- HEALTH TRACKER
Lancaster, CA, USA
Post Op - BMI: 50.0
Surgery Type: RNY
Member ID: S1082481679
Surgeon: Kelly Francis, MD
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First, a bit about me. I am a 46 yr old woman who has been raising my wonderful 17yr old son by myself for the past 15yrs. I am assistant manager of a bank in Lancaster, CA.
I have been overweight most of my life. Can't remember weighing under 200lbs. I have lost weight numerous times, only to gain it back, plus more! You name the diet, I've tried it! I was diagnosed with diabetes 2 years ago. Initially, that scared the crap out of me, and I lost weight. But, as usual, back it came. This caused my diabetes to go out of control and I have suffered from "black outs", extreme lethargy, and visual problems. I also have hypertension, severe osteoarthritis, high cholestrol, high trigyclerides, etc. My quality of life was quickly going downhill. I push myself to last 8 hours a day at work, and that wipes me out for the rest of the day. My days off are spent recouperating from the previous days, and gearing up for the next days. There is no energy left for anything else. I come home from work and I'd be in so much pain I could hardly stand it.
Finally, in September of 2003 my doctor told me I was a walking time bomb. He suggested gastric bypass to me at that time to save my life. I remember being insulted at first, (never wanting to believe I was as heavy as I really am) but then realized he was right. My weight was killing me. This wasn't a life I was living. After a fight with the insurance co, and an emotional roller coaster, here I am with a surgery date of April 26th, 2004!
April 21, 2004
I received a call yesterday from Dr Francis' office. They need to postphone my surgery until April 28th. I was disappointed, but realize she was needed to help another patient on that day. This is my second delay, as originally I was scheduled for March 22, 2004, but that was cancelled 3 days prior as my triglycerides were too high, and I needed to go on meds. Thankfully, the meds brought my levels down, and I was able to reschedule for 4/26/04. Now it's 4/28/04. Oh well, such is life. I'll get here eventually! I never realized what an emotional roller coaster this whole process is. It seems like it's consumed my life ever since I've decided to have surgery. I will be so glad for the future when my poor health isn't the main topic of my life!
I have been emailing Rachel, who is having her surgery the day before mine. She has been a comfort to me, and it will be so nice to have support at the hospital. We'll be able to encourage each other. I'm looking forward to meeting her, as well as Louise, who will be there to visit us. They have both been so kind and supportive of me. Can't wait to meet both of them.
As my surgery date nears, my emotions have been all over the place. I am angry at myself one minute for letting myself get in this position with my health. I was warned for so many years if I didn't lose weight, my health would suffer. Boy, has it ever. I'm scared as I'm all my son has. He means the world to me, and I am so proud of him. He has been very supportive of me. Thankfully, I have a loving family who will surround him with love if God forbid something happens to me. Then, the next minute, I'm flying high, thinking of the future and having good health and being able to enjoy life again.
No one will ever know how difficult this journey is unless they've experienced it themselves. This definitely isn't the easy way out. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but it's the only choice I have. And, if it gives me better health, it's worth it! I want to be around to enjoy my son, my family, my friends, my life!
May 24, 2004
Well, so much has transpired since my last update. I had my surgery on April 28th! All went well. I have had absolutely no problems post-op other than feeling a bit tired. My weight now is about 250! I was at 286 a few months ago! I'm trying hard to stay away from the scale, because I don't want to start obsessing about my weight. More important, I am off my diabetic meds, my blood pressure meds and my meds for my triglycerides! I can't believe it! My primary doctor was thrilled. Of course, I need to continue to monitor my blood sugars and blood pressure daily, but so far so good! This is why I did the surgery, and I'm thrilled to see such a quick change in my health! That's 8 less pills I need to take daily! You have no idea how that makes me feel.
It's so different to not be hungry. I have to remind myself to eat much of the time. I'm so afraid of stretching my pouch. I have to work harder at getting all my water in. I don't want to mess this up! I have even been cooking for my son, and it doesn't bother me. I hate to admit it, but I haven't felt good enough to cook him dinner in ages, so this is a big change. I'm fixing dinner for him almost every night! It's great.
I have been going to a support group, which has been great! It's nice to hear where others are in their journey. I've learned so much from everyone.
I will thank God everyday for the rest of my life for this tool, and pray that I don't ever abuse it. I feel like I have been given a second chance at life, and you can bet I'm going to enjoy every minute of it!
June 6, 2004
I haven't been doing very well with the updates! Things are going well. Have been fighting some hunger the past few days. I do think most of it is head hunger, but sometimes it feels so real! I'm really sticking to the program though, and haven't made any bad choices. I'm still scared that I'll stretch my pouch, or that the Dr didn't make it small enough! I just don't seem to feel real full, but I think that's because I'm still in the liquid/pureed phase. I'm sure that will change when I go on solids. I am so afraid of failing again, but I'm going to make this work come hell or high water! I know it will.
I had a rough time last night. We had a family get together (it seems like there have been so many lately!) and everyone was eating Chinese food. I was fighting back the tears, because I felt so left out. I know I will be able to enjoy the foods they are eating, and I can't now because I'm still fairly new post-op. I had some hot and sour soup, but it wasn't the same! I swear, I don't think I realized how much I ate before surgery. At all these family get togethers, it sure seems like there are a heck of alot more left-overs than there were before I had surgery! ;-)
Today I went to the Red Lobster with a bunch of us from OH. It was great. I'm telling you, there is never a stranger there. Everyone is so supportive and friendly. I met so many new people. I was especially happy to meet Laura M. She was my inspiration before surgery, and continues to be. I used to read her profile and follow her posts. She is a beautiful lady, inside and out. We had a wonderful time, and I'm so glad Jennifer put the whole event together. I always learn from them, and hopefully help some pre-op peers feel more comfortable with their decisions. While I have support of my family, it's so nice to have support from peers. They understand what I'm going through.
That's it for now. Again, I thank God for this gift, and the gift of so many new friends.
June 8, 2004
Been fighting with hunger the past few days. Trying hard to tell myself it's head hunger, but I do think it is at times true hunger. I need to work more on getting my protein up. Have been a bit down in the dumps the past few days. Could cry at the drop of a hat. Find myself avoiding my friends calls, etc. I'm not sorry at all I had this surgery, but am feeling the loss of my best/worst friend, food. It's who I always turned to when I was happy, sad, mad, etc. It was always there for me. Now what am I going to do? Scary! I definitely need to get some hobbies and get out more. Have a Dr's appt Thursday, so hopefully she'll clear me for exercise so I can get to the gym and get some energy going. I do the littlest thing, and I'm pooped! I know things will get better, I truly do. I have stayed strong, and not given into any temptations. That's a first for me!
June 10, 2004
Went today for my 6 week post-op check. I got rear ended about 2 blocks from the Drs office. What a scare. All I kept thinking was God, please don't let this mess up this surgery. All is ok, other than I'm sore, and had the crap scared out of me. I am lucky! Been having trouble with dizziness the past week. Labs showed I'm a bit dehydrated, so need to focus on my fluids. I'm about 40 lbs down from pre-op! Yeah for me!
June 11, 2004
My son, Brent, graduated tonight from Quartz Hill High. I am so proud of him, I could bust! He graduated with so many honors. He spoke at graduation, as he was president of CSF for his school. He did so well....words can't even begin to express how proud I am of him! He'll be heading for UCLA in the fall. We had a small family get together for him right after graduation. He surprised me with a few thoughtful gifts! I must have done something right! I love that boy with all my heart.
Another nice thing was when I went to get dressed for his graduation, I thought I'd try on a new pair of pants I had bought years ago, but never wore them, as I had immediately outgrown them. They were a size 20 and now they fit perfectly! I was a size 26 at the time of surgery! Down 3 sizes in 6 wks! What a nice surprise!
June 16, 2004
Today is Brent's 18th birthday! Where did the time go? Seems like yesterday he was a little boy, and now he's an adult! I surprised him and 6 of his friends with a limo to the Dodger game! They were all thrilled! When he leaves for college this fall, it will be a big change in my life. I'll be living alone for the first time in my life. I'm so glad I did this surgery now. I'll be so much healthier for the transition.
