- HEALTH TRACKER
South Bay Area, CA, USA
Post Op - BMI: 31.1
Surgery Type: RNY
Member ID: H1093491830
Surgeon: Milton Owens (COE)
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I am a 33 year old married woman with two great kids. My daughter is 5 1/2 and my son is 17 months. I just moved to California from Michigan about 3 months ago and have been kicking around the idea of surgery for awhile now. I have been overweight in some form or another all my life, although I did get down to 140lbs one summer. But it really didn't take long for that and more to come back. I have had a love affair with food for as long as I can remember. I just put too much emphasis and thought into eating. And sometimes not enough thought as I have eaten my way into the night sometimes. It's strange because I don't really understand why I do it. Boredom, lack of self-control, I guess emotional eating sometimes. It's not that I'm depressed or have serious self-esteem issues; I am just severely unmotivated and lack self-control. Not that that means that I am not responsible, because I am the only one to blame. It just seems to have gotten further out of control than I ever thought it would. So I look at my life into the future and weight wise it doesn't look any better, just worse. There are so many things I can't do anymore even if I wanted to, and now with my foot problems, I have a hard time walking, exercising, or standing for even short periods of time. Basically it sucks and I would like to do something about it. This surgery seems drastic, but when you get to the point that you have as much to lose as I do, it would take me forever to lose it. I know that sounds bad, like I'm not willing to do it myself, but I need help to get to where I need to be and then I can work my butt off. I am currently 268lbs and I can remember when I told myself I would NEVER let myself get to 200lbs. Oh how long ago that was! I would love to get to 130-140lbs. I would be just delighted!
8/25/04 I went to see my primary care physician today to check blood pressure and she told me I had been approved for surgery! She was shocked, as she thought they would want me to have a 6 month program of things tried and hoops jumped. They approved me after only one week of waiting! Whoo Hoo!! I also got my pre-op packet today so I was able to have my primary send out for the tests with the blood they took today. That night I calculated my BMI and tried to get some weight loss goals down. I found out that not only am I "morbidly obese", I have crossed over into "super obese!" Maybe I should get a cape and mainstream into superhero! I guess I would be depressed over this if I didn't have some hope for my future with this surgery. I am really starting to get excited. Before approval I wondered if I really wanted it and I was more scared and apprehensive than anything. Now that it is a reality, I'm really excited. To be excited to have surgery.....now I know I've lost it! My husband of course is starting to worry but we are going to trust God to carry us through this and into the next challenge. The surgery is about 2 months away, so hopefully I can start changing my eating habits now, so at least it won't seem sooo foreign after surgery. Although drinking liquids for 4 weeks is going to seem like forever. Eating is such a sensory activity that drinking your food just doesn't satisfy. I am wondering how I am going to cope with being physically full but not mentally full. You know, that feeling in your head (which is why most of us are overweight to begin with)that you haven't eaten enough to satisfy your mental cravings. Maybe there is a support group addressing this. We'll see....update later.
8/27/04 I went to see the psychologist today. It went really well and I was able to talk about some of the things that scare/worry/puzzle me. I found out that I have a different doctor than I originally thought and a different hospital as well. Now I have Dr. Ownens and Torrance Memorial Hospital. I am thrilled as this is much closer to me than Chapman and better I hear. I just need to see the doctor now, September 30, and attend a support group before October 21 and I am set to go! I can't believe how fast this is going. I went from inquiring if I could get approved, to being approved, to having most all of my paperwork done in two weeks almost a month and a half before the surgery! I am so happy with Cigna of California! And they are an HMO, which usually is not the best.
8/28/04 I know it is good to weigh both sides of the issue and get the good with the bad, but I might have gone overboard. I spent quite a few hours tonight looking on the website at different forums, including 2nd time around, and regrets about surgery. Boy, I went from excited to freaking scared. I read a few horror stories and a few others who felt like failures because it wasn't working or stopped working. I know there could be many other factors that I am not reading about, but the scary part of this surgery is that no one knows how it will affect each person individually. We know the basic side effects and possible complications, but other than that its kind of a "wait and see" process.
8/28/04 Since this past entry I am starting to get excited again. Does anybody else go up and down like this? I think maybe I will just do some more basic research and concentrate on the good stuff. I think that I have seen enough of the bad! I wish the surgery were sooner. I don't know how I'm going to wait a month and a half!!
9/3/04 I went to a Swimnastics class today for water exercise. About 30 geriatrics and me!! I didn't feel body conscious though, for once. I was fatter than all of them but their skin was sagging so I guess we broke even! I love older people though, they are so sweet and easy to talk with. The class lasted for a half and hour and then I actually did one lap in the olympic size pool! I actually swam, the correct way! I was going to do another one (I was so proud of myself), but I was pretty tired so I figured I'd better not push it. I am definately going back! It also gives me time away from the house and kids. I am a stay at home mom, so the break is really good for me. I just miss being with my husband who works afternoons, so mornings are our only time together as a family. I guess its not for long, so I really should do it for a multitude of reasons. I figure if I can start exercising now, hopefully it will be a routine and maybe I can lose some before the surgery! Wouldn't that be a hoot! My husband is also re-adjusting our stationary bike so we can ride it in the morning. I can't wait till I can do my Richard Simmons exercise tapes again without pain! That would be cool! I just love his stuff, it is fun when your not in pain.....ah the good ol'days. I think I've got all my paperwork done, so I'm still just researching. I found something called the Fobi pouch bariatric surgery but I can't find much information on it and no doctors registered on the site perform it. Oh well, just gaining more knowledge....always a good thing.
