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BEGINNING STATS
Beginning Weight: 297
Beginning BMI: 42.7
Height: 5'10"
Age: 46
Surgery Date: Sept. 4, 2001
ALL RECENT UPDATES ARE AT THE BOTTOM
********WEIGHT LOSS TABLE*****
09/04/01.....297..... 0.....Surgery Day
09/18/01.....279.....-18.....2 weeks
09/24/01.....276.....-21.....3 weeks
10/01/01....274.5....-22.5....1 MONTH (Month Total: 22.5)
10/08/01.....272.....-25.....5 weeks
10/15/01.....266.....-31.....6 weeks
10/22/01.....261.....-36.....7 weeks
10/30/01.....258.5....-38.5....8 weeks
11/04/01.....254.....-43....2 MONTHS (Month Total 20.5)
11/13/01.....254.....-43....10 weeks
11/20/01.....249.....-48....11 weeks
11/27/01.....246.....-51....12 weeks
12/04/01.....240.5...-56.5....3 MONTHS (Month Total: 13.5)
12/11/01.....237.....-60....14 weeks
12/18/01.....232.....-65....15 weeks
12/25/01.....229.....-68....16 weeks
01/01/02.....231.....-66....17 weeks
01/04/02.....227.....-70....4 MONTHS (Month Total: 13.5)
01/13/02.....222.....-75....19 weeks
01/20/02.....221.....-76....20 weeks
01/27/02.....216.5...-80.5....21 weeks
02/04/02.....215.5.....-81.5....5 MONTHS (Month Total: 11.5)
02/10/02.....213.5...-83.5....23 weeks
02/19/02.....212.....-85.....24 weeks
02/24/02.....208.5...-88.5...25 weeks
03/04/02.....205......-92......6 MONTHS (Month Total: 10.5)
03/10/02.....205.....-92.....27 weeks
03/17/02.....205.....-92.....28 weeks
03/24/02.....202.....-95.....29 weeks
03/31/02.....200.....-97.....30 weeks
04/04/02.....198......-99......7 MONTHS (Month Total: 7)
04/09/02.....198.....-99.....32 weeks
04/14/02.....197.....-100.....33 weeks (Century Club!)
04/21/02.....194.....-103.....34 weeks
04/28/02.....189.....-108.....35 weeks
05/04/02....188.5....-108.5....8 MONTH (Month Total: 9.5)
05/12/02.....186.5.....-110.5.....37 weeks
05/27/02.....185.5.....-111.5......39 weeks
06/04/02....183.5.....-113.5.....9 MONTH (Month Total: 5)
06/11/02.....183.....-114.....41 weeks
06/25/02.....179.....-118.....43 weeks
07/04/02....177.5.....-119.5.....10 MONTH (Month Total: 6)
08/04/02....176.....-121......11 MONTH (Month Total: 1.5) (Stinking plateau!)
09/04/02....172.5.....-124.5......12 MONTH (Month Total: 3.5)
10/04/02....172.5.....-124.5......13 MONTH (Month Total: 0) (O Chi-Wah-Wah! Another Plateau!)
10/28/02.....166.....-131 13-3/4 months
11/04/02....165.....-132......14 MONTH (Month Total: 7.5)
12/04/02....163.....-134......15 MONTH (Month Total: 2)
1/04/03....163.....-134......16 MONTH (Month Total: No Change)
2/04/03....161.....-136......17 MONTH (Month Total: 2)
3/04/03....160.....-137......18 MONTH (Month Total: 1)
11/04/03....173..............26 MONTH
11/18/03....170
1/13/04....171
June 2001
I've struggled with my weight my whole life. I'm a 46-year-old woman, 5'10" at 278 lbs. By the time I was 18-years-old I weighed 285 lbs. At age 19, I went on a severely restrictive diet and lost 130 lbs.
I fought the battle of the bulge successfully for over 20 years. I kept my weight off for years by dieting constantly--even through three pregnancies I was able to control my weight by jogging six miles a day, three or four days a week, starving myself and never feeling like I had enough to eat. My weight yoyoed up and down 20 pounds for 20 years. But after bone spurs, bunions which need to be surgically corrected, arthritis in my knee, and finally a partial hysterectomy five years ago, my weight began to balloon out of control. Six years ago, I looked great, wore a size 10 pants, now I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. I have been depressed because I have gotten so heavy. I had basically lost all hope of ever losing the weight again until I heard about Carnie Wilson's much publicized weight loss surgery. I watched her carefully and kept track of her progress. Her success gave me renewed hope in losing the weight permanently. That's the magic word: "Permanently."
July 2001
Over the years I have tried every diet there is--high protein, vegetarian, raw foods, low protein, phen-fen, Meridia, Weight Watchers, etc., but nothing I did was able to stem the tide of the weight gain. I decided weight loss surgery was my last hope. This is what I needed, but unfortunately--no insurance. As a divorced mom with three teenagers, self-pay was out of the question. I began to prepare for the event that I could have this surgery one day. I finally was able to get good insurance (United Healthcare) through a God-given job which covers WLS without having to go through the appeals process. I began researching and I finally got up the nerve to find a surgeon in Boise who does bariatric surgery. (That was difficult to say the least, but I did find one.) I worked up the courage to make my first consult appointment and now here I am, scheduled for surgery and excited about my future--a future free of obesity, free of the fear of eating, free of the guilt I would feel every time I ate something "not on my diet," free from the fear of rejection every time I walk out in public, Free! God is my deliverer and my redeemer. When I lose this excess weight, it will be for the glory of God. I recognize this as His gift to me.
August 1, 2001
When I first scheduled surgery with Dr. Oakley, I was going for the Lap RNY (Laparascopic Roux En Y). He's the only surgeon in the state of Idaho who does the RNY laparascopically. But I've been researching the surgery and found there were other bariatric surgery procedures. I discovered the procedure called the BPD/DS (Bilioprancreatic Diversion with Duodenal Switch). The more I read, researched and conversed with other DS patients, the more I wanted this for myself. So I contacted Dr. Oakley and asked him if he could do the DS for me instead of the RNY. He told me that, yes, he has done the DS, but never for the purpose of weight loss. He had done this for stomach cancer patients and other reasons. He also told me that he only does it "open," which means a big long abdominal scar with increased recovery time (bummer). But I knew by this time after all my research that even if I had to go "open," it was worth it. This was the only surgery I would agree to.
