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July 5, 2002
What a great place this is! I have a personal web page (listed above) and I have link that will bring people right to this site. Not only does it give us TONS of information on the surgery we are contemplating/planning/experiencing/recovering from/living with, but it gives us a family of people who understand us every step of the way. While the waiting is making me NUTS, I am really happy to be a part of this! Life is good right now, and I know it is only going to get better!

July 17, 2002
Finally next week is my first "official" official appointment with my Dr.s office. As often seems to happen in my life, things are going along so well, I let my guard down and begin to enjoy and then something pulls the rug out from under me. My husband was having a relationship with a woman he works with. While I am fairly certain it was not sexual (I have some fairly concrete reasons) it was certainly emotional. I do not know the extent he encouraged or participated in it, as I have only seen what she has sent him, Things about "dreaming about him...again", calling him "my love" etc. This happens every day to couples, right? And yet the pain I felt was worse than anything I think I can remember in my life was. IN MY LIFE. If you think I may have had an uneventful life until now, you are wrong. I have experienced some incredible traumatic things. (How is being left 3 months pregnant and homeless at an airport watching the father of your child fly out of your life to another state to be with another woman...?. [different man, I sure can pick 'em huh?}) At any rate, I want to concentrate on myself and my friends here on this site. I want to help others and celebrate their happiness and help them with their own sorrows.

Saturday, August 3rd, 2002
Not a good day. I am very depressed. I have not done anything about all the blood work and tests I need to have done. I had my consultation last week and I guess they just made it sound like it be YEARS until my doc can squeeze me in....But the receptionist did wink at me and tell me to go get the stuff done, sometimes she squeezes in people "she likes". hmmmmmm, so I think this weekend I will map out a game plan for these tests and get 'em done. 2 of them I cannot have done until September 10, and I think that is one of the reason's I thought "why bother now" with the others, but if I am aggressive (and I sure as hell am when I want something) then maybe I can get those appointments moved up to. I'm feeling sorry for myself, being lazy and waiting for the surgery fairy to take care of it all....gees...

August 4,2002 Sunday
Her because for some reason my posts were rejected yesterday. It is really discouraging to me. I had a very difficult day yesterday and needed some reassuring from my brothers and sisters here. So I posted. I used no bad words or

I am wiring or anything like that. And I waited, and apparently the moderators chose not to put it on. My friend Sally told me once before NOT to be discouraged as they have lots of people posting and sometimes they simply cannot post them all. Yet when I checked the board here were posts like "Hello everyone!" And "Pam, you crack me up..." that’s it, those were these entire people's posts.... So obviously the moderators where not forced to pick and choose based on importance yesterday. Shortly after I posted I saw someone else post a request for a virtual model website. SO I posted again, with the link to the site. This too never appeared. I know it is not my computer (state of the art and never had a problem) nor was it me, (it is not rocket science to post, I've done it many times)...and I had not posted in several days (so it was not that I was cluttering up the board with my posts). This is very upsetting to me, especially since today is worse than yesterday. I won't even bother trying to post today after the moderators chose to ignore me yesterday. I am going to put this on my profile page and hope that it actually gets there. And maybe email a few members directly, I don't know what else to do.

My birthday is on Wednesday. Of course, as every year, there is never any money for my MFH, (that is m*&%@# f&*(%$ husband) to buy or anything for me. I make all the money around here, well 75% of it, and on his birthday (a few weeks ago..) I gave him breakfast in bed, dinner out, and a shopping spree for him to buy whatever he wanted. Within reason... he bought a necklace, fishing stuff, a new Harley hat, and kinds of stuff like that. Today was supposed to be my day. I made the breakfast in bed for him. The only thing I wanted was to go shopping for sterling /white engement ring with a CZ stone...$25.00 to 50.00...because my ring broke (diamond chip, not worth fixing really) and I have no wedding or engagement ring. I got ready to go out, colored my hair, the make up, a skirt and one of my infamous spaghetti strap tops and he wants to know if we can go fishing. My heart just sank. Same old thing. And what really bothers me I guess is his ex fiancé who weighed 100 lbs soaking wet and was soooooooo beautiful, had a 1-carat high quality diamond. This is not about weight? bull$hit. It all about weight. Everything in this society is about weight. And today I willl spend yet another "birthday weekend" crying. Thank you for those of you who read this. I had to cry to someone and I cannot take the judgmental view of my mother, or the "what is she talking about" attitude of my skinny friends.

I'm back baby! Yes, In November I had emergency surgery, I was bleeding at a rate so dangerous and the doctor's could not stop it. They were giving me round the clock blood transfusions, but i was losing blood faster than they could put it in. Finally, my doctor had no choice but to operate in an attemp to save my life. After the surgery, I had this overwhelming feeling that if I dared have any other type of 'elective" surgery God would punish me. Ok, warped, maybe...but that was the thought process. It has taken all these months for the fear to fade and for me realize it is OK and God wants me to be happy. I don't know who this fat chick is that I see in the mirror, but it's not me. I've done it all, just like all of you, now I want to use the technology we have developed as a society to finally rid myself of the one thing that has f*cked up my life in so many many many ways---the weight!

