Lyrics to Take Me As I Am by Mary J. Blige[Verse 1:]She's been down and outShe's been wrote aboutShe's been talked about, constantlyShe's been up and downShe's been pushed aroundBut they held her down, NYCShe has no regretsShe accepts the pastAll these things theyhelped make to make sheShe's been lost and foundAnd she's still aroundThere's a reason for everythingYou know I've been holdin on.Try to make me weak,But I still stay strong.Put my life all up in these songsJus so you can feel me.[Chorus:]So take me as I am,or have nothing at all.Just take me as I am,or have nothing at all.[Verse 2:]Now she's older nowYes, she's wiser nowCan't disguise her nowShe don't needNo one tellin herWhat to do and sayNo one tellin herWho to beShe's on solid groundShe's been lost and foundNow, she answers to G-O-DAnd she's confidentThis is not the endAsk me how I knowCause she is me.You know I've been holdin on.Try to make me weak,But I still stay strong.Put my life all up in these songsJus so you can feel me.[Chorus:]So take me as I am,or have nothing at all.Just take me as I am,or have nothing at all.[Bridge: 2x]So it's all or nothing at all,All or nothing at allDon't you know I can only be me.(I can only be me, yeah)[Chorus:]So take me as I am,or have nothing at all.Just take me as I am,or have nothing at all.Take me as I am.Take me as I am.Said it's all or nothing at allSaid it's all or nothing at allJust take me as I am,or have nothing at all. (This is me)Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)or have nothing at all.Just take me as I am, (take me as i am)or have nothing, nothing at all.Take me as I am.
1st I want to give all praises and glory to God for giving me this wonderful opportunity at a new life. He is giving me a second chance and I want to take Him up on it!
Well I started my journey 6/08/05. I have had ups and downs but I know that everything will work out in God's timing. I have had blood work down so many times, I've had the sleep study, PFT, Cardio, and the Psyche eval done. I've done everything! During this process I found out that I had the beginning stages of an ulcer so needless to say I had to get that fix. I've had 2 treatments so prayerfully it is gone!I started out with Turning Point and Dr. Capps was the physician. However, during this time he was called away for the military so I was transferred to Dr. Barker. I do not want to say anything negative at this point, I could....but I won't! Anyway, I have Medicare so I do not have to worry about pre-qualification, its just a matter of getting a date for the surgery. I called the beginning of Dec '05 and was told, "Mr. Barker is booked for Dec so you have to call back next month." Ok, I thought but now I'm at a point of saying what in the world!?! I am ready to get this weight off of me!
Even though I have this weight on me, I still consider myself a diva! So don't get it twisted.....I have been blessed not to have the "normal" side affects of super morbid obesity. My blood pressure is slightly elevated and they put me on a pill for that. I had a tumor removed from my right knee and thigh in 6/04 and I am walking with the assistance of a cane. I walked better before the surgery but I needed the surgery. I was clinically diagnosed with depression 11/01, but have battled with depression for a very long time. I do not want to encounter the bad health that runs in my family. We have a history of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure...you name it, it is in my family. I am trying to avoid all of that!!! Besides, I don't have any children and I'm pretty sure my weight has something to do with it. I want to be able to play with my children not watch them play. Yes, I'm starting late in life with child bearing, but I asked God a long time ago, to help me in this area. I wanted my child(ren) to experience the same joy I had growing up in a two parent household. I didn't want a drive-by daddy in my child's life! I want both parents in the household and a loving environment. Trust me when I say it is all God cuz its not like I didn't try to get pregnant at one point or another. I was like I am getting too old I need to have a child running around, and besides a child will give me the unconditional love that I crave. I haven't been blessed with a child yet, but it is coming. I hadn't planned on writing a lot but maybe my story might help someone along the way. So here goes:
I've been through a lot of things starting from the tender age of 3 yrs old. Yes you read that right...3. I have been through molestations (at the age of 3 and 9), rapes (a few and this also includes date rape. Ages: 16, and 18) emotional abusive relationships, and divorce. I felt like I was not worthy of love and that the things that happened to me I deserved. I blamed myself for the wrong others did to me. I was determined not to rely on medication to cope with what was going on in my life. I have my moments but I am nothing like I was! I praise God for that!!!
Fast forward.....I've been thinking about WLS for 5 yrs and decided it was time to do it. I was afraid and then I couldn't get any insurance. I was declared disabled 2.5 yrs ago. So you know that messes with my emotions! I am too young to live like this. Trust me I am tired of being broke....you can't live off of that money, especially when you are used to living a certain way! But I am not complaining cuz at least I am blessed with this. It could be nothing! Praise God!!!
Right now I am waiting, waiting, and waiting for the surgery date. I have to admit I am a little frustrated seeing that I have read so many pages and they have a surgery date and still going through testing. I have nada, nothing, just time on my hands. I want to at least have a date to look forward to!! You would think that since I don't have insurance approval to go through it would be much easier for me. I will call the office and see what they are saying. I am eager to get started!! During this time I have went through several emotions: scared...eager...excitement...frustration...and skeptical. At times I've wondered is this going to happen for me? And then I think, God wouldn't have opened doors for me if it wasn't going to happen. I didn't have the money to go through different programs and I couldn't get insurance. So I was like what in the world am I going to do? Then, when going to all of these appointments and filling out paperwork they ask what is wrong with you and I didn't have anything to put down there. I am like how can I be a healthy FAT person? This doesn't make any sense. God is good so I know everything will work out. I realize that every T has to be crossed and every I has to be dotted when dealing with Medicare, but you can look at me and see that I need the surgery! Come on now!!! I digress....Well, I guess I will end here. I don't want to bore you any longer. Smoochies
DEC. 29, 2005 @ 5:10 pmWell I called the Dr.'s office and I have a second consultation scheduled for Jan 17, 2006 @ 8:20am!! The nurse stated that I would not be able to have surgery until maybe the mid of Jan or the 3rd week in Jan. Hopefully, I will get a date for surgery then! I asked if the consultation goes well, will they schedule me for surgery ASAP and the appt clerk stated that it is possible. Keep me in your prayers
JAN. 6, 2006 @ 3:16 pmLet's just say I am NOT a happy camper! I received a call from Turning Point which this is the company I started my journey with and they referred me to Dr. Barker. Anyway, she told me that Dr. Barker is not doing surgery on Medicare patients at this time because he has not gotten paid for the surgeries he's done so far. So I vented to Vickie and then she told me that Dr. Capps will probably not be released until March from the military to do any surgeries. I AM NOT TRYING TO HEAR...WAIT UNTIL THEN!!!! However, what choice do I have....none!!!!!!!!! So after talking with her I called Dr. Barker's office and spoke with Earlene. I realize that this man can not do surgeries for free and I am trying my best to see the whole picture. However, I do not want to be strung along either. Just tell me the truth is all I ask!!!! Well, she verified what Vickie told me and I listened intently to what she had to say and broke down.Yes the crocodile tears fell and she tried to comfort me. She stated that they should hear a response by next week on the cases they have submitted thus far. My consultation is not until the 17th so they should know something by then. I am suppose to get a date then if everything works out. She said that I will be the first one they do after they get their money from Medicare. She wanted to know if I believed her. I have no choice in the matter.
God has brought me too far for me to turn around now. He has opened too many doors for the enemy to get me down. I talked with my sister and she reassured me and she saw the changes in me durning this whole time. I had depression beat and the enemy tried to come in and steal my joy. Trust me, I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head. I am tired of hurting (physically) I am ready to get this show on the road.
I have received two blows back to back. The job I was hoping to get is not hiring anyone right now. I got that news last night. This was the perfect job....being at home and setting your own hours. Well, I took that as a sign of it is not time yet. Then to get this news today, really hit me. I pray that Medicare does right and pay him his money. I desperately need this surgery!!!! I am still going to the consultation on the 17th. All I can do is leave it in God's hands. He has already worked it out, I am just waiting for the results! Well, I have to go in my prayer closet right now, only God knows what the outcome of this is going to be. Keep me in your prayers....Romans 8:28: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." New King James
JAN. 11, 2006@ 5:28PM
I HAVE A SURGERY DATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY SURGERY IS SCHEDULED FOR FEB. 1, 2006. I go in to sign my consent form on next Tues the 17th of Jan. I am so excited, and I might get the laparoscopic procedure so I won't have the big incision down my stomach. HALLELUJAH FOR JESUS!!!!! He is working things out for me. I am extremely happy right now. I can't put into words how I'm feeling right now. Earlene asked, was I excited, it is past that!!!! The Lord answers prayers!!! I need this surgery more than anything!!!!JAN. 17, 2006 @6:43pmWell, I went to the doctor and it is all set!!!!!! I am definitely having the surgery on Feb 1, however, I do not know the time yet, and I am having the laparoscopic procedure done. I AM SO EXCITED!I met Tamikia today. She is such a sweetie!!! She looks good and doing so well with her weight loss. I want to be like her when I grow up!!!! I wish her much success in her weight loss journey!!The day didn't start off too good however! A friend of mine was suppose to pick me up for my appointment. This was her suggestion and she calls me at 8:12 am to tell me she is running late. My appointment was at 8:20 and I live 20 mins away from the office! Anyway, she was not going to arrive until 9:00, so I drove myself. See you can't depend on other people. This is TOO important to me to just let someone jack it up for me! The moral of the story is....don't depend on anyone else to do jack for you. You are responsible for the important things in your life. Ok....I'm off my now.Now continuing on with my excitement! I have to start my liquid diet next week so no more doing this and can't do this either . That's why I couldn't lose weight in the first place! It's time to get busy!!!! After while I'm going to look like this and there is no stopping me!!!! Shopping will be my friend. Well, I guess I'll end here. Please stay positive during this process. I look forward to being healthy and looking like a superstar!!
JAN 22, 2006 @6:41AM
Well I can't sleep!!! So many thoughts are running through my head. You would think that my surgery is tomorrow or something. I haven't went shopping for anything. Well, I take that back...I bought the jello and boullion cubes for the broth. I am suppose to start my liquid diet on Wed. and one of my best friends said that I am going to be very cranky, so I need to do the shopping now. I need to keep busy next week so I am procrastinating and trying to wait until next week to do everything. I know that is bad, but like I said, I am trying to stay busy so I won't think about the 1st. I felt that I should write down my feelings so here I am. I'm scared to death! I'm scared of the unknown. I've read so many pages and read what they went through. I know God did not open all these doors just to turn away from me. I know the scripture states that God did not give us the spirit of fear. The enemy is busy and he had me thinking that I need to write my love ones and say my goodbye's THE DEVIL IS A LIAR!!! I HAVE THE VICTORY THROUGH CHRIST JESUS!!!!!I must remain positive throughout this whole process. You can not believe the feelings I am having. I am sitting here shaking as I type. I know that everything will be ok. God is watching over me and I am His child! I love this passage!!! I have to keep my focus on God. He knows the desires of my heart, so I can't let anything distract me!!! I am praying for peace so I can get some rest. Ever since I found out my date for surgery I can not go to bed at night. I know will protect me. I have no doubts what so ever!!!! And my is watching over me.I went to church Friday night and the minister brought a very good message. The title was "Former is Dead." That means that the former things that I used to do, the bad influences, the bad decisions I made in the past, and people who have hurt me are in my past and they are dead and gone. I do not have to dwell on those things anymore. So they are dead and buried! I shouldn't hold on to the hurts anymore. All the negativity in my past is left there in my past. I was hurting real bad. I couldn't understand why people hurt me and did those terrible things to me. I also took the death of my father hard, and at one point I asked God why He didn't take me instead?! My father was my heart. However, I have to move on and start living the life that God has allowed me to have. The sting of his death is not as hard today but I miss him terribly. I know that my father would want me to take advantage of what God has blessed me with and start living. Stop closing myself off from the world. To stop letting life pass me by. So I must do this for my father. I didn't mean to get so deep this morning, but I had to let that out. I know my father would be proud that I made this decision and that I'm moving in the right direction. I have to be healthy and happy. Which I have not been in a very long time. My theme song is "THE BEST IS YET TO COME." Today is the first day of the best days of your life. Here are some words and maybe they will be encouraging to you."Hold on my brother don't give up, hold on my sister just look up. There is a master plan in store for you if you just make it through. God's gonna really blow your mind, He's gonna make it worth your time. For all of the troubles you've been through, the blessings double just for you. The best is yet to come!"I know all of this is not in vain. I am doing this for the right reason. I WANT TO LIVE! While I was praying, something was brought to my rememberance. In of I was born on a . And my rebirth will be on , of . MY NEW LIFE WILL BEGIN!!!!! Well, I better end here. I didn't realize I had so much to say. Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. May God bless you and keep you. It is too late to try and get some sleep now. I have to get ready for church in less than 2 hours. Until next time...... 4EVA
JAN. 23, 2006 @ 2:45AM
Well, I acted up yesterday! I didn't even go to church like I was suppose to. I upset a very good friend of mine because she did NOT do what she said she was going to do. It did not give me the right to make her feel the way that I did. I have to call and apologize to her for my behavior. However, I do NOT like when people tell me they are going to do something and then don't do it. Still, that is no license to make someone feel low. Even though I am going through an emotional roller coaster, I shouldn't expect people to cater to me. Right now I am in a selfish phase and that is not a christian thing at all. I prayed before I went to sleep and asked the Lord to forgive me. Now, I have to right my wrong and apologize to her. I vented to another friend and now I feel better. We shouldn't burn our bridges with anyone. So she's probably thinking if I am a booger bear now, I probably will get worse when I get to my goal weight and the self-esteem rise. I vow to myself not to get that bad... All in all I am embarrassed by my behavior! Well, as you can see the pattern is still here, I can't sleep at night. I am up in the wee hours of the morning. What is wrong with me?I am going to figure out how to spruce up my page because I think the people who do that must be extremely busy. I've been waiting for a while for it to get done. I used to know how to do this kind of stuff. See what happens when you don't keep up?
