ObesityHelp

I am a single mother of 3 grown boys. They are all behind me as is the rest of my family. I am very lucky to have such support. I am still scared. More scared of handling the surgery and recovery than the eating habits that have to change. I am looking forward to it though.

March 19, 2003
19 days until my surgery. I am getting very anxious. I want to start upon the weight loss part of this journey. I also want the surgery part to be over with because I also want all the pain to be over with. I have to admit that I am somewhat of a wimp about pain. I am looking forward to a much better, thinner life.

March 24, 2003
I had my pre-op tests today. Everything went well. The lady that did my EKG had surgery with Dr. King 9 months ago. She looks great. Somehow I thought that you would be able to tell that someone had "the surgery" but I couldn't she looked and acted like she was thin all her life. I can't wait to get there. She said that it is pretty tough at first but it is worth it. I certainly hope so! Two weeks and that's it!

March 30, 2003
Just one week and a wake-up to go. I am getting so excited. I am trying to keep my perspective. I know when I come home I am not going to be a thin person. Actually, the slower I lose, the better for my skin. I would hope that I don't need reconstructive surgery. (I am not counting on it though). Oh well, I will deal with that when I get to it. Right now I will concentrate on getting through the next week, then the next and so on and so on. Thanks for all the support everyone has shown me.

April 6, 2003
Well here we are just one day until my surgery. I can't wait to start losing but I so want to be over the pain. I am keeping my spirits up by telling myself that the pain won't be that bad. I hope and pray everything goes well tomorrow. I will keep everyone in my prayers that is going through this this week. Good luck to all.

April 11, 2003
I am not post-op. I had my surgery Monday, April 7 with no complications. My recovery was really no problem. I tried to do everything that they told me to do because I was determined to have a great recovery. They were more than nice and great. They never thought anything I wanted or needed was too much or any problem. When I went for my upper-GI to see if my pouch was leaking I mentioned that I didn't like to lay down they accomodated me without a problem and did it standing up.

The only problem I encountered was when it was time to leave. After all the time that I had been there, with no problems and anything else, when it came time to leave, they were short handed and were having problems with another patient and it was forever before my nurse had time to do what was necessary to release me. Then, when she finally released me, they could not find a large wheel chair to take me out of the hospital. They wound up using the reliner (which thankfully was on wheels) to wheel me out! It took till after 10pm to get me released! I really kinds thought it was funny after how great my stay was!

April 13, 2003
Now that I am home, I can't believe how good I feel. I mean, I am not ready for any marathon and I still have some nausea but nothing that I can't handle. I am able to tolerate the pain with only tylenol, arthritis strenth. I am just starting to get the liquid diet down so I will comment more on that later. Right not I am glad about how things have gone. Thanks to everyone who gave me their prayers and support. Both were greatly appreaciated.
Everything went great. As far as I can tell everything is on track. I did have little trouble with the Carnation Instant Breakfast drink on Friday. It is real thick and I have a problem with mucous drainage. Friday night I had an episode where some drainage made me choke. It hurt real bad to choke like that. I switched to the Designer Whey Protein drink from GNC. That is a pre-made drink that is more juice based even though it is made with whey (which is milk) protein. Each bottle is 16 oz - but is also 40g of protein so I only have to have half at a time. I haven't had any trouble since then. I find I like having broth as some of my liquids between meals. It tastes like food. I also like the sugar free popsicles alot. And I like water alot. I just want to get more walking in and that is my goal for this week.

June 7, 2003

I am now 2 months post-op. I have lost 60 pounds. I am happy with my weight loss but I am unhappy that my knees are not feeling better yet. My surgeon told me it will probable be about 100 pounds before I felt any relief in my knees, but I am very impatient. As for everything else. I feel great. I can eat pretty much anything, only by following directions and starting with protein and trying to get between 50 and 60 gr of protein a day, and drinking enough water, it doesn't leave much room or time for anything else. I find I feel great and have more energy than my knees will let me do. Also, I find that I am getting some mood swings. Little things can set me off, but it usually blows over quickly. Would I do it again, yes. Still like I said I am impatient and cannot wait for the 100 lb. mark!