The hunger has been much better now that I'm eating more solid foods. It's so weird to sometimes have to make myself eat. What an odd concept, eating to live! It's great! Still feeling easily tired, but I know that will get better with time. This surgery has been a bit rougher than I expected, but so worth it! When I say rougher, mainly I mean that it's zapped all my energy, but when I think about it, I was so worn out pre-op and in bad shape that it's no wonder.
That's it for now, Happy Birthday Brent! I love you and am so proud of you.
June 18, 2004
Been really fighting with nausea these past few days. I don't know what's going on. I'm getting frustrated because I know I need to get fluids in because of my dehydration, but when I eat I seem to be nauseated for hours afterwards. Maybe I need to go back to basics for a few days and stay away from the solids. Probably would be a good idea. Energy level still low, but I'm sure that has alot to do with low fluid intake and low calorie intake. But, gosh darn it, I look better!..LOL.
June 23, 2004
Continuing to have problems with nausea. Called the Drs office yesterday, and they prescribed Reglan. I hope it helps! I've been only eating 250-400 calories per day, and I feel wiped out. It is so weird, but I just don't want to eat. I open the frig, and nothing sounds or looks good. It is so strange. I feel like I've gone from one extreme to the other. I had to throw away birthday cake today. I've never had to do that before! There were no such things as left overs in my house before! I would always eat anything in sight. (of course, not in front of anyone, I was a closet eater! No one could figure out why I was overweight!)
I feel like such a baby because I haven't gone back to work yet. I just don't have the strength or energy. At my job, there is no such thing as light duty, or going back part time. It's all or nothing, and I know I just can't do it yet. I read where so many go back to work after a few weeks. Granted, most of them had lap surgery, but none the less, I couldn't even imagine. I've never been a wimp when it comes to pain, but this surgery has knocked all the wind out of me. But, in all fairness, like I've said previously, I was so run down prior to surgery that I think my body just need some time to recover. And, for the first time in my life, I'm listening to it and taking care of myself! I shouldn't feel guilty about that. Right? LOL
I don't know if anyone reads this, but if you are, I hope you are having success with your journey. I'm so glad I took this journey.....no regrets.
June 25, 2004
Had my first WOW moment since WLS yesterday. I was visiting with my Mom and sister and suddenly I noticed I had my legs crossed! I can't even tell you when the last time I was able to cross my legs! I just looked and looked at them (my crossed legs)and smiled! It may seem like a silly moment to some, but it meant so much to me!
June 25, 2004
Wow, twice in one day! I went to my PCP today. He was pleased with the blood sugar numbers and my blood pressure. I'm off all my meds but my thyroid! How great is that? Savon will no longer get rich from all my co-pays...LOL. He was also very happy with the weight loss. I think he was stunned, actually! I told him about the decreased energy, etc. He gave me a good kick in the a$$ and told me I need to get moving, period. And, I need to get some food and fluids in...just take it slow and steady. That, along with the pep talk and help and suggestions from my new friend Julie, has helped tremendously. Julie S, I will never be able to thank you enough for your support and help. You don't even know me, but you were willing to help, and I appreciate it more than words can say. I think I needed to be reminded that this tool is a precious gift, and I need to do everything I can to make it work, and by God, it's going to work for me. I actually went to an aqua aerobics class this evening, and boy did it feel good! My nausea has been less today, and I've got more fluids and food in than I have in weeks, so that felt good. I feel like I'm turning a corner. I have felt peppier today than I have since surgery, and it sure feels good! I pray it continues!
July 4, 2004-Happy 4th of July!
Well, things are looking much better. I'm feeling better and getting my calorie intake up. I called the Dr Monday and was told to take the Reglan prior to eating, and that has helped tremendously! I think I'm going to make it! I finally feel like I'm getting some energy. Today I went grocery shopping, made my son french toast for breakfast, made him a 4th of July cake, have done laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc. May even go to the mall soon! Best day I've had yet and it feels good. Every day is now getting better and better. Have started taking Vista Vitamins (the pills) These seem to work for me better than the Flinstone Vits. My weight continues to go down, maybe slower than some, but I'm happy. Am now down 50 lbs! YEAH ME! I'm having fun wearing clothes I haven't been able to wear in years. Luckily, (or should I say sadly?) I was at this weight a few yrs ago and have lots of clothes right now that I can wear. Thank goodness I had saved them! I will say it's now nice to get rid of clothes that no longer fit me, and know that I'll never be that size again! Am comfortably in a size 20 and 1X.
Happy 4th of July to all! How blessed we are to be in this country and enjoy our freedom. A special prayer of thanks to all our military and their families for all the sacrifices they have made.
July 9, 2004
Gosh, I'm feeling so much better every day! I'm no longer having nausea and my calorie count is up where it should be, as well as my fluids, etc. Diabetes is staying well controlled without meds! That's such a miracle to me! My energy level is getting better slowly each day. I'm actually going to return to work Monday! Finally! I have to say, I'm ready and I've missed it. I love all my customers, and can't wait to see so many of them. They have been so supportive with cards, flowers, calls, etc. Had to buy a whole new wardrobe to go back to work! I had fun. Actually tried on a size 16 dress and it fit! Ok, I know that was a fluke, but it felt good! I know I would be in a 16 or 18 if my stomach would lose as much as the rest of me! Oh well, it will come in time.
I've finally turned that corner, and life is looking pretty darn good! I don't know what suddenly made the difference, but who am I to question?!! I'm excited about my life now, and that feels so good. I just know good things are in store for me. Thank you God!
July 9, 2004
Oh my gosh! I thought I'd check out my BMI and it's 39.5! I'm no longer morbidly obese! Just very obese..LOL. Seriously, it's nice to have that word morbid gone! Morbid, death, no one wants those words used to describe themselves. YEAH ME!
July 15, 2004
Well, I'm back to work and feeling really good. It was great to get back and be with my coworkers and customers. Everyone is commenting on how good I look. It's nice. Down approx 55lbs. I have lots of plateaus, then suddenly the scale drops. Had another WOW moment today. My son and I went to Marie Callendars for lunch, and I had inches between me and the table in our booth. Oh my gosh, I was in shock. Previously I had to stuff myself into their booths and I was so uncomfortable, especially if I had to slide in with someone getting next to me. It was funny, I just kept staring down at the space between me and the table! It felt great! Then, I went to Savon to pick up a prescription, and I noticed how easy it was to go through the turnstill. Things are looking up! Everyday I pray for all of us in this incredible journey. I'm so happy I had this surgery!
July 29, 2004
I know it's been awhile since I've posted. I've never "talked" about my sister Mary Ann before. Mary Ann is 45 yrs old. She is a wonderful sister, daughter, and loving wife and Mom. Mary Ann is the most amazing person I know. She has been fighting a courageous battle with brain cancer for 17 yrs. Sadly, she is losing the battle. She took a turn for the worse 2 weeks ago, and now is confined to a hospital bed at home with Hospice. Words can't even begin to tell everyone how much she means to me. She's been amazing...always positive during all the years of chemo, 2 brain surgeries, 2 rounds of radiation, experimental treatments in Canada, etc. She always had a smile on her face, and lived to see her daughter, my niece grow up. Nicole is now 18 and a beautiful, sweet young lady. I am so proud of her. To now see Mary Ann lying in bed, in diapers, not sure of her surroundings one minute, and the next minute fully aware that she is dying is killing me. I have driven to Santa Clarita almost every night for 2 weeks to be with her. I cry the whole way home. I have 3 sisters, and we're all so close. We're all best friends. I just can't imagine there only being 3 of us. While I know she will always be with us, it just won't be the same. Mary Ann always thought she was the one in the family who wasn't terribly smart. Little does she know we have all learned so much from her. She taught us so much about dignity, humor, strength, and love. She is the bravest person i know. I just pray that God takes her soon so she can be at peace, and not suffer. I can't bear to see her like this.
Even while she lie in her hospital bed, she told me how wonderful I looked, and how proud she is of me. Her face would light up when she saw me. She told me I was gorgeous. Here she is, dying, yet she has the strength to support me still. How lucky am I to have a sister who is so wonderful and loving.