I think Dr. Oakley was taken aback at first, but after talking with me, he understood that I was well informed of the procedure and agreed to do it for me. At first, I was nervous about his qualifications to perform this surgery since he hadn't done it for weight loss. But after going in for my pre-op appointment, I was greatly relieved. He was very enthusiastic about my upcoming surgery and told me I had made a very good choice. He believes the duodenal switch is as much a "gold standard" for bariatric surgery as the RNY is. It is only less used because it is less well known.
So my word of advice to anyone reading this who is considering WLS, PLEASE do your research. Find the procedure which is best for you. Below are some links you may want to investigate if you want to know more about the BPD/DS.
www.duodenalswitch.com
www.myWLS.com
groups.yahoo.com/group/duodenalswitch>
8/4/01
I'm one month pre-op for a duodenal switch. I'm concentrating on visualizing my life one year post-op instead of worrying about the surgery. I find that as long as I take every day as it comes and just work on doing the day's business to the best of my ability, I can conquer the fear that would like to strangle me. Jesus told us to "take no thought for tomorrow for tomorrow will take care of itself," so that's what I'm doing. I believe God has brought me this far. He has a plan for my life and that plan is not finished yet, so I will be fine during surgery and will come through it for the glory of God because this surgery is His gift to me. I'm going to be a witness to others suffering from obesity and comorbidities. God wants us all healed from this deadly epidemic.
8/11/01
I went to my first support group today--all patients of Dr. Oakley except one. The others are all having or have had the RNY. Other DS patients have gone out-of-state for their DS surgery. I can't afford to go out-of-state for this procedure but I'm blessed to have found somebody in town who can do this for me. My doctor and God will have my life in their hands. My trust is in God and I will not entertain fear. I need the support of those dear sisters who were at the support group today. They all trust Dr. Oakley and I do too.
I don't know why, but I'm feeling weepy today. I just need to turn it all over to God. He is my provider, my strength, and my deliverer. I think there is danger in reading and hearing too much negativity about this surgery. It can hinder one's faith. I'll not let it.
8/22/01
I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. Oakley today. I was shocked when I got on the scales and had gained another 10 pounds since I first saw him in May. I now weigh 288 lbs. *Sigh* I just can't do this anymore. Thank God my surgery is soon. Without it I would just keep gaining and gaining. It's so distressing to think about. I haven't been bingeing or eating out like people tend to do when they are pre-op. It just reinforces to me that my body has a very efficient calorie absorption system. But soon that will change--less than two weeks from now I'll be a post-op. My BPD/DS will force my body to release many calories without storing them. This means FREEDOM!!!! Freedom from the fear of weight gain, no more dieting. I'll still be able to choose from a wide variety of foods, I can drink with meals if I want and I'll never "dump." A few months from now my life-long weight problem will be history and I'll never have to suffer the humiliation and embarrassment of obesity ever again. This is truly a gift from my Lord and Savior. I am feeling better and better about my upcoming surgery. The fear has largely been erased since I talked to my doctor today. I am ready for this. I am SO VERY READY.
8/27/01
Well......you'd think for somebody who is SO READY for this, I wouldn't be forgetting my pre-op appointments. Twice now I've messed up and forgotten my appointment for an upper GI. You aren't supposed to eat or drink anything the morning of. Well, I'm a creature of habit, and the minute my feet hit the floor in the morning, it's coffee and breakfast with my morning newspaper. It didn't even occur to me that I had an appointment and wasn't supposed to have anything by mouth. So now I've rescheduled for the THIRD time! And this time I put a big sign on my bedroom door "DO NOT EAT OR DRINK ANYTHING! APPT. at 10:30 a.m. I think that should do it--unless I stumble out of bed half-asleep and walk out of my room without turning on the light. Oh, what am I going to do! I think I'll put the sign in several places--my refrigerator, my kitchen sink, my bathroom mirror. I think that will probably do it. (LOL)
8/28/01
I finally had my upper GI. OMG! That was terrible stuff. I went in to the outpatient area at the hospital. I was told to change into a gown and then go the waiting area. Well, the first gown I tried on was too small, so I asked for a bigger one and the tech gave me one that was so huge I had to wrap it around me twice. Then I walked down the hall in front of the whole world (it seemed) with nothing on but this huge gown. The waiting area was full of people who were fully clothed. I was the only one who had nothing on but a gown. To make matters worse, I had to sit there for almost a half hour before the X-ray tech came to get me. I was so embarrassed. I felt like everybody in the waiting room had their eyes glued on me as I walked out with all dignity gone at this point.
When I got to the X-ray room, the doctor was busy with someone else so I had to sit in this little room with two technicians who were half my age and had absolutely nothing to talk about. This went on for another agonizing 10 minutes when finally the doctor entered. Then came the fun part--I was told to drink this fizzy alkaseltzer stuff real fast and "do not burp". How do you not burp when you drink a swig of carbonated yuck? Then I was immediately given this thick white barium sludge that I had to chug down quickly. The last gulp, I gagged--couldn't help it. It almost came back up, but I kept it down (for the time being.) The first two liquids I drank while standing in front of the X-ray machine on a platform. Then they turned the machine horizontal with me on it and put a straw in the third bottle of liquid which was much thinner than the previous one and told me to "drink, drink, drink, keep going, drink...". Well, on the 4th or 5th gulp, my stomach clenched and rebelled. Up it came--first the thin liquid, then the thick stuff right behind it. Luckily, there was a barf pan close by. They tried to get me to drink some more and I said I couldn't. It would not stay down. They cajolled me a little longer, but realized I wasn't going to cooperate, so they let it go. Thank GOD! I finally was told they were all done and could leave. My stomach felt like I had a big stone inside it. I was told to drink lots of liquids, but at that point, I couldn't even stand the thought of drinking another drop of anything. It took 2 or 3 hours before my stomach settled down.