9/8/04 I had a horrible day yesterday! I went back to the regrets page forum just to do more research. I ended up on the memorial page for all the people who died after having/before having this surgery. It was scary. I really have been thinking lately about the risks that I am taking in doing this surgery. I read about so many who died years after and immediately after. I just started to wonder if I really want to electively let someone mess with my insides and risk infection or pulmonary embolism (which seemed to be a common thread among the fatalities). I just keep thinking that I could die years later from complications stemming from surgery that I wouldn't have had had I just gotten some balls and lost the weight myself. I have two kids whom I am not ready to leave yet, at least not over something I chose to do. It would be entirely different if it were surgery I needed to save my life. But it is so overwhelming...I have so much to lose (over 150 lbs). I just have this cloud over my head now...I can't seem to shake this feeling. I keep praying that God would make it so clear to me whether he wants me to have this operation. I keep thinking that God must have something else for me to do on earth and that I wouldn't die this soon. But we live in a fallen world and God gives us choices. Those choices affect others and our own lives...he is always in control but God will never force us to do something. His plan for us is the "hope of our future." I want his plan to be my plan. I pray that we can figure this out by surgery time.
9/16/04 I guess I am on a more even keel since my last entry. I have decided that I will go through with it. I have decided that I will have too many "what if's" if I don't. I would like my life to be long and active and at this point it is going to be short and stagnant. I have done all the research that I can, and now I am just going to focus on reading people's profiles, gaining encouragement, and cheering them on. I love this website. What a wonderful tool for those wanting to learn, get advice from peers, and get help! I guess I am just counting down the days till surgery now. I went to my first support group meeting on Tuesday with my husband. It was pretty cool, but kind of cheesy as I am not really a support group girl! :) It was neat to hear people talk about their struggles, victories, and weight loss! The only thing I should have left is to meet with the surgeon. After that it will be another two weeks of waiting. Arrrrggg, how I hait to wait. I also want to thank my husband, who is the love of my life. He has been so supportive of me and my decision. He loves me no matter what and even if I never had the surgery, would still tell me I'm sexy. How I thank God every day for giving me my husband to spend my life with. I don't know what I would do without him. Thank you John; I love you!
9/22/04 One week left until I meet with the surgeon. I know once I do this it will become more of a reality to me. I have so many questions I'd like to ask. I have been going to my swimnastics classes every M,W,F, and exercising on my aerobic stationary bike on T,Th,Sat. The pool is the only place I can stand on my toes for an hour and not die of pain :) After class I usually swim about 3-5 laps (with breaks in between of course!) I like that I have started to exercise but my eating habits seem to have gotten worse. That disturbs me a bit. I don't know if it is because I feel like I need to eat these things before I can't anymore, or if I am lazy and lack motivation? Ummmm, all of the above I guess! How sad I am.....ah, but I guess a lot of the people on this website can relate to that! It is so good to be with people who understand. Sometimes I read others profiles and I come across something that I thought only I struggled with. Reading it from someone else just sets you free! Its funny how we can sometimes think we are the only one who experiences it that way and the shame and guilt we put on ourselves because of it. I have never felt so at home among a group of people I didn't know before! It's crazy but I love it! Anyway, not much happening...just waiting, waiting, waiting, until I meet with the doc.
9/26/04 I found out today that my mom is trying to come from Michigan to help out and visit with the kids. She is coming a couple of days before and will stay for a couple of days after. It will be nice to see her again. We are used to seeing my parents once a month, but haven't seen them for 4 months since we moved. It will be good to know that someone I trust is with the kids since my husband will be at the hospital with me. It will be nice for my husband to be able to spend the night with me in the hospital. I have heard the hospital allows that. Anyway, if anyone is reading this you are probably wondering how much more boring can I get? :) Waiting is so hard....I am going to try not to update until this thursday when I see the doctor, the last of my appointments before surgery.
9/29/04 After all of the waiting to see the surgeon, they call me at the last minute today, of course when I am not home, and tell me they have to cancel my morning appointment because the surgeon has a last minute thing. So of course they want to reschedule me for later in the day. Of course I can't go as my husband works and I will have the two kids. Arrrrrggg....
9/30/04 Well, today was interesting. I thought my appointment would be cancelled and on top of that I have been fighting this pain in my throat and the back of my mouth behind my last tooth. I didn't know what it was but it hurt so bad. It hurt so bad that this morning when I couldn't get ahold of my PCP and wouldn't be able to see her until Saturday to get rid of this pain, that I told my husband to screw himself twice! I have never said that in all the time we have been married. Not even in labor! Actually my husband was better than the doctors in labor! :) Anyway, it turned out that my husband took a personal day today so that I could go see Dr. Owens (the appointment that was to be cancelled) later in the day so I wouldn't have to reschedule for a different day. So I did get to see my surgeon today and now all I have left is the surgery itself. And I had to apologize to my husband for treating him so mean. I don't know what came over me. Oh, and Owens told me it was a canker sore that was giving me the pain in my mouth. He touched it with silver nitrate and told me that would cure it. I sure hope so, cuz that bugger hurts so bad!!
10/6/04 I ordered some samples of protein shakes from valleynutrition.com. I ordered one that I have heard some others rave about, Chocolate Covered Coconut Candy Bar and Cinnamon Bun, among others. I want to make sure I like whatever I order since I will be having mostly these shakes for a month. It's getting closer to my surgery date and I'm starting to get nervous. I am excited, but I know its going to be hard work and tough going, so I am nervous. I know God's going to take care of me but still I can't help but be apprehensive. I guess change makes all of us shaky. Even bad habits feel comfortable. We don't like them but the alternative is scary as well. I have been working on my goodbye letters, even though I am praying for the best I am preparing for the worst. Swimming and stationary bike are still going good; I'm actually getting alot better at swimming. I bought a pair of goggles that make me look like a bug, but at least I can see under water and swim in a straight line. :) I actually have lost about 9 pounds since I started this process about a month ago! Seems like it was so long ago, but yet it seems like yesterday. I know I'm not making much sense, thats just how it feels. Anyway, I will post more later. I am working on getting a before photo posted since I like to see faces when I am looking at profiles. It makes the profile seem more real. More later....