I thank God everyday for this surgery. Prior to surgery, i would never have had the strength and energy to work all day, then drive 50 miles each way nightly to spend with her. I would have missed so many nights of being with her. I feel guilty that my health has improved so much in the past few months, and her health has deteriorated.
I know Mary Ann will always know how very much I love her, and what she means to our family. IF anyone is reading this, please pray for her husband and daughter. And please ask God to give her peace. Thank you.
August 2, 2004
My sister, Mary Ann passed away Saturday night, July 31st. She is finally at peace. Words can't express the emptiness I feel. I know now I will always have an angel watching over me. Mary Ann was always so supportive of my WLS. She was my biggest cheer leader. I was so blessed to have her as my sister.
August 7, 2004
This has been a really difficult week for me. My sister's service was beautiful. Thank you to all for the prayers and emails. Word's can't begin to tell you how much they meant to me. I miss Mary Ann so much. I wish you all had a chance to know her. She was an amazing person, and taught me so much. I am trying to find comfort in knowing that Mary Ann is at peace, and not having to worry about cancer, MRI's, chemo, etc. I passed her house last night coming home, and I cried the whole 50 mile trip home. I feel as if a part of me is gone. But I know she's up there supporting me, and cheering me on.
I would be lying if I didn't say it's been tough during this stressful time not having my best friend food around. I did eat a bit more than normal, but not bad at all. Normally I would have gained a minimum of 20 lbs during something like this. My BMI is now 37.4. I'm fitting into all size 18 pants now, and some of my 1X tops are getting loose. Most important, I've had the strength to do all the things I've needed to do these past few weeks. My health is improving daily. My blood sugars have been 105-115 in the morning! I can hardly believe it!
August 18, 2004
Emotionally, things are a bit better for me these past few days. I miss my sister like crazy. Been real busy with work, and that's helped.
Boy, one more month and Brent will be leaving for UCLA. I am so very proud of him and all his accomplishments. What a life change this is going to be for me. All by my lonesome! I know I'll do fine, and definitely need to get involved in more activities. I'll be extremely busy at work as my boss is going on a 4 month leave, and I'll be running the branch by myself. I'm sure that will help the boredom...LOL.
Physically, I'm feeling so good. Absolutely no problems eating, and my energy is definitely up. It's amazing how quickly my clothes are getting loose. I wore a pair of pants at work today that 2 weeks ago were a bit tight, and today they were a bit on the baggy side! I went for my 3 month check up and all is well. The PA said my weightloss is right on track. I'm getting my vitamins in, my water in, my protein in, etc. I feel "normal" It's now nice to go out to eat and it just cracks me up how one meal at a restaurant can now last me for 3-4 meals!
If anyone is reading this, I wish you nothing but the best in your journey.
September 6, 2004
My BMI is now 35.7! Almost at the "overweight" point! Never in a million years did I think I'd be overweight and no longer obese! Thank God for this tool. I'm losing slowly but steadily. Everything is going well. I have had no problems with eating at all. It's so nice to see myself actually stop eating when I still have food on my plate because I'm full!
I went shopping yesterday because I'm going through clothes like crazy! I tried on 1x tops and they are getting too big. So, I thought I'd be brave and look in the "normal" size section. It was so funny. I was so uncomfortable being there. You would have thought people were watching me or something. I think I had those old memories of shopping in a store to get something for a friend, and the clerk would come up to me and say "You won't find anything in your size here." I remember that humiliation like it was yesterday. Well, no one stared, nor was I out of place. I tried on a few XL tops and they fit perfectly! Wow, was it a nice feeling. I'm really having trouble finding pants to fit as my abdomen isn't losing as fast as the rest of me. I'm between an 18 and a 16. It was nice though to shop for hours and not be wiped out. It's such a good feeling to get rid of old clothes and know that I'll never be that size again! This morning I found an old pair of size 26 pants that I wore right before surgery....they were actually a bit tight. Oh my gosh, they were huge!!! Sometimes it's hard for me to see the progress I'm making, but putting those pants on really helped! I can see how far I've come.
I'm still having a hard time dealing with the death of my sister. I miss her so much. Some nights I just cry and cry, but it's been nice not to turn to food for solace. I'm very proud how well I've stuck to the program. I'm giving this everything I have. I know this tool is a gift to me.
My blood sugars have been in the 90's. It's like a miracle. My blood pressure has been great. I'm so happy, and I feel my strength getting better with each week. I find myself smiling more and more at work because I'm not in excrutiating pain.
Life is so much better than it was preop. My only regret is that I didn't do this years ago.
September 19, 2004
It's been a year since that horrible day that my internist told me I wasn't going to live another year if I didn't have gastric bypass and get this weight off once and for good. Wow, what an amazing journey I've been on since that day. I remember just crying and crying. My blood pressure was out of control, my diabetes was out of control, heck, my life was out of control. I could barely function at that time. Everyday was spent wondering where I'd get the energy to get through the next day., or if I'd even live to see the next day. It was an awful way to live. My obesity was sucking the very life out of me. I look at where I am now, and I thank God that my doctor cared enough about me to say that. I was closing my eyes when it came to my weight and health. I will forever be thankful to him for opening my eyes.
It's not about the fact that I look better than I have in ages, it's about being healthier, and feeling good about life. Sure, it's a nice bonus that I look better. But the real joy is in seeing me starting to live life again. I'm smiling more. I can deal with the craziness at work more. I have the energy to participate in life, not hide, or stand in the sidelines and watch it pass me by. I see a future for myself. My son can leave for college next week, and know that I am ok, that I'm getting healthier by the day....that I'll do fine by myself. And, I can let him go, and be happy for him, because I know I will be ok. You have no idea what peace that is giving me.
Sure, at times it hasn't been an easy journey. The fight to get this surgery was harder than I ever imagined. But, I kept fighting. For the first time in my life, I was doing something for ME. Every journey has it's rocky roads, but it's the destination that makes all the bumps in the road worthwhile. My destination is good health, and I find I am reaching that destination. I thank God for this journey. It's defining me as a person. It's giving me my life back. Oh, I have a ways yet to reach my destination, but already I can see that my life is better for making this journey.
September 25, 2004
I just got back from UCLA. It's official, my son is a student there. I am so proud of him I could burst. Wow, if this had happened a year ago, I would have been lost, and scared. I counted on him for so many things due to my deteriorating health. But now, everything is different. I could be happy for him, and proud. I'm not afraid to be alone, I'm so much healthier now. Now, this isn't to say I didn't shed a few tears the past week as I will miss him like crazy, but it was so nice being there today, being able to walk up the 3 flights of stairs to his dorm, hike all over campus without feeling like I was dying. This was even after working 7 hours today. The campus is beautiful, and I had such a good day. It's weird, but being there, and seeing where he'll be living and going to school gave me peace. I'm so glad he gets this opportunity. It's crazy what this surgery has done for me, and for him. He's able to go without worrying about his Mom because I'm in such better health. And I'm able to let him go, because I'm doing fine and feeling good. He's such a great kid, and I'm so very very proud of him.
My BMI is now 35. I've been on a plateau for over 3 weeks now, and while I'm not dropping any pounds, the inches are definitely coming off. Clothes that were tight on me last month are already too big. This tool is such a blessing.
October 3, 2004
Today I went to a Dodger game with my son and his friends. Another WOW moment, I fit in the seats comfortably! It was awesome. Last game I went to I literally felt wedged in the seats and had marks on both hips. I had room to move this time. Everything is just so much easier these days because I'm so comfortable with the space I take up. I don't know if that makes sense, but I don't need to worry if I'll fit somewhere. Before, for example, if I went to a restaurant, I used to eye where we were seating, and see how I could easily get to that spot, or get out of it....in other words, how I'd maneuver myself between the tables. I don't have those worries anymore! I can walk so much easier, I don't cringe when I see stairs, etc. My energy keeps getting better and better. I actually do things on my days off, it's great! I smile more, I laugh more. I'm starting to enjoy life for the first time in many many years.
