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J. J. Post Op - BMI: 30.2 Surgery Type: RNY Member ID: J1058459329 Surgeon: Manuel E. Castro |
Click here for J.'s surgery support page Click here for the 12/2003 Reunion Page Click here to print J.'s cards (You can print your own cards, and if you're good at it, you can help print cards for your friends as well!) |
 8/12/03 I have an appt. to have my psych and fitness eval. 9/9/03. I am still a bit concerned because I don't know how I am going to pay for this. The cost to self-pay is $21,000! I (like most) don't have that lying around. I HATE the thought of putting a second mortgage on my home. As mentioned below, my insurance has a written exclusion to any and all WLS (the boogers). But, I KNOW that this is something I have to do. I have always been overweight. You know the story, picked on, never asked to prom (or anywhere for that matter), always the good friend to the opposite sex, never to be the object of affection, the one who babysits coats and drinks when out at the club and escorts the thinner friends to the bathroom only to return to the seat while the thinner friend returns to the dance floor. Presently, I am 5'6" and 318 lbs. and I just turned 30. I realize now that my whole reason for desiring to lose weight has changed. It was once simply the desire to be attractive and accepted. I still have those desires of course, (it's only human) but now it is to a much lesser extent. The main purpose is to live longer for my children and to have a better quality of life and the energy to be the best Mommy I can be. I find it difficult to go outside and play and run along side my children. It was my husband who taught our daughter to ride a bike. My husband who flies the kite with the kids. I am the one with the camera and camcorder wondering how much longer it will be before I can sit down in the shade or better yet in the air-conditioning. My role in the family is the educator, love-giver and the boo-boo healer, while my hubby is the fun. All of my personal interests are based indoors (reading, internet surfing, TV, logic and crossword puzzles...) while he is the king of the outdoors. I don't want my kids to take after my sedentary ways or worse still, to become overweight themselves. I wouldn't want them to experience what I have. I also want to be more outgoing for my husband as well. I am happily married to a wonderful man who happens to be thin and handsome. I find myself often in disbelief that he would want to be with someone so large even though he could have other women. He married me for the person I am, not the person he saw on the outside. I am truly blessed to have him and a 3 yr. old girl and a 1 yr. old boy. Because my husband (nor anyone in his family) has ever been overweight, he can't understand that it takes more than just eating less and exercising. Don't get me wrong, he never ridicules me, but I can tell when he makes comments like that he doesn't even have a clue. Thin people seem to think that we want to be this weight or are just lazy. That with just a little effort we can be just like them. It's a "fat thing"; they will never understand! I am an RN in a surgical ICU and I often take care of patients after they have undergone open-heart surgery, so I see first-hand the effects of obesity and a sedentary life-style. I don't want that to be me. I now not only have to live for me but for my children as well.  8/28/03 Hi again. I have alot of discouragement in my life right now with regards to WLS, so I thought it would be helpful to type in my journal. At least it's not coming from those that matter to me. My mother, husband and friend still stand cautiously behind me. I say "cautiously" because they don't cheer the idea of WLS on, but they agree that if this is something I am determined to have done they will support me. I am happy with that because honestly, I really wasn't expecting that much. So, anyway, on to the discouragement. It's all coming from work. Ever since I made mention of my plans, the negativity has been coming out of the woodworks. All sorts of ghastly horror stories. I have even talked to three fellow employees that have had the procedure. Two of them remain obese and the other is not. The two that remained obese have terrible medical problems that they attribute to WLS (ie. arrhythymias requiring a pacemaker, electrolyte imbalances, brittle bones, and food intolerances {although from what I have seen they eat very well}). The one that is thin complains of fatigue. They all agree that they would not recommend WLS to anyone. The first two ladies I can understand, but what about the one that has lost all the weight? I thought I was saving the best for last when I talked to her about WLS. I just knew her comments would be favorable, since in my eyes she is a success story. I was wrong. She had WLS 10 years ago and she had the nerve to say, "I think that there are much better ways to lose weight these days, like diet, exercise or some of the new medicines". Can you believe that? Spoken like a true thin person. She must not remember what it was like. I vow to myself that I will NEVER forget the pain, frustation and difficulty of losing weight and what its like to be overweight! I don't care how thin I get. Aside from the three who had WLS, EVERYONE else has strong opinions on the subject as well. I have heard it all: 1). You have children you need to be around for, this surgery is unsafe and you may very well die. 2). Look at Carnie Wilson, she's starting to gain all her weight back. (I haven't seen her recently so I cannot comment on that personally, but I am not following in a star's footsteps anyway. I had been thinking about this long before I saw Carnie). 3). How can you alter your body so drastically, can't you just try diet and exercise? (This next one is my favorite...) 