
Hi!
"If not you then who? If not now than when?" the Late President Ronald Reagan. Since I found this quote it seems to apply to every aspect of my life. Even getting healthy, because only I could make the decision to to change my life and how long was it going to take me, my life is in my hands at all times. Although this wasn't easy to make a desision on, when I remembered this suddenly my choice was clear.
So now, a bit about me.I am 36yrs old and am a single parent. My daughter is 13yrs old (almost 14) and we are definatly haveing the "teenage" experience in our house lol. However, we are close and for that I am gratefull.
I love to do volunteer work and do a lot of work in domestic violence. Life is good though and I find myself discovering new things about myself everyday. It is so amazing, I seem pretty consertive but I have a wild side and people tend to be surprised by this.
I've battled being overwieght for over 10yrs and had an accept me as i am attitude. Untill about 3 months ago when a friend took me with her to learn about GP. Although I have some co-morbids my list isnt long, but my risk is. You see I lost my mother to a heart attack when she was just 32yrs young. So now I have to be constantly tested and being ow just makes it that much worse. I plan to be around for my daughter and her children and so on.
Now that I've decided to do this and have a surgery date of Dec. 6, 2004 I am so excited. There is light at the end of my tunnel! I've always wanted a tattoo, and as soon as my body is ready I'm getting one! My gift to myself. I am looking forward to being able to walk with less pain (i have arthritis in my knees) and being able to "feel" normal again. I cant imagine what it will feel like to go dancing again for more than 1-2 songs without pain!
I look forward to being on the other side, and my daughter and my ex-husband (yes we managed to stay friends lol) will be right there with me.
I congradulate anyone who is doing what they need to do to get healthy. I know I cant wait....Leather skirt here I come!!!

2004

November 10
Well, I did it. As an ever part of my journey to a new healthier me, I decided to get off disabilty somehow and I called College of Dupage today and am going in next week to look at career options. I never thought I would see the day where I, ME OF ALL People, would go back to school. This is for me a huge day in my life and my attempt to heal from years of damage. Suddenly the parts are comming together. Tomorrow Bekah and I will go in for pre-op tests and an upper GI, fun fun. and Fri. I am getting my hair cut short in an attempt to look decent through this whole think. Here's to a new life, physically and physcologically.
November 11
Today was the 1st day of pre-testing. I was anxious and nervous and worried. I had lots of blood work and and upper gi (which is still bugging me-heart burn bad), chest ex-ray and ekg. I won't know the results till early next week. I figure I'll go visit friends this week-end to stay busy. I seem to becoming more self concious of my body everyday. I cant wait till it starts to melt away, I am also so afraid that my surgery will be cancelled. I wish the self doubts would go away.
November 12/13
I decided to cut my hair short in anticipation of surgery. Since its so curly and tends to shed anyways i figured get it over with now. She did a great job and my gentleman friend liked it..called me Shirley Temple, not sure if that was good or bad but hey, she was cute right lol. Beks will see it when she comes home tomorrow.
I thought i would quit dating about now but am going out on a 1st date tonight. not sure why i bother but here's to hoping. Life is changeing so much and so fast since I made this decision, seems like doors are opening and i cant wait to be thin again so i can walk through them.
My biggest thing right now is everyone keeps telling me i dont need the surgey, they dont believe me when i tell them my actual weight. Like i would lie about this? Or put myself through this? I cant wait till its done.
Nov. 15
What a frustrating day. I was schedualed for my gall bladder ultra sound for 9am and as usual the cab was late, but this time worse than ever didnt get here till after 10:00am. I was sooo mad and they almost didnt due the test. but thank goodness for Janice, she was able to make the arrangements. I do wish communication was better with the dr. office though. I called them about last weeks tests and they siad they only call you if something is wrong, but i feel better hearing everything is fine. They were concerned about my payment and i siad i would have it on the 1st.
Bekah is sick now so thats a challenge, she's crabby as heck and im moody and trying to get things done and worried about getting sick. Oh well, next big day is nov. 22 for the bronchospoity thingy...then im good to go. lets hope
November 18, 2004
Its been an interesting week. Between bekah being sick and my cleaning frenzy i feel like im loosing my mind. I finnally got her room almost clean, and i find myself cleaning things like appliances wierd lol. I spoke with Dixie yesterday and she offered to be my angle and help bekah out. She also reassured me that my nerves would calm down and by the time surgery gets her i will be at ease with it. I also found out that because of my body shape the weight loss will show right away so im being carefull about buying clothes right now. Ironacally im not sure if anything i have will fit for christmas. but that is nothing to complain about.