One of my AMOS friends said she had her upper GI done last week and for me to be prepared to poop a white clay-like substance for 2 or 3 days. Oh Joy! Something else to look forward to. Well, my surgery is one week from today. I'm going to the hospital again on Monday (Labor Day) for more pre-op blood work and tests and pre-admission, then Tuesday morning I report at 6:30 A.M. My surgery is at 7:45 A.M.
September 2, 2001
This is the last day before my clear liquids diet day. Tomorrow, Labor Day, I will not be eating anything in order to clear out my bowels in time for the surgery. It's getting down to the wire. Now I really have to start thinking about this and it's not pleasant. I went out and bought myself a "do-it-yourself-WILL" kit just in case the worst happens. Not pleasant! Tomorrow I also have to go in for my pre-op tests and hospital pre-admission paperwork. I'll also have to pack my overnight bag. It's hard not to think about "it" when you actually have to make preparations.
This surgery is going to be very painful at first since I'm having the open BPD/DS. Originally, I was scheduled to have the Laparascopic RNY, which would have been a much quicker recovery. But after finding out about the Duodenal Switch, I changed my mind about my procedure even though I now have to be cut wide open and will have a scar for the rest of my life. Big deal, I have a huge scar on my right hip where I had a bone tumor removed as a child, and a six inch scar on my left knee where I had a piece of my chipped knee cap removed. So what's one extra scar.
But as far as having the duodenal switch, I decided on it because of the quality of life afterward. Following are several reasons I chose the DS:
1) I don't want to experience the dumping syndrome which is what happens when one eats sugar or fat after the Roux En Y (RNY) procedure. "Dumping" is the severe nausea, shakiness, weakness, and clammy feeling one gets after consuming sugar or fat. The reason this happens is because the new artificial opening in the stomach called a "stoma" is always open. This allows sugar and fat to immediately leave the stomach and enter the intestines which then hits the blood stream too quickly, thereby causing the sick feeling or "dumping." With the DS I won't lose my pyloric valve (the sphincter between the stomach and duodenum [upper intestine] which regulates the emptying of the stomach contents). I will still have my functional stomach, although greatly reduced in size, and this pyloric valve will prevent the dumping syndrome. This will allow me to eat a wide variety of foods without fear of getting sick.
2) Also, a difference between the RNY and DS is the greater amount of intestines which are bypassed with the DS procedure. This will have a greater malabsorption factor which I favor. Many of the calories I consume will not be absorbed and thus will pass through undigested. Yea! Just what my snail pace metabolism needs! The drawback is that I will also not absorb as many nutrients from my food, which means I'll have to take vitamins for the rest of my life and have yearly blood tests. But my research has shown me that previous long-term DS patients are healthy and have lost most, if not all, excess weight, and have absolutely NO difficulty maintaining weight loss because of the malabsorptive factor of this miracle procedure.
3.) I also tend to eat mostly vegetarian meals. I would have to give up this type of diet with the RNY as the RNY pouch has difficulty digesting some high fiber foods. Not the case with the DS. With both procedures one must be careful to consume at least 60 grams of protein daily, but after a year as my new stomach stretches out some which is normal and expected, I'll be able to eat anything I want--just in much smaller portions.
One may ask: Why does she have to go to such an extreme to lose weight? Why can't she just diet, eat less, exercise. Well, as I have stated already--been there, done that! All my life! Dieting and calorie restriction has only brought me to this point where I now cannot burn the calories I consume, even though I regularly consume only 1500 calories a day. I'm an expert on dieting, exercise and nutrition. I've studied it and participated in it for 25 years.
One day very early this year I went to my PCP, Dr. Drost, whom I've known all my life. He has treated 4 generations of my family. He's fatherly and a very good doctor. I started crying about how nothing I do anymore seems to work as far as losing weight. He just said, "Brenda, I'm gonna tell you something. You can change your levis, but you can't change your genes!" He went on to tell me that I had a genetic predisposition to being obese and that there was nothing I could do to change that fact. Obesity is a disease, not a lack of will power, not a weakness in character, not a moral flaw, but a genetic predisposition. I was successful in fighting it for over 20 years, but I eventually lost the battle as I turned 40 and age, helped along by a hysterectomy and a sedentary desk job began to play a larger role.
After gaining so much weight in the last 5 years, I realize how enormously this disease impacts one's life. From the way people treat you because of your size and the way it hurts your career to the toll it takes on your physical body, your emotions, your spirit. It's devastating and it's not God's plan for ME!! He wants me to be healthy and strong in every area of my life--physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. He wants me to be successful in my career and my relationships. That's His plan and His will for my life. I know this because I know HIM. What a joy it is to know that I'm not alone in my journey.
Sept. 3, 2001
Ok, this is it! This is my last post before I go to "the lighter side." I've been on clear liquids all day and I am so hungry I could eat a doorknob! But I am sure that what I'm feeling right now is nothing compared to what I'll be feeling when I wake up post-op tomorrow. I am, of course, nervous but I remind myself of the goodness of God and His loving kindness toward me. My life is in His hands and I trust Him completely. Tomorrow I report to the hospital at 6:15 a.m. My surgery is at 7:45 a.m. That's less than 12 hours from now.
I am comforted by this scripture: "God has not given me the spirit of fear, but that of power and of love and of a sound mind."(2Tim. 1:7) I'll post again as soon as I am able.
Sept. 14, 2001
I'm home now--haven't weighed myself yet. I want to wait until I go in to have my staples taken out on Monday (3 days from now).
So, you want to hear about my hospital experience? Well, here's a brief rundown of what happened.
