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T T.
Bronx, NY, USA
Post Op - BMI: 55.2
Surgery Type: RNY
Member ID: T1078936848

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Click Play To Hear "Beautiful"


10-29-03~
I know that I've been here before, and stated that the WLS isn't for me..however times have changed, and from last year I'm not better this year which sucks *sigh* However I'm doing my research again, BUT I am leaving my options open. I admit that I am scared to death (no pun intended) thinking about this for the 2nd time around, but I know it's something, I need to do for me. I just turned 28 years old this month, and my health isn't getting any better, and there are things that I want to do. I admit that, I allow my weight to hold me back from the things, I really want to do in this life time, and we all must admit that this isn't a fat friendly word. AND, I would just like to improve my health!! That is my biggest concern is my health, I want to be around for a long long long time to come, and I won't be able to do that weighing 425 pounds @ least that is how much, I think that I weigh. I'm so ready for a change!!! So I'm doing all the research I can BEFORE I finally decide what I am going to do. I decided to read others profiles, and just see what their opinions are. SO HERE I AM ON THE JOURNEY...Its going to be a long one...but a long one indeed *smile*



10-31-03~
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!
Well...Last night I did something that I haven't done in along time, I looked @ myself naked. And I wonder how did, I get this big? Where did it begin? I have several reasons...and I know that I've done a lot of emotional eating, and it's very frustrating to look @ my body, and see what I've done. Not for vanity, but for health reasons. I look @ my body and I see a person who will not be around long if, I don't do aomething now. Thinking that way has usually ended up with me depressed, and eating more trying to stuff the pain. However~I'm still undecided about the WLS, and I pray to GOd to lead me to the path that is best for me. I look around @ the members profiles, and thanks to the message board, I am able to ask questions that I have been on my mind. I worry about so much, but two days ago, I was 25 % sure that I wante to have the WLS, and Today here I sit and I'm 40% sure. NOW~Once, I get 100% sure then, we are off to a new place. I still have yet to get in touch with the doctor that I want to perform it, but I'm working up the courage. All, I ask for are prayers to make the decesion that will be best for me!! HAPPY HALLOWEEN :-)



11-03-03~
I still haven't decided what I am goingt od o, but I must admit that this site has been a big help, and so have the people on the message board. It's been wonderful a wonderful feeling to know that, I am not alone. However, I did come across a profile that disturbed me yesterday, I won't say the name, but the person acted as though since they reached their goal weight that they were better than other fat people that they saw. That disturbed because, I feel a sthought that, we should respect another obese person regardless if one has lost the weight, or not. I made a vow that IF i decide to have the WLS, I wouldn't act as though I was better than the next person because they were still fat!! How sad!! I wrote Dr.Goodman an E-mail...I got his E-mail addy from this site, I haven't heard anything back yet, but I am being patient because I have so much more, I want to learn about this WLS...so I can be patient and coutine to learn, and educate myself *smile* I would like to thank those of you that take the time out to answer some of my questions...I really apperciate it!!!



11-03-03~
Okay the strangest thing just happened, I was laying in my bed writing in my journal asking GOD to lead me a decesion, I had to make. I come back to the computer, I check my E-mail and there's a note from Dr.Goodman asking me certain information. I E-mailed him days go...I wonder could tis be a sign, I dunno? Or perhaps, I want it to become one? I dunno, but~we'll see what happens *smile*



11-04-03~
I feel very frustrated right now!! The doctor that I wanted to have a consult with wrote me back, and told me that they aren't taking straight mediciad anymore after 12-1-03, and that I would have to switch to a certain HMO to see him. Now that is not something that I want to do, and I want so badly to cry because, I REALLY wanted to see him!! Yet~I won't be able to....I do NOT know what to do...because, I don't think it is possible just to switch to this HMO for this, and switch back once I'm done *sigh* because, i know there will be check-up's and things of that nature I'll need to do with him. Ohh~maybe this a sign...I DO NOT KNOW....*BIG SIGH* Doesn't look like it's going to be a good day @ all!!!



Well, I seen a live broadcast of the laparoscopy
Roux-n-y and I thought that it would freak me out, but it didn't. However~it was interesting!! I am closer to making a decesion @ least I think because, I look @ myself in the mirror, and I feel disgusted by what, I see. I look, and think that there has to be something better out there for it's TOO MUCH LIVING THIS WAY! It has really gotten way to much!! I can't stand this much longer. Hopefully if this is for me, God will steer me in this direction.



1-1-04
I know it has been a moment since, I last updated my profile, but I figure I would give myself some time off due to the holiday season. I didn't want to be down during the holiday season although, I visited the message board everyday. I a, very thankful for the message board, and the post-ops because coming to this site is like walking into arms knowing that someone cares...a big giant hug is the only way to describe it. I always felt like walking the road to obesity, I walked alone, but now it's nice to know that there are people out there that care. Yes, they might be strangers, but they understand what I am going through, and that makes so much more of a difference. Now, due to the fact that I am considering WLS, I admit that I have been a bit emotional, and I have been doing a lot of emotional eating, and I know that I have gained *sigh* That has been my downfall. However, I am more conscience of what I am doing when it comes to my comfort food eating. I am still researching, and I have read the doctors guide to WLS. However, I have noticed that the public library doesn't carry many books from Carnie Wilson, or the others that have written about WLS. But~I have noticed that there are many diet books...that boggles my mind. However, I already know that the diet industy is a multimillion dollar industry, I was watching Dr.Phil weight loss program more out of curisoity, and I started to read his book until, I realized that his program was reall no diffferent. ALTHOUGH, He did ask a question that made me think WHY AM I FAT. I came back with soooo many reasons as to why, I am fact. I believe that gentics does play a part because, both of my parents are heavy, and my relatives, but I also notice that I gained a food addiction as, I grew older. Food has become many things for me, and a way for me to stuff my feelings down. It's 2004 now, and I know I need to either shit or get up off the potty. I feel like my decesion is leaning more towards the WLS, but going into it, I want to make sure it's a decision that I won't regret, and understand fully. I also want to make sure that I have the support of my loved ones....and I know if I do decide to have the WLS there are so many things that I am going to have to let go of. One would be my current boyfriend who happens to love fat women, and wouldn't mind if I got fatter. So BIG BIG decisions that, I have to make....However
HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!