I find myself reading more and more of the profiles here. learning peoples journeys and successes. It helps so much. We are meeting with Kim today and iv asked her to talk to beks about the surgery as she seems to be in denial but perhaps it is just her way of dealing with things.
Oh yea and to top it off my disabilty is up for review, more paperwork to do before surgery. I still have to do my will and living will, something i am finding it very difficult to do. I guess it will all come in due time.
Meantime Woodridge jaycees are welcoming me back with some trepidition but i cant say i blame them. Tomorrow is the meeting and im helping Gina out, and chili for children is dec.5..all that chili and all i can do is have jello and juice lol. oh well, it will be fun. think thats it for today, still no news from the dr. so everything must be okay. Ya!!
November 19,2004
My week is catching up to me and my nerves. Even though I havent heard from the dr. I called them just to make sure everything is okay, thier going to call me back. Meantime cleaning is off and on today, im exhausted. I feel a sore throat comming on, so im drinking tea (decaf) and water like mad. Probably from all the talking and smoke last night. Seems the closer to surgery i get the busier with people and its wearing on me.
Bekah has started reading the book "before and after" and is finding it helpfull. I'm glad that she has finnally taken more interest and seems to be coping better. Meantime im reading more in the stuff the hospital gave me,since iv had many other surgerys the pre-op stuff is just nerve wracking cause i hate the feeling of falling asleep and remembering the or and waking up.
Tomorrow we are going to the university for bekahs program she is doing and then to Mike and Toni's for "thanksgiving dinner". That will be fun. Ironcally one their friends thats going to be there had this surgey over a year ago so i am excited to talk to her. Hoping it will calm my nerves.
****not sure how to add next to my pic. but wanted to note it is from 11/04 at 250lbs.*****
oh yea my pic is up as of today in all its fat glory. they also took pics at last nights jaycee meeting, oh how i hated it. cant wait for the day when i dont mind again. its hard to believe i studied to model at one time. wow has my life changed, now i cant wait to change it for the better.
November 26, 2004
I should have updated last week but its been a little crazy around here. So i just put in Bridge Over Troubled Water by my Clay Aiken man and it reminded me to do this.
My bronchoscopy went well, and i have clearance from all my drs. now so thats a huge relief. I was a little sore in my chest for a few days but feel much better now.
I can't believe surgery is only just over a week away. I am finnaly calm and excited, my new life is beginning. John came over for Thanksgiving and helped get a lot done around the house. This year became special in so many ways, not just because of the new life im planning but because i am around to teach my daughter things that my mom wasnt around for. We did the "switch" of holiday dinners yesterday and bekah got to learn how to make sauce and brouchou. She even tied one herself!! Dinner was awesome and i now have sauce for a few months.
I also went to COD and have started the process of looking at schools and decided my major, sign language. now just have to decide on a school. I cant wait for spring...how different this year is for me and how grateful i am to be here and being givin the opportunity to have a healthy life. My mother for whatever reason was not given that opportunity and i know her spirit is with me now, guiding me, helping me and she is proud of all i am doing.
Happy thanksgiving!!!
November 29, 2004
I am offically one week away from changing my live forever. Yup, that's it FOREVER!!! I am so excited and nervous at this point it is unbelieveable. One minute I cant wait, the next im like, "what the *@!# am I doing?". My biggest thing is starting to wonder since im not a big soup person or shakes is how i will manage the shakes ect. These are so important to the regimine right away. So i posted about it and hope people will have suggestions. I dont even like snow cones, give me ice and liquid and im happy, otherwise make it real food. I know i can do this though, i have to.
I also recieved the official all clear call from my pulmonolgist, Thank you Kathy...the meds worked and the test was clear. Talked with the surgeon's nurse and that was our last duck. I will see him on Wed. Dec. 1 where will decide goal wieght and such, i know he siad ideal for me is 115-125 so i cant imagine where he wants me to end up.