I checked in at 6:15a.m. Sept. 4. First thing they did was put me on their scales and I weighed 297 lbs!!! That was 9 pounds more than I weighed just a few days ago in the doctor's office. I think my surgeons scales are off. Anyway, I was taken to pre-op and given a gown to change into. Then an IV was started in a vein in my arm where the anesthesia would be administered. A nurse had to cut my ring off because I was not able to remove it. Then my mom was allowed to come in to be with me for a few minutes before they wheeled me off to surgery. I remember someone putting a mask over my mouth and nose and asking me to breathe deeply. Fade to black...
My next memory was waking up in recovery in serious pain. I remember not being able to speak in a complete sentence, so I just gasped, "pa-a-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-n-n-n-n-n-n...." Later I vaguely remember being wheeled into my room where I was put in my bed. Every time they moved me, my stomach muscles would go into spasms--pain like I never felt before. The spasms would happen any time I was moved and it would take my breath away. Fortunately, my doctor gave me Toradol beginning the evening of surgery to counteract this.
The next day my catheter was removed and I was made to get up and walk the halls. Then more torture--my doc sent me down to radiology to have a "leak test." I was made to sit in a wheelchair and wheeled down to radiology where I had to wait to be squeezed in for the test. I had to stand on the platform in front of the X-ray machine and take three sips of barium. Thank God I didn't have to drink a whole bottle. The radiology doctor looked at the results and exclaimed, "What in the world did he do to you?" Evidently, he had never seen a duodenal switch patient's insides before.
I was then placed back in my wheelchair where I was taken back up to my room. Problem was--the elevators were doing a bang up business. Other patients were also being transported as were hospital personnel. I was in so much pain by this time, I thought I was going to pass out. I remember the radiology tech who was trying to get me back to my room complaining about the long wait at the elevators. We finally got an elevator and some self-important doctor just walked up, grabbed it for his patient, pushing us aside and told us to catch the next one. Well, that didn't go over well. My tech fumed and I suffered. The next 3 or 4 elevators were all full. "My God," I thought. "I'm going to die before I get back in my bed!" Finally, an elevator--relief. We had six floors to go. Would you believe the elevator stopped on EVERY stinking floor with someone wanting to get on. My tech (bless his heart) by this time had lost all patience and stood in front of the open elevator doors, preventing them from entering and telling them to grab the next elevator. He then unceremoniously shut the elevator door in their face.
My poor tech could see I was in great distress. I must have had sweat popping out all over--maybe I was white as a sheet, I don't know, but he knew he had to get me back to bed. And he did, apologizing profusely the whole time. From beginning of trip to end I must have been up a total of 45 minutes--much too long for someone who had just had major abdominal surgery the day before. Instead of using the wheelchair, I should have been wheeled down on a gurney (my own two cents worth).
I was released from the hospital 5 days after surgery and I have been home almost a week. I'm currently on the "full liquids" diet but am having trouble with it. Can't keep much down--have to take microscopic bites of yogurt or pudding, etc., but it sometimes wants to come back up. Definitely not getting enough water either. I'm trying, but can only drink about 20 oz. a day. Any more than that and I vomit it back up. I hope it's just because my new tummy is healing and may be still swollen. Hopefully, this will end soon. Also not experiencing any hunger pangs--NICE!
I'm feeling pretty good but I'm getting very tired of sleeping in my recliner. I want so much to just burrow into my own bed and sleep on my side.
9/17/01
I had my first post-op doctor's visit today. Staples were removed finally! And I'm down 18 pounds. Yea! Still not able to eat as much as doc thinks I should so I have to go back in a couple of weeks.
9/27/01
I'm eating solid food now, but it's still a learning experience. I've thrown up every day and I have to surmise that it's because I'm just trying to eat too fast or not stopping when I feel that first sense of fullness. I've been doing better today. I now recognize that full feeling. It actually isn't so much a full feeling as a feeling of pressure in my lower esophogus. If I take another bite after I feel that, I'll throw up every time. So I stop and wait about 10 minutes until that feeling subsides, then I can eat another couple of bites. I have to stop several times and wait so by the time I get done eating one poached egg, for example, it's stone cold. It takes me about 20 minutes to eat one egg.
Last night I had a piece of grilled salmon. Boy, did it taste good. Tonight I had a tiny slice of pizza, so you can see I'm doing pretty well food-wise for just being 3 weeks post-op.
I can't even begin to gag down the protein drinks. I just can't do it!
I'm starting to get my energy back. I haven't had to take a nap for 3 days now, although my tummy is still very tender and I don't do much--don't feel like it yet.
Oct. 1, 2001
I just got back from my 4 week check up with the doc. I have only lost 21 pounds. Sheesh! I lost 18 of those pounds in the first 2 weeks. That means I've only lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks. I am kind of disappointed, but I have to look at the big picture. When have I ever lost 21 pounds in 1 month before? Never. I know I'm still in ketosis as I use test strips almost every morning. Yesterday, my ketone levels were moderate. Today it's a trace. That means I'm still burning fat and protein. I know my calorie intake per day can't be more than 500 - 600 calories. It's unbelievable that I only lost 3 pounds in 2 weeks. But look at my inches lost since surgery. The first 2 weeks I lost a total of 10 inches in the bust, ribcage, waist, hips and thighs and total weight loss was 18 pounds. This second 2-weeks I lost 6-1/2 more inches with only a 3 pound weight loss. That shows I'm losing something. I guess this is my first dreaded plateau!
10/15/01
6 Weeks Post-op:
Woohoo! I lost six pounds this week for a total of 31 pounds lost. My clothes definitely fit me better. I guess they were getting tight before surgery. Funny how we try to ignore things like that. One big milestone is that I can now wear my fall jacket with all the buttons snapped. I haven't been able to do that for a couple years now. I had to freeze my tail off every winter because my hips were too big to button my jacket. I'm hoping that in another couple months when it's time for my heavy leather winter coat I'll be able to close that one, too.
What a blessing this surgery has been to me so far! I get teary-eyed thinking how I'll never see this weight again. It's truly gone forever. Oh, and I almost forgot--I am able to wear a blouse that buttons down the front that I couldn't even begin to get buttoned before.
