My Sweet Hamlet - 4 year old Half Shi-Tzu half Poodle. The sweetest dog ever =)
March 5, 2005
Hello! My name is Danielle. Nice to meet all of you. I'm 29 years old and have been fighting obesity since age 6. Childhood obesity has grown over the years, however when I was a child it was less common. I've been on so many diets to this point that every time I get put on a new one "I" can tell "them" what the diet is. It's actually pretty funny. I've been working on getting this surgery for the past 35 months (3 years on April 15th). I've done so much research that I feel like I've almost had the surgery already. My journey so far has been long.. and hard.. discouraging at best. I've been denied a total of 3 times so far but keep fighting. The company I work for and my insurance company could really care less. I've done all I was supposed to do according to the insurance company yet they still will not approve me. My plan doesn't actually cover WLS or even obesity in any way so I feel that I'm fighting a losing battle. It's like rowing a boat up river with a wet noodle!
I had a profile on here at one point, however it was over a year since I updated and it has disappeared =). So I'm going to tell you all about myself and my journey to date.
My friend of 21 years had WLS a little over 2 and half years ago. Her surgeon was Dr. Raul Mirande and she has nothing but wonderful things to say about him. My friend was about 130 (i think) overweight when she had her surgery. She has had no complications and is currently doing well! Wow! She's done a great job and is still working on it. Watching her through her journey has been a great inspiration to me. After seeing her success I decided to do some research. I'm the kind of person that has to over-analyze everything, so I did a lot of research and a lot of thinking and decided to try for the surgery. I ended up trying about 6 months too late. The company I work for was purchased by another company and our insurance company changed from Cigna to Gallagher Benefits/Providence Preferred. 6 months... it seems that those 6 months of overanalyzing was the worse decision of my life, and perhaps the one that will stay with me forever.
Like many of you out there my insurance company will not approve WLS (or any treatment for obesity whatsoever even). I can't tell you how many times I've been on the phone with them. Too many to count. Hundreds I'm sure. I've spoken with HR in my company and it's gone all the way to our corporate offices and the head of HR and it seems that according to them and the insurance company I'm pretty much SOL =). Appeal letter after appeal letter to no avail. I certainly can't afford to pay for it out of pocket. Not even close! haha
As of now, I'm looking into a personal loan I can't seem to get approved for the amount I need without paying out more than I can afford monthly for payments. It's a catch 22 I'm afraid. We'll see how it goes.
The hardest thing is that I've spent my entire life Obese. Not just overweight, but I've been MORBIDLY obese since 3rd grade. The early years of my life are a blur! I think I've blocked them! I remember feeling so alone through school. I mean, I always had a lot of friends so that wasn't the problem, but it's hard to be one of the only 'fat' people in school. Even though I was involved in plenty of things I always felt like I was on the outside looking in. Going into adulthood I feel the same way. I'm a Supervisor for the company I now work for, and let me tell you I have to sometimes force myself to make myself heard. It's so hard, spending most your life trying to blend into the background and never be noticed, to having to speak in front of people and be strong. I am definitely not a "Type A" personality, but I have to force myself to display some of those traits or else everyone would walk all over me. Which definitely happens, but I'm getting better about it. What's funny is that I hardly know who I am. I'm like a chameleon - always changing to suit the situation. It's hard to know what's really me and what's actually me pretending to be me. I know that doesn't make much sense, but having to put on a facade my whole life I don't know if I even have a me or if I'm just a product of my environment and the people in it. Do you know what I mean? I definitely have thoughts of my own and certain characteristics that are all me, but I don't know how to express my true self with confidence. There! I think I said what I'm trying to say.
Everyone knows how hard it is to lose weight... what they don't know is how easy it is to gain it back. Stop doing what you were doing to lose and BOOM a week later you're back where you started. How many of us have dieted and lost 20 pounds and then gained it back only double? And yes, some if it is our own fault. But no, not all of it - How can it be my all my fault when I've been Morbidly Obese since such a young age? What was I thinking then? Oh, wow, I think I want to go eat a bunch of stuff that's really bad for me then lay around and be lazy? I'm sorry, but I just can't accept that my obesity began because as a young child I was 'lazy' like people believe. Kids want to go and have fun and do stuff and play and runaround acting like a KID! Not an overweight little person who everyone makes fun of. I admit that now that I've had to live with it my whole life I'm an emotional eater. It's comfort. Comfort and safety. And yes, it's Love too. Food is always there for you when you need it, it comforts you when you're sad, it accompanies you when you're happy, it's there when you go out and have fun, it's back at home when you're bored, it'll always give you something to do. But then.. you hate food too... Food is the addiction that you just can't kick... it keeps with you, it's everywhere you go, it's in all your thoughts and it fights with you to keep itself there. So... that is my love hate relationship with food and I know some of you feel the same way. Or at least I hope so!!