Happy Mother's Day Weekend to all. (if you don't have a child, you have a mother, and if she is no longer with us, use the day to remember her fondly!) I will b making the 10 minute drive to my mothers house tomorrow, and I have yet to buy her a gift...the proverbial "woman who has everything..." Anyway, Thursday, I took the day off from work and completed all the tests I need pre-op. As I've said before, some of my tests I had done last fall were still valid, but I needed the bloodwrok, urine sample, chest x-ray, excersize consult and psych consult, and I did them all Thursday. I just have to tell you I dreaded the psych consult more than anything. My co-workers and I were sitting around Wednesday joking about what they could possible ask me. "Vicki, do you ever see purple monekey's flying around your kitchen?" or would they hold up pictures of ink blots expecting me to yell out "CHEESBURGER!"...My husband took the day off to escort me around to all these tests. The day started with him pouting and giving me the "this-is-unnessecary-sugery-and-you-are-only-doing-it-to-find-a-young-rich-guy-and-leave-me" speech. (Here we go again....sigh!) I thought to myself, "you know what? I am so sick of reassuring him, let him whine..let him do whatever he has to do" Why did it take me so long to realize this is HIS problem...I don't have time to worry about HIS problems...reassuring him was becoming a full time job...so I quit that job. (although I really deserve unemployment after all the hours Iput into it!) Anyway, the psychologist was...GET THIS...498 pounds!!!! He told me this! And this dude was so incredibly down to earth and unpretentious! I could have talked to him for hours! We spent a good part of the hour laughing and I think I smiled the entire time! He asked me all the standard questions, etc. But his description of dumping syndrome was worthy of a George Carlin routine! This guy should have his own HBO Special! AT the end he said "Vicki, you're young, healthy, and not as overweight as most people seeking the surgery...I think you are an EXCELLENT candidate for surgery" YES! So now there is nothng to do but wait. Monday I am calling Dr. Beetle's Office and telling them I want to be on the cancellation list (my appointment with Dr. Beetle for the last consultation is July 8th). I am going to tell them that if anyone cancels, I will be there within 20 minutes. I am blessed to have the type of salaried position that I can just get up and walk out of the office if I need to, and I will! Today I went grocery shopping and for the first time sincemy 10 year old was born, I looked at the babyfood. I also bought Carnie Wilson's Book "Gut Feelings" on Thursday and am thouroughly enjoying and identifying with her story so far. Thanks for letting me share, and if you read this, thanks for not skipping over my post! ALWAYS FIGHT BACK! Vicki

6.21.2003 Is it the first day of summer? Man, where IS the sun? I want to wear my new push up neon hot pink 2 piece bathing suit and lay out. I wonder if this time next year I will look back and think what a cow (or pink pig) I look like in this suit. I actually hope so! Only a few more weeks until my July 8th appointment with my surgeon. I can't wait. I am seeing Dr. Beetel, but wether it is he, or Dr. Bonnani who performs my surgery, I don't care. I am just ready. Today I am going to do a little research on the site as opposed to just posting on the board. A gradual change in eating habits now would obviously be alot easier than going "cold turkey" (no pun intended) after surgery. I am very much looking forward to going to Ocean City , MD in September. I just found out we will be there for Bike Week (Harley's), and that is really cool.I can honestly say I am not scared at all of the surgery. After what i went through in November, I guess I feel I can handle anything. This site has been so instrumental to me, that I think I am going to sign up to do volunteer work for the site today.

What a long starge trips it's been. Starting the research on WLS a year and halg ago, when in total dispair and thinking maybe I could find a doctor that wouls "staple my stomach" or "wire my jaw shut", i had no clue waht WLS was really about. Has I not had the mergency surgery in November and has the life (literally) scared out of me, I would have never chickened out the first time around. My surgery would have been in February, and by now I would be well on my way, if not at goal. (My docs feel I an a model candidate: BMI under 45, healthy, young and with no real co-morbidities- they have told me they fully expect the reality will be that I lose 100 ilbs in 4 months!)....Be that as it may, July 8th is the week after next. On that day, I will take the final step, see the surgeon and be given the most previous gift : A DATE. I am so excited. I cannot express the joy I feel in getting close to freeing my fat demons. I cannot express what a load (no pun intended) it will be to be "normal" again. (or as close to normal as I ever was. Thank you Valerie and Julia for letting me know if I dig a little deeper I can get a person's email address from their profile on the surgery page (DUH). My spirits are so high just from the escpectation of what is coming my way soon, that I even feel better about myself. My self-esteem is rising and I owe it all the HOPE! AMOS and all it's members have supported me, educated me, and walked with me throught this journey. I owe you all so much. Thank God for WLS and the gifted surgeons who perform it. I'm not even there yet, and already I can understand why so many refer to their surgery date as their re-birthday. Thanks for listening...HUGS...Vicki!