*smoochies*
~T~



1-12-04

Well...I am still @ a cross road, but I do feel like this surgrey might be the thing to save my life. I must admit that I just sick, and tired of being sick and tired. I am tired of thinking that @ any momnet Iwill have a heart attack. It comes to the point that I cry @ times because, I feel like I am just waiting to die, and that is the worse feeling. I wouldn't wish that that feeling on anyone. Today Oprah had a show on gastric bypass, and Randy Jackon has the Fobi pouch done, and he looked GREAT!!! There was a woman on there who was a housewife, and had two young boys, I can't seem to remember, her name. Howevrr, I do remember her crying because, she was mourning her best friend, FOOD. I can see that being me, but now that I think about it, I would much rather MORN FOOD than have my family MOURN me. So many things are going on in my life right now, and I wonder if I am ready for this big decesion. I know that my insurance will cover it, but I want a good doctor. Someone that I know will have a good bedside manner, and pay attention to me as a patient and not someone to just to get more money. I have read so many horror stories on here how the patients are treated afterwards if they don't lose a certan amount of weight that the doctor believes that they should lose. I don't want that to be me. Whne, I walk into this situation, I want to make sure that I am doing it for the RIGHT reasons. I just want to LIVE, I am not ready to DIE. I feel as though that I haven't even done what I want put on this earth to do as of yet. Thursday, I have to go to my cousin's funeral...and that SUCKS... hate funerals!! However, I hope,s he rest in peace because, she didn't deserve to die the way, she did. HOwever until next time

*smoochies*
~T~
NEVER SURRENDER



1-19-04

Well Today is Sunday, and for some reason, I am depressed. I just can't really say why, but I have emotions floating around within that I can't comprehend. I do know that it does have to do with my weight because, I fee like I am just waiting to die, and I have YET to make a decision on what I am going to do. Although, I do believe that I should have the surgery, but there is so much within that I have to deal with. I love the message board because they give me hope that maybe one day, I can be one of them. There was a post yesterday that asked HOW I GOT FAT, and I saw some of the peoples answers. And, I had to give some thought to that. I know the reason, I got morbidly obese 1-being large runs in my family ALTHOUGH, I am the only one that weighs over 400 pounds, and it's disturbing to me to weigh more than my older relatives. 2-I have used food as my emotional comfort. I never could admit to myself that, I was an emotional eater, but now, I see it. I eat emotionally because, I feel unloved, unhappy...I always felt that groiwng up. I let people take advantage of me, and instead of dealing with it, I ate it out. FOOD has become my everything, my friend, my mother, my father, my lover. I no longer want this addiction, but I know that it's also mental. I have been thinking about seeing a therapist because, I don't think, I can deal with this on my own. I no longer want to be obese, I don't want to die because I AM FAT. I want to LIVE, and live long, but I am so scared. REALLY scared. Yet, I know time is jjust fading away from me. I feel the difference in my body daily....I need to make a decesion...
*smoochies*
~T~
NEVER SURRENDER



1-22-04

Okay so it's Thursday afternoon. Yesterday, I went to the doctor, and weighed more than, I would like to @ this point in my life. I know it is because of all the emotional eating, I have been doing *sigh* and besides for the holidays. However, it depressed me, and the fact that my medicine was put up to a higher dosage. I just cried, and cried some more, and it suck because no one REALLY understand how, I feel inside. Again, I was sent to see the thyroid doctor. They have been testing my thyroids every since, I was a little girl. However it makes me soo very very sad, and I wish that I could take a journey far away from ME for a little while. I talked with the doctor about the WLS, and I was honest. I don't think that I am ready mentally and emotionally. I have much to work on with my food issues. So, I asked for a referal to see a therapist. I want to be able to walk into the WLS with my head screwd on right. I know this isn't going to be an easy journey, but what lead me to get this big wasn't easy either *sigh*

*smoochies*
~T~
NEVER SURRENDER



03-01-04
I thought this quiz was cute so, I took it and here are my results....


Your Heart is Red
What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla

Well, yes it has been a while since, I have posted anything. Well, truth be told, I still haven't made a decision, but I know I am getting close. I have to figure out so many things. I want to start seeing a psychologist BEFORE I decide what I am going to do. I know that this will not be easy, and I don't worry about what other people will think. I worry about how, I will feel, and if this is the best thing for me. I know that I have emotions that trigger my emotional eating, and I don't want to make this big decision, and feel sorry for it later. I read so many stories here on obesity.com, and I am soo grateful for this site because., I don't feel alone. That is one of the worst feelings, and I don't have to worry about that. I am grateful for the older post-ops that come back to the message boards, and are so helpful. Those are the ones that hsve a place in my heart.
However. I must admit that when, I read about someone passing due to complications it breaks my heart. I cried for days when, Jade passed away especially after reading the letter, she left for her family. I would like to think that I will be one of the survivors, but I think EVERYONE wants that. No one goes under with the thought of having complications. I am so confused. I pray and ask to be lead to a place which is right for me, and I always end up back here @ obesityhelp.com. Maybe it's a sign? I have no idea yet. I am so confused *deep sigh* The weather is getting warmer, and soon I'll be crying because we;ll have to shed out coats, and jackets, and then I'll feel naked to the world. There will be nothing to hide my gigantic body. I don't want to get down on myself because there's enough ppl waiting in line to do so, but it's hard walking the road of obesity *sigh*
*smoochies*
~T~
NEVER SURRENDER



3-14-04
Well...this is my 2nd profile, but thanks to the copy and paste method, I was able to save all my other information from my profile. It has been a very hectic moment. I am still indesecive, but I must admit coming to this site is really comforting to me. Especially when the people that have had the WLS don't forget where they come from. I have been going through so many things in my life. It's very hard for me right now. There are times when. I do feel alone walking the road to obesity. I have been doing so much emotional eating because of all the things. I am going through in my life. It's very very odd for me to sit here. and admit this because there was a time when. I came to peace with being a big women. Then all the co-morblites started to come along, and let me realize that this is REAL. Also~the way that society treats obese people is totally horrible, and I admit I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy...although, I have none. It's totally unacceptable in my eyes...however~if I do decide to have the WLS...it would totally be for health reasons. And a small for vanity (hey I'm being honest here)
I would LOVE to FEEL better, and look better for MYSELF not anyone else. I pray for assistance from up above to be where, I need to be. And I will continue to pray! However, I am grateful for those that post on their profiles so I am able to read, and answer the questions on the messageboard. It's wonderful!! And, I thank you!

*smoochies*
~T~
NEVER SURRENDER



I took this Quiz....I don't AGREE with it...LOL but it was still fun to take!!!