So let me tell you know what I'm doing for myself.. Or what I'm TRYING to do for myself! ha! I go to the gym 3 times a week (I was sick a couple of weeks ago so I wasn't able to go and then went on vacation and wasn't able to go then either, but I'm back to it now!) I've cut down my intake of food.. hopefully that will keep going. I'm working on it.. and trying my best.. but I feel deep down that it's not going to work.. again. That's my problem... I'll go and go and go for like 6 months.. and really stick to it.. I'll see like 10lbs lost and be like WOW I'm doing good.. then nothing.. no weight loss... no added energy.. no nothing... and I'll get discouraged and stop. It's hard.. SO hard to keep yourself motivated when you've been trying your whole life to fix one thing! ONE THING... sheeesh! Your whole life hating yourself and seeing the looks in other peoples eyes and the expressions on their faces when they look at you. Knowing that they are disgusted and wanting them to look past what they see. Wanting desperately to be accepted and longing for someone who understands how you feel and what you've gone through your whole life.
Enough of that stuff, dangit!
Then, there are those people in your life that you are so thankful to have. My mom and dad who since after high school have been so great to me. Always understanding and trying to help whenever they could. They never fail to make me feel good about myself when I truly need it. My friends who love me for who I am and think I'm beautiful no matter what! Gotta love that! To my sister who also battles with her weight but has seemed to gotten hers under control after some problems with anorexia and obesity. She's an inspiration. That leaves my partner who is such a huge part of my life. She and I have been together for almost 7 years (7 years April 14th!!) She tries so hard to understand what I'm going through and tries so hard to be patient with me. But it's hard, and I admit it, to not be able to do things normal people can do because of my weight issues. Not wanting to go out in public much because I'm too self conscious. Not being able to do things normal people do. Can't sit in a booth at a restaurant because there's not enough room, can't go on a plane because the seats are made for barbie unless go into business/1st class and who can afford that? Not us. Not being able to go to Disneyland because I can't fit on the rides and get too tired to walk around too long. Can't go to very many plays (which we've found that we really enjoy) because the seats are so small I have to wedge myself in. By intermission my legs hurt so bad from the seat digging into them that I feel like I'm going to vomit. Not being able to hike or go up in a hot air balloon or go water skiing or snow skiing because of the problems with my feet and knees. It's a trial but she stands by me... (even if she gets frustrated!!) It's hard to ask someone to live through what we have to when they DON'T have to.. Know what I mean?
Anyway! Sorry to ramble on, but I wanted to bring this up to date and share my own story. We'll see how it goes with my WLS. I would love to have it and think the tool would be something I could use to improve my health, my way of life and give me the strength to be myself!!
Have a great day!
Hamlet, playing with his favorite toy - Yes.. his favorite toy is a plastic hanger.. Strange I know but it's so sweet to watch him wrap himself all up in it and then walk around with it. Soooo cute.
March 6, 2005
Hello again! I realized that I forgot some information when I posted yesterday. (I know... you wonder... how can that be? Wow, this girl is looooooong-winded!) Anyway, what I forgot to mention is that I've quit smoking as of mid January (woohoo), I'm doing pretty good, a couple of slips because of a deal I made with my partner, but other than that it's going very well! I've also quit drinking Soda (boy that was tough!!) and I've quit biting my fingernails which has been going very well and is very strange as I've been doing it my whole life! Those are some very positive things I've tried to do for myself this year and so far they're working well. I'm very excited about the whole thing and hope I can keep it up! I want to thank those of you who have offered me support via email (and just since yesterday! I can't begin to tell you how wonderful you people are) it's really made a difference.
I've researched Vocational Rehabilitation help yesterday and little bit today and I'm hoping to get some sort of assistance but am unsure how to go about it. We'll see how it goes! Wish me luck!
Have a great day!
Hamlet after a shave!! It gets pretty hot here in summer and he has slight asthma so we try and keep him cooled off. Isn't he precious?