October 21, 2004
Well, I can hardly believe it! My plateau from hell has finally ended and I'm in the ONEDERFULS! YIPEE! 198lbs! I haven't weighed that since 1979...and let me tell you, it feels so good! And, if that wasn't enough, I went shopping today and everything I bought came from the petite section of the store. And, I mean the NORMAL petite section! I got 14 and 16 petite pants, and petite XL and Large tops! I was in heaven. I didn't have to step foot in the woman's section. Wow, that was a first. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for this surgery and how it is changing my life for the better!
I had a wonderful experience a few weeks ago. Mike W nominated me for the CA Boards "person of the week." I was overwhelmed with the honor, and touched by the outpour of love, support, and kindness showed to me during that week. Mike and his beautiful wife Kristie will forever hold a special place in my heart. I've never met them before, but am hoping to one day. They put a smile on my face that just couldn't be erased! I am forever grateful to the gift they gave me. The love and support from this site is awesome, and I am so grateful I found it.
Brent is doing wonderfully at UCLA. He's so happy there. He came home last weekend for my birthday and bought me a blue sweatshirt with an embroidered daisy that said UCLA Mom. It was a very special gift. He even sent me flowers at work on Monday, my birthday. He's a very special kid! It does my heart good to see how happy he is and how well he's adapted to college.
Well, that's it for now. Those who are fighting for this surgery, keep fighting the good fight, don't give up. For those new postop's, things will get better with each day. Hang in there! Everynight I say a prayer for all of us where ever we may be in our journeys.
November 7, 2004
I haven't been as good updating as I would like. I heard someone say once that the further out you get, the less you participate in the message boards and update your profile as you get busy enjoying your life. Guess it's true!
I was supposed to go to the OH Convention October 30th, but was sick. I was so disappointed. There were so many people I was looking forward to meeting, and some old friends I wanted to see again. Hopefully next time.
I was cleaning out my garage a few weeks ago, and found my weight book from one of my many times of joining weight watchers. It was from 2001 and showed I weighed 291.5. I was shocked. I always knew I had gone dangerously close to weighing 300, I would avoid scales at all costs the more I weighed. I thought the highest I weighed was 281, but now I know differently. According to that booklet, I only lasted 3 weeks with Weight Watchers that time and gave up. While I'm not foolish enough to believe I will never gain weight again, it does feel good to know that this tool is working for me. Finding that book brought back so many memories of diet attempts, only to be shortly followed by failures. I would lose, then gain, lose and gain more, etc. God, that must have been so hard on my body...not to mention, horrible for my self esteem. I'm down to 195lbs....so it's close to the century club for me.
I continue to feel great. I'm busier than heck at work, but it feels so good to have the energy to tackle all the additional responsibilities I have had to take on in the absence of my boss. I have no doubt, had it not been for this surgery, I wouldn't have been able to do this. I'm adjusting well to my new life of living alone. I'm so happy for Brent...he's loving college life and doing great. I'm so proud of him. He's ranked number 9 in his calculus class out of 185 students at UCLA. How great is that?
I think back to a year ago, and remember fighting so hard for this surgery. For those of you who are in that place, you have my prayers. It was such a difficult time in my life. Knowing my doctor said I wasn't going to live long if I didn't have this surgery, and the insurance company saying no. Now, here I am, so much healthier and happier. I count my blessings every day.
I'm excited to get into the hoiday season, and food not being the thing I'm looking forward to. I'm looking forward to being with my family, and counting all my blessings.
To those reading this, you are all in my prayers, no matter where you are in your journey. I wish you only the best of the health.
November 11, 2004
I went to my support group last night, and meet someone for the first time....she said to me, you look so normal. I about died! "Normal" what the heck is that? She said, you look like you don't belong here. Wow, was that ever nice. No one has ever said I look like I don't have a weight problem. Of course, I realize, it's all relative. I still have alot to lose, but it was sure nice. I'm finding myself getting a bit hungrier these days, and it scares me. I'm so afraid of slipping into my old habits. I've only made good choices, but it's still scary. I do need to get my rear in gear and get exercising more. I'm so bogged down with work that when I get home, I'm pooped.
Definitely need to find some new hobbies to keep my mind busy, as well as my hands! Though I'm tired when I get home, I don't want to lapse into my old habit of eating because I'm bored. Also, I've been having one heck of a time dealing with my sisters death still. I have cried so many times this week thinking of her and missing her. My sisters and I are so close...and it just feels like a part of me is missing. I find I think of her more when I'm alone and just sitting around.
Been trying to think of hobbies to do...of course, exercise would be the best for me! I hate going to the gym at night, as it's such a meat market and so darned crowded. Could walk, but it's dark now when I get home, and I'm a big chicken. Ok, how's that for excuses? ;-) Seriously though, I need to start doing something.
It's a really weird emotion dealing with all the compliments I get from people. Sometimes, part of me gets angry....and wants to say, "what the heck, was I that bad before?" Other times, I find myself saying, "oh, I have a long way to go." In other words, not wanting to give myself credit for how far I've come. Most of the time, I almost ignore it...and change the subject. I think that old fear of failure is still in my mind. I'm working hard on trying to say "thank you....I'm trying to get healthy." I'm just not used to attention about my looks. It makes me uncomfortable. I need to work on it. Why does it make me so uncomfortable? That's the question of the day!!!! I sure messed myself up all those years of diet attempts and failures. My self esteem sucks, and I need to really work on it. Especially when it comes to men. I want so badly to have someone very special in my life....someone to spend the rest of my life with. Someone who is as good to me and I am to them. Someone who appreciates me. Until I realize I am worth loving, it's not going to happen. I'm working on it, but it's a slow process. Like it's been said, they did surgery on my stomach, not on my brain!
Thanks for stopping by.....you are all in my prayers where ever you are in your journey.
Novembr 25, 2004
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I have so much to be thankful for this year. I thank God everyday that I had this surgery, and for my improved health. I can't even begin to tell you how much better I feel. I was shopping this weekend, and it brought me back to last year. As the holidays were approaching, I was in a bad place. So much pain from the weight on my joints, and just literally dying from my diabetes. I told everyone last year, I just couldn't handle Christmas. I was too tired to shop and too sick to care. What a difference a year makes! I have already done alot of shopping for Christmas, and have enjoyed every minute of it! I can shop for hours and not get tired. I am happy and have so much more energy than I could imagine. I am living life again....where last year, I don't think I was living, I was just trying to survive. It feels so good.
You're never going to believe what I did this weekend! I got a brand new sports car! (ok, I lease, but it's still mine!) I leased a BMW Z4! LOL..can you believe it? This was my 3rd BMW lease, and they made me an offer I couldn't refuse! Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever had a 2 seater convertible! It's beautiful, and makes me feel like a kid! I just look at it and smile! It's a beautiful color, "merlot" almost a burgundy with a black convertible top. My family and friends think I've gone off the deep end....but yet they're so happy for me. To quote my Mom "I should be mad at you, but you've never done anything crazy in your entire life, I guess it's about time!" A new me is emerging and it's so exciting! I've said it a million times, but I'm living life now and it feels great!
I'm down to 190lbs! I don't ever remember weighing this. I know for sure, I haven't been this low since 1978! Still have a way to go, but I'm getting there, slowly but surely.
Happy Turkey Day to all, and a big thank you to God for my son, my family, my friends, and especially for my giving me my health. I truly have so much to be thankful for, I am blessed.
December 12, 2004
I went shopping today, my new favorite pastime! Well, I bought all size large shirts....and size 14 petite Liz Claiborne pants. Wow, it was amazing! I am having a ball shopping in the "normal" sections of the stores! All I kept thinking about while I was shopping was how lucky I am. I feel so darned good, it's amazing! I worked 8 hours yesterday, drove to Santa Clarita after work, and went shopping with my Mom and sister for hours, then drove home. It feels so good to do things now. I'm amazed at how much less sleep I need. My days off used to be spent sleeping and resting up for the following day, but not anymore! I can do things, run errands, clean the house, cook, etc and not feel tired. I'm working 12 hour days, and it's not a problem. I was wrapping presents this afternoon, and just started laughing. I had bought so many gifts for others! It just feels so good to feel good this Christmas and I'm enjoying every minute of it. Last year, I could have cared less about the holidays. I didn't buy any gifts other than for my son. I was too sick to care. But not this year! I'm going to be heading for the poor house soon! I was at the grocery store a few days ago. Do you remember, how, as a kid, you would run with the grocery cart, then hop on it and let it take you for a ride? Gosh, I wanted to do that so bad! LOL. That's how good I feel.