Forward
What's your sexual appeal?brought to you by Quizilla

3-15-04

Well, I am glad that the weekend is over. I do know that I am so tired of going out and feeling like a freak show. I am also so tired of people whispering to the person that they are with also getting them to stare @ me. It's so disturbing. and people are so frigging cruel. I dont think they understand that regardless of how fat I am...I too am a human being and have feelings. I also dislike the fact that they think just *losing weight* is so friggin easy. If it were would, I be sitting up here contemplating rearranging my digestive tract. This is the biggest decesion. I ever had to make. Just today my sister, brother and I were talking. My brother made a comment about how God made everyone different, and not everyone is supposed to be thin. So when people go around getting liposuction, and the WLS and have all that scars, and flabby skin, he would prefer to be fat. Now my brother is already fat, and a diabetic. However, he doesn't have all the health problems, I have. ALSO he doesn't KNOW I am thinking about having the WLS. However, I admit I have thought about the excess skin, but I think that will be a small price to pay for my HEALTH and SANITY. I think being obese in this soceity can make anyone totally insane. However it's been a long weekend, and I'm going to bed. GOODNIGHT]

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T



03-16-04

Let it snow! Let it snow! Almost spring and we are in the middle of a snow storm. I don't really mind the snow to a certain extent. I admit thtat I am not looking forward to the shedding of the jackets, or the coats yet. However~I must head out in the snow because, I have to return the library books. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!!! I ask God to lead me to an answer soon.
*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



Took this quiz thought it was cute!!

discover what candy you are @ quiz me

3-17-04
HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY!
I hope the luck of the irish is with me today! TO give me strength not to take anything anyone says personal. Last night while watching American Idol. My mother made a comment about Randy Jackson and the fact he has WLS. She said that he didn't really lose the weight the doctor went in and cut him. I didn't say anyhthing, but I felt very sadden by her words. However~last night while, I was taking a shower, I said to myself. I'm not going to really give a damn on what their views are (my mother and my brother) on WLS because I've lived in this body 28 years, and they have no idea what it is like. So I kbow that my sister is on my side, and I have this site along with God. That is what I will trust in!!!
*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



you smell like butt
congratulations. you are the "you smell like
butt" bunny. your brutally honest and
always say whats on your mind.
which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


3-18-04
Well...I just love these lil quizzes. I finally realized that if I do decide to have the WLS I'm going to need a steady income. So I am looking into what I can do about that. However it's not easy being obese in this society because no one will hire you based solely on what you look like. It's so very very sad, and it makes me not want to try solely because of it. For people not to like you, or give you a chance because of what you weigh is so sad. I think bout all the things, I missed out being obese and it makes me so very very sad. I always try to be optomistic on the things that happen as if tomorrow will be a better day. I have to have that in order to make it I believe. However~I need something real, and that is income in order to take care of my personal needs. It's going to be a long jounrey, and I hope I make it through on top!!
*smoochies*
NEVER SURRENDER
~T~


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!





Monday June 27, 2005

Wow!! It's been such a long time since, I have posted here. However I have some deep soul searchin, and I believe that the surgery might be for me. I have prayed on it and prayed some more, and although I haven't updated my profile in a long time, I visit Obesituhelp,com everyday. I am addicted to the photos, and the message boards. Last week I went to an information seminar @ St.Luke's Roosevelt hospital. It was very informative! Since, I have decided that this is an otion for me, I want Dr.Teixeria to perform it. I have E-mailed many of his patients and they have nothing to say, but great things about him. Also, he's the head doctor @ St. Lukes so I feel comfortable with that decision. I have a physical the 8th of July, so we will see what happens then. I sincerely hope that I am making the right decision. I pray and I pray!!!




Saturday July 23, 2005
Well,...Yesterday, I went for my physical with Dr.Teixeira yesterday, but the Nurse, Vickie end up doing it. The Nurse is soooo nice!! I like her, and she kept me smiling and laughing. Even when, I had to lift up my shirt to show my belly, she made me feel comfortable. I didn't feel uncomfortable @ all maybe because, I know that I am not the only fat chick that they have ever seen. My weight is still in the same range...A little more than it is on this profile. The day before, I went to see Dr. T I went to my PCP, and she had to increase my medication, and that made me feel upset. However perhaps that is a sign that this WLS is for me. I told her, that I was going to have it and past thinking, she was so excited for me. She said that if there was anything, she could do to help me, to just let her know! While waiting for my name to be called there was a patient of Dr.T;s who was 2 months post-op and she said that she has no regrets and wish she would have done it sooner. However, she said that she wasn't following the doctor's rules @ first but~she learned her lesson and has jumped backed on the wagon. She seems like a nice girl. Then there was another girl there who had it done last week. So far so good with her. I just pray that I can be one of the ones that can actually say, I don't regret this! I don't expect this to be a miracle cure. I know better!! I don't want to look like a super model. I want to be HEALTHY and my goal weight is 200 pounds. Yes, I would still be obese, but I wouldn't be Super MORBIDLY OBESE!! I not have to scheldue appointments for
Bloodwork
Stress Echo
endoscopy
abdominal ultrasound
pscholocial assessment
Medical clearance.
I don't think any of it should be a problem because my doctor will help me!! I am excited and scared all @ the same time!!! OH!! I have to lose 20 pounds...YIKES!!!!





Wednesday October 26, 2005
Well, Today I went for my Echo test. And in doing that, I found out that, I have to have a holter monitor, and stress test. I have had the holter monitor before back in 2002, so I am not scared about that! HOWEVER I did encounter fat predjuice today! Pissed me off. The technician made a comment..ONE, I was rather uncomfortable because when, he handed me he had a smirk on his face, and that made me feel..strange. So while, I am laying on the table, he says to my sister who are you? She said I'm her sister, and he says to her, well what are you doing to help her with her weight! I was speechless, and in my head, I said HERE WE GO!! I believe my sister was speechless also because, she didn't answer him, and he said to me well okay I'll ask you! And he asked me. I said well, that's why I am here because, I want the gastric bypass. He said ah, I see well, I think that is the easy way out. I said well that is your opinion, he patted my hands and said I knew you would say that! I sighed, he said I know you would curse me out I can handle it, and proceeded to say that he knows it's not easy. I was horrified! One!! I don't understand why, he couldn't just do what he gets paid to do..and NOT give me advice as if, he's Dr.Phil! It really pisses me off that people think that CUTTING your digestive tract is the "easy way out". He doesn't know me, or ANYTHING about me! It took me YEARS to actually say YES to this!! I have cried, I have prayed, and ask for guidance from my God. I think it's RUDE when a person thinks that they can comment on your weight EVEN if they are in the medcial field! DPn't they know that, we as fat people have feelings also!! However~I kept my cool which was cool because under any other circumstanes I would have wanted to cuss him out!!!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~