July 5, 2003

As of Monday I will be three months out. Most of the time I feel great. I am losing and that is the important thing. I have made my first goal and that was to be 300 as of three months. I am now about 298! I have a lot more energy but the arthritis in my knees is still bothering me. I think it is a little better but it does still bother me. Last night I had my first experience with dumping. It was really my own fault but now at least I know I never want to experience that again! Since I have had this surgery, I have been careful not to have too much sugar or too much fat. I have not wanted to experience dumping. (or to find out that I didn't dump!) Anyway, I made home-made baked beans for the fourth of July. When it came time for dinner I was thinking that they would be okay to eat bacause beans have protein. I completely forgot about the bacon fat and the brown sugar that was in them. Well the combination was fatal! I was sick for about an hour. I think it would have been shorter if I had thrown up but I didn't. At least I know never to do that again! The beans are something we don't have often so I don't think I will miss them!

August 1, 2003
I know I don't come here too often to update my profile. I don't normally feel like I have anything to say. Today, though, I feel a little differenly. I have some feelings that I think I just need to put down somewhere so it might as well be here. As of August 7, 2003, I will be 4 months post-op and I have lost 90 lbs. I know that is great. I feel great and I am glad that I have lost that weight. I just want to make sure that I don't gain it back and that I continue to lose. Sometimes it feels like I eat too much. Most days I stay under 1000 calories, but sometime right near 1000 and occassionally over 1000 calorie (like 1100). I read where other people say that they only eat like 600 calories and I start to think that I am eating way too much. It is usually protein calories, every once in a while I eat some carbs but I try to make it very rarely. I try to make sure I get no less than 50 grams of protein a day and usually 60. I know that this is important for my continued health. I usually drink one protein drink a day, usually for breakfast. The last 2 days, though I have been out and have not been able to get to GNC to get some more, so I think maybe I feel like I have been eating too much trying to get my protein in. If someone read this, I am really just trying to sort out my thoughts. I don't think I have lost too much in the last week and I am trying not to be paranoid but I am a little bit tired to day, and I ate some cheetohs last night and I think I am obsessing about reverting to old ways. I realize this is a learning process and I am still in the learning stages, but I get frightened. Well enough for now.

August 20, 2003
I think I am having that "head hunger" everyone keeps talking about. I find myself wanting to eat. But I don't really think I am hungry. I just want to eat. I think it is because I am either bored or a little depressed. I know I am writing this where no-one will see it because I feel ashamed to have these feelings. I know, comparatively, I did not have to spend alot of money on my surgery, but I still had to pay what I consider quite a bit and I did have to go through the surgery and recovery period and I will hate myself for the rest of my life if I don't succeed because I give into head hunger. If I stick it out for a little while I know it will go away. The biggest problem is there isn't anything here at work that I could get that would be good. There is a deli downstairs but they don't sell anything at this time of day that would be good. I usually have a protein drink for breakfast and that usually is enough. For some reason today I want a bagel or an english muffin. Normally I wouldn't even crave this sort of thing. I think it is because everyone else is eating them for breakfast. I was looking at myself today. I have lost almost 100 lbs. It has not even been 5 months yet. That is great and I am so happy that I have lost that weight, but then I get so mad at myself. I am within 2 lbs of losing that 100 lbs and I can't seem to do it. I have been sick for the past couple of days and so I haven't been exercising. I am getting back to that today. I also know I am going to have alot of lose skin and this scares the living daylights out of me. I am scared of plastic surgery but I am afraid if I choose not to have it, I will never look like I lost as much weight as I have. I still have another 100 lbs I want to lose so I know I have a while before I even consider plastic surgery. Sometimes I think I have too much time to think. Maybe today I when I get home from work I will go to the store and get something to do with my hands so that I will be busy all the time. If I am doing something with my hands, I can't eat.

Septembe 29, 2003
I have not updated in awhile. I have continued to lose, although it seems slower now than it was before. I will be 6 months post-op on October 7, 2003. I will go for a checkup with my surgeon and my dietician on that day. I am hoping to lose another 5 lbs before than so that I can be 120 lbs down. That leaves me a minimum of 50 lbs I want to lose and preferably 80 lbs. I have had cramps in my toes and they do feel a little numb. I have heard people say that it can be low potassium. When I had my 3 month labs done, everything was fine. I will have to remember to ask to doctor when I go on the 7th. I could exercise more, but I try to get 3x a week in. I ride my stationary bike for 20 minutes. I was lifting some weights also, but during the hurricane, when I had to was dishes by hand, I cut my hand on a broken glass and can't lift right now. Hopefully next week I will be able to lift again. Well that is all for now. I will try to remember to update after my dr. appointment next week.