Hello Family,
Well, tomorrow is finally the day I see my surgeon for the last time before surgery (I know, you have heard that from me 6001 times now0, but I really do have a point this time. I was looking through my WLS stuff last night and found that the surgeon asks that you bring a front and side picture of your self. Well, I know he isn't looking for these magnifcent head shots I keep coming up with, so I had a co-worker take the pics on my digital camera today and then printed them out on the color printer at work...............WELL, there is obviously some incredible CIA mix up with the color copier as the pics that cam out of that vile thing cannot possibly be me. I could have thrown up! Worse yet, the co-worker is telling me, "Oh come on, they are not that bad..." WHAT? Are you on crack????? I look like a pregnant whale! AT least lie to me! Tell me that the camera added 50 or 60 pounds! Please, for the love of God, tell me I do NOT look like that! ARe those arms or legs of lamb? When did I get pregnant? Oh MY! Whata reality check! Well, the good nws is I am drinking protein shakes twice a day with a salad for lunch (romaine, chicken ; 1/4 cup shredded cheese, tomatoes and some bacon bits, the real ones NOT Bacos) and then a dinner of meat and vegtables. I am taking a vitamin daily, I am drinking water only, except for the occasional treat of a Lipton no lemon ice tea...........Please , say just the tiniest prayer for me that I will get a date tomorrow and have a successful uncomplicated sugery. My feet hurt, my blood pressure is up, I can't walk fast or far int he heat.....I feel so sorry for hippo's .....this must be how they feel every day of their life!

Update: 8.18.20033 weeks from today is my day! I have alot of appointments and things in the next 2 weeks and then I am off to the beach! When I come back I have one day to rest and then it is on to the hospital. 9.8.2003 is my date. BC/BS approved me over the phone and I had my approval letter in my hands in 3 days! I feel so blessed! Hopefully, my full body fat pics will be on here soon. I only have the bravery to post them now cause I KNOW I will not look like this for long. My angel, Jack Nieporte, is the best guy in the world, and deserves so much happiness! I wish I could snap my fingers and have some wonderful woman enter his life. For now, I am getting all my ducks in a row and feeling like the happiest person on earth. I am finally going to be NORMAL!

8.21.2003 Hi everyone! I had a terrible day at work, I am still waiting for an offer on a mew position and a former supervisor of mine called the hiring manager and left her a VM to rave about me. Sounds good , right? Wrong. She got upset that she received an "unsolicited opinion" and told me she did not want to discuss it further today. I said I understood. (the was an IM conversation) and then she said she would be in touch. Now I am worried that I will not get the position. My angel ,Jack, told me to 'Let go and let God', so I guess it is out of my hands now. I saw my surgeon for the last time before surgery yesterday. I lost 8 pounds, got some information and scripts, signed some papers and now WLS is just 18 more days away. My beach vacation is just 9 days away....so good things are happening. Much to good to stress about the job. (of course, you know I will stress anyway)...Everything happens for a reason. I'll try to focus on that. I am very excited about surgery, and especially about the 4 foot high pile of very sexy clothes that no longer fit me, that WILL fit me again!.......................After a moment of refelction, I have to say I feel really selfish jumping on this board talking about my potential career disappointments when in fact, I am so lucky to have surgery scheduled right around the corner. So many of you are waiting, fighting the insurance companies, going through all kinds of things, and here I am having my surgery soon and a quick insurance approval and no problems whatsoever (not to mention I have a gorgeous surgeon)..........so please accept my apologies for selfishness on my part. I feel for you all that are waiting. I cannot say I had problems with insurance approval, so I do not know what that hell must be like...........But please know that I care about each one of you and want you all to experience the re-birth youu deserve! HUGS

8.22.2003 Hi everyone....I know it is TGIF, but for some reason I am so depressed. Stress at work is causing major depression and that is just terrible since I have sugery in 2 and half weeks! If that is not wonderful enough, i am lucky enough to be leaving for the beach for 8 glorious days next saturday too! Today I purchased Flintstones vitamins and also a hair, nail and skin formula to take now, and again later when I can tolerate them along with my multi-vitamin. I checked out the babyfood isle a little and will shop later this week for my 4 day pre-surgery/vacation foods. We have 1 day after returning from vacation before surgery, so I plan to shop for post ops foods then. I wish I could get happy....I am not sure what is wrong with me other than I started taking blood pressure medicine a few days ago....could that be a side effect? Well..................thanks to the wonderful folks here at AMOS my horrible before pictures are on my profile now. I can't wait to have different pictures, cause they are SOOOOOOOOOO embarrassing. The head shot on there make me look thin, ah, I am a crafty photographer! But I am about the same weight in all 3 pics you will see...........so take a look if you dare. Thanks to all that emailed me with information about post op diet and what to take to the hospital, I have printed everything out and put it in a notebook. I hope everyone has a happy and healthy weekend! HUGS