Monday Novemeber 7, 2005

Well, I have the holter monitor! I must admit that it's rather annoying walking around with it, and on top of that I can't take a shower. It's enough to drive me insane!I am so lucky though because I know that I haven't been doing what I should do with the 20 pounds, I need to lose. I also received my appointment for the endoscopsy (sp ch) today and that is January 19, 2006. At first I was rather upset, but then it dawned on me. Maybe this is a blessing because I can REALLY get on the good foot. Today my sister and I excerised to sweating to the oldies by Richard SImmons. After I was done, I felt good because I accomplished something that I wanted to. Iw as proud of myself. I am going through such a process within myself, I don't like where I've lead myself. I don't like the fact that I weigh more than anyone in my family has ever weighed. I don't like what I've done to my body! It's hard for me to deal with. I am not sure if the WLS is the "perfect solution" for me, but my truth is I think, I really want to find out. I am scared on so many parts! Today while getting the holter monitor hooked-up after the nurse was finished, I got down from the table, and the whole table tipped over. I was embarrassed the nurse was very nice, and didn't even flinch when it happened, but it did bother me. Then later on, I watched the Tyra Banks show and how she was affected by wearing a fat suit...she was soo emotional, and I wasn't MOVED @ all! The reason being she can take hers off, and she doesn't have any of the problems that we WE has the morbidly obese face!!! *sigh*

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~





Thursday November 17, 2005

Tuesday Novemver 15, I had the stress test. It was hard, I really didn't think it would be that hard. I decided to walk the treadmill than to do the chemical test. I thought that I would pass out literally walking on the treadmill, but I PASSED..wooooohooooo!!! Yes, I pushed myself beyond my limit...it was hard, but I did it. Also the technician and the Cardiologist were so very nice. They made me feel so very very comfortable, so big ups to Dr. Michael Huber and his staff!! I wass also very sad to hear about the passing of Jesscia O! It broke my heart to read the news of her death! I pray that she rest in peace and her fa mily and close friends keep her alive in memory and prayer!!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



Tuesday December 13, 2005

Today I went for my ultrasound, and to give blood. Which turned out to be rather interesting because the girl that took the blood is a WLS post-opt patient, and she looks wonderful. However, she said that she only weighed 250 when, she had her, and she got down to 115lbs. Now, she gaining weight back, she said, but she said she feels good @ the weight she is, and on top of that she looks nice. She said that she was trying o looking into cosmetic surgery which I wish her luck with. I am excited, and nervous, all @ the same time. I just anxiously await the day, I can say
I HAVE A SURGERY DATE!!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER
~T~








Saturday January 7, 2006

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!
Wow, I can't believe that it's a new year, and I am so ready to go ahead with this surgery. I feel like it's the only thing that will save me from being trapped by my super morbid obesity. I wish there was a way that, I can have it tomorrow because, I am sick of being trapped by my SMO. There are some days when, I cry because the pain that is being put on my body from the SMO is heartbreaking. I also feel guilty for needing surgery to control my weight. I know that there are people out there that don't need surgery. They are able to take the weight off, and keep it off, I am not one of them, and it breaks my heart to say that. I feel guilty because, I've allowed myself to be trapped. Although there are many studies that have been doing calling obesity a disease, I am not naive!! I know that I had a lot to do with the way, I am right now also. Yes, I do believe genetics play a strong role because there are large people on both of parents side. However depression has played a role also. So I know that there's a lot that I have done to myself. There are many moments of the day, I just sit and think about how, I've let my obesity stop me from completing things, I want to in my life. Although, I desire the surgery now, I know that there are other aspects of my life that, I need to work on also. I don't expect the surgery to clear away all my problems, but~I do know that I won't have to worry about my health, nor will I have to worry about fitting into certain seats, and I do believe that it will help me with my confidence. People that have never been obese will never know how hard this decision has been for me. I have struggled with trying to decide if, I want to have this surgery since 2001. I have been on and off. I have FINALLY decided that, I want it, and I refuse to allow anyone to change my mind. I don't expect everyone to agree with my decision, BUT I expect everyone to respect my decision because in the end it's MINE! I know that there are many complications, but I feel a lot of complications from my obesity, and as, I walk this lonely road, I walk it alone. I've had many challenges that has brought me to this road of wanting to have the surgery, and I am READY!! There are a few things, I must do because over the holiday, I know that I have gained even more weight because, I feel it in my body. However, my sister has told me that she's willing to help me try and cut back, and get back to the sweatin to the oldies, and cabbage soup. But, I decided to make the cabbage soup not so boring to put some chicken in it to add protein. Well, we will see what happens. It wasn't easy to get to the road of saying YES, I want the surgery, so I assume that this road will not be easy to travel, but I know in the long run it will be worth it. I am worth it!! HAPPY NEW TO EVERYONE!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~




Monday January 23, 2006

Today I went for my endoscopy, and it was just horrible experience. I don't want to go through that again ever in my life if, I can help. The doctor's office, and her staff were very nice, and helpful. I had to use two gowns to cover me, but they were roomy and, I felt comfortable. I thought that I was going to be sedated, but unfortunately it didn't seem that way. I was awake during the whole process. And as I sit here typing this, I am still very much alert. I am just glad that it is over because, I thought that I would go insane waiting for this day to be over with. My sister received hers in October, and she said that she was knocked out. I don't know what doctor did hers...but I felt everything! I was crying as they were doing it because, I never felt anything like it before in all my days. Now, if anyone who hasn't had one yet comes across this, I don't mean to frightened you! Remember everyone experience is different!! I also received the results while there, and everything is NORMAL! YaY!! Hallelujah!! Now all, I have to do is get clearance from my PCP which is going to the easiest thing because, she has helped me so much with this, and attend two support group meetings!! The more, I think about it the more excited, I get!!
*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~




Thursday February 9, 2006

Well, Today I went to my first support group meeting. It wasn't what, I expected it to be. However there was a gentlemen there that weighed 400 pounds, and now, he weighs 225. As, I stared @ him, I couldn't imagine him being 400 pounds. The guest speaker tonight was a plastic surgeon. He looked rather young, and has been performing plastic surgery for 2 years. There were two women who had the WLS in December, and they look good, but one only weighed 204 before she had the WLS. I don't mean anyone that is smaller than me any harm, but even @ the support group meeting, I felt like the biggest one in the room. Although there were people there that were large...they weren't as big as, I am. I felt out of place @ a support group meeting. There were several people there that, I would question WHY would they consider having the WLS. I don't want to stand in judgment of others because, I realize that everyone has their own journey to take, but, I do believe that there are some that do this for vanity. I wish, I had that option because this was the hardest decision, I ever had to make! I envy the people that do this as a vanity option, and not because it's something that will save my life. I am scared of failing, and of not trying. There are some days when, I can literally feel myself thinner thinking of having the surgery. I am nervous about the excess skin. I know that most likely, I will have to have the skin from my belly removed. But everything else, I know that, I will not be able to afford. I am not worried about anything else. However, I do question if, I were fuel to the fire in the body image category. I really don't know as, I will have to walk the line in order to REALLY know. I am just grateful for this site, and the many people that have been kind enough to write to me, and let me know that I am not alone! The next support group is the 23rd...so until then...