10/11/04 I got the samples from valleynutrion.com and I was so excited to taste the Chocolate Covered Coconut Candy Bar one that I was practically salivating. OMGosh it was so nasssty! So was the Cinnamon Bun! However I did like the Nectar Roadside Lemonade, one called Banana Scream, and one called Chocolate Hurricane. Good thing they have samples. I guess everyone's tastes are different!! So I just have to order my shake material and vitamins and there will be nothing left to do but get nervous. Oh goody, my insides should be melted by surgery date :) I have weaned myself off of diet pepsi and have found a cheaper alternative to Crystal Light. It is the Kroger brand of sugar free, 5 calorie drink. Costs about a buck and a quarter less. Good stuff...I figured I could mix my roadside lemonade protein drink with it. My husband is also driving to San Diego tomorrow to pick up a doctors office scale for weight measurement that he won the bid for on a site called GovernmentLiquidation.com. He is totally obsessed with that site and is driving me nuts! I guess it would be nice to know my real weight instead of wondering whether I bought a piece of crap scale at the store! Every one will give you a different weight! Anyway, nothing else going on.....
10/16/04 My mom comes in today from Michigan. She will be staying with us for about a week. It will be good to see her again and for her to see the kids. We also got a family photo done today and up on the wall already. It feels good to have the entire family on a photo now. The last one we took was when I was pregnant with my son, so I wanted one where the whole family was finally complete. My husband had bought me a beautiful frame for a family photo on our anniversary this year. So I was really anxious to get it done before surgery. Surgery, by the way, is on Thursday of this week. It still hasn't hit me yet; although it will Wednesday night! I ordered my protein powder and vitamins yesterday and got some broth and jellow from the store. So hopefully everything is ready to go. I probably won't update again until Wednesday night.....
10/20/04 Well here we are....the night before. I have my bag packed, my shakes, vitamins, pain meds, all ready for when I come home. I took my ring off and left it home. My finger looks/feels wierd without it. I have all my prayer warriors in line, so I guess I'm ready. May God guide my surgeon's hands and keep my husband calm. If any of my family is reading this, I love you guys so much! Thanks for everything you gave to my life! See you later....
10/24/04 Well, I'm home! 4 days later. I didn't have any complications except wanting to tear the IV out of my arm and run home! I wanted to go home so badly! I missed my husband and kids, my routine, my stomach without a drain in it. Oh, well, things change and change means growth. The hospital was ok; not real impressed with the overall care, but they did ok. I got to watch a lot of Lifetime TV between walking every hour, sleeping, and trying to keep up with the shakes they kept bringing me. I think the wierdest part was coming home and watching my family eat some really good smelling fish sticks. I didn't figure I would notice so soon. But it wasn't hunger, just thoughts, feelings, memories of real food. Bummer! Anyway, I will have this drain taken out this Thursday and hopefully I will start to feel more normal. I am still wearing the binder because I tried taking it off as my doctor said I didn't need to wear it, but after sitting in the chair for awhile, I got up to find my shirt and pillow had gotten soaked in one spot. So I had my husband redo my dressing and put the binder back on but with a shirt against my skin instead of the binder. Man that thing itched against my skin, I was so dying to take it off, but it is not to be. It actually feels better to have it on. Oh, well, only 4 more days! I haven't weighed myself yet and don't plan on it until I get the drain taken out. They had me on an IV until my last morning, so I probably weigh more as I had all those fluids. Oh well, right now I am just concentrating on getting a routine for all the shakes, loving the shakes, taking the vitamins, and getting in water. That should take up most of my day!
10/28/04 Well I went to see Dr. Owens today and got my drain out! Can anybody say YEEHAH! It is still a little sore but I feel so much more normal. I hadn't been out of the house since Sunday afternoon when I came home from the hospital. It felt good to breathe air and get outside. I plan on driving my daughter to school tomorrow and getting in some more walking. I was weighed before surgery and it was at 260 lbs. When I went today it was at about 252 lbs. My wedding ring fits so much better. Speaking of that, I don't know how I would have gotten through this time without my husband helping me. He did housework, took care of the kids, helped me shower and change dressings. He was so amazing. Although that doesn't suprise me, my husband is so thoughtful and caring. Thank you John, I don't know how I would have done it without you. I don't know how people who live alone do it! Doc told me I could drive, exercise, swim, no problem. I will probably wait until Monday and get back into my swimming and exercising. Thank you Jesus for carrying me this far....guide me always and keep me from fear.
11/01/04 Well another day....I have lost 15 lbs so far and fit into a smaller pair of shorts that I had been keeping in my closet because I was in denial! They aren't that much smaller than the ones I was wearing but they are still smaller! The shakes are getting boring and yucky but I'm trying to keep a good attitude. Everything in the grocery store looks good. Don't get me wrong, I'm not hungry I just miss food. That is the hardest part. Still cooking and preparing meals for my family and then drinking 4 oz of liquid. Yikes, its hard. That head hunger is a tough demon. Good thing I'm not hungry. Matter of fact, I feel full all the time. If I'm not trying to get a shake in, I'm really thirsty for water and trying not to stuff myself with water. Sipping is hard too. I do feel like I move easier...its a strange feeling....Not much else is happening; just trying to make this part of my life not ALL of my life.