JAN. 28, 2006 @12:12AM
Well I went to my Pre-Registration appointment and received a big blessing!!!! I did not have to pay anything out of pocket!!!! I asked the lady 2 times did I have to pay anything and she said, "Nope, you are free and clear!" You do not know how excited I am about that. My portion for the hospital bill would have been $1,300.00. So you tell me if God ain't good?!?!?!I feel like doing a happy dance all up and through here, so excuse me while I bust a move!!!
Oh, I almost forgot....I have to be at the hospital on Feb. 1, 2006 @ 8:30am, my surgery is scheduled for 10:30am. My rebirth is approaching fast! I know that God IS with me all the way! I know when I was reading pages I wanted to know what Pre-Registration was and what it consisted of. Well, all you are doing is going beforehand and giving them your insurance information, paying your co-pay if it applies, and doing bloodwork for the day of your surgery. So all you have to do is walk in and get your lovely ID bracelet and put on your designer gown they give you. I don't know what I'm going to do about covering up my backside. I do not own a robe, and I do not want to moon everybody as I'm walking down the hallway. What a pretty sight!!!! Anyway.....There are no hassles for getting admitted cuz you already did that with this appointment. Anyway, they took my blood and gave me the basic instructions. No eating or drinking after midnight before the surgery date. If you are on medication such as blood pressure medication, take it, but with only enough water to get the pill down. So no full glass of water, just enough to get your tongue wet, if that much! She remembered that I was on the liquid diet and asked how that was going. I actually had fun at this appointment. She calmed my fears on a lot of things. Trust me, I had all kinds of questions. Anyway, my blood pressure was slightly elevated but that is due to the fact that I'm just now taking the pills again and I got upset right before my appointment. So hopefully it will not be up on the morning of the surgery. However, with me being anxious I'm pretty sure it will be a little elevated, but I don't need it trippin'! Well, I better end here, and I will update later!
JAN. 29. 2006 @5:50am
As you can see I am wide awake. I did pretty good with getting in liquids. I actually tried the breakfast drink and a peanut butter protein drink. Both were actually good. I've been working on my page so I hope you like it! I found a lot of cute pictures to put on here. So I have a little variety on the page. The pictures of the girls roughly shows the style I like, so basically, once I get to my desired weight, trust I will be rockin' some of these things. I am still young, so I can look sexy yet classy! I saw some models that were something else. If I was still clubbing I probably would wear some of those things. So maybe those are some outfits that I could wear when I get married, whenever that happens. I hope one day I will be writing that on here. However, I am not rushing anything like that. I have to get myself together before I can think such things. Ok, maybe I think about that now, but...I still have to get some things in order before I go down that road. My health comes first and then that. Just think, I will be the bomb when I do get married. Oh I WILL have it going on!!!! How did I get on this subject????I am so excited about the changes I will be going through. I am eager to see what the final result will be. As my aunt told me to say ....I will be sexxxxxxxxiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrr. Need to start talking positive now. Sexiness is a state of mind. If YOU do not think you are sexy then no one else will! Start looking at yourself in the mirror and compliment yourself. Regardless of how you feel. We need to stop abusing ourselves! Didn't mean to preach, so I guess I will end this right here. Until later
JAN. 30, 2006 @ 5:18am
Well as you can see I am up. However, I did take a little nap earlier. It was needed...now, I'm up. Well, let me update you on my feelings. First of all, even though I did not go to bed, I did go to church. I needed that. A sistah is standing in the need of prayer! I have so much on my mind. I went to visit a couple of friends at a visiting church, so I am MIA at my church. Have I received a call from them. NO I HAVE NOT!!!! What is up with that? Well, I am thinking about leaving there anyway. TOO MANY HATER'S and I don't even know why. The only thing I can do is pray about it. Anyway...I am on my way to church and started getting this rumbling in my stomach. I had to make a bee line to the restroom when I got to church. Talk about embarassing! This girl came in after I finished and was about to wash my hands. Then this guy that I am madly in love with came up while I was walking out of the restroom. By the way he does not know I am in love with him. This is our little secret ok?!?Let's see...in 2 days I will be getting ready to go to the hospital. To think this time has come. I was posting and someone else posted that in 3 days she will be having surgery. I'm like OMG it is here already. I am ready for this to be over with. You read so many stories, and I'm ready to get on with it. I know each person is different and I will have my own experience. Side note, I wonder is anyone reading my page? Anyway, on with my story...here is a time for me to vent. The purpose of me going to the forums is to get support and advice. Why is it that when we pre-ops ask a question to the post-ops we hardly get a response? But they can respond to post that has nothing to do with WLS. What kind of crap is that? I thought the main reason was to help each other out! However, I did get one response from a "vetern" and I am so glad she responded. She was very helpful. I got a lot of pre-ops to answer. You would think the seasoned people would respond. This is ridiculous!!!! Anyway, I am grateful for the response I did get. It helped a great deal. How are you gonna have favorites on a WLS forum? Anyway, I digress.... I have to call the doctor's office to see if I am suppose to drink this protein with milk or do I have to switch to water. Fat Free milk takes some getting use to. I am enjoying the breakfast blend and the smoothie shockingly. I have to go to the store any buy more items. At this time I have:Designer's Whey ProteinChicken buillon cubesBeef bullion powderGeneric Crystal Lite (variety of flavors)SF Chocolate puddingSF Tapioca pudding (I don't like this now, but I know I need something)String CheeseGeneric Carnation Instant Breakfast (chocolate...taste like chocolate milk!)SF Jello that I have to make I don't think so now that I think about it!!!Cream soupCrab Meat in a canPeanut ButterDiet Lipton Green Tea with citrus (which my cousin has stolen one! I can't believe this crap!!!!!)Things I'm going to have to purchase:SF Jello (pre-made)low sodium chicken broth in canlow sodium beef broth in canMilk for lactose intolerant (I hear this will come in handy after surgery) (I don't want to blow anyone away....)Juice (100%)Sonic IceEggsTunaIce trays to freeze soupYogurt (I don't like this on a good day)Cottage Cheese (another one I don't like) More ProteinSF Pops (they are kinda sweet to me now)A camera (bought the album but not the camera...crazy)So my day is full today, and I also have to clean up! I am suppose to get my hair braided Tuesday so I will be busy doing that. I have to keep my mind off of things. Procrastination is a bad thing. I'm down to the wire and have so much to do. This is sad!!!!Well, I guess I better end it right here....Smoochies
JAN. 31, 2006@ 1:31AM
Well, my page was officially spruced up today! I really like the garden and the color. However, I lost some things in the process. I have to go and find the things I had. I sent updates but you know the codes were not in the email. Well, now I might find other things I like so maybe it was a godsend?!? Anyway, yesterday was the pitts. The devil is busy you hear me! I knew that he was going to throw stuff at me, but you know he will use the people that are closest to you to tear you down. However, he will NOT steal my joy. I didn't go to the store like I was suppose to. So you know what that means? I have to get it today. My mom is going to go on a diet while I'm going through this process. I think that is wonderful. Sometimes, it seems as if she is supporting me and then there are some times like yesterday. Oh my....she brought tears to my eyes. I do not need unnecessary stress, but I will be ok. I know that God has my back!!!! I attempted to clean my room. It is so small!!! Anyway, I grouped my clothes together cuz I have different sizes. I didn't realize that I ballooned to the size I am now, cuz I had stretchy clothes <--- those are the enemy! But I do have a variety of sizes in my closet and storage tub, dresser, and chest of drawers. Didn't realize I had so many clothes either. The sewing machine will be in full effect during this process! Hey does anyone want to come over here and clean this room? I have truly procrastinated. This is terrible. I need a bigger room!!!! I talked with Tamikia and she's doing great. I pray that she will keep up the good work. She know's she has to stay away from certain things. Well, I have one more day until I start my new life. I am so ready!!! I'm pretty sure I will write something later. I am off to find some things to put on my page. I like a busy page for some reason. Oh I almost forgot.... I posted a side note yesterday, and I received an answer in my email. Someone read my page!!! I hope I at least help someone during this process. We all will have our own separate experience and go through our own emotion. But I know I had questions and I was looking for answers on the pages I viewed. So hopefully, I have shed some light for someone. Well, I'm off to surf the net!!
2:55am----I'm back...How about I asked for this darn weight chart and I don't know how to use it. That was smart of me wasn't it! Don't answer that..... I found some things to put on my page. As you can tell by now....I'm a little sassy thing. Do you think it will get worse as the weight comes off? I seriously like the name Mizz Caramel....do I feel a name change coming on? Well, new image new name...how about that? This is something that I have to think about.
I FIGURED IT OUT!!!!! You will notice that I have not put my weight on there yet. I'm not putting it on there until I have lost a substantial amount of weight. You know what is funny to me is that people who weigh much less than I do starting out, say.."I was so huge". What would they say if they saw me now? It is no picnic carrying all this "fluffiness" around! I'm a tall...voluptuous drink of Ice Tea! I'm 5'10"....and that's all your getting right now. I am proud of who I am, but you shouldn't be so nosey and wanting to know such private things. (lol) I will divulge this information later. So I guess you have to keep coming back if you want to know huh? Aren't I a stinker.....As you can see, I have been posting like crazy. I wonder how I will be after the surgery. I can not stand when people wait months and then say "I'm sorry, I haven't been here to post, I will do better." And then wait another few months and say the same thing. It is my goal, to post at least once a month after all this. Well, I understand why we post so many times before surgery, it is therapeutic. We are a hot mess emotionally and we have to get it out, so we write. I want to be the same way after the surgery. Notice, I said I want to be. So if I slip up, please forgive me, and don't talk about me too bad! I do not plan to weigh myself all the time. I want to gauge my weightloss by my clothes. I've never owned a scale, why go buy one now? I do not want to get disappointed if the numbers do not move the way I want them to. So if my clothes are getting looser then wooooo hooooo. Now let me tell you a little something. A little wow moment of my own ALREADY. This guy that I've known for over 2 years, who only wants to be friends, which really urks me....but anyway, he noticed something about me Sunday. Yes, this is the guy that I'm madly in love with, remember you were sworn to secrecy. Anyway, he said that he noticed that I've lost some weight and I have a glow around me. Can you say, I blushed!!!!!! Anyway...he is a long story. My attitude right now is: IF YOU ARE NOT IN MY FACE NOW, THEN DO NOT BE IN MY FACE WHEN THIS WEIGHT COMES OFF!!!!!. He calls me, do you think he feels like he's in my face now? We can talk on the phone for hours, and we've spent some time together, not that kind of time...stop being bad! Did I mention that he's a minister? Yes, I'm attracted to a minister. You always have to watch your P's & Q's around them. I am such a stinker, how would that work? Anyway... He is very supportive in whatever I decide to do. To be honest, if he were to say "let's get married right now", don't you know I would do it! I got it bad....don't I? If God says he's the one, then he is the one. If He says that he is not, well...my wonderful man will enter into my life eventually. Did I mention that I AM TAKING APPLICATIONS??????? Well, I am sort of. Gotta get me together first. Like I said, looks can be deceiving. I might look like I got it going on and nothing bothers me, but you've read my little life story, you know I'm broken! I have trust issues as well. You can't get into a relationship and can't trust the person. I've taken over 2 years to get "me" together, and I thought I was ready for a relationship, but you know what? We have a lot of playa's out here, and I do not have time for the drama! I miss the companionship, attention, among other things, but I will not settle. I ask that you don't either. You deserve the best and you shouldn't be abused in any kind of way. I do not want to start preaching, but I had to get that out. Oooohhhh...I feel better now. Well, time is marching on, so I better get off this computer and start cleaning up. I have been a lazy bum, I haven't done ANYTHING. Today, will be a very busy day!!! That's what I get for waiting to the last minute. I can't help but keep my mind off tomorrow, I will be extremely busy. I'll probably be sitting here at 4:06am tomorrow typing my little heart out, because I will be extremely nervous! One last thing... I looked at a post today on Feb 2006 and this guy was very nice. He encouraged all of us "rebirth babies", and advised us to not look at pages right now. We might run into some doozy of stories about how bad their experience was. We do not need that right now. We need to see that people had an uneventful surgery and they had no complications. That is what I am claiming! I know God will help me in this area. Because your girl here, is a BIG CHICKEN when it comes to pain! When I had my knee surgery, I kept that morphine pump in my hand! I was pushing the button in my sleep! He also suggested that if we just have to sign on OH.com that we look at before and after pictures, and remind ourselves that we are going to be on there one day. Close our eyes and envision how we are going to look a year from now. I am going to be the BOMB!!!! NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO TELL ME NOTHING...To go from where I am now to whatever it is then, is a big improvement!!!! So I pass that information on to you. As you get closer to your surgery date, do NOT read pages, cause it will trip you out. I've had so many fears and I am scared to death. I know you can tell, cuz I've been talking up a storm! I talk a good game, but I'm human, and I don't know what to expect. I just know that the end is not here for me, cuz God has opened too many doors for this to come to pass. I have some living to do....I've got to get that man and have some babies....lol On the for real tip....God did not give us the spirit of fear. So during this time read your Bible and pray. Make sure you have a good relationship with our Heavenly Father! He will calm your fears. So as I am talking to you, I am talking to myself. I am nothing like I used to be. I was in a bad place last week. I was thinking about writing good-bye letters and everything. That was pretty bad...NOW I KNOW THAT GOD HAS EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL!!!!Ok, I think I've talked enough. As you can see I'm very loquacious! I know you are not shaking your head in agreement! lol.... Well SMOOCHIES....UNTIL LATER!!!!