October 7, 2003
Today is my six month anniversary. I went today for a checkup with my surgeon. Everything is going great. The only thing that I can call a complication is some cramping in my feet. My doctor is going to check all my vitamin and mineral levels to make sure nothing is wrong there. The best news is that I lost 120 lbs. That is just amazing to me. This is the best thing I could have done for myself and my family. Thanks to everyone on this board for their support. I read every day and what you guys have to say really means something. It let me know that I am not the only one experiencing things. I don't post very often but I just wanted to let you know how I was doing and say thanks.

November 20, 2003
I haven't posted to my profile in a while. I have lost a total of 130 lbs. It seems things have slowed down since 6 mos. I feel that things have slowed down, but also I have been eating more carbs than I normally do. I am trying to get back on track. Also, for the first time I am feeling hungry. I think this is what they call "head hunger" because if I sit and say to myself, are you really feeling hungry? You shouldn't be, most of the time it goes away. It is a little scary. Some times I feel like I am eating too much, but then when I analyze what I am eating I realize it really isn't much, just more than when I was just out of surgery.

April 19, 2004
I knew it had been awhile since I updated, but I didn't realize how long! I am still losing and I am so glad. I am within 20 lbs of my goal, although I don't think I would mind if I lost a little more. This past weekend my son and I painted the three bedrooms in my house. Right before surgery, my son painted my living room. I tried to help and didn't even get one door painted. This time I helped with all three rooms. It was amazing. That is why I had this surgery! Things just keep getting better.

I have been posting to the over 50 board lately and they are a group of amazing people. They ask questions every day. The questions they ask are alot of fun and most times introspective. They are really making me look at myself. Mostly, I like what I am seeing. Even if I didn't lose any more weight, I would consider the surgery a success, it has given me back to myself. I have some regrets from this time, but none of it has to do with the surgery. It is mostly personal. I have a very close family and we always enjoy being together. During the time I have been bettering myself, 2 of my sisters have been having a very hard time. One sister had a type of skin cancer - only of the rectum. It re-occured. They think they got it all but not without a toll on her spirit and outlook. She lives in Charleston and used to drive up here to Virginia to see us at the drop of a hat. (She doesn't work, we do.) Now she doesn't drive at all anymore. It really makes me depressed to think about it. Most of it seems to come from her. She won't push herself to get better. If she is in a little bit of pain, she takes medication until it hard to talk to her. I had another sister, who lived here in Virginia - about 5 minutes from me. During the time my oldest sister is going through all this, and a week after I started my weight loss journey, Anne Marie, my second oldest sister, was diagnosed with peritoneal cancer. That is pretty much the same as ovarian cancer - only it starts in the lining of the stomach. She went on chemo and I kept thinking that things will be okay. On the day I had my leak test, Anne Marie had her test to see if they had gotten the cancer. My leak test came out great - but she not only still had cancer - it had grown while she was on chemo. To make an alread long story short, she died this last January. She was not only my sister, but my best friend. She was my greatest support though all this. I miss her so bad. I want to share everything with her and she isn't there!

I think that is all I can do for now. This has been very cathartic for me to finally put into words something of what I have been feeling for the past 1-1/2 years!

September 7, 2004
Again, longer between profile updates than I planned. I have lost another 10lbs or so since the last update. Ever since I hit my one year anniversary, things have seemed to slow down. I am still losing, but very slowly. I can eat just about anything I want. If I eat some carbs, then I can still maintain, but I don't lose. I have been experimenting with more foods lately, so I think that has something to do with my slower weight loss. Everything seems to be going along fine. I haven't had any problems and I consider myself to be very fortunate. I would like to lose another 10lbs. I would also like to go down another pant size. I will have to see - if I don't lose another pants size when I lose another 10lbs - then I might have to try for more than 10.

April 8, 2005
It has been a long time since I updated my profile. Now because I don't come to this site anymore - I just am not good about writing about myself. I have been doing great since my surgery. I have lost 190 lbs and would still like to lose another 10 - but I am very happy where I am. I am planning on getting a tummy tuck and I am looking into it at this time. I will see about anything else as time goes by - and I see how recovery from this surgery is.

May 10, 2005
I know I don't come here enough and update my profile. I am not good a writing. I did think I should update at this time. I am about to take another step in my WLS journey. I am going to have abdominplasty. That is I am going to have the hanging skin removed from my stomach and abdomen. It will be done June 17. In-and-out surgery at the dr. office! I will only be out of work a week! Amazing! I know I have other issues with hanging skin, but they don't bother me as much as this does. I will re-evaluate those other issues after I see how I tolerate this surgery. (And save more money!)