9.7.2003: Well, it is a glorious day is PA. The sun is shining there is 0% humidity and not a cloud in the sky. The temperature is 71 degrees and****************************TOMMOROW IS MY DAY!******************************** This will be my last post before I check into St Joseph's Hospital at 8:30 AM tomorrow morning for my lap WLS. The next time I reach out to you all, I will be on the other side with the rest of you courageous losers! I started my journey in the Spring of 2002......it has been almost a year and a half, mostly because I backed out due to a life threatening emergency hysterectomy last November. Coming that close to death scared me so badly, i could not bear the thought of ever VOLUNTARILY going under the knife for anything again. But time really does heal all wounds, and after a few weeks I had physically recovered, i just didn't realize it would take many months to heal emotionally. But I did. I jumped back in with both feet and Jack Nieporte, who had kept in contact with me throug it all jumped up and volunteered to be my angel. Poor Jack has had to mentor this Narcissist Gone Wild for months and will surely go to heaven as a true angel for this. I have followed my instructions to the letter and have actually been folowing a program for 2 months now, losing 8 pounds. I have been on a full liqued diet for the last 4 days in preperation for tommorow. I have not done so well in stopping smoking, but this is the only area where I have not been diligent. My lungs are clear, despite my smoking, and I am doing breathing excersizes with a device provided to me at my pre-registration...............I am stocked with protein shakes, clear broth, SF jello, tea, splenda and protein powder for those first few days home.......With 19 hours until surgery, I feel the need to reflect on what this surgery means to me and how it changes lives. In the 6th grade i went swimming with 2 friends. (all of us had pools of our own, but one friend was sleeping over at my house and had not brought her suit). I gave her one of mine. I remember, at the tender age of 11 looking at her (also 11) in my suit and asking her innocently why it as baggy on her. She looked down at the ground and said "well, Vic....ya know....you are a little.....'bigger' than me...." It hit me like a slap. That was the first moment in my life I realized that I was not normal weight. And even worse, others already were aware of it and I was not. My life, my self esteem. my everything changed that day. I realized that day and for every day of the next 26 years that have lead to today that I am not "normal". the ripple effects of my weight have touched everything in my life. I married the first man (at age 19) that was willing to marry me. I didn't love him, not at all...but he was nice to me and WAS WILLING TO MARRY ME....and when u feel u are not normal, you "take what u can get". A few years later we built a magnificent home and had 2 children together. At age 30, after starving myself down to a size 16, I fell in love for the first time. I still did not feel 'Normal" but this man was head over heels for me and I really did love him, so I left my husband. but I needed, absolutly needed the adoration 24/7 of this new man to feel even halfway OK. It was a long distance 2 year relationship from hell. It left me physically and emotionally beaten and bankrupt. it ended and I married again 3 weeks after the relationship ended to a man I had known 13 days (this is my husband now). Again, the need to be loved was so strong i participated in things any strong woman with an ounce of self-esteem would have never even entertained. (drugs, etc.) I let him abuse me for years via active addiction, again, because I was not "normal" and u take what u can get..... My husband has been sober for over 2 years and I have grown alot. I made a career change a few years ago that took me into a field where I not only excell, but earn 3 times what I did in the past. Even now, though, I still feel that because of my weight (about 278 as of today) I am not "normal". I realize this surgery is not a miracle that will fix all the emotional things connected to weight, but I also realize that i am dedicated and I AM going to be normal. Since my weight is the only thing about me that I have ever felt was negative, once my weight is normal I forsee many life changes. Like a wall between me and everyone else being knocked down, and me stepping over the debris to the other side with all the other normal people......................I have many people on this site to thank. Pam German, TeAnn Smallwood...people I have watched trasform into butterflies before my eyes. And all of those who take the time to repsond to posts.....there are just so many wonderful people in this fellowship. I know for me there is so much more on the other side than weight loss and health...there is the me that i could never find. I'm about to meet her, and I am excited cause i think she is kinda cool. Sorry to post such a novel here, but I felt the need to share this about myself. I know Sally Simotos will be with me tommorow. She was also a patient of Reading Surgical Associates and we emiled each other often. Time for me to step down from the spotlight and say goodbye. Jack will update you all for me. Thank you everyone. For everything. (HUGS)