4). What about Adkin's? (My response to that one is to ask the person if they have looked around and seen what happens the SECOND someone gets off the Atkins diet?). 5). 1 in 200 people die from this surgery. 6). You're not sick now but you will be after you have the surgery. 7). There are too many complications with this surgery. (and last but not least...) 8)You are just looking for an easy way out. I wish I had never mentioned my plans to anyone at work. I should have just lied and said that I will have to take sick time off for some other reason. Of course when I start to lose weight quickly and I can no longer eat the way I did in the past they may start to wonder about my honesty.  10/9/03 Since I last posted, I have gone for my psych and phys evals which I passed with flying colors. That's the good news, now for the bad...I have also gained 11 lbs! I am now weighing #329! I don't think I'm eating any more than usual, but then again, do we EVER think that we are? It may be the fact that I know I am going to have to stop eating alot of the foods that I once enjoyed and that I am trying to get them all in, it may partly be the stress of having the surgery and all the loops one has to jump through in order to have it (because Lord knows that when I am stressed, food is my coping mechanism of choice). Or it could simply be that it is nearing that time of the month (which it is) but #11?!!! One thing that I gained from having my evals and seminar, is that I learned that I had become so accustomed to being overweight (have been so ALL of my life) that I didn't realize how much it was affecting me. When I was interviewed I answered "no" to alot of the questions re: health and physical issues. I didn't realize I was so delusional until my bariatric nurse said, "Come on, you aren't having any physical discomforts? You are never tired or your back never hurts?" That was a wake up call. Because I have a full-time career and two young children I thought I was making it. I guess you might say that I am a "functional food-aholic" :) I knew that I had some difficulty and less energy than smaller people but until I really started to take a look at myself, I just didn't appreciate the severity of my condition. I even started to note little things that I would do in order to go about daily activities. For instance, I take EVERY opportunity to sit and if I am forced to stand for any longer than a minute, I begin to shift my weight from foot to foot or lean on objects. Like when I wash my hands, I noticed that I don't stand upright to do so, I lean on the sink with my elbows to avoid feeling lower back pain. Another thing that I have noticed, is that I have become extremely skilled at picking up objects with my feet or if there are a lot of objects needing to be picked up (like toys), I sit on the floor and pick them up, scooting on my butt from item to item so that I don't have to bend down as much (attractive picture, huh?). I also toss objects so that I don't have to get up or walk the extra few feet to place it where it belongs. Just like any other person with a disability I have compensated and found new ways to accomplish things. How sad that I have been doing these things so long that I didn't even realize that it was different. This has really been eye-opening for me. I am truly tired of being tired all of the time. I want to do chores and simple necessary activities without it being a major ordeal or taking me several hours to do it because I have to take so many rest breaks in between. No wonder I'm such a procrastinator. I honestly didn't realize it until now! I explained it away as being a "type B" personality. Boy, how the mind can prevent you from seeing the obvious. The other bad news is that after going through all of the evals, the bariatrics office informed me that my surgeon recently had to stop performing wls with his previous surgical group and has had to open a new office. I couldn't understand the rationale or how badly it would later affect me until they explained. The reason the surgeon made the change was because he was in a physician's group where not all of the members perform wls. This posed a problem when their malpractice insurance threatened to triple just because of wls. So it was decided in fairness to the other physicians that my surgeon only perform "typical" surgeries in their group and take his wls business on the road. So now the physician that my insurance told me was in network is only in network if I need something like a gall bladder removed, but if the same physician performs the gastric bypass surgery, I will not be covered ARGHH! After I went through all that trouble to find a physician with a good record, a memeber of the Academy of Bariatric Surgeons, and one that I thought my insurance would accept! So now, unless I plan to pay out-of-pocket for him (which is why I am paying a lot extra for private insurance in the first place), I will have to start all back over again :( *sigh* Does the nightmare ever end? I don't know if I am more mad at the malpractice insurance for going up so drastically, or the physician's office for not warning me BEFORE I made the 800+ mile trek. Well, whatever I do, it has to be soon because my weight and health is spiraling out of control and I'm tired and scared of what the future holds without quick intervention. I resent needing this surgery. I wish that I COULD do this on my own. I am too proud of a person to have to kiss ass and jump through so many hoops only to find setbacks on the other side! 11/26/03 Everything is going according to plan just S-L-O-W going. When you finally decide you want this surgery, you want it two weeks ago. I had to draw from my 401K plan and I received the check almost immediately (how cool is that) and along with the check, of course, came the schedule of repayment, lol. So, now I'm just waiting for an appt. with the surgeon