March 9, 2005
So... I had a bit of bad news today, I found out that the surgery is going to cost a lot more than we had figured even though we're paying on our own without insurance. I had actually found a lender that I thought would work out with the payments I *might* be able to afford. I called the hospital just to double check my figures and the price has gone up! too much for me to get a loan for and still be able to make the payments. Not sure what to do from here but I posted a message to the board and I've gotten some great responses and I thank you all so much for your help and thoughts. I will keep this updated. I think I've decided to go to my PCP to get on a 6 month medically supervised diet and try AGAIN to fight my insurance company. It's possible that they'll just get sick of me, but I doubt it.. it's pretty clear on our plan that it's not covered at all (along with ANY type of treatment for obesity which I personally think should be considered discrimination). We'll see how it goes. I've got some things to consider from the responses from the message I posted. I thank you all again for those responses.
Have a nice night =) I'll update again soon.
A very very sleepy Hamlet, letting me know it's time for bed!
Good afternoon everyone. I'm a little frazzled today!! My partners 16 year old little brother is coming to live with us and we will be his legal guardians. It's strange... become an instant parent to a teenage boy. There are so many things to think about and so many things to get in order before he arrives on Saturday. Not only will we have another person in the house another mouth to feed and a whole new set of responsibilities, but it's another setback on my journey. I won't be able to continue to save money as he will need things. I mean.. don't get me wrong.. I'll be able to save some, just not as much. I'm hoping that the new 6 month diet thing will work and my insurance company will decide that they're being big jerks about the whole thing and they should just pay for it ;). Wish me luck on that one. At this point, I have decided to put the surgery on hold until the 6 month diet is over and then just fight like hell when it's over. Making that decision has removed some stress from me that I don't need to carry right now. With him coming to live with us that's what I want to focus on. So!!! I'm going to do my diet, work out at the gym, watch over him and live my life to the fullest. Then... we'll see how it goes after 6 months is up! Thanks again to everyone who has shown support for me! I appreciate it!
One more thing.. Sometimes I just have to laugh at myself. I saw a post on the message board about setting up a fund or something similar to help aid people in getting WLS. I have so many conflicting opinions on this that I'm sure my posts made me sound totally scatterbrained, but there are so many things to consider. I just had to laugh at myself... hopefully someone else was laughing at me too !! Haha!
Have a great night everyone!
Here is a Pic of Dwayne - the 17 year old who lives with us off on and on. Flo's Brother
Whatta cutie patootie!
Hi everyone! Hey!!! I'm kind of proud of myself, I got my picture on my profile. I'm very happy about that. Not so happy with the picture, but happy that it's there finally. Anyway.. I'm a little scared right now as I'm "acquiring a teenage boy" haha! My partners brother is coming to live with us and we will be his legal guardians. It's a bit scary to all of a sudden have a teenager that you're responsible for. I know we can do it.. it's just different.. and I'm unsure of myself. I think things will be fine.. but there's still that fear in the back of your mind that fights it's way through the optimism and says " you will fail... he will hate you.. you won't be able to control him... you'll screw him up for life ".. Now.. I know none of that is true.. but it's still fighting it's way to the front of my mind. We'll see how it goes. By the way.. Yippeeee.. as I stated in previous posts, I've been working out and quit smoking and etc etc.. well.. I purposefully didn't weigh myself for the first 3 and half weeks and then decided that I would weigh once a month... so... it was my "once a month" and I've lost 5 pounds! Weeee I'm pretty happy with that and I'm trying not to tell myself that I'll just gain it back like I always do.. and that this time maybe... Well, we'll see =) Wish me luck!!!!
Have a great night everyone!
This is Hamlet when he begs.. He will sit like that for an entire meal. So strange.. but adorable.
Today is the day!!!! Dwayne (new 16 year old I'm "acquiring" heh) and Flo (my significant other) will be here this evening! I want to thank everyone so much for the wonderful responses I received to my mini-freak out post last night. haha. All the advice was wonderful and all things that I pretty much had an idea about but what was said really pushed things into perspective for me so that I could make my scattered thoughts into a plan of action. So thanks again!
This insurance company is GOING TO APPROVE ME SOONER OR LATER DANGIT! haha.. We'll see how it goes. I also want to thank those people that have sent me encouraging emails and the advice of so many. Again it is much appreciated and I hope to be able to return the favor. Please feel free to email me at any time and I will respond as soon as I receive. Again (and I know I'm redundant) THANK YOU ALL for being so wonderful.
