PLEASE NOTE: MY WEIGHT LOSS SURGEON'S NAME IS DR. RAEANN CAPEHART AND MY RNY SURGERY WAS DONE BY HER AT DOCTORS HOSPITAL IN DALLAS TEXAS. IF ANY OTHER SURGEON OR CLINIC ANYWHERE USES MY PROFILE AS A TESTIMONIAL, REFERENCE OR ADVERTISEMENT, THEN IT IS NOT ONLY BEING USED AGAINST MY WISHES BUT IT IS ALSO A MISREPRESENTATION OF THE TRUTH (IN OTHER WORDS... A BIG FAT LIE.)
2003
(10/21/03)
I really don't know where to start... I'm a MESS, and I know this might be boring to read, but I really want to document everything during my journey so I can look back, once I'm a LOSER, and be reminded "where I came from." I NEVER want to forget !! I'm 49 years old, have been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 31 years, and we have 2 beautiful (all grown up) daughters. I have been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember and have been overweight since I was a child. The only real problems I had with weight when I was younger, though, were solely based on vanity and acceptance... I felt fine and was able to carry on with my life. NO more, though... as I've aged my weight has increased and I am at the point, now, where my weight controls practically every aspect of my life. I still don't feel good about how I look but that's not such a big deal anymore... now, my health is pathetic and my LIFE is at risk!
I have missed out on SO many fun activities with my family because I am embarrassed of how I look and I simply don't have the stamina to keep up with them, anyway. This is how bad things have gotten... I can no longer keep up with my daily household chores, I can't walk to the mailbox and back (maybe 20 feet) without being out of breath, my lower back SCREAMS in pain when I stand for even a short time, my legs get numb from carrying the weight of all my fat and my feet and knees ache all the time. I can no longer even sleep in the same room with my husband because my snoring (sleep apnea?) keeps him awake ! I'm afraid one day I'll go to sleep and won't wake up !!!! :( I have a beautiful sports car that my husband bought me a few years ago and I can hardly get in and out of it anymore. It sits in the driveway far more than it's driven. In fact, I rarely leave my home at all. My weekly trips to the grocery store or to visit my elderly parents are a "big event" and they totally wear me out. I'm depressed because of my weight and have been on several anti-depression medications but they don't change the image I see when I look in the mirror and they don't take away the pain I'm in. Dieting has never worked for me and ignoring my weight problem has obviously not made it go away, either. I long for the day when I will feel NORMAL and be healthy/happy... I want to enjoy and actually LIVE life again. I'm sick of being tired, in pain and depressed and I'm afraid I won't live much longer if I don't get some help. I believe WLS is my only hope... I can't lose the weight and keep it off on my own, this I KNOW, without a doubt.
I've been researching WLS for the past couple of years but didn't find this website until about 2 months ago. Since then I have been reading other members profiles like mad ! It may sound kinda silly but I've been reading the profiles to my husband, too, so that we can both get an idea, from them, what to expect in the months ahead. I have gotten SO much helpful information/advice from those profiles AND, best of all, they've given me the extra confidence I needed to do what I know I must do to get my life under control. I am SO thankful that so many people have been willing to openly and honestly share their successes and failures here !!! It's ironic, really, how total strangers can be such an inspiration but they have been, to me, at least ! I just hope they realize how much they are helping others, like me, who really don't have a lot of support from friends/family and who don't know anyone who has had WLS (weight loss surgery). I just hope that I can somehow help other people as much as others here have, unknowingly, helped me !
(10/22/03)
I've finally decided it was LONG past time to stop researching WLS, stop waiting for the weight to "magically" disappear and actually DO something to help myself so I took the first steps today. I made an appointment to see my primary care physician [PCP] (I got an appointment with him for tomorrow!) and I set up a consultation with Bariatric Treatment Center (BTC) in Wylie, Texas for 10/24/03 (day after tomorrow.) I'm totally shocked that I was able to get both appointments so quickly... maybe it's a sign !
I was disappointed to find out that the BTC is out of network so my insurance (United Healthcare) won't pay as much as they would if they were in network. My 2nd choice to do the surgery was Dr. John Alexander but I called his office and discovered that he doesn't work with ANY insurance companies at all. What a disappointment ! I thought I'd end up having to start all over and find a doctor who was in our network but when I told my husband the bad news he said we'll just pay whatever the insurance won't pay... that it was important for me to use a surgeon I felt comfortable with. That was SO sweet of him and is a huge relief to me because I really have been looking forward to having my surgery (open RNY) done at BTC in Wylie... I've read a LOT of good things about the surgeons (and their staff) there. Just the fact that weight loss surgery is all they do gives me a sense of peace. I am SO excited about finally getting the wheels turning and at the same time I'm a bit scared that they will refuse to perform the surgery on me because I have some past health issues that put me at risk for surgery, namely a past heart attack and several incidences of deep vein thrombosis (aka. blood clots.) I'd break my heart to be "rejected" for this surgery but I guess I'll find out Friday one way or the other. If you read this, please say a prayer for me and feel free to e-mail me if ya want...
(10/26/03)
Well... I had my appointment with my PCP and he made it official. I do have arthritis in my knees and I also found out my blood pressure is higher than it's ever been before (148/80.) He (NICELY) suggested that I try to lose a "FEW" pounds and I asked him what he thought about weight loss surgery, expecting negativity, but was surprised when he said that it was experimental but had saved a lot of people's lives and was definately an option I should consider. I told him I already had an appointment for the following day at the Bariatric Treatment Center and he said GOOD FOR YOU and offered to help me in any way he could. I love that guy... I can talk to him and he actually LISTENS to me and supports me. I know I can count on him to write a "medical necessity" letter for my insurance company. Whew !
I had a bad experience at the BTC... just as I'd feared, I was rejected ! I filled out all the paperwork, answered a lot of health-related questions and waited for about 15 minutes to see the doctor. The nurse then came in and told me the doctor recommended that I see a doctor who did surgery from a large hospital because they didn't have an ICU at BTC and my prior heart/blood clotting problems might become a problem during surgery and a large hospital could better handle it if something went wrong. Of course, I was upset because I was all psyched about having my surgery there and had picked out a great doctor but I understand that they were just looking out for my well-being. My husband was with me, thank God, because I sure needed him to give me a pep talk after the bad news.
(10/27/03)
Today, I took the advice of the BTC and called a doctor they recommended for me, Dr. David Provost. He works out of Parkland and Zale Lipshy hospitals in Dallas and he's well-known for taking on "challenging" bariatric cases that some doctors shy away from. I've read a LOT about him and am very impressed in his abilities as a surgeon plus he seems to have an outstanding aftercare program and follows his patients, apparently, for the rest of their lives. That's terrific ! The only problem is his waiting list is extremely LONG and it will probably be months and months before I can even get in to see him for a consultation. His office will be sending me an information packet and some paperwork to fill out... and I'll wait for them to call and set up an appointment. Surgery seems SOOOOOOOOOOO far away now. It was my "dream" to be post-op by my 50th birthday in June 2004 and, hopefully, many pounds lighter and feeling healthier by then ! Oh well... it's been said that good things come to those who wait so I'll wait and try my best to keep a positive outlook. If you read this and would like to e-mail me, please do...
(11/11/03)
Well... I got the information packet from Dr. Provost, answered all the medical history questions, and mailed it back to him a few days ago. I'm hoping I'll be getting a call from his office soon to set up my consultation date. Even if the consultation ends up being months from now at least I'll have a date to look forward to and my new beginnig will seem more real. Right now it seems like a dream that's never going to come true. I'm going nuts with anticipation and I don't feel as if anyone in my family shares my excitement and understands why this is just about all I can think about. I want SO badly to be FREE from the bondage that my weight has created and it can't happen soon enough for me ! I've practically isolated myself from the world because I feel so bad all the time and because I know I look bad, too.
I told my husband tonight that I don't have a clue what it's going to feel like to be in the "normal" weight range... I've always been overweight. I haven't weighed under 150lbs since I was about 11 or 12 years old and most of my life I've been well over 200lbs. I don't think I've mentioned my weight and height here yet and I want to document it. I weigh 294lbs and I'm 5'5" tall. I don't own a scale so I found out my height/weight when I went to BTC for the 1st consultation. I also found out that I have shrunk 2 inches... I was 5'7" in high school !!! Ok... that's my rant for tonight. If you need an "ear" I'm only an e-mail away...
(12/21/03)
My friend, Laura, had her surgery last week on December 16th and she is doing just great. I'm SO happy for her but I must admit I'm a bit jealous, too, because I wanted SO badly to have had my surgery before the year was over. I'm forced to wait until the new year to see a doctor, though, because the City of Dallas is changing insurance carriers at that time, and besides, I chose to wait till after the new year because I wanted to spend Christmas with my family, not in the hospital or at home recovering from surgery. That's all for now... peace and Happy Holidays to all of you.
2004
(1/11/04) Well, I decided to give up on Dr. Provost... I just can't wait a year for a consultation and I was told by his staff that his next opening is in Jan. 2005 ! I contacted Dr. Raeann Capehart and have a consultation date with her on January 29th ! I can't believe I got in to see her so quickly and, needless to say, I'm totally excited !! I have other news... my best friend in the world also made a date with Dr. Capehart for a consultation... she's seeing her the first week in February ! I'm so excited for her and I look forward to the day when neither of us has to struggle as morbidly obese people ! I'll update again after my consult... maybe by then this profile page will have it's "beauty makeover." hehe I've made a request with the html team at ObesityHelp.com... just waiting in line, now, for my turn to roll around. :)
(1/22/04)
This week was a good one for me and I just couldn't wait until after my consultation with the doc to document it. hehe First, I was surprised to find that my profile page, which was once extremely bland looking, is now beautiful. My thanks go to our AMOS volunteer, Sharon Bryant, who worked her magic to make it look so good !!!
Tuesday night (January 20th) Cheryl and I attended our first support group meeting... it was out in Lancaster, which is fairly far away, but I enjoyed spending time with Cheryl so much that the drive seemed to be really short. The meeting itself was very informal, and we didn't learn much about WLS that we didn't already know, but we met some very nice people there and had a great time. I was a bit disappointed that the surgeon who was supposed to be there didn't attend because he had an emergency surgery... those things happen, though, and are unavoidable.
THE best thing that happened this week, though, happened tonight. Cheryl and I went to Dr. Capehart's 1st support group meeting in the professional building across from Doctor's Hospital in Dallas and, boy, was it awesome ! Dr. Capehart REALLY impressed both of us... she was SO down to earth and honest. There was a plastic surgeon there to speak to the group and he was awfully sweet and informative. Also, 2 women who represented a company who makes protein suppliments & vitamins, etc, were there and they passed out some samples. The vitamins seem good but I thought the protein drink, which came in caramel and strawberry flavor were WAY too sweet. Anyway, I'll be having my consultation with Dr. Capehart in just ONE WEEK... I can't wait to meet with her one on one and get the ball rolling ! More later... God bless one and all and thanks again, Sharon, for the wonderful job you did on my profile page !!
this is Dr. Capehart
(2/01/04)
Well, I had my consultation with Dr. Capehart and I'm even more impressed with her than I was when I met her at the support group meeting. My husband went along with me and she spoke to us for over an hour and a half ! I had a list of questions about a mile long and she answered each and every one of them in a way that we could easily understand. My husband was impressed with her, as well, and made the comment that he'd never met a doctor who was as unrushed and thorough as she was. I found out a few things from the doctor that I'm pretty happy about.
1) She has a phenomenal complication rate... NO deaths and she has been doing gastric bypass surgery since 1978.
2) She doesn't require her patients to do a pre-op bowel prep (take a laxative)... all she requires is that you not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before the procedure.
3) She does not catheterize her patients for surgery... she says she wants you up and going to the bathroom as soon as possible.
4) She also allows her patients to shower as soon as they feel like doing so.
5) She removes the drain tube before her patients leave the hospital to go home which is cool with me because I've read how uncomfortable those tubes are once people begin to heal.
6) She doesn't require her patients to take a leak test, post-op, because she said she can tell if there's a leak by looking at what's coming from the drain tube and most leaks don't show up in the test, anyway.
7) She removes all her patient's gallbladders during surgery and I figure that's a good thing since it seems like a lot of gastric bypass patients have to end up having it removed at some point down the "weight-loss road."
I spoke with Dr. Capehart about having a Greenfield filter implanted, pre-op, to eliminate the possibility of me having a pulmonary embolism since I have a long history of deep-vein thrombosis (blood clots) and she thought that was a good idea. She also wants me to have a sleep study done because I told her I suspect I may have sleep apnea. I'll also have a drug-induced stress test done to make sure my heart ok. That and blood work are the only tests she mentioned I'll be needing to get pre-op. Of course, she may tell me to have others at a later date or the insurance company may require tests that I don't know about yet. I do know I have to stop smoking and that, without a doubt, is going to be a real challenge for me. Soooo... another wait begins but I'm one more step closer to the new improved, and HEALTHY, me !! Hopefully, Humana will approve my surgery and I'll get a date soon ! God bless ya all and thanks SO much to the AMOS members on the Texas message board who are a daily inspiration to me !!
(02/20/04)
The past 2 days have been overwhelming to put it mildly. I called Humana on Tuesday to see about their progress with my paperwork and was told that they hadn't received it from Dr. Capehart's office yet so I called Linda, Dr. Capehart's office manager, and she told me she'd faxed it to them. I let Wednesday go by and then on Thursday morning I called Humana once again expecting to be told the same thing I'd been told on Tuesday... well, I wasn't ! When the woman told me that my upcoming surgery had been APPROVED I was so taken off guard I burst into tears and was laughing, crying, thanking her and thanking the Lord. That poor woman must have thought I was nuts ! lol
Last night (Thursday Feb. 19th) was Dr. Capehart's monthly support group meeting. I swear, I love that woman more every time I see her and I could listen to her talk an entire day without being bored. The biggest news of the week, though, is that I got a call this morning from Linda in Dr. Capehart's office and she gave me a surgery date of April 6th !!!! I have to have a sleep study done, a cardiac stress test (which I am doing the first week of March) and get the Greenfield filter implanted and the pre-op bloodwork done (which will be ordered 1 week before the surgery) and I'll be all set to go ! I have the pulmonary function test behind me now. I went to Dr. Peikari, my PCP, today and I didn't do all that well with the test but it could have been MUCH worse. The doctor gave me a prescription (Advair inhaler) to take until I have my surgery to help strengthen my lungs. He also told me I need to stop smoking, or at least cut WAY back, which is something I already knew I must do. My husband went into Mexico while he was down in south Texas last week and picked up some Zyban to help me stop smoking (actually it was Wellbutrin, which is an antidepressant, but it's the same drug as Zyban marketed under another name.) I also bought some Nicoderm CQ patches and have set my quit date for March 1st which is a little over a week from today. I know it's gonna be REALLY tough to stop smoking, even though I really want to, because I have been a smoker since age 15... that's over 34 YEARS ! Whoever is reading this, if anyone actually is, PLEASE say a little prayer for me... I certainly need all the help I can get !!