and then I will finally get a surgery date. Since it's so close to the holidays, I'm sure I won't be seen this year. But as far as I'm concerned I wouldn't care if I had the surgery Christmas Eve. The negative side of me says that if something happened to me though, my poor family would always have to mourn during the holidays. Anyway, I decided to go ahead with the surgeon that I started this WLS journey with even though he is out-of-network. It occured to me while I was starting my search for a surgeon all back over (looking into credentials, are they a member of American Bariatric Surgeons?, years of experience...) that I should stick with who I know and just pay the extra $3,000 dollars. I mean this IS my life. But I will still have to give them a piece of mind for not telling me before I drove all that distance that he would now be out-of-network. Who knows, it may not have made a difference, but at least I would have had that option. Oh, and incidentally, when I had posted earlier that I had gained #11 and that it may have been due to my period; I was right, I am back to my usual weight Whew!  12/9/03 Words cannot express how crushed I am right now :( Last Tuesday, I learned that there would be a mandatory seminar held by the surgeon the following day. So, I bundled the kids up and set off again on the 800+ trip in order to attend. (You might wonder why I have opted to travel so far in order to have this procedure performed) They offer the procedure in cities much closer than 800 miles, but my family would have to stay in a motel while I am in the hospital and I want to be closer to my Mom when I have the surgery, that way the family and I can all be together at her home while I recover. Anyway, I get all that way out there only to find out that the insurance I've been paying for does not cover this procedure even though I learned of the insurance from a member of this site who supposedly had the procedure herself with said insurance! I was robbed. So, needless to say I am fighting to get the monies back that I have already paid, but it still leaves me right back where I started...Having to self-pay to the tune of $21,000! I was so close! I thought I had it in the bag. Now even if I don't have the surgery, which I will, I still have to pay for all that I have undergone thus far (psychological testing, appt. with a psychologist, physical fitness exam and seminars not to mention the travel expenses I have accrued). At the risk of sounding too melodramatic, I feel like I've been handed a death sentence. I am so envious of those whose insurance pays for this procedure. While I am looking at a car payment, others are only looking at a few hundred dollars rather than thousands! Well, that's all for now... 12/13/03 As the saying goes, I have some good news and I have some bad news. The bad news is that I will have to pay out-of-pocket for the surgery, but the good news is.......MY PARENTS GOT THE LOAN FOR ME AND MY SURGERY DATE IS THE 30TH!!!!!!!!!! YES! YES! THANK YOU LORD! I hate that I had to impose on my parents like this, but I am so happy they are helping me. Of course, I will have to repay the loan, but at least I didn't have to wait the time it would have taken to save up all the money or put a second mortgage on my house! I am blown away at how quickly I got a date! Even though I will be out of town for ALL the holidays, frankly, I don't give a darn! It actually works out that my daughter won't have to miss much pre-school and my hubby won't have to miss much work because they will be off on holiday anyway. I am so happy right now. Not nervous a bit. Just anxious to be on the other side! If anyone is reading this, please keep me in your prayers. THANX  12/16/03 (SIGH) Alas, yet another dissappointment in my long arduous WLS journey. My employer has informed me that because this surgery is "elective" (obviously "they" don't know what it's like to live in an MO body, elective my *ss) I cannot take the time off even with FMLA during the holidays "beause it's not FAIR to the other employees". Oh yeah? Well what about fair to me? I don't know if they can deny someone FMLA on those grounds, I'm reasearching that now. I just can't seem to find it written anywhere that FMLA is somehow invalid from Thanksgiving to New Year's each year. I am just sick of fighting every step of the #@*&ing way!!! 'Til next time... 12/16/03 It's always a fight isn't it? Well, I fought tooth and nail but I came out victorious! Whew, I'm tired but it'll all be worth it in the end. It turns out that when I started quoting FMLA laws from the U.S. Dept. of Labor and it seemed like I knew a little something about my rights the personnel office had to acquiesce. And you know the funny thing? They had the nerve to sound like they were doing me a favor! Like following the law was just a nicety on their part. It was also mentioned that the role of the personnel office was to keep a favorable relationship between the supervisor and the employee. I didn't know we had a problem. Was that a warning of things to come? Nonetheless, I won't let this bother me. I just hate that I have now lost an entire day that I desperately needed in order to leave town in a couple of days. It has left me drained. 