I also finished my living will etc. over the weekend, the only thing i have left is to noterize it all. Also instead of "goodbye" letters that some people write, i saw a thread one day where a person wrote cards for people to read while she was in surgery, and she told them how much thier support meant to her and things she wants to do with them after her surgery..so since i love this idea i am doing the same.

December 1, 2004
Wow!! What a day. I'm not sure where to begin so I will start at the beginning. 1st my cab was early for a change lol. Then off to see Dr. Dillon. It was an incrediable visit, we began by discussing my test results, it turns out my diabatic test was almost high apparently the last number before i became borderline...in other words anthor year or so and i would be diabitc...next my ekg was abnormal, something to do with my heart working to hard, he feels it will resolve itself with the surgey, it was however enough to scare me even more and bring home the reailazation that if i dont do this i wont be alive to see my daughter grow up. After going over all the ins and outs we did a weight and discussed goal, I am at 246 right now, his goal is -93lbs so 151, but ideal is 120 for me, i decided that i want to be in the century club so im going to go for 146, however he sees no reason that with exersise and such that i wont eventually be at 120, thats when i lost it and started crying...i dont remember ever being at 120...and my heart, and all my other problems, it suddenly hit me in the face, not only will i be thin but this surgery will truely save my life, that is so incrediable, i truely believe that without this surgery i would be dead in 5yrs.
Okay that done, the next thing...look at my AWESOME new profile page...just perfect and sooo me.
December 5, 2004
Okay, tomorrow is THE DAY. I am excited and honestly want it over with. I want to start my new life. I still have to write my cards and such. Finish some laundry, and its 7:30 pm but it will all get done. I am hungry as hell since i am on liquids today, and clear to top it off. This is going to be hard but i am ready to move forward. Bekah and John will be home soon and hopefully they will help me get things done. Holy is taking us to the hospital so all will be well. The next time I post I will be on the loosing side.
December 11, 2004
Well, i am 5 days post-op and am doing well. Surgery took 3 1/2 hrs due to old scarring and an unexpected incisional hernia. I had a lot of problems with pain control but eventually got it under control. I have to say the 1st 2days in the hospital were the worst. They had me on Fentanol, maxium dosage and it still was not enough. The "gas" working its way out of my system was the worst part and no pain meds could ever take care of that. I got so desperate I thought the nurses were lying to my and had my daughter calling the dr. herself. Well tues. night came and my bowels started working and all of the sudden things got better. By Wed. morning was off pain meds except oral, and doing my walking although i was overdoing it so they had to slow me down lol. I have a nice huge bruise in the middle of my already ugle tummy that looks the color of a prune, yuk, cant wait for it to go away. The dr. came in late so I didnt get to come home untill Thurs. morning.
Being home has been a challenge all its own. Learning about my new pouchie and when its hungery and full is wierd. If its hungry it hurts...even inbetween meals when i forget to drink and im not hungry it cramps up on me. Problem is solved when i drink a little. Water seems to be better for moving the gas through. I am on full liquids and finding that i like taking my time to eat. Yesterday I added protine poweder to cream of potato soup and managed to gett down around 1/2 cup or more, it was so awsome since my pouch is so small. This morning I made pudding with the powder and so far so good, added my vitamens and no problems with being over full. I am still taking the pain meds 2x's a day, the incision stuff hurts enough to give me a problem but thats okay. Without it i get the pains confused. Seems each day gets a little better.
I have to add this one last thing, because its funny and so many people can relate. The night i got home i had fixed my soup ect. and was watching tv when bekah decided to put a pizza in for her dinner. No biggie i thought, i was full and fine. But OMG the smell, i almost kicked her out of the house, it was funny, i wasnt hungry, didnt want it, but could almost taste it, even considered in my head taking a cheating bite, but knowing better(would never seriously consider that) finally i made myself a snack but oh how i struggled with that smell. Yes i made it through it but definatley know what head hunger is all about now.
I am sure I will continue to progress this week. I tottally believe that this is the best decision i could have ever made.
Decemember 16,2004-1st Post-Op Visit
What a day yesterday was. I lost 16lbs in 9 days!!! My measurments are down by 1inch almost all over except chest and waist but my stomach is still bloated from surgery. The dr. siad everything looks really good and he will see me in 6 weeks. Its wierd Im down to 230lbs and have energy, except for the surgery tired. I still have some gas pains but those are dealable.