Here he is getting ready to run around the house while we play "tag".. he runs around like crazy and I reach out and try to catch him.. he thinks it's great fun!!
March 24, 2005
Everything is going ok with Dwayne so far... We've all sat down and had some really long talks and he seems to be a very smart young man who just wasn't getting the support and encouragement that he needs. His grades are horrible but we'll attempt to remedy that. All in all I think it's been a good few days. We've had some fun AND talked about responsibilities and communication. We let him know that we care for him and want to be there for him through it all and if he is open with use we will be open with him. I have high hopes and am extremely optimistic that things will work out well.
On another note - there is another Bariatrics Clinic in my area that I was unsure about at first because I hadn't heard much about them, and I was going to stick with my original plan of wanting Dr. Mirande as my surgeon but if you've read the rest of my profile you'll see that It's just too expensive through Dr. Mirande and the hospital in Klamath Falls - this new clinic has 4 surgeons all of which are very skilled (still need to do some extensive research on them to feel comfortable enough to have them cut into my body and rearrange my parts lol) and seem to be very caring. The projects coordinator for the Clinic is a WLS patient who is very heavy into helping people who need the surgery get it. She is also associated with people who have had the surgery and want to help others who have had it by offering unsecured loans or secured loans (depending on who the lender would be) and these people are doing it as personal loans - not through a bank or whatever and they're paying upfront and then they put the person asking for the loan on a payment plan. I'm a little unsure about this so I don't know for sure if I want to go to a private lender. Don't want there to be issues in the long run even though the interest might be less. Either way the price at this Clinic is $29,000 which is $5000 less than the other. So that's a good thing and this $29,000 includes the psych eval (already had one but might have to do another) nutritionist/dietician appt's all pre-op appts/testing anesthesiologist, hospital bill, assistant fee and surgeon fee so I'm pretty happy with their package deal. I guess we'll see how it goes. I still have some research to do on these surgeons and I have to go to their specific lecture (been to 5 seminar/lectures already - 4 online one in person) on April 7th. So.. I'll go to the seminar and quiz the Surgeons lol! We'll see how it goes. Wish me luck!! Have a great afternoon everyone.
He walked up and sniffed the camera right as the picture was getting ready to be taken. He's so cute.
April 3, 2005
Well, things are going ok lately. Dwayne is in school and seems to be doing ok. I've gained 4 of the 5 pounds back but it's that time of the month so I'm hoping it's water retention weight. I'm looking forward to the seminar on the 7th. Hoping to get things moving again. I'll post again sometime after the seminar when I've gotten some more information.
April 5, 2005
So, things are going ok. I've been home sick from work the past 2 days and not feeling well... have hardly been on here at all and have been just miserable. Stomach flu-vomiting-etc...
Hopefully I can get back tomorrow as I'm not in a position to miss much work at all. I've gained 2 more of the 5 pounds back, not sure why because I've thrown up all of what was in me the last two days. Who knows, once I get back to the gym maybe it'll just go away again. I have the seminar on the 7th and I'm still looking forward to it. Can't wait to meet the surgeons and see what they're like.
Just wanted to put another quick note in here about how supportive my Flo is. She is very supportive of me and is always telling me how much she cares.
Ok, that's it for now.. I'm off to take a little nap.
Everyone have a great week.
May 16, 2005
Ok, it's been awhile! I've been... hmm.. I'm trying to think of something to say instead of saying that I've been spending too much time on the message board lol. Oh well. I have been.
I would like to share 2 wonderful things with all of you.
I have met a wonderful person on here. A great new friend who I really enjoy laughing and talking with. She's very funny, very supportive and just a big softy! She already means a lot to me and I'm glad I've gotten to know her.
Another wonderful thing is that I think we've finally found a way to get me my surgery!! Woohoo! I don't want to say too much as I don't want to jinx myself so until I find out for sure mums the word!
Have a great day everyone!
June 21, 2005
Hi everyone.. It's been awhile since I've posted a real entry.
