- HEALTH TRACKER
Fultondale, AL, USA
Post Op - BMI: 30.1
Surgery Type: RNY
Member ID: M1085456460
Surgeon: Bryan Freeman
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I've only told one close friend and my father that I plan on having surgery...that's it. There are probably several reasons for this. One is that I still have this fear of failure...so, I don't even want to let my friends and family know I'm trying something else. Another reason is my desire to do this on my own terms...to make this decision for me and me alone without any input from any Negative Nelly full of horror stories. I need to own this problem, and I have the power now to fix it, and I want to do it my way. I realize many people will think I'm selfish for not telling them up front, but I can honestly say that most of my family and friends have disappointed me when I've told them about my weight struggles before...Why put myself in that situation again? I think it's a personal decision, and I think you need to do what's right for you.
I imagine I will eventually tell people why I'm losing weight, but the evil part of me wants to look at them and say, "Well, I finally followed your advice...I just finally started backing away from the table!" I won't be so mean, though...I just talk big. :)
I was told today that I am a "lightweight." That's a term people use to describe someone not 100 plus pounds overweight (I think.) :) Lightweight? That cracks me up! But, yes, people don't have any idea how much I weigh because I am nearly 6 feet tall. I started gaining weight about 10 years ago after taking fertility medication for a few years (which never worked), and every time I try to lose it, I lose only about 25 pounds then gain it back. I also broke my foot about 6 years ago, and have never been as active after that. So, I doubt people understand how truly miserable I've been for the last few years. I feel very out of control, and that's exactly what I've told several different doctors over the years. I'm just ready to end this battle for good. It drives me crazy, and it seems I feel worse and worse as a result of it. And that's so not me...I have lots of things I want to do, I love to travel, I love to play...so I need my life back.I hate to feel bad. I've never been a sickly or wimpy person, so being overweight is not for me!
Dr. Freeman's office called today to tell me that my insurance company wants a letter of medical necessity from my primary care physician in order to approve wls. We think this is all they need in order to approve me. Well, that would be fine except, back in March when I last saw my PCP, I asked her what she thought about wls and she was not real enthusiastic about the idea. She told me to (you know what I'm going to say, don't you?) eat less and exercise more. She said she thought I could lose the weight myself, and I didn't want to argue with her, so I just went about my life and found Dr. Freeman on my own. So now, how can I get her to write this letter for me??? I'm not even sure where to begin...I'm really nervous to be so close to this working out, so I don't want to do anything to mess it up! Strangely enough, she is good friends with my psychologist (who thinks I should have the surgery) and I am seeing my psychologist in the morning, so I thought I might ask her for advice, too. Maybe she could get her to write the letter...I am so tired of jumping through hoops. I just want to get on with it!
I am very excited in so many ways, though. This really might happen. OMG! I am so ready to end this madness!
I talked to Sarah today at Dr. Freeman's (I love her, by the way),and we went ahead and scheduled my surgery! August 20th is the big day. Still not sure if insurance will pay, but I'm doing it either way and I needed that date so I could get it done between semesters.
I see my PCP tomorrow to try and convince her to write a letter for me. I keep thinking this really cannot be happening...I'm so exicted!
What a week! I saw my PCP, and she agreed to write the letter for me as long as I understood the risks involved with WLS. I assured her I did know them. I think the fact that my blood pressure was up and I had gained 10 pounds in 3 months helped convince her to do it. So, another step in the right direction.
I received my "owner's manual" from Dr. Freeman's office, and have been pouring over it like I was studying for an exam or something. I've even already bought vitamins and calcium and protein drinks and bars for after surgery. I'm testing protein drinks to see which ones I like, and so far I like NONE of them!
I have done ZERO studying this week. I think I'm too hyped up, but I need to get over it because I've got major things due in the next few weeks and a trip for work coming up, so I might as well get it all done. Waiting until August 20th for surgery is the going to be tough for me!
Another step to mention: We've figured out how to pay for this if insurance won't, and it's not going to be that difficult. We are using a low interest loan and some savings, so it should work out fine. I really feel like God is making this possible. It's really going to happen!
I had finally decided to tell a few of my friends about my upcoming surgery, but now I am reconsidering.
One friend seemed very supportive when I told her, but then told another friend she thought I was "crazy" to do this, and that I will be sick the rest of my life and that this surgery will not make me feel better about myself.
Isn't that nice?
Another friend I told, went on and on about how ridiculous the very idea was, and started telling me about different diets their co-workers had tried...
I am so thankful for you all here on this board. Thank you for being the one place I can come to "talk" about this.
You are a great group of friends.
I do think I am doing the right thing. It's just that as the time gets closer, I get more nervous, and I don't want these people to get me down. I think I'll just keep my mouth shut until after it's over. When they ask me how I lost so much weight, I'll look at them like they're crazy.
