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12/23/03: i went to my God-Parents the other night after being away for some time and Pop had no idea who i was. tickled me pink *grins* and just made my day, and then last night i found myself down in the dumps after a shower and when i looked in the mirror all i saw was FAT, yes i know that it is mostly loose skin around my middle, but it still looks awful and i felt most unattractive. But, as someone said to me via a post, whould i want the old person back or the one i am now with loose skin. Well we all know the answer to that one. ok so when will i learn to like the person staring back at me in the mirror? i dont know, with the help of "my love" perhaps one day i will. Thank You C
12/21/03: My goodness, has it really been a year since i have updated this thing? Good grief. So much has happened there is no way i can catch thing up in detail. I guess a weight update is due. As of today, I have lost a total of 206 pounds that is almost exactly half of what I weigh now (208lb). It has been an incredible journey and I wouldnt have changed it nor would i give it up.
10/29/02: Last week was a battle with Bronchits. Lots of deep deep coughing caused a hernia in the upper part of my abdomen. I went to see Dr. Capps yesterday and he wants to wait till at least December to let my lungs get clear of this virus. Thats completely understandable considering the trouble I had with my pulminary functions after surgery the first time. But he also said that if the hernia would allow it, he recomends pushing surgery back even further than that to allow more weight loss and lesson the difficulties of surgery and possible hernia again in the future. I have decided not to wait past December if he will let me, one this is too painful, two I have already capped my out of pocket insurance expence so insurance would have to pay for it all and three school starts in January and I plan on being there hell or highwater. Anyway called Dr Capps and let him know via his assistant my decision. He is in OR today so probably wont hear from him today.

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10/05/02: Well, I have been on a plateau for a month now and not loosing, it was becoming very frustrating so I quit weighing. Today I was near an Eckards and took a chance and weighed. It registered at 317pounds. Thats 97pounds gone. Im almost into the century club :)

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09/20/02: You know, this surgery has not only changed my physical, but it has changed my mental as well. I have much more confidence than I used to, I feel like I can accomplish anything, I care about my appearance now, Im wearing make up *faints* and wearing more than just jeans and t-shirts *gasp* I even have been wearing dresses to work. I also have decided that I want to go back to school. This experience has me wanting to become a nurse. I found out that Texas has a fresh start program and if you went to college at least 10yrs prior and didnt do well that those classes can be wiped clean and you can start out with a clean slate as if you have never gone to college before. I am looking at school options right now and deciding where to go. I can do this. I want to do this!!!!!

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09/15/02: Had my 3 month ck up with Dr Capps and seems the scales I was weighing on were off a bit. I now have a home scale that I can weigh on
(Big milestone *smile*) and have adjusted it to the clinics scale so right now as it stands I am still at 82pounds, but thats ok. I measured myself against the rope I cut when I first started this and I have lost 7 1/2 inches around my middle. I still cant fit into the size 26 jeans I have from years ago, but my 32's are falling down around my ankles. My Blood tests showed that my iron levels are down really bad. I had a total iron binding level of 7 and they want us between 15-50 and my calcium is low. So I have been instructed to eat more red meat instead of the chicken and fish I have been concentrating on. I was also told to start carring Beef Jerky around to help get in the iron. Iron suplements are too hard on the body and we want to avoid that if possible and get my levels up by digestion and I have to increase the number of tums I take in a day from 4 to 8 no biggie. But, get this my cholesterol level was a *jumping for joy here* a Total of 170. Do you know how fantastic that is? If I remember right the last time it was checked I was over 250.

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08/31/02: went to Eckards yesterday and weighed, according to that scale I have lost 82 pounds
08/21/02: started weight training today. My goal is not to beef up but to tone up so my trainer went thru a series of equipment, helping me to determine what weight and seat postions I should be using. To start out I will be doing two sets of 15 on each equipment three times a week. I will continue to walk 5 times a week but on mon, wed, and fri I will walk only 30min and on tue and thru I am to increase to 45 min. Im really excited to start this. I have been enjoying the walking and now ready to do more.