(02/24/04)
I guess I'll try to stop smoking a few days before my official quit date because I'll be running out of cigarettes soon and don't want to buy anymore. It'll do me good to stop earlier than I planned, anyway, since my surgery date is right around the corner. I made an appointment to see a doctor for my sleep study and the consultation with him is on Thursday, Feb. 26th. I hope I'm able to get in to a sleep center and have the actual study done REALLY soon because if I do have sleep apnea I need to be on a C-Pap machine, at night, for as long as possible before surgery... 6+ weeks is ideal so I'm cutting it real close here. Linda, from Dr. Capehart's office, called this morning and gave me a date to get that Greenfield filter implanted... it'll happen March 30th at 9:00am.
I've seen a lot of people mention their "after weight loss surgery" goals in their profiles. One of my goals has to do with motorcycling, which reminds me... my sweetie is on his way, at this very moment, to Daytona Florida for Bike Week. He's gone to the Sturgis Rally, to the 100 year Harley-Davidson Anniversary Rally in Milwaukee, and now to Daytona, without me. Next year I'll be thinner, healthier and my goal is to go to those rallies with him, and hopefully, I'll be riding a custom trike of my own ! Well, I guess that's all for now. Peace be with you all and God bless !!
(03/02/04)
I did a drug-induced cardiac stress test today and let me tell you it was NOT a good experience. I seriously thought I was gonna die, but I didn't, and that's one more test I now have behind me. Yippeeeeee ! More later...
(03/19/04)
Boy, it's really been a wild few weeks. I have actually stopped smoking after 34 years... that amazes me !!! It was very hard the first few days, I cried alot and slept as much as I could because all I could think about was smoking, but it's gotten easier and easier with every day that goes by. I'm sure I've gained some weight, though, now that my taste buds have been re-born but April 6th, my surgery date, is coming up soon and that weight will soon be a distant memory !
I am now sleeping with a C-PAP machine at night. I recently spent the night in a hospital and did my sleep study... what a trip THAT was. You're hooked up to lots of wires that monitor your breathing, eye movements, leg movements, oxygen saturation, brain activity, etc, and are told that your sleep will be monitored. Let me tell ya... it's not easy going to sleep with all those wires attached to every part of your body but it's even harder when you know that someone is watching and listening to your every move !! I did, finally, fall asleep and was awakened at 6am, which is WAY too early in my opinion, and told the study was over and I could leave. Later in the day I got a call and was told that I had some trouble when I went into REM sleep and was told that I needed to set an appointment for phase 2 of the sleep study. WHAT ? I didn't know I'd have to go again ! Well, I went and it was a replay of the first night, wires and all, only this time there's an addition... the C-PAP machine. I had a terrible time with the headgear and mask... it was bulky and to have it covering my face made me feel VERY claustrophobic & sent me into panic mode. I also tried using the headgear with nasal pillows and had trouble with that, too. Finally, I tried using a Nasal Aire II, which doesn't have any of the annoying headgear that the others did and works like an oxygen cannula. I finally got to sleep about 1-2am and slept 4-5 hours. I was later given an official diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea which is why I have to use a C-PAP now. My apnea is apparently not too bad, though... my machine setting is at 9 with 20 being the highest and 6 being the lowest. My doc seems to think that using the machine is a VERY temporary thing and as soon as I lose some weight I'll be able to leave the machine behind. That would be great... we'll see.
Cheryl, my best friend, has postponed her surgery. Just before her consultation appointment with Dr. Capehart she discovered that her insurance has a strict exclusion against any weight related treatments, including gastric bypass surgery, and so she was forced to cancel the consultation appointment and seek other options. She did alot of research and made plans to go to Mexico to have D/S surgery because it's much more affordable there. The timing wasn't good, though, and things are now in limbo. I love her so much... I pray that everything will work out for her and that she'll be happy. She's an awesome woman and has been a wonderful friend (adopted sis) to me for almost 30 years ! It amazes me to think that some people live their entire lives never having met a TRUE friend yet I found both Cheryl AND my husband Blaine. How cool is that ?!?!
Well... I'm all sentimental, as you can see. The upcoming surgery has me thinking alot. That's it for now, though... God bless ya ALL !!!
(03/28/04)
I go in Tuesday (March 30th) to get the Greenfield Filter implanted and for my final pre-op testing... surgery is only about a week away and to be honest I'm getting really scared. I'm TRYING hard not to do this but I keep thinking about dying. I've had surgery several times before and I wasn't all scared and weepy then but this time is different. I've come to the conclusion that it's MUCH tougher to have gastric bypass surgery because you usually have to wait months for your surgery date to roll around once you finally get a date. During those months there's plenty of time to sit and worry about all the what if's and boy have I been doing that for the past few weeks ! I know my decision to have the surgery is the right one and that God is with me but I guess it's just human nature to be afraid of the unknown. I'll sure be glad when I'm finally on the other side, that's for sure !!! If anyone reads this prior to April 6th, 2004 (my surgery date) PLEASE remember me in your thoughts and prayers. I really need to find the strength to be brave and not to openly cry on my surgery day... I don't want to upset my family and I don't want the medical staff to see me that way, either ! Wish me luck !!
(04/03/04)
I can't make another entry in this journal without documenting how precious my husband is to me and how supportive he's been, especially recently. Bless his heart... in many ways my obesity has dominated his life, too, yet he never stopped loving me. These past few weeks we've been able to spend quite a bit of time together and it's been SO much fun. I know he's REALLY proud of me for quitting smoking... he never thought I'd actually do it and I know he's experiencing alot of the same crazy emotional issues I am. He still mentions, from time to time, that I'll probably lose my weight, find someone "better" & leave him, and I keep reassuring him that it's NOT going to happen... he's my soulmate, always has been, and there is NOBODY better for me than him. I love him so... I just hope I live through this surgery and can experience life with him as a healthy woman !!! He's taken a month's leave from work to be with me after my surgery and has vowed to do whatever I need him to do to make me comfortable as I recover. That says alot about his love for me because some of the stuff he'll be doing won't be pretty !!! rofl
I finally had the filter implanted into my vena cava on April 2nd. I was supposed to have had the procedure on the 30th of March but my blood was too thin at that time so I was sent home and had to stop taking Coumadin for 3 days. My blood was still pretty thin when I went in on Friday so the radiologist suggested I either opt to have the filter implanted starting in my arm (instead of the groin or neck) since bleeding could be controlled easier in the arm OR he said we could wait until Monday (the day before my surgery) to do the procedure. I opted not to wait so he implanted it through my arm. VERY weird experience... I could feel the catheter moving through my body even as it went through my heart. That was pretty scary...
WOW... less than 3 days left till my surgery !!! I'm scared to death & I don't have the nerve to ask my fellow OH members for help ! I've always taken on the role of supporter on the message board and now that I need support I'm afraid to ask for it. I have this crazy fear that none of the people I've supported all these months will respond, if I do ask, and if that happened I'd be totally crushed. Heck, all day today I've been worried that nobody will sign my surgery page and that one of my angels has deserted me !!!! My emotions are going berzerk !!!! I don't understand these crazy emotional issues I'm having and I don't know how to get rid of them... I sure don't like 'em, though ! Lord, help me...
(04/19/04)
Well, I lived through the surgery and have been back home for a couple of weeks now. I had mixed experience at the hospital... the nurses and staff were all wonderful and VERY attentive. I didn't like being seperated from my family & best friend 30 minutes before my scheduled surgery time only to be forced to sit & wait, alone, for over an hour until I was finally taken into surgery, though. My surgery was delayed because the anesthesiologist was late arriving at the hospital... my family wasn't informed of that delay so they assumed I was taken into surgery, at 7:30am, as scheduled. On top of that, Dr. Capehart ran into some problems that made my surgery take longer so the family began to get frantic as noon, then 1pm, approached and they'd heard nothing.
I had no Morphine or other pain medication the whole 1st day after surgery because the pump was broken... I pushed the button but nothing was being dispensed and I didn't know it. Needless to say I was miserable... that's not the hospital's fault, though.
Being newly post-op has been very challenging to me ! At first, just smelling food made me want to puke (I guess the anesthesia had something to do with it) and EVERYTHING I did force myself to eat tasted extremely salty. Then, poof, after a few days food smelled (and tasted) pretty good again. I've been feeling pretty confused about what I can and can't eat and I've been worried that the portions I'm eating have been too much. I did go for my 2 week post-op visit today (yesterday) and discovered that I've lost 29 pounds since my surgery date (2 weeks ago tomorrow) !! Dr. Capehart said I was doing good so I'm going to try to stop worrying so much.
Foods I've eaten, so far, post-op:
oatmeal, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal
several flavors of REGULAR jello
yogurt (various flavors)
scrambled eggs & cheese
cottage cheese
pintos & cheese (from Taco Bell)
a few pork rinds (because I really MISS crunchy foods)
string cheese
vegetable soup, cream soups
tuna salad
sugar-free popsicles
canned pears and peaches (eaten with cottage cheese)
Tonight I had almost a whole piece of bacon and 1/2 of a sausage link with a small amount of scrambled eggs and I felt pretty bad for awhile... in fact, I puked. I think it was my pouch saying it's too early for pork ! ;-)
My husband has been a BLESSING to me through this whole thing and I feel so fortunate to have him. He stayed with me day & night when I was in the hospital and has been better than I could ever have imagined in caring for me since I've returned home. I must admit... I'm getting really spoiled and am LOVING the extra attention I've been getting from him. I don't expect it to last forever, though... he has to get back to work, etc, soon.
Thanks to all the AMOS members who've been so supportive to be, so far... you're truly angels and I appreciate you a lot. Well, may God bless one and all 'till next month ! :-)
(05/18/04)
This past weekend I attended OH's 1st National Convention in Arlington Texas. It was a BLAST !! I was initially a little hesitant to go. I thought I'd feel left out because I didn't know anyone BUT I never made it past the reservation desk at the hotel before 2 sweet ladies (Charlotte Herron & Becky Vee) spoke to me !!! Within minutes of arriving at the Wyndham Hotel I was down in the lobby helping Bo (an OH staff member) stuff folders to be given out to other people who attended the convention. I met a bunch of great people there and one of them was one of my Friday night roommates, WLS Deb. Deb is an awesome lady and I'm so proud to call her my friend !! My best friend, Cheryl, came in after she got off work on Friday & stayed until my husband arrived Saturday afternoon. On Friday night Cheryl was exhausted and wanted to get to bed early so I went out to karaoke with about 40 other OH members and that was great fun. On Saturday night we had a luau and, thanks to Tracy P, it was a huge success. Saturday and Sunday, during the day, were filled with various guest speakers who were interesting & motivational to both pre-ops & post-ops. I'm SO glad I went to that convention... it was more fun than I've had in YEARS and I didn't feel self-concious about my weight AT ALL !!! I may even try to make it up to Tulsa for the one there later on in the summer. :-)
(05/30/04)
Well, here we are at the end of May already. I had my 6 week post-op appointment last week and found out that I've lost 49 pounds, so far. My scales at home say I've lost about 9 pounds less than that but my surgeon swears that her scales are VERY accurate so I'll trust her. Overall, I'm feeling GREAT ! I'm FAR more active now and am always on the go. We bought a treadmill and I'm starting out slow but hope to be able to walk for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week, eventually.
My oldest daughter & my husband went to my support group meeting with me this month. I thought that was VERY nice of them ! My daughter said something there that was kinda embarrassing but oh so true ! We were talking about lifestyle changes after surgery and she said something like... "everything's SO weird since my mom had surgery. For years I could call my mom and she was always at home... now she's always gone. Plus... she & my dad are all "ushy-gushy" in love again.... YUCK !" That got a big laugh from everyone... I didn't look at my husband but I'm sure his face was red. lol
I'm still having some issues with food. Many things that I liked when I was pre-op just don't taste good to me now. Take cheese, for instance... ALL cheese tastes awful to me so I don't eat cheese much anymore. Foods don't even smell the same anymore... weird ! I find myself eating a lot of chicken (I prefer it grilled & served with sauteed mushrooms), yogurt and cottage cheese for protein but I'm getting pretty bored with them all. I've been craving steak and haven't had it since surgery... hopefully it will taste the same as it once did and my pouch will find it agreeable !!
It seems as if I will never be able to get my daily requirement of protein in by just eating so I bought some samples of a few different protein suppliments online from Texas Weight Loss Supply. I tried one of the shake mixes (Champion's Chocolate Whey Stack) today and it was actually pretty good. I just mixed a scoop and a half in a glass of cold water, stir it well and added a few ice cubes and that small drink gave me about over 30 grams of protein... WOW ! Here's a tip... be sure to add protein powder to water and not the other way around. For some reason you get little to no lumps when you add it to water but if you put the powder in the glass and then add the water it lumps up & it's really hard to get the lumps out.
This is a lonely Memorial Day weekend for me. It's rainy & there's nobody on the Texas message board... my sweetie is in Cozumel Mexico on a dive trip with some buddies. The warm weather has brought an increase in activity for most people, including my husband. The day after he returns from the dive trip he'll be leaving for the ROT (Republic of Texas) Motorcycle Rally down in Austin. I can't wait until I'm physically able to do those things with him again. Right now, I'm just not up to air travel or motorcycle rides in the Texas heat... it won't be much longer, though, till I'll be right there beside him !!! Until next month... good luck and may God bless you ALL !!
(06/29/04)
My hubby & I went down to Houston and met up with several members from the Texas message board. We were supposed to have a picnic but that was a bust because of heavy rains so we went bowling. Whew, did I suck ! Had a GREAT time, though, and that's what counts. The support I get from the Texas board has become SO valuable to me and I just LOVE everyone as if they were my family. Well, gotta run.