12/22/03 Well, here I go! I am about to leave town for my pre-surgery consultation with the surgeon and then one week and a day from now I will finally, FINALLY be on the other side. I am still not nervous, just extremely excited! I can't wait! I think the reason that I have not gotten a chance to get nervous yet is that I have had to fight for this procedure the whole way. I haven't had a chance to get nervous because I am too busy being nervous that, somewhere along the way, the bottom is going to drop out of this thing and my dream will not become a reality. Maybe in a couple of days the nervousness will set in, but I hope it doesn't. Again, please keep me in your prayers and thank you to those that have sent me e-mails. They have really made me feel like I am not alone in this journey. See you on the other side... 1/12/04 It's a new year and a new me! I had the surgery on the 30th of Dec. and got out New Year's Day. The reason I was unable to update until now, is I had no access to a computer. I am finally back in town from recovering at my mom's house. Everything went fine. The worst of the discomfort was right beneath my left breast. The doctor said that was because that is where most of the work takes place, but it's gone now all except for this feeling like I pulled a muscle. It isn't so much of a pain, really, but more of a reminder. I went home with the JP drain until my one week follow up appt. I weighed 298.5 (BMI is now around 48) so I had lost a grand total of 19.5 lbs (3 of which were lost prior to surgery). Now, I am no longer "super MO" just MO. Yeah! Two days ago, I weighed 294. I am trying my hardest not to weigh everyday because it is so frustrating that I never feel like I have lost as much as I should have. I am far too unrealistic. For instance, having lost 24 lbs, I still feel like it could be more. But I truly am grateful, because I was beginning to think that this would never become a reality after all the fights I have had to go through in order to get here. But I made it! I walk for 30 min. everyday and soon I plan to join Curves. My goal is to walk 3 times a week and go to Curves three times a week. Seems like a lot for me since I have always been so sedentary, but I have to make this work. This is my last chance and besides I still have to pay off the loan I had to have to pay for the surgery. I can think of nothing more humiliating than having to mail in the last payment weighing 300 lbs. I also want to look into some water aerobics after I get the swing of this whole working out thing because I hear that it really helps to tone the loose skin. We'll see, I'm talking big now but I am really trying to take it one day at a time. I was drinking protein shakes and now I am drinking the zero carb isopure drinks. They are sooooo much better than trying to choke down the cake batter, I mean, protein shakes everyday. I would get so full not to mention nauseous with them. Now don't get me wrong these Isopure drinks don't taste like heaven (they have a tart aftertaste) but they are far better than what I was going through to drink the others. Ok, now that was all the good news, now for the bad...I cannot stick to this full liquid diet! I'm afraid that I am going to mess something up inside. But I feel great, I tolerate EVERYTHING I put into my mouth. Haven't thrown up once. Which scares me because maybe this pouch/tool thingy isn't gonna work for me. So far I have eaten small bites of fish, roast, steak finger, hot wing, bean burrito, taquito, jalapeno, pickles and olives! What the hell?! Isn't this stuff supposed to come back up? Am I hurting myself? Because if I am I can't tell because (not to be too explicit, but) I'm able to pass gas and have normal BM's. So can't I just keep on like I'm going? If you'll notice, just about everything that I have eaten is protein-based. They all fall in line with a post-op diet, but one that is 6-months out and here I am barely at two weeks!!! I am tickled pink that I can only eat nibbles and feel quite full, but I am scared to think that I might not have the dumping syndrome. I don't want to find out. But that was one of the things I chose the Roux en Y for. It's true what I have read about how your taste buds change after this surgery. I used to be a real carb-eater, now I think I would slap a bear to have a steak and a side salad forget the dinner roll or baked potato. I know, I know, I can't have it yet. I'm trying to stick to this diet but it's hard. If you'll remember, not being able to stick to a diet is one of the things that got me in this predicament in the first place (that, a sedentary life-style and bad genes). The first week I didn't have to eat anything at all because I stayed so full all of the time (might have been the shakes, I would go back to them to stop eating solids but they make me want to hurl). Now, I get hungry. It is so disappointing because several post-ops I have spoken to or have read their profiles say that they didn't get hungry for months. :( I have my family afraid to eat around me because I can't stand to see food and not be able to take part. Eating a nibble or two with the family has really helped my sanity. Or maybe I'm just making justifications? 2/6/04 Well, alot has changed since my last update. Looking back on it now I wanna laugh. The biggest change is that I can't eat all that crap I was nibbling on before. I am now on a soft diet (and that's not my own doing, the doctor says that I can be on a solid diet now and when I told the nurse that I had already been eating foods, she was none too pleased with me). But anyway, I was so proud, but a little nervous, that I could eat any tiny morsel that I put in my mouth and not throw up...well all that's history now! I throw up about 4 times a week, but I can always point to what I did wrong. Usually, it's that I have eaten too fast. I knew from all the research that I would have to eat slowly, but my concept of slow is mach-1 compared to the speed I have to eat at in order not to get sick. It takes me 30-45 minutes to eat a little less than half of a cheese sandwich. This is unreal to me because in my past life I could wolf that down in two bites and in just under 10 seconds! It doesn't bother me, it just takes ALOT of getting used to. I'm all for doing whatever it takes not to get that ball of food lodged in my esophagus that makes me have to purge just to feel like I'm not having a coronary. I have to sit down and eat and not have ANY distractions. I can't have babies crying, or even