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08/12/02:
Weight: I have been unable to weigh myself due to how heavy I am most of you know home scales only go up to a capacity of 300 most gyms have a capacity of 350. well today the cardio room at the rec center wasnt very crowded so I took a chance and stepped up on the scale, thinking to myself that if it doesnt register at least there is no one around to really notice except for me. To my surprise, I weighed in at 348 That is an un-official loss of 66pounds in about 8 weeks. I am just so excited by the fact that I have a local scale now that I can register on so that I dont have to weight for my 3mo check up *big grin*

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08/11/02: Walking: well Im up to doing a mile a day on the treadmill. I would have never believed that I could walk a mile in 30minutes. That just seems so far out of reach for me. Nor would I have ever dreamed that I would willingly excersise. I need to buy me a new pair of walking shoes tho, because they keep slipping off my feet. Of all the places I have to loose weight, I do it in my feet. lol

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08/08/02: Today was my first day back to work in 8wks and all went well and I enjoyed every minute of it. heh, never thought I would say that lol

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08/07/02: spent most of the day at the hospital with a friend who was having hernia surgery. She came out of surgery with flying colors and is at home resting today. While I was there, I took advantage of using the scale and lost another 6pounds. That makes my weight loss an unoffical 54pounds. Ten more pounds and I should be able to weigh on the 350 pound scale at the gym. It really gripes me that home scales only go up to 300. you would think with the digital world it would go higher than that. oh well wont have to worry bout that much longer.

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07/29/02: Today I got in the jeans I couldnt wear since october of last year, I gained quite a bit of weight when I quit smoking back then and today was the first time I could get back into them and it was a comfortable fit. I know its a small accomplishment but we have to rejoice in all our accomplishments bot small and large

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07/24/02: I went in for my 6wk check up today and *drum roll please* lost another 25 pounds, that makes a total of 48 pounds I also got released to return to work on the 8th of August (bout 2 weeks ) and on the 5th of August I am released with no restrictions and can start doing toning excersizing along with the walking Im supposed to be doing. Now I really need to get up to the rec and do things :)
The incision is still open as you all know but Dr Capps is predicting it to close up completely in about 2 weeks. He said once it closes completely then I can go swimming if I like and can soak n read in the tub .... Wooo hoooo it has been awful not being able to just soak in the tub with a good book. I like showers too but sometimes a lady just needs to pamper herself with bath salts, candelight and a good book.
over all today I am very pleased with the results. I fretted for nothing lol

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07/24/02: They took me off the wound vac today *does a big happy dance*. Now I go to gauze change outs that will be done daily. I am happy to make a daily bandage change out for the freedom of being released from this silly machine. It was becomeing such a sore spot with me and very depressing to have to carry this machine around with you everywhere. especially because the machine was heavier than my lifting restriction so I not only had this machine following me but had it in a wagon to move it. Do you know what it is like to have a wagon follow you everywhere? LOL

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07/23/02: My disabilty pay has gotten screwed up. GRRRRRRRR. once again the nurse at BTC has taken her time with paperwork. I called her two weeks ago and told her I needed papers sent to Providence to extend my disabilty pay since I would be out of work longer than expected. Of course you can never talk to the Nurse except by leaving a voice mail and hope that she calls you back. But that day I called and left detailed message of where to send papers and what to send and WHY I needed it sent. I specifically said.... "if there is any problem please call me at home and let me know" I never heard from her so (shame on Me) thought all was well.
Friday I checked my direct deposit and noticed that I didnt receive as much as normal so when called to question it they informed me that was the last of my pay for they had no paperwork determing that I needed an extention.
I was very upset called BTC and of course they send me to the Nurse's voice mail I calmly but in very firm tone (it was obvious I was upset) called and told her that she had just messed up my pay and not only did I get shorted Friday but next Friday I wouldnt even get a check.
I called yesterday and was told that Dr Capps was in Surgery all day and again was given voice mail to the Nurse. Yesterday I finally got a hold of her and she informs me that even tho I signed a release at the hospital to release any medical records, she needed me to fax over another letter giving them permission again.
So here I go running up to the work place to fax over a letter. I fax it off and return home and guess what???? Yup you guessed it.... she said it didnt come over. Fortunately God gave me brains yesterday and I left everything with Kristi at work so I could call and have her refax it if this happened.
Then I called Providence and asked if they got it and I was informed that the office closed about 5 min prior to my call. I called at 3pm our time so must be in California or something... grrr but the customer rep made notes in my file for me and I will call earlier today.
Im sure it will work out, I just hope it works out before rent is due on the first.
guess you have to take the good with the bad.

