ObesityHelp

4/22/02 I have been waiting on my new insurance (BCBS). I finally received my cards in the mail on Friday (4/19/02). I called and got an appointment with Dr. Dewitt for next Tuesday (4/30/02).

4/30/02 I met Dr. DeWitt today. He seems like a very caring and concerned doctor. His nurse Judy was also very nice. I had to wait what seemed like forever. (I actually think I dozed off). When I finally saw him he took his time to answer my 4 1/2 pages of questions I had. He was very direct and to the point about the risks involved with surgery (and without). I appreciated his honesty and I truly believe he is going to help me. I got a really good feeling from him as far as being competent and skilled in this surgery. He has done over 160 in the past 9 months. His nurse also said there will be an article about him in Woman's Day magazine (July 1) and an interview with one of his patients that has lost over 160 pounds. He will be sending a letter to my insurance company tomorrow so maybe I will hear something soon. I am hoping to have it done around the 27th of May if possible. He said he doesn't usually do surgery on Monday but he would "work with me".

5/13/02 Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms! I called my insurance company today and after sitting on my hands for 2 weeks they tell me they don't do Precertification under the BC/BS Federal program! I have to have the surgery first then they "review it". So I called Nurse Judy and she checked other Federal BCBS patients they have had and she said they had all been covered! So I now have a date of June 14! One month from tomorrow. She said to call her back the first week of June to set up another appointment with Dr. Dewitt and to do pre-admissions.

5/25/02 Today is my 6th wedding anniversary and I am feeling so sorry for myself! My husband and my 5 year old son got new motorcycles and they are out riding. I didn't know I was going to have to spend my wedding anniversary alone!

It seems like everyone I have told about me having surgery has horror stories to tell me. It's funny that everyone knows someone that has died from it. Why do people want to discourage me? My mom had surgery 17 years ago. Of course it didn't work. So my father is against it, my husband gives me no support. The only person who halfway supports me is my mother in law and thats because she is so vain! She is obsessed with looks. She has had a face lift, she weighs about 100 pounds. She can't stand that her son married a fat woman! She asked me what was I going to do with my clothes when I started losing weight and I told her a couple of people have already offered to buy them from me. She said "you mean they are that big?" Made me feel like the fattest person on the planet. Yes, there are actually people Bigger than me!!! Enough pity party. Now I am having 2nd thoughts due to everyone being so negative about it and thinking about dying. I have 2 sons to raise. I just pray to God to help me make the right decision. Do you think its wrong to mess with our bodies this way? I know its wrong for me to be overweight but now I am starting to feel like I haven't tried hard enough to control it. If anyone reads this please give me some advice or support!!!

6/4/02 Went for pre-admissions today. All they did was draw blood. I read about other people having to go through all these tests. Why was mine so easy? No sleep study, no psych exam... Saw Dr. Dewitt. He gave me a diet for the 4 days pre-op. All liquids! For 4 days! How will I function? My kids better stay out of my way! He didn't tell me much how to prepare except for the diet, no sugar, and to take calcium citrate at 4pm on the eve of surgery. No food or liquids after midnight. (including gum??) Also on the post-op diet he gave me it said no citrus fruit forever...WHY??? AM I READY FOR THIS??? All I think about, and I know it sounds stupid, is being able to tuck in my shirt!!! That is my goal, to tuck and look good! and to lose these hideous "love handles"! I can't understand what my husband sees in me! He tells me I'm sexy. (he recently got glasses). His ex-wife looks anorexic! I know, I am rambling. I believe I'm getting delirious. Can't think straight. I don't know how I'm gonna be next week, especially being on all liquids!
I guess that's enough for now. Will probably post during my mad hunger cravings during my all liquid diet next week. Chow!! (or is that ciao)? whatever, BYE

6/5/02 Well, Dr. Dewitt's office called this morning and moved me up to 6/13/02...next thursday!! Today I ate my last Chinese Buffet! I plan on eating all my favorites til sunday when I have to start all liquids for 4 days! Woo Hoo! only 8 more days! And by the way, just to get started on my stats, I am 5'6", and 276 pounds. My first goal will be 50 pounds, hopefully by September 13. Then I think I'll get a tattoo!!! Ha ha!!

6/9/02 4 MORE DAYS!!!! Today I had to start on all liquids. It's gonna be rough. I have a bridal tea to go to today and I'll be ok around the cake I just love the PUNCH! I am not supposed to have any sugar. I just had some cream of chicken soup and a crystal light for breakfast. yum-yum. I am getting so nervous now!!! I have this fear of being put to sleep and not waking up. I just know I will be fine though...

I will try to get my picture on here today or tomorrow. I have had a digital camera since Christmas and my husband has no clue how to use it. I have showed him a dozen times and his pics all turn out blurry. Ya'll please pray for me this week. I have been a bundle of nerves for the past week. I have scratched myself raw! When I get nervous I itch all over. My husband and I are in a band (to see us go to Midnightflyer.net, My hubby is the one with the blue guitar. I'm the girl, ha ha) and we play at a local club. I sang my heart out last night because I have this fear of never being able to do it again...my favorite song to do is "close my eyes forever" by Ozzy Osbourne & Lita Ford. Thats all I have thought about, closing my eyes and not waking up.