(07/01/04)
I had my 3 month post-op check-up with my PCP today.... I love that man ! He made me feel SO good !! He told me I made his day and that he was so proud of me for all that I've accomplished in such a short time. According to his scale I've lost 57 pounds but according to 3 other sets of scales I've weighed on I've lost 60 pounds... I'm sticking with the 60# ! lol I had loads of blood taken to check out how I'm doing nutrition-wise. I hope everything is normal ! I'll find out on July 13th when I see my surgeon... wish me luck. God bless you all and thanks SO much for all your support !!
(07/15/04)
Had my 3 month post-op visit with Dr. Capehart and everything went fine. I have lost 61 pounds, so far, and the doctor said I looked perfect on paper when she referred to my blood tests. I was taking 2 Citracal with Magnesium a day and she reduced it to one a day and also told me to drink more water because I've been having some trouble with constipation. Hopefully, that'll help... I've been pretty miserable.
Oh, my sweet surgeon gave me a nice set of scales from her office that she was about to replace so now I can actually weigh and be confident that the number I see is correct ! The scales my husband purchased right after my surgery REALLY were terrible... if I stood on them 5 times a day to weigh I got 5 different numbers ! THAT is the kind of stuff that'll drive an insecure, weight-obsessed, gastric bypass patient, like me, CRAZY ! lol
I agreed to help Kathryn R's angel, Laura, out by taking on some of her angel duties when Kathryn goes into surgery at the end of the month. Laura had some post-op complications, is still hospitalized, and felt bad because she couldn't be there for Kathryn like Kathryn was for her. I also volunteered to be an angel for Maria Ventura. She's also from Garland & her surgery is on July 21st at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas.
Tonight's our support group meeting... I'm REALLY looking forward to it !! The meeting's boost me up SO much and I learn something new each and every time I attend one... I'd be lost without them !!! I'll get to see my 1st angelette who's still pre-op (Shauna U), all my other friends/supporters, AND of course, Dr. Capehart.
By the way, here's Dr. Capehart's contact info, just in case you may be interested in contacting her.
Dr. Raeann Capehart
1151 North Buckner Boulevard, Suite #105
Dallas, Texas (214) 321-3536
(8/25/04)
I'm down 71 pounds now, to 233 and feeling good except for this past couple of weeks. I have a DVT (blood clot) in my left leg and this makes the FOURTH time I've had a clot in that leg so, needless to say, there's been quite a bit of permanent damage done to the veins and my circulation is terrible ALL the time as a result. I'm having quite a bit of pain in my leg and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. I've been wearing a compression stocking but it doesn't seem to have been of much help. My leg is still extremely swollen & the clot has been moving up and down my leg for the past week. I'm just SO glad I had a filter implanted before my surgery to catch clots before they could get to my heart/lungs... I might be dealing with a pulmonary embolism right now if I hadn't ! My doctor increased my Coumadin from 2.5mg to 5mg a day, last week, and I had to go back and have my blood re-checked yesterday. I got a call from the doc this morning and was told to increase the Coumadin again... this time to 7mg a day. I'm also buying some firmer (20-30mm) compression stockings in an attempt to force the swelling out of my leg. I have been unable to exercise because of the clot and my weight loss was at a stand-still for an entire week... the scale FINALLY showed a 2 pound loss today, though. YIPPEEEEEE !!!!! Anyway, I appreciate your prayers and I miss everyone SO much !!!! I'll update again soon and will be back on the TMB as soon as I get the ok from my doc... God bless.
August 27, 2004 - weight 243lbs. A MUCH happier & healthier me (sitting) with my best friend & angel, Cheryl !
(9/15/04)
Whoooo hooooo...... I'm gonna be referred to as "grandma T", or something similar, come April !!!! This will be our 1st grandchild so we're really excited. Our daughter has some medical problems (asthma & thyroid related), & miscarried a few years ago, so we can't help but be worried. She's almost made it past the first trimester, though, and that's a good sign. Please pray that her & her baby will be ok !!
My weight loss has not been very steady since I've been dealing with the blood clot. I can't exercise but I'm still losing weight, according to my PCP... it averages out to be about 2 pounds a week. MY scale says I've gained 2 pounds but it's THAT time of the month so I'm not fretting too much about it....YET ! hehe
My PCP raised my Coumadin to 10mg a day and the swelling finally started to go down in my leg. He said it'll take about 3 months for the clot to completely dissolve. The blood tests I had done show that I have several abnormalities which are genetic that are making my blood clot so easily. I'll have to continue to take Coumadin the rest of my life & have my blood tested often.
I've been volunteering on the OH photo team for several months but had to take a break due to the blood clot. I decided to go back to doing pics this week and it's been ok, so far. I'm just taking it slow and not sitting too long at a time.
My newest angelette, Lisa Raihl, is having what could be serious medical issues not related to weight loss surgery and I'm really concerned about her ! If you read this please say a little prayer for her. Thanks ! Ok, that's it for now. Take care and NEVER forget... no matter what point you are in your journey you are NOT alone AND.....
(10/14/04)
I had my 6 month post-op appointment with Dr. Capehart and it's official... I've lost 83 pounds, so far, and have a HUGE incisional hernia. She said she wouldn't be surprised if all my underlying stitches were gone. I had been noticing a big, annoying bulge & I just thought I'd stretched my pouch and was REALLY depressed about it ! I never thought I'd be relieved to be told that I need surgery but in this case I'm relieved for 2 reasons... I can get rid of this ALIEN that makes me look pregnant AND I'm having the loose skin on my stomach removed (called a panniculectomy)! Dr. Capehart says I may lose 20+ pounds just from getting rid of the loose skin on my stomach... WOW !! I hope my insurance company approves the panniculectomy !! Will I actually be able to tuck in my shirts & wear a belt for the FIRST time in my life ? Can I actually buy jeans that fit in the waist and also fit in the legs & butt ? Only time will tell but I feel one step closer ! I'm SO blessed to have had this surgery... it's given me my life back !!!!!!! Thank God AND Dr. Capehart !
I thought I'd add a picture of MY new trike here so you could see it ! My husband has a few bikes and a trike of his own but it was my goal to have my own trike one day. Well, now I do... only problem is I don't know how to drive it yet but that's a minor issue ! lol I can ride and I'm SO happy doing that for right now. Just being able to ride again was one of my goals for after I had surgery... it's been YEARS since I had the confidence to get on a motorcycle. Now, we ride a lot and I'm loving it ! Whoooooo hooooooooooooooooo !!!
(10/21/04)
Well, it's been a pretty cool week, so far. On Tuesday my hubby and I drove down to Carls Corner & then on to Waco on the trike. We were part of a motorcycle escort for the travelling Vietnam Wall Experience. I adopted 2 Texas POW/MIA's from the Vietnam War several years ago, and have always been an advocate for veterans, so it was a great honor for me to do this as a way to show my respect to vets & to the heroes of the Vietnam War who didn't make it back home. I have to admit, though, it was a hard ride for a 50 year old woman who's still considered morbidly obese. It definately stood as a reminder to me that although I've lost 85 pounds and feel SO much better than I did, I'm still out of shape, and was not prepared to have the wind beat my poor (still falling out) hair to death nor was I prepared for several hours of 91 degree heat on the back of a motorcycle !! I just want SO badly to be normal and do normal things that I push myself much too hard, sometimes. I did make it there and back in one piece, though, and I'm proud of myself !! Tomorrow we leave for the Boo Benefit in Jefferson, Tx. It's for a good cause... all proceeds go to the Louisiana Burn Camp for Children. Jefferson is further away than Waco and after our little Waco adventure I've smartened up a little ! I'm driving my car down and my husband is riding down on the trike. Once we're there I'll enjoy the trike with him. lol
GREAT NEWS !!!! I found out today that my hernia repair/panniculectomy surgery was approved by Humana !! I've had REALLY good luck with my insurance company and I'm so glad. I've read alot of insurance company related nightmares and they stand as a reminder to me that I am truly blessed to have an insurance company who hasn't jerked me around. I should get a surgery date early next week & I'd appreciate it if you kept me in your thoughts and prayers.... thanks !!
To anyone/everyone who reads this... I'm sorry I tend to ramble on and on. I just want to remember everything so I put it here. God bless ya !! :-)
(11/24/04)
I had my hernia repair/panniculectomy surgery on November 15th, just over a week ago, and let me tell ya it was no picnic. I experienced a great amount of pain and morphine didn't seem to help control it as it did with my gastric bypass surgery. I'm feeling a little better now but I still have to take a pain pill occasionally & it's still hard for me to stand up straight or sit for very long because I feel alot of pressure so I'm spending quite a lot of time lying down. I am moving my legs a LOT, though, so that I don't get another blood clot !! I went in Monday for my follow-up visit and Dr. Capehart says my incision looks good but she decided to leave my two drain tubes in for another week, at least, because I'm still having quite a bit of drainage. I was hoping to have them removed so I could enjoy Thanksgiving with the family and be able to show off my weight loss to those who haven't seen me in awhile by wearing something pretty that FIT me well BUT instead I'll be wearing big, baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt, I guess, and lugging 2 yucky "blood bags" in my pockets. I know the drains play an important role to my recovery so I'll make the best of the situation, though... I just needed to vent a little. ;-)
Now for the good news ! Dr. Capehart removed about 10 POUNDS of loose skin from my stomach and even though I still have a lot of swelling it looks pretty dang good ! During the follow-up visit with Dr. Capehart I found out that I'm now UNDER 200 pounds (199) which makes me a member of the Century Club ! I NEVER thought I'd be able to lose 100 pounds but I've done it and my goal is getting closer in my sights. Thank God for this gift... my life is so incredibly AWESOME now !! Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone... I hope each of you remembers, and is thankful for, all your blessings !!!
(12/22/04)
What a wild month this has been !! I finally got my drain tubes removed almost a month after my surgery NOT because I had stopped draining and no longer needed them but because 7-8 inches of my incision opened up and the drains were rendered almost useless at that point. Here I am over a month post-op & I'm STILL draining... I had NO clue how dang "juicy" I was ! lol My surgeon restitched part of my incision so it wouldn't be so frightening looking and would be easier to maintain. That did help but I'm hoping it'll close SOON and I can stop having to do dressings several times a day. I'm sick of dressings & drainage and I'm really bummed that yet another holiday is upon us and I can't dress like I want because of the thick dressings & the binder I have to wear. I'm happy to say that I'm down to 192 pounds, though, and weigh less than my husband (which was one of my goals.) Whoooo hoooo !!! Looks like I'll have to wait awhile longer to show off my new, flat tummy to the family members we don't see often. Oh well... I'm VERY blessed and don't want to come off as being ungrateful. I just get frustrated because of the limitations I have because of the set back in my recovery.
As this year winds down I want to once again say thanks to my OH family for getting me through 2004 and all the crazy ups & downs it brought me. I can't believe all the wonderful changes and blessings I've experienced this year !! I hope you all have a VERY happy holidays and that God sends many blessings your way in the coming new year. You all mean the world to me and I'm so thankful I found you all... God bless till next time !!
Oh... I'm at 192 now for a loss of 112 pounds, so far. I absolutely HATE the loose skin that's hanging under my chin and am open to suggestions as to how I can firm that skin up ! I've tried facial (A-E-I-O-U) exercises and it's just not working ! HELP !!!!
2005
(01/30/05)
STILL draining but Blaine & I drove down to the Houston area and had a wonderful dinner with friends from the Texas message board in Kemah and then went out for drinks and dancing. I still don't feel confident enough to dance in public but we had fun, anyway, just talking to everyone, listening to music and flirting with each other. Love is GRAND... even after almost 35 years !! It was great to get out of Dallas, see old friends and meet several new ones, and I look forward to doing it again soon. Here's a pic of Blaine & I taken in Houston that night.
(02/06/05)
Well, my weight loss is at a standstill and it's no surprise to me. I'm not exercising and I've been falling into some bad eating habits again. I'll be SO glad when this cold, wet weather is gone. When I'm cold & stuck indoors all I wanna do is EAT ! It's back to basics for me... I still have 35-40 pounds to lose !
(04/08/05)
Well, my 1 year weight loss surgery anniversary was 2 days ago. It was a weird sort of day full of much reflection, alot of happiness & even some tears. I can't believe how much I've changed in just 1 year... my life is TOTALLY different !! Just for the heck of it, I put on the clothes that I wore to Dr. Capehart's 1st support group meeting (when I was still pre-op) and they are SOOOOO huge on me ! I remember when those huge clothes were tight on me... wearing them now made me realize just how much weight I've lost and reminded me of how dang miserable I was when those clothes fit !! I'm really glad now that I saved those old clothes because they will forever serve as a reminder of the awful place, physically AND mentally, I came from just 1 year ago and will, hopefully, keep me focused on eating healthier so I won't end up in that place EVER again.
I so wanted to stop by Dr. Capehart's office and thank her, once again, for saving my life but I chickened out. I've just been so weepy & sentimental the past couple of days I didn't want to get in there and start crying in front of her... how embarrassing THAT would be ! I'll see her next Thursday at the support group meeting, though, and I'm determined to thank her at that time. I've told her, many times, how much I appreciate her but I don't feel like I can ever thank her enough... I hope she never tires of hearing me say those words !
I had Blaine take anniversary pictures of me for my WLS photo album that's STILL just a figment of my imagination ! One of these days I'm actually gonna put one together, though, I swear ! There's really no big changes in my appearance since the last pics of me were taken but I wanted to "officially" document what I look like on my 1 year WLS anniversary, anyway, for memory's sake.
Our daughter still hasn't gone into labor and the baby's past due so her doc is inducing labor tomorrow morning at 8am. I'm thrilled and so very anxious to meet our 1st grandbaby !!!
I appreciate the support I've gotten from the members of OH and I hope I'm always able to pay it forward by helping those who follow me. Till next time, take care and all you post-ops be sure to remember to take your vitamins EVERY DAY !! :-)
(05/31/05)
It's been a fairly long time since I last updated. That's because I have been SO busy with the new man in my life I haven't had much time for anything else !!! No, no, NOT that......... I'm talking about our grandson, Cohen. What a darlin' boy he is... such a blessing to our family !!!!! He was born on April 9th, was 19 1/2 inches long and weighed 7lbs. 9ozs... he's a happy, healthy baby and he's growing like a weed.