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07/19/02: The nurse did my change out today and you just wont believe how closed up it is. it is almost level with my belly as far as depth goes. The nurse said that today may be the last sponge change out and monday we may have to go to the gauze. That will mean daily bandage changes 2-3 times a day, but after she shows me the first time, she will let me do them and she will continue to come out MWF to supervise the wound healing. I may not be tethered to this silly machine much longer. I think Dr Capps is going to be flabbergasted when he sees me next thursday.

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07/18/02:
3inches of rope

Because home scales only go up to 300lbs I knew I wouldnt have a way to track my weight loss in between doctor visits, so I took a piece of rope and measured it around the largest area of my waist. Today I measured it and I have lost 3 inches in 5wks time. I know this will seem small to some of you who have no idea how difficult it is to loose inches, but believe me I see this as a big accomplishment.
I also got the last pair of jeans I out grew and tried them on and got them on and buttoned and prob could have got them zipped If I tried harder (wound protective). That was pretty exciting for me too, I bet in about 2 wks I can wear them again comfortably.

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07/17/02: Woohooo I drove for the first time in over a month. I hated not being in control of the wheel and being carted around where ever I wanted or needed to go. I still cant lift my machine but if my room mate puts it in the car for me I can drive where ever and disconnect for a few to get done what needs to get done. Fortunately right now my roommate and I pretty much go everywhere with each other. I also ate my first piece of Chicken yesterday. Man was it yummy. Finally I can add a little variety to my meals and make this a more enjoyable experience. I still have to remind myself that its time to eat or I would forget all together. They say this will change with time but right now its a chore to get everything in. But the taste of that chicken sure helped.

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07/15/02: I made myself sick for the first time yesterday since surgery. I had just gotten home from a trip to see family and decided that I was hungry. My room mate had this cream cheese garlic thing in the fridge and I checked it out for sugar level and got a spoon full of it while my low cal, no sugar, lasanga warmed up in the microwave. I finished the spoon of cream cheese stuff and took 3 bites of my lasanga and immediately knew I was going to be sick. I had eaten too fast and therefore ate too much and my new tummy revolted on me *laughs happily at her new tool*. I dont want to get sick and I want to do things right but that is the purpose of this operation to get help in re-learning 37yrs of bad eating habbits so yes I got a little excited that IT WORKED when I messed up and my body corrected me. I still havent dumped on sugar to where I feel like I have the flu and I dont plan on on it either so I cant say how that feels but the over eating thing tho I knew I was going to be sick, once I was sick it was pretty much overwith and back to feeling normal instantly.

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07/04/02: I went to my first support group last nite at the Baylor hospital. I was so glad that I went. I almost called Kim to tell her I was feeling well and didnt want to go. Im so glad I bucked up and went. I found out that the way I was feeling yesterday is not uncommon at all so Im not this weird nut. Every one there was very pleasnt to be around and the leader of our group was very well spoken, knowledgable, and very helpful and friendly. Next month should be quite fun too. we are going to do a receipe exchange and bring a sample of the receipe we choose. I was surprised by the number of people there that hadnt even had surgery and was batteling insurances. I wish I had thought about going when I was struggeling with all the testing and waiting I went thru prior to surgery.

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07/03/02: Im feeling really down today. I dont want to do anything but cry and Im not sure why it is that I am crying. The nurse came to do the change out and even though I knew the opening had gotten smaller I immediately teared up thinking "THIS IS NEVER GOING TO HEAL". Im so tired of being tied down to this machine. Its a big pain in the ass to go somewhere for any length of time because you have to have take this stupid machine and then in my case I have to have someone carry the damn thing because it is too heavy. So I feel like Im just stuck at home with nothing to do. My room mate just sleeps all day so I dont even have anyone to talk to, I might as well be alone and I feel really alone today.