Things have been pretty crazy. Don't even know where to start or what to say or anything lol. If my update seems scattered, it's because right now I really am scattered hehe
Flo (my partner) and her sister were talking on the phone a couple of months ago. Her sister told her that their parents had given her $10,000 to pay for her wedding and had told her that they were going to give the same amount to Flo. So... we decided to use that for my surgery. I am going to Dr. Alejandro Aguirre in Ensenada Mexico. I have been in constant contact with Rosella (who is Dr. Aguirre's daughter). Everything is in order at this time. I'm so thankful.. I don't think I ever would have been able to afford this if it were not for Flo's parents. So that is how I have a surgery date for August 9th. So I'm very happy... VERY HAPPY! I'm excited.. but NERVOUS. I'm mostly nervous about going to Mexico. Never been there.. Don't speak Spanish.. We'll see how it goes.
Work is super crazy right now and I don't even want to get into that.
Flo is kinda needy right now. She's scared about the surgery and doesn't want anything to happen to me so she's been very NEEDY lately. It isn't helping that my schedule has changed so that we work almost opposite shifts. I think after surgery she'll be fine... It'll just take her some time.
Hamlet is doing good =) Love that little guy.. he's a sweet dog.
I have an Angel.. The sweetest kindest angel anyone could have. she really means a lot to me and lately I've felt like I've been neglecting her. (if you happen to read this ***SMOOOOCH***)
Hmmm.. Not sure what else I have to talk about other than I started smoking again.. I know BAD!! BAD BAD!! I will quit though..I'm too scared of having surgery while smoking. I've been a bit stressed lately.. yeah I know, no excuses. I'll quit. I however have not started biting my nails OR drinking soda, so 2 outta 3 isn't bad.
My dieting has taken a nosedive... I'm eating everything lol.. I think I know why though.. I'm worried that I'm not going to be able to eat certain things after surgery.. but I think what I'm actually doing is hurting myself.. which is dumb. I need to be more careful.
My mom is coming with me and Flo to Mexico and my friend and neighbor Dominique will be watching hamlet.. she said she'll even let him sleep on her bed.. because he can't sleep by himself lol
My dad can't come for the whole time but will be flying down for 4 or so days while we're there! At least I hope he can make it. My mom and dad could come up together but then my mom would only be there for 4 days and I'm a big baby (at 29) and she has to be there the whole time lol
Ok everyone.. Thanks all for the support.. I will try and update more often.. I get sidetracked lol
July 7, 2005
so.. today is a Thursday.. and Tomorrow is my Friday and boy am I happy about that. I'm working a new schedule at work lately 11am - 7:30pm and I'm not liking it much. The day goes by SO SLOW. It's driving me batty.
I've been spending less and less time on the Message Board and I miss the people a lot. I try to come on as much as possible, but sometimes when I do I can't think of anything to say so I just sit there watching everyone else lol. I still talk with my Angel and my dear friend Christine and a couple of others but I really don't pay enough attention to them.
My Flo has been going through some rough times as my surgery nears and I've been spending as much time with her as possible as we are now working totally opposite shifts. The shift change is hard, and having surgery so close is even more difficult. She's been emotional.. I don't blame her.. I go through the same things.. I just handle it in a different way.. I've always been the kind to turn inward and reflect in that manner than to be outspoken about it.
Hamlet got a haircut the other day and looks like a handsome little guy. He's been shivering a bit as he's not used to having so little hair yet. It'll get better. (wish I was shivering!! it's so dang hot here)
So I'm up for a promotion at work and I'm worried about how that's going to go.. I think I've got a good chance but you never really know.. ya know?
I've been doing a lot of thinking.. wondering how I let myself get to the point I'm at. I go back as far as I can and recall my childhood and all the things that have shaped me into being the person I am now. I realize that there are a lot of things that have shaped me... one of which was my childhood and things that happened then. Then there are other things that are best not be displayed in this type of forum lol.
My mom was diagnosed with MS when I was 16.. it was very rough and hard for me to understand. Harder more so on my parents. Money was always an issue but it really turned bad after that.. the medical bills everything was just so much.. it was horrible. By the time I was 19 my mom was in a wheel chair and unable to walk more than a few steps on her own.. By the time I was 23 she was only in the wheel chair when going somewhere that required an excess of walking.. such as grocery shopping etc. I have to tell you that some people are just so horrible. I cannot tell you how many times I went off on someone while pushing my mom in her wheel chair. I seriously have an issue with people who don't realize how difficult it is for someone in a wheelchair. Do you think they WANT to be there??? NO. They want to be able to walk around like everyone else. Oh it's very frustrating. Anyway. to continue on.. =oP By the time I was 26 My mom was completely out of her wheelchair walking exercising and fighting her disease still. Forcing herself to go through the pain. The last couple of years she has done so well.. She has lost a lot of weight and she has been riding a tandem bike with my dad. They go on major bike rides.. they go on the annual bike ride from Seattle to Portland and ride every weekend all around the Valley. miles and miles and miles a weekend. This from a woman who used to live her life in a wheelchair. How can I not respect her? My dad is a recovering alcoholic and has been clean and sober since I was 17. He and I are a lot alike. Very stubborn and always think we're right =oP we get along very well. I worked with him in his landscape maintenance business for 4 years and we got to know each other as people instead of just father daughter. I respect the man he has become also.