I went to a Karaoke party last weekend with several people from OH. I had a blast. I met so many new friends, and saw many people that I had met before. What a wonderful group of people! I am blessed to have all of them in my life, and have learned so much from everyone. I was most happy to see Laura M again. It was such a nice surprise! She looks absolutely beautiful. She just finished the marathon in Hawaii today, and I am so proud of her. What an accomplishment! Wished we lived closer so she could motivate me to get my rear in gear!
I read this poem when I first started my WLS journey and saved it. I just re-read it, and it now means so much to me.
THE WOMAN IN THE MIRROR
Walking past the mirrored glass,
I take a timid peak,
I see a woman staring back,
I'm too choked up to speak.
The puffiness, at last, is gone,
The skin pink and glowing,
The many pounds that melted off
Finally, now is showing
Hard to believe until recently,
This same woman was dying,
Stuffing the food to ease the pain,
Heartbroken and crying
Life evolved around each snack,
She lived for every meal,
Anything to numb the hurt,
She didn't want to feel.
When did she get so pretty?
When did God remove the grief?
How did this miracle happen?
Who provided this relief?
What a gift!!
A second chance!!
I thank God everyday
For his grace in showing me,
There is a better way.
I walk, I dance, I make love too,
My heart is filled with gladness,
I'm out of bondage, I'm out of pain,
There is no room for sadness.
This woman in the mirror,
Smiles softly back at me,
She has good cause to be so pleased,
She's finally been set free!!!!---Author Unknown
Thanks for stopping by. I hope you have a wonderful Holiday season!
December 19, 2004
Weight is now 185. Definitely going slower, but that's ok...it's still going down! Hard to believe it's almost Christmas! For the first time since I can remember, I'm actually ready for it. Gosh, this newfound energy is wonderful! I continue to do well, without any problems. I don't "test" my pouch, however. I stay away from sugar, breads, pasta and rice. I know myself, once I get a bit, it won't be enough. I know many people can do that stuff in small amounts, but I just can't. I swore off sweets for 2 years when I was first diagnosed with diabetes, and one day, I took a bite of a cookie, and it went downhill from there. I definitely have a food addiction problem, (sugar) and I just don't want to go there again.
I saw my PCP this week. Hadn't seen him since June. Well, first of all, let me describe this man to you. He's very quiet, and never shows one ounce of emotion. Well, he walked in the room, and said to me, "stand up and let me look at you!" He was grinning from ear to ear. He was so happy. It made me feel so good. Everything was great. He asked me at the end of the visit if I had any regrets, and I said absolutely none. I told him I would be forever grateful to him for suggesting this surgery to me. It was the best time I've ever had at a doctors office! He left smiling, and so did I. It was a wonderful moment.
Brent is home from UCLA for the holidays, I'm feeling great, and we both have so many blessings. What more could I ask for? Life is good, and I have been given a second chance.
Happy Holidays to all!
January 1, 2005
Happy New Year to All! It's so hard not to reflect on the past year today. It's been a rough year in many aspects. The loss of my sister being the biggest heartache I've ever felt. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her.
This surgery was also very difficult, but turned around to be the best part of 2004. Seeing my health improve with the loss of each pound has been amazing. I can't tell you how wonderful it was this year not to make "staying on a diet" one of my New Year resolutions, only to always fail, and end up hating myself for being so weak. This year, I resolve to continue to be healthy and enjoy life by living it....not watching it pass me by. I know that 2005 will be a wonderful year for me. I have been given the gift of life, and I plan to enjoy it!
One of my goals is to incorporate more exercise into my new, healthy lifestyle. My boss comes back on Monday after a 4 month leave, and I won't be so consumed by work. I am going to be more selfish and focus on me. That's something that has always been difficult for me in the past, but I'm going to work on it this year. It's time to focus on me, and celebrate my new life, and newfound health.
I wish everyone the best for 2005. May those of you just starting on your journey find the health and happiness that I found this past year. For those of us who have been on this journey, may we continue to enjoy health and happiness, and learn to love ourselves, and enjoy our lives. Everyday we are given is a gift, may we all enjoy it, and our loved ones, to the fullest.
January 15, 2005
Morning all! Things are going well physically for me. I'm down to 180lbs and feeling great. No problems at all. I can't get over my energy level, and how it keeps increasing. It just feels so darned good not to be tired all the time! My blood pressure and diabetes continues to be well controlled without medicine. Customers are constantly coming over to my desk and saying they can't get over the changes in me. Some of them don't even recognize me! I'm down 111 lbs from my highest weight. That's amazing to me when I think that is a whole person. Geez, no wonder my joints hurt so much!
I'm wearing some size 12's now and it feels great! Shopping has become my latest addiction! I just can't get over how many more choices one has, and the bargains one can get in the "normal" section! I just love it! This is the first time in my adult life I have not had to shop in the plus size stores, and I'm enjoying every minute of it.
I've been having a rough time missing my sister the past few weeks. I was off work on Thursday and was busy cleaning out my closet, etc. I went out to the garage to throw away some trash, and there was a card on the floor. I picked it up, and it was a card she had given me for one of my birthdays. I cried and cried for hours. She was such an amazing person, and my heart aches I miss her so. I really wish she could have seen how well I've done. She would have been so proud of me. I have to believe in my heart she does know, and she is cheering me on up there in heaven as my very special angel.
That's it from here. I continue to be ever grateful for this tool and how it's changing my life.
January 23, 2005
I have had somewhat of a rough week. I continue to have a bad case of the blues. Still not sure why, other than I've had more time on my hands, and I think it's giving me too much time to miss my sister, and miss Brent. This too will pass, I know.
I am having a tough time dealing with all the comments about my appearance. While I know they mean well, it's so hard for me to hear over and over how great I look. In one day at work this week, I had a customer yell across the bank that they couldn't get over how much weight I lost. Well, everyone in the bank was just staring at me, and it made me so uncomfortable. (this has happened numerous times) Then, that same day, I had a male customer tell me how great I looked and how nice my cleavage was. Holy crap! Then, I had a male customer come over to my desk, put his hand on mine, and tell me I was looking mighty good. I'm just so uncomfortable with all the attention. I know, I should be grateful, and I am, that I look better and feel better, but it plays tricks with my mind. Geez, was I that bad before? I'm the same person I was then. But, I guess I'm really not the same person. People tell me I don't look the same, my hair is different, I dress different. I sometimes feel as if I don't know who I am anymore. Does that make any sense? I feel as if people are defining who I am by my weight and appearance now even more than before. For me, that brings up the old fear of failure. I have so many people now watching me and keeping an eye on my weight. What if I fail? I then have all those people seeing me as a failure. Scary stuff, but I have to remain strong and work hard not to fail.
Physically, I'm feeling great. I actually went to the gym today! YEAH ME! I kept finding excuses, such as I don't have anything to wear, it's too late, it's too early, etc. Well, this morning I went and bought a workout outfit (size Medium, thank you very much!) and came home, got dressed, and off I went. I actually was able to walk 30 mins on the treadmill without breaking a sweat. I was shocked! I told myself before I left I'd be happy doing 10-15 mins the first time. Before I knew it, I had been walking 30 mins! Then I did work on the machines for a half an hour. Gosh, I felt great afterwards. I think it got my endorphines going and put me in a better mood. I'm going to try my best to do this 3-4 times a week.
I feel bad, for my last few posts have seemed somewhat negative. WLS doesn't fix everything in your life, and sometimes I think I had the feeling that if I got thin, my life would be perfect. It isn't, but it is one heck of alot better. But, it can't take away the pain of losing my sister, or the heartache of being alone. I have so many things to be grateful for, and I am, but for now, I just have a bad case of the "down in the dumpers!" This too shall pass.
