that I chose to have this surgery but it has been no walk in the park. Not that I thought it would be I just don't know if I expected this. I am on full foods now just no steak, raw veggies or raw fruit. Still too hard for my new tummy to break down. I call it the trial and error stage, some foods work and some foods don't. I am OK with that though. It is a fun challenge now to learn what my new tummy likes and I can tell ya this much it loves chips and salsa. Gotta love it!! My challenge is that I am still learning when enough is enough. I feel as if I only take 3 or 4 bites and my new tummy says no more but my mind thinks that I still want to taste it. I am not done with it yet. Again I am retraining my body and sometimes my mind puts up a fight. Everyday I am learning. I am starting to feel great, my hubby says I am shrinking. I don't know about that though. I still see big O'l me in the mirror. My clothes are falling off so that must say something. I am in size 20's now from a 24 and that I do say feels good. Tomorrow I go for my 6 week check up and we will see what he says, as of today life is good!
12/10/05~ OK I am updating. Life seems to be so much worth living these days. My days of crawling to the computer to live life is just not so appealing anymore. I have so much of life left to actually go and live.
Last weekend I attended the OH convention in Costa Mesa. I had so much fun, it just went by so fast. I learned a lot and had some good company with great friends whom I met through this site. I am proud to say that other than life flying by I am enjoying it. I feel better, I feel lighter, and most importantly my outlook on life is better.
My eating days come and go. Not everything likes my pouch and what does one day it might not like it the next. I look at it like an adventure. I don't usually yak and if I do I know it is because I ate too fast (which is usually the case)old habits are hard to break or I at too big of bite. Chicken still doesn't agree with my new pouch. I try and try but to no avail. I do eat meat though which I was surprised that I could consume. I also found a new protein shake that I love. Did you hear that??? I said love. I hate protein shakes but this one is a NECTAR it's apple extasy. It tastes like a apple jolly rancher. I have been working out 5 days a week at 4:30 am. I know that is crazy but I need to do it before my DH leaves for work or else it just doesn't get done. I am really trying to put me first these days. It is hard because for so long I put myself on a back burner but I have learned that to be the best I can be I need to take care of me so that is what I am trying so hard to do. I now weigh 214 which is a loss of 58lbs. In 31/2 months. I know some lose much faster but I am really ok with it. I have never lost even close to 58 lbs in 3 months before. I'll take it. And for the most part I have no complaints. The first 2 months were rough but the light at the end of this fat tunnel is shinning. I can see it and I can't wait to get there. I was hoping to be under 200 by New Year's Day but I don't know if that will happen but I am trying to do all the right things to get there. I was asked today to become an Angel!!! Can you believe that me an angel??? Well I try to be until by horns knock of my halo!!! Stacie Z is going to have a revision and asked me to be her angel. I am so honored. Stacie you have done so well with your tool and I know the revise boost will get you just where you need to be. I am thrilled to be her angel. She is one of the nicest people I know. Well the holidays are upon us and I hope everyone is stopping to enjoy this season and not just hurrying through it. I have learned to stop and enjoy life now. My kids don't need a mommy who is stressed out and too busy to stop and see there bright eyes and wonders of this season. I want them to remember me enjoying life with them and making memories as they grow so quickly. Enjoy this time of year and always remember to never forget the reason for this season!!! Happy Holidays!
8/8/06~~~ I have no excuses except for just enjoying life as to why I have not updated my profile in forever. Summer is just flying by and it was so nice to finally not be obese during the summer. I meant what I said when I said that summer of 2005 would be my last FAT summer.
Let me catch you up....to my life now. I decided in February that I wanted to give back to this life that has given me so much so with that said I have decided to run a marathon 26.2 miles with the leukemia and lymphoma society. In case you did not hear that I said RUN 26.2 miles. Crazy I know but I just want to do something that less than 1% of the population does. Considering this time last year I could hardly walk to my mail box and now I am up to running 14 miles. I still have so much to do in training to work up to 26.2 miles but I am working at it 1 mile at a time. Sometimes it is hard because I am so not a runner. I will break down and cry before my long runs but I try to remember why I am doing it and then take 1 mile at a time and somehow I get through it. Life on the homefront is good. My family is really loving the new me and I am constantly being fed compliments about my appearance and how well I am coping with my new eating habits. I still struggle with the food addiction thing. I love food so much. Just because I had surgery doesn't mean that I still don't love the food. I work on it each day and some days are harder than others. I am working 4 nights a week as a server at Kings Fish House. I love it!!! I have so much more energy to stand and wait tables at work. It gets me out of the house and the extra mooo laaa ain't half bad either. I am wearing size 10's now and weigh 153lbs. That's about 119lb weight loss. I still can't believe it. My mind has not caught up with my body. I by all means am not pretty naked with all my wrinkled skin but I would take this any day over being 272 lbs. My doc says he would like me to get to 140 and maintain that for about 2 months. So I am just working away at training and not worrying to much about what the scale says. The weight loss has slowed wayyyyyy down and I am ok with that too. You can't go on losing 10 lbs a month forever, I don't want to look sick so I say if I just continue to keep this body of mine healthy and put healthy things in it than I will eventually get it off. And if I didn't I wouldn't complain. This decision to have WLS was the best decision I have ever made. I finally am in control of food instead of food being in control of me. I finally eat to live instead of live to eat!!! Now that is a statement that doesn't come lightly as because soooo many nights I can remember living to eat and what was going to be served and when is the next meal syndrome. Now I enjoy the company instead of the menu. Anyhoo, I will try and get better about coming here and updating. This too is a support system for me and if anyone reading gets support or info from my saga stories than it is so worth the time to sit and fill in the gaps of my life. If you feel in your heart that you would like to help me get to the NIKE Marathon in San Francisco Oct 22 than you can donate on my web page. It all goes to the Leukemia and Lymphoma society and it is %100 tax deductable. I appreciate anything you can give. This raising money is hard I thought training for it would be hard, wait let me take that back it is....but with everyones support I know I will get there some way some how!!! www.teamintraining.org click on donate to TNT participant and you can type in my Dana Coolbaugh. Thanks everyone for reading on and supporting me every step of the way!
Here are a few things I want to accomplish after WLS:
1. Shop at Tilly's for clothes not shoes
2.fly with no seat belt extender (did 4/27/06)
3. ride a rollercoaster(1/10/06)
4. shave my legs comfortably(7/06)
5. paint my own toes(6/06)
6. sit on floor without going numb
7. read my babies a story with out them falling of my lap being pushed off by my stomach (5/06)
8. where a bathing suit and not feel like a whale
9. Wear my husbands workshirt with nothing else on under and surprise him!!
10. Be alive when my babies get married and live to have grandchildren.
11. Play baseball with my son!
12. Slide down the slide and swing with my babies at the park (4/06)
13. Not have my theighs rub together to form a rash
14. Weighless than some of my friends (sorry guys, I have been the fattest long enough) (summer of 2006)
15. go to the river and get thrown of a seadoo and be able to climb back on
16. Finish a marathon
17. Get picked up on by a complete stranger....just for the laughs (5/06)
18. To be called SKINNY/TINY 9/10/06
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