The same look they give me now!
Why do I try to include people in my decisions? I am being needy for no reason...
OH MY GOODNESS! I just found out I've been approved!!!!! So, that's $15,000 I can spend on clothes now rather than surgery! YIPPEEEEEE!!! I am so excited. Sarah from the doctor's office just called to tell me because she knew I was starting to get worried.
Also, Ellie offered to be my angel. She's so sweet, and just found out she got approved the other day, so I'm going to be her angel, too! We both use Dr. Freeman and my surgery is 10 days before her's. She's afraid I won't feel like checking on her, but I think I'm going to be so happy I might just float to Anniston that day!!!!! And I assured her if anything goes wrong,there are plenty of others who can be a back-up angel!
I know am I am so blessed...God led me to Dr. Freeman and to this website and to all of you. He truly has a hand in what will be a FABULOUS new life for me...and for the rest of us losers!
Thanks you so much for your prayers and encouragement.
I'm so happy, can hardly stand myself!!!
I want a sexy bra!!!!! I currently own three bras that actually fit,and I refuse to buy another one until after surgery. Last week I dreamed I was thin and walking around the house in a leopard print bra and panties thinking I was so hot. Isn't that funny!!!?!?!?!? Maybe it will come true one day!
Look out...I'm about to whine for a few minutes. What do you expect me to do at 4:30 in the morning? :)
I had the WORST day yesterday. My day was just wrecked because my boss was in town and he just upset me so bad...I won't go too far into it, but I get rave reviews from him when it comes time for performance appraisals, etc, but when he comes to visit, he always traps me into these conversations where he tells me I'm just not passionate enough about my job and that he doesn't think I really want to be there...I just don't understand what he wants from me...and he really cannot tell me...but in the course of all of this he tells me that some of my employees are not happy with me and that he's disappointed in me, etc, etc...yet he keeps giving me raises and singing my praises in front of my peers. I got very emotional with him which I should not have done. (I think I'm just in overdrive anyway.)
And all I wanted to do was come home, but I had to leave work early to go to this tile place because every bit of the tile in the whole house has to be replaced (another long story), and it will take a week to do it once they start...and will be a mess...and they want to do it the 2nd week I am home from surgery (so much for peace and quiet). Then, it took me over an hour to drive home because of traffic, and I just had this big ole pity party the whole way home! :) I cried and cried...mainly because I don't think I defended myself at all...but he says I'm defensive when he talks to me, so I never know what to do. I am so tired of feeling like a loser.
So, I decided to go to bed early and try to sleep all this off, but I woke up at 3:00 with the cramps. Yes, I started...a week and a half early. GEEZ!
My life is so crazy right now. I wonder why I've decided to have surgery NOW? It's so inconvenient really... I have so much going on. But, I cannot put it off...and I'm very excited about it... I'm just so overwhelmed...I think I'm freaking out! Yes, that's it...I'm freaking out!
Maybe part of this is because the end of the semester is the week prior to my surgery, so I have a million things due, and then I have a major paper due Sept 7th that I have not even started. I think I am going to do that while I am recovering. See, I have all these grand plans for when I should really be resting...
I was supposed to do my sleep study tonight at the hospital in Anniston, but this afternoon I finally read the pre-study intructions (I know),
and I they said, "pre-admission is required," and that someone would be calling me three days prior to surgery to do that...Well, that never happened, and now it's Sunday and I cannot be pre-admitted.
So, I didn't want to drive all the way to Anniston to be told I cannot participate in the slumber paty.
So, here I am... Secretly, I'm kinda glad it didn't work out tonight. It's not required that I do it before surgery...just wanted to get it over with. But instead, I will study and watch Six Feet Under.
You do realize I am only 2 weeks and 5 days away, right????
Oh, and in case you thought you have the best angel...My angel, Ellie, stopped by to see me at work yesterday (the first time we have met in person) because she said I sounded like I needed a hug in my earlier email! How sweet is that?!?!?!? Her halo is gonna be so big she won't fit in the hospital room! Thank you, Ellie!
Still trying to find a protein shake that I like...
I've decided I like the Nectar Fuzzy Navel with 4-5 ounces of Sunrise Crystal Light and ice all in the blender...
This morning I had a Proplete choc peanut butter (just mixed with 5 ounces water and ice in the blender) and it was delicious, but about 2 hours later, I felt like CRAP. I was dizzy and light-headed, had a horrible headache (very sensitive to light),and I was shaking all over...kind of like you feel if you take a diet pill (not that I would know) But anyway, I had to eat some crackers and take a couple of aspirin. So, I'm not sure what that was about.