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



Thursday February 23. 2006

Before, I update, I want to say that I have been getting E-mails from people smaller than me wanting to know why should they wait until they are almost 500 pounds before they get the weight loss surgery. I didn't mean to offended anyone with what, I wrote, but those are MY feelings, and I refuse to apologize for what, I wrote. I didn't and will not say that people smaller than me shouldn't have the WLS because, I believe with EVERYONE choosing to have the WLS is a very personal decision. I believe it takes a lot of courage to choose this route. I was expressing how having smaller people in my support group made ME feel! I believe that ALL and EVERYONE should be entitled to do what they want with their bodies!! Now with that being said.
Well, today, I went to my second support group meeting. This one was much better. I felt comfortable, and there were actually people my size there which helps because, I don't feel so alone, and have that feeling of being the largest one in the room. Also there also were post-ops there. One woman was a year and a half out, another 3 months, and another one a month. They all gave good advice which helps. We each had to introduce ourselves, and say if, we were post/pre opt. I like Aisling because, she seems to be understanding of the things that obese people go through. Monday after, I get medical clearance, I should be able to get another appointment to see Dr.Tex and be on my way! God willing!
I know that, I have gained weight, I Just don't know how much, but I hope it's not enough to make him refuse me. But I will pray on it and see what happens. Thank you to those that take the time to write me, and let me know that I am not alone, I really do appreciate it!!
*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



Friday March 17, 2006
HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

Well, I have been going through the process for the last couple of days. First of all my sister had her surgery and everything seemed to go okay. She got the lap band, and although she was in pain for a few days, she seems to be fine now. Getting in her full 4 ounces..although SLOWLY. I am happy and proud of her. Also @ the same time, I am a little jealous because, I want mines to be over and done with, so, I can start the process of healing. It took me a while to get here, so I have to patients. I am nervous because this coming Tuesday, I go to see Dr. Tex for my 2nd consult. I am NERVOUS because, I know that I didn't lose any weight.
Also, I believe that there's a chance that Dr, Tex will reject me as a patient because, I didn't. I am hoping now. My sister implied that I will prolly just be put on a liquid diet. I will rather have that than lose Dr.Tex as a doctor. I know he's one of the best in his field, I have talked to several of his patients, and they say nothing, but good things about him. So, I just have to wait and see.
The book, I currently finished which is called
"Conversations With The Fat Girl" by Liza Palmer was a delightful book. Truthfully it could be made into a movie of the week for lifetime. However, one of the characters in the book Olivia whom had gastric bypass seems to forget where, she came from. She treats her friend whom is still fat like, she's nonexistent. And, this got me thinking. I know that there are many people out there once they lose the weight they seem to forget that they were once heavy people.
Those people disturb me the most because they walked the road of obesity, and then to treat others the way they hated to be treated...disturbs me greatly. I know there are many things one can never say they will never do. However as, I sit here and type this as a morbidly obese person, I will NEVER ever forget the road I've been on. I've been obese for 30 years..all my entire life, and I know the pain, I wouldn't want to put that on another being.
In that sense of being obese, I am thankful for my road. I have learned tolerance, and treating people the way, I actually want to be treated. I am not shallow! Never have been, and I never will be. My core has had so many bites taken out of it from people that treated me so badly, and just plain ignored me because, I am fat. And, I make a vow to NEVER inflict that pain on someone else.
Anyway, I do hope that everything goes okay for me Tuesday!!! Until next time

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~






Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Well, yesterday was my 2nd consultation with Dr. Tex. I was so nervous because, I just knew that he was going to reject me because I didn't lose the 20 pounds like, I was supposed to. So in my being nervous the day before, I turned to food, and felt guilty and upset with myself especially since that was why, I was in this position to begin with. Well, when, I arrived @ my appointment the waiting room was packed with people. FIRST of all, I really believe that they should get chairs WITHOUT arms. Hello!! This is a waiting room for people that want to have weight loss surgery and some obese people (self included) can't fit into chairs with arms.
However there were people in the waiting room that has the WLS. Many had the lapband, and one woman asked me which one did, I have, and I informed her that, I was a pre-opt and this was my 2nd appointment. She then proceeded to ask me which did, I pick, and I said gastric bypass. She had the audacity to ask me why. And it's not so much what she said, but how, she's said it. I didn't even answer her because, I didn't feel as though, I owed her any reason for why, I chose the RNY over the lapband. I have to walk my own road. The woman that said that was much smaller than myself, so the lapband was appropriate for her, but for me someone who weighs as much as, I need to go more drastic and the gastric bypass is the way, I want to go.
However when, I get weighed there' s a fear that's within me that I can't explain, but the scale tells me and the nurse that I lost 8 pounds. WHAT!!! WHOA!!! I have NO IDEA how that happened. Unless it happened overnight..LOL I do not understand it, but goodness I am thankful for it because I believe that is what kept me in the door. I had all my pre-opt papers...yay!! But was given a prescription for vitamin D. Also I have to lose that 20 pounds, I was supposed to lose anyway. So..I'm ALMOST there!! I just have to wait for Sandra( Dr. Tex's secretary) to call me with a date. SO in the meantime I've decided to stay on liquids during the day, and eat a light meal. I was going to try and do liquids for all 3 meals, but I don't think, I could honestly stick to it. I believe that, I would fall off.
I know that I turn to food for every emotion that, I do have, so I have decided to keep myself busy by reading, crocheting, and writing. I am excited and nervous all @ the same time. I am shocked because, I can't honestly believe that I am going through with this. I've been researching since 2002. I would come to this site, and literally be in tears because, I wanted to be on th e"other side" but I didn't have the courage. I didn't think, I could honestly give up food, but here I sit actually 4 years later., and I am officially pre-opt, and I am just waiting for a date. Now here's to hoping that the insurance company approves me....and the waiting still continues, but although I am frightened by the experience that awaits me, I am ready to experience what's waiting for me...