FEB. 1, 2006 @2:31 AMHELLO......Well my time has come. As you can see, I'm still up!!!! I can't go to bed to save my life. First let me get this off my chest! Yes, you guessed it I have to vent on my darn surgery day. I am sitting there talking to my mother, and because someone else VOLUNTEERED to take me to the hospital this morning, she comes at me with a fly comment. Do I need this aggravation right now?????? HECK NO I DO NOT!!! I almost said, you don't have to come to the hospital. What is the big darn deal? She has been sick anyway, why would I want to bother her and get her to drive. Yes, I want her there, but she didn't have to drive, someone could have brought her! I don't know what the big deal is????? See, I've mentioned before, the devil will use the one that's closest to you to get you down. So, I am praying right now! If you read this before I go into surgery, please send a prayer up for me.NOW.....MS TAMIKIA AND PASTOR DI POSTED ON BLACK AMERICAN FORUM ABOUT MY SURGERY!!! I feel the love from them. I am so grateful to both of them. They don't know me from EVE and looked deep within their heart and did this for me. You know God works in mysterious ways, cuz I was feeling mighty low, and HE used them to lift my spirits!!! I know the devil is angry right now. But I do not care, because according to the word, I AM MORE THAN A CONQUEROR THROUGH CHRIST JESUS. What the enemy had planned for me, is cancelled by the blood of Jesus! The devil is a liar and is doomed to the pitts of hell. AMEN, THANK YOU JESUS!!! Please excuse me while I speak with my Heavenly Father along with others:Dear Heavenly Father,I thank you for all that you've done for me and what you are continuing to do for me. I thank you for your Son, Jesus for dying for my sins and rising from the dead. You loved me when I didn't even love myself. I thank you for giving me an opportunity to live again. For opening doors that were closed for so long. I want to pause and ask for forgiveness. Lord, I ask that you please forgive me for the things I've done, said, and thought. I repent right now, and I ask that you cleanse me from all unrighteousness. I ask that you purify me and take away everything that is not of you.Father, thank you for sparing my life on several ocassions. If you hadn't intervened and sent your angels when I tried to take my life, I wouldn't be here to type this. I've done things that I am not proud of and you still loved me inspite of. I love you with all mine heart! I know I don't act like it sometimes and get stubborn and do the things that I want to do. I thank you for your grace and your mercy.Father, you know me, you made me, my life was already planned out. Father, you know I am a broken vessel, you know how I am feeling. I am not trying to doubt you, none whatsoever, but I'm scared! I ask that you calm my fears and take away the feelings that I have right now. I know its the enemy putting doubts in my mind. Father, you have opened so many doors for me, that's why I know that this surgery is ordained. I also know what you told me, that my time is coming for me to have a child, so I KNOW that this is not the end of my journey. I ask that you take control of my mind and soothe all my doubts. I ask that you order my steps in your word. I know that everything that I've been through is to help someone else, and I thank you for choosing me as your vessel. I pray that I've been an inspiration to someone and that I've touched their life in some way. Lord, I uplift my surgical team to you and ask that you guide their hands. I know that YOU are the ultimate doctor, but give them the tools they need to do this surgery successfully. Touch Dr. Barker and surround him right now and give him what he needs. I pray for traveling grace for him as well as us, as we prepare to go to the hospital. Lord, thank you for the support that you've given me. I love everyone that you've placed in my life. When I don't know what else to say all I have to do is call on the name of Jesus! Thank you for being my healer, deliverer, my comforter, my ALL. I bless your name. I know that I have the victory and I will come out just fine. This is only the beginning for me. The best is yet to come. You did not give me that song for nothing. All I have to do is hold on and don't give up. I want to thank you in advance, for bringing me through. I want to thank you for an uneventful surgery with no complications. I claim it and I speak it into existence! Again, I say thank you.IN JESUS MOST POWERFUL AND PRECIOUS NAME, AMENFrom your humble servant, DenieseNow, I must pause to talk to my father:Daddy-boom, I love you with all my heart, and it hurt me so bad when you left me on Feb. 26. 1996. I know that your time was up here on earth and you had to go home to be with our Heavenly Father. I miss you so much. Sometimes, I am so selfish and I want you here with me. I need you right now daddy. I need to feel your arms around me and to tell me that everything is going to be ok. You will forever be in my heart, and I will never forget you. I know that I've done some things that you wouldn't have approved of and for that I'm sorry. I was looking for love in all the wrong places. I was looking for someone to fill that void in my life, not realizing that Jesus was the one to fill that void. I hope that you are proud of me. Things didn't go as I planned them, but I know that God is working everything out to the good.I love and miss you. You have set a high standard that no one has ever come close to. I thank you for loving mama and treating her with the utmost respect. You showed me how a man is suppose to treat his wife. You were a gentle and caring man, who took care of his family. I want that type of man in my life. I thank you for being there for me and my brother. There are so many men that were not and are not there for their children. You were a rare jewel daddy and I thank you. I love you so much and truly miss you.Your daughter, DD (Neicy-boom)Now my mama:Mama, I love you so much and I thank you for giving me life. For allowing God to use you as a vessel to get me here. I know that I've made you mad on numerous ocassions and disappointed you, and I'm sorry!You mean so much to me! I thank you for teaching me how to be a good woman. Giving me the tools to succeed in life, the life lessons. I may have fallen short but you still loved me. Thank you for the advise that you've given me, even when it didn't set well with me. I want to be like you when I grow up :-)Thank you for putting our needs in front of yours. I couldn't have asked for a more wonderful mother. I praise God for you. You are truly an inspiration. I love you, and even though I was mad earlier, I thank you for always being by my side!Your daughter, DD Now to my 2 sisters:You guys mean the world to me and I wouldn't trade you guys for nothing. You each have shown your unconditional love towards me. Even though I do not have any biological sisters you guys have filled those spots. I know I don't say it enough but I love you! I know you wouldn't want me to get all emotional, but right now I am in that state and I have to get this out.Thank you for putting up with me. I know I have tested our friendship on more than one ocassion, but you didn't give up on me.THE BEST IS YET TO COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!I love you Loni and Bi Polar :-) OK NOW BACK TO ME.............I feel so much better that I've done that. I had a very special person call me today and express their concern for me. I cried.... Yes, I'm an emotional wreck right now. But to hear those words, touched my heart. I feel loved right now. Even though I didn't let many people know about my surgery then ones I chose to tell, have really showed their love for me. They cannot fathom how much they've touched me. I promise not to go there again...I will remain upbeat!!!I am so hungry!!!! As you know I can't drink anything after midnight. Usually, I don't drink anything after midnight, but because I am not suppose to my stomach is trippin'!But you know what...it will not matter any more after today. I'm getting my surgery!! By the way, my sister might post for me, to let everyone know that I'm doing ok. You know, I actually don't have anything else to say. I might come back before I leave in a few hours. If not....keep me in your prayers and thank you for taking this journey with me! Deniese 4EVA-UNIQUE 7:16AM Well, I slept for 30 mins. I am about to get ready and go to the hospital. I have to be there at 8:30. The next time you hear from me, I will be on the losing side. Please pray for me. I love all of you......Deniese
Feb. 3, 2006 @ 6:01 p.m.Greetings! This is an update from Her sister, ElonTwo days after surgery and Deniese is doing fine. She is home and sleeping as we speak. She's had a few aches and pains, but overall she did fine. Her surgery lasted about 3 1/2 hours and there were no complications. God is good all the time and He has protected her through it all. She appreciates all emails and would love continued support from her family here. Blessings and peace to all.
FEB. 8, 2006 @ 12:46AMHELLO ALL..... Well, I am officially 7 days postop! I've had it rough a little bit. I have one little nagging spot that hurts. Dr. Barker did tell me that this spot would give me the most problems. I have 7 little incisions and the other 6 are doing so well. I am only sore in the main incision, under my left breast. I think my boob is too heavy and its sitting on that area. What can I do about that? Not a darn thing but deal with it! I am out of pain medication so hopefully they'll give me something on Thursday. That is when I will get my staples out. Oh boy, I am looking forward to getting them out!Let's see, where do I start? On last Wed. I went to the hospital and you all know that I was extremely scared! Well, I felt that I was walking the green mile when I walked down that hallway. Everyone was extremely nice. I walked to the back and did my strip tease, and they gave me this beautiful designer gown to wear. You know the one that has your bootie out. However, they did hook a sistah up and I wasn't flashing anybody! Well, because I did not have a chest xray, they took me and did one around 9:30am. I was very emotional! Vickie from Turning Point came to visit me, and to tell me everything will be alright, and that I was in good hands. That was nice of her. She gave me a big hug and told me that I was not alone. Some time past and my sister Elon came back there with me. Then mom showed up about 10am. I went to the bathroom one last time and we prayed together. I took pictures and as soon as I get them developed I will post them on my picture trail. Ok, now the journey begins....Why of all times, people are on time?!?!?!?! At 10:30 am on the dot they lady came and got me. The crocodile tears fell, trust, you will see that picture. My mom asked were they happy tears or what, and told my sister to take a picture. They were combination tears! I was rolled out and they walked behind me. I went one way and they went the other. We parked in the waiting area in Day Surgery. My back was to everything. It was freezing in there. I did manage to see them prepping the room my life was about to change in. Yes my nerves were on edge. Well, a few people came over to where I was and talked with me. Now the happy juice nurse came, and the tears fell again. She was like "Don't cry, wipe your eyes and blow your nose we do not want you to get stopped up. You are so cute, everything is going to be alright. I just have to tell you these things." I know, I know, I'm a big baby. I knew all the precautions, its just hearing it, its so final! Anyway, I signed the consent form and she went to the restroom. She came back and said are you ready? Then gave me the magic juice. I was like is it suppose to work already? She laughed and said yes. I was very calm and floating ya'll. Anyway, they wheeled me in the O.R. and told me to scoot on this NOT SO FLUFFY FRIENDLY SLAB they called a table. She told me to relax and put a mask on me. After awhile, I was out. I woke up coughing and calling out for my mom. I had a tube down my throat. They told me to cough one more time so they could remove it. Then I was out again. The happy juice nurse told me that would happen. I wake up and I'm in PCU. My back was killing me. I was but no tears were falling. My mom rubbed my back and prayed for me. I was extremely thirsty and they wouldn't give me nothing! Not even a little ice chip. I did not get anything until Thursday night. So if you are keeping track, I hadn't had anything to drink since Tuesday night. I even took my blood pressure pill with a dry mouth! Maria, my nurse (who by the way was very good to me) gave me a little wet sponge. I was so happy to get that little thing! Anyway, I never wanted water so bad in my life!!! I didn't walk that night but I did the next morning. It was ok. I thought it was going to be murderous, after reading all the horror stories on other pages. I didn't feel anything move or nothing like that. Maria, would give me these little thimbles full of water or juice. Ok maybe it was bigger than that, but it seem like it! They were ounce cups. She refuse to give me a cup. However, Stan my day nurse gave me a cup with ice in it. He said..."I'm going to turn around and IF you take a drink I will not know." That was my first drink experience by the way. You would think I won the lottery or something. That was a very happy moment for me.Let me tell you about my embarrasing moment. I was sitting on the and sat there so long my feet went to sleep. I got up to go and almost fell. I had to catch myself. I was so scared!!! Anyway, while I was sitting there a friend of mine walked in and was like are you on the potty...I was like yep. She said I looked like a little girl sitting there swinging my feet. Can you imagine that? I'm 5'10" and I was swinging my feet on the potty.Anyway, my stay was wonderful except for the dry mouth! They moved me into a private room at 5:30am Fri morning and then Dr. Barker came in about 11:30 and told me I was free to go home. I couldn't enjoy that room. It was so pretty. Luckily, my other sister Kris was there and she brought me home. I did the fool and tried to take care of my bills before I got home. I was in the street after having major surgery 2 days prior. What is wrong with me? And I wonder why I'm hurting this long!Fast forward....I am so sick of broth!!!!! I AM READY TO EAT!!!! I have to admit something though....I have had some chips. I started out good and sucked the flavor off of them and then I did it....I ate it. Don't be upset with me. I'm trying to do better. I have tried the string cheese and it has gone down, so I can tolerate that. I know I wanted this surgery more than anything and I am ready to be skinny. I know I have to do what I got to do. However, I am not going to beat myself up over it either. I hardly eat or drink. I can drink things though. I've had protein drinks with Soy milk, peach tea, diet citrus green tea, breakfast drinks, and water. So I am doing ok. I guess I could drink more. I've started to get hungry now. I'm ready for some food with substance! Something that will fit on a . I'm not craving sweets, but you know what I want? A pancake...I don't want syrup or anything on it. I just want a tiny pancake. I didn't even eat pancakes often before surgery! It was once and a blue moon. I also want some chinese food. I know I will not be able to eat much and what I want I am not able to eat it right now anyway. I think I'm just greedy...I don't know! When I eat the broth, I sip on half a cup full and I'm tired of it. I just want to get some shrimp from the chinese place. That will be my trip in a few months. I will get a to-go platter. Can you tell I'm hungry now?Anyway....I wanted to come and give you an update on my progress. I will let you know if I lost anything when I go to the doctor. I'll let you know how it went getting the staples removed. I have 13 of them. 3 incisions has 3 staples in them and then the other 4 have 1 staple in them. I hope it doesn't hurt getting them out. You all know I am a big baby, but don't tell nobody. Until later......SMOOCHIES