I am allowed to go to pureed foods etc. so i had an egg for my 1st meal and a couple of bites of toast, and today had refried beans, and have even had a sf cookie! For dinner I am taking cottage cheese and pinapple to the meeting. I eat less on solids than I did on liquids, its a wierd feeling but feels so good and tastes so good.
Today I have been having a weird clothing day, I feel like nothing fits, but everyone sias I look good, reality is it probably fits right for the 1st time lol. Yesterday was my 1st time out of the house so i didnt need to wear real clothes but my best friend noticed a difference. Who knew 16lbs could make you look so different? Anyways, tonight will be wierd since I am going out in public with a whole group of people I know. The game the head plays is definately interesting.
I am happy with my choice though and can't wait to see what the rest of this journey holds. Oh yea, I applied for school to COD today!
December 25, 2004
I am copying 2 posts here that I wrote today, one a milestone and the other about someone I dearly loved who died today. I dont have thI don't want to bring Christmas down but I just got home and you all are my family too, and i cant even take meds till I get this out.
Christmas Surprise
This morning my daughter gave me a beatiful necklace for christmas. A heart, half gold, half cz. Well after going through the this doesnt fit routine for my parents and finally feeling like i look halfway normal, I went to put on the necklace, tottally expecting to need my extender.
Guess what? I didnt need it!!! after only 3wks it fits, so she sias This is the best chrismas presant, an 18in necklace fits on my neck I will post pictures later, need and update anyways, but im so excited, and my clothes look sort of normal esp. compared to last year, i look pretty, wow!
k, enough already,
Merry Christmas all
Prayers Needed
As many of you know last week-end we found out my daughters Great-Grandmother had passed away and due to family we were unable to attend services. Needless to say we are still realing from that.
Well, today we get to my "adoptive" (you know friends that take the place of the parents you dont have) parents and everyone was just finding out through the paper that thier grandaughter was killed in a hit and run accident last night. Police had not been able to reach her husband which is why it came about this way. Needless to say the day was spent telling people as they arrived etc.
She was 24yrs old and leaves behind 4 small children. I am in shock. A day that supposed to be filled with joy is now filled with so much pain. Bekah is taking it hard. Tracy was a wonderfull woman who kept trying to get her life together. I was so looking forward to seeing her today. It all seems unreal.
Bekah is holding up as well as can be expected, we spent a lot of the day with Tracy's sister trying to keep things normal. I think that helped all of us.
Please pray for this family, to complicate things theres no money for a funeral so they are working on that, i think her brother is going to take out a loan to take care of it.
e strength to rewrite it all but feel its important for anyone who sees this to know that even though food is an issue for us we can still manage. Despite my sorrow today, i still ate well, and healthy.

2005

January 4, 2005
Well, as you might of expected after the Christmas post I've had a lot on my plate so I havent had time to update. I did okay over the holidays although it was tough. I am tolerating solids fairly well, but find i can only eat them about once a day. The rest is still soft foods. I am finally eating closer to the 6 meals a day the dr. wants but find night time is still the roughest with head hunger. I did find out unfortunately that I can tolerate sugar so with my cousin dying i did a lot of emotional eating. I am back on track now though and feeling somewhat better.
The scale seems to have a mind of its own and isnt budging but I am loosing inches so thats encouraging. I am now down to about 220lbs. I even shank a shoe size lol!! Now if my tummy would shrink about anthor inch with the rest of me i could get smaller jeans, right now its the only thing holding them up!! I tried on all my formal clothes today for an event later this month and nothing fits anywhere!! Last week I went shopping and bought 3 things in regular XL!! Its amazing how fast the inchs are comming off even if the scale isnt reflecting it.
I also joined the gym this week and am walking the treadmill about 35 min. a day. I do around 1.20 miles and hopefully will start to up that in the next day or so. Im only walking at about 2.3mph so when i speed up im sure that will help or lengthen my time.
I was doing my chart today (below) and didnt even realize that with the surgery I already dropped from Morbidly Obese to Overly Obese i think it is. Its cool anyways, now on too the the next on, Obese. All in time i guess. Im finding myself getting impaitent with the loss but I know i just have to hang in there.
Here's to a happy new year and a better healthier one!