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~







Thursday March 23, 2006

I am ECSTATIC!!! DOES EVERYONE HEAR ME...ECSTATIC!! I have a DATE!! I can't believe it!! April 17, 2006 is the day of my surgery! April 4th, I have to go in for pre-op stuff, and I am NUMB truthfully!! It really hasn't sunk in yet, but I HAVE A DATE!!! Wooohoooooo!!!!!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
T~




Friday March 31, 2006

So, I have 16 days left before my WLS! I am a bunch of emotions mixed together. I admit that I have been very pleasant to be around because I've been hungry!! I never really took in how much food involved my daily activities. Since, I am not able to eat the way I want due to the fact that I have to lose 20 pounds, I am cranky!! I take a protein shake for BF and Lunch and I eat dinner. I am sick so salad!! But I am going to stick this out. I admit that it's very very hard!! Tomorrow I am having my last pre-opt dinner. And since I am, I have decided to cook my favorite meal! I am not going to go overboard. However I will sit down and enjoy my meal. I made myself a promise that although Sundays are my non-exercise days, I will exercise Sunday due to Saturday. I am scared, I will not sit up here and lie to myself. I am scared of what could possibly happen. I know that there are complications from the surgery and from not having the surgery, and that's what frightens me. I don't want to be one of those people that are immobile while laying in their bed wishing that they were dead, or one of those people that regret having the surgery because of the complications. It's very hard! It took me a long while to come to this place of actually going through with this. I look @the measuring spoons, I will have yo use for the rest of my life, and it FREAKS ME OUT!! I understand that my pouch which soon as, I get it will have a cute nickname because, I have a habit of nick naming everything will only be able to hold that amount physically. However what about emotionally and mentally? I know that I've been feeding myself emotionally and mentally for the past 15 years. I know that although my body will change the way I view certain things will remain the same. I don't expect to come out of surgery and have all the issues that turned me towards food be gone. WOULD BE NICE THOUGH, but I am not that naive! I am not going to back out because, I am came this far, and I know that it won't be easy, I just hope, I packed enough love for myself to see me through this journey! I wrote out a list of things, I would like to do once, I have WLS below..
Things, I Look Forward To Once, I Have My Surgery

1-Throw away all my medications (I take meds for Acid reflex, and HBP)

2--Do Avon walk for breast cancer

3-Not assume people are making fun of me just because, I hear laughter

4-Sit in a chair that has arms

5-Walk up a flight of stairs without heavy breathing

6-Shop @ a regular store for clothing.

7-RUN!!

8- Wear a shirt shorter than 36/39 inches

9-Wear a dress

10-Wear stiletto high heels (boots/shoes)

11-Go dancing

12-Get weighed on a regular scale

13-Have a normal menstrual cycle

14-Leave the arm rest down while @ a movie theater

15-See my knuckles in my hand

16-Swing on an adult swing

17-Get up and down from the floor easily.

18-Rollerskate

19-Learn to ride a bike

20-Use a regular blood pressure cuff while @ the doctor's office

21-Fit into a restaurant booth

22-Bring able to use my lap for anything besides my *Area* sitting on it.

23- Not feel like the biggest one in the room

24-Walk up steps easily

25-Wear a jean skirt

26-Tie my shoes without holding my breathing

27-Stop feeling invisible yet enormous @ the same time

28-Going down a shoe size

29-Go down a ring size

30-Take college classes

31-Fit into an amusement park ride.

32-Wear a 3X/ 4X shirt

33-Have someone not recognize me

34-Be able to wrap a towel around me

35-Paint my own toe nails

36-Being able to go through a turnstile without having to turn sideways

37-Cross my legs

38-Take a bubble bath @ my home instead of a hotel

39-Wear panty holes that fit

40-Being able to pick up whatever, I dropped on the floor.

41-Only take up one seat on the subway/bus

42-Being able to walk between tables @ a restaurant without knocking down anything, or anyone

43-To wear a belt

44-To have a hug and the person puts their arms all the way around me

45-To learn how to drive without my *Area* being on the steering wheel

46-To see a Broadway show

47-To have sex without my *Area* getting in the way

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~




Thursday April 6, 2006

11 DAYS TO GO!!
Well it has been a long couple of days. Last Saturday was my last dinner, and I admit that it was a little upsetting for me to know that I would not be able to eat that way again, but that was the thing that got me into trouble to begin with. After I finish eatting Saturday I took some prune juice, and I WILL NEVER do that again because I was sick as a dog Sunday. I kept throwing up and had diarrhea it was VERY UNPRETTY!! I wouldn't wish what I went through on my worse enemy. Tuesday, I went for my Pre-Opt testing and I arrived @ the hospital a lil after 6 30 AM, and I didn't end up leaving until after 1PM. It was a long process. It started off by my filling out a health proxy which I never did before, and it took me a while to fill out simple questions because as, I was sitting there, I was in awe of the fact that everything seem to be falling into place for me. After that, me and a few others had to go through orientation, and nutrition class, we also had to take a test...an actual test like, we were in school, I didn't mnd. Aisling the nutritionist takes, her job very seriously and, she just wants to make sure, we understand what, we will have to eat and what we know. After the test, I had to go give urine, give blood, EKG, Chest X-Ray. It was all very long because, I was with a few others, so we all had to waited to be called. Also to my surprise in the waiting room was Nancy Goddess, and she gave her opinion on the WLS. She herself had it, but for health reasons strickly because, she loves being a large person, and that is what her parties promote, and I respect her opinion greatly. I respect everyone's opinion on the WLS as long as they respect mines, and what I am doing. Nancy Goddess is a great inspiration for large women, and I do plan to attend her parties like, I did in the past once I have fully recovered. I notice that there were people there that judged her because, she likes being a large person, but had the surgery for health reasons. I really don't get it!! I really don't how can they judge, her when I am sure that they have been judged on many occasions for being large. It just boggles my mind as does many other things. However~people have been asking me if I am excited and I really don't know how to answer them, so I just say that I am nervous which I am. BUt excited? I really don't know! I wonder if I will lose myself in some personality that, I probably wouldn't like myself if, I wasn't with myself. I have seen it happen pepple lose weight and you wonder where the person before that went. I don't want to be unlikeable to MYSELF fuck what others feel, or think, I mean myself. I want to be able to apperciate having this surgery and still just be ME, but I have seen with my own eyes that doesn't seem to happen. I've been in this body since I've became an adult so I don't know any other way. It's weird, but my sister had hers almost a month ago, and she's been acting just strange. Although, we are two different people, I wonder if, she was REALLY like this before, but never allowed this person to come to the surface. I will admit, she's not very likeable, and there are many of us that agree on this issue. I don't know!! I am a big ball of mixed emotions on everything lately. While being pre-opt a woman shared with me how, Dr. Tex perfomes the surgery on the Hopsital's web site on web cast. So i went yesterday and looked @ it...well half of it, and couldn't wait it fully because I just kept imaging myself, but I will look @ it in a few!!!!!! Eleven more days!!! YAY