11/04/04 Well I decided that Thursdays would be my weigh in days. I had surgery on that day so it should be easier to see how far out I am and get an accurate weight count. As of today, 2 weeks out from surgery, I have lost 17lbs. I might be imagining it but my face looks a little thinner. Boy is it hard not to think about this weight thing more than I should. Maybe its because I am only on liquids for another 2 weeks yet and I am still cooking for my family. I have also had some trouble trying to find the right calcium that I can handle. The vitamins (calcium) my doctors office recommended are horrible, and I have been on a hunt to find something that I can take that won't make me gag. I can't swallow a large pill as I am afraid it will get stuck. I finally went to a liquid calcium that someone on the CA board told me about, but GNC will be discontinuing it, so I will probably be switching to UPCal D. Someone else told me about it on the CA board. Mixes well and isn't grainy! If someone is reading this that might not know it, don't take your calcium with your iron. They compete for absorption. So one always loses when taken together. Other than that I am just trying to get through the rest of the shakes and longing for the days of cottage cheese! Mmmmmmmm
11/7/04 Well I had my first barf session today. I'm not sure what happened as I am still on liquids. I had just finished my morning shake and vitamins. I was washing down some of the multivitamin, and I started getting a pain in between my breasts in the middle of my chest, like something was having a hard time going down. Then I started to feel like I was gonna upchuck. I did of course, and it felt better. It only lasted about 5 minutes. I figure I must have drank water too fast or too much. Combo that with the vitamins (one I had to swallow whole, potassium capsule)and I guess you've got conditions for barfing. I hope that was it and nothing else. I haven't had trouble so far with anything making me nauseous so I hope its not a brewing problem. I guess a couple of days should tell me. I can't get over how hard this month of liquids is. I think I have a pity party every day. I know I'd be sick of hearing me! I also have a hard time staying off the scale. It's only been 2 weeks officially as of Nov 4, and I have lost 23 lbs but I feel like it is going slow. Isn't that insane!! I never could have lost that much that soon. It just seems like such a long time since surgery, especially since I am only on liquids. Maybe when I actually get to eat foods, I will stop obsessing. I have started my Richard Simmons videos again, and they are so much fun. I can really tell I am getting a workout! :) Boy am I sore today! If I combine swimming with that I should be dropping at a good pace. Hopefully, it will be toning at the same time. Anyway, not much else is happening....
11/11/04 I am in a funk today....don't know why. I guess I started the day off with my weigh in and as of today I am 241 1/2 lbs. That means that in a weeks time I lost only 3 1/2 lbs. I don't know if this is good or not. I feel like its going so slow. I suppose slower would be better so I wouldn't have such a skin issue. Maybe I am getting my period or something. I am just generally grouchy. Not much else is happening except that I am ready to throw the shakes out of the window. I am so ready for soft food! I'm not hungry, just wanting flavor, texture, taste, and anything else but a stinking shake!! I have started to notice that my feet are feeling better and my butt has lost the shelf that used to hold potted plants! I still have an awful profile but I can see a difference. Also my bathing suit fits better and I swam more laps the other day than I ever have without getting exhausted or wiped out! So I guess there is some good with the funk I am feeling. More later.....
11/16/04 Yesterday was my birthday and I was still not off of the liquids. That meant that I could not go out and eat, which I love to do, but is now a wierd experience. I have been taking, over the past few weeks, very cautious, thoughtful bites of certain soft foods and a few not so soft (hamburger). I thought I would go insane if I didn't get some texture. It has helped! I have taken mostly bites of carbs (since they are the softest), but very little. I also took a few bites (bird bites) of hamburger. Everything stayed down but the hamburger and one of the carb bites did feel stuck and I thought I would puke. I just breathed long breaths, and waited it out. Luckily nothing happened. Just painful for a few minutes. I must have eaten them too fast. Boy is that a hard trick....learning to slow down and take small bites! So anyway, on my birthday we went to Taco Bell where I had the insides of a bean and cheese burrito and later we went to Cold Stone Creamery and had a sinless sweet cream strawberry shake! It was awesome, fat free, no sugar added, made with splenda. It was a good night for experimenting and finding some things that will stay down and taste good. I am beginning to wonder though if I am one of those people whom sugar has no effect on. I guess because I can eat the no sugar added stuff so far. But as for eating chocolate or something, I'm not sure that I am willing to try something and get sick for hours later. Anyway, this Thursday is my appointment with my nutritionist and I should learn lots more about protein foods and things I can try. I am excited to end this shake phase, and I hope I don't have to use them again for a long time. Oh please, oh please.....not for awhile. I will take some time to weigh in this Thursday. My swimsuit is getting a little baggy, I fit into our old car again comfortably, and I can wear some of my old shorts and t-shirts again. I am still at a phase where I feel a little cheated (in terms of foods I can't eat, portions, etc...) but I suspect that will fade as I lose more weight and feel even better. I hope.....otherwise I may have to seek counseling to get to the root of this feeling of being cheated. Everything else is good, just going day by day.....
11/19/04 Well I saw my nutritionist today and it was great! I am now on the next stage of soft foods and I am kicking the protein shakes out the door!! I am so excited to eat food with texture I could do a dance :) I also weighed myself yesterday and I am 237lbs. I thought that seemed slow in a month but the nutritionist said that was great. So I will take her word for it and not sweat it. I noticed the other day when my husband, son and I went for a walk up some of the hills around our house that I wasn't out of breath and needing to stop for a break. My feet hardly hurt at all now, although the bone spurs in my feet will never go away. The pain should just be a lot less and less frequent. For that I am grateful...thank you Jesus! I look at the family picture that we had taken one week before surgery and I look so bloated! My face has gotten thinner and I got a new swimsuit. Not because my other one is so much bigger but it was starting to get see through! It did feel good to go shopping and not be ashamed to try something on. Not much else going on for now....excited to start trying new foods.