I don't think people have noticed the weight loss yet, but they sure have started commenting on how nice I look. I guess they just haven't put the two together yet.
I'm finally feeling really good. I'm able to eat just about anything now without repercussions.
10/22/01
7 Weeks Post-op:
I lost 5 more pounds this week for a total of 36 pounds lost. I'm now down to 261. I tried on a pair of size 20 dress pants I couldn't wear before. They fit! My closet is full of clothes that were and are too little for me. Thank goodness I've got clothes to wear as I lose the weight. As I shrink out of my old clothes, they are being cleaned out of my closet forever. It's so liberating to get rid of them.
10/30/01
8 weeks post-op:
Thank the Lord, it's still coming off--another 3 pounds this week. I'm now at 258 for a total loss of 39 pounds. I'm beginning to see it more and more in my clothes. I lost 4-1/2 inches this week, too. Finally, it's starting to come off in my hips. All I can do is thank my dear Heavenly Father for His abundant goodness toward me. This WLS has really been a blessing in my life and I give all the praise, glory and honor to Him. I'm beginning to feel less conspicuous in public and at work. I don't spend all day long being embarrassed at how I look. Well--I still feel embarrassed a little, but I'm beginning to feel a little bit of joy in conquering this enemy called "fat."
No one who has not suffered the label of being MO could possibly understand how awful I was feeling about myself before surgery. Before surgery I avoided looking at myself in a mirror below the neck. I even hated looking at my own face; having to put makeup on was a daily reminder of how ugly I had become. I daily castigated myself for my failure to lose weight and felt such humiliation and sadness over the loss of my beauty in the last 6 years. I felt that I was an embarrassment to my children when they would have friends over. But thank God, I feel my spirit being healed as the weight dissolves.
I now have hope that one day soon I'll be able to resume my ministry. I am an ordained minister and used to be very involved in the music ministry. I used to sing solos, lead worship, play guitar, teach and preach at my local church, but I haven't done this for 15 years since my husband and I divorced. After the divorce, I was busy with three small children and just trying to survive. I had no time for any ministry but that of ministering to my three babies, but now my kids are almost all grown. I feel God is getting ready to do something with me again--that He hasn't discarded me as a vessel for His purposes. I'm reminded that "the gifts and callings of God are without repentance." That means that once called to the work of the ministry--always called.
I don't know what the Lord would have me do yet, but I am getting myself ready to be available for whatever He wants. The best thing I can do to be ready is to finish getting all this weight off so that I don't bring reproach to the name of Christ. A minister of God should have control of every area of her life, including her weight. I'm on my way! PTL!
November 4, 2001
2 Months Post-op
Wow! This surgery really is working! I'm now down 43 pounds in just 2 months. I'm at 254 pounds--only 5 more pounds and I'll meet my first goal of getting below 250 pounds.
I'm getting rid of clothes every week that are too big. I'm just so surprised that this surgery is actually working. I don't feel deprived--I can eat whatever I want. Thank God for the duodenal switch. I am off of diets FOREVER!!! I can eat anything--high fat foods, sugar, starch, anything. No dumping. No nausea. I'm so grateful to the Lord for finally delivering me from the bondage of food, fear and obsessive dieting. I'm finally free! I don't go through each day feeling hungry, thinking about food, feeling guilty when I eat. I can eat normal small portions and I'm satisfied for hours. I'm so blessed.
11/13/01
10 Weeks Post-op: I only lost 1 pound this week. I know it's just a plateau, but it's still depressing. I'm not having a very good week. In fact, this whole month has just been awful. The past 2 mornings in a row I've tried to eat one boiled egg. Both times I've tossed my cookies within minutes of eating. I never had any problems with boiled eggs before. How come now all of a sudden? What's up with that?
I'm a little blue, I guess. Not just because of little or no weightloss this week, but I'm getting ready to move at the end of the month and things at work have been very stressful. I try hard to keep everything out of this journal except weight loss issues, but sometimes personal and career problems enter into the equation of WLS and the journey toward becoming healthy and slim again.
I'm buying a house and I'm scared spitless. The mortgage is going to be $300 a month more than what I'm used to paying. I'm also very worried about hurting my incision and causing a hernia. I've been packing as of last weekend and I have to hoist full boxes around. It's only been a little over 2 months since surgery and the last thing I want is a hernia. Please God, protect me from getting injured in this move. Give me wisdom in knowing how to lift and what not to lift.
Things are not going so well at work and I'm experiencing a lot of grieving and sleepless nights, too. I've started taking melatonin to try and help with the stress and lack of sleep. I wake up at 3 a.m. almost every morning and lay in bed crying and praying to get through each day. The melatonin is helping, I think. I'm starting to get a little more sleep and I'm feeling better during the day--not such a zombie. I know, "this, too, shall pass." It's hard though when you're going right through the middle of it. You wonder if you'll ever be able to laugh and be happy again.
Perhaps stress is causing my weight loss to slow down. I have had stress do that to me before. In the past, severe stress has caused me to gain weight--not because I over-ate, on the contrary, I didn't overeat. But I've read that stress causes one's body to go into "fight or flight" syndrome. Stress harmones are released which can in turn cause the body to shut down calorie burning, hang on to every calorie and store body fat in what it perceives as a time of danger.
I've just got to deal with the stress I'm experiencing right now. I know I need to start getting some regular exercise, but when you're in the pits of despair, the last thing you want to do is go out and exercise. But the fact remains--exercise is a great stress reducer so I just have to kick my own butt and get out there.
And I know, as a Christian, it's considered a sin to worry. The Bible says to "cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you." I keep giving it to God, but then, like an idiot, I pick it all up again. It's my own stupid fault. I have got to learn to control my thought life. God's word also says we are to control what we think about. "...whatsoever things are true...honest...just...pure...lovely...of good report...think on these things." (Phil. 4:8)
Nov. 20, 2001
11 Weeks Post-op: I weighed in this morning at 249 lbs. for a total loss of 48 pounds. I lost 5 pounds this week and I finally got below 250 pounds. That was a wonderful thing to see. Last week I was worried about only losing one pound, but it was just another plateau. I only have 2 more pounds to go until I reach my next goal of losing 50 pounds. I hope to pass this goal by 3 months post-op. My third goal is to get below 200 pounds. My fourth and final goal is to reach 155 pounds.