I have liked all of the Nectar and most of the Proplete Gold. But, I have to mix mine with ice in the blender and pretend it's a smoothie. Now I am working on sipping them slowly...that's the hard part for me. I don't like for them to get the least bit warm.
I talked to K earlier and she is doing very well. She sounded a little groggy, and said that she does not like Morphine (I told her to bring it on home to me, and I'll try it...it might calm me down a little).
She is going to do some walking tonight, and will have her leak test and the famous popsicle in the morning.
Rhonda will be having surgery there tomorrow, so I'm sure they will have the nurses running wild by tomorrow night!
A - Age: 40
B - Band listening to right now: Just listening to my dog snore and the fan blow
C - Future Career: attorney
D - Dad's name: Bill
E - Easiest person to talk to: Bobbie Jo
F - Favorite song: Live Like You Were Dyin' by Tim McGraw
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: I like Sour Patch Kids!
H - Hometown: Birmingham
I - Instruments you can play: Clarinet, some piano
J - Job: Store Manager/ Restoration Hardware and grad student at Birmingham-Southern
K - Kids: HELL NO
L - Longest car ride ever: from B'ham to Marco Island, FL with my family when I was about 20...in a van with a wobbly seat. I threw up 21 times. (My dad let me fly back!)
M - Mom's name: Charlotte Ann
N - Number of siblings you have: 1 sister, 2 half bothers, 2 stepsisters
P - Phobia: I'm scared of 3 three things, but I can only tell you one for fear I might offend someone...birds
Q - Quote: Luck favors the prepared mind.
R - Reason to smile: Daisy, Cowboy, Bobbie Jo, Parker and my Daddy
S - Song you sang last: Born to Fly (Sarah Evans) Sang it really loudly on the way home tonight with the windows rolled down and the sunroof open
T - Time you wake up: too early
U - Unknown fact about you: I speak Spanish fluently
V - Vegetable you hate: I can't think of one...
W - Worst habit: It's a tie between procastinating my assignments for school and speaking before thinking
X - X-rays you've had: You name it
Y - Yummy food: MEXICAN
Z - Zodiac sign: I am the biggest Sagittarian there is...hence the speaking before thinking.
Ellie (my angel) and I went to RMC in Anniston to see Kjb and Rhonda Randolph today. K had surgery on Tuesday and Rhonda had her's yesterday. They are both just as cute as can be! And they are both doing well. K was getting ready to go home, and walking all over the place. Rhonda was just back from her leak test and eating her popsicle. It was great to meet them in person, and I assured them you all are thinking of them! It was also great to get a glimpse of the place...check it out before I am admitted. (Which, by the way, in case you have forgotten to mark it on your calendar will be in just 14 and a half days! August 20th!)
I went after work today to get some slippers for the hospital. :) I'm not much of a slipper fan, but these are too cute...pink and fuzzy...open toe...kind of like mules...made by Easy Spirit. It's funny how little it takes to make me happy! I also bought a dress for a function I have to attend on my trip this week to Scottsdale. I really didn't want to buy anything since I am about to drop lots of weight, but I have to have something to wear. :) I am leaving Thursday on the trip, and coming back on Sunday. We have no email access when we are there, so I will miss the board! I'm truly addicted to the site...not sure how I found it other than I was led there for a reason. :)
I love Scottsdale, but we get very little free time, and I'm not really in the mood for the company hoopla...guess I'm just not passionate enough. :) I'm glad to be going because it will take my mind off the surgery at least. I'm not really scared, just ready to be done with it.
I won't go into how I got to this point, but I ended up telling my mom about my upcoming surgery this afternoon on the phone. Her reaction was different than I thought it would be. She wasn't exactly positive, but not nearly as negative as I thought she would be. The first time I even mentioned I was thinking about it to her, she acted like I was crazy, so I've kept it from her...not wanting to hear her opinion. It's been hard for me not to tell her only because I think she would benefit tremendously from the surgery herself. She is very overweight now and miserable. Her health is quickly declining because of her weight, and she doesn't even enjoy the fact that she got to retire early and now has grandchildren. She doesn't feel like doing anything. Watching this happen to her has made me all the more determined to get the weight off now. But, I can't even tell her all of what I just said. We don't talk about real stuff. It's a strained relationship. But, now she knows and I don't have to worry about telling her any longer.
I'm a bit emotional these days...unable to concentrate (which is not good for a grad student in the middle of finals). I'm not nervous, just a bit on edge. Nothing a little more Buspar won't fix! I wish I didn't have to go on this trip for work. But maybe it will calm me down. I got my hair cut today, and told a couple of people at the salon about the surgery. They were very supportive and excited for me. I also found a cute very short haircut I want when I am thin. I miss being able to wear my hair short...
Back to studying...or not.