11/24/04 I had a bit of a scare the other day with a food. I am on the soft food portion of the program now and made a mistake and tried some chicken. The first few bites went just fine, but the third one I don't think I chewed as well and it got stuck. We were actually at McDonald's with the kids, so I packed them up real quick because I knew it was just a matter of time and I would be throwing up. I was driving because it was just the kids and I, and traffic was horrible. I finally got to an empty school parking lot, pulled over and proceeded to find a bag to puke in. Luckily I found one and luckily it was nighttime so no one saw me. I figured it was over when I threw up, so I drove home and when I got in the door had to go another round. This proceeded to go on the rest of the night! I couldn't even keep water down and saliva was getting to the point where it didn't want to stay down either. I did some posting on the CA board to see if anyone else had had this problem. Then I called my doctor who told me I had probably gotten it stuck. He suggested 1 tsp meat tenderizer in hot water and if that didn't work they would have to scope me. So needless to say, I was freaked out! After I got off the phone, I was crying. I was so mad at myself! I called my husband at work and asked him to come home and get the tenderizer for me. I took that horrible stuff which did not stay down and finally just decided to go to bed. I was exhausted. While laying down I sent a desperate prayer to God pleading him to relieve me of this misery. Not 10 seconds later, I popped my eyes open in realization that it had gone down. I could swallow again!! Praise Jesus! Thank you Lord for a modern day miracle! :) I wanted to drink some water as I was merging on dehydrated, but I didn't want to push it and end up in the bathroom again, so I waited until 2:30 am and drank that heavenly manna! Since then, I guess I have layed off the meat. I don't have trouble with tuna though as it is so soft and easy to mash. But lord that was scary. I never want to do that again. I guess I got cocky :( Anyway, tomorrow is my weigh in day, but I was 233 today and I got my period, so I am going to stick with 233 for now. Unless, it tells me a different lower number tomorrow. :) So I guess that makes a total loss of 27 lbs since surgery. Things are fitting better and I am walking easier. My husband wanted to know which nickname I would like now that I am losing weight. My choices were Skinnypants or Fluffybottom. Hmmmmm, I'm torn :) My husband is such a goof....I love him so
12/2/04 Well, weigh in day once again. It seems like the scale is moving slow, but I guess 3 lbs in a week is good. Anyway, the number is 230 lbs, so I have lost 30 lbs so far in 6 weeks. I have had several run ins with different foods. I think the problem was to big of bites, not chewing well enough, or full and not recognizing it until it was too late! :( Barf city! I almost barfed at my daughters school the other day. I held it in for 30 minutes till I got home and practically fell in the toilet trying to get there fast enough! I use a toddler spoon and bowls for eating and it really does take me 30 minutes to eat something. Not because I am trying but I can recognize when something hasn't fully gone down my throat yet. I end up waiting until it passes to take the next bite. It's incredibly frustrating....its almost as if food isn't as much fun if I can't wolf it. I know that makes no sense but thats what it seems like. I also find myself trying to serve myself more food than I can eat sometimes or trying to finish something because its a treat. Old habits die harrrrrrrrd! Anyway, things are going well and I am exercising at the pool every other day. I am also trying to go for more walks as my feet are feeling better these days. On the personal side, sex has gotten easier as well. And thats all I will say on that matter. :) I also found out that I have a face inside all that fat! Life is good....thank you Jesus!
12/09/04 Today's weight is 228, so I have lost a total of 32 lbs in 7 weeks. I have noticed my stomach is smaller, my butt is smaller, my legs seem stronger (probably due to the swimming), and I can walk around with no problem because my feet aren't killing me. I have also had a chance to go out to eat a couple of times and the experiences have been good. Fish works really well and I have found I don't have a problem with bread or pasta. I really haven't had much of them but they stay down well and don't make me uncomfortable. That makes me happy because I can get some fiber in and meals seem more normal. The other day I had a little more than a quarter or a tuna fish sandwhich. Just the perfect size. I think the hardest thing is waiting to drink before, during and after meals. I get so thirsty! I am still playing around with my vitamins until I find the best tasting ones. I am still stuck with the calcium and I am looking to find a different multi-vitamin. But I continue to chew the crappy stuff until I find my favorites. It's funny, but I like that my life hasn't changed much and that I haven't made this surgery my whole life. I, of course, have changed the way I eat and have to do some planning and thinking, but other than that things are normal. Of course I am exercising and things are getting easier but I love that I haven't gotten obsessed. Just another path taken in my life. Until next week.....
12/12/04 I couldn't wait until next week to post this as I was too geeked! I am down to 226 as of today and something cool happened yesterday. I went to a sale by my house of a place that sold T-shirts (my favorite item of clothing), shorts, dresses, etc. All the fabrics are bright, colorful, unique. Anyway, I went to go see if they had some x-tra larges because I was needing more shirts as my own were getting too baggy. They were on sale for $1 apiece so I couldn't resist! Anyway, I found several t-shirts that were x-tra larges and a couple of tank tops (I like to use those as pjs to sleep in). When I got home I realized that the one tank I liked the best was a medium (it was a spaghetti strap tank). I was kind of bummed until I tried it on and it fit!!! It was snugger than I like to wear them but not uncomfortable, just showing more outlines of my stomach than I usually like. :) Anyway, I told my husband "Do you realize that this is the first time I was able to buy off the rack?" How cool is that?! Anyway, I keep worrying that I'm not getting enough protein but I wouldn't be losing weight if I wasn't would I? Anyway, just had to post! See you next week....
12/16/04 Time for the weekly weigh in....224 lbs. I have lost a total of 36 lbs since surgery! I still wish it was going faster but I will take losing over gaining. I have found since the 2 months since surgery that I can tolerate anything. I really haven't tried sugar, so I shouldn't say anything. I have tried orange juice which has a lot of sugar but I didn't have more than 1/4 cup. Nothing happened. I probably will still try to stay away from sugar. I have plenty of Splenda and try to bake with this. I have also had tuna, chicken in a vaccummed bag, ground turkey, and ground beef. Ground beef is a little difficult to chew but I can eat it. I have not tried chicken breast yet, as I feel I should wait until I get further out. After that chicken scare where I got it stuck in my throat, I don't want to go through that again. So I wait....in my meantime I don't feel cheated at all. I have been cooking everything with ground turkey and everyone loves it. The only thing I hate is that it can be expensive. I have made meals for everyone and sometimes I eat theirs and sometimes I have something different. I also found some ready to drink protein shakes for days when I'm in a hurry. They have 35 grams of protein and I think they are the best I've tasted! It's nice because I don't have to mix them; just drink. I also found a really good protein bar called Dulche de Leche from Luna. It's great...caramel tasting with a crisped rice texture. It's wonderful...the best one I have tasted. I am trying to drink lots of water and make every choice that I eat something of protein value. Except for dessert at night which I love to eat Tofutti's snack sandwhiches. They are like ice cream sandwhiches but made with tofu. Really awesome! I was skeptical but I love them and so do my kids and husband. I have my 3 month appointment Jan 21 of next year. Time is really flying. I still swim 3 days a week and I love it. My arms and legs are getting stronger. Even though I only swim 6 laps, that is a lot for me! So I am proud! I ordered a liquid calcium citrate from Puritan's Pride and I'm hoping this is my last attempt to find a calcium citrate that I can tolerate! They also have a multi-vitamin that I might try after my current supply runs out. If anybody is interested their website is www.vitamins.com They commonly have 70% off of their prices and stuff is really cheap. You also have the option of looking at the labels to compare ingredients. Anyway, not much else to report.....life going on as usual just at a faster pace since I can move now! :) God is good! See you next week.....