My weight is still hovering at some point between 190-195. I worry sometimes that I won't make my goal but I'm feeling SO dang good and am so busy I really don't have all that much time to worry. I still have trouble, sometimes, at night with snacking... that is my worst habit and the hardest to break but I will beat it !!
I had some surgery last Wednesday. I'd noticed a couple of mysterious lumps a few weeks ago and when they didn't go away I contacted the doctor. She didn't seem to think they were very serious but thought it was a good idea to do a biopsy, just to be safe, so we scheduled some time in the operating room. OUCH... I ended up with 3 incisions that have to close from the inside out and they're terribly painful mainly because of where they are. For those who don't know, they're on my butt, and since it hurts to sit down I'm taking a few days off from my volunteer work on the OH photo team. No word, yet, on the biopsy... I'll keep everyone posted when I have some news.
I wrote a few months ago that when I lost weight I'd be going to bike rallies with my darlin', and I've dreamed of doing just that for years, BUT the ROT Rally is coming up soon, down in Austin, and there's NO way I can go... I can hardly sit (due to the surgery) much less ride on a motorcycle. What a bummer... oh well, there's always next year, I guess, and there are other rallies, too. Till next time... be blessed and LOVE one another ! Life's MUCH too short to harbor hatred. :-)
06/05/05
Well, I got some GREAT news... I do NOT have cancer ! Yea ! Turns out the mysterious lumps were a result of something called a peri-rectal abcess. All I can say is I'm glad THAT nightmare is a thing of the past !! Thanks, everyone, for your prayers.
I read a poem today that I found to be SO inspirational and I thought I'd share it here.
DON'T QUIT
When you've eaten too much and you can't write it down,
And you feel like the biggest failure in town.
When you want to give up just because you gave in,
and forget all about being healthy and thin.
So What! You went over your points just a bit,
It's your next move that counts...So don't you quit!
It's a moment of truth, it's an attitude change.
It's learning the skills to get back in your range.
It's telling yourself, "You've done great up till now.
You can take on this challenge and beat it somehow."
It's part of your journey toward reaching your goal.
You're still gonna make it, just stay in control.
To stumble and fall is not a disgrace,
if you summon the will to get back in the race.
But, often the struggler's, when losing their grip,
Just throw in the towel and continue to slip.
And learn too late when the damage is done,
that the race wasn't over...they still could have won.
Lifestyle change can be awkward and slow,
but facing each challenge will help you grow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
the silver tint in a cloud of doubt.
When you're pushing to the brink, just refuse to submit,
If you bite it, you write it....But don't you quit!
~Author Unknown~
Click here to visit the website, Getting2Goal, where I found the poem. |
07/24/05
Some overwhelmingly tragic events have happened in my life recently and I've been struggling to maintain my sanity and to live up to the responsibilities that have fallen in my lap. My mom had a couple of terrible reactions to a psychiatric drug she was taking and almost died. She spiked a temp of 106+ (as a result of something I don't remember the name of) & she also got something called tardive diskenasia from the drug (Abilify) which has left her with continual & uncontrollable body movements. She chews her lips & tongue and her body continually contorts in unusual positions... it pains me to see her like that !!
My mom hasn't always been mentally ill... she had a mental breakdown a few years ago, when she was already elderly, and just never recovered. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia & unfortunately medical professionals have been unable to find a drug that gives her relief from the "voices" which torment her continually. She was put on one of the newer drugs, Abilify, about a year ago and we thought it was THE perfect drug for her because the drug didn't make her unstable on her feet, drool or leave her unable to write, like some of the others had. That drug has now left her with these awful side effects which may never go away. I worry because all the other drugs which treat her illness have the same possible side effects ! Mom has been in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks in order to get her stabilized on a different drug & she was due to come home on Wednesday. That couldn't happen, though.
I didn't hear from my brother (who lived with mom and was her caregiver) for a couple of days, and couldn't reach him on the phone, so Tuesday evening my husband & I drove over to check on him and we found his lifeless body on the kitchen floor. He had, apparently, died Sunday afternoon or evening because the Sunday newspaper was in the house. My heart is breaking and I hurt SO bad inside... I still can't believe my little brother (only 48 years old) is gone ! The coroners report showed his heart was enlarged as a result of high blood pressure and his coronary artery was 50% blocked. I've been making funeral arrangements and notifying relatives, etc, all week and putting on a happy face when the LAST thing I feel is happy but I HAVE to put on that face otherwise I won't be able to manage to do everything, responsibility-wise, that I have to do. I don't have other siblings to help me get thru this and no other relatives living close by so thank God for Blaine.... he's been my rock, as usual, and has been a great help. Breaking the horrible news of my brother's death to my mom & dad was a nightmare !! I was afraid the shock would kill both of them. My dad took the sad news harder than my mom I guess because he's not on heavy drugs that leave people emotionally numb like my mom is. My dad is, physically, much more ill than my mom... he's lived in a skilled nursing center for several years & will be on a ventilator for the rest of his life due to emphysema and COPD.
I'll have to place my mom in a nursing home that is able to take psychiatric patients. I hate to do that but I certainly can't manage her care. Unfortunately, she sees me as "the enemy" and being around me for too long makes her extremely irritated & uncomfortable... I have no clue why that's the case, but it is. I assume it's because I prompt her to bathe regularly, get up to use the restroom and be active when my brother let her convince him that she needed to wear Depends & stay in bed all the time. Anyway, I'm rambling... sorry !
On a side note... my weight is still the same. I feel healthy and my life is MUCH more active & fun but I'd still like to lose a couple dozen more pounds. I have no doubt that I can do that... it'll just take discipline and lots of exercise. Blaine & I went out Saturday night with the Dallas dinner group. We had dinner in Mesquite at the Texas Roadhouse and I think about 40 people showed up. We had a good time... the distraction was GREATLY needed and the company was awesome, as usual !! There are SO many great people on the TMB and I'm thankful that I found them ! To everyone who's been so kind in praying for me and my family... thanks !! We need and appreciate your prayers VERY much ! May God bless you all...
Ok, I had to show off our grandson, Cohen... he's already 4 months old (time sure flies) and he sure has his grandpa and me wrapped around his little finger ! Isn't he precious ? :-)
09/30/05 My brother's grandson was born last Saturday (September 24th.) He's a big boy... he weighed in at almost 10 pounds and was about 21 inches long ! It was a very exciting day... I was in the delivery room with my niece, at her request, and was standing right there when Conar was born !!!! I just wish my brother was here to see his first grandson and watch him grow. I hope he's proudly watching from heaven !
I've still been struggling with my weight. I STILL have that 25-30 pounds I'd like to lose but it's just not happening. It's ALL my fault... I'll lose a couple of pounds and then gain 3 because I sometimes eat crap that's not good for me. It's crazy how easy it's been to slip back into old eating habits when I'm stressed/sad, bored, etc. Most of the people who had surgery close to the time I had mine are already at goal... I get SO mad at myself for not making the best use of the wonderful tool I've been given. I thought I had the food demons beat but I sure found out otherwise. I don't know WHY I can't seem to permanently change my eating habits but it's clear that my willpower sucks, especially since my brother died. Here I am, using junk food for comfort again, when I KNOW that junk food does NOT make me feel comforted, at all... it just makes me fat, unhealthy and miserable !!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................... Lord help me ! I do NOT want to fail again and I just can't go back to the place I was at, mentally & physically, before my surgery. I just CAN'T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(
10/11/05
You'll, no doubt, notice that this entry, as well as many others in my journal, are NOT weight loss related. They're about life and what's going on in mine. I've found that it helps me cope to "spill my guts" here so if you're only interested in reading about weight loss surgery, etc, you should probably move on. :-)
I just got out of the hospital a couple of days ago. For some reason my breast got infected and I had to have surgery. I'm still very confused as to why my breast got infected in the first place but glad to be on the road to recovery. On Thursday night I had just a bit of tenderness in my nipple area and by Friday morning my entire nipple area was red and swollen. Dr. Capehart wasn't in her office so I went in to see a doc in the clinic where my daughter works. She gave me a prescription for pain meds and told me if the redness spread or if the area got hot to the touch to go to the emergency room. Well, by Saturday evening the redness had spread to my entire breast and it was hot and VERY painful, too, so I went to the ER. I was admitted to the hospital and started on heavy-duty IV antibiotics and stayed on them several days but my breast just got more and more swollen so they finally took me into the operating room. The surgeon did a biopsy and drained and cleaned out my breast. What a relief it was to get rid of all that pressure but, man, it sure did hurt BAD to get the dressing changed, especially for the first couple of days post-op, when the infection was still present !! Now that I'm home I'm back to having "nurse" Blaine pack my open wound on a daily basis until it's healed. This is nothing new for him... he's "been there and done that" several times with me. I tell ya, I could never, even in 2 lifetimes, repay him for all he's done for me !! I'm a lucky, lucky woman to have him to share my life with and I love him more with each new day.
I spent the entire week while I was in the hospital worrying about my mom & dad. I'm the only one who visits on a regular basis and I feel guilty when I can't go check on them. Blaine did go by last week and tell them that I was in the hospital so they wouldn't feel as if they'd been deserted. He had to work today, and I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to drive over to visit mom & dad. I had bought my mother a really pretty rug to place beside her bed in an effort to make her room look & feel more "homey." Last week when I saw mom she was in a good place, mentally, so I thought mom would be happy to see me and glad that I was ok but instead she told me to take the rug away and that she wished I'd just go away & leave her alone. Even though I know that my mom is not in her right mind it still breaks my heart that she thinks such terrible, terrible things. She currently is under the delusion that I'm trying to kill her and told me so today !!! I was so shocked, and her reaction was so unexcpected, that tears immediately welled up in my eyes and I told her how badly she always hurts me and that I just wasn't well enough today to deal with her hatefulness & bitterness. Then I told her to have a nice day and left and went down to visit my dad. Thank God he was glad to see me and was feeling fairly good. We had a nice visit even though it's hard for us to communicate. He's on a ventilator and can't speak so I have to read his lips.
I just don't understand mental illness, I guess... maybe that's why I'm SO frustrated and hurt by my mother. A couple of months ago my daughter & I took her only (at that time) great-grandchild, Cohen, to visit her and she seemed happy & acted as if she really enjoyed her visit with him. From that day forward, though, whenever his name is mentioned she has nothing good to say. In fact, she doesn't want to discuss him at all. She's even referred to him as a "fake baby." She will not even look at the pictures of my recently deceased brothers grandson, Conar, that was born a couple of weeks ago... she thinks he's a fake baby, too. She refuses to get out of bed, even to visit the restroom, and gets VERY loud & aggressive if you attempt to convince her to do anything she doesn't want to do. She also refuses to go visit my dad even though he's in the same nursing home she's in... (she says he's "mean" which is a crock of crap) and THAT has HIM depressed as if he's not already depressed enough considering his horrible health and the fact that my brother is dead. I try to make my daddy understand that mom's not "herself" and doesn't mean the things she says and does but I know he is hurt by her just as badly as I am.
Back in early September mom had to be taken from the nursing home back to the psychiatric hospital and her psychiatrist had to get a court order to give her meds by injection because she refused to take her meds and had gotten terribly psychotic and abusive (even more so than usual.) It's a VERY frustrating situation and it's getting to the point where I have to force myself to continue to keep going to visit her !!!! I pray every day that God will give me strength to cope with this situation. I love my mother alot... I just can't FIND her anymore !! :-(
I just saw a BRILLIANT post on the main message board and am placing it here in hopes that it will be helpful to folks who are considering weight loss surgery AND to folks, like me, who've let some old, BAD eating habits slip back into their lifestyle. It is blunt and may seem harsh but it NEEDS to be said so I hope nobody is offended. Thanks to Dx from Mississippi for this and ALL the other informative & supportive posts he makes to the message board.
WARNING! WARNING! WARNING!
This is for those of you who are looking into weight loss surgery or are in the “planning stage,” to get yours... just so it won’t come as a surprise later-
1.) THIS IS MAJOR SURGERY!
And as such, it comes with some givens-
THERE WILL BE PAIN! How much? It seems to be quite different for everyone but I’ve yet to see a person out here that had none.
THERE ARE RISKS OF COMPLICATIONS!
Blood-clots, pneumonia, adverse reactions to anesthesia, (these you get with ANY surgery) and leaks! How great are the risks? That depends on your health, your surgeon, your predilection to any number of ills. If percentages give you comfort they are easy enough to find out here.
THERE IS THE PROBABILITY OF POST-SURGICAL DEPRESSION!
Yes, a PROBABILITY, not just a possibility. With any major surgery people tend to experience depression afterwards. This surgery is NO Exception.
2.) THIS IS NOT A MAGIC CURE FOR OBESITY!
It IS, statistically, the best chance for overcoming obesity.
It IS, the “last resort,” as a method of overcoming obesity.
If you are ready to make a life long commitment then it may work for you. Likewise - If not, it most likely won’t.
3.) THIS IS NOT AN “EASY WAY OUT!”
It is a drastic and complete change of lifestyle that comes with the probability of many challenges to overcome.
There WILL BE some nausea.
How much? It seems to be quite different for everyone.
There WILL BE some Hair Loss.
99.9% of people have this to some degree. How much? It seems to be quite different for everyone.
4.) THIS IS NOT A COSMETIC PROCEDURE!
If you are interested in WLS, so you will “look good,” find something else! Saggy, superfluous and redundant skin is a given.
Look at the “before” photos on the plastic surgery websites. If, even in the furthest back regions of your mind, your motivation for getting WLS is for looks the overwhelming chances are that you
WILL BE greatly disappointed !
5.) THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES!
Statistically, most people succeed at losing 60 to 80% of excess weight as a result of WLS. Some much more and some much less.
EVEN IF, everything goes “text book perfect” with your procedure
and after care, there is a chance that you may be the “statistic” that balances the whole. It MAY NOT WORK!
6.) THERE ARE MORE OPTIONS THAN JUST “GASTRIC BYPASS”
RNY, DS and the Lap-Band are the most popular types of weight-loss surgery - presently. Before assuming that they are all alike, or even remotely similar, research the options. In buying a car you wouldn’t assume that all cars were FORDS. WLS is far more permanent that the purchase of a car. Yes?