FEB. 9, 2006 @ 11:35AMHALLELUJAH FOR !!!!!!! I went to the doctor and got my staples removed. I got on the scale and drumroll please... I've lost a whopping 25 lbs!!!!!!I told Dr. Barker about the pain in my left side. I can't lay on my left side and when I cough it has a burning sensation. He said "Well, you have to remember that you just had surgery, it will go way in about a week or two." Well, I have to live with it. I am trying to come down with something, but I rebuke it in the name of ! The is a liar! I am claiming healing over my body right now in the name of A sweet young lady by the name of MiKysha is having surgery today. I've been calling to get the status of her sugery. Can't get through. If you are reading my page make sure you say a prayer for her. I posted on a couple of boards that she's having surgery and for people to show support. Several people posted to her page. I am so grateful for that! She is such a sweetheart and can sing. She is beautiful in and out! I WILL buy her material once she drops her album!I've been communicating with other people that had the surgery the same day I did. We are keeping in contact with one another. I am so glad of that as well. So here's my shout out to LaDonna and Toni. Keep up the good work ladies! I have to get my walking in. Trust me, I DID IT TODAY!!!! I walked all over SuperSaver today. My legs are hurting. I couldn't lean on the basket either, cuz of my incisions. So I had to do it like everybody else. Man, that was hard!!! I got through it though. Why in the world does our food cost so much?! My goodness... I thought I would get a break in my wallet. NO SIR RE BOB!!! Seems like everything you pick up is $3.00+ I am allowed to eat pureed foods now. THANK YA...THANK....THANK YA. A sistah is tired of broth! So, I have variety now. Let's see how good I do with this. If I can lose 25lbs in a week, how much will it be by the time I go to the doctor again? My next appointment is March 9, 2006 @ 10:20am. Bring it on!!! I am ready to drop these doggon' lbs!!!! One day I will join the protein train. Still thinking on that. I want to drop as much weight as quickly as possible. I'm tired of carrying all this fineness around! Untill later.....SMOOCHIES
FEB. 11, 2006 @ 1:34AMI HAD A POST AND LOST IT!!!!!!!!! I typed for an hour and it was a good post. Maybe I didn't need to say what I was saying. I was venting! So I will be nice in this post. Starting today I am going to start posting my meals. I know this will not only jumpstart me to act right, but it will help a new person who has questions on what to eat. I know I have a lot of questions and wish I ran across someone who did it! I guess now I have to watch my P's & Q's and make sure I do things to the T!**Disclaimer: I AM IN NO WAY SUGGESTING THAT YOU EAT LIKE I DO (DID). THIS IS ONLY AN EXAMPLE OF HOW I EAT (ATE). SO DO NOT TAKE THIS AS LAW OR ANYTHING. FOLLOW YOUR DOCTOR'S ORDERS!!!! I MISPLACED MY PACKET SO I AM WINGING IT. Side note.... WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU TOLD SOMEONE YOU LOVED THEM? I am taking this opportunity to tell you that I love you. I love you with the love of Christ! I LOVE YOU!! From our friend Stevie Wonder, "These 3 words sweet and simple, these 3 words short and kind, these 3 words always kindle and aching heart, make it smile inside." So make sure you make someone's day and say these 3 words, please.....I spoke with MiKysha and she is having a hard time. My heart goes out to her. I know that things will get better. I've posted on several boards about her. Even though I didn't get many responses, I pray that they at least prayed for her! I am not going to go into what I wrote earlier and lost. It was lost for a reason...I digress. The Lord know's what He is doing. I probably would have hurt someones feelings and would to have apologized. See the Lord works in mysterious ways!!! So I will be nice....moving on to the next subject.I am so hungry!!!!! I did no eat like I was suppose to earlier. And now I am paying for it. I will probably get a pudding or something. I really would like a popsicle but it is too cold to eat one. Popsicles have become my favorite!!!!! They are so good to me and I am good to them. I feel like I am cheating when I eat them. Sugar Free with 30 calories. This is not an endorsement, but Blue Bell has the best ones. They are called bullets and they are not as sweet as the other ones. I love them and they are cheaper, who would have thought that!!! Oh I calculated and my BMI went down 3.6 points! I am so happy... Since we can't eat for real we are going to eat in the virtual world. Don't tell anybody cuz then they are going to want to come and get some and we will be stuck out!!! We are about to pig out... A little extra NOW WE BOTH SHOULD FEEL LIKE THIS : NO MORE PIGGING OUT FOR A WHILE!!!!Well, I guess I'll end right here for right now....
FEB. 13 @ 5:54 PMHELLO ALL.....I want to let you all know that I'm doing alright. I have a lot on my mind. First, I would like for you to send up a prayer for my mother, she is in the hospital. Also, I haven't been doing too hot in the food department. I feel nauseated when I try to eat or drink something. I think it was that Propel water. I will experiment and see what happens. I know our pouches are tempormental so I have to keep trying. Lastly, MiKysha had to go to the ER last night. So, there's some things going on in my life.I know I said that I was going to document my meals, but I'm not sure how I want to do it. Still learning this system. So, I will tell you what I had so far:SaturdayOatmeal with protein powder and cinnamon 2 Protein DrinksWaterSundayCarnation Instant Breakfast1/2 Propel waterChicken puree' soupProtein DrinkPintos & CheeseMondayCarnation Instant Breakfast1/2 Propel WaterSardines in Mustard SauceWaterFor the last couple of days, I've been feeling like I've wanted to . I know that is a little graphic, but I'm being honest with ya. I have to fix this problem! I'm a little depressed right now. But I know God will fix everything and HE has everything under control. Even though I had those sardines about 12PM I'm still feeling full. I don't feel all that hot, but I'm trying to flush them out of my system. I'm drinking water like crazy. I'm still sleeping crazy! I don't know how to go to bed like normal people. So more than likely I will be up tonight cuz I took a good nap. Put my phone on meeting so I would not hear the ringer and I was out! I guess I will take some Tylenol and hopefully I will feel better. I haven't been walking like I should. I only did 5 mins today and my knee is hurting me. I'm in bad shape aren't I? Well, tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I'm by myself as usual! Maybe that's whats wrong with me. I do not like this day to tell you the truth, but that's another story. I won't bore you with the details. One day I will have a valentine and they will show me how much they care about me, but not only on that day but throughout out the year. I'm usually in mourning, but I'm going to try and be in good spirits tomorrow. I bought something for my mom and she's in the hospital. You know she broke her arm last Valentine's Day, I don't think Feb. is her month. She gets sick around this time of year! Well, I guess I'll end it right here. You know if I think of something later, I will be back!!! SMOOCHIES.....
FEB. 14, 2006 @ 1:45PMHELLO ALL.....Well, let's see. I had my 2nd dumping episode. I tried to eat some BBQ Chicken. My pouch was not trying to have it. Maybe I didn't chew it enough. I know I'm suppose to be on soft foods, but I felt that if I chewed it and if it was soft enough it would be ok. Well, who pays me to think, nobody, and that's why I went through what I did! My mom is in good spirits. Don't know when she is getting out of the hospital, so that is still on my mind. Talk with MiKysha and she was being discharged from the hospital. She sounds so much better! I pray that she has continued success. I also talked with Tamikia and she's doing pretty good as well. I pray that she has continued success as well.Today has been depressing for me thusfar. I am not a fan of Valentine's Day at all! I've been trying to keep busy and not think, but since I am by myself that's all I can do. It can only get better right. My mate will eventually come into my life. I have to learn that patience thing. That is a bad word to me at this point. I have some patience but trust me it is wearing thin.Since, I do not have a physical Valentine. I'm making you my valentine. I hope that is alright with you. Well, you know you don't have a choice! Deniese 4EVA
FEB. 20, 2006 @ 8:18PMHELLO ALL.......Praise God my mom is at home now. I have had an emotional couple of days, but it had nothing to do with my health, therefore I am not going to go into it. However, I did try and eat meat from a hamburger and that did not work well with my pouch. It came back to haunt me 5 times. I will not do that for a while. I know that we are to test our pouch to see what it will tolerate but I think I will stick with what I know right now. I know I was suppose to write down what I've been eating, but to tell you the truth I haven't really eaten anything. I do not have an appetite at all. It was a day that I didn't eat anything. I know that is not right since we are suppose to eat, but if I am not feeling food, I will just do without it. Tuesday:WaterProtein DrinkTuna100 calorie Nabisco cookiesWednesday:Carnation Instant BreakfastWaterStrawberry drink (generic crystal lite)PopsiclesThursday:Carnation Instant BreakfastWaterStrawberry drinkSoupFriday:WaterDiet Citrus Green TeaHamburger meat from burger Tapioca PuddingSaturday:WaterSunday:Carnation Instant BreakfastShrimpWaterStrawberry DrinkThat was my week. You see I am not really eating anything. I do take my vitamins. I forget I had surgery and want to gulp my liquids and that does not work! I have a funny feeling down in my chest, so I have to remember to sip, sip, sip! I know I have to get better, and I will eventually. I need to get on a pattern or something. I should go back on liquids so I can drop some serious weight! I talk with Michael Williams from the site, and he was very insightful. I will keep in touch with him. He volunteered to help me out. He feels that I haven't let my pouch heal enough, and maybe that is why I am so nauseated. So maybe I will take his advice. Besides, if I can drop a substantial amount of weight before my 1 month post-op appt. that would be great. I wish we could drop weight like men!I finally tried Crystal lite and it was pretty good, however, it was kinda sweet. But you should have seen me, I was acting just like the commercial. Shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake, shake your bottle, shake your bottle. I also tried a seafood dressing and I don't like it all that much. I also tried a new recipe to get the protein down. I did 1/3 Designer's Whey, 1/3 cup Strawberry juice, 1/3 cup water, and some berries, and mixed in a blender. It was alright, however, I smelled the protein, and that is what turns my stomach. I want to lose weight so bad. I've been trying to get my sleep in as well. I force myself to sleep. I need to get a hobby or something that will make me tired! Do you have any ideas?I need to concentrate on a couple of things in my life. I know everything will work out when it is time! It's not about my timing, but God's timing! Keep me in your prayers.... Well, I guess I better end it here. Smoochies........
FEB. 22, 2006 @ 3:53AMHELLO ALL.....Yesterday was not a good day for me. I told you earlier that I'm going through things. Well, yesterday I tried to commit suicide. I know it is the cowards way out, but I am so tired of everything going on in my life. I was already suffering with depression before surgery and I don't know if it heightened it or what. I do not want to discourage anyone whose thinking about the surgery. I took some things, and I got drowsy but my little pouch didn't like it so I had to throw it up. So I guess this surgery saved my life! I know things shouldn't get so bad that you would want to kill yourself. However, I feel overwhelmed! I'm tired of hearing how inadequate I am, that I don't listen, that I am never there. That is what I prided myself on. I AM A GREAT LISTENER, I AM THERE FOR PEOPLE, IN FACT I PUT MYSELF AND FEELINGS TO THE SIDE! I AM A GOOD WOMAN!!! I simply got tired of being "beat up". I know life is too short, but my life has been kicking my tail! I also know that I should never give someone that much control over my life to allow their opinions to break me down. However, I'm weak and I'm weary.....Sometimes I wish that I never made it off that table, and yesterday I wish I would have succeeded! I'm tired of hurting, period! I couldn't even do that right! I feel like such a failure. Maybe I need to go to the hospital, but that will only incur another bill. You know I used to be so strong, I don't know what happened. I started working on being humble and my foot slipped. I became too weak!! I feel all alone and unloved! Well, I have a lot to think about, I have to see what my next move is. Thinking is what got me in the trouble I was in yesterday. I don't know what to do! Bye...I don't know if there will be a later.... Deniese
FEB. 24, 2006 @ 5:50AMHELLO ALL....Well, I have something to talk about this morning. I am home now, I went to the hospital Wed. morning. I felt I needed help since I tried to OD on Tuesday night. Nothing should get that bad that I would want to take myself out. I didn't see a counselor at the hospital because I live too far from them and I would have only talked to them once. I am going to go to my PCP today and hopefully he will give me something. I am in desperate need of medication. My hormones are totally out of wack!They did a GI test on me and it went down, however I was nauseous and they gave me a bucket just in case it was going to come back on me. It took too long to go down, so they did a scope on me yesterday. I did have a stricture and they opened it up a little bit. Hallelujah for Jesus, I was able to eat and it stayed down. The nurse did not want to discharge me until I was able to keep food down. What a sweetheart. My stay at the hospital was very pleasant. Very nice place. I felt like I was on vacation. I've never been to a place that had cable, internet, and a resort type room. It was lovely! All this in my room!!! For meals, you had to order it yourself as if you were in a hotel. They give you a menu and you call down and place your order and someone brings it to you in a tuxedo. I need to move out that way so I can go there when I need to go to the hospital. :-) When the time comes I wouldn't mind having my children there. Beautiful place.Now I have this funky rash on my right leg, from the thigh down to my ankle! A few bumps on my left arm where they tried to get an IV in. Oh let me tell you about that.... I was stuck 5 times....3 in my left arm and twice in my right arm. They also took blood from the right hand. My veins were collapsed because of the dehydration. I was severely dehydrated so they had to get fluids in me. They had to give me 3 bags worth. Now how do I feel? NUMB is a good word. I really need to get on those meds for real. I would like to give a shout out to the main message board. They were so supportive. I didn't let BAF know because they are not as supportive as I think they should be. However, this is my opinion. If you are not talking about junk then you get no response. I've posted quite of few times with minimal response. I thought the whole basis for the board was for support. But who pays me to think? So if I have a question or concern, I shall direct it to the main message board! My people....the only thing I can do is shake my head! I digress!!!!Well, I think I've wasted enough of your time this morning, I will end it here. Oh before I forget, I did check my weight on Wed. and I lost another 14 lbs. Smoochies........