people talking to me because I find that I gobble the food and loose track of chews and pay for it later. From what I have read, you become accustomed to this new way of eating so that I won't have to continue eating in a vacuum. Eating out at a restaurant is out of the question right now. Another thing that has changed since my last post, is that I now know that it is definitely head hunger that I am experiencing. Being overweight all of my life I can honestly say that I don't have a clue what true hunger is, so I "thought" I was hungry as hell. What proved to me that I wasn't, was that I noticed the only times those feelings of "hunger" came was when I smelled someone else's food. In fact, I could go an ENTIRE day without eating and not think twice about it (how cool is that? Me, a person who's whole life revolved around food, forgetting to eat...HAH!) but the second someone else came around and I got a whiff of it...It's all over. I get down-right depressed that I can't tear into whatever they are having. It was so bad there for awhile that I refused to cook or grocery shop for the family because it bothered me so much. I'm a little better now, but not by much, lol. I think there is something to be said for the hormone levels dropping quickly with rapid wt. loss and feelings of depression. There are days when all I can do is cry and I don't have the energy to do much more than make a half-hearted attempt at chasing after my one year-old. I have never felt so crazy in my life, one moment rejoicing over pounds shed and the next moment crying uncontrollably because I can no longer sit down to a large plate of spaghetti and meat sauce with all the trimmings. I feel so silly at times like that, when I am lamenting the loss of food, but those are truly the hardest times (not to mention the fact that I am also in nicotine withdrawal. I quit smoking because there was no sense in having this major surgery only to die of lung cancer). But I have NEVER regretted having the surgery because I knew I was eating myself into an early grave and would not have lived to see 50. Another thing that has changed, is I have opted against joining a gym because I'm too cheap. I didn't have a clue that membership and joining fees were so high. I thought they were trying to rob me until my thin friend, who is a health enthusiast, told me that what they were asking was pretty average. (That just goes to show you that most M.O. people don't keep track of the going rates of gyms) Instead, I went to Sam's and bought some excercise DVDs. My favorite is a belly dancing one (please try to refrain from getting a visual). It works the heck out of you while still managing to look easy and graceful. So, I either walk, or if the weather is bad, I do a DVD. Yet another change, (boy, how one month in a wls journey can bring about a world of change) is that I can now tolerate the protein shakes again because now the Isopure drinks are nasty to me. I guess I'll just alternate and choke down whatever libation is palatable from day to day. And last but CERTAINLY not least, the final change is that I now weigh 277 lbs. (-41 lbs.), have lost over 17 inches throughout and have gone from a 5x to a 3x! YES!!! 2/23/04 Against my better judgement, my hubby fought in the Tough Man contest this weekend (men and their testosterone). He knocked one guy out and broke his nose, but lost by decision in the next fight. I was just extremely relieved that he didn't get hurt. But this is why I mention all of this...Friday night at the fight I was cheering for my man when a man sitting in front of me turned around and asks if that was my son I was cheering for *GASP!!!* I politely told him, "No, that's my husband and he happens to be older than me" with the best sh*t-eating grin I could muster. God, that hurt my feelings. But, I passed it off on the fact that the event IS sponsored by Budweiser and therefore he COULD have been a tad inebriated. But...BUT!!! the very next night, seated in a different section, a different man asks me the exact same question! I could have won the Tough Man contest myself had he and I been in the ring. I mentioned all that to say this...It is unfortunate that weight makes some of us appear older and it doesn't help when your mate is physically fit, because people ASSume that the two of you couldn't possibly be an item. Yet another reason I am soooo glad I had this surgery. I can't wait to look my age (or younger). Thanks for allowing me to vent. 3/3/04 Arghhh!!! This plateau business really sucks! I have read all the rationalizations for why this could be happening 1). that time of the month 2). increased muscle from excercising 3). the body and skin needing a period to catch up yada, yada, yada. It's still discouraging as hell when you don't see that darned scale moving. I knew this would happen, I just didn't think it would start so soon! I had my first plateau just a month after surgery. I shouldn't be so disappointed because even though I only lost about 9 lbs. for the entire month of Feb., I still lost 16 inches which is about what I lost in Jan. except I lost 38 lbs. then. Same amount of inches, but far fewer lbs. I should be happy because inches are what really matter. I can't seem to stay off the scale though. It's so frustrating. I curse at it at least 3 times a day. I have a digital scale so it seems as though every time I get on it (even if it is in rapid succession) I get a different reading, therefore, I have to re-weigh myself several times in a row until I get 3 consistent readings (can anyone say...obsessive-compulsive?). So, in actuality, I'm weighing a WHOLE BUNCH of times. I know it can't be helpful to weigh that often but it's sooo hard not to. I am really going to make a concerted effort to steer clear of the scale because my entire day is dictated by what the scale reads; if I don't like what it says then I