7.) THERE ARE SPECIFIC AFTERCARE PROCEDURES AND REGIMENS!
These are specific to each Dr. - Ask and know about them PRIOR to your surgery ! If you find out that your Dr. “has no plan” then find one that does!
The ANSWER
To nearly 30% of the questions asked on AMOS is - "What does YOUR DOCTOR Recommend?”... know this before your surgery.
How do I know all of this?
I’ve read it again and again on this very board! I Repeat- I’ve read it again and again on this very board!
The Exact Wordings of -
THIS IS MAJOR SURGERY!
THIS IS NOT A MAGIC CURE FOR OBESITY!
THIS IS NOT AN “EASY WAY OUT!”
THIS IS NOT A COSMETIC PROCEDURE!
THERE ARE NO GUARANTEES!
THERE ARE MORE OPTIONS THAN JUST “GASTRIC BYPASS”
THERE ARE SPECIFIC AFTERCARE PROCEDURES AND REGIMENS!
“What does YOUR DOCTOR Recommend?”
Now, many of you will say- “We know all of this! What a waste of time!” and yet, DAILY, on one board or another someone is posting -
“If only I had known!”
“No one EVER told me!”
“If I had known this, I’d have NEVER had WLS!!”
And typically people in that first two weeks phase of emotional post-surgical “OH No! What have I done to myself??!?!!” will drop a line out on the boards specifically BLAMING / FLAMING the “WLS cheerleaders” for presenting WLS as an easy, quick solution to being overweight. They SEEM to have NEVER read anything about the challenges of WLS.
Here is my LAST caveat –
It is the INDIVIDUALS RESPONSIBILITY to FIND OUT about WLS BEFORE having it done! This is certainly not intended to “scare off” anyone seriously looking into WLS but, like EVERYTHING IN LIFE, it IS buyer beware! If you find yourself saying-“Why did I never know…?” the answer is - “because you DIDN'T ASK!” Or - “because YOU Heard WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR!”
Why in the world would I put this out here? It seems so negative and non-supportive! I say it now, so that later, when you post in a vulnerable state of nerves and anxiety, - “My Dr. didn’t tell me about_____!!” I can then reply- “Well, bless your heart darlin’, How about trying ______…” No sugar coating on the front end but support for when you’re down later. This seems a lot better than the alternative of the “other way around.” Yes?
Best Wishes
Dx |
2003
(10/21/03)
I really don't know where to start... I'm a MESS, and I know this might be boring to read, but I really want to document everything during my journey so I can look back, once I'm a LOSER, and be reminded "where I came from." I NEVER want to forget !! I'm 49 years old, have been married to my high school sweetheart for almost 31 years, and we have 2 beautiful (all grown up) daughters. I have been unhappy with my weight for as long as I can remember and have been overweight since I was a child. The only real problems I had with weight when I was younger, though, were solely based on vanity and acceptance... I felt fine and was able to carry on with my life. NO more, though... as I've aged my weight has increased and I am at the point, now, where my weight controls practically every aspect of my life. I still don't feel good about how I look but that's not such a big deal anymore... now, my health is pathetic and my LIFE is at risk!
I have missed out on SO many fun activities with my family because I am embarrassed of how I look and I simply don't have the stamina to keep up with them, anyway. This is how bad things have gotten... I can no longer keep up with my daily household chores, I can't walk to the mailbox and back (maybe 20 feet) without being out of breath, my lower back SCREAMS in pain when I stand for even a short time, my legs get numb from carrying the weight of all my fat and my feet and knees ache all the time. I can no longer even sleep in the same room with my husband because my snoring (sleep apnea?) keeps him awake ! I'm afraid one day I'll go to sleep and won't wake up !!!! :( I have a beautiful sports car that my husband bought me a few years ago and I can hardly get in and out of it anymore. It sits in the driveway far more than it's driven. In fact, I rarely leave my home at all. My weekly trips to the grocery store or to visit my elderly parents are a "big event" and they totally wear me out. I'm depressed because of my weight and have been on several anti-depression medications but they don't change the image I see when I look in the mirror and they don't take away the pain I'm in. Dieting has never worked for me and ignoring my weight problem has obviously not made it go away, either. I long for the day when I will feel NORMAL and be healthy/happy... I want to enjoy and actually LIVE life again. I'm sick of being tired, in pain and depressed and I'm afraid I won't live much longer if I don't get some help. I believe WLS is my only hope... I can't lose the weight and keep it off on my own, this I KNOW, without a doubt.
I've been researching WLS for the past couple of years but didn't find this website until about 2 months ago. Since then I have been reading other members profiles like mad ! It may sound kinda silly but I've been reading the profiles to my husband, too, so that we can both get an idea, from them, what to expect in the months ahead. I have gotten SO much helpful information/advice from those profiles AND, best of all, they've given me the extra confidence I needed to do what I know I must do to get my life under control. I am SO thankful that so many people have been willing to openly and honestly share their successes and failures here !!! It's ironic, really, how total strangers can be such an inspiration but they have been, to me, at least ! I just hope they realize how much they are helping others, like me, who really don't have a lot of support from friends/family and who don't know anyone who has had WLS (weight loss surgery). I just hope that I can somehow help other people as much as others here have, unknowingly, helped me !
(10/22/03)
I've finally decided it was LONG past time to stop researching WLS, stop waiting for the weight to "magically" disappear and actually DO something to help myself so I took the first steps today. I made an appointment to see my primary care physician [PCP] (I got an appointment with him for tomorrow!) and I set up a consultation with Bariatric Treatment Center (BTC) in Wylie, Texas for 10/24/03 (day after tomorrow.) I'm totally shocked that I was able to get both appointments so quickly... maybe it's a sign !
I was disappointed to find out that the BTC is out of network so my insurance (United Healthcare) won't pay as much as they would if they were in network. My 2nd choice to do the surgery was Dr. John Alexander but I called his office and discovered that he doesn't work with ANY insurance companies at all. What a disappointment ! I thought I'd end up having to start all over and find a doctor who was in our network but when I told my husband the bad news he said we'll just pay whatever the insurance won't pay... that it was important for me to use a surgeon I felt comfortable with. That was SO sweet of him and is a huge relief to me because I really have been looking forward to having my surgery (open RNY) done at BTC in Wylie... I've read a LOT of good things about the surgeons (and their staff) there. Just the fact that weight loss surgery is all they do gives me a sense of peace. I am SO excited about finally getting the wheels turning and at the same time I'm a bit scared that they will refuse to perform the surgery on me because I have some past health issues that put me at risk for surgery, namely a past heart attack and several incidences of deep vein thrombosis (aka. blood clots.) I'd break my heart to be "rejected" for this surgery but I guess I'll find out Friday one way or the other. If you read this, please say a prayer for me and feel free to e-mail me if ya want...
(10/26/03)
Well... I had my appointment with my PCP and he made it official. I do have arthritis in my knees and I also found out my blood pressure is higher than it's ever been before (148/80.) He (NICELY) suggested that I try to lose a "FEW" pounds and I asked him what he thought about weight loss surgery, expecting negativity, but was surprised when he said that it was experimental but had saved a lot of people's lives and was definately an option I should consider. I told him I already had an appointment for the following day at the Bariatric Treatment Center and he said GOOD FOR YOU and offered to help me in any way he could. I love that guy... I can talk to him and he actually LISTENS to me and supports me. I know I can count on him to write a "medical necessity" letter for my insurance company. Whew !
I had a bad experience at the BTC... just as I'd feared, I was rejected ! I filled out all the paperwork, answered a lot of health-related questions and waited for about 15 minutes to see the doctor. The nurse then came in and told me the doctor recommended that I see a doctor who did surgery from a large hospital because they didn't have an ICU at BTC and my prior heart/blood clotting problems might become a problem during surgery and a large hospital could better handle it if something went wrong. Of course, I was upset because I was all psyched about having my surgery there and had picked out a great doctor but I understand that they were just looking out for my well-being. My husband was with me, thank God, because I sure needed him to give me a pep talk after the bad news.
(10/27/03)
Today, I took the advice of the BTC and called a doctor they recommended for me, Dr. David Provost. He works out of Parkland and Zale Lipshy hospitals in Dallas and he's well-known for taking on "challenging" bariatric cases that some doctors shy away from. I've read a LOT about him and am very impressed in his abilities as a surgeon plus he seems to have an outstanding aftercare program and follows his patients, apparently, for the rest of their lives. That's terrific ! The only problem is his waiting list is extremely LONG and it will probably be months and months before I can even get in to see him for a consultation. His office will be sending me an information packet and some paperwork to fill out... and I'll wait for them to call and set up an appointment. Surgery seems SOOOOOOOOOOO far away now. It was my "dream" to be post-op by my 50th birthday in June 2004 and, hopefully, many pounds lighter and feeling healthier by then ! Oh well... it's been said that good things come to those who wait so I'll wait and try my best to keep a positive outlook. If you read this and would like to e-mail me, please do...
(11/11/03)
Well... I got the information packet from Dr. Provost, answered all the medical history questions, and mailed it back to him a few days ago. I'm hoping I'll be getting a call from his office soon to set up my consultation date. Even if the consultation ends up being months from now at least I'll have a date to look forward to and my new beginnig will seem more real. Right now it seems like a dream that's never going to come true. I'm going nuts with anticipation and I don't feel as if anyone in my family shares my excitement and understands why this is just about all I can think about. I want SO badly to be FREE from the bondage that my weight has created and it can't happen soon enough for me ! I've practically isolated myself from the world because I feel so bad all the time and because I know I look bad, too.
I told my husband tonight that I don't have a clue what it's going to feel like to be in the "normal" weight range... I've always been overweight. I haven't weighed under 150lbs since I was about 11 or 12 years old and most of my life I've been well over 200lbs. I don't think I've mentioned my weight and height here yet and I want to document it. I weigh 294lbs and I'm 5'5" tall. I don't own a scale so I found out my height/weight when I went to BTC for the 1st consultation. I also found out that I have shrunk 2 inches... I was 5'7" in high school !!! Ok... that's my rant for tonight. If you need an "ear" I'm only an e-mail away...
(12/21/03)
My friend, Laura, had her surgery last week on December 16th and she is doing just great. I'm SO happy for her but I must admit I'm a bit jealous, too, because I wanted SO badly to have had my surgery before the year was over. I'm forced to wait until the new year to see a doctor, though, because the City of Dallas is changing insurance carriers at that time, and besides, I chose to wait till after the new year because I wanted to spend Christmas with my family, not in the hospital or at home recovering from surgery. That's all for now... peace and Happy Holidays to all of you.
2004
(1/11/04) Well, I decided to give up on Dr. Provost... I just can't wait a year for a consultation and I was told by his staff that his next opening is in Jan. 2005 ! I contacted Dr. Raeann Capehart and have a consultation date with her on January 29th ! I can't believe I got in to see her so quickly and, needless to say, I'm totally excited !! I have other news... my best friend in the world also made a date with Dr. Capehart for a consultation... she's seeing her the first week in February ! I'm so excited for her and I look forward to the day when neither of us has to struggle as morbidly obese people ! I'll update again after my consult... maybe by then this profile page will have it's "beauty makeover." hehe I've made a request with the html team at ObesityHelp.com... just waiting in line, now, for my turn to roll around. :)
(1/22/04)
This week was a good one for me and I just couldn't wait until after my consultation with the doc to document it. hehe First, I was surprised to find that my profile page, which was once extremely bland looking, is now beautiful. My thanks go to our AMOS volunteer, Sharon Bryant, who worked her magic to make it look so good !!!
Tuesday night (January 20th) Cheryl and I attended our first support group meeting... it was out in Lancaster, which is fairly far away, but I enjoyed spending time with Cheryl so much that the drive seemed to be really short. The meeting itself was very informal, and we didn't learn much about WLS that we didn't already know, but we met some very nice people there and had a great time. I was a bit disappointed that the surgeon who was supposed to be there didn't attend because he had an emergency surgery... those things happen, though, and are unavoidable.
THE best thing that happened this week, though, happened tonight. Cheryl and I went to Dr. Capehart's 1st support group meeting in the professional building across from Doctor's Hospital in Dallas and, boy, was it awesome ! Dr. Capehart REALLY impressed both of us... she was SO down to earth and honest. There was a plastic surgeon there to speak to the group and he was awfully sweet and informative. Also, 2 women who represented a company who makes protein suppliments & vitamins, etc, were there and they passed out some samples. The vitamins seem good but I thought the protein drink, which came in caramel and strawberry flavor were WAY too sweet. Anyway, I'll be having my consultation with Dr. Capehart in just ONE WEEK... I can't wait to meet with her one on one and get the ball rolling ! More later... God bless one and all and thanks again, Sharon, for the wonderful job you did on my profile page !!
(2/01/04)
Well, I had my consultation with Dr. Capehart and I'm even more impressed with her than I was when I met her at the support group meeting. My husband went along with me and she spoke to us for over an hour and a half ! I had a list of questions about a mile long and she answered each and every one of them in a way that we could easily understand. My husband was impressed with her, as well, and made the comment that he'd never met a doctor who was as unrushed and thorough as she was. I found out a few things from the doctor that I'm pretty happy about.
1) She has a phenomenal complication rate... NO deaths and she has been doing gastric bypass surgery since 1978.
2) She doesn't require her patients to do a pre-op bowel prep (take a laxative)... all she requires is that you not eat or drink anything after midnight the night before the procedure.
3) She does not catheterize her patients for surgery... she says she wants you up and going to the bathroom as soon as possible.
4) She also allows her patients to shower as soon as they feel like doing so.
5) She removes the drain tube before her patients leave the hospital to go home which is cool with me because I've read how uncomfortable those tubes are once people begin to heal.
6) She doesn't require her patients to take a leak test, post-op, because she said she can tell if there's a leak by looking at what's coming from the drain tube and most leaks don't show up in the test, anyway.
7) She removes all her patient's gallbladders during surgery and I figure that's a good thing since it seems like a lot of gastric bypass patients have to end up having it removed at some point down the "weight-loss road."