12/23/04 Weigh in day...219 lbs...only 18 more to go before I hit the 200 mark! So far I have lost 41 lbs. My husband keeps saying that my butt is getting smaller! I say GOOD! We are supposed to do something special when I hit the 200 mark; not sure what yet. I finally found a liquid calcium that I can take and don't notice that I am taking as opposed to the chalky tablets and horrible tasting products I have taken up to this point. I get it from Puritan's Pride and I put 2 tablespoons in my light orange juice in the morning. Don't notice it and I get to have orange juice!! Yeah :) I am thinking of switching over to their liquid multi-vitamin as well. You guessed it...I hate my chewable one! I am such a child :) And would you guess I have no problem chewing Tums!? Most known for being chalky. Never bothered me and yet it has taken me months to find vitamins that I can tolerate! Praise Jesus I found them! Not much else happening....I can eat most meat and I think I am getting the habit of eating off small plates/bowls and eating with toddler utensils. I can drink decent mouthfuls as well but just not fast. It's nice not to have to sip everything! Until next week....
12/30/04 The weeks seem to go by so fast; seems like I just updated. I know this profile must be boring as I just seem to be using it as a weigh in journal. It just seems like everything else is going well for now, so there doesn't seem to be much else to say. I guess I'm just using it for me and my family in Michigan, so they can see how I'm doing. The weigh in today is 217 lbs. 43 lbs since surgery. My underwear is getting baggy, I looked bloated in old pictures (funny how I didn't see that before), and I keep catching my ring on stuff (its getting looser). I love that I can eat just about anything I want....I just make better choices when eating out, cooking, or snacking. I do have some head demons at night. This is the only time I feel the need to eat when I am not hungry and its usually crackers or something. This is a battle that I know I will be fighting for a long while. Anyway, I guess that is it for now.
1/6/05 Weigh in day....215 lbs....I only have 15 more to go before I get to the 200 mark. I can feel my legs and sides/stomach getting squishier. My husband never knew me before that weight. I had him get my old clothes that I had in storage from when I was thinner so I shouldn't have to buy anything for awhile, except maybe a few pairs of pants. I did buy three bras the other day. I haven't bought bras in 5 years! It was cool to find some cute ones and have some shape to my boobs. :) I feel like I have a brand new wardrobe. I had some chicken for the first time the other day and I did fine. So I guess I don't have problems with most meats. The only one I haven't tried is steak or beef (except hamburger). I still have to eat slow and chew throughly but I can now handle bigger amounts of water and things feel more normal. I have also lost the resentment of not being able to eat large amounts. I love that this has forced me to portion because it is such a healthy portion. It makes me feel good to eat so little. It take me 2 times to eat a chicken ceasar salad from McDonalds and I still don't finish all the lettuce. Once the meat is gone, I throw away the extra salad. My nutritionist said salad is good but it really has no nutritional value. Protein first.... I also am now taking a liquid multi-vitamin and liquid calcium. I finally have the right taste combo of the vitamins that I need to take. I am also coming up on my three month appointment this January. I am anxious to see what my labs say about my blood. I hope everything is ok. Anyway, everything else is the same....same but good!
1/13/05 Thursday is here again and the magic number is 210 lbs. 50 lbs so far and only 10 more to go before the 200 mark! I almost lost my ring swimming in the pool yesterday. I guess I might have to go get it resized or just take it off while swimming I guess. I love that I have a new wardrobe now. Of course it is still just T-shirts but I love them anyway. I have tons to wear now! I also got myself some makeup the other day. I always told myself that I was a low maintenence person, and in a way I still am, but I have always wanted to look good in a little makeup. I finally feel confident to wear it. It feels really neat to finally feel like a decent looking girl! We are also getting a new family picture in February. I can't wait to look at that photo compared to the one we took one week before surgery. I got a new rec ID the other day and it was pretty cool to see the difference there too. I am finding that I can pretty much eat any foods, just smaller. I get cocky once in awhile and eat too fast or too many bites at once and get sick but other than that, everything is so cool! My vitamins are no longer so difficult to take as I take two tiny chewables for iron and b-12 and liquids for calcium and multi-vitamin. Makes my day a lot easier. I can't wait to see what my labs say...I hope everything is ok and that I won't have to add any vitamins. I haven't lost any hair yet but I guess it is just getting close to the three month mark and hair starts to go after the 3rd month to the eighth I think. Maybe I will lose the white hairs first :) Well, not much else going on...even though this profile seems boring I hope it helps someone out there. I don't seem to be going through any negative emotions or problems related to WLS so I never have much to say, but I know these profiles really helped me before I had my surgery.