9.15.03 Hello Everyone.....Today I am 1 week post op. This has been a very strange and scary week. I am going to my surgeon's at noon today to have the JP drain removed (Thank GOD!) My scale shows me having lost 16 pounds since Thursday when I returned home from the hospital. I have drained quite a bit of fluid and there was extensive swelling so this is entirely possible. It has been very difficult for me to know when to eat. My surgeon requires 4 day liqued diet pre-op and then 5 days liquid upon discharge from the hosptial. Basically, what that mean is I cannot rmember the last time I ate solid food! Today I will begin pureed foods for a month and I am thrilled! At least I can puree "real" food and eat it! I am looking foreard to puree-ing egg-salad, tuna salad, refried beans, things like that! my "old" stomach still GROWLS! I feel hungry even after I have just eaten a 1/4 cup of something. I know the "new" stomach is full and it is so confusing to know whent o eat, when to stop eating and when I am really hungry! This is something that I did not expect. I also have a decent amount oif pain and bloating of my stomach and even though i had lap surgery before for my gallbladder, somehow I guess I forgot about that part too! I am very anxious to ber back to normal, back to work and put this surgery behind me. My husband had to return to work today so my grandmother is driving me to the doctor. I hate that! Hate being dependant on anyone! I am not a good post op patient! (Obviously!) I am a little freaked out about the surgeon taking this drain out today as well...whew...I'll be glad when it is over and out....right now I feel like a science experiment with tubes coming out of me and this little bulb that collects the fluid...yuck....but that's just me...thanks for listening! HUGS!

9.28.2003 Hi All...tomorrow it will be 3 weks since I had surgery. I am down about 33 pounds and can really see the difference. my clothes, especially skirts and silky pants and dragging on the ground and to long now as there is not as much in the stomach area to fill them out! I am beginning to be a little more comfortable. I am also begining to understand when I am full, although I still push it a 1'4 tsp or 2 over the edge and feel sick.....duh! Pureed foods are tough, especially since alot of the good protein foods ( a nice jiucy broiled chicken breast or steak, seafood, veggie sausage, etc...lose alot in the blender...uh...yuck!) so my choices are still kind of limited and I have 2 more weeks on pureed foods. I have beent hinking about starting some solids now and just making sure I chew really really well, but I know that is cheating and really sets a bad tone for the entire weight loss process. This week I need to start excersizing to. I am lucky, that with proper excerzize and a starting weight of 285 wearing a size 22, I may not need plastic surgery if I apply myself now...I really need to do that. More to come!

10.10.2003 I am now down 40 pounds and feeling much better. The post op period is oh-so-difficult for those of us who are not "one day at a time" people. I want it now! Not the weight loss (ok, yes the weight loss), but to feel normal, eat normal, and be "recovered". Well, it takes time, and alot of learning and finding your way. It took me weeks (about 4 of 'em) to figure out that I cannot eat any other way than S L O W.....S L O W E R than I ever thought a person could eat! I am talking about a 1/2 teaspoon bite of something every 5 minutes or so. I find if I heat this slow, I can eat all kinds of good stuff (chicken, tuna, beef, whatever) and not get sick. The foods were not making me sick...the way I was eating was. I still tend to eat to fast sometimes, and then I pay. The other night I let myself get REALLY hungry and then somehow thought it would be ok to eat a 3 1 inch pieces of BEEF JERKEY within a 5 minutes time frame. Within minutes I had the good ol' "sticking in chest" feeling accompanied by a side order of excessive swallowing and fighting nasuea, until I said "oh the hell with it!" and I went and threw up. No sense suffering

10.12.2003: Hello All....I hope everyone is having a relaxing Sunday evening. I wanted to post that I have met 2 small milestones. First, my BMI is now 39.5 which means (since I have no solid co-morbidities) that I NO LONGER AM HEAVY ENOUGH TO QUALIFY FOR SURGERY! Yippeeeee! The second thing is that I have a a gorgeous grey pinstrip suit, a long extremely fitted jacket and matching pants (size 18) that I adore! I have not been able to wear it in a few years...I told my husband that after I had surgery I would be so happy to fit into that jacket. Well, on Thursday I WORE it to an INTERVIEW for another position with my company!!!!!!! It felt fantastic. I put it on the night before, and I said to my husband "Does this FIT???????"....and he said "Yep, it looks fine!" What a great feeling.