I'm still going through a lot of stress--getting ready to move and still dealing with the loss of a friendship at work. I don't know why this has hit me so hard. This woman was my friend. I love her, but there's nothing I can do to repair our relationship. I've just had to give this to God. I still pray about it, but I'm starting to get past the terrible anxiety I was feeling. I'm now able to sleep most nights.
God is so good. He's healing my body of this terrible curse called morbid obesity and He will heal my heart, too. Amen.
11/23/01
Day after Thanksgiving: Wow! I just had the most wonderful Thanksgiving. It was my first holiday meal since my surgery on Sept. 4. I was able to eat a small meal including a small piece of pie a couple hours later without getting overly stuffed. But the most exciting part was that I felt NO FEAR about what I ate or how much I ate and absolutely no guilt either. Because of the DS, I knew I could have whatever I wanted and just enjoy the day being with my family and friends. It was one of the most liberating days I've ever experienced.
Why? Because before my surgery I couldn't eat hardly anything without gaining weight. As stated earlier in this journal, after dieting for 20+ years, my metabolism was at an all time low. I regularly consumed only 1500 calories daily and still gained weight. But now that I've been switched, I have been given a new lease on life and my metabolism has been revved up through the malabsorption factor of the surgery. PTL!
So far at 11-1/2 weeks post-op I've lost almost 50 pounds and it continues dropping off every week. Each time I get on the scales I'm amazed it just keeps coming off, and I don't feel deprived. The only negative thoughts I keep fighting are that "I'm the only one this won't work for" or when I plateau, I think "that's it--it's over--that's all I'm gonna lose." But it is working!
I'm just ecstatic this morning and just had to share my joy of being free from the fear of food and gaining weight for the first time in my adult life.
I hope so much that anyone who is reading this who is post-op can experience this freedom and if you are pre-op--that you have something like this to look forward to.
Nov. 27, 2001
12-week update: I'm down another 3 pounds this week. I now weigh 246 lbs. for a total loss of 51 pounds. You know that leather coat I talked about earlier--the one I couldn't zip up for the last two winters? Well, this morning I was able to wear it and zip it up without any problem! I continue to be amazed at how the weight just keeps dropping off--especially this week since it was Thanksgiving and I ate more than usual.
I'm very happy with what's happening to me physically, but emotionally I'm very anxious. This next week is going to be very difficult. I just bought a new home and I'm moving this weekend. As a single mom I'm feeling vulnerable, a little scared and overwhelmed with the responsibilities this entails. This has been a very stressful autumn.
Dec. 4, 2001
3-Month Update: Wow! Lots has happened this week. First off, drum roll, please.....I lost 5.5 pounds this week for a total loss now of 56.5 pounds. I now weigh 240.5. I didn't feel like I had lost anything this week because my clothes don't feel any different and I only lost 1/2 of an inch. So I was steeling myself for a disappointing weigh-in--figured I was on a plateau, but amazingly--a big loss this week.
I guess I should have known I would lose weight this week because I've been working my butt off moving. I am so stiff and sore and I have so much work to do yet. The Lord blessed me with a beautiful new home.
But the most exciting thing about today is that my BMI is now 34.4. That means I'm no longer considered "obese," but rather just "very overweight." Woohoo!!!!
12/11/01
14-week update: It's still happening. I weighed in this morning at 237 pounds--another 3.5 pound weight loss. I lost 6 inches this week, too--big drop from last week's half inch. I've been waiting for my stupid hips to measure less than 50 inches. This week, my hips measured 49". Prior to surgery, my hips were at a whopping 59". One more inch and I would have been at the end of the measuring tape--dear Lord! I've now lost a grand total of 60 pounds.
My life has been a whirlwind the past 2 weeks. I moved into a new house and all last week I have been fixing up , painting and cleaning my old house getting it ready as a rental. That's probably why I've had such a dramatic weight loss the last 2 weeks. I've literally been working my butt off by burning lots of calories in physical labor. This week because of the inches I lost, I was able to fit into size 16 pants. I haven't been able to wear size 16's for almost 3 years. Just prior to surgery 3 months ago, I was wearing a size 26-28! The reason I can wear size 16 at 237 pounds is because I'm so tall. I'm 5'10" and often have a difficult time finding pants long enough for me.
I just had to share one special blessing this week even though it's not WLS related. My 16-year-old daughter was riding with her girlfriend two days ago. They were traveling about 60 mph when her friend lost control of the car. It began to fish-tail and spin crazily, then slid off the road and rolled. When the car came to a stop, they were hanging upside down from their seatbelts. The car was totaled. The girls crawled out of the car completely unhurt--not a scratch, not a bruise. That, my friends, is called the divine protection of God. They could have hit the overpass as they were traveling under it, or been hit by an oncoming car, truck, semi, whatever. Miraculously, these scenarios did not play out, and I believe it's because I suddenly had the urge to pray just prior to the time of the accident. I prayed hard for about 30 minutes, then the urge was gone. I believe God led me into intercessory prayer. My baby girl was delivered from evil. PTL!
Let this comfort those of you who are having your surgeries soon. Place your trust in Him and He will deliver you from evil and from the fear that would try to grip you.
December 18, 2001
15-week Update: I can't hardly believe it. I lost another 5 pounds this week. I weighed in this morning at 232 lbs for a total loss of 65 pounds. I only lost one inch this week though--half inch in the waist and a half inch in the hips. But, hey, I'll take what I can get. I'm just so happy with my progress.
Part of the weight loss may have been because I helped my daughter move back home last weekend. I've moved two households in two weeks and rented out my old home to boot. I've expended a lot of energy doing all this, and it has left me no time for Christmas shopping and preparations. I now have one week left before Christmas to do everything that normally takes a month to do. I'll have to forget Christmas cards this year--bummer.