It's my sister and I that are all screwed up. She and I went different ways.. she became anorexic and almost died when I was 13 and she was 17. It was horrible. She was in the hospital for a long time.. she then ballooned out and gained a bunch of weight and then again was anorexic.. back and forth like that until now she's a nice size 14 - sometimes down to a 12 sometimes up to a 16 but she's good with all of that and works hard to keep herself where she feels she needs to be. She'll always have problems going back and forth but that's life. I on the other hand have been MO FOREVER lol and I just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger.. try to fade into the background.. try to keep all attention away. That's what I'm trying to change. I'm very unhealthy. But I'm a happy person. I'm in love and have been for 7 years.. no matter whether we're having good times or bad times the love never fades and that's a good thing. I have a dog I adore.. my dog has a cat that I'd be sad if she were gone.. I have a house (paying for it still) I have a job.. I have a few people I call friends around me and then I have the few people I call friends here on OH.. Once I have my surgery.. and work the tool like crazy maybe I'll discover the part of me that I've kept hidden. I always feel like I'm not a real person.. just a byproduct of my environment - a chameleon.. always changing to suit the situation. Perhaps one day I will be able to find the real me and work at liking who I am.
Love to you all and have a great week.
7/22/05 - Friday
So ... How are you all doing? I'm doing well I suppose. I got a promotion at work YIPPEEEEE!!!! and my surgery is 18 days away (not including today!!!!!) I'm very excited and nervous at the same time. My Angel (Tooter) made a nice post yesterday and people just flocked to my surgery page.. what a lovely group. I haven't been spending much time on the boards lately.. the shift i'm working right now is horrible and I don't get much time with Flo, so the time I'm at home I'm spending with her. But when I start my new shift and new responsibilities I'll have A LOT more time and I'm excited about that. WEEE.
Everything is going as planned and I'm glad to be able to stop off and see a friend of mine from right here on OH on the way back from Mexico. I'm really looking forward to it. Next year sometime I hope be heading up to Washington to see my sister and while I'm there I hope to visit with my good friend and angel.
Today seems to be a day for reflection and I'm in the mood to tell people how I feel about them and boy if I had the chance I'd be calling a few people on this website and making a fool out of myself being mushy to them. Anyway.. I love you all - the ones who matter to me, and the ones I don't know. You are all family of a sort and whether we ever meet or ever talk or anything of the sort it still doesn't negate the fact that we have lived similar lives and felt similar feelings and for that we will all be connected somehow. Doesn't mean you have to like me.. or I have to like you.. but somewhere through it all we're alike in certain ways.
Hope you all stay cool for the rest of the summer.
Ok.. So I know it's been a REALLY long time since I updated. A lot has happened - sheesh!! I had my surgery August 9, 2005. It seems really wierd saying that. It really does. I'm almost 4 months out and I've lost 88.5lbs. I just weighed today. I try not to weigh too much.. I don't want to get all freaky about it ya know?
So, the surgery went well. I had it in Ensanada Mexico with Dr. Aguirre. I liked him and his daughter Rosella very much. I really don't want to get too much in detail about the experience. It was good and we enjoyed our time in Mexico.
I did have a lot of pain - I had never had a surgery before and was not prepared for everything I would feel. I had heard it over and over again, but still was not prepared. I did well in recovery for the most part. Probably didn't walk as much as I should have but man - no one strong enough was around to hoist me off the chair or bed or loveseat all of which were REALLY REALLY low to the ground. Poor Flo.. she was such a trooper.. she tried really hard but really had no idea how to care for me. We figured it out together.
The nurses were good for the most part and I didn't ever need anything they didn't give me, however I think they forgot to give me my last dose of pain meds before I left the hospital and then had to wait about 6 hours before Rosella got the Sublingual pain meds to me. I was grumpy and in pain by the time she got there. I couldn't lay in the bed and had to sleep on the loveseat for the rest of our time in the Apartment. When we moved to the Hotel I had to sleep sitting up in the bed. It was interesting.