1/20/05 Another weigh in day and the number is 206.5 lbs. I have my period so I probably weigh about 2-3 lbs more than I actually might because of water weight. This is my story and I'm sticking to it! :) I went to my three month appointment today. Everything is cool; doc said the weight loss was real good. Didn't have to get any labs done yet but I will do them at my 6 month appointment in April. I just can't believe how well this is going. We (my family and I) went for a walk downtown today. The town I live in is really hilly so before surgery I was hoofing it up the hills sweating like a pig sometimes having to stop and catch my breath. But today we were almost back home before I realized that I hadn't sweated, puffed, had to stop, or complained even once. I could talk and wasn't out of breath. What a wonderful miracle!! I have taken to sliding on the park equipment with my children again. I missed being able to do that! I fit in seats I never fit in before, I can talk while exercising, swimming is getting easier (although I still float like a cork!), and life is generally getting easier. I actually gave myself a pedicure with my MOPS group the other day and I liked it! I keep doing double takes when I see my toenails painted. I wonder what happened to my toes :) I can't believe how cool this is and I'm not even done yet. I haven't been the weight I want to get down to for so long I wonder what it will be like. I am hoping to get some pics posted soon but I have to send them snail mail and I just keep forgetting. I often wonder who really reads these profiles anyway, but then I lived off of them before I had surgery. Anyway, not much else going on except me loving life! Thank you Jesus for this gift....please let me respect it....keep me from the gluttony that threatened to destroy me and help me break free from the bondage of food. "Man does not live by bread alone but by the very word that comes from the mouth of God." Awh, geez, you had to say bread....my favorite thing :)
1/26/05 I actually am supposed to update tomorrow but I thought I would break the monotony. I don't expect to be any lighter tomorrow so what the heck. If I happen to lose by tomorrow then I will post a weight. Everything is going well and I am really enjoying eating smaller. It feels good to eat small and eat the right stuff. I still have some carbs but I try to get protein mostly. Some days I really suck on my water comsumption but I try not to sweat it and do better the next day. I have really noticed a difference in my heart and how much it takes now to get me out of breath. That is cool! I think the swimming probably has something to do with that but not carrying around 54 extra pounds makes a difference too. I am so glad God gave me the courage to go ahead with this operation. The upcoming months hold nothing but excitement to see what will happen. Anyway....next time.....
1/29/05 Not much to say but 203.5 lbs. I sucked at water consumption yesterday, but today is another day.....everything is going well. We will be getting a new family picture in about a week. I can't wait to compare the pics and see the difference. I even contemplated having everyone wear the same thing so they would be almost identical, but I don't fit into the pants I was wearing then, so that's out. :) I also caught a glimpse of myself in a mall mirror yesterday and was pleasantly suprised! I still am overweight but I could really see the difference. I was no longer bloated, puffed up, popping out of my pants, etc. It was nice; I actually looked longer for about 10 seconds instead of sprinting away from the mirror! I am so close to 200...I am hoping by next week I can say I am 200! Baby steps!
1/30/05 Well I had my first dumping episode yesterday. On accident, not on purpose. :( Dumping, for anyone who doesn't know, is flu like symptoms, racing heart, tiredness, weakness, diarreah, etc. I don't think throwing up is part of that. We went to Ben & Jerry's and I picked a no sugar added flavor, or so I thought. I must have misunderstood the girl. Anyway, after getting home about 10 minutes after finishing the shake, I started feeling yucky and extremely tired. I continued to feel this way for the rest of the night. I finally went to bed at 9:30 because I just couldn't take it anymore. I woke up better and a couple of pounds lighter. Don't know how that happened! I am now at 201 lbs. Boy I hope I never have to do that again! On the up side, I am glad that I do dump on some things. This should deter me from any temptations for regular sugar items. I really haven't had any regular items since surgery except for this one I guess. Now I know for sure. Dumping sucks! But being closer to my small goal is too cool!! :) Next time.....
2/10/05 Well I missed updating last week because I had been trying to lose the same pound for almost two weeks and I didn't want to write that down! Stinking plateau!! Well I am happy to say that I have lost it and am now officially at 199 lbs! I broke past the 200 mark!! I am also trying to make a habit out of getting up at 6:00am to do exercise on the days that I don't swim. I would love to do the same thing on the days I do swim but I am taking one day at a time. I am still struggling with wanting to eat at night. That head hunger thing is viscious! I wish that wasn't so hard! I went to Target yesterday and tried on a swimsuit top because mine has gotten too loose. I seem to be losing on the top faster than the bottom. Now I look like a pear :) Anyway, I fit into a 16 swimtop. I was so excited! Then I wandered over to the clothing section and was actually looking at some stuff I could wear off the rack and thinking how fun this was. What the heck!! I have never liked shopping! Now I was wandering around thinking how fun this was. And another thing....I am wearing makeup, I had a Mary Kay consultant come to my house and give me a skin care/makeover! Now I have an extensive collection of cosmetics and I am looking at getting an organizer. What the heck is wrong with me!? We get our next family picture tomorrow and I can't wait to compare the two photos and visualize the difference. I mean, I know I've lost 61 lbs but unless I can look at pictures its hard to tell. Except of course for being able to wear some t-shirts that I haven't been able to wear for years! I will be coming up on 4 months from surgery on the 21st of this month. My hair is really falling out like gangbusters! It's weird cuz I wash my hair and come away with hands that look like Mr. Hyde! I need a drain trap in my shower now! Good thing it grows back or I would be worried! I can pretty much eat anything I want except sugar and I don't have anymore problems chewing well enough. I'm sure I will get some in the future when I get too cocky, as we all do :) I also ordered some protein pwd samples from Unjury to pump up the protein levels in some of the things I might eat in a day. I ordered unflavored so it won't take away from the flavor of the food already. Anyway, not much else going on.....later.....
2/12/05 Well, still holding at 199 but its only been a couple of days since I weighed. We got our family picture last night and I am going to have to hang them both (the old one taken 1 week prior to surgery and now) together so I can be encouraged by them. The new one is awesome! I have lost so much weight in my face and the other one I am sooooo bloated! I knew I was fat, but holy cow! You never really see it the way it truly is. I guess I was probably protecting myself. Anyway, I can't wait to get another one done in 6 months :) I decided that I am going to start supplementing my eating with some unflavored protein powder to boost up the protein. If anyone is looking for something like this go to www.unjury.com and they have samples you can try before you decide to buy larger quantities. It mixes great in liquid and food. I also bought a medic-alert bracelet for "just in case." Anyway, not much else happening but I'm feeling great and loving this surgery!