I'm back safe and sound from beautiful Scottsdale, Arizona...and now I have only a few more days to wait. My surgery is Friday. I begin my time off from work tomorrow, and have plenty to keep me busy since I have my PAT on Wednesday and my last final of the semester Wednesday night.
I'm not nervous really...just very pre-occupied. For example, I tried to write with a tampon today, and then I left my keys in the front door of work when I got there this morning and spent hours looking for them....you know, that kind of thing. It's good I will have a few days off because I cannot concentrate on anything at work.
Pray that I will remain calm and at peace about this decision. Pray that all naysayers will leave me be this week, and that I can make it through the liquid diet phase, and that Friday gets here really soon! Also, please pray for my sweet little Barbara, who will be with me through all of this. (I think she's freaking out a little...seems nervous, but strong for me...I don't want her to worry.) She's my hero!
You all are the greatest. I missed you while I was away.
I just posted a message about how I have kept from being nervous, so I thought I should cut and paste it here for future pre-ops to read. Hope it helps!
My surgery is this Friday, and there are a few ways I have avoided being really nervous:
1) I've been really busy...so think of some project and get started on it.
2) Hanging out on this board. The more I read about other people and their experiences, the better I feel...I've read both good and bad, but it's great to be informed...the unknown is what really freaks us out.
3) PRAY...I have just handed this over to God since there's not much I can really do about the outcome. I feel He led me here, so I know He will see me through if I get out of the way and let Him. I saw a little sign the other day that said, "This is God. I will be handling all of your problems today. I DO NOT need your help." :)
4) Making friends here has helped me have someone to confide in, someone to tell when I am scared or when I think I'm coming apart...these people get what you are going through, so don't be a stranger. They also pray for me, and write me sweet notes and encouraging words...not a bad deal!
Well, pre-ops were fine. You first go to this office in the physician's building and they do an EKG, blood work and a chest x-ray. The CRNA talks to you about your history, the anesthesia, and gets you to sign several forms. They give you all the "Rules" for two days before surgery and tell you what time to be at the hospital. It was very efficient and the people were quite friendly. My appointment was at 10:15 and I was done by 11:15. Then, my appointment at Dr. Freeman's office was at 1:30, so we had a couple of hours to kill. Most people go eat during this time since you have not had drink or food since the night before, but I had already started my liquid diet and didn't want to go eat. :) So, we walked around the mall.
When I got to Dr. Freeman's, Ellie (my sweet angel) had left me the most precious gift! It's a folk art angel called a "Fear Not," and I just LOVE it! She also left a sweet card and note. That made my day. I am taking the angel to the hospital with me. :)
Well it's finally here! My surgery is in the morning. According to my therapist, I am "remarkably" relaxed. I agree with her, and I think that is because I am so educated about this process, and truly believe God has given me this WONDERFUL opportunity. I am blown away by the amount of support I have received from complete strangers. I have received so many emails from Bama Board members and other obesityhelp.com members that I have been occupied reading those all day.
The liquid diet hasn't been as tough as I thought it would be. I got a little cranky on it yesterday. I guess that's to be expected. And so far the only really bad thing has been that magnesium citrate! OMG...it's awful (the taste of it), but the results are quick and painless I'm happy to report! :)
So, the next time you "see" me I will be a loser! And I am humbled and honored to be in this group of losers! Thank you for your support and friendship. I will carry it with me through the next few days and the rest of my journey!
For now I am copying a post that I just did to let everyone know I am home, but I will go back soon and re-tell the adventure because I don't want to forget it, and I hope it can help someone else some day. I'm headed back to bed!
Well....after much deliberation, I was allowed to come home today (Wednesday). I am fine...just sore and groggy. I go back to Anniston on Friday to have my drains and staples removed, and am hoping life will be more like normal then. I (and the doctors) are still not real sure what happened, but as far as the gastric-bypass surgery goes, I am recovering quite nicely and have had very few problems. There was just a problem with my blood oxygen levels post-surgery that had everyone in a tizzy for a few days. FINALLY I am 95-98 percent saturated without being on oxygen, so I was set free!
I do not think I could have stayed in that hospital one more night. I was about to come unglued to say the least. I could not have done it all without the help of my sweet Bobbie Jo. Believe me, she was a trooper! She stayed with me all six days with no clean clothes and nothing to do but watch me sleep, walk me up and down the hall, take me to the bathroom, feed me purple popsicles, talk on the phone to all my friends and family, and help me shower one morning at 5am! (She actually put on her sports bra and running shorts and climbed in the shower with me, my IV, my oxygen tank and all my grossness.) I will never love anyone more than I do her. :) I only hope I can re-pay her one day!