MARCH 3, 2006 @ 9:26PMHELLO...HELLO...HELLOWell, I have been missing in action because I have been in the hospital. Yes I went in on last Friday due to a fever, depression, low potassium, and the ugly rash. I was discharged today. Now I am on depression medication and other things. Oh my goodness. I have been through some things. Do I regret it? No I do not!!! This is just a hurdle that I had to cross. I know that everything will be ok and I just have to keep my eyes on the prize. So far, I have lost 40 lbs. Well, that was as of last Wednesday so there is no telling how much I've lost thus far. I will find out when I go to the doctor on Tuesday. I am a little excited about that. I was hoping to have lost a little bit more, but beggers can't be choosy. If I hadn't gotten sick, I probably would have lost a little bit more. But how many people can say they've lost that amount so quickly? I am happy for that! This is not a race anyway. I didn't put it on quickly so I can't expect to take it off quickly either.Well, I better end here. I just wanted to let all of you know that I am doing better and I am home. Right now I feel like I exist. No feeling at all. I guess the depression medicine is working. I just don't care right about now. Trust it is nothing like it was, I am just chillin'. Thank you all for the prayers, and keep praying for me. Well, I'll talk to you later.... SMOOCHIES.....
MARCH. 9, 2006 @ 4:05 PMHELLO ALL....Well, I went to the doctor on Tuesday and I received great news! I am officially 52 lbs smaller. I am so excited!!!!!! Anyway, I didn't get the scope done, and I feel so much better. I do not take the nausea medication because it makes me sick. Dr. Barker said it was as needed anyway. I am taking my Protonix so I do not develop another stricture. Make sure you get an acid blocker after surgery! I am finally able to eat without feeling bad. I am extremely happy about that. I am going to take a head shot and put it on my picture trail so you can see the 1 month and 1 week shot. I don't see much of a difference. Anyway, someone posted to my post on secret pals and said that I was beautiful inside and out. That made my day! That makes me feel good because when you hear so much negative stuff, things like that makes a great difference. Well, I will end here and I hope you are doing well. SMOOCHIES.........
MARCH 18, 2006 @ 4:53PMHELLO ALL.......Well, I went to my PCP yesterday and guess what??? I lost another 10 lbs, so now my total is 62 lbs in 1 month and 2 weeks! So I am a little happy about that. Of course you know I want it to melt off as quick as possible. However, I have to keep in mind that I didn't get this weight overnight, so why would it come off like that?! I go see Dr. Barker on the 21st so I wonder how much will come off by then. Maybe I should get on a liquid diet until then. I want to lose as much weight as possible and quickly! I feel ok, nothing to write home about. My depression medicine was changed yesterday so maybe it will kick in and I will feel great. I've been through so much drama, and I am tired of it. I need someone special in my life. I'm tired of being single. You know anybody? LOL Other than the weightloss I don't have anything to report. I forgot to ask Dr. Barker how much weight he wants me to lose so I can have the surgery to remove my gall bladder. I'm tired of feeling nauseous! I just want this to be over with. Some days I can eat like a little piglet and other days I can't eat nothing. I try to drink as much water as I can. I've noticed that when I use a straw I can drink a lot of water. There has been a debate on whether we should use straws. My doctor didn't tell me I couldn't so I will use it to get my water in! When I try to drink water directly from the bottle it seems like it hurts in my chest, but when I use the straw, oooh baby I just love my water! LOL By the way, I think I'm getting shorter so I'm not 5'10.5 anymore I am officially 5'10". I lost a shoe size as well! I was wearing a 13WW, and now I am in a 12. It didn't even have a wide after the number. Of course it depends on how the shoe is made. Also I crossed my legs for the first time on Sunday. So I guess I had a couple of wow moments. Well, I will end here and I'll talk to you later! SMOOCHIES.........
MARCH 21, 2006 @ 4:04 PMHELLO ALL...........First, I would like to thank all of my wonderful angels out there that has been praying for me. Earlene told me that a young lady asked about me and that she's been praying for me. Thank you sweetheart. That made me feel good that there are some people out there that care about me and they don't even know me. Please don't worry about me, I will be ok. After losing your best friend "food" and your body goes into shock from surgery, you go through some things. I suffered with depression long before this surgery. I should have been on medication but I didn't want to be dependant on it. That was a stupid decision. I know better now. I didn't know that it would have affected me like that, the lack of food. When you go through problems you eat, when you are happy, sad, lonely, excited....you eat. You don't have that luxury after surgery. You have to face your problems head on. By all means if you have 'poison' in your life, get rid of it! You can NOT make anybody want you. You can't make people like you, and you can't make people love you. People are not in our lives forever anyway. When its their time to exit your life, let them!!!! That is my advice to you. I didn't mean to go there on this entry, but that was on my heart.I went to my doctors appointment this morning and there is nothing to report on the weightloss. However, I do need to eat more. Our bodies go into starvation mode and try to hold on to everything when we do not treat it right. I just knew I would lose at least a couple of pounds since going to the other doctor's appointment. I know that I am losing inches though. My clothes fit differently! They made me feel so good in the office today complimenting me. I was just blushing! I took pictures of Dr. Barker and Earlene, so as soon as I finish the roll of film I will get it developed. Dr. Barker is a cutie and so is Earlene. She is such a sweetheart!I am going to get on a fruit kick. I want to be a member of the centry club by my 3rd month. At 62 lbs already I only have 38 to go so hopefully I can do it! I have an appointment to go back on the 9th of May so wish me luck! I will try and do it next month but that maybe asking too much. If I can keep bad foods out of my mouth I should be ok. I went and got some deli meat today and some grapes and strawberries. I do not weigh myself at home. I wait until I go to the doctor, so you know there will be a big gap in the chart at the bottom. I don't care though just as long as I'm losing weight. I would love to lose this weight quickly but I have to work at it. I must start walking. I have to get out this lazy mode. This is my life we are talking about. I thank God, for allowing me this opportunity. He has been so good to me. I was seriously tripping last month! I do not want to go through that again. I am taking my meds faithfully. My body is trying to get use to the new med that I'm taking. I do not want to turn the bed a loose in the morning. I know that it will level out soon! I will end here. SMOOCHIES..........
MARCH 25, 2006 @ 10:37PMHELLO ALL.....I have nothing to report. I just wanted to say hello and that I posted 2 pictures on my picture trail. I was playing with my camera phone and felt a little cute. I hope you enjoy them. I finally took all the pictures on my camera so those should be up soon. Well, I will talk to you later.......SMOOCHIES
APRIL 1, 2006 @ 1:30PMHELLO ALL....Well today is my 2 month anniversary. I do not know how much weight I've lost cuz I only weigh myself when I go to the doctor. I am not scheduled to go to the doctor until May. That is a long time, so I will probably go somewhere and get on the scale. I am dying to know if I've lost anything. I keep getting compliments but I don't see nothing. I sleep in reinforcements now, trying to get all of this under control! I've noticed that I'm not losing the way I want to in the stomach area. One side looks different, I wonder if that's normal? Anyway, I know that all will work out. My leg is giving me problems so I need to make a doctors appointment and get that checked on. I hope when I got steroids in the hospital for the rash it didn't make something grow in my leg. That's why I couldn't get cortisone shots cuz if their were residual tumor in my knee or thigh it could make it grow and another surgery would be needed. I am hopping a little too much now. I've lost over 60 lbs therefore it should feel much better!I need to take more protein. I'm trying to get it all in my food and that is not working! I need to purchase that apple melon drink that I was able to tolerate. I just can't see coming off that type of money. However, it has to be done since I can't eat 50 grams of protein a day. I do not want to lose my hair or lose muscle. I wonder if that is a possibility with the leg. I don't know. Best thing to do is go to the doctor. I don't mind going now. I used to be afraid to go to the doctor. Anyway, I really didn't have anything to report, I was just acknowledging the fact that today makes 2 months that I decided to change my life. I am going to learn how to link pages from mine. I have 2 people that I keep in regular contact with and I want you to chart their progress as well. I will try and convince them to chart their progress. These pages are a pitiful sight. They haven't done anything to them! I am going to talk about them so bad! Anyway, I am so excited that I get to meet Mikysha and her lovely family this month. I'm really looking forward to that. Here is Tamikia's page:http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=H1131812573Here's Mikysha's page:http://obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/members/profile.php?N=R1083703745By the way, I added pictures on my picture trail. I guess I should get my sister to take a picture of me tomorrow for my anniversary. You can see how cute my surgeon is also. He is very easy on the eyes. I look forward to going to the doctor. lolWell, I will end here cuz if I don't I will keep rambling on and on and on. See what I'm saying....lol SMOOCHIES I stepped on the scale today and I only lost 5 lbs. That is such a downer. At least I lost that though! Well, if I stop eating the wrong things then I would lose more. I know I am losing inches. People are commenting on the changes but 5 lbs shouldn't look so different should it? Anyway, I am grateful for the loss in weight. By the way, I changed my name to just 4eva-unique. SMOOCHIES
APRIL 10, 2006 @ 5:24 PMHELLO EVERYONE......How about I am totally disgusted today. I've only lost 4 pounds in 10 days. I am losing inches and you can really tell, but the scale is not moving the way that I want it to! I know this is not a race, but I want to lose 100 lbs by my 3 month anniversary. I have 29 more lbs to go. I guess I have to get on a liquid diet or something. I am not eating as it is. Dr. Barker did tell me to trick my mind, and that my body is in starvation mode. It is holding on because I am not feeding it. I don't feel like eating though and when I do, I am eating the wrong things. I know....shame on me! I must say that I am not trying sweets or anything like that. However, I will pop a peppermint in my mouth real quick. I do not like a dry mouth or stank breathe!!!! So a sistah got to keep it fresh! Well, I still haven't heard from 3 people who claim to be my so call friends. In this life you must let people go and I have done that. They are gone! I am confused about it but I'm not going to worry about it. I have a couple of people who claim they are interested in me. Do I believe them NO... My thinking is what do they want from me!?! Time will tell. Now, what do I see when I look in the mirror? The same me. I do not see a change, however it is nice to hear that I'm looking different. I saw a friend today and she wanted to know what I've been doing to lose weight. I hadn't told her that I had the surgery until today. I wanted it to be a surprise when she saw me. She heard that I lost weight, but nothing prepared her for what she saw. It feels good to see people look at you with their mouth open, and to hear, girl you look good! I am not doing what I suppose to either. I am not getting in enough protein because I can't stomach it, and I'm not taking my vitamins. I don't know if my body is rebelling because I had to pick up the cane for the past week. The weather has been up and down, but more up than down. It feels bad, I need to get an MRI done. I hope when I got those steroid shots in the hospital it didn't trigger something in my leg. I have to wrap it up and walk with a cane. I am in serious pain. Also, I am not getting in all of my liquids either. I am batting a 1000 aren't I?Well, I guess I will crawl into my little corner with my little 4 lb weightloss. Please take my advice: Take your vitamins and make sure you get your protein in. OH..I am suppose to meet MiKysha and her family tomorrow morning. I am really looking forward to seeing her face to face. I wish she could go to a support meeting but they have to be moving on. She is such a sweetheart and I really enjoy talking to her. I pray that this will be a lasting friendship. Her husband is a trip as well! I love talking to him too. They are good people, and I love their accents. (smile) I hope she put something on that page of hers so you can see how warm she is!Again, make sure you do what the doctor tells you to do. Don't do what I do, be better than me! Well, gotta go now.... SMOOCHIES.