11.11.2003 Hello Everyone. I am sorry I have not updated in awhile. I was updating one night when all hell broke loose in my household and I had to shut down my computer and lost the update before I could save it. As of today, I am 2 months post op and down 57 pounds. I really cannot believe it has only been 2 months as it seems like so much longer. So much has happened and I have traveled down so many little roads to try to find my way. I still am. I left my husband for a week, although we have re-conciled. We are working very very hard to make our marriage work. We had never seperated before and I think my leaving shook us both to the core. The WLS did play a part. He is convinced I am going to leave him. Of course, he has always been convinced I was going to leave him since I am younger than him....go figure. I have been riddled with guilt for not getting in enough protein, I simply cannot do the shakes, they ALL gag me...and then I tried a protein bar this weekend.....YUM! I know alot of people don't like them, but with 28 grams of protein and 3 grams of usable carbs, it works for me! No, they are not like a snickers, but they sure are alot better and much more convenient than a shake...so FINALLY, I am starting to get some protein in! Excercize is falling by the wayside :( I am not excersizing and that is a problem. I have a Pilate's DVD at home that I have never tried and I think I am going to try it tonight. My one treat that I LOVE is good Tropicana Orange Juice with Diet 7 up (mixed equal parts). It tastes like good ol' party punch and is just yummy! My surgeon's office does want us to concentrate on protein but also wants us to have breads, fruits, vegtables, etc each day, so I count the orange juice as a fruit and enjoy! I put it in this ridiculously big cocktail glass and feel decadent! Some foods "stick", some don't....some days the same food I ate the day before does not sit well, you just never know, so you wing it! I am very much looking forward to the holidays. I have not bought myself anything to wear since I bought 1 pair of jeans that no longer fit 2 weeks later. But at Christmas I am buying a sexy dress and I can't wait to see my HUGE Italian/Greek family at my Aunt Betty's house Christmas Day. It is the one day a year we all see each other...probably over 100 people come and go through out the day

12.14.2003...Well, Christmas is sneaking around the corner ready to bite me in the butt! I am now down 67 pounds and am very happy with it. I worry sometimes that I am doing the "wrong" things. I don't drink nearly as much as I should,(maybe 20 oz. per day as opposed to 64); i drink diet Canada Dry Ginger-Ale; I eat some carbs in the form of pretzels, popcorn and vegtables and I often do that before I get a whole lotta protein in....a typical day for me is a medium dunkin donuts coffee with cream, maybe 1/2 a protein bar; cottage cheese for luch and then dinner is some steamed veggies and then later some pretzels with hot mustard or some microwave popcorn. I have to admit I tried to excersize and slacked after a few days. I don't want to blow this! I am very much looking forward to the holidays this year. I finally can see all my extended family withought them wondering how much weight I have gained..do I look fat, etc.

12.26.2003 Well, The Christmas party came and went and was pretty uneventful although I did reach my goal of 75 pounds by Christmas. the biggest 'ah ha" of the day was probably when we were taking digital photo's at my parents last night and when viewing them instead of thinking to myself "that can't be me I look so FAT!" I was thinking "that can't be me I look so THIN!" That was a super feeling! All is well, feeling good, and I think my new years resolution will be NO SUGAR EVER! i know as this year progresses it will be more and more tempting to try "just a bite" of this or that...but I am determined never to let refined sugar cross my lips again! I do not want to make a resolution that is to difficult as I will be disappointed if I cannot keep it, so I am sticking with the NO SUGAR RESOLUTION. I am very curious as to what this profile will say, what I will be typing this time next year. I have no clue where I will net out 1 year post op.

1.8.2004 HAPPY ELVIS' BIRTHDAY! Yes, my father is the biggest Elvis fan alive, and is a former Elvis impersonator. He has done concerts, etc. Most of the people in the city I live in and the surrouding areas all know my daddy as Elvis! Elvis' birthday is a high holy day around our house. I even changed my email signature at work for the day to say "Happy Elvis' Birthday"...(I am sure my boss, the VP, loved that...) I had another one of my "episodes" last night...every once in awhile, for no apparent reason (well, at least I don't see the reason) I get tremendous growing pain inmy stomach, much like a gallbladder attack, thoug I no longer have a gallbladder. It hurts like hell and nothing helps! I even called the DR. last night and they were stumped. My solution is to take a xanax and go to sleep and it is always gone in the morning. I am sure it some kind of gas or something...it is almost as if something gets "stuck" somewhere...last night I was even throwing up...even though there was nothing in my stomach and I had not eaten in hours...does anyone else get this? It has happened maybe 3 times in the last few months. Still, I am not complaining. Daily compliments from co-workers, catching glimpses and not recognizing myself in mirrors, and the way I feel when I walk take care of that.

1.11.2004 Something really freaky is going on! I am wearing a size 12 coat, blazer, fitted top, etc. When did that happen? These designers must be out of whack, cause there aint no way this chick can wear a 12???? That's what i thought when I bought my purple blazer last week, then I bought a coat yesterday and it was a 12 too....OK, I know I am surely going to be featured on Punk'd or the Jaime Kennedy show....I am only 4 months post op....where will I be this summer? In a 10? an 8? A 6? COME ON!!!!!!! iS THIS REALLY HAPPENING? I have never worn those sizes????? Well, maybe in kindergarten...This is literally a dream come true. When i was a younger (say 11, 12...) I used to play this game in my head: What would I do wish for if a genie granted me 3 wishes? I always wished 1. My Nanny (grandmother) would live forever...2. I would have long pretty fingernails (hey, I was 12 and this was before sculptured nails were the norm) and I would be a size 6 or 8...in other owrds, thin. Well, here it is...25 years later...Nanny is alive and kicking, my nails are long and lovely, and I am shrinking towards those magic size numbers. To my Genie: Thanks! You WERE listening after all! HUGS