When we got home I had sleep in the recliner for a couple of weeks as it was too difficult to move around.
Have I mentioned the binder from hell yet? Because if not I have to. The binder ... Oh how I hated the binder. And I wore it exactly like they told me for the exact time they told me. lol I hate that thing. Nothing is more uncomfortable. I carry a lot of my weight around my hips and belly and then have a smaller waist so the darn thing would roll up or bunch up in the small of my back. Which brings me to another thing. I don't like epiderals. It hurt and caused me back issues for the first 2.5 months post op dangit. It's better now, but I still remember it and am not happy about it lol
I bought a compression type garment that are like underwear but they go up to right under my breasts. I wear that most days as it makes my incision feel better for some reason. I wonder why that is? Strange.
Well... that's about it when it comes to the surgery itself. My incision didn't get infected although it did leak here and there. There's one spot that hasn't healed completely. About the size of the tip of a ball point pen. I can't figure out why either. I think it's just taking me awhile to heal.
My hair is falling out like crazy.. I have lost SOOOO much hair. It's really freaking me out. I don't know if I'm going to have any left by my 6th month dangit.
I have a really hard time getting all of my protein in but I'm trying. I'm doing very good with my vitamins and am usually really good about getting all my water in. Some days I can't get it all but on average 95% of the time I get all of my water in. I hope I'm doing ok lol
I'm happy with my weight loss, but I'm still waiting to see it. I see it in my face but still when I look at myself I see the same old Danielle. Soon I hope I start catching up with the people who tell me I look like I'm losing weight. Someone told me the other day "if you lose anymore you're going to blow away in the wind". What kind of comment is that?? I still weight 285.5. There's NO WAY I'm blowing away in the wind. I think some people just don't know how to say it... ya know? That's ok though. I still haven't told many people about the surgery. It's not that I'm uncomfortable I just don't want to go into it with everyone. Know what I mean? I get enough of "you can only eat how much?" "are you sure you can eat that?" "how many bites can you take before you're full?" 's lol I get that from the few friends I told and the few family members. Who knows.. I guess they're just curious but sheeeesh.. Let a lady eat dangit. The time they take away by asking questions that I have to answer takes away from my 15 minutes of chow time lol
I've had a few ups and downs which I was expecting but certainly not prepared for. Emotions and hormones and oh my gosh. I just don't even know how to explain it. I'm getting better now but hey.. who knows.. it may pop it's ugly head back up again. I guess you never know, right?
I have been here on the boards but I hadn't updated my profile. I really don't know why. I think I wanted to step away from it for awhile and see how I truly felt about everything before updating. I regret now not updating as I would have liked to have gone back and see what state of mind I was in at different stages. Know what I mean?
I hope everyone out there is doing well.. I miss you and I've thought about you a lot - when I'm not around and when I am.
((hugs)) and Love to you all.
Danielle (oh yeah! one more time... 11.5 lbs till I reach 100lbs lost!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Hello again everyone!! My Flo threw me a surprise 30th Birthday Party on November 12th and I wanted to post a couple of pictures from it. I hope you all are doing well - it was so nice to seem some familiar faces on the MB tonight.. It was wonderful. Love you all.
This is Flo, me, my sister and her girlfriend Lisa. This is Flo and our good friend David
From left to right: My friend Jennifer who had RNY 4 years ago, Deborah, me, Dominique & Jacklyn
And here's our Christmas tree!! I LOVE Christmas.
Ok.. that's enough for now! Have a great one everbody!!!!
Hey there.. so I thought it was time to do a little update. I'm doing well. Tired right now lol - just not enough sleep today.
I updated my profile at the bottom with a new pic from today and here's one of just my face.
20 days post op and Today 3/23/06
I hope everyone is doing well. Mostly I'm just working and trying to get over Bronchitis at this point. Other than that I'm just hanging out I guess.
((hugs)) to you all! Danielle
5/21/06 @ 213lbs.
A new picture. Just thought I'd put it in here.
Hellllloooo to everyone I haven't spoken to in awhile. I've been working like crazy!!
8/08/05 - 374lbs
8/31/05 - 339lbs
12/7/05 - 283.5lbs
3/08-06 - 242lbs (psst.. that's -132lbs just in case you were unsure)
Created by Patty, 07.17.05
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