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~




Monday April 17th, 2006

WELL...TODAY IS MY DAY!!
MySpace Layouts

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I can't believe it!! As, I sit here and type this I am in awe of the fact that today is myd ay!! I have to be @ the hospital @ 1:30 PM which is strange to me because, I so wanted an early morning surgery. Truth be told, I wanted to be one of Dr. Tex's first patients. I took my pre-op pictures this morning...ahhh I am so nervous. To my surprise, I did sleep okay, but that was from the lack of energy from not having any food. I have done liquids two days straight. I haven't really been physically hungry, but that emotional and mental hunger was kicking my ass.
There were several times when, I just broke down, and cried because of not being able to eat, and thoughts of having this surgery. This morning my sister asked me was, I excited, and my reply was that I am nervous. As,I sit here I think of all that can go wrong, I suppose that is possible, and I wonder how did I allow myself t get to this big. But @ the same time, I am t hankful for this surgery, and the things that, I should be able to do once, I get the surgery. However I made the mistake of visiting the memorial page the day before yesterday...TO THOSE THAT ARE GOING TO HAVE THEIR SURGERY DO NOT...I REPEAT DO NOT VISIT THE MEMORIAL PAGE AS YOU GET CLOSER TO SURGERY...it freaked me out!!! I still have Jades page clearly in mind, I don't know why, she's always in the back of my mind. However~I shall carry no negative feelings with me into the operating room. I have faith and hope that Dr. Tex will do a great job! I have faith in God that I'll be okay because, I prayed for guidance over and over again, and I've been lead to this path. I've done my research since 2002, and here I sit 2006 about to leave for the hospital. I believe that this will save my live, make me healthier, and make me happier as leading me to be confident in myself. I want to make this clear that vanity is @ the very bottom of my list for I am NOT doing this to fit into society's way of what a woman should look like. I am doing this to get off my medications, and to be able to take care of myself both mentally and physically. So as, I sit here right now, and this is my last entry before I get to the *loser's side* I want to say THANK YOU to all the people from BMI over 50 messageboard, and the main message board for answering my questions OVER and OVER again. For being so kind, and for allowing me to NEVER feel alone in my struggle against obesity! I am NOW and FOREVER will be thankful for this beautiful site. It's not the pretty profiles that make it beautiful, but that ultimate feeling of NOT BEING ALONE, and CARING PEOPLE...SO THANK YOU ALL!! ALso SPECIAL SPECIAL thank you to those that keep their profiles updates where me a pre-opt can go, and learn from. I hope to follow in your footsteps of creating the path for someone else. Now it's time for me to sit and just relax because, I am leaving for the hospital @ 12, and it's now 10:06...SO KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS please!!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~




Thursday April 20, 2006

WELL I AM HOME!
I came home yesterday, but just now have had the opportunity to update my page. So, Iwill go step by step up until the point I am sitting here!
April 17, 2006, I arrived @ the hospital @ exactly 12:23 PM. I was nervous @ this point because it was getting closer to my surgery time. However I had to fill out the usual hospital papers, and then I was called to take my first heprin *sp ch* (blood thinner) shot. I then had to go and change my clothing and I was told I could ask one of my relatives to come and sit in the back with me until it was time for my surgery to begin. COOL!! SO I told my mother to come with me because, I didn't think, I would be gone for so long. However, we were in the waiting room with a bunch of others that were in hospital gowns and waiting or be called in the holding room. We stayed there like 2 hours, and during this time, I am frustrated. I am wondering I doing the right thing is this a sign. I am trying my best to hold up a great attitude outside, but I am thinking WHAT IN THE WORLD my surgery was supposed to begin @ 3:30PM. The anestheoligist came in and spoke to my mother and me. VERY NICE GUY, and he told me that it would be a while...being that there was nothing, I could possibly do of course, I said okay. However I am sitting there in two hospital gowns, sugerical cap and freezing my buns off. EVENTUALLY, we FINALLY went into the holding room, and stayed there for a while. Dr. Tex came and talked to us, and he said that we should be ready to go in 30 minutes, I said okay. So when, I saw him, I figured that he had a case before mine, and that is what took him so long. So, we waited a while and @ 5: 40PM I was wheeled into the operating room. Did, I mention that Dr. Tex has the softest hands, I have EVER felt in my life like his hand were specially created to do operations? WELL THEY ARE!! Anyway everything went so fast after that!! HOwever, I do remember them taking the breathing tube out. But when I woke up in the reovery room my family was looking over me, and they kept telling me to take deep breaths, and I had the oxygen mask over my face. I kept getting an attutide because, I couldn't understand why they kept telling me that. Until my sister told me that my younger sister was upset because of what was going on, and I heard the machine beep which sounded like a flat line that I reallys tarted taking deep breaths. However I stayed in recovery until 2:30 in the morning. So I was in recovery for 6 hours because my breathing was sedated, but once I woke up the nurses started calling me bright eyes, and I was in my room @ no time @ all. I had a catheter which @ the first thought scared me to have, but I felt nothinng, but was VERY grateful for it because Id on't think I could have gotten up to go to the bathroom. I also had one of those special beds for WLS patients which lifts you up to your feet and turns into a chair and everything, so the muscles won't be strained.
My room was also has WLS patient and had it the same day, I did with Dr. Tex so we started out our journey together. The nurses were also nice. I found out the reason, I went into surgery so late was because of the patient Dr. Tex had before me, she had complications. I met her also, and her complcations weren't WLS related because, she has her WLS back in 1999 by Dr. Tex. However she gave me some advice, and she told me her story..very nice older woman. It's amazing how one might think that this journey is their owns, when you meet so many people on teh same path. I was very happy to come home and sleep in my own bed, and this is when the journey REALLY begins!!! I am trying HARD to get in my 4 ozs, but it can be really diffcult when working with a smaller tummy, but I am trying!! I am very grateful to Dr. Tex and his whole staff! So far I have no complaints although yesterday when my sister was cooking hamburgers, I felt deprived for a while, but ahh such is life!! I will be better for this journey I REALLY hope so!!! THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR PRAYERS they are more apperciated than, you will EVER EVER know!!!!!
I still am in amazement after all these years that I am on the other side!!