January 30, 3005
I went to my surgeon Thursday for my 9 month visit. I had lab work done previously by my PCP and I hadn't seen him yet for the results. I thought it would be nice to take them to my surgeons office, so I asked my PCP office to fax them to me. OH MY GOSH! WHAT A MIRACLE! My trigylcerides pre-op were over 500. In fact, they were so high that it caused my surgery to be cancelled at one point until I got on meds to bring them down. Well, the meds were discontinued after surgery, and my level is now 84! My cholesterol was 400 pre-op, it is now 154. My "good and bad" cholestrol levels are now normal. My fasting blood sugar was 91, and my hemoglobin A1c is now in the non-diabetic range! This is a miracle. All of this without meds! Prior to surgery my labs were all out of whack, and that's an understatement. This is the first time in my life that I had lab work done and everything was normal!! I was so happy I cried! Boy, if I ever had doubts about having this surgery, and I never have, this just proves it was the best thing I ever did for myself.
I did make it to the gym 3 times last week! I am proud of myself for that. I'm actually enjoying it! It is something I am going to work hard at. It was the one component of aftercare that I wasn't good at, but I am working on changing that! It does help me feel better. It's amazing at how much more comfortable I am there than prior to surgery. I used to be so self conscious previously when I went to the gym, but now I'm not at all.
Things do get harder the further out you are after this surgery. Who ever said this is the easy way out is nuts. You still have to exercise self control. I get hungry now, and I can eat more. It's more of a struggle now to make the right choices. But, so far I am, but it definitely is getting more difficult. I'm hoping the exercise will help offset the extra hunger.
Thanks for stopping by, and I wish you all the best with your journey.
February 5, 2005
My weight is now 178. It's really slowing down, but at least it's still going down! 3 more lbs and I'll no longer be obese! Wow, can't wait for that! What an accomplishment.
I went to the gym this morning and had my best workout ever! I did 15 mins on the bike, and 40 mins on the treadmill, followed by a 30 min workout on various weight machines. It felt great! It really seems to be helping my mood, also. Been feeling better and I'm so grateful for that. I'm just not a down in the dumps person, and God, I sure don't like feeling that way. I truly believe the exercise is helping. It's getting me out of the house, and it just feels good doing something for myself. I feel like I'm getting back to my old self. Thank goodness!
I'm looking forward to going to a karoake party with some of my OH friends next weekend. I'm so happy that Rachel will be going. I haven't seen her since we were surgery buddies, and I just can't wait to see her again! It's always fun meeting people from the board.
Well, that's it from here. Thanks for stopping by!
March 10, 2005
My weight is now at 174....I am no longer obese! I can hardly believe it! Just plain old overweight! I'm wearing size 12-14 depending on the brand, and medium to large tops. I love shopping in the "normal" section of the stores. Let me tell you, they have better bargains than the large size departments! My lower abd just doesn't seem to be going down as much as the rest of me. If it wasn't for my "apron" I'd definitely be in smaller clothes.
Health-wise, I'm doing great. My only problem is my blood pressure gets a bit low now, and I have to be careful when I get out of bed....I have to sit for a minute or at times I get dizzy from the low blood pressure. A few weeks ago, I got up in the middle of the night, and blacked out. I apparently hit my head when I blacked out, and suffered from a concussion. I have no recollection of what happened...but must have taken a bad fall, for the next morning, I noticed a table in my hall and all the things on it were knocked over. Am fine now, had headaches for a few weeks. I just have to learn not to "jump" out of bed.
So, other than that, physically I'm doing great. I've been good about going to the gym 3-4 times a week. I go for 1 1/2-2 hours and its been good for me. I feel so good after a good workout. I really wish I would have done this from day one, but at least I'm doing it now. I go early in the morning, and it gets my day off to a good start.
It was my sisters birthday on Feb 27th. It was a rough day for me. I went to the cemetary and brought her a piece of birthday cake and flowers, and sang to her. It was the first time I had been to the cemetary since she died in July. Wow, it was rough seeing her grave marker. Something about seeing her name and the date of her birth and death in writing....made me realize how final death is. I'm glad I went, but it was very difficult.
Her death has really rocked my world. I miss her daily.
I am forever grateful for this surgery, and my improved health. I don't have one regret, other than I wish I would have done it sooner. I thank God everyday for this tool.
March 26, 2005
My heart is aching with the news of Teri Lynn, one of the CA board OH members, who is in a coma following her WLS. It has really hit me hard. We shared the same surgeon. She and her family are in my constant thoughts and prayers. The news of her condition immediately made me say a prayer of thanks for my improved health...and all my blessings. I only hope and pray that she recovers to enjoy all the blessings following WLS that I have enjoyed. We all know the risks going into surgery. I know for me, I was at such a risk not having the surgery. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I thank God everyday for giving me a second chance at life. I hope Teri Lynn gets that second chance, too. If you're reading this, please say a prayers for her and her family.
I am doing well these days....the depression seems to be lifting. My weight this morning was 170lbs! My BMI is 29.2. When I first thought of having this surgery, I knew I would be happy just weighing under 200...or being a size 16! I never thought I'd be this weight, or be able to wear size 12 pants, and medium tops! Again, another blessing I am grateful for!
I am doing great at the gym, and really enjoying it. I truly believe it's helped with my depression. I'm walking 3-4 miles on the treadmill, as well as doing 45 mins or so of weight training. I'm going 3-5 times a week. I'm really proud of myself, and really wish I would have started this sooner...but better late than never!
Wishing everyone a blessed Easter. Remember to keep Teri Lynn in your prayers, and tell those you love how special they are each and every day.
April 27, 2005
Well, tomorrow will be my one year anniversary! WOW! Time has flown by. Not a day goes by that I don't thank God for this surgery. My weight is at 165lbs, and I wear a size 12, some 14's and a medium top. Didn't lose much weight this month, but I know I've lost inches because my clothes are definitely fitting me differently than last month. Things have definitely slowed down, but they're still going in the right direction!
Am having a bit of a problem with low blood pressure. I blacked out again during the night a few weeks ago, and have no recollection of what happened. Hit my head, again, and my chest and knee. Only know that because of the nice egg sized knot on my forehead, and the massive bruises on my chest and knees. Ended up in ER for a CAT scan of my head, and that was ok. Kind of scary as this is the second time this has happened, and even more frightening since I'm alone. I'm mostly worried about my knee. Apparently I fell on it quite hard, judging by the bruises and pain. I'm so scared I did some permanent damage to it. I have bad knees to start with due to my years of obesity. I was doing so well at the gym, and this has put a damper on that for now. Go tomorrow for xrays, then a referral to an orthopedic dr. My primary dr is also sending me to a cardiologist to see if there are any problems causing my black outs. I truly think it's because my blood pressure gets low, and if I get up too quickly, I get dizzy. Anyway, he wants to check me out just in case. I guess better safe than sorry. My labs are all good, and I called my surgeons office, and they don't think it is related to my WLS.
Other than that, all is well. I think back to this time last year, and remember how scared I was. I got so much strength from reading many journals here, and seeing the changes in so many of the others that went before me. Knowing what I know now, would I do this again? YOU BET I WOULD! IN A HEARTBEAT! It has changed my life, no, I should say, it has given me my life back.
April 28, 2005
Happy Anniversary to me! I can't believe it's been a year. And wow, what a year! Last year at this time I was told I wouldn't live another year if my health continued the path it was taking. And now, here I am, 125lbs lighter and oh, so much healthier! Not to say it hasn't been difficult at times, but it sure has been well worth it. Sometimes it's the little things that make me so happy along this journey. Like comfortably fitting in a booth...not having to worry where the waiter will seat you, going through turnstills at the store with ease, seatbelts fitting, shopping in the "normal" womans sections, being able to play with my nieces and nephews, being able to walk more than 10 mins without feeling like I was going to die, walking into the gym with my head held high, because I truly feel I belong there and don't look out of place, compliments on how I look, being able to wear stylish clothes, going to the doctor and not being afraid to be weighed. Oh my gosh, the list can go on and on.