I spoke with Dr. Capehart about having a Greenfield filter implanted, pre-op, to eliminate the possibility of me having a pulmonary embolism since I have a long history of deep-vein thrombosis (blood clots) and she thought that was a good idea. She also wants me to have a sleep study done because I told her I suspect I may have sleep apnea. I'll also have a drug-induced stress test done to make sure my heart ok. That and blood work are the only tests she mentioned I'll be needing to get pre-op. Of course, she may tell me to have others at a later date or the insurance company may require tests that I don't know about yet. I do know I have to stop smoking and that, without a doubt, is going to be a real challenge for me. Soooo... another wait begins but I'm one more step closer to the new improved, and HEALTHY, me !! Hopefully, Humana will approve my surgery and I'll get a date soon ! God bless ya all and thanks SO much to the AMOS members on the Texas message board who are a daily inspiration to me !!
(02/20/04)
The past 2 days have been overwhelming to put it mildly. I called Humana on Tuesday to see about their progress with my paperwork and was told that they hadn't received it from Dr. Capehart's office yet so I called Linda, Dr. Capehart's office manager, and she told me she'd faxed it to them. I let Wednesday go by and then on Thursday morning I called Humana once again expecting to be told the same thing I'd been told on Tuesday... well, I wasn't ! When the woman told me that my upcoming surgery had been APPROVED I was so taken off guard I burst into tears and was laughing, crying, thanking her and thanking the Lord. That poor woman must have thought I was nuts ! lol
Last night (Thursday Feb. 19th) was Dr. Capehart's monthly support group meeting. I swear, I love that woman more every time I see her and I could listen to her talk an entire day without being bored. The biggest news of the week, though, is that I got a call this morning from Linda in Dr. Capehart's office and she gave me a surgery date of April 6th !!!! I have to have a sleep study done, a cardiac stress test (which I am doing the first week of March) and get the Greenfield filter implanted and the pre-op bloodwork done (which will be ordered 1 week before the surgery) and I'll be all set to go ! I have the pulmonary function test behind me now. I went to Dr. Peikari, my PCP, today and I didn't do all that well with the test but it could have been MUCH worse. The doctor gave me a prescription (Advair inhaler) to take until I have my surgery to help strengthen my lungs. He also told me I need to stop smoking, or at least cut WAY back, which is something I already knew I must do. My husband went into Mexico while he was down in south Texas last week and picked up some Zyban to help me stop smoking (actually it was Wellbutrin, which is an antidepressant, but it's the same drug as Zyban marketed under another name.) I also bought some Nicoderm CQ patches and have set my quit date for March 1st which is a little over a week from today. I know it's gonna be REALLY tough to stop smoking, even though I really want to, because I have been a smoker since age 15... that's over 34 YEARS ! Whoever is reading this, if anyone actually is, PLEASE say a little prayer for me... I certainly need all the help I can get !!
(02/24/04)
I guess I'll try to stop smoking a few days before my official quit date because I'll be running out of cigarettes soon and don't want to buy anymore. It'll do me good to stop earlier than I planned, anyway, since my surgery date is right around the corner. I made an appointment to see a doctor for my sleep study and the consultation with him is on Thursday, Feb. 26th. I hope I'm able to get in to a sleep center and have the actual study done REALLY soon because if I do have sleep apnea I need to be on a C-Pap machine, at night, for as long as possible before surgery... 6+ weeks is ideal so I'm cutting it real close here. Linda, from Dr. Capehart's office, called this morning and gave me a date to get that Greenfield filter implanted... it'll happen March 30th at 9:00am.
I've seen a lot of people mention their "after weight loss surgery" goals in their profiles. One of my goals has to do with motorcycling, which reminds me... my sweetie is on his way, at this very moment, to Daytona Florida for Bike Week. He's gone to the Sturgis Rally, to the 100 year Harley-Davidson Anniversary Rally in Milwaukee, and now to Daytona, without me. Next year I'll be thinner, healthier and my goal is to go to those rallies with him, and hopefully, I'll be riding a custom trike of my own ! Well, I guess that's all for now. Peace be with you all and God bless !!
(03/02/04)
I did a drug-induced cardiac stress test today and let me tell you it was NOT a good experience. I seriously thought I was gonna die, but I didn't, and that's one more test I now have behind me. Yippeeeeee ! More later...
(03/19/04)
Boy, it's really been a wild few weeks. I have actually stopped smoking after 34 years... that amazes me !!! It was very hard the first few days, I cried alot and slept as much as I could because all I could think about was smoking, but it's gotten easier and easier with every day that goes by. I'm sure I've gained some weight, though, now that my taste buds have been re-born but April 6th, my surgery date, is coming up soon and that weight will soon be a distant memory !
I am now sleeping with a C-PAP machine at night. I recently spent the night in a hospital and did my sleep study... what a trip THAT was. You're hooked up to lots of wires that monitor your breathing, eye movements, leg movements, oxygen saturation, brain activity, etc, and are told that your sleep will be monitored. Let me tell ya... it's not easy going to sleep with all those wires attached to every part of your body but it's even harder when you know that someone is watching and listening to your every move !! I did, finally, fall asleep and was awakened at 6am, which is WAY too early in my opinion, and told the study was over and I could leave. Later in the day I got a call and was told that I had some trouble when I went into REM sleep and was told that I needed to set an appointment for phase 2 of the sleep study. WHAT ? I didn't know I'd have to go again ! Well, I went and it was a replay of the first night, wires and all, only this time there's an addition... the C-PAP machine. I had a terrible time with the headgear and mask... it was bulky and to have it covering my face made me feel VERY claustrophobic & sent me into panic mode. I also tried using the headgear with nasal pillows and had trouble with that, too. Finally, I tried using a Nasal Aire II, which doesn't have any of the annoying headgear that the others did and works like an oxygen cannula. I finally got to sleep about 1-2am and slept 4-5 hours. I was later given an official diagnosis of obstructive sleep apnea which is why I have to use a C-PAP now. My apnea is apparently not too bad, though... my machine setting is at 9 with 20 being the highest and 6 being the lowest. My doc seems to think that using the machine is a VERY temporary thing and as soon as I lose some weight I'll be able to leave the machine behind. That would be great... we'll see.
Cheryl, my best friend, has postponed her surgery. Just before her consultation appointment with Dr. Capehart she discovered that her insurance has a strict exclusion against any weight related treatments, including gastric bypass surgery, and so she was forced to cancel the consultation appointment and seek other options. She did alot of research and made plans to go to Mexico to have D/S surgery because it's much more affordable there. The timing wasn't good, though, and things are now in limbo. I love her so much... I pray that everything will work out for her and that she'll be happy. She's an awesome woman and has been a wonderful friend (adopted sis) to me for almost 30 years ! It amazes me to think that some people live their entire lives never having met a TRUE friend yet I found both Cheryl AND my husband Blaine. How cool is that ?!?!
Well... I'm all sentimental, as you can see. The upcoming surgery has me thinking alot. That's it for now, though... God bless ya ALL !!!
(03/28/04)
I go in Tuesday (March 30th) to get the Greenfield Filter implanted and for my final pre-op testing... surgery is only about a week away and to be honest I'm getting really scared. I'm TRYING hard not to do this but I keep thinking about dying. I've had surgery several times before and I wasn't all scared and weepy then but this time is different. I've come to the conclusion that it's MUCH tougher to have gastric bypass surgery because you usually have to wait months for your surgery date to roll around once you finally get a date. During those months there's plenty of time to sit and worry about all the what if's and boy have I been doing that for the past few weeks ! I know my decision to have the surgery is the right one and that God is with me but I guess it's just human nature to be afraid of the unknown. I'll sure be glad when I'm finally on the other side, that's for sure !!! If anyone reads this prior to April 6th, 2004 (my surgery date) PLEASE remember me in your thoughts and prayers. I really need to find the strength to be brave and not to openly cry on my surgery day... I don't want to upset my family and I don't want the medical staff to see me that way, either ! Wish me luck !!
(04/03/04)
I can't make another entry in this journal without documenting how precious my husband is to me and how supportive he's been, especially recently. Bless his heart... in many ways my obesity has dominated his life, too, yet he never stopped loving me. These past few weeks we've been able to spend quite a bit of time together and it's been SO much fun. I know he's REALLY proud of me for quitting smoking... he never thought I'd actually do it and I know he's experiencing alot of the same crazy emotional issues I am. He still mentions, from time to time, that I'll probably lose my weight, find someone "better" & leave him, and I keep reassuring him that it's NOT going to happen... he's my soulmate, always has been, and there is NOBODY better for me than him. I love him so... I just hope I live through this surgery and can experience life with him as a healthy woman !!! He's taken a month's leave from work to be with me after my surgery and has vowed to do whatever I need him to do to make me comfortable as I recover. That says alot about his love for me because some of the stuff he'll be doing won't be pretty !!! rofl
I finally had the filter implanted into my vena cava on April 2nd. I was supposed to have had the procedure on the 30th of March but my blood was too thin at that time so I was sent home and had to stop taking Coumadin for 3 days. My blood was still pretty thin when I went in on Friday so the radiologist suggested I either opt to have the filter implanted starting in my arm (instead of the groin or neck) since bleeding could be controlled easier in the arm OR he said we could wait until Monday (the day before my surgery) to do the procedure. I opted not to wait so he implanted it through my arm. VERY weird experience... I could feel the catheter moving through my body even as it went through my heart. That was pretty scary...
WOW... less than 3 days left till my surgery !!! I'm scared to death & I don't have the nerve to ask my fellow OH members for help ! I've always taken on the role of supporter on the message board and now that I need support I'm afraid to ask for it. I have this crazy fear that none of the people I've supported all these months will respond, if I do ask, and if that happened I'd be totally crushed. Heck, all day today I've been worried that nobody will sign my surgery page and that one of my angels has deserted me !!!! My emotions are going berzerk !!!! I don't understand these crazy emotional issues I'm having and I don't know how to get rid of them... I sure don't like 'em, though ! Lord, help me...
(04/19/04)
Well, I lived through the surgery and have been back home for a couple of weeks now. I had mixed experience at the hospital... the nurses and staff were all wonderful and VERY attentive. I didn't like being seperated from my family & best friend 30 minutes before my scheduled surgery time only to be forced to sit & wait, alone, for over an hour until I was finally taken into surgery, though. My surgery was delayed because the anesthesiologist was late arriving at the hospital... my family wasn't informed of that delay so they assumed I was taken into surgery, at 7:30am, as scheduled. On top of that, Dr. Capehart ran into some problems that made my surgery take longer so the family began to get frantic as noon, then 1pm, approached and they'd heard nothing.
I had no Morphine or other pain medication the whole 1st day after surgery because the pump was broken... I pushed the button but nothing was being dispensed and I didn't know it. Needless to say I was miserable... that's not the hospital's fault, though.
Being newly post-op has been very challenging to me ! At first, just smelling food made me want to puke (I guess the anesthesia had something to do with it) and EVERYTHING I did force myself to eat tasted extremely salty. Then, poof, after a few days food smelled (and tasted) pretty good again. I've been feeling pretty confused about what I can and can't eat and I've been worried that the portions I'm eating have been too much. I did go for my 2 week post-op visit today (yesterday) and discovered that I've lost 29 pounds since my surgery date (2 weeks ago tomorrow) !! Dr. Capehart said I was doing good so I'm going to try to stop worrying so much.
Foods I've eaten, so far, post-op:
oatmeal, cream of wheat, malt-o-meal
several flavors of REGULAR jello
yogurt (various flavors)
scrambled eggs & cheese
cottage cheese
pintos & cheese (from Taco Bell)
a few pork rinds (because I really MISS crunchy foods)
string cheese
vegetable soup, cream soups
tuna salad
sugar-free popsicles
canned pears and peaches (eaten with cottage cheese)
Tonight I had almost a whole piece of bacon and 1/2 of a sausage link with a small amount of scrambled eggs and I felt pretty bad for awhile... in fact, I puked. I think it was my pouch saying it's too early for pork ! ;-)
My husband has been a BLESSING to me through this whole thing and I feel so fortunate to have him. He stayed with me day & night when I was in the hospital and has been better than I could ever have imagined in caring for me since I've returned home. I must admit... I'm getting really spoiled and am LOVING the extra attention I've been getting from him. I don't expect it to last forever, though... he has to get back to work, etc, soon.
Thanks to all the AMOS members who've been so supportive to be, so far... you're truly angels and I appreciate you a lot. Well, may God bless one and all 'till next month ! :-)
(05/18/04)
This past weekend I attended OH's 1st National Convention in Arlington Texas. It was a BLAST !! I was initially a little hesitant to go. I thought I'd feel left out because I didn't know anyone BUT I never made it past the reservation desk at the hotel before 2 sweet ladies (Charlotte Herron & Becky Vee) spoke to me !!! Within minutes of arriving at the Wyndham Hotel I was down in the lobby helping Bo (an OH staff member) stuff folders to be given out to other people who attended the convention. I met a bunch of great people there and one of them was one of my Friday night roommates, WLS Deb. Deb is an awesome lady and I'm so proud to call her my friend !! My best friend, Cheryl, came in after she got off work on Friday & stayed until my husband arrived Saturday afternoon. On Friday night Cheryl was exhausted and wanted to get to bed early so I went out to karaoke with about 40 other OH members and that was great fun. On Saturday night we had a luau and, thanks to Tracy P, it was a huge success. Saturday and Sunday, during the day, were filled with various guest speakers who were interesting & motivational to both pre-ops & post-ops. I'm SO glad I went to that convention... it was more fun than I've had in YEARS and I didn't feel self-concious about my weight AT ALL !!! I may even try to make it up to Tulsa for the one there later on in the summer. :-)
(05/30/04)
Well, here we are at the end of May already. I had my 6 week post-op appointment last week and found out that I've lost 49 pounds, so far. My scales at home say I've lost about 9 pounds less than that but my surgeon swears that her scales are VERY accurate so I'll trust her. Overall, I'm feeling GREAT ! I'm FAR more active now and am always on the go. We bought a treadmill and I'm starting out slow but hope to be able to walk for at least 30 minutes 3 times a week, eventually.