February 2, 2005
As usual time slips away. It's been a tough month (January) and I havent been to the gym in 3 weeks. I have just been to tired and depressed. That is changing tomorrow however as I am going to attempt to get back on track. I had my 7wk check up last week and am down to 210lbs! I am loosing slower than I expected and am finding that hard. However, the inches are comming off and my daughter finds it hiliarous to watch mom get dressed to go somewhere. The weight seems to jump around as to where it comes off making finding clothes that fit right and look good very challenging. I am copying 2 posts here from the weekend regarding goals I reached! I am looking better every day and as of today I am closer to 205...the scale again being funny lol.
January 31, 2005
Okay, I finally have a few minutes to post about my wonderful, yet exhausting weekend. I went to a Jaycee GA (state convention, volunteer group i belong to). Anyways I hadnt seen a lot of these people in over 6 months. I couldnt figure out why people weren't saying hi, or giving me wierd looks.
I finnally started approaching them and they siad they sort of recognized me but with the short hair they weren't sure. And I looked great!! I laughed and "confessed" about the surgery and that i was feeling great and thanks for the compliments, i even got to do the "show off" spin
I just couldnt believe that only 40lbs later there is that much of a difference. I havent updated my pics but took some this week with the 35mm (digital broke) so will post them when i get them back. But let me tell you I was on cloud nine all week-end, i could slip past crowded chairs, and cross my legs and wear high heels (for several hours) and dance, and not get holes in my pantyhose(ladies you know what i mean)!! What a great weekend!!
And yes i did behave, everything they had i was able to eat, and i even went to training so i learned something too. These milestones though were great.
January 31, 2005
Just tried on my 1st "skinny" top i bought for myself 6 months ago and it fit!!!! This is the 1st of my goals I reached!!!
well off to the family b-day party! everyone is haveing pasta, im having shrimp
FEBRUARY 16, 2005
Well, I did it! I am at 200 lbs and a bmi of 34.3 so I am now just obese! This is still hard mentally, I have to force myself to go to the gym, even though I ussally feel better when I go. My arthritis is flaring up so will have to call my dr. about it. Its hard to walk when your knees hurt like hell. I have found that I can eat almost anything, and can have a drink as long as there's no mixer in it. Both of these things while allow me some "normalcy" also have the down side that I can slip easily so I am making concious choices about my eating and trying really hard. I bought 2 new pairs of jeans one that fits and one that is a little tight but I am now in a size 18 tight so that is a good feeling. I would still do this again in a heartbeat, just have to hang in there.

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Page Spruced up by 12-01-04
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| Date | Weight | Pounds Lost | Total
Pounds Lost | BMI | 1
#111/04 | W#1 250 | PL#1 | TPL#1 | BMI42.9 | 11/04
#212/05/04 | W#246 | PL#4 | TPL#4 | BMI#42.2 | 12/05/04
#312/15/04 | W#230 | PL#16 | TPL#20 | BMI#39.5 |
#42/2/05 | W#4205 | PL#429 | TPL#440 | BMI#435.2 |
#5 | W#5 | PL#5 | TPL#5 | BMI#5 | Date
#6 | W#6 | PL#6 | TPL#6 | BMI#6 | Date
#7 | W#7 | PL#7 | TPL#7 | BMI#7 | Date
#8 | W#8 | PL#8 | TPL#8 | BMI#8 | Date
#9 | W#9 | PL#9 | TPL#9 | BMI#9 | Date
#10 | W#10 | PL#10 | TPL#10 | BMI#10 | Date
#11 | W#11 | PL#11 | TPL#11 | BMI#11 | Date
#12 | W#12 | PL#12 | TPL#12 | BMI#12 | Date
#13 | W#13 | PL#13 | TPL#13 | BMI#13 |
Photos
 250 November 2004 1 month before
WLS |
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Member Interests:
Crafts
Cats - i had them growing up and want one again
Parenting
Movies
Ice Skating
Volunteerism
Cake Decorating
Special Needs
Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.
Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: Bruce C. Dillon
My 1st impression was that of a man who really cares about his patients. Durring the seminar where I 1st met him he was realistic with us and yet made me feel okay on this journey.
My impression hasnt changed that much so far.
His office staff is good, but esspicially the people at the hospital he corodinates through.
The aftercare is structered but flexiable and i will be able to judge that better after my surgery.
The risks are important to him and he goes over them carefully.
So far he is the perfect match for me.
both great
Insurer Info:
Medicare
since it was medicare i had no problems
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