This time last year, I was so afraid...afraid of having the surgery, and afraid of not having it. I would do it again in a minute. It has made me feel like Judy for the first time in years. I didn't know who I was anymore, but now I am becoming the person I know I was meant to be. I am living life, not watching it pass me by! I didn't realize how sick I was, or how bad I felt, until I have experienced what good feels like these past few months. God, I was in a bad place before surgery...literally existing by a thread. It was all I could do to work all day, let alone do anything else.
To all of those who have supported me, encouraged me, listened to me, and led by your examples, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know what I would have done without all of you.
June 7, 2005
All is going well....still having the dizzy spells when I get up in the morning. Am seeing a cardiologist for that, and tests to follow. Other than that, I feel great! My weight is at 163. Things going real slow, but I continue to lose inches. Am loving the gym, and go 4 times a week. Last Saturday I walked 5 miles, and did weight machines. What a miracle! Then went shopping, and chased my niece all around the baseball field at my nephews game. It's so nice to be able to play with her, and do things with her. I could run under the bleachers with her, and not worry about fitting. Suddenly, my body knows no boundaries. It's wonderful! And, to make it even a better day, I fit into size 10 pants, and all medium petite tops! Oh my gosh, I look at my clothes sometimes and wonder who they belong to, they can't be mine! I definitely dress younger, and love every minute of it.
I still am uncomfortable with all the attention I get at work. It's crazy having people talk to me and ask whatever happened to me. When I say, it's me, their jaws just drop. It's hard having so much attention focused on my weight, and what I look like...I was hoping that would stop once I was at a "normal" weight, but it only gets worse. I just try to smile, and accept the compliments...but it sure makes you feel like you were a freak or something before the weight loss. Geez, was I that bad??
It's amazing the changes you go through. I know what I want, and I won't "settle" for anything less. I had a customers son come into the bank this week. He is extremely good looking, and my age. Many years ago we went to lunch...not a date, just went to lunch together. Well, he proceeded to tell me please order whatever you want, you don't have to eat healthy like me. I remember the pain I felt when he said that. What a jerk...but I sat there, and I took it, and didn't say a word. Well, he came into the bank this week. I hadn't seen him since my surgery. He motioned that he wanted to talk to me. I walked over to him, and he said, gee, Judy, you look like a new woman....you're half the size you were. I just might ask you out on a date now. I just looked at him, and said, don't bother, and I walked away with my head held high. God, it felt so good. The old Judy would have gone, and put up with that kind of crap. But no more. I realize I'm worth so much more than that....and that's a great feeling.
Thanks for stopping by and sharing in my journey. A friend asked me last week if I would do this all over again. I said, in a minute...I would have this surgery every year if that's what it took to continue to feel so good.
July 10, 2005
Been without a computer for a month, but it's finally up and working. All is well....weigh 160 now and feel great. Went shopping for my vacation in a few weeks, and bought all size 10 pants and medium tops. Even bought a size 11 junior dress...I almost cried. Didn't realize it was a junior size, someone had put it on the rack in the petite section. Sometimes I just pinch myself, because I can't believe I'm in "normal" sizes.
Work has been a constant source of stress the past few months. I know, if I wouldn't have had this surgery, I wouldn't have been able to deal with it. Thank God I'm physically feeling so much better so I can handle all the changes. I've had a few customers say they can see the energy in me.....that's one of the best compliments I have received.
Am so looking forward to vacation. My family and I are going to Florida and spend a few days at Disneyworld, then off for a Carribean cruise. I can't wait! I'm so excited to feel good. I've never felt really healthy before when I've been on a vacation, so all I wanted to do was relax and sleep. Not this vacation...I'm ready to go to all the parks at Disneyworld, ride all the rides.....I've signed myself for some great excursions on the cruise. I actually get to participate in this vacation!!
Am still plagued with dizzy spells. Had my Holter monitor last week, and will get results soon. The Dr thinks this has NOTHING to do with my surgery...but unfortunately, some permanent damage from diabetes. Am still going to the gym and loving it. Walk about 3-5 miles on the treadmill, and do weight machines. Haven't lost much pound-wise, but everyone says it sure looks like I have...so things must be firming up a bit. Thank goodness! I know I have much plastic surgery ahead of me...yikes!
That's it for now.....still keep everyone in my prayers, and thank God everyday for my successes.
August 8, 2005
I just got back from the most wonderful vacation ever! I can't tell you how great it was to actually "participate" in a vacation, rather than sleep and rest my way through it.
It started in Orlando, Florida for 3 days. I walked all over DisneyWorld....without a problem, and without the heat killing me! I went on every ride in the various parks. I felt like a kid again! It was such an awesome feeling not worrying about whether I'd fit in a ride, or whether they'd tell me I couldn't ride because of my weight. I laughed, and had a blast!
From there, my family and I (a family reunion of sorts, there were 22 of us from Ohio and CA) went on a 7 day cruise in the western Caribbean. I went on a 1 hour hike through the rainforest in Belize. I was at the front of the pack throughout the walk. It didn't phase me one single bit! It was awesome. I wasn't out of breathe, and walked without a problem. My cousin from Ohio said to me, "geez, you're amazing, you're doing this like it's nothing". To which I replied, "it feels so great just to be able to do this!" After our hike, we went tubing through caverns. It was amazing...you sit on a big intertube and float down the river....I imagine something like river rafting, but milder. It was so much fun. We laughed and laughed.
In Cozumel, I did kayaking without a problem. Then, I went parasailing with my son. Oh my gosh, that was amazing. The water was so beautiful. I can't begin to tell you how I felt flying up there above the water. I was moved to tears to know I was actually doing this. It was the most freeing feeling.
Everyday on the cruise I'd walk 2-3 miles on the sports deck. I felt so good. All the food was a bit scary, but I made good choices, and was sure to get in plenty of exercise.
After the cruise, we went to Kennedy Space Center for the day, then caught our plane home. It was the most amazing vacation. It felt so good to participate. I honestly don't remember a vacation where I did that. I did things...I enjoyed myself. I fit in everywhere. I could maneuver between tables, and people, and not feel like I was infringing on their space. I fit in the airplane seats so easily. I didn't worry that I was hanging over into someone elses seat. I could actually get up and use the restroom on the plane. Normally, I wouldn't budge from my seat because I was wedged into it....and God forbid that I try to crawl over someone trying to get out.
This trip was liberating....and exhilarating for me. I just smile thinking of it. A new me has emerged since this surgery, and there isn't anything I can't do. I'm not afraid of myself anymore. I was comfortable doing things in groups, and doing things on my own. I am actually home from a trip where I did things...not just rode on a bus, or eat my way through a cruise.
None of this would have happened had it not been for this surgery. I said a big prayer of thanks to God for giving me my health back, and my life back. I am excited about my future....and it feels so good to say that.
August 27, 2005
Well, it's been back to reality after vacation! Can't express what a wonderful time I had, and how great it was to actually do things on my vacation. I'm telling anyone who'll listen to me what a great time I had...LOL
Am feeling great, though continue to have problems with dizziness when I wake up. Passed out twice last week, one time on the kitchen tile floor (after getting up from napping on the couch) and chipped a bone in my lt buttock...ouch! The doctors just think it's orthostatic hypotension...and again, i stress, it's nothing to do with my surgery. Had a cardiac consult last month, and my holter monitor and echo were just fine. Had a mess of lab work done, and I'm proud to say, 3 pages worth of results, and absolutely everyone of them normal! What a miracle. These included the usual labs, triglycerides (84-were over 600 pre-op), cholesterol, glucose (94) A1C (non-diabetic range!) etc. Also included were all my vitamin and iron levels, and they all came back perfect...which means I'm doing something right! I'm religious about taking my vitamins, including B12. I can't stress enough how important this is with this surgery. I take my vitamins, B-12 and calcium as if my life depended on it....and, to be honest, I think it does! I was so happy! Not one abnormal lab result! Thank you God!
Continue to go to the gym on a fairly regular basis. At least 3-4 times per week. Walk 3-4 miles each time and do weights. My weight is at 159 or so. My BMI is 27.3. Not losing much anymore, but people swear I'm still losing, so the exercise must be helping me look better. I actually enjoy the gym...and love people watching while I'm there.