I'm stiff and sore from all the hoisting, lifting, and moving of furniture and boxes. I know I need to keep moving and exercising or my weight loss will slow down. I realized something though. Since I've lost 65 pounds, I no longer come home and just crash on the couch until bed time because of lack of energy. I now have energy to burn and often find myself puttering around and working on stuff after a full day at the office. I feel like I used to before I started gaining all this weight a few years ago. I thought I was tired because I was getting older (mid 40's), but that is not the case. I was exhausted from carrying around an extra 140 pounds. Duh!
I have a closet full of clothes from size 10 to size 26-28 so I have not had to buy any new clothes yet. What a blessing that is! I just keep finding clothes that I had forgotten about--try them on and, low and behold, they fit! It is so much fun! What a gift this surgery has been for me. I thank God for giving me my life back and for leading me to Dr. Oakley, a man greatly blessed with compassion and talent. God bless Dr. Oakley.
Oh! I almost forgot--have to share what happened last weekend. I flew on a commercial airplane Saturday and was absolutely thrilled when I was able to sit down with plenty of room for my food tray to come down--had 4 inches to spare! Also, the seatbelt fit with room to spare! The armrests were down and I fit!!! I felt like a "normal" person! PTL!
Dec. 25, 2001
16-week update: It is Christmas day and I have lost another 3 pounds this week. I now weigh 229 pounds, my bmi is 32.9 and my total weight loss is 68 pounds.
My ability to eat and keep food down is getting much better (finally). I am able to eat more, too. I have noticed a definite jump in food intake in the last 2 weeks. I have also noticed a big jump in output (LOL!). This bypass is working like a charm.
I probably will not lose much, if any, weight this week between Christmas and New Years because of all the junk food around. I do not intend to deprive myself either. In fact, right now I am sucking on a piece of candy cane as I type this. I am so thankful I had the DS procedure instead of the RNY. I can have my cake and eat it, too, so to speak. If I'd had the RNY, I would have to stay away from sugar, and that is very hard to do around Christmas. Besides, I'm tired of dieting. I have shied away from sugar and fat for so long. I cannot describe the sense of freedom I feel now that dieting is no longer an issue.
1/1/02
17-Week Update: Well, just as I expected--no weight loss this week. I even gained a couple pounds, but I lost inches--go figure. All the high-fat foods I've been eating this past week have really been doing a number on my bm's. I've had diarhhea for the past week--just a mild case. No cramping or bloating--just lots of pooping (LOL). Sorry for being so graphic. But that only shows me that my surgery is working and the fat is not being absorbed. It just goes through me and I'm very glad of that.
1/5/02
I lost 4 pounds in 3 days. I now weigh 227 lbs. and have lost a total of 70 pounds. I'm officially at the half-way point. I have 70 more pounds to lose to get to goal.
I have a couple of New Years resolutions:
1) To lose all the rest of my excess weight and keep it off.
2) To meet a special man and begin a loving relationship with him. I'm beginning to feel the need for a man in my life. It has taken me several years to heal from my divorce and I never thought I'd ever want to try again. But here I am--experiencing that longing. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm now starting to feel attractive again. Or perhaps it's because my children are growing up and I'm now alone a lot more. My kids now have their own lives in which I'm not included. They work after school and have friends. I'm starting to feel lonely. Maybe this is what spurs me to want a relationship.
3) To be happy in my career, and if it's not God's will for me to be where I'm at, then to have the courage to make the necessary changes, because right now my career stinks. I'm very unhappy because I had to give up a position I dearly loved due to principle. I also lost a friend and a working relationship with her because I made this stand. I don't regret my decision, but I regret the losses I've suffered because of it. The grieving has been continual and unrelenting. I am in deep emotional pain and it has been spiritually destructive, too. I can't see myself staying in a situation where I'm so desperately sad all the time.
This is a lesson learned: Doing the right thing does not always bring rewards. It can, and often does, bring loss and pain.
Too bad I can't have everything go right in my life at the same time. While I was a pre-op, my job was fulfilling and enjoyable, but I was very unhappy with my obesity and all the problems that go along with it. When I was only 6 weeks post-op, satan came in like a flood and destroyed everything I had worked so hard for. Now that I'm no longer obese, my career is in the toilet. I know everything has happened for a reason and God will work all things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28) But I am just impatient to find out why. I want God to tell me NOW! Patience is not one of my virtues.
1/13/02
Down another 5 pounds and 5-1/2 inches. I weighed in at 222 lbs. this morning. It boggles my mind! I totally did not expect this. How does it keep falling off of me when I don't feel deprived? This has been the most painless weight loss I've ever experienced (outside of surgery and initial recovery time). I was getting nervous this week because I'm able to eat so much more than I used to. I can eat an entire T.V. dinner (Banquet brand) which is about 9 oz. and around 350 - 400 calories. Now I'm starting to get nervous that I'm losing too fast and it won't stop--you know, like the move "Thinner."
I'm starting to feel beautiful again. God has really blessed me.
January 27, 2002
Wow! Down another 4.5 pounds. I now weigh 216.5 pounds and have lost a total of 80.5 pounds. I'm so happy with my surgery. I'm finally starting to believe this is for real and it's working for me! Praise God!
Feb. 10, 2002
Another milestone--I bought two pair of pants yesterday--Size 14's. Whoa! Can't hardly believe I'm in 14's. It's only been 5 months since I was wearing size 28's.
I weighed in this morning at 213.5. I think I'm on a plateau because weight loss has slowed down the last couple of weeks. I only lost 1 pound last week and another 2 pounds this week. That 200# mark on my scale seems to be getting harder to get to. Guess I'm getting spoiled since I was losing 3 - 5 pounds a week for so long. I know I could jump-start my weight loss again if I'd get out and exercise, but I'm an outdoor type person and I need some milder weather and longer days to do that. I just can't get excited about working out in a gym and spending 50 or 60 dollars a month of my hard-earned money to borrow the facilities a few days a month. I guess I'm just too frugal (cheap). I'd rather spend that money on something I'm eventually going to own.