am in a foul mood all day. Now, that's enough complaining. The upside is that I am FINALLY starting to feel human again after the surgery. I no longer get dizzy when I stand up, I now have re-gained the strength to open my own jars, I don't feel like I have to take a nap to rest up for my next nap, and the mood swings are starting to subside (not entirely but at least I don't feel the need to get on Zoloft or Paxil anymore). It was touch and go there for awhile. I didn't even know myself. I had NO energy after the surgery. I have never been so weak and crazy in all my life. I said things to my hubby I wouldn't expect to hear on an HBO movie. I became Satan incarnate and that is soooo not like me! If I wasn't cussing and throwing things, I was crying. I want to take this time to thank my hubby, mom, and best friend for being so patient with me and explaining to me that all was not lost and things would get better. It seems they were the only ones who remembered all the pre-op warnings I received about how I would feel post-op ('cause I sure forgot), or maybe I didn't think it would happen to me? I never regretted the surgery, but I sure hated the way I felt and prayed for the day when I wouldn't be a weak and sobbing lump of non-eating flesh. 4/21/04 I have lost a total of 65# and feel absolutely wonderful! I have been completely complication-free and my energy level is out of this world. I don't require nearly the amount of sleep I once did and my hormones have finally stabilized. I also notice that I can already accomplish so much more in a day than I used to and I still have alot more weight to go! I can only imagine what goal weight feels like. Another perk that I didn't expect is that with the weight loss I have noticed that the soles of my feet are softer and no longer cracked. I thought that I just had some rough feet and was resigned to the fact that I would have to always work like crazy with different cutlery tools and stones of torture in order not to strike sparks when I went bare-footed. I just noticed one day as I was applying lotion that I hadn't cut my hand in the process like I usually did. Ahh yes, it's the little things that mean so much in this weight loss journey (watery sigh). Yet another bright spot in my world, is that I can't remember the last time I threw up. I credit it to a combination of my pouch stretching somewhat and learning how much I can eat without feeling discomfort. I keep wondering if I have stretched my pouch too much or too soon. The only thing that provides me solace, in that regard, is the fact that it is obvious that I can't and don't consume even close to the amount that I used to pre-operatively. It also still concerns me that I can eat anything! Any meat, any pasta, even small amounts of sweets (gasp!); basically all the foods I was told would be a problem. My fear is that I won't attain my goal weight because I have to rely on willpower rather than be able to depend on fail-safes like dumping syndrome or food intolerances. Only a wls patient can understand the disappointment of not having dumping syndrome, everyone else would think it odd to WANT to get sick, but when you have an addiction like this, you want every weapon available in your arsenal. And my last gripe is that I only lose an average of 10 lbs. a month. A person on a regular diet and exercise program could do that. But the way I look at it is I wasn't able to do that, so I needed this tool. The hair loss has started. I have a receding hairline that is barely noticeable depending on how I style my hair, but because I expected it and was prepared for it, it doesn't bother me in the least. Everyone and everything I have read stated that it always comes back. The only other thing that I have to add is that I had my 3-month lab done and my potassium was a hair low so I'm taking prescribed potassium chloride elixir and my iron levels were also slightly low so I have added a 325 mg iron sulfate pill in addition to the iron I already get in my two complete Flinstone vitamins a day. I went today to get my baseline bone density scan done (they assure me that even though I'm already 3 months post-op, it's not too late). It was funny because I noticed a confused look on the lady's face who was to perform the scan, but I only realized what it was when she asked me how much I weighed and then mentioned (in a kind manner, mind you) that the diagnosis for the scan was "malnutrition". I laughingly explained that coding it in such a way was the only way my insurance would cover the expense and since I recently had wls I AM in a malnutritive state. 'Til next time... 5/4/04 My only update is that my BMI is now 39.9, meaning I am no longer super morbidly obese, nor even morbidly obese; I am now just severely obese! Hey, wait a minute...somehow SEVERELY obese seems worse, but I guess it's just because I have been M.O. so long I had gotten used to the term. 1/6/05 Wow! It's been a year since my surgery and it's been awhile since I have updated. Shame on me! But you know the old excuse: "Since losing all the weight, I have so much energy that I never find the time to sit at the computer". Which is very true, but I OWE this site an update to give back for all it has done for me. I can't tell you how much reading the countless number of member profiles helped me in my journey, so it would only be fair for me to return the favor. I remember that nothing would irk me more in the research phase of my journey than to be reading a journal and it just drop-off and we never heard from them again. Now look at me doing the same thing :(. Ok where to begin? So far, I have lost 120#. I started out at 318 and I now weigh 198. YEAH!!! I went from a size 28 to a 16 and from a 5X in uniforms to a Large! HALLELUJAH!!! I went from a BMI of 51 to 32 meaning that I started out as super MO and now I am just simply obese, which to