APRIL 11, 2006 @ 6:20 PMHELLO ALL.....Well, I met Mikysha and her beautiful family today. I wish I had more time to spend with them, I really enjoyed them. I really want a family of my own now!!!! Anyway, my time will come, I just have to be patient. You know that is something that I don't have that much of. I really hope we get to spend time together in the future. I'm gonna have to go to their town one day. I have a picture of her and her hubby on my picture trail. For some reason the other pictures will not download. I guess they are too big. Anyway, I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I met my extended family today. They are so sweet and beautiful, even down to the baby! Well, I am out, and I will talk to you later......SMOOCHIES
APRIL 13, 2006 @ 5:09 PMHELLO EVERYBODY.....I have to type everything that I just typed again. I accidently pushed a button and everything is gone. Let's see if I can have the same enthusiam I had a few mins ago.........I went to a support meeting on Tuesday for Dr. Barker and I'm going to one tonight for Turning Point. I hope to learn a few more things tonight.I started taking my vitamins and also adding a little protein in. I feel a little better, however my leg is still bothering me. I can't get any walking done due to the leg. However, my mom has me walking all over stores so I guess I am getting in a little exercise. I lost another 3 lbs so I'm happy about that. I guess this stuff really works......lolI have had an extremely good day, I found out that I can wear a size 30 jeans and they didn't have an elastic waist. Now let me tell you why I'm so happy.....I haven't worn jeans in 14 years! So I went from a size 38/40 to a size 30. I have a suit that is a 38 that I'm going to have to pin to wear for Easter, it is a bad suit, but anyway, it was tight and I hadn't worn it for 2 years. I can tell the inches are coming off, I was just discouraged about the numbers not moving. Now, it really doesn't matter, I just want the weight gone. Do you feel me!?!Hopefully, I can weigh in tonight. I don't really trust the scale we have here, and if those numbers are higher than the one here, I will be crushed. Anyway, I have to admit..... My name is 4 EVA and I have an addiction to the scale. Once I found out that my mom's scale can hold my big butt, I've been on it! The scale is not your friend. If it doesn't say what you want it to say it can affect your mood. So if I were you, I wouldn't get on it all the time. I was bombed because I had only lost 4 lbs in 10 days. However inches were coming off. I was able to get in a dress that I hadn't been able to wear. My mom told me to get rid of all my big clothes. I don't have any new clothes. All my clothes are big. So I tried on a 3X top and guess what, I could wear it. I am so happy. I still feel comfortable in my 4X though. I still have that mentality of trying to hide some things. My mom says I need to get out of that. Anyway, if you are reading this and you have some clothes that you can give to a sistah, I would greatly appreciate it!Well, I think I will end it here. I will end on a high note. My numbers went down on the scale and I was able to get into some clothes that I didn't think this day would come! YEAH!!!!!Oh, I will not udate my chart because I'm running out of room. So I will only do that once a month. So I will talk about the weightloss on the entries. Love you all.......SMOOCHIES
APRIL 16, 2006 @ 9:24 PMHAPPY EASTER........Well, I decided to try and add some pictures on here to update on my diva look...lol I hope I do this right. I wore the suit that I talked about earlier and yes I had to pin it. What a shame...but am I complaining? HECK NO!!!!!!!!! I get called Diva all the time, so tell me if you think I look like one: I took a picture with my mother as well today so here it is. Do I look like her?: This is my sister Loni. She has been by my side. Remember, I wrote a letter to her before my surgery. Well, I wrote another one that has disappeared. Her and the guy that I talked about don't even call me, but that is another story and I don't want to relive the confusing situation. Anyway, her is Loni:I took those pictures with my camera phone. I hope you liked them. I finally see a little weight loss. It is hard when you have on light colors to see weightloss, but I actually do. That suit I had on used to be tight and restricting! I am so glad that it was extremely loose. It is a hot mess that I had to pin it to my slip though.I really don't have anything to talk about. I have not stepped on the scale and I am so proud of myself. Today, I really didn't want to eat meat, and all I wanted to do in the past was eat meat. All I want now is fruit, but I was told that I can gain weight eating it. I can eat a lot of fruit, but I can't eat that much food. I think I shrunk some more. I don't think I am 5'10 anymore. What is happening to me? lol The incredible shrinking woman.Well, I guess I will end it right here. I pray that you had a beautiful Easter and the rest of your evening will go well. SMOOCHIES
APRIL 22, 2006 @ 2:45 PMHELLO EVERYONE...........I'm so excited today, I just weighed in and I'm down 80 lbs total. Oh my goodness....I have 20 more pounds before I become a member of the century club! I didn't make it for my 3 month rebirth but that's ok, I will get there! Then again, I know that the scale here is off 2lbs so that's even better that would make it 18 pounds to go...am I stretching it or what...lolI don't have anything to report. I'm trying to get in as much protein as possible. I do not want my body eating itself! I have to space out my medication because my insurance doesn't kick in until May 1 and I need meds real bad. I hope I don't mess up anything.I tried to drink a diet soda and that didn't work. I shook it up and let it sit out without the top and it still had fizz. I even put water in it and froze it. Still didn't feel right. So I guess the soda's are out. That is all good cuz I really don't miss it. I miss being able to eat! I will have something I really want and only able to eat a few bites. I'm not complaining though, cuz how else would I have been able to lose 80+ lbs? It is moving so slowly though. I wish it would just fall off. I have a long way to go. I have set these little goals for myself and I didn't accomplish this 3 month goal so that is a little disappointing. However, I have to keep things in perspective, I'm losing weight period! I want to be a certain size by my birthday. I want to be at least in a 26/28. I have 2 more months. I am squeezing in a 30 now, it depends on how its made. To get the comfort I like, I am sticking with the 4x. I guess that is good though, to come from a 6x to a 3x in less than 3 months. I can actually get in some 3x things.I want to post this so I will always have it:PROTEIN TRAIN DIET:You CAN NOT have:Bread, pasta, rice, potatoes, flour, beansCookies, Cakes, PiesFruit nor fruit juicesNutsMore than one (1) green, leafy vegetable per dayYou CAN have (please read the labels because some meats have carbs, e.g., turkey bacon, chicken franks, some deli meats):MeatsCheeseEggsJerkyOne (1) green, leafy vegetable per DAY. Note: Broccoli is not a green, leafy vegetable.As much water (or other SF, Decaf, Non-Caloric, Non-Carbonated beverage)No bending rules!!!!PLATEAU BUSTER:#1 - Do this for 10 days to break a plateau #2 - Drink 2 quarts of water a day #3 - You must have 45 grams of protein supplement and all your vitamins/minerals supplements each day #4 - You may consume up to 3 oz of the following high protein foods, 5x a day beef pork chicken turkey lamb fish eggs low fat cheese cottage cheese plain yogurt or artificially sweetened (?) peanut butter beans/legumes You may also have: sugar free Popsicles tea or coffee sugar free soda sugar free jello broths/bullion (sp?) crystal light drinks #5 - If it's not on the list, you can't have it for 10 days!!!! #6 - Keep a food diary and try to get up to 30 mins of exercise dailyWell I guess I've talked long enough. I took a picture with my sister's camera phone but for some reason we can't get it to forward to my cell or an email address. I will try and take a picture tomorrow and post it. I never was one to take pictures but since I'm losing weight, I can't stay away from the camera. Someone told me that would happen. I just didn't think it would happen so soon. I'm still fluffy! Talk to you later....SMOOCHIESBTW my BMI went down to 53.1 and here is my ticker tracker. I think I'm going to start doing it like this.
APRIL 24, 2006 @ 2:36 PMHELLO EVERYONE.....I just stepped on the scale and I've lost an additional 5 lbs, so therefore I've lost a total of 85 lbs. I am so happy. I have 6 more days to try and squeeze 15 lbs off me. I know that is not going to happen but a girl can dream can't she? LOL I'm so happy. I stepped on and off that scale 2 times to make sure it said the right numbers. I think it is off 2 lbs so you never know, I only have to lose 13 lbs by the 1st. I might not get in the century club in 3 months but I'm fighting real hard to get there! I think I'm way ahead of the game. I am really loving this tool!!!! Wish me luck. I will let you know how it goes in a few days. Also, I'm trying to hurry up and get out of the 50's with my BMI. It is slowing moving down. I put those jeans on again and danced around my room to the song on my profile. I thought I was super sexy. You couldn't tell me nothing. I guess I need to take a picture in the jeans huh? I will do that Friday. I will have my sister take it for me, then I will post it. I haven't even told her that I can wear jeans, she will be totally shocked to see me in some. Maybe I need to start wearing clothes that show my weightloss, I am still flossing the bigger clothes, why, cuz a sister does not have the money to go and get new stuff! I will break through in some new stuff later. AGAIN, IF YOU HAVE SOME CLOTHES THAT YOU WANT TO DONATE TO ME I WOULD LOVE TO HAVE THEM. Well, I guess I will end here for now. If I think of something else, you know I will be back! SMOOCHIES
APRIL 28, 2006 @ 3:08 PMHELLO ALL I have nothing new to report. I am still holding it strong at 85 lbs. I am not getting in my protein and I dont want to eat. That is no good. Anyway I was playing around with my camera and I hope you like the picture. I know, I am suppose to take a picture with the jeans on. I will eventually! Talk to you later SMOOCHIES
MAY 2, 2006 @ 11:42 PMHELLO ALL Well, I missed documenting my 3 month re-birth anniversary. Let me tell ya . I was just released from the hospital today. I ate 3 bites of Chinese food on Friday and threw up and it had blood in it. So you know I had to go to the hospital to get things checked out. Come to find out, I was dehydrated, had a urine infection, and my potassium was low! So I guess it was good I went to the hospital! I am doing just fine now. I am still holding at 85 lbs. Well, to tell you the truth, with all the fluid they put in me, I gained 5 lbs. I am not a happy camper, but I know that I will lose it! While in the hospital, Tamikia came to see me. She looks great!!!! I was hating yall. She is working her tool and I am proud of her. I spoke with MiKysha and she is down to a size 16. I am so proud of her, she is working her tool as well! I am really hating over here. I know that I am losing, I just wish I was out of the 30s, but I am working on it. I wish I was in a 28 comfortably. Depending on how its made I can wear it. I had a very nice roommate in the hospital so that was good. I was extremely tired today and tried to sleep my life away. Marti from Turning Point came to visit me. I thought I had another stricture but they said I didnt. However, I have to go to the GI specialist in 2 weeks so they can do a scope. So if there is a little narrowing then they can fix me right on up! I have to go see my PCP on Friday. Then remember I have to see my Surgeon on Tuesday the 9th, so I am fixed up with the appointments. On the 16th, Turning Point is having a support meeting and they have a psychologist coming in to talk to us. So I think I am going to try and make that. I know that I am losing weight, but I dont see it. I know that this a mind thing and we have to see our new and improved selves!Let me tell you, I did not eat from Friday night until Monday evening. They were trying to starve me. However, I did have some cheese and a beef pepperoni stick with some tea. I was hungry! They wanted to do the GI test before they gave me anything. Again, a sistah was hungry and thirsty. They didnt want to give me anything to drink either! They were seriously trippin! So you know from here on out, I will force myself to eat and drink. I am tired of being stuck in the hospital. My left arm is really hurting from the IV. They had to change it last night so I was stuck a total of 3 times on my left side and once on my right. My veins tend to roll so they have a rough time when they try and get an IV in. Im pretty sure my mom is going to make sure I do right as well. I went over to a friends house tonight and they were on me hard about drinking and eating. They do not realize that my stomach is tiny and they wanted me to clean my plate. That didnt happen, so they were a little bit upset. They got over it! If they didnt oh well .Well, I guess I should end here. I cant think of anything else to say. My mom will be coming home tomorrow from her vacation. I havent seen her in 2 weeks so I am ready to see my mommy!J Talk to you later SMOOCHIES
MAY 7, 2006 @ 7:11 PMHELLO ALL ..Well, I really dont have anything to report. I just wanted to post some pictures that I took today. The first picture is a head shot and the next one is of me and a friend by the name of Chante. Shes the one that hooked up my hair. Isnt it cute?!?! I know you better be nodding your head yes lolOh I went to the doctor and he wants to do a sonogram on my right leg. It stays swollen and it has nothing to do with surgery so dont think you will have problems like that. I had a tumor removed back in 2004 and it never went down. I thought after losing 85 lbs, I would be on top of the world and I wouldnt hurt the way I do, but it seems as if its gotten worse! Also, I had a knot on my left arm right above where the IV was, and Dr. Ukoha wants to do a sonogram on it, but it is going down. I am so glad of that because it was seriously hurting.As you can see, I added my voice to my page. I saw this on another members page and I just had to have it! I did send her a thank you email. I hope she doesnt get mad that I did that. LI ate like a piglet yesterday. We had a fish fry and we had fish, BBQ wings, salad, corn on the cob, fries, and tater tots. I ate fish, 2 little wings, salad, and an ear of corn. I was eating. I have fluid on me as well. I was given medication for it, hopefully it will work!Speaking of medication, I walked out of the doctors office with 4 prescriptions plus the one I left the hospital with. Guess what, my insurance does not want to pay for my Protonix, so I have to find another alternative for it. They paid for it this time but they will not do it anymore. That is crap!!!! Anyway, I developed a rash in the area of where they IV was, where they took blood, and in my precious little area. So I have cream for that. The cream is working fast for my arms but my little precious area is taking its time! Plus I wear a girdle so it irritates it as well. Not a good feeling and you are probably saying TMI, but if you look at it, it is not TMI because it is part of my WLS complications. I hope I am not one of those people that will get rashes from the extra skin, cuz this crap is for the birds. Im also very sensitive everywhere on my body. I keep powder on, I dont believe in the big girl funk. She also has her own deodorant, so I am NOT trying to hear that someone smelled ~4EVA~ LOL. So you know Im miserable because I cant fix her up like I want to! Now that is probably TMI..LOLWell, I dont know what else to talk about. I said I didnt have much to say, but that was a lie wasnt it? By the way, I hope you did not laugh at my country voice. I am so tired of hearing that I am country! I dont hear it .I may be southern but I am not country. Actually, I dont have a deep southern drawl, I have a sexy voice in my opinion! Well, at least thats what Im told.Oh yeah, I forgot something. I have written a page worth of stuff already . Anyway, I finally came clean to some family about my weight loss. They kept saying, youve lost some weight and I would say .just a little. They were like no youve lost a lot. I always wear big clothes so you cant really tell. Well, yesterday I had on something tailored to fit my body and you could tell. It felt good to hear the compliments. Someone told me yesterday, if you dont think highly of yourself how can you expect someone else to? You have to think you look good and dont worry about what others think! Well, I know that Im attractive and Im not ugly by a long shot, but now I have to get in my head that I am beautiful, no matter what other people think! Also, I was given a compliment on my looks as far as age is concerned. They thought I was younger than what I really am. You know I was cheesing on that one! Well, in a month and some days I will be 35 yrs old. As time goes by, I see that I look younger. Weight packs on years. So just think how old I will look after the weight comes off!Oh let me tell you about the clothes I got. No I didnt go shopping they were given to me. I do not want to go shopping until I get down to my goal weight. I have so many sizes already. Anyway, my mom was on vacation and she brought some clothes back from my aunt who recently had the surgery and shes lost a lot already. Anyway, I am in a 3X yall. Yes, my big butt can get in a 3X. I can get in some 26/28 depending on how its made. I like a little room in my clothes because I try to hide things. So I am sticking with my 4X which is technically too big, but I have to wear something. The clothes my mom came back with are 26/28s mostly, so I am in between sizes right now. It feels so good to be going down instead of up! I have to convince my mom not to throw away clothes in her closet that are too big for her cuz I can get down to them. That is a struggle cuz she wants to throw things away all the time. A sistah needs clothes!!!! I have clothing sizes covered until I get to a size 20. Then I have to go to Neiman Marcus, which is the thrift store. I have no problems going there so I am going to have fun going! I have to go to one that has a dressing room cuz I dont want to buy the wrong size clothes. You can find some good bargains there. Well enough of that. I will truly end it right here! Will talk to you later ..SMOOCHIES