*smoochies*
~NEVER NEVER NEVER SURRENDER~
~T~



Tuesday Apirl 25, 2006

Well, I am 1 week POST OP!! How frigging wonderful..I am happy, but confused about a f ew things. I went to my surgeon's office today. When, I stepped on the scale it is saying that I only lost 8 pounds. I do not understand that because, I feel the changes in my body. My upper arms are softer, and so is my belly and even my bootay doesn't feel the same size. I know in all good time, but all the things I have been doing BEFORE the surgery, and only 8 pounds seem likes I am being cheated. Maybe I am being greedy who knows. I have been moved up from liquids to puree...thank goodness. Some of the lapband patients said that they have to be on liquds for 3 weeks. Now I have to be on puree for 3 weeks, but I am sure that will fly by. I already decided that next week, I will start to increase my walking since, I can't work out yet. WHile in the waitng room a young girl walked in with, her mother whom had the surgery, and she reminded me so much of myself. She's 3 week post-opt and her mother also had the surgery on the same day with Dr. Tex that's cool. However, I believe, her mother was embarrassing her because, she kept trying to make friends for her. She gave m her phone number, and said that, her daughter needed to make soem friends for me to call her. I saw that the daughter was embarassed, so what I did was give the daughter my home and cell phone number. I do doubt that she will use it, but I said that I would call her soon just to say hi. For some reason, she touched my heart, I believe because, I seen the younger me in her, I don't know. However I am in desperate need of puree recipes, I don't want to get too bored with it. I am scared to eat truthfully because, I don't want to experience none of that vomiting and nausa and ESPECIALLY dumping. However, I know that I have to experiment with my Poochie Pouch.

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T




Wednesday May 4, 2006

Well people have E-mailed me, and want to know how I am doing. Well, to be honest I am exhausted...I have never been this exhausted in my entire life. I know that I am not getting in all the water I should, and Ihave proof of that since, I am starting to show signs of UTI. I had one back in October, and it was painful, and I am having that pain once, again, so I decided I don't care WHAT I am pushing myself to drink water, I don't care what!! I really haven't been eating the puree because it just taste so nasty and bland to me, however I do like refried beans..YUMALICIOUS!!! They are REALLY good. I only have been eating 2 ozs @ a time. Now, I will start drinking cranberry juice to help this UTI. It's hard...mentally and emotionally because, I see commercials about food, and I want to cry, but I know it will get easier. I don't know how much weight I have lost because, I haven't been weighed since I've been to the doctor. I refuse to be a slave to the scale, but I do feel the difference in my body, so I assume that's a good thing. I also have been mixing my french vanilla protein shake with peanut butter, and it's been very tasty. I have also joined a yahoo group called OSSG-Protein@yahoogroups.com because, I need RECIPES on protein drinks. However~I'll be doing okay once, I stop feeling so exhausted. However, I know in the long run it shall all be worth it.

*smoochies*
~NEVER SURRENDER~
~T




Tuesday May 16, 2006

Well today was my 1 month follow up visit and I've lost a total of 50 pounds, and I can't even begin to express how, I feel about that. I am so happy right now. When, I stepped on that scale, and I actually saw a difference...it was utterly amazing, and for the first time, I was like okay I actually know that I had weight loss surgery. I am able to move onto solid foods now, however I am excited about making chilli, and trying fish. I hope that the fish agrees with me. Puree is nasty...although I admit that I honestly didn't stick with it. I just decided to chew chew chew and chew some more. What I have been eatting is ground Turkey, Chicken, Refried Beans, and Lentil Soup which is delicious. However~I am thankful for Dr. Tex and this surgery. If anyone has any question please feel free to E-mail me...I like being in contact with people.

*smoochies*
~NEVER NEVER SURRENDER~
~T





Saturday August 5, 2006

Wow it has REALLY been such a long time since I've updated my profile. I have gotten many request to do so, and here I am. Well there's so much to tell...where to start. Well to tell you the truth I am down 99 pounds. I can't explain how fantastic that is. Thus far, I have been blessed, I have no complications besides the usual constipation which can be annoying at times. However I take milk of magnesia and sometimes suppositories, and it's okay for a little while, but that is my only REAL compliant. Now although when I step on the scale (which I don't make it a habit to do because I don't want to be a slave to number) I notice the numbers, but do I actually see it when, I look in the mirror. No, I don't and it was frustrating for a while. A few months back it was an emotional up and down for me. I would cry @ the drop of a hat for no reason @ all. My friends, and family members didn't know how to handle the situation because there was nothing for me to do. I don't know what was going on. My doctor and therapist told me that it was my hormones they were out of balance because of the surgery. It was a real trying time, and for the first time since I've started therapy I thought that I would need medication to help me deal with how I was feeling. It was like unhappiness all the time for no real reason and nothing seemed right everything was wrong, and that is when I started to question my decision because it was to much to handle. Now, I am better, I have my good and bad days of course as does everyone, but nothing like before. Clothes that were rather tight on me before actually are very loose, and my sister hates when I wear them. However I refuse to buy a load of clothing, and not be able to wear them for long. SO far I've brought 2 shirts, and they were a size 5X although I needed a 4X. That is a big deal being that before from the catalog PLUS WOMAN, I would buy a 8x. FOOD...I've been good with everything, I have eaten. I haven't thrown up not once. I did however have an episode with broccoli the other day, but I think i didn't chew well enough and it was stuck in my chest for a few minutes. However it was okay after that. I know I've been blessed. There are times when it's hard when there's so much FOOD PORN (commercials, and although I shouldn't I find myself watching FOODTV constantly..LOL) I am well, and happy. I know that I have a LONGGGGGGGGG way to go, but I am able to walk better. I am able to breathe, and sleep better. I actually feel lighter, and it feels great. I had my surgery in April, but I know that next summer will be even better for me..minus the heatwaves..LOL I need to post some new pictures, and I shall soon...as soon as I figure out how..LOL However if anyone has questions please feel free to E-mail me...I don't mind answering questions!

*smoochies*
NEVER SURRENDER
~T~


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Photos


Hospital Reviews
  • (New York, NY) - St. Lukes- Roosevelt Hospital


    • Member Interests:
  • Books & Literature - The Cheapest vacation ever...picking up a book.

  • Humor - I LOVE to laugh....just makes my day!!

  • Poetry - I Love Reading & Writing It

  • Music - My taste in music varies...always a song to fit my mood...

  • Black American - African American Goddess Is What I Am *smile*

  • Dating - Yes...I am looking for a yumalicious man..LOL

  • Astrology - I read my scope every day...a true Libra here...:-)

  • Tattoo - I would like to get a tattoo one day...

  • Shopping - What Woman Doesn't Love To Shop...LOL

  • BMI over 50 - Sad to say, but it's true!


    • Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.

    Surgeon Info:
    Well my first impression of Dr. Teixeria was YUMMY! He's a very atttractive man, but that is besides the point..LOL He comes across as very caring. He's soft spoken, and his staff is excellent! They seem to care about the patients! I am still in the process of it all, but I will keep updating everytime, I meet with him!