thin people may not seem like cause for celebration, but coming from where I did,it is. I am so happy. I have had absolutely no complications nor regrets. HAIRLOSS They were right, it totally stops after 6-8 months. Now to grow it all back (sigh). ENERGY LEVEL My wt loss surgeon made a very true statement when he said that it was difficult for MO individuals to exercise because when you are that size, just getting out of bed and doing the normal activities of life is like exercise. So, therefore, it is next to impossible to ask someone whose back and knees are killing them to "just get up and exercise" like the thin, and the unknowing are fond of saying. This is the point I'm trying to get at...Once some of the weight comes off, you will (hold on to your hats) WANT to exercise!!! I swear it! I didn't believe it myself. But you have SOOOO much reserve energy from where you used to be carrying all the excess weight that you will be more willing to increase your activity barring you don't still have a physical impairment (beside the weight) that would still make it difficult. I go to the gym 3-4 times a week now. And once, I even exercised on my break at work (gasp! ME! I cannot believe it!). I can actually accomplish all the chores and errands that I set out to do each day. I can't imagine being able to sleep 12 straight hours anymore. My body only requires 6 hours of sleep now to function. How cool is that? That alone opens up more of the day to have a life! HEALTH I was fortunate in that I never had the high blood pressure or the other comorbidities that went along with MO, but I knew that it was only a matter of time. Even though I wasn't hypertensive, my BP and pulse have dropped significantly since the weight loss. More specifically, my average BP before surgery was 120/70, now it is 104/60. I even notice that sometimes if I get up to quickly, I get dizzy. (Gotta get my 12-month bloodwork drawn to make sure I'm not anemic because I am cold-natured now too.) My pulse was always above 100. About 110 beats/min. Now it's always 60, and 80 when I'm walking. I even have to TRY to get my heartrate to the "target zone" when I exercise. WARNING: This parts for the girls. My periods used to be extremely irregular. I'd sometimes go months without a period then I would bleed heavily for nearly a month. Now, I am like clockwork and they are lighter and shorter in duration. Only problem is that I now experience PMS which I didn't before. I get the cravings, appetite and mood swings, darn! Can't have everything. FEARS One of my fears is that my window of weight loss oppportunity will pass me by and I will not be at goal. I have 60 more pounds to go before I am at goal and I only have 6 months to a year in which to do it in. It's possible, but you always have this nagging fear in the back of your mind. Another of my fears is that I will regain the weight or that I have streched my pouch out too far. I can eat a TV dinner now. I can also eat a half of a deli sandwich, but if it's a sandwich from home with just plain sliced bread I can eat a whole one. You always have the fear that you are eating too much. DUMPING SYNDROME I get it, but not to the extent I want it. I wanted to not be able to eat ANY sweets or fats. I can eat both, just not to an excess. My dumping consists of heart rate increase, nervousness, fatigue, and nausea if it's a sweet and diarrhea if it's something that had too much fat in it. I never throw up anymore. The last time I threw up was because I ate a piece of chicken that was way too dry. I can eat steak, chicken, seafood (any meat as long as it isn't dried out). I can eat pasta as well. This makes me feel good in the respect that I am a "normal" individual without alot of restrictions. See, I never wanted to be that person at the dinner party that we KNEW had WLS because I can't eat this, I can't eat that...I didn't want the host to have to take special pains for the WLS guest. But the problem is that because I can eat anything I want, I have to be ever-mindful of what I eat. CHANGES THAT THE WEIGHT LOSS HAS BROUGHT ABOUT 1). My hubby is able to lift me like a bride! 2). I now weigh the same as him (only a matter of time before I am finally thinner than him!) 3). I can walk into any store and pick up an outfit off the rack and not pay $100 for it. There was a time that if I needed to go somewhere for a special occasion, I needed to know well in advance so that 1. I could FIND something decent to wear that would fit and 2. that I had enough money saved up to be able to afford it. Now, I just pop into any store and grab something. Just the other day for New Year's, I went into a store only a couple of hours before we were to start our celebration and walked out of the store spending $130, but this time I got far more than just one casual outfit. I got: a pair of jeans, a skirt, a jacket, two sweaters and a pair of shoes plus a couple of accessories!!! It's sucks how the fashion industry penalizes the overweight, it doesn't take THAT much more material. 4). Attention from the opposite sex. I have GOT to get my wedding rings re-sized because there is some attention that I do NOT want. Flattering, but DANGEROUS! 5). I can get ready to go without sweating profusely while trying not to wander too far away from the fan (even in the winter). 6). Not being out of breath when walking EVER! even up a flight of stairs! To be continued... 5/10/05 Hello again after such a long time. Words cannnot express how grateful I am for WLS. I have lost a total of 131 lbs. I went from #318 to #187, started out wearing size 28 or 32 to wearing 16 in Misses (not womens if I can believe that), I was super morbidly obese now I am just a whisper away from just being considered overweight (BMI went from 51 to 30). I feel great, have energy that is out of this world, and have had no complications. My lab work is normal. There is absolutely NO way I could have ever accomplished this without assistance. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a quick fix that I could just sit back and let happen; I have to exercise and watch what I eat too. I look at it as a second chance, a new start with a new stomach that gets full a lot quicker because it's no longer stretched out from years of binge-eating. I have to admit that I still overeat (that is to stay, I sometimes get full to the point of discomfort which is a definite no-no, but it's like any addiction, you deal with it day to day, the surgery didn't cure the addiction) but the difference is that EVEN when I eat more than I should, it's still a heck of a lot less than what I used to be able to eat before. There were times when I would eat 4 grilled cheese sandwiches (loaded with butter) and follow it up with a heaping bowl of cereal that would be the equivalent to a half of a regular-sized cereal box for dessert. Now, I would get the same effect of miserable fullness with 2 grilled cheese sandwiches and something to drink. Plus I would be pooping like a son-of-a-gun 'caue of the amount of butter I used to like to use. But here's the part where the surgery is not just a quick fix, I could STILL consume 4 grilled cheese sandwiches if I took it slowly and nibbled at it awhile. So I STILL have to discipline myself to make a meal, sit down, eat it, and WALK AWAY! NO SNACKING!!! because it's amazing how many calories one can consume without realizing it just by having something at hand to nibble on. Especially if it's something easily digested like crackers or chips. Everything I learned before surgery is true. You have to stay away from high calorie liquids, chips, and snacking. So that's what I mean about it not being a quick fix 'cause I still have to be ever-mindful of what I'm putting into my mouth. But you know what I've learned? So does most of the population (I know, I know there are a few freaks out there that can eat anything and everything and LOSE weight; complain that they have to "struggle to keep the weight on" *whatever* as I roll my eyes into my head) but for most people, especially after a certain age, we all have to watch what we eat. I used to feel that it was just me because I had the curse of the obesity gene, but for the first time in my life I feel NORMAL. Which gets me back to my list that I started earlier about THE CHANGES THAT WEIGHT LOSS HAS BROUGHT ABOUT: 7). To feel NORMAL! Going into the decision to have WLS, my goal wasn't to walk into a room and knock everyone out with my gorgeous body because I'm realistic, I know that would never happen. My goal was to walk into a room and blend in, not to knock everyone out with how large I was. It still shocks me when I enter a room now and I am not the largest person there! That feeling is amazing! 8). This one is bitter-sweet...to be treated better by people in general, plus no fat jokes. It's bittersweet because I AM THE SAME @#&*)+&* PERSON I ALWAYS WAS and it irks me to no end that people have to judge you by outer appearnces. Inside my head, while I'm interacting with people, there's this little voice that's asking, "Why the heck weren't you this cordial 130 lbs. ago, or would you have been this nice had you knew me when?" I know that's mean-spirited or maybe even delusional, but that's what it feels like. Which, while I'm on the subject, allow me to get on my soap box about something...I hate reading profiles or before and after pics where people talk about their former selves in a poor manner. That is the SAME thing that thin people do to us. You were JUST as beautiful then as you are now unless you are so vain that you only put stock into your appearance. Sorry that seems harsh, but that's how strongly I feel about all those "Yuck! I can't believe I used to look like that!" comments. 9). To be able to cross my legs, under a table even! 10). To fit into any chair comfortably even with arm rests. Any booth too. I can even sit on that blasted wicker without fear of shredding it (I don't think I will ever get thin enough not to hate wicker though once a fat girl, always a fat girl). 
Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com AIU University   Hospital Reviews Product Reviews Surgeon Info: Surgeon: Manuel E. Castro My first impression of Dr. Castro was that he seemed very shy, somewhat reserved, but with a kind smile. Over time his kindness and caring proved genuine. He was also quite patient with me because I had several questions (a notebook full in fact) and he sat for a LONG time answering each question. His office staff were knowledgeable and helpful as well. There really isn't much I can say that I didn't like, but if I just had to mention one thing that concerned me is that between his partner and himself, they have only performed a little under 400 Roux en Y's and have only been performing them for about 2 years. But I can't complain about the results because to date there have been no deaths and only 5 leaks. And in my case, there were no complications and very little pain. Aftercare is encouraged. Support meetings are held monthly and fashion shows are held annually. They also have a web-site for those of us who are out-of-towners. The risks of surgery were discussed in great detail, they were quite thourough and honest. Insurer Info: Wadley Health System Employee Health Plan, Web TPA Web-TPA insurance is offered at my worplace and my job has opted to save money and made all WLS an exclusion, co-morbidities or not. :( so I have purchased private "self-pay" insurance (PCHS) meaning that I still have to pay out-of-pocket, but at a drastically reduced rate. 12/9/03 I have learned that my policy with PHCS does not cover the procedure either, (even though I was told it did) so it's back to the drawing boards. | |||
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