2.15.2004 Hello Everyone, thanks for stopping by my profile page! I am now a little over 5 months out and have lost about 90 pounds. I have become a scale-a-holic, so I am taking some advice I received on this site and weighing only once a month on my anniversary date. This means I will not weigh myself again till March 8th. That is a tough one, cause I am all about the "constant reassurance" thing, but I realize it is a very healthy excersize in self control. I am consumed with things in my life right now: I am up for yet another promotion (I did not get the last 2 I tried so hard for), so I hope this time it is meant to be. I should know in a few days. Also, my father has stepped in and bought me a house! (I have to make the payments, but he is taking out the loan, putting the down money, etc.) I am so lucky to have wonderful parents! I also had roses delivered to my office on Friday from my mother! The card read "To my little girl, Love Mom"....This is NOT the kind of thing my mother does...she is not the sentimental type, so i have no clue what has gotten into those two! I am very excited about the house, but am dreading packing up THIS house (we rent a large house now)It is a beautiful townhouse with 2.5 bathrooms, a master suite, fireplace, etc. Now, about my WLS. I don't drink enough water (some days I drink.....NONE!) I drink diet soda although everyone acts like that is so terrible, i just don't agree, at least for me. I drink coffee too, so it is not like I get NO liquids in. I need to start eating in the mornings...I usually just have coffee and nothing else till lunch time. Then I was have a handful of nuts or some salad. Then when I get home from work, I prepare a wonderful meal for my husband while munching on some cheese or cheese crisps made in the microwave. I usually do NOT eat dinner. Then I will have some rice cakes later on, and another diet soda. NOT GOOD! I don't think I am getting enough nutrition and am just to lazy, and busy at the same time to make any changes. I continue to be amazed at the face and body I see in the mirror each day....I am wearing some 14's and some 12's. I am the thinnest I have ever been including when I was 21 and lost 80n pounds on weight watchers! I would recommend this surgery to anyone! It is a miracle, I don't care what anyone says, if this surgery is a tool, it is defintley a high end SNAP ON tool!

3.26.2004 It's been awhile since I updated and the miracles just keep happening. I am 6.5 months out and am down 104 pouunds, only about 20 pounds from goal, although everyone thinks I should stop losing now. The other night I was folding laundry and was folding jeans. I thought they were my 11 year old sons jeans, and then I realized they were MINE! How can I fit into something so SMALL? I was almost convinced they must have shrunk in the laundry, but they didn't...they FIT me...size 12, very confortable. All my tops are now mediums as is my new spring denim coat. I feel absolutley great about how I look and physically I feel the way I have always wanted: NORMAL. A new trainee at the office came to me today as she had heard I had WLS, she herself had it 2 years ago. She has recently gained 15 pounds, She said she eats sugar because "she can"...what a shame....to sabatoge yourself like that. I am thrilled to be in my new supervisor job, and we will be moving into our new house next month! Life is great!

June 11, 2004 Hello Everyone! Long time-no update! I have been through alot the last few months. We bought and moved into a beautiful new townhouse, my company announced they are closing my call center. I have put my heart and soul into my career and worked my way up to management and it really SUCKS! So now I am job hunting. I love my new house and my new neighborhood. It is wonderful to finally be a "normal" weight. I never thought I would be where I am now. I went to an amusement park that I had been to 2 years ago. I remember smashing into the seats and barely being able to get the restraints over my stomach. I remember standing in line and searching the line ahead of me for someone fatter than me so that I knew I would fit in the seat. This year, it was a dream. The restraints fit quite well. As a matter of fact, most of them had to be pulled much tighter than they were on the person who rode the ride before me. It was the greatest feeling!!!

Hello everyone! :type: Well, what a long strange trip it's been. I am coming up on one year out September 8th. So much has changed for me in the last year. I am at my goal weight, and staying there with really not a whole lot of effort! I am sure if applied myself, excersized more and concentrated on my protein and cut out the DAMN grapefruit juice that I LOVE, I could go even lower, but I am very happy just the way I am. 3 weeks ago from today, I was layed off as my company moved our call center out of state. :sniff: Today my severence check came and I realized that it really was over. The company that I gave my heart and sould to, that i rose through the ranks in to management is gone. I am now faced with starting over again somewhere else. In the meantime, I leave for the beach for 4 days on Monday with my best friend Regina, no men, just a 4 day 'girls gone wild' :beer: trip! I will be home for 2 weeks and then DH and i are jetting off to Ft. Lauderdale for 4 days....so life is good. :cool: Even though i know this subject has been covered ad nauseum, I still have to say that I have been to a local amusement park, Dorney Park twice this summer and am LOVIN' it! The bars on the roller coaster seats now come ALL the way down on me as opposed to not fitting or fitting very tight. I am apparenlty one of the 'thinner' visitors to the park and it did not escape me that the bar on the roller coaster was in the same position for me that it was for my skinny 11 year old son who was sitting next to me. What a miracle. I still avoid sugar and have not ingested one GRAIN of refined sugar since I had my surgery. Also, the new POST cereal bars with 10 grams of protein and 3 grams of net carbs are simply DEVINE. They taste just like a cinabon to me! Hope everyone is doing well....