"Baby, I get so scared inside and I don't really understand, is it love that's on my mind or is it fantasy, Heaven is in the palm of my hand and it's waiting here for you, what am I supposed to do about a childhood tragedy. If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain unchanged? If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain the same. Sometimes I try to hold on, hold on to my dreams. It isn't always what it seems when your face to face with me. Well, like a dagger you stick me hard, and taste the blood from my blade, and when we sleep would you shelter me with your warm and dark embrace. If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain unchanged, If I close my eyes forever, would it all remain the same? Close your eyes, close your eyes, close your eyes, for me."

I know that sounds a little morbid but it has a meaning to me. If I close my eyes then wake up and nothing changes. What if this surgery doesn't work for me?? Heaven forbid! Going through something this drastic and it not working? Just had to express myself a little bit. THANKS FOR LISTENING!!!

6/10/02 This liquid diet thing is not easy. Watching my family eat while I slurp down sugar-free jello. Boy, that fried chicken and mashed potatos looked so good. Only 3 MORE DAYS!!!

6/12/02 Well, here I am, the day before I go to the other side. I have done better than I thought I would being on all liquids since Sunday. The worst part was last night when I went to a jewelry party and my friend had so many good snacks. I told her she could have at least gotten me some sugar-free jello! But I made it with my Diet Mt. Dew. I am not sure what I am feeling right now. I went to my mom's to tan this morning and while I was in the tanning bed (that's when I do most of my "thinking") I had this horrible thought! What if after I am put to sleep and they take me back to surgery I could feel everything they were doing??? OMG! How terrible would that be? I am sure it's not possible but just the thought of it. I have to take my magnesium citrate at 4 pm then all clear liquids after that. I still don't know what time my surgery is, they are supposed to call me around 1 pm today and let me know. I am sure I won't get a bit of sleep tonight. I have packed my bag, a nightgown, robe, slippers, avon lip dew (I'm an avonlady), lotion, underwear and stretchy pants to come home in. My cd player and some magazines. I guess that's about all I need, except for my toothbrush, hairbrush, and deoderant...(regular everyday stuff.) Am I forgetting anything? I usually forget something if I am going anywhere overnight. Well, I guess I will come back and update this afternoon after I find out what time my surgery is...BYE!

6/15/02 I came home from the hospital last night. What a horrible experience. They told me to be there at 9 am Thursday morning. They didn't come and get me until 12:00. My mom told me I was in surgery only 1 1/2 hours. I was put into a room (private) around 5 pm. The pain was almost unbearable. All the gas that they pump into you. I didn't want to straighten out my legs. My mom said I was wadded up into a ball. I don't remember much about that night. My mom said I screamed at the Dr. and kept punching my bed. LOL...I have never been a violent person. She said I was screaming "make the pain go away!" I finally made my husband go home around 2 am. He was a nervous wreck. When the night nurse came in, I just can't believe what she said to me. She told me she didn't "agree" with this surgery I had. That it was a "quick fix" and I needed to get off my butt and exercise! Can you believe that came from a nurse that was supposed to be there to help me??? I said have you ever thought some people have other disabilities that prevents them from exercising other than obesity? She didn't have much to say to that. But as soon as she left I just broke down and cried. She made me wait 5 hours before giving me pain medicine. I told Dr. Dewitt the next morning and he said he had given them orders to give it to me every 2 hours!!! Then another nurse came in and TRIPPED OVER MY IV CORD!!!! She nearly ripped it out of my arm!!! Needless to say, I was so ready to come home. I hope in a few weeks I can forget about this experience and just start becoming a LOSER! Oh, I have already lost 9 pounds since last Sunday. My Dr. had me on all liquids since Sunday and I weighed this morning and was down to 269 from 278! Yea!!! Well that is all for now. I need to get my measurements on here and my picture. I took a couple of pictures before we left for the hospital Thursday.

6/23/02 I am down 25 pounds!!!!! I can't believe how fast I am losing! I feel so thirsty though. I just can't get enough to drink. I am on a soft diet. Sugarfree pudding and jello, mashed potatos, cream soup. I mostly just eat jello and drink though. Just not hungry at all. I can't get in enough protein. I am sick to death of those nasty protein drinks. I have been eating some string cheese. It has 8 grams per stick. I have been having more energy the past 3 days. I felt so bad and tired all the time before.

7/15/02 I am down 28 pounds. I have been the same for 2 weeks. My scale is just not moving. I have been working out and swimming a lot but I still don't eat enough to count for anything. Hopefully it will pick up again soon.

9/19/02 Wow, it's true what everyone says. Once you start losing weight you don't want to sit in front of the computer anymore...I am down 60 pounds!!!! in just 13 weeks. I feel wonderful. I am never hungry, I have only been sick twice, off of cabbage and water, of all things. water makes me nauseous. I can drink the fruit 2/o but thats it...Down to 219 now!!! yipeeee

10/30/02 Down 71 pounds!!! 207 pounds

5/20/03 Wow it's been a while since I've been here. I received an email from someone asking how I am. I am down 118 pounds and I feel absolutely wonderful!