Thanks also to my angel from obesityhelp.com, Ellie, who came to check on me, brought me Propel, posted on the board for me, and generally made me smile. I am so sorry to have put you through such an ordeal just a week before your own surgery! Also, it was great to know who all had called and talked to Barbara, left me emails, left messages, etc. I truly felt surrounded by God's love and such an inspiring level of support and friendship...and I know that's what saw me through.
I'm happy to be back to my baby doggies (who are pretending to be mad at me, really) and back in my own bed with my own junk mail and my own quiet neighbors.
Thank you for your prayers and well wishes. I hope to feel more like posting in the next few days or so. For now, I am sipping, walking and sleeping!
At about 5:00 this morning I thought..."I'm not keeeping these drains in another day,"
so I called my doctor's office and asked what time they would be in. They said, "8:00," so I called the office at 8:01 to beg for mercy, and they told me to come on in! So, back to Anniston we went, and OUT came the drains and staples!!!!
I am a NEW WOMAN!
I cannot even explain to you how much better I feel now! I'm sure you many of you know what I mean!
Then we went to Waffle House for my first meal. I wish you could have seen the waitress' face when I ordered "1 egg scrambled with cheese, 1 piece of bacon extra crispy and burned toast and nothing to drink." I ate the entire egg, three bites of bacon and two bites of toast, and was FULL AS A TICK! I got out of the Waffle House for $4.52...must be a record for me!
Then since I have to stop and walk around on the way home, we did a little shopping, and got the new Tim McGraw CD with my theme song "Live Like You Were Dyin," and an Olive Oyl t-shirt that says "Get in Line!" and oh, I got some fuzzy little purple flip flops! Then I came home to my big comfy bed for a long nap!
My biggest problem now is my contact is sticking to my eye driving me nuts and greatly affecting my typing. I know that sounds strange, but ever since I got home from the hospital, and have had the contact issue, I have been unable to type! Kind of like how my granddaddy could not hear without his glasses on!
LIFE IS GOOD!
For starters...I don't own any scales, and I'm not sure what to do about that. I originally thought I would buy some at work, but then I decided I might get obsessed with them, so I don't know...But, I think I would feel better if I knew how much I was losing. I just don't want to freak out every time I get on there. I could just weigh at work, but I hate to even think about it when I'm there. So, I don't know how much I have lost, and everyone leeps asking. YIKES! When I got my drains out I had only lost 3 pounds, but I was on IV fluids for 6 days, so I guess that's why it wasn't a huge loss.
Food wise I am doing great...I have been able to eat every little thing I have tried. I am not hungry at all. The only way I know to eat is by the time. Is that common? I did get a headache yesterday because I skipped lunch, so I had to grab Taco Bell real quick. It's my fave because it actually has some flavor. I did eat tuna one day and nearly got sick from it...I dreamed about it all night, and I won't be eating it again. :O I have had eggs, bacon, shrimp, lots of chicken salad, and cheese. Oh, and nuts...I love nuts, and crave salty stuff. The only thing I have truly missed is diet coke. I have eaten a couple of peanut butter crackers, too, when I've felt queasy, and that seemed to work fine. I have no problem getting the water in because I am thirsty all of the time. I wonder if I should even try to drink more, though, because I am having problems with my contacts staying wet enough. I may just have to be a 4 eyes for a while. That's OK...a skinny 4 eyes at least!
Emotionally, I am kind of wierd...I never realized how much I depended on food for all things. Like I said, I am not hungry, but find myself wanting to eat when I am worried, tired or bored. So, I am trying to come up with things to do. That shouldn't be a problem once school starts back, and it really shouldn't be a problem now since I have a huge paper due at the end of this week that was originally due August 15th. I got an extension because of my surgery, but still haven't started...I've known about this paper for exactly a year. Why do I try to sabotage myself????? (I'll save that question for my therapist visit on Thursday.)
I walked last night...just once around the big circle, but that's pretty far for me, and I hope to keep it up. Barbara gave me an iPod and we have downloaded tons of music to it so I can walk and rock at the same time! :) I just wish it weren't so damn hot!
Let's see...what else...Oh, work...I go back on Tuesday the 7th, and then classes start Wednesday the 8th. I also have the LSAT (law school entrance exam) coming up on October 2nd. I had already signed up for a very pricey prep course the weekend prior, and then found out the Bama Board bash is that weekend, so I may miss it. I hate that because these people have meant so much to me, and I want to "SEE" them and give them each a hug!
I do believe this is the best thing that ever happened to me, so don't think I'm having 2nd thoughts...I just wasn't prepared emotionally I think. Sounds so silly to say you miss "eating" when you are not even hungry. I think I will be over that pretty soon, though! Especially when I see the weight coming off. And I cannot wait to go shopping! I want some cute clothes! I already took some clothes to consingment today, and plan on bringing lots more as they get too big. I'll use the money I make to buy new ones!