I honestly feel like a new person. I can handle stress at work so much better...I smile so much more....I just feel great! Am wearing a solid size 10, and even managed to get into a few size 8 pants! Never in a million years would I have imagined that! Am a bit jealous as I hear of people who had surgery around the same time as I did or after already having plastic surgery. God knows I need it, but financially just can't justify it with Brent in college. But, it's definitely something I see in my future, but still would like to get down a few more pounds before I even consider it.
Have really enjoyed having Brent home for the summer. Gosh, will sure miss him when he goes back to school, but I'm so darned proud of him. He's such a wonderful young man. He's struggling a bit with his weight right now...gained the freshman 15...but it was more like 30! He joined weight watchers, and I'm really trying to support him. I'm proud of him. It was his idea to go, and I know it can't be easy for a 19 yr old male to walk into a meeting. I'm just glad he's trying to get a handle on it now. I just don't ever want him to go through the pain that I have with my weight. We went to the gym together after I got home from work, and it was really nice. I sure did something right with him! He's the best!
I have to say, stress in life it getting a bit easier to handle without my best friend food. Had a real heartache earlier this month, and I did ok. Oh yeah, it hurt, but I didn't eat, I cried a bit, and then realized everything happens for a reason. Not saying that life is perfect now by any means, but it sure is one heck of alot nicer! Just being able to get through a day without all the pain I had with my obesity, physical and mental, is a blessing. This surgery doesn't cure all, but it sure has improved the quality of my life a hundred fold.
September 18, 2005
Not much new here. Still weigh about 158, and just can't seem to get below that. But, that's ok, I feel great, and am happy with my weight loss. I'm just grateful to be maintaining, and not gaining. Would love to get to 145, but I don't know if that's going to happen. I must look like I'm losing still, for I'm constantly getting comments that I look smaller. I've had several people tell me not to lose anymore...and that just strikes me as funny. Since when is someone who is 5'4" and weighs 158 too thin? LOL. Guess they're not used to me being that small.
I was with my Mom yesterday, and while she's been one of my biggest supporters, and she's so proud of me, I think it is bothering her that I wear smaller clothes than her now. She's forever trying to give me her clothes, and they're just too big now for me. It's funny, some people are so happy for you, until you get smaller than they are, or weigh less. It's a touchy subject with some. I really just try to focus on how good I feel, not the numbers. Numbers can mess with your head...and my head doesn't need any help! LOL.
Looking forward to another cruise next month. Then, that's it for awhile. This new and exciting life of mine is great, but way too expensive! But, I sure am enjoying it! I have found I love to travel since I've lost weight! It's amazing how the world just opens up to you when you're feeling good, and not bound by all the pain of obesity.
Thanks for stopping by, I hope life is treating you well, and that good health will become a reality for all of us.
October 10, 2005
I can hardly believe I'm sitting here, almost ready to leave for Europe, and embark on a 10 day cruise from Barcelona, Spain to Rome, Italy! Wow, how this surgery has changed my life! It feels so good to feel so good! Before surgery, if I would have been invited on a trip like this, I would have said no...because I wouldn't have had the energy to do it, nor the health to endure a 12 hour plus plane ride. Not to mention the embarrassment of pouring myself into a plane seat and being hardly able to move. But, here I am, healthy, and excited to be going on a new adventure!
My weight finally budged this past week, and I'm down to 155. It's a little drop, but I'll take it! Don't know if I'll ever make my goal of 145, but I'm happy, and healthy, and grateful. Even before the loss, though my weight was stalled, I must have been losing, for I was often getting comments that I looked like I was losing more weight.
I feel great these days. All my clothes for the cruise are size 8 and 10s, depending on the maker! Gosh, so hard for me to believe. And, my smaller clothes sure take up alot less room in a suitcase! ;-)
Life is good, and I am blessed. I hope it is the same for you!
October 25, 2005
Got back Sunday night from my trip. I had an amazing time! Flew to Barcelona, stayed the night, then left on a 10 day cruise. Visited ports in Spain, France, and Italy. I did so much walking and sightseeing. I can't begin to tell you how good it felt! I could walk and walk for hours, and it didn't phase me. It was fun dressing up for dinner in my size 8-10 dresses. I felt so good! Everyday I thanked God I felt so good! Celebrated my 48th birthday on the cruise. Again, I said a prayer of thanks for my health. Now just have a bad case of jetlag!
I can't believe I didn't gain a pound while on the cruise. It was scary, I felt like I ate and ate and ate. It was sad to see how easily old habits came back. I was shocked I didn't gain...but I think that was because of all the exercise I got. I'll be honest, it scared me. It's back to basics again. I haven't come this far to screw it all up. It's rough to see how easily old habits can come back to haunt you.
This year has made me realize how lucky I am, and what a good life I have. I have taken two amazing trips this year, and seen and done some amazing things that I would have never dreamt of being able to do before. I told my Mom if I died tomorrow, I'd be so grateful for this past year of good health. It just feels good to be getting out there and doing things. I look back, and I can't believe how much of life I just let pass me by because I was sick. I just physically wasn't able to participate. Now that I can, I just can't get enough.
Thanks for stopping by, and I hope all is going well in your lives.
Me in Italy, October, 2005
November 19, 2005
Well, I'm back on track with my eating, and have dropped a few more pounds. After the cruise, I was used to eating bigger meals, and allowed myself to eat things I hadn't since surgery. Boy, was that a mistake. Those bad habits came back with a vengeance. Very scary. But, I had a long talk with myself, and reminded myself of where I came from, and how much I've been through..and I'll be damned if I'm going to let food ruin my life again. I feel so good now, and finally am liking how I look, and why the hell would I want to screw that up? Anyway, like I said, I'm back on track. I'd be lying though if I didn't say it was mind boggling how quickly those bad habits reared their ugly heads.
Had been really down in the dumps....lonely. Miss Brent like crazy, and just wasn't getting out. I think the time change played a part in this..I'd get home from work, and it'd be dark, and I was becoming a couch potatoe. I've written previously that I thought once I lost weight, my social life would pick up. Again, that's not why I did this, but thought it would be a nice perk. Well, it didn't at all....but then again, I wasn't doing anything to help. So....I got real brave...and joined eHarmony. Please keep in mind, I haven't had a real date and a normal relationship in over 28 years...and, I married the first guy I ever dated, and have been divorced over 25years. Talk about scary!
Well, got a few matches right away...you answer questions back and forth, and it felt safe. With one guy, everything just seemed to go fast and click. We seemed to have alot in common. So, we emailed each other, and met Sunday at a Starbucks. God, was I scared. That fear of rejection was right there. I thought for sure when he saw me, he'd run. Well, he didn't! And, it was so nice. We had a great time...talked non stop. After the first few minutes, I relaxed..and it was wonderful. Well, he called me a few times after that...and Thursday, I went on my first actual date! Again, I swear, right before hand, I thought I was going to throw up...I was so nervous....but it was wonderful. He's a very nice guy, and we have so much in common. We had a great time. And, you know what? I think he likes me...LOL. Who'd have thought that someone would actually be attracted to me? Not me....how sad is that?? So, I don't care if it doesn't turn into love, but it just feels so darned good to have someone want to be with me, and enjoy my company. He's polite, well educated, etc. If nothing comes of this, it has truly been a good first dating experience for me. I realize this is something I can do! I would have never had the strength to do this before surgery. Again, it's another gift I have been blessed with. Getting that self esteem back is going to take some doing...but I'm working on it...and I know I can do this. This week has been an incredible WOW moment for me!
I have had a grin on my face this whole week....and it feels wonderful.
Thanks for stopping by!
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Surgeon: Kelly Francis, MD
I had attended the "Doctor talk" given by Dr. Francis months before my surgery. I was impressed with her knowledge, yet she also had a great sense of humor. I met her personally the day before my surgery. She explained everything to me, including possible risks. I felt well prepared going into surgery. My Mom was present for my pre-op appointment, and Dr. Francis made her feel so much better about the surgery. I knew I was in good hands. I would highly recommend Dr. Francis to anyone. Since surgery, I have dealt with Ashley, the PAC several times. I have found her to be very helpful and knowledgeable. She always go straight to one of the Drs if she feels it necessary. I have felt like I am in good hands throughout my immediate post op and follow up visits.