My oldest daughter & my husband went to my support group meeting with me this month. I thought that was VERY nice of them ! My daughter said something there that was kinda embarrassing but oh so true ! We were talking about lifestyle changes after surgery and she said something like... "everything's SO weird since my mom had surgery. For years I could call my mom and she was always at home... now she's always gone. Plus... she & my dad are all "ushy-gushy" in love again.... YUCK !" That got a big laugh from everyone... I didn't look at my husband but I'm sure his face was red. lol
I'm still having some issues with food. Many things that I liked when I was pre-op just don't taste good to me now. Take cheese, for instance... ALL cheese tastes awful to me so I don't eat cheese much anymore. Foods don't even smell the same anymore... weird ! I find myself eating a lot of chicken (I prefer it grilled & served with sauteed mushrooms), yogurt and cottage cheese for protein but I'm getting pretty bored with them all. I've been craving steak and haven't had it since surgery... hopefully it will taste the same as it once did and my pouch will find it agreeable !!
It seems as if I will never be able to get my daily requirement of protein in by just eating so I bought some samples of a few different protein suppliments online from Texas Weight Loss Supply. I tried one of the shake mixes (Champion's Chocolate Whey Stack) today and it was actually pretty good. I just mixed a scoop and a half in a glass of cold water, stir it well and added a few ice cubes and that small drink gave me about over 30 grams of protein... WOW ! Here's a tip... be sure to add protein powder to water and not the other way around. For some reason you get little to no lumps when you add it to water but if you put the powder in the glass and then add the water it lumps up & it's really hard to get the lumps out.
This is a lonely Memorial Day weekend for me. It's rainy & there's nobody on the Texas message board... my sweetie is in Cozumel Mexico on a dive trip with some buddies. The warm weather has brought an increase in activity for most people, including my husband. The day after he returns from the dive trip he'll be leaving for the ROT (Republic of Texas) Motorcycle Rally down in Austin. I can't wait until I'm physically able to do those things with him again. Right now, I'm just not up to air travel or motorcycle rides in the Texas heat... it won't be much longer, though, till I'll be right there beside him !!! Until next month... good luck and may God bless you ALL !!
(06/29/04)
My hubby & I went down to Houston and met up with several members from the Texas message board. We were supposed to have a picnic but that was a bust because of heavy rains so we went bowling. Whew, did I suck ! Had a GREAT time, though, and that's what counts. The support I get from the Texas board has become SO valuable to me and I just LOVE everyone as if they were my family. Well, gotta run.
(07/01/04)
I had my 3 month post-op check-up with my PCP today.... I love that man ! He made me feel SO good !! He told me I made his day and that he was so proud of me for all that I've accomplished in such a short time. According to his scale I've lost 57 pounds but according to 3 other sets of scales I've weighed on I've lost 60 pounds... I'm sticking with the 60# ! lol I had loads of blood taken to check out how I'm doing nutrition-wise. I hope everything is normal ! I'll find out on July 13th when I see my surgeon... wish me luck. God bless you all and thanks SO much for all your support !!
(07/15/04)
Had my 3 month post-op visit with Dr. Capehart and everything went fine. I have lost 61 pounds, so far, and the doctor said I looked perfect on paper when she referred to my blood tests. I was taking 2 Citracal with Magnesium a day and she reduced it to one a day and also told me to drink more water because I've been having some trouble with constipation. Hopefully, that'll help... I've been pretty miserable.
Oh, my sweet surgeon gave me a nice set of scales from her office that she was about to replace so now I can actually weigh and be confident that the number I see is correct ! The scales my husband purchased right after my surgery REALLY were terrible... if I stood on them 5 times a day to weigh I got 5 different numbers ! THAT is the kind of stuff that'll drive an insecure, weight-obsessed, gastric bypass patient, like me, CRAZY ! lol
I agreed to help Kathryn R's angel, Laura, out by taking on some of her angel duties when Kathryn goes into surgery at the end of the month. Laura had some post-op complications, is still hospitalized, and felt bad because she couldn't be there for Kathryn like Kathryn was for her. I also volunteered to be an angel for Maria Ventura. She's also from Garland & her surgery is on July 21st at Baylor Medical Center in Dallas.
Tonight's our support group meeting... I'm REALLY looking forward to it !! The meeting's boost me up SO much and I learn something new each and every time I attend one... I'd be lost without them !!! I'll get to see my 1st angelette who's still pre-op (Shauna U), all my other friends/supporters, AND of course, Dr. Capehart.
By the way, here's Dr. Capehart's contact info, just in case you may be interested in contacting her.
Dr. Raeann Capehart
1151 North Buckner Boulevard, Suite #105
Dallas, Texas (214) 321-3536
(8/25/04)
I'm down 71 pounds now, to 233 and feeling good except for this past couple of weeks. I have a DVT (blood clot) in my left leg and this makes the FOURTH time I've had a clot in that leg so, needless to say, there's been quite a bit of permanent damage done to the veins and my circulation is terrible ALL the time as a result. I'm having quite a bit of pain in my leg and it doesn't seem to be getting much better. I've been wearing a compression stocking but it doesn't seem to have been of much help. My leg is still extremely swollen & the clot has been moving up and down my leg for the past week. I'm just SO glad I had a filter implanted before my surgery to catch clots before they could get to my heart/lungs... I might be dealing with a pulmonary embolism right now if I hadn't ! My doctor increased my Coumadin from 2.5mg to 5mg a day, last week, and I had to go back and have my blood re-checked yesterday. I got a call from the doc this morning and was told to increase the Coumadin again... this time to 7mg a day. I'm also buying some firmer (20-30mm) compression stockings in an attempt to force the swelling out of my leg. I have been unable to exercise because of the clot and my weight loss was at a stand-still for an entire week... the scale FINALLY showed a 2 pound loss today, though. YIPPEEEEEE !!!!! Anyway, I appreciate your prayers and I miss everyone SO much !!!! I'll update again soon and will be back on the TMB as soon as I get the ok from my doc... God bless.
(9/15/04)
Whoooo hooooo...... I'm gonna be referred to as "grandma T", or something similar, come April !!!! This will be our 1st grandchild so we're really excited. Our daughter has some medical problems (asthma & thyroid related), & miscarried a few years ago, so we can't help but be worried. She's almost made it past the first trimester, though, and that's a good sign. Please pray that her & her baby will be ok !!
My weight loss has not been very steady since I've been dealing with the blood clot. I can't exercise but I'm still losing weight, according to my PCP... it averages out to be about 2 pounds a week. MY scale says I've gained 2 pounds but it's THAT time of the month so I'm not fretting too much about it....YET ! hehe
My PCP raised my Coumadin to 10mg a day and the swelling finally started to go down in my leg. He said it'll take about 3 months for the clot to completely dissolve. The blood tests I had done show that I have several abnormalities which are genetic that are making my blood clot so easily. I'll have to continue to take Coumadin the rest of my life & have my blood tested often.
I've been volunteering on the OH photo team for several months but had to take a break due to the blood clot. I decided to go back to doing pics this week and it's been ok, so far. I'm just taking it slow and not sitting too long at a time.
My newest angelette, Lisa Raihl, is having what could be serious medical issues not related to weight loss surgery and I'm really concerned about her ! If you read this please say a little prayer for her. Thanks ! Ok, that's it for now. Take care and NEVER forget... no matter what point you are in your journey you are NOT alone AND.....
(10/14/04)
I had my 6 month post-op appointment with Dr. Capehart and it's official... I've lost 83 pounds, so far, and have a HUGE incisional hernia. She said she wouldn't be surprised if all my underlying stitches were gone. I had been noticing a big, annoying bulge & I just thought I'd stretched my pouch and was REALLY depressed about it ! I never thought I'd be relieved to be told that I need surgery but in this case I'm relieved for 2 reasons... I can get rid of this ALIEN that makes me look pregnant AND I'm having the loose skin on my stomach removed (called a panniculectomy)! Dr. Capehart says I may lose 20+ pounds just from getting rid of the loose skin on my stomach... WOW !! I hope my insurance company approves the panniculectomy !! Will I actually be able to tuck in my shirts & wear a belt for the FIRST time in my life ? Can I actually buy jeans that fit in the waist and also fit in the legs & butt ? Only time will tell but I feel one step closer ! I'm SO blessed to have had this surgery... it's given me my life back !!!!!!! Thank God AND Dr. Capehart !
I thought I'd add a picture of MY new trike here so you could see it ! My husband has a few bikes and a trike of his own but it was my goal to have my own trike one day. Well, now I do... only problem is I don't know how to drive it yet but that's a minor issue ! lol I can ride and I'm SO happy doing that for right now. Just being able to ride again was one of my goals for after I had surgery... it's been YEARS since I had the confidence to get on a motorcycle. Now, we ride a lot and I'm loving it ! Whoooooo hooooooooooooooooo !!!
(10/21/04)
Well, it's been a pretty cool week, so far. On Tuesday my hubby and I drove down to Carls Corner & then on to Waco on the trike. We were part of a motorcycle escort for the travelling Vietnam Wall Experience. I adopted 2 Texas POW/MIA's from the Vietnam War several years ago, and have always been an advocate for veterans, so it was a great honor for me to do this as a way to show my respect to vets & to the heroes of the Vietnam War who didn't make it back home. I have to admit, though, it was a hard ride for a 50 year old woman who's still considered morbidly obese. It definately stood as a reminder to me that although I've lost 85 pounds and feel SO much better than I did, I'm still out of shape, and was not prepared to have the wind beat my poor (still falling out) hair to death nor was I prepared for several hours of 91 degree heat on the back of a motorcycle !! I just want SO badly to be normal and do normal things that I push myself much too hard, sometimes. I did make it there and back in one piece, though, and I'm proud of myself !! Tomorrow we leave for the Boo Benefit in Jefferson, Tx. It's for a good cause... all proceeds go to the Louisiana Burn Camp for Children. Jefferson is further away than Waco and after our little Waco adventure I've smartened up a little ! I'm driving my car down and my husband is riding down on the trike. Once we're there I'll enjoy the trike with him. lol
GREAT NEWS !!!! I found out today that my hernia repair/panniculectomy surgery was approved by Humana !! I've had REALLY good luck with my insurance company and I'm so glad. I've read alot of insurance company related nightmares and they stand as a reminder to me that I am truly blessed to have an insurance company who hasn't jerked me around. I should get a surgery date early next week & I'd appreciate it if you kept me in your thoughts and prayers.... thanks !!
To anyone/everyone who reads this... I'm sorry I tend to ramble on and on. I just want to remember everything so I put it here. God bless ya !! :-)
(11/24/04)
I had my hernia repair/panniculectomy surgery on November 15th, just over a week ago, and let me tell ya it was no picnic. I experienced a great amount of pain and morphine didn't seem to help control it as it did with my gastric bypass surgery. I'm feeling a little better now but I still have to take a pain pill occasionally & it's still hard for me to stand up straight or sit for very long because I feel alot of pressure so I'm spending quite a lot of time lying down. I am moving my legs a LOT, though, so that I don't get another blood clot !! I went in Monday for my follow-up visit and Dr. Capehart says my incision looks good but she decided to leave my two drain tubes in for another week, at least, because I'm still having quite a bit of drainage. I was hoping to have them removed so I could enjoy Thanksgiving with the family and be able to show off my weight loss to those who haven't seen me in awhile by wearing something pretty that FIT me well BUT instead I'll be wearing big, baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt, I guess, and lugging 2 yucky "blood bags" in my pockets. I know the drains play an important role to my recovery so I'll make the best of the situation, though... I just needed to vent a little. ;-)
Now for the good news ! Dr. Capehart removed about 10 POUNDS of loose skin from my stomach and even though I still have a lot of swelling it looks pretty dang good ! During the follow-up visit with Dr. Capehart I found out that I'm now UNDER 200 pounds (199) which makes me a member of the Century Club ! I NEVER thought I'd be able to lose 100 pounds but I've done it and my goal is getting closer in my sights. Thank God for this gift... my life is so incredibly AWESOME now !! Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone... I hope each of you remembers, and is thankful for, all your blessings !!!
(12/22/04)
What a wild month this has been !! I finally got my drain tubes removed almost a month after my surgery NOT because I had stopped draining and no longer needed them but because 7-8 inches of my incision opened up and the drains were rendered almost useless at that point. Here I am over a month post-op & I'm STILL draining... I had NO clue how dang "juicy" I was ! lol My surgeon restitched part of my incision so it wouldn't be so frightening looking and would be easier to maintain. That did help but I'm hoping it'll close SOON and I can stop having to do dressings several times a day. I'm sick of dressings & drainage and I'm really bummed that yet another holiday is upon us and I can't dress like I want because of the thick dressings & the binder I have to wear. I'm happy to say that I'm down to 192 pounds, though, and weigh less than my husband (which was one of my goals.) Whoooo hoooo !!! Looks like I'll have to wait awhile longer to show off my new, flat tummy to the family members we don't see often. Oh well... I'm VERY blessed and don't want to come off as being ungrateful. I just get frustrated because of the limitations I have because of the set back in my recovery.
As this year winds down I want to once again say thanks to my OH family for getting me through 2004 and all the crazy ups & downs it brought me. I can't believe all the wonderful changes and blessings I've experienced this year !! I hope you all have a VERY happy holidays and that God sends many blessings your way in the coming new year. You all mean the world to me and I'm so thankful I found you all... God bless till next time !!
Oh... I'm at 192 now for a loss of 112 pounds, so far. I absolutely HATE the loose skin that's hanging under my chin and am open to suggestions as to how I can firm that skin up ! I've tried facial (A-E-I-O-U) exercises and it's just not working ! HELP !!!!
2005
(01/30/05)
STILL draining but Blaine & I drove down to the Houston area and had a wonderful dinner with friends from the Texas message board in Kemah and then went out for drinks and dancing. I still don't feel confident enough to dance in public but we had fun, anyway, just talking to everyone, listening to music and flirting with each other. Love is GRAND... even after almost 35 years !! It was great to get out of Dallas, see old friends and meet several new ones, and I look forward to doing it again soon.
(02/06/05)
Well, my weight loss is at a standstill and it's no surprise to me. I'm not exercising and I've been falling into some bad eating habits again. I'll be SO glad when this cold, wet weather is gone. When I'm cold & stuck indoors all I wanna do is EAT ! It's back to basics for me... I still have 35-40 pounds to lose !