2/17/05 I am 196 lbs today. Well I have my period and I am actually 197 1/2 but I know it is lower because of water weight :) I had three people from my daughters school today tell me I am melting away! How cool is that?! I love it! I wore a pair of red pants today that I have had for years and never fit into. They are an 18/20 but they fit more like a 16. They were always tighter than my other 18/20's. I still felt like a tomato and felt like everything was highlighted (the bad parts that is :) but people seemed to notice the weight loss more with the brighter colors. I am so used to wearing dark colors so I won't stick out (literally and figuratively)! The other day I saw a cute yellow top I wanted to try on....yellow? I don't even think that goes with my skin! It's cool the self confidence you get back when you lose weight! I am also amazed at how easy it is for me to walk on the beach now. I used to have to stop every 15 steps and take a break. Now I don't even think about it....it doesn't hurt my feet, legs, ankles, don't even breathe differently. Its awesome! My son and I went to the beach today to feed the seagulls and collect clam shells. He loves the beach and I love being able to go anywhere with him now. I fit into booths, kiddie tables, playscapes, slides, swings, my van, my car, the list just goes on and it can only get better with more weight loss. I think I finally might need to get my ring resized as it is really loose. I don't wear it swimming anymore because it almost came off one time and I'm not a good "dive down to the bottom of the pool and retreive something" person! I can almost completely wrap a regular towel around me now. I still feel self conscious at the pool with all the skinnies, but I'm not gonna let that stop me. Thank you Lord!
2/24/05 A lot has happened this week..or maybe its not alot but it feels like it for me :) I bought a Tae Bo video and its kicking my butt! But I love it...it makes me feel cool and sore :) I also went to Target for fun and for an ego boost and tried on 13 items! Granted, about 6 of them were exercise tops but the rest were really cool tops and blouses with some fashion! I actually enjoyed it and fit into some large things! Then, yesterday, I went to Fashion Bug and bought two pairs of jeans!!! I haven't worn jeans in over ten years! I had refused to buy the size that I steadily needed so I just went to stretch pants and never looked back. Granted the jeans I bought are stretch jeans and a size 18 (still in the plus section) but they are JEANS!!! I guess I still have more junk in the trunk than up top! :) I feel so good in them! What a miracle this surgery is. When I tried the first pair on I sat on the bench and cried. They actually fit and I had actually prepared myself for the fact that possibly jeans wouldn't fit me yet or that I would think they were too uncomfortable. Wearing stretch pants for over 10 years can do that to ya! I am also officially 194 lbs. Still having trouble getting rid of the "snacking at night monster." I really have to work hard to not snack. It is such a habit! Everything else is going real well. My next goal is 170 lbs and then my last goal will be 130 lbs. See you next week :)
3/3/05 Official weigh in day.....192 lbs. I think the jeans I got are getting big already. But not in the butt :( I need to get out my Buns of Steel tapes and start working on the "junk in the trunk"! I also need to work on the pockets of fat and skin hanging by my knees!! I hate that! I hate to be vain but I really wish I hadn't noticed that :( I have to keep telling myself that its only been 4 1/2 months and things can get better....I hope :) Things are still going well....I have people commenting all the time about how great I am doing and I struggle with whether or not to tell them I had surgery. Part of me feels like by saying that I am negating what I have accomplished or because I had surgery to help that my weight loss has nothing to do with me. Granted, a huge part of it is attributed to surgery but I still have to work at it. I also feel like by telling them they won't understand and think I took the easy way out and not realize that I have to work hard not to go back to my old habits. I guess I always feel like people will know I'm a phony if I don't tell them....like its written on my forehead or something. Crazy I know....and I know I'm not a phony but sometimes it feels like it....wierd feelings....oh well.....more next week....
70 lbs lost!!!
I officially weigh 190 lbs today :) The jeans I bought a couple of weeks ago are starting to get loose. I am not used to buying transition clothes:( I guess I will have to invest in a good belt. Things have been going real well but lately I have been thinking about the time that I get to goal and what it will be like to not be loosing anymore weight and having to maintain. It's kind of scary...I can eat bigger portions now, which I know is normal. Although the portions are still small, I still go through the motions of wondering if I have stretched my pouch, yada yada yada....I know thats not true either. Oh the head games we play...I just hope my labs are ok...I won't get them done until my 6 month appointment in April. Everything else is going well. My husband keeps slapping my butt and telling me I look Hot! I still look at videotapes of me and say "oh my butt looks fat". I wonder if I will ever think that I look nice? Don't get me wrong, I feel great at what I have accomplished, but the self esteem issue has been bad for so long, I don't know what it will take to fix it. God really has to do a number on me :)
5/7/05 Well after not updating for so long I have decided I really don't have time to update. I just have too much going so I have decided to quit updating my profile. I got so much from this website before and after....I am so grateful. I wish everyone who is waiting for surgery good luck and thanks everyone for everything. I have lost 86 lbs and will keep going. Life is good and active! Thanks and goodbye :)
1/5/06 I guess I have time for a small update :). I have currently lost 110 lbs and am hanging there for awhile which is alright with me. I have joined a gym regularly and take a class called Bootcamp. I am in the best shape of my life, have lots of energy, have an actual face now, and love to have my picture taken now. Go figure....I am also moving to Indiana and I am very excited. Now I just have to find another doctor for my aftercare. Life is good!
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Surgeon: Milton Owens (COE)
I haven't actually met my surgeon yet but I have read good things about him and his office. The office staff so far are very friendly and very helpful. Getting my surgery approved was very easy. I didn't have to do much of anything. As for what is better, surgical competence or bedside manner or both, surgical competence should reign supreme. But bedside manner is important too. I'd say 60%-40%.
I didn't deal with them directly. Since I have an HMO, I had to go through my PCP (primary care physican), who sent the request in to see if I could get approved. About a week later, my doctors office called telling me I have been approved for a consult with Dr. Owens. I called his office, they told me I had to watch the online seminar and fill out the pre-op forms first. Then they sent them to my insurance company and my primary got the approval on 8/25/04. So all in all, it only took a week. My primary was shocked that it got approved so quickly. She thought that they were going to want me to jump through some hoops first. Frankly, I was shocked as well, but happy. I don't have that much experience with this insurance company as my husband switched insurance when we moved from Michigan, but what I have seen so far is awesome for an HMO!