MAY 18, 2006 @ 10:30 AMHELLO ALL Well I am doing ok. I didnt get the sonogram because of scheduling conflicts at the doctors office. They didnt call me to tell me anything I had to call them. I really want to get this over with!!!! I stepped on the scale and I AM OFFICIALLY 100 LBS SMALLER!!!!!!!!! You know that I am totally excited. It took 3 months and 17 days for this to happen. It has been a rough journey but Im ok. I have a long way to go, but who would have thought in less than 4 months I would have lost a whole person!?!?! I dont know how to celebrate. Ive been waiting for this moment for a long time! Other than that, I dont have anything to report. Waiting for them to schedule the sonogram to see if my leg is ok, and I want my knee replacement. I have to drop 50 more lbs to get my gall bladder removed. So I am looking to have all this done this year! I am trying to get all of this taken care of ASAP!Well, I guess I will let you go for now. Keep me in your prayers, because I am constantly getting fussed at for not eating the way I should. I need to keep fluids in because I do not want to go back to the hospital. Love you all ..SMOOCHIES
MAY 22, 2006 @ 9:52 AMHELLO ALL ..I am doing ok, trying to take one day at a time. I wanted to let you know that I added a slide show to my page it is so cute. I need to start taking pictures again. I am really trippin! Im trying to get my water in and also to eat more. I really dont like food and I still get nauseous. I cant wait until I lose this 50 lbs so I can get my gall bladder removed. This feeling is for the birds!I received a wow moment on Saturday. Its this one particular lady who makes comments about me losing weight. Well on Friday I wore clothes that were tailored for my body and people could tell that I had lost a lot of weight. A few people made comments about it on Saturday. The lady that always says something said: I see you losing all this weight getting sexy and everything! I said yes I have lost a little weight. Another lady chimed in and said: I was just telling my sister yesterday that either Deniese is wearing really big clothes or shes lost a lot of weight. I went on and told them that it is a combination of both. Ive lost 100 lbs and they act like they were so excited for me. Mind you these are the same people that dont like me for whatever reason. Ive been told that its because I have a voice and they want to compete with me. That is sad if its true!Ive noticed that Im more outgoing. I do like to have a good time, I just suppressed it because I wanted to hide from the world. I didnt want them to see me because of all the weight. I know that is horrible thinking but when I got up to the weight I was at, I was really miserable!!! As far as my personal life. Its trying to pick up. I ran into an old boyfriend and of course you hear the mess of I should have married you among other lies! I do not want to go backwards so therefore I will keep my distance.Oh yeah something else happened. I wanted to get some hot wings so bad one night and I went and ordered 6 because that was the least I could get. Anyway, I asked for them and this guy was just cheesing in my face! He also gave me extra. Now that didnt happen when I weighed 100 lbs more. That is a waste of food because I only ate 2 of them! I guess I should be flattered that men are noticing me. I also met this guy on line and told him that I had the gastric bypass surgery and he has a problem with it because he is a chubby chaser. So oh well. He wasnt the one for me either. People really do trip dont they? Also, I am so glad that my BMI is down to 50.2 however, I wish it was under 50 so I will have to work on that. I also cant wait until I get under 300. That is my next goal!!! Wish me luck, I know I have to eat to accomplish that goal. Keep me in your prayers because a sistah does NOT like to eat!Well, I will be returning my computer on the 3rd of next month, so I dont know how often I will update my profile. I just cant afford this bill. I will have to purchase me a computer put it on lay-a-way or something. Well, Ive talked long enough, and I know you are tired of reading. Talk to you later ..SMOOCHIES
JUNE 1, 2006 @ 1:45 PMHELLO ALL ..I am doing fine. Today is my 4 month anniversary and I am down 110 lbs! I hit a milestone and the weight has been coming off slowly! I am not complaining because at least it is coming off!!!! I am grateful for this tool. I just wish I could eat like normal people. I look at people and say oh I wish I could eat like that! One day I will be able to eat. Anyway, I only have 40 more pounds to lose before I can get my gall bladder removed. Ill be glad when it comes out because I am tired of being nauseous all the time. Yes I am anticipating a surgery. I need to get my knee replaced as well. Dont you know they have not called me about the sonogram either! What in the world is going on???????I am now in a 26/28 depending on how its made. So I guess you can say I am in a 28W. I like the way I look in clothes now. It is only going to get better! Anyway, I am turning in my computer, so I will not be updating as often. I dont see me going to the library all the time. Im having car problems right now so I have to chill. Things will get greater later. This is going to be my motto!My BMI is under 50 in fact it is 48.8!!!! I am so happy!!!!!!! Now I am extremely obese. I am out of the super obese category. Today is a happy day!!!!!!!Well, I will end it right here. I pray that what Ive said on my page have helped someone along their journey. Talk to you later ..SMOOCHIES
JUNE 4, 2006 @ 12:27 AMHELLO ALL Well, I finally realized just how much weight I lost by taking a picture today! It is a little blurry so hopefully you will be able to tell how much Ive lost. This picture represents 110 lbs lost!!!!!! These are not the jeans I was talking about but they are denim capris and they are a size 26/28!!!!!!! The jeans I talked about earlier were a size 30.On another note .. I dumped on a fresh peach this evening. I think it was too hard and it irritated my little pouch. While I am on vacation from the internet I will name my pouch. Anyway .I will miss the internet and dont talk about me too bad. I will miss you all and remember I still love ya!!!! I wish all of you pre-ops the best and I know that everything will work out alright! You are in my prayers. As far as the post ops continue striving for success!!!!! SMOOCHIES ..
JUNE 19, 2006 @ 1:50 PMHELLO ALL...........It has been a while since I've posted on my page. I am doing ok. I celebrated my 35th birthday on the 16th. Actually, I call it my 25/10 birthday. Here is a picture of me. I don't know why it is so blurry. I had on a big shirt. I really do need to stop doing that!
I've lost a total of 119 lbs. I am so happy about that. I love hearing the compliments!!! I will try and post more often. Well, my BMI steadily going down. Yes, yes, yes. I tried on a pair of 26W jeans and they fit. I wish I was losing faster but I am happy regardless! I will take a picture in my birthday outfit on Friday I guess and post it. I didn't wear it cuz I didn't have my party. Well, I am going to a birthday party on the 1st, I'll probably wait until then to take the picture. I want all the bloating to be gone before I put on the outfit. lolWell, I'll talk to you later and I hope all is well with you. I hope to have my gall bladder removed soon. Well, I want to wait until after my reunion which is in August. I go to the doctor in August and hopefully I will be under 300 by then. That is my next goal! I am 330 now. So I have almost 2 months to get down to the desired size Dr. Barker wants me. I am suppose to be 275 for the knee replacement. However, maybe they may do it early. I want all of this done this year! Don't you know Dr. Ukoha's office has NOT called me about the sonogram yet. I'm pretty ticked about that. I want to know if something is going on with my leg. They are tripping!!!! But I don't want to upset myself. I will end here. Talk to you later....SMOOCHIES...........JULY 31, 2006 @ 10:42 AMHELLO ALL.......Oh my I haven't updated since June 19th. What is wrong with me?! Well, nothing much is really going on. I'm still weak from that procedure I did back on the 30th of June. It really did a number on me! I can't believe it's been over a month since I updated. Well, I was hoping to get to my personal goal of getting under 300 by my 6 month anniversary but that will not happen. Tomorrow will mark 6 months and I am 6 pounds away from that goal. Therefore, I have to lose it over night. The scale goes up and down, cuz I was at a lose of 147 lbs on Saturday and today I am at 145 lbs. I am still doing good! I've lost a whole person!!!! I am averaging a lose of 25 lbs per month. That's pretty good seeing that I am not exercising. I need to get my leg checked on because something is not right with it. I am swelling and it hurts. I never did get that sonogram. They never called me! I guess I need to go somewhere else. Well, I will try and update more often.SEPTEMBER 12, 2006 @ 8:20PMHELLO ALL..............Yes it's been a long time since I updated my profile. I haven't been home so I haven't made it a priority to update. I have to do a lot of work on this page. It seems as if all my little graphics are gone. Let's see, I'm under 300 but the numbers are moving real slow! Actually I am 287. I haven't seen this number in a long time. I'm happy with the weightloss, however, I thought it would be more of a change. I had my gall bladder removed on the 28th of last month. I am doing ok. Now I am working on something else. I have a growth on the back of my right knee and it is pressing against my blood vessels causing my leg to swell. I probably would have found out sooner if my PCP would have scheduled that sonogram! I asked Dr. Barker did he know someone and he recommended Dr. Goldman. However, this doctor does not remove tumors so I don't know if I will use him to do my knee replacement. I thought I only had one more surgery to look forward to but now I have 2. I am trying to take my vitamins on a regular basis. I was extremely weak, but it is getting better.I am engaged to be married!!!!! I will be getting married on Dec. 12th, so wish me luck. Sometimes, I have a real bad attitude and that is NOT good! Well, that is all I have to report. I will go see the tumor doctor tomorrow to find out the specifics. That is weighing heavy on my mind, but I know God is going to take care of me. Well, I'll talk to you later!!!!! SMOOCHIES......OCTOBER 2, 2006 @ 2:07 PMHELLO ALL......I am doing ok and I hope all is well with you. Ok, I am having surgery on Friday. I am having the tumor removed and I am totally scared! I know God is with me and He is going to bring me out victoriously!!! I have only lost 10 lbs since my last post on my page. Well, at least I'm losing weight right? I really need to do something with this page because all my little stuff is gone. According to my BMI, I am only obese now....YEAH!! I am moving on down the scale, this is so exciting. I should lose quite a bit of weight once this tumor is removed. My leg is extremely swollen from the top to the bottom and it is heavy. I have went from super morbidly obese to just obese. I am really doing it aren't I?! I've lost 173 lbs in 8 months. That's an average of 21.625 lbs a month. I really need to take a picture. Maybe I'll take one with my camera phone so you will know what I look like now....smile. I've taken pictures with my camera but haven't gotten them developed. However, that doesn't do you any good does it?...smile. Well, I'll talk to you later....SMOOCHIESNOVEMBER 3, 2006HELLO ALL..........I AM SO EXCITED!!!!!!! I HAVE OFFICIALLY LOST 200 LBS!!!!!!! My current weight is 250 lbs. Since my last entry I have lost a total of 27 lbs. I am so excited. I am in a 20/22 depending on how its made. I tried on bras and oh my goodness I am in a D cup. I have went from 54DDD to a 40D. What a jump!!!!!! This surgery is something else. I have my ups and downs, but I'm still here. Some days I can eat real good and then there are times when I don't want anything. Well, I wanted to update, I'm actually in a hurry. I will talk to you later...SMOOCHIES.....DECEMBER 20, 2006HELLO ALL........YES IT'S BEEN A WHILE!!!! Guess what....I'M MARRIED NOW!!!! It is officially 1 week and 1 day today! He is a wonderful man, so caring and he spoils the heck out of me!As far as the weightloss.... well it is pretty stable now. I fluctuate between 240 and 245, how depressing...however I am not even close to where I used to be! I will post a picture of me on my wedding night after my post. I am wearing 18's and 20's depending on how they are made. I wish I could get out of the 20's period. I have a lot of loose skin! If I was able to get that removed I'm pretty sure I would lose about 20 lbs. ok maybe not that much but you never know! I look at my body and wonder how it would be without all the excess. You probably wouldn't be able to tell me nothing...lol At my 'celebration' I was brave enough to wear some tight pants. Oh they were so tight that I had to lay down on the bed and he helped me button and zip them. lol They were the stretch type pants, the one's that look like someone poured you in them. Everyone said I looked good!!!! I had a booty in them as well!!!! Maybe I need to find more pants like that. I took a picture however, I haven't gotten them developed. I hope I don't look like a stuffed frog on that picture. I've noticed that I have a big face with a little body, what is up with that....lol If only I could get rid of this stomach I would be the bomb...lol I had my MRI done for my leg but I will not get the results until the 29th. That is a long time to wait, but I pray that all is going well with it. I was determined to walk down the aisle without a cane and I did it! I also pray that my weightloss start back up. I really wanted to be out of the 200's but it is not looking good right now. However, 210 lbs is nothing to sneeze at! I've done pretty good in 10 months and 2 weeks! Well, I will get out of here and hopefully all is well with you. Keep me in your prayers......SMOOCHIES
JANUARY 2, 2007HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HELLO ALL.........I've had an amazing 2006! I had my surgery 2/1/06, I've had a total of 3 surgeries, and 2 procedures. Praise God the tumor that was removed on 10/06/06 is gone, however, residual tumor from 2004 in my knee is still there. I had to get a cortisone shot on the 29th of Dec. He wants to do this for a while to keep it at bay. He does not want to do the knee replacement while I'm in my 30's. If the shots do not do any good then he is going to have to go in there and clean all this out and see what happens.As far as the weightloss, I've lost a total of 215 lbs. I am now 235 lbs, in a size 18 all across the board, in jeans and everything! I tried on an XL dress and it fit well, didn't see my stomach or anything. I also tried on a Large t-shirt and it fit great. People are calling me "skinny-minny" now. Never thought that would happen! If I didn't have this stomach it would be on! My thighs are something else, but I look fabulous in clothes...lol I thought I wanted to start on a family but I know that will happen when God says it is time, however, I want to see how small I can get. I wanted to be in an 18 by the end of 2006 and it happened. I wonder how small I will be on my 1 year "surgeversiary" <- what a word....lol. My husband says I'm wasting away to nothing. I will be at a size 2 in no time....whatever.....I do not want to be that small! My body will not allow that to happen anyway. I wonder will I be in a 12 by the end of this year if that is possible for my body. I have been walking a little bit more. I have some sore legs. I do have more energy...PRAISE GOD FOR THAT!Well, I guess I will end here. I pray that you will reach all your goals this year, stay focused, and keep God first! I love you all....SMOOCHIES.........