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07/01/02: started pureed foods today and was it just the best thing. I was getting so sick of fluids. everything you could have seemed to be all sweet stuff and it was driving me nutty. This morning for breakfast I had cottage cheese, for lunch I had pureed tuna with lofat mayo and for dinner I had pureed vegie burger pattie. Oh this days meal plan was just heavenly. The incision is growing back together right nicely too and no real pain on the change out. just a little pull and a couple of ouches so this makes two change outs in a row that I didnt need to cry :) I hate when the baby factor comes in. something to note: Im a little concerned because havent had a bowel movement in a couple of days, maybe the pureed foods will help.

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06/29/02: yesterday I went in for my two week follow up with Dr Capps. He changed out my bandage and whooray I didnt cry this time because that gauze was a huge help. When I see nurse Nancy Monday I am going to hug her neck for thinking of it. The cool thing about the gauze and Dr Capps making the change this time is.... Dr Capps had taken over a patient from another Surgen who had to be put on a wound vac as well and they were having the sticking problem too, so now Dr Capps knows to use this gauze to help. Oh and not to forget the really good news.... I LOST 23 POUNDS

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06/27/02: well yesterday's bandage change out wasnt any better than the last. It still hurt like hell so this time we put a non stick gause on b4 the sponge to see if that will help.
I walked around the court yard twice this morning and that included the steps, I was quite proud of that accomplishment. I go weigh in tomorrow, I cant wait to see what I have dropped so far.

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06/25/02: yesterday was not a good day. The nurse dropped by to change out the bandaging in my tummy and it was awful. This was the first change out with the wound vac and everything stuck to the wound.
Dear god it hurt coming out. It took 2 bottles of salien to soften things up. I actually cried it hurt so bad, Yes the baby effect was in yesterday. I hadnt had to use pain meds for a couple of days until yesterday.
but the sorness seems to be gone this morn so maybe will be a good day.
The nurse promised that next change out on Wednesday will be better because she packed it different than the doc did. I sure hope she is correct..
I still have no regrets even though things have gone a bit backwards.

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06/22/02: Yea, Im home. The nurse has already stopped by and things will hopefully be on their way to normal.

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06/19/02:I got up tuesday morn and went to the restroom and I noticed that my belly seemed to be pretty red. I first thought that my binder had irritated the skin, but then...... I got up and bent over and this stuff started spewing out of my incision. It looked like someone had turned the faucet on, no kidding, not a drip but a stream. I pratically freaked. I called my mother over and after she calmed me down a bit we called the surgens office and told them what was happing. They wanted to see me right away, so about an hour later I am being re-admitted in the hospital.
They cut open my incision and gunk just poured out of it. After giving it a good saliene cleaning they determined that it wouldnt be necessarry to re-open the bottom sutures so no surgery this time thank god.
They cut all but 3 stitches open so I have an 8inch long cut from my breast bone to my belly button and about 4 inches wide and about 3inches deep open wound on my belly. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday they were packing it with gauze soaked in salien and changing it out 2-3 times daily. I had antibotics working thru an IV and I got put back on clear liquids (blah)
Finally the Wound Vac they ordered came in on Friday. They took this huge sponge with a tube in it and stuffed it into my wound then put this plastic wrap around it and hooked it up to this machine that sucked that sponge right down even with the surface of my belly. It was the weirdest thing I have ever seen , it smarted a bit but that eased up after a while.
So now Im all teathered to this machine and will have a nurse come out to the house to change out the packaging, but Hey Im home and on my way to healing.
things could have been worse, so Im greatful things didnt go as bad as they could have. Fortunately for me I can still do my walking becaus I can disconnect for a few minutes and then reconnect to the machine so I should be set back too much.
anyhooo thats the story and your all caught up lol

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06/10/02:Hi. This is Lori's little sister, Tawnya. She went in this morning at 5:00am everything went great. The surgery took a little longer than expected but she's fine-as comfortable as possible. Sorry this post is so short, but it's close to midnight and our day started at 3:00am.