Well, I bought scales yesterday. It's funny to me how many different opinions there are on whether one should own scales. I just decided this will be the only time I get to see the weight go down and down, so I might as well enjoy it. :)
I have lost 13.5 pounds in 11 days. I think that's pretty good! Especially since I haven't even been hungry! I have decided that starting this Friday I will weigh every Friday, and record my weight. I decided on Friday as the day because my surgery was on a Friday. So, there you have it...the first official weight loss report...so quit asking. ;)
I went to Anniston to see Ellie yesterday, and she is doing well. On the drive up I was thinking about how I JUST got out of the hospital, and it really seems so long ago that I was there...almost like all of the "bad" memories are fading. It's amazing to me how easy this has been. I guess everyone is different, but I have been so fortunate. I actually got in about 60 grams of protein and 70 ounces of water yesterday, and that was with me in the car a good part of the day. So, it's nice to know it's possible. I was VERY tired when I got home, though...my back was killing me. And I was about to die to get out of that bra! It's a little too big now, but seems to hit right where one of my incision sites is. I can't wait to lose the boobs! I'm so sick of them being in the way all the time!
On a happier note...
I weighed today! My first official Friday weigh-in, and I have lost 20 pounds. That seems so unreal to me. I can tell around my face and neck, though. I'm so excited! And I swear, I already feel better with 20 pounds off. I should be floating in no time!
OK...you know how I said I was only going to weigh on Fridays? And how as of last Friday I had lost 20 pounds in just 2 weeks? Well, this morning (Yes, I know it's not Friday) I stepped on the scales for a look, and they are in the exact same place they were last Friday! I'm so upset! How can I have gone a whole week without losing????? I know about plateaus, but tomorrow will only be 3 weeks. Is it possible to already be on a plateau? What fun is that????? WHAT AM I DOING WRONG? I am so careful to eat my protein (I don't always get enough in, but I am not hungry, and I don't eat anything other than protein right now), and I drink about 65-70 ounces of water (Propel and the occasion unsweetened tea) a day. I have been walking some, but not every day. Could it be that I have gone through all of this to only lose 20 pounds????? Now I have to go to work and worry about this all night. Tomorrow morning is my official weigh-in, so I'll let you know if it changes. For now, I am a BASKET CASE!
HERE I AM!!!! Thanks for noticing my absence. :) It isn't intentional...just my crazy life...I haven't been on here in a while for a few reasons:
1) No power for a day makes me very far behind...(I did survive Ivan, though.)
2) Work is insane...everyone wants new stuff for their house that survived the storm.
3) School started back. uuuugggghhhh
4) I haven't felt well over the last week or so...I had a BAAAAAD experience with some cheese about a week ago, then another run in with some roast beef on Thursday, and today I had to leave work because I could not quit vomiting. I am feeling fine right now, and have decided that I might just stick to a strict diet of peanut butter crackers and the occasional hot and sour soup since that's the only thing that seems to agree with me. I guess that wouldn't be such a bad life. :)
5) My precious dog, Cowboy is sick...I have got to get him to the vet tomorrow since he seems to be feeling like I felt this morning.
6) And I've been on the depressed side because a friend of mine died last weekend. His name was Michael...He had cancer, but we thought he was doing so well...a big shock. He was 33. Makes you realize how precious time really is.
I'm still holding at the same weight from week 2 (-20) and today is one month since my surgery, so I'm a little frustrated about that, but was encouraged when I did measurements last night...I just can't imagine when all of this weight is going to come off! I'm so impatient.
Plus, Janet the cheerleader has convinced me not to worry about it. :)
I hate I have to miss the Bama Bash! So please take pictures for me!!!! Who all is coming to Dr. Freeman's ball? I will be there, and can't wait to meet everyone!
WOW! Almost a month since I updated. It's hard to find the time to do this although I think about it often. I miss being on the board as much as I used to be, but work and school are very hectic now, and I discovered that spending time on the board was making me a little obsessive about my weight loss. I was comparing myself to everyone else who had surgery around the same time as me, and trying to decide how much weight I should lose depending on how much everyone else had lost. Well, it doesn't really work that way I guess. As I have been told many times, everyone is different. And I guess I am going to be a slow loser. At times I am OK with that...other times it's very frustrating. Dr. Freeman seemed pleased with my results at my one month visit, and said I was doing fine. My cholesterol is down over 75 points, and my blood pressure was also down. So, I know that in so many ways I am so much healthier. (Secretly, I really just want to be skinny, though!...Just Kidding.) I've lost a little over 30 pounds, and I'm starting to really notice it in my face and legs. I'm so tall that it takes a lot of weight for anyone else to notice a difference. I don't get sick as often now, and I am more careful about what I eat. I've figured out when to stop, and that's the biggest help. It's still very strange to me how I can eat something one day, and not be able to tolerate it a few days later. There are days I want to eat all day, and days I hardly eat at all. I do know that I lose more if I get in more protein...I've proven that one again and again. And the week of my period I lose NOTHING! That's very frustrating, but the week following I usually drop several pounds.