JANUARY 26, 2007HELLO ALL......Well, I decided just to pop in and say hello! I don't have anything to report, I am just chilling. However, I took a few pictures on the 18th and the 20th and wanted to post them on here, so enjoy...This is how I look with hair. You know I am a hair queen!!! lol Talk to you later!!!! SMOOCHIESFEBRUARY 1, 2007HELLO EVERYONE.....Today is my one year surgiversay!!!!! I am still holding in at 235. A total of 215 lbs lost. I am so excited. I got a car today!!!! I am doing it aren't I???!!!!! I had gotten down to 232 but I don't know what happened. I think it is that time but it hasn't shown up like it's suppose to. The water weight gain is there though.I posted on BAF about my accomplishments. I haven't been on the board for quite some time. People don't know me on there. I am going to try and visit often. You know how that goes. I wanted to post something since it was my anniversary. I didn't want this day to go by without saying something to you guys. Keep me in your prayers because I want to lose another 58 lbs and the pounds are coming off slowly. I will keep the faith. God did not bring me this far for nothing. I am satisfied where I am, but I would love to see what I look like skinny...lol SMOOCHIES...JUNE 04, 2007HELLO ALL......I feel so bad, I haven't updated since my 1 yr date! This is so sad..please accept my apology. Well, to be honest with you, there is nothing to report. I am slowly losing weight. However, I have found out that if I eat like a little piglet, I lose weight! I had to change my little children's vitamin, so I will see how that works out. I am kinda tired. I am going to up my iron intake and see if that works. I took an MRI last Friday on my knee. I have a tumor still in there and I'm hoping that the knot that I feel on the back of my knee is not a growth. Don't you know I am so tired of being cut on! I know all of this will work out for the good. I had tumors removed from my uterus in April. I bet you're shaking your head right about now. None of this is related to the surgery so don't get scared...lol.Well, that is about it. I really need to do something with this page cuz it has too many little X's on it. I don't like that and I can't convert it for some reason! I don't have my music or my voice, that is a hot mess! Oh yeah, people keep telling me I need to stop losing weight! What kind of crap is that!!!! I want to at least be in onederland... I need to lose 16 pounds to get there, but I would love to lose 20 to save face...hehehe. Although I would love to be at a goal weight of 177. I don't know if that will happen. Let me tell you something funny. I was in the bathroom trying to weigh my stomach sitting on the toilet and my husband walked in. Anyway, this bad boy I'm carrying around weighs 10 pounds!!!! I would love to get rid of my excess skin!!! My husband said that if I would get rid of the excess skin I would probably weigh around 190. Do I have any volunteers to send in a donation for my surgery????? Let's not talk about the non existent boobs. I was bending down and saw the hot mess that used to be my breasts and I wanted to cry! Tried on a C cup bra and it only filled it up cuz of the skin. So to be honest with you I don't know what size my boobs are. I have DDD cups, D cups, and C's. They all fit! It depends on the company that makes the bra. Oh I got my wedding ring sized and it is a 6! My ring size has went down from an 11 to a 6 people!!!! I personally think it should have been a little looser but the jeweler said it would twist if I did that. As far as my shoe size, it has come from a 13W to an 11 W or a reg 12, depending on the shoe. So I still have some boats! I am in a 16W or a reg 18. So I have come from a 40W to a 16W. I feel so blessed!!!!Well, that is my update. I hope you have enjoyed it. Talk with you later!!!! SMOOCHIES.......JUNE 30, 2007HELLO ALL.........Well at least I was able to get in a post before the month was out. LOL... Anyway, I have been doing alright. The results are in on my MRI. The tumor is still there and it is in my tissue. So the only way to get this tumor out of my body is to cut my leg off. THAT IS NOT AN OPTION! They are going to watch me over the next 3 months and see what happens. If it grows I will have to have surgery. The cortisone shot does not work so there is no need to get it.On a happier note.... I have started walking for a form of exercise and I can walk 2 miles!!!! Can you believe it? I couldn't! I had to hold on to my husband at the end of the journey but I did it! So now I have to get stronger and work toward that 3 miles he wants me to walk.Has anyone been through this.....I went down to 207 lbs and now I am back up to 215. At certain times of the month when my body is preparing to do the "woman" thing I gain weight 3 weeks in advance. Once I'm off, I go down and stay there for a week. What is that all about???????Now, I am not getting a sensation of being full. I can't eat that much but I get hungry quick. I don't know what that is about either.Well, all is well with me and I am just adjusting to the new me. I will check back and hopefully update my page. SMOOCHIES.....AUGUST 30, 2007WOW, I haven't posted anything in a while. I'M IN ONEDERLAND!!!!!Here is the post I did on the board:Hello everyone,I must apologize for not being on board for a long time! I have finally stepped into onederland!!!! I weigh 198 lbs! I've lost a total of 252 lbs as of 8/27/07. I tried on some capri's and they were a size 14!!!!!!! OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!! Me in a size 14, never would have imagined!!! Actually, I tried on some stretch 14's and they fit so then I got a little courage and tried on a pair that was a regular 14 and oh my goodness they worked. You know I bought them, and they were on sale. $5!!!!!I was just released from the hospital today. My B12 level is 181 and it suppose to be between 950 and 1500, so you know I was extremely tired! I am on top of that now. Please take ALL your meds.I would love to lose a little bit more so I can gain weight and not tip over into the 200 mark during that special time. Ladies you know what I'm talking about.Well, I'm out of here....talk to you all later.4EVAAccording to the chart, I am moderately overweight. I am no longer obese.That is all I can say right about now...so smoochies.NOVEMBER 24, 2007HELLO ALL......I see that I haven't posted in a while. I am really slipping. I'm doing ok. I will be having surgery on November 30th to remove the tumor in my right knee. I am so tired of going through this. However, I am doing what I got to do.I went to school for tax preparation and I'm certified now. So I am able to start work in January. I have to really work at walking before January. This is going to be a good year. I am approaching my 1 yr anniversary and I praise God for the wonderful husband that I have. He has really been there for me! As far as the weight....My lowest weight has been 194. I am really working toward my personal goal. However, my PCP does not want me to lose anymore weight. What does he know...lolSMOOCHIESFEB 28, 2008HELLO ALL.......Its been like forever since I've logged on!!! I have a computer at home now so I should be on here more often. I really need to upload photos don't I? lolWell, I've made it 2 yrs and doing well. My lowest weight has been 189. I'm bloated right now so I am not going to tell you how much I weigh right now lol. I'm enjoying life just hate the appearance of my body. I LOOK LIKE A DEFLATED BALLOON!!!!!! I really want to get work done, but if I don't oh well.I can wear a 12 but I prefer a 14... old habits die hard! I love my comfort. You know during that time of "bloat" you really want to be comfortable. I guess I will take some pictures and put them on here. I really miss all of you!!!SMOOCHIESMARCH 29, 2008HELLO ALL.......I am on top of the world!!!! I filmed a commercial today for Dr. Barker!!! I can't wait to see it. My husband is calling me "SUPERSTAR", how funny. Everyone will see my success! They are suppose to email me the commercial. Hopefully, I will be able to link it to the site. WoooHooo....SMOOCHIESAPRIL 22, 2008HELLO ALL....I am updating my page. I finally saw a rough draft of my commercial and I can't believe it is me! Anyway.... I'm suppose to have surgery on Friday to remove the tumor from my right leg. I pray that we go through with it this time. I'm tired of this thing in me! I found the Mary J video and decided to put it on my page. I feel like you have to take me as I am. If you can't deal with it oh well!!!! Can you feel me? I've come along way and I'm proud of myself. I would do it all over again!SMOOCHIESSEPT 5, 2008HELLO ALL.........I CAN'T BELIEVE THE LAST TIME I POSTED TO THIS THING WAS APRIL 22ND!!!!! I am so ashamed. (hiding my face)Well, let's see... I finally had my surgery on my knee to remove the tumor on August 4th and thought I was getting better but I had to go back for surgery on the 28th because I had 2 blood clots! I was in serious pain ya'll! According to the doctor I had "dinged" my liver from all those pain pills and tylenol. It was like I went on a 4 day drinking binge! The tumor was bigger than they expected and it had started eating my bone. I'm doing much better now. Now, I'm finally at home trying to recoup from being in the hospital from the 28th trip. They had to give me 3 pints of blood during my lovely stay. You know the "vampire's" came in every morning to draw blood. I'm still sore as hell. Anyway, I finally got out a few days ago and finally made it to the computer. I'm on a walker, but getting better everyday. I thank all of you that have been with me during my journey. I hope my story has inspired someone out there.SMOOCHIES........
Your Icecream Flavour is... Choc-Chip Cookie Dough!
You are fancy shmancy! You have all the bells and whistles and you attract the most gluttonous of ice-cream shop patrons. You are fattening and intensely rich. That being said, you are very tasty and have a huge fanbase! good for you!
You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July
You're a non-traditionalist, not limited by gender roles or expectations. Your sexuality is more fluid than that - and you defy labels or categories. It's hard to pin you down, and that's what's fascinating about you. You have the psychology of both a male and a female, and you can relate to anyone.
You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you!Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter.You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you.You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorableEven a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's lifeBy giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover.Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives.Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours.No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.
At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.Overall, your true self is reserved and logical.With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.In stressful situation, you seem like you're oblivious to the stress.
Why you'll love a Cancer:Cancer's loyal and sincere heart makes your own sensitive heart melt.Caring and devoted, a Cancer will take the lead in pursuing you - and not give up!Why a Cancer will love you:You're laid back enough to deal with Cancer's little mood swings and freak-outs.A fellow homebody, you know how make Cancer comfortable and at home with you.
You may not seem like you're flirting, but you know exactly what you're doing.You draw people in, very calculatingly, without them even knowing.Subtle and understated, you know how to best leverage your sex appeal.A sexy enigma, you easily become an object of obsession.
Surgeon Info: Surgeon:Wade Barker, M.D.
I feel like everyone else, Dr. Barker is VERY easy on the eyes! He is a nice looking man. He was straight and to the point. The first time I met him he sent me to another doctor to get me on Blood Pressure medication. I was not pleased with that at all! I was ready to get my surgery. The second time I went in, he was nice and easy to talk to. He complimented my laugh. *blush*
I was set up for surgery that day and he told me that he would see me on Feb. 1, 2006.
I came in with a cane and he wanted to make sure that I would be able to walk, because walking is vital to recovery. He also stressed that if I didn't take my BP pills I wouldn't be able to have surgery. You know I immediately got a refill for those darn pills so I could get my surgery done!
He came in to see me after surgery a couple of times. He is a busy man!!! In and out.
By the way....I was a transfer patient from Turning Point. I thank him for taking me in to his family and doing my surgery! Insurer Info:
I am blessed that I do not have to go through an approval process.