9.15.2004. Well, I am now one a few days over one year post op. I am hovering around my doctor's goal weight, although I gained about 5 pounds recently, but I know that is due to me being out of work and inactive. My husband and I just flew back from Ft. Lauderdale on Monday avoiding Hurricane Ivan, and I am scheduled to start a new job as a NOC (Network Operation Center) Analyst on Monday morning. The only thing not going well is I had some kind of intestinal attack the first night in FL (Friday) and am now in fear that I have an intestinal blockage. I called my surgeon yesterday, but they do not seem concerned. They are to worried about me having my "one year labs done" and do not even want to see me until I have those done. Well, TOUGH. I am just going to go to the ER if I feel I need to then. Yesterday I felt extremely gassy and bloated and horrible. I used to get that feeling alot in the first few months after surgery after a day at work sometimes. But I have not felt like that since last winter. Last night I had some cramping, but I can tell I have become constipated. I woke up this morning feeling fine, but still constipated, so I took a laxative. I have no other syptoms, no nasuea, no fever, I can eat and drink so I do not want to jump the gun. My suregon feels that since I feel "better" each day and not worse, that everything is fine and there is no emergency. Other than this experience I really have had a good experience. I did my share of throwing up, and learning what I could and could not tolerate and adjusted as that changed over the last year. I have not had one granule of refined sugar and I never will again. I am ADAMANT about never ever even trying to ingest sugar again. I love Russel Stover sugar free toffee and other candies and I am sure I eat more of that than I should! The only thing I find I cannot eat is roast beef...which really STINKS since I LOVE it! I can eat steak and hamburger, but not roast beef, maybe it has something to do with the "shreds" of beef, but I tried it again a few weeks ago and threw it up....so I just don't eat it now. I sometimes eat "bad" foods like CHIPS! (ate some on vacation), but would not dream of eating them on a normal day. I eat lots of cheeses, eggs, chicken, SEAFOOD, steak, burger, milk, protein bars here and there, sugar free pudding, sugar free ice cream. I drink diet coke and my surgeon has no problem with it. My life and body feel "normal" to me. I wear a size 12 jeans and a meduim top. My ring size on my wedding finger shrank from a size 8 to a 6.5. The most amazing thing was pointed out to me by one of my best friends: if you look at my pictures below, look at the first one of me in the "blue whale" bathing suit. Now look at my HAND. Now look at the 3rd picture, my "after" picture: look how BIG my hand looks against my thigh! It is the same hand, only it looks HUGE against a MUCH MUCH smaller thigh. Her pointing that out was a real AHA moment for me!

11.17.2004 I don't know how else to describe it, but I think I feel GUILT when
I EAT!!! I think I am TOTALLY WHACKED! I am 3 pounds under goal, although I admit my weight seems to fluctuate easily in a 5 pound span....I am SKIN and bones (mostly SKIN!!!); my size 10, 12 and mediums are getting BIGGER and BIGGER on me, and yet I still feel I cannot let myself eat. Today is a perfect example. I feel HUNGRY today for some reason. So far today I have had coffee, about 4 strips of bacon, 20 ounces of water and that is it. I am at work and I have an apple, half a cup of cottage cheese and a few chunks of cheddar cheese here for later. I can tell that since I am in the mood to eat, I will eat the cheeses and the apple before the night is over (I work 3-11 for a Network Operations Center). I will feel BAD cause I ate these things, then when I get home tonight if I am hungry I will AGONIZE over wether to eat something or not. Yesterday, I had some cottage cheese and an apple. That is all I ate all day, when I got home at 11:30 PM there was chili that I had cooked all day in the crock pot for my DH and I AGONIZED over whether or not to let myself have some. (I did eat about a cup of it). I think that I am crazy with this thinking and it scares me that if I am this out of control in this direction (not eating), I would easily spin out of control in the other direction: (pigging out).

You are 19% geek

OK, so maybe you ain't a geek. You do, at least, show a bit of interest in the world around you. Either that, or you have enough of a sense of humor to pick some of the sillier answers on the test. Regardless, you're probably a pretty nifty, well-rounded person who gets along fine with people and can chat with just about anyone without fear of looking stupid or foolish or overly concerned with minutiae. God, I hate you.

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