My clothes are the biggest issue right now...everything is way too big. I have taken lots of things to a consignment shop, and I have bought a few things, but even the things I bought just a few weeks ago are already too big. I'm not sure what I will wear to work over the next few months, but I hate to buy things that I'm only going to wear a few times.
Dr. Freeman's Bariatric Ball was so nice, and I had a great time. It was great to meet people, and to see everyone's results firsthand. I have some really good pictures from the night, too. I'm looking forward to next year's already!
I've had a few people approach me as though they are interested in the surgery, and I always tell them that for me, this has been a good experience. I've been so fortunate and so blessed. I consider it a very easy process all in all when I look at the results. But, I have to remind myself of the risks involved, and not everyone is willing to face those. I sometimes forget how serious of a surgery this really was. I hope I can help people make an informed decision about it, but it's almost as if my situation has been too easy...I would hate to jinx myself. :)
I'll write more later when I do measurements this month! I hope to post new pics soon. My friend, Slade, designed this page for me. Isn't it the coolest ever?????? If you are interested in him helping you set up a page template, email me, and I will hook you up with him.
I wonder if I'm the only one who has had menstrual problems post-surgery. I have had two periods since surgery, and both have been very heavy with intense cramps and headaches. I've been miserable the last few days. I go to the GYN next week, so I am going to ask to get back on the pill, and see if that helps.
On top of feeling like crap, I've been anxious and worried about my weight loss...I'm still just a little over 30 pounds down, and it seems everyone else who had surgery around the same time is much further ahead of me. I really should stop comparing myself to others, but it's not that easy when I am on the boards, and in so many ways, I get support and valuable information from reading the posts. Dr. Freeman says that because I only have 85 pounds to lose, it will be a slow process. And I guess I should consider 30 pounds in 2 months better than anything else I could have done on my own.
I measured Wednesday night, and I have lost 17.5 inches. That's just amazing to me. At the end of month one, I had only lost 6.5 inches, so at least I know something is happening! I guess I just want that instant gratification of the number on the scales going down. Hey, at least it isn't going up! :)
10/22/04 later in the day
Well, I got my LSAT score early...It came via email today, so after a not so fabulous day at work, I came home to that. And I am very sad to say I didn't do well at all. So, all of you out there who didn't believe me when I said I didn't think I did well...I was right. I'm so disappointed. I just didn't prepare enough for it, and now I'm not sure what to do. I guess I just thought I could do well because I usually test well...and who has time to prepare for that thing anyway?!?!?!?! I can take it again in January. Most schools average your score...
Do I even want to do this??? Do I really want to go to all this trouble when I have no idea what I'm trying to accomplish?!?!?!? Why can't I decide what I want to be when I grow up?!?!?! I'm so bummed now.
OK...I am asking you, my friends, to pray for me and the decision making I have in front of me. And next time I say I didn't do well on a test, please don't disregard me. I know I'm smart...that's not the issue...Just realize I'm smart enough to know I didn't do well on the test! So listen to me next time, and console me beforehand rather than after I am blown away by the low score.
Thanks for listening...I'm going to bed now.
I'm feeling better about the whole thing now. I guess I will take it again in January although it's hard to imagine sitting through that again. It was horrible. I would rather stick needles in my eyes. I made a 149 which was in the top 40 percent, so it could be worse...I could have been in the bottom 40 percent, I guess...I've always scored in the top 10 percent or so on standardized tests, so I was thinking this would be the same. I was so wrong!
Work is insane right now because we are setting up for holiday, so I've had very little time to dwell on it, and that's probably good given my predisposition to worrying about things I can do nothing about!
Otherwise I am doing very well. The weight keeps coming off, and I feel great. I've lost close to 40 pounds or so...every scale is different. My clothes are huge now, and I'm scared to spend too much money on new things because I will continue to lose for a while. I'm trying to post a picture of me and the dogs that Barbara took last week. Most of the weight has come off of my face, so maybe you can tell a difference once I get that picture on here! :)
I went to see my OB/GYN today, and he had great things to say! He told me he was so proud of me for being so brave, and having the surgery. He went on and on about what a good thing WLS is, and how impressed he was with my decision to do it! That was a welcome change of attitude...I've encountered many negative folks along the way, but I've discovered that most of them might be a little bit jealous...of my weight loss, of my better attitude, and of my courage. I left there today even more proud of myself. I needed that.
