ObesityHelp

Hi Ya'll,
I'm Lori, a 43 y/o married woman, who is still madly and passionately in love with my bridegroom of 15 years. We are the 'parents' of his sister's daughter who is a lovely young woman who makes me proud enough to be her mamma. I'm a Physician's assistant and am working in Denton, TX. I'm not sure how much longer I'll be able to continue working. I'm fighting back and knee pain that limit my standing/walking time to about 7-10 minutes. At physical therapy, they just let me go after 3 months basically saying that without weight loss---this is as good as it gets. I'm terrified of ending up in a wheel chair, a burden to my spouse and neice. I've severe obstructive sleep apnea, asthma, peripheral edema, and hypertension. I've dieted myself to 409 lbs. To my credit, I've been working out for over a year at least 3 times a week, often more. Still I see my physical mobility deteriorate. The worst is seeing the exhaustion and fear in my husband's eyes. I know he loves me dearly, but I often wonder why? 4/7/02 Whew I was really feeling down when I wrote my profile. All of the circumstances are the same but I don't feel quite so pitiful about them today. I'm still working, I think. I had to take a week off for medical testing, sleep study part II with the CPAP- talk about an elephant's nose inhaling air at gale force winds..lol hopefully in will help because my Dr. and therapist believe I'm having seizures probably related to sleep deprivation from years of sleep apnea. On my first sleep study, I woke up every 85th second and hand 0% REM sleep; no wonder I'm so goofy all the time. Because of these so called seizures I've had an MRI of the brain with and without contrast supposedly normal...I guessed I fooled those scanners!!!lol I still need to schedule a 24 hour holter monitor this next week. I know I've been thouroughly checked out, that's for sure. I've had my psychiatrist write a letter to the surgeon and discussed with my therapist have her write a letter. I'm a little concerned about that because she is always saying I'm not ready for surgery yet because I don't have my food under better control -- how do I expect to get it under control afterwards if I can't right now. I argue back that this is the crux of the problem and why I weigh 409 lbs. I keep trying to change eating behavoirs closer to the way I'll be eating after surgery but it's not totally possible to do with a normal to extra large stomach that gives no satiety. I believe my therapist has my best interest at heart it's just the methodology that differs somewhat. Oh well.