(04/08/05)
Well, my 1 year weight loss surgery anniversary was 2 days ago. It was a weird sort of day full of much reflection, alot of happiness & even some tears. I can't believe how much I've changed in just 1 year... my life is TOTALLY different !! Just for the heck of it, I put on the clothes that I wore to Dr. Capehart's 1st support group meeting (when I was still pre-op) and they are SOOOOO huge on me ! I remember when those huge clothes were tight on me... wearing them now made me realize just how much weight I've lost and reminded me of how dang miserable I was when those clothes fit !! I'm really glad now that I saved those old clothes because they will forever serve as a reminder of the awful place, physically AND mentally, I came from just 1 year ago and will, hopefully, keep me focused on eating healthier so I won't end up in that place EVER again.
I so wanted to stop by Dr. Capehart's office and thank her, once again, for saving my life but I chickened out. I've just been so weepy & sentimental the past couple of days I didn't want to get in there and start crying in front of her... how embarrassing THAT would be ! I'll see her next Thursday at the support group meeting, though, and I'm determined to thank her at that time. I've told her, many times, how much I appreciate her but I don't feel like I can ever thank her enough... I hope she never tires of hearing me say those words !
I had Blaine take anniversary pictures of me for my WLS photo album that's STILL just a figment of my imagination ! One of these days I'm actually gonna put one together, though, I swear ! There's really no big changes in my appearance since the last pics of me were taken but I wanted to "officially" document what I look like on my 1 year WLS anniversary, anyway, for memory's sake.
Our daughter still hasn't gone into labor and the baby's past due so her doc is inducing labor tomorrow morning at 8am. I'm thrilled and so very anxious to meet our 1st grandbaby !!!
I appreciate the support I've gotten from the members of OH and I hope I'm always able to pay it forward by helping those who follow me. Till next time, take care and all you post-ops be sure to remember to take your vitamins EVERY DAY !! :-)
(05/31/05)
It's been a fairly long time since I last updated. That's because I have been SO busy with the new man in my life I haven't had much time for anything else !!! No, no, NOT that......... I'm talking about our grandson, Cohen. What a darlin' boy he is... such a blessing to our family !!!!! He was born on April 9th, was 19 1/2 inches long and weighed 7lbs. 9ozs... he's a happy, healthy baby and he's growing like a weed.
My weight is still hovering at some point between 190-195. I worry sometimes that I won't make my goal but I'm feeling SO dang good and am so busy I really don't have all that much time to worry. I still have trouble, sometimes, at night with snacking... that is my worst habit and the hardest to break but I will beat it !!
I had some surgery last Wednesday. I'd noticed a couple of mysterious lumps a few weeks ago and when they didn't go away I contacted the doctor. She didn't seem to think they were very serious but thought it was a good idea to do a biopsy, just to be safe, so we scheduled some time in the operating room. OUCH... I ended up with 3 incisions that have to close from the inside out and they're terribly painful mainly because of where they are. For those who don't know, they're on my butt, and since it hurts to sit down I'm taking a few days off from my volunteer work on the OH photo team. No word, yet, on the biopsy... I'll keep everyone posted when I have some news.
I wrote a few months ago that when I lost weight I'd be going to bike rallies with my darlin', and I've dreamed of doing just that for years, BUT the ROT Rally is coming up soon, down in Austin, and there's NO way I can go... I can hardly sit (due to the surgery) much less ride on a motorcycle. What a bummer... oh well, there's always next year, I guess, and there are other rallies, too. Till next time... be blessed and LOVE one another ! Life's MUCH too short to harbor hatred. :-)
06/05/05
Well, I got some GREAT news... I do NOT have cancer ! Yea ! Turns out the mysterious lumps were a result of something called a peri-rectal abcess. All I can say is I'm glad THAT nightmare is a thing of the past !! Thanks, everyone, for your prayers.
07/24/05
Some overwhelmingly tragic events have happened in my life recently and I've been struggling to maintain my sanity and to live up to the responsibilities that have fallen in my lap. My mom had a couple of terrible reactions to a psychiatric drug she was taking and almost died. She spiked a temp of 106+ (as a result of something I don't remember the name of) & she also got something called tardive diskenasia from the drug (Abilify) which has left her with continual & uncontrollable body movements. She chews her lips & tongue and her body continually contorts in unusual positions... it pains me to see her like that !!
My mom hasn't always been mentally ill... she had a mental breakdown a few years ago, when she was already elderly, and just never recovered. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia & unfortunately medical professionals have been unable to find a drug that gives her relief from the "voices" which torment her continually. She was put on one of the newer drugs, Abilify, about a year ago and we thought it was THE perfect drug for her because the drug didn't make her unstable on her feet, drool or leave her unable to write, like some of the others had. That drug has now left her with these awful side effects which may never go away. I worry because all the other drugs which treat her illness have the same possible side effects ! Mom has been in a psychiatric hospital for a couple of weeks in order to get her stabilized on a different drug & she was due to come home on Wednesday. That couldn't happen, though.
I didn't hear from my brother (who lived with mom and was her caregiver) for a couple of days, and couldn't reach him on the phone, so Tuesday evening my husband & I drove over to check on him and we found his lifeless body on the kitchen floor. He had, apparently, died Sunday afternoon or evening because the Sunday newspaper was in the house. My heart is breaking and I hurt SO bad inside... I still can't believe my little brother (only 48 years old) is gone ! The coroners report showed his heart was enlarged as a result of high blood pressure and his coronary artery was 50% blocked. I've been making funeral arrangements and notifying relatives, etc, all week and putting on a happy face when the LAST thing I feel is happy but I HAVE to put on that face otherwise I won't be able to manage to do everything, responsibility-wise, that I have to do. I don't have other siblings to help me get thru this and no other relatives living close by so thank God for Blaine.... he's been my rock, as usual, and has been a great help. Breaking the horrible news of my brother's death to my mom & dad was a nightmare !! I was afraid the shock would kill both of them. My dad took the sad news harder than my mom I guess because he's not on heavy drugs that leave people emotionally numb like my mom is. My dad is, physically, much more ill than my mom... he's lived in a skilled nursing center for several years & will be on a ventilator for the rest of his life due to emphysema and COPD.
I'll have to place my mom in a nursing home that is able to take psychiatric patients. I hate to do that but I certainly can't manage her care. Unfortunately, she sees me as "the enemy" and being around me for too long makes her extremely irritated & uncomfortable... I have no clue why that's the case, but it is. I assume it's because I prompt her to bathe regularly, get up to use the restroom and be active when my brother let her convince him that she needed to wear Depends & stay in bed all the time. Anyway, I'm rambling... sorry !
On a side note... my weight is still the same. I feel healthy and my life is MUCH more active & fun but I'd still like to lose a couple dozen more pounds. I have no doubt that I can do that... it'll just take discipline and lots of exercise. Blaine & I went out Saturday night with the Dallas dinner group. We had dinner in Mesquite at the Texas Roadhouse and I think about 40 people showed up. We had a good time... the distraction was GREATLY needed and the company was awesome, as usual !! There are SO many great people on the TMB and I'm thankful that I found them ! To everyone who's been so kind in praying for me and my family... thanks !! We need and appreciate your prayers VERY much ! May God bless you all...
09/30/05 My brother's grandson was born last Saturday (September 24th.) He's a big boy... he weighed in at almost 10 pounds and was about 21 inches long ! It was a very exciting day... I was in the delivery room with my niece, at her request, and was standing right there when Conar was born !!!! I just wish my brother was here to see his first grandson and watch him grow. I hope he's proudly watching from heaven !
I've still been struggling with my weight. I STILL have that 25-30 pounds I'd like to lose but it's just not happening. It's ALL my fault... I'll lose a couple of pounds and then gain 3 because I sometimes eat crap that's not good for me. It's crazy how easy it's been to slip back into old eating habits when I'm stressed/sad, bored, etc. Most of the people who had surgery close to the time I had mine are already at goal... I get SO mad at myself for not making the best use of the wonderful tool I've been given. I thought I had the food demons beat but I sure found out otherwise. I don't know WHY I can't seem to permanently change my eating habits but it's clear that my willpower sucks, especially since my brother died. Here I am, using junk food for comfort again, when I KNOW that junk food does NOT make me feel comforted, at all... it just makes me fat, unhealthy and miserable !!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................... Lord help me ! I do NOT want to fail again and I just can't go back to the place I was at, mentally & physically, before my surgery. I just CAN'T !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(
10/11/05
You'll, no doubt, notice that this entry, as well as many others in my journal, are NOT weight loss related. They're about life and what's going on in mine. I've found that it helps me cope to "spill my guts" here so if you're only interested in reading about weight loss surgery, etc, you should probably move on. :-)
I just got out of the hospital a couple of days ago. For some reason my breast got infected and I had to have surgery. I'm still very confused as to why my breast got infected in the first place but glad to be on the road to recovery. On Thursday night I had just a bit of tenderness in my nipple area and by Friday morning my entire nipple area was red and swollen. Dr. Capehart wasn't in her office so I went in to see a doc in the clinic where my daughter works. She gave me a prescription for pain meds and told me if the redness spread or if the area got hot to the touch to go to the emergency room. Well, by Saturday evening the redness had spread to my entire breast and it was hot and VERY painful, too, so I went to the ER. I was admitted to the hospital and started on heavy-duty IV antibiotics and stayed on them several days but my breast just got more and more swollen so they finally took me into the operating room. The surgeon did a biopsy and drained and cleaned out my breast. What a relief it was to get rid of all that pressure but, man, it sure did hurt BAD to get the dressing changed, especially for the first couple of days post-op, when the infection was still present !! Now that I'm home I'm back to having "nurse" Blaine pack my open wound on a daily basis until it's healed. This is nothing new for him... he's "been there and done that" several times with me. I tell ya, I could never, even in 2 lifetimes, repay him for all he's done for me !! I'm a lucky, lucky woman to have him to share my life with and I love him more with each new day.
I spent the entire week while I was in the hospital worrying about my mom & dad. I'm the only one who visits on a regular basis and I feel guilty when I can't go check on them. Blaine did go by last week and tell them that I was in the hospital so they wouldn't feel as if they'd been deserted. He had to work today, and I was feeling pretty good, so I decided to drive over to visit mom & dad. I had bought my mother a really pretty rug to place beside her bed in an effort to make her room look & feel more "homey." Last week when I saw mom she was in a good place, mentally, so I thought mom would be happy to see me and glad that I was ok but instead she told me to take the rug away and that she wished I'd just go away & leave her alone. Even though I know that my mom is not in her right mind it still breaks my heart that she thinks such terrible, terrible things. She currently is under the delusion that I'm trying to kill her and told me so today !!! I was so shocked, and her reaction was so unexcpected, that tears immediately welled up in my eyes and I told her how badly she always hurts me and that I just wasn't well enough today to deal with her hatefulness & bitterness. Then I told her to have a nice day and left and went down to visit my dad. Thank God he was glad to see me and was feeling fairly good. We had a nice visit even though it's hard for us to communicate. He's on a ventilator and can't speak so I have to read his lips.
I just don't understand mental illness, I guess... maybe that's why I'm SO frustrated and hurt by my mother. A couple of months ago my daughter & I took her only (at that time) great-grandchild, Cohen, to visit her and she seemed happy & acted as if she really enjoyed her visit with him. From that day forward, though, whenever his name is mentioned she has nothing good to say. In fact, she doesn't want to discuss him at all. She's even referred to him as a "fake baby." She will not even look at the pictures of my recently deceased brothers grandson, Conar, that was born a couple of weeks ago... she thinks he's a fake baby, too. She refuses to get out of bed, even to visit the restroom, and gets VERY loud & aggressive if you attempt to convince her to do anything she doesn't want to do. She also refuses to go visit my dad even though he's in the same nursing home she's in... (she says he's "mean" which is a crock of crap) and THAT has HIM depressed as if he's not already depressed enough considering his horrible health and the fact that my brother is dead. I try to make my daddy understand that mom's not "herself" and doesn't mean the things she says and does but I know he is hurt by her just as badly as I am.
Back in early September mom had to be taken from the nursing home back to the psychiatric hospital and her psychiatrist had to get a court order to give her meds by injection because she refused to take her meds and had gotten terribly psychotic and abusive (even more so than usual.) It's a VERY frustrating situation and it's getting to the point where I have to force myself to continue to keep going to visit her !!!! I pray every day that God will give me strength to cope with this situation. I love my mother alot... I just can't FIND her anymore !! :-(
02/25/07 - I haven't posted in a LONG time because I am ashamed of myself. I haven't lost a pound (and kept it off) in almost 2 years... in fact, I GAINED weight after my brother died and gained even more after my daddy died, and Blaine was injured, back in June. I've been struggling to get back (AND STAY) on track by resisting the urge to eat unhealthy foods. I stopped posting to the Texas message board and became a part-time lurker on ObesityHelp for awhile because of my shame and because it hurt me that people who'd had their surgery long after I had mine had reached their goal already. Even though I was VERY happy and excited for them their success was a reminder to me of just how badly I've failed. I realized, though, that the LAST thing I should do is abandon my support group and isolate myself so I'm back and I'm determined to get the rest of my weight off and to continue to support other people as I have since before I had my weight loss surgery. If you read this please pray for me or send some positive vibes my way... they're always appreciated. :-)
By the way, just so you know what I look like now, in comparison to where I was before my brother passed away, here I am holding our precious grandson, Cohen... the photo was taken in February 2007. The photo on the right is me at my one year WLS anniversary in April 2005...
 
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Future Update
Other Important Links:
Lab Tests Online - (Lab Tests Online has been designed to help you, as a patient or caregiver, to better understand the many clinical lab tests that are part of routine patient care as well as diagnosis and treatment of a broad range of conditions and diseases, not "just" those related to WLS.)
Click here to read ALL about post-op hair loss, which is called Telogen Effluvium
DaVinci Gourmet (Has delicious sugar-free syrups made with Splenda. They're great for making your own sno-cones, adding flavor to your coffee, etc.)
Pouch Rules For Dummies - (A great guide to help you understand and get the most from your "tool" !)
Preparing for Weight Loss Surgery (an excellent article from the WebMD people)
Dotti's Restaurant Guide (a helpful site which lists the calorie count, fat grams & carb count of TONS of items from various different restaurants in the US and Canada... this is especially handy for those, like me, who eat out often.)
|
Profile assembled on 01-07-06 by
If you'd like your profile spruced up
write the HTML volunteers:
Copyright ©KAMead 1995-2005 all rights reserved - ©ink2art.com
"Thank you, thankyouverymuch" -- Peace, Kitty
|