I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to post or read the boards like I love doing. I truly miss it! I'm doing well...down 45 pounds now, and feeling good! For some reason Dr. Freeman wants me to get a CT Scan of the chest...related to my lung problems in the hospital. So, I'm a little worried about that. I just saw him Oct. 12th, and he thought the chest xray I had that day looked good, so I was surprised to get a call from Sue asking me to set up a CT Scan. I am going to have it done Tuesday, and then attend support group for the first time. I'm so glad I'll finally get to go to the meeting!
I'm feeling fine, though...all of my clothes are too big, but that's an OK problem to have for now. People are beginning to notice the weight loss, so I've had lots of comments on it...I'm not really that good at handling comments about my body. I'm going to have to work on that! Work is crazy. It seems Christmas is upon us with no warning! I'm hoping to get to spend more time on here after the holidays.
Thanksgiving is very special to me because it's the day my family celebrates my birthday. (My b'day is the 26th and usually right around Turkey Day!) I am the oldest child...first grandchild, first niece...so I'm special (translation : spoiled!) and my b'day is the only one where EVERYONE is together for it. (They're really together for Thanksgiving, but for years I thought all the fuss was over my b'day!) My grandmother always makes my favorites on that day, and she doesn't know about my surgery so she will be wondering what's up with me when I walk in thinner and don't eat enough dressing to kill a horse! She also makes squash casserole for me that is SO GOOD! This is the first year she will not be in her home for Thanksgiving. We moved her into Assisted Living this summer, and we haven't really talked about where we are having Thanksgiving or if she will come over and cook...It makes me sad to think she's getting old...
I'm so thankful I have you here on this board as my friends!
Happy Thanksgiving to you all!
OK! Since you asked, I will tell you about the two cutest dogs in the world: Daisy and Cowboy. Daisy is a full bred Lhasa Apso and she rules the house, the yard, the neighborhood, the bed, the everything. In fact, I have her permission to be on the board right now because she has decided to take a nap. Otherwise I would be running around trying to anticipate her every need. Cowboy is a pug/something furry and white mix...his tongue won't fit in his mouth, so it is always sticking out...Anyway, I got him at the pound because I was mad at my husband (who is now an ex-husband), and thought I needed another pet to really tick him off...Cowboy is the sweetest dog in the world, and he has adjusted so well to Daisy ruling the world. If you would like to see their picture (and I know you would), it's at the bottom of my profile. They are my babies, and they cannot help the fact that their daddy is a jerk! We are much happier now that it's just us three! They sleep with me in my big king size bed and follow me everywhere I go around the house. Sometimes I call them from work, but they never pick up...they screen the calls, and I guess they are just too busy to answer...
Oh, and Cowboy can sing. I swear. He sings the theme to Sesame Street with me every now and then. Daisy runs and hides when we start singing. The fun never ends around here!
Well, this year I'm going to do my Hallmark tree...I have TONS of Hallmark Keepsake ornaments from the following themes:
Madame Alexander dolls (I collect MA dolls, too)
Peanuts (I LOVE SNOOPY!)
Snowmen of Mitford
The tree also has any other ornaments that relate to toys from my childhood...it has red bead garland, white lights, candy canes and a few ornaments I made as a child.
Some years I do a Mary Engelbreit tree...I collect all things from her and have lots of those ornaments...enough to do a whole tree in that and glass balls. By the way, my office at home is all decorated in Mary Engelbreit stuff and in toys like my Bullwinkle collection! It looks like a playroom for a 5 year old! But I love it!
And then there are snowmen...I love snowmen ornaments...I have enough to do a whole tree of that, but where would I put it????
And I also have the entire collection of plush characters from the movies: Rudolph, Frosty...the clay animation movies with the misfit toys! THEY ARE THE CUTEST! But where am I gonna put those?
I love Christmas. Can you tell? I just need a bigger house!
One year I am thinking of doing a tree with just these ornaments that are silver picture frames in different shapes (I have a hundred of them I bet, but I've never used them...I'm saving them for this idea!) with pictures of my parents, me and my siblings and nieces and nephews as children in black and white.
Then I will use white lights and maybe red bows... Just an idea I've had for a while now...
Last night was the Bama Board B'ham December Dinner! It was great fun! I loved meeting everyone, and making new friends from the board. What a FABULOUS group of people! I hope we can do it again soon! I took TONS of pictures, and here's the link to those: (Hope it works!)
I'm doing great these days...my weight hasn't changed much, but my clothes get bigger and bigger...not sure why, but it works for me. :) I am a little nervous about seeing everyone over the holidays...that's always been so stressful for me knowing my family is thinking I need to lose weight. Maybe they won't think that this year!
2003: Not sure how much I weighed here, but I like this one! It was taken by my dog, Daisy. Really, it was!
October 2004: Down 40 pounds! Cowboy is the white dog, Daisy is the prissy one!