Feb. 19, 2002
Only 1-1/2 pounds lost this week. I definitely have to do something different. I'm still not able to eat very much at one time, but this week was Valentines Day and, of course, I had to sample the chocolates that were all around me. So, okay--this week I'm getting down to business. I'm going to stay away from sugar and try to fit some exercise into my schedule.
The weight loss was so easy up until now. I guess the honeymoon period is over with and now I have to start working at it again.
2/24/02
Finally! Broke the plateau! I'm down 5 pounds since a week ago today. I now weigh 208.5--so close, yet so far away to that magic 200 pound barrier. I want so much to be below the 200's.
But the BEST thing is that my bmi is now below 30. It's 29.8, which means I'm just "overweight." Woohoo! No longer even "severely" overweight, just overweight.
I had to laugh today because when I saw my neice, she said, "You're all done losing weight now, right?" No, my dear. I'm still 50 pounds away from goal. But, boy, did that make me feel good.
3/4/02
Today is my 6-month anniversary and I lost 3-1/2 more pounds this week. I got on the scale this morning and my jaw dropped. I couldn't hardly believe my eyes because I dropped the entire 3-1/2 pounds just since yesterday. I weighed yesterday morning and saw that I hadn't dropped an ounce since last week. I was pretty bummed yesterday. But now I am so happy! That goes to show just how important it is to stay off those stupid scales until it's actually "weigh-in day." That puts me at 205 lbs--only 5 -1/2 more pounds before I'm below 200 pounds forever. I'll never see the 200's again. Praise God! He's blessed me so much.
I'm still getting lots of comments about my weight loss and I'm still very uncomfortable talking about it with most people. That means I'm still not telling people I had bariatric surgery. I have to lie and tell people I'm eating high-protein and exercising, which is true. But that has always been true. I've always dieted and exercised, but it didn't work for me anymore after I turned 40.
To me it's a very personal decision to have weight loss surgery. I have heard some really unkind comments about other people who had WLS before I did. These judgmental people would never dream of saying anything to the person having WLS. They act supportive to their face, but behind their back--watch out. All these comments coming from slender people who don't have a clue as to what the obese person has suffered physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually. There is no compassion for the obese--just ridicule and criticism. If I sound angry about it, it's because I am. I'm tired of unkind people. I'm tired of the cruelty aimed at those who are suffering and dying because of their genetic make-up.
I truly believe I was genetically predisposed to obesity. It is evident on my mom's side of the family with the women. I also have two daughters, one is slender--the other is overweight. My overweight daughter is 18 now, but her whole life she has eaten small portions--less than most children, and yet she has been overweight since she was six years old. Nobody can tell me she did that to herself. That really ticks me off! I had full control over what she ate when she was a young child. My little girl never over-ate--she still doesn't, but she will always struggle with her weight--maybe one day she will end up having to have this surgery, too. I pray that she doesn't, but she may end up having to.
In the meantime, I am living proof that the duodenal switch really works. I'm healthy, I am very strong and energetic. I haven't lost much hair from the surgery, and I'm becoming physically attractive again. My beauty is emerging from this obesity curse as the fat melts away. Even at 46 years of age, I'm feeling beautiful again.
"I am WOMAN--hear me roar!"
3/10/02
Another plateau--no loss this week.
I'm leaving for Leesburg, Virginia today--will be in management training all week. I'm going to miss logging in every day to see everybody on AMOS. A good thing about the facility I'm going to--they have a very nice gym. I'm taking along some workout clothing so I can get my exercise in every night after class. Hopefully that will kickstart the weight loss again.
3/17/02
I'm back from Leesburg. I love learning--and this was a very productive week. I learned a great deal. But now I have to go back to the boring, repetitive, lonely job I have been doing since my surgery. I despise this job, and I dread going each day, but I truly believe God is going to do a work in my life soon. Maybe He already is. Because of the isolation at my job, I'm spending many hours in prayer and meditation seeking God's will for my life. I also have been fighting the demons of depression, bitterness, anger and resentment. I'm fighting the good fight of faith and I'm winning. I refuse to allow satan the chance to trip me up with unforgiveness. I choose to love the one who seeks to hurt me.
Still no weight loss this week, but I'm not surprised. I sat in a training class for a solid week. The only time I got up and walked was when it was time to go eat. I had 3 squares a day, then went back to my room at night to watch T.V. or read a book. I had great intentions of working out at the fitness center there on site, but class always ran late and I had a lot of homework to do. I didn't even get to go to D.C. with the evening tour bus like I planned. All my life I have wanted to see Washington D.C. But all I ever saw was Dulles Airport and the 30 mile stretch between D.C. and Leesburg. That was kind of a shame. I'll just have to make a special trip there so I can see all the things I want to see.
The trip over and back was more sitting in a commercial airliner for 8 hours each way. I've done absolutely nothing this week but sit-eat-sit-eat. The nice thing about it though is I didn't gain any weight. That would have been unheard of before this surgery. Everybody gains weight when they go to Leesburg, but I didn't.
I worried about food issues but my fears proved to be unfounded. I worried that I would have trouble eating, or that people would notice I wasn't eating much, etc. But I was able to eat normal small portions, although I could never finish my plate. Nobody seemed to notice and I was able to fit right in. I loved every person at that class. They were from all over the U.S. and they were all SO NICE! I really bonded with one lady from Louisville, Kentucky in particular. The men were very accepting of me, too. I worried also that I would be looked down on because I was the only one there who wasn't actually a manager--just training to be one. But everybody was so nice. My company has some great people working for it.
The last day of class I had to get up and give a presentation. Because I've lost 92 pounds, I did not feel self-conscious about my appearance at all. What freedom! What a blessing that was! I was nervous about my lack of experience, but not about my appearance. Nobody would ever know that I was almost 100 pounds heavier 6 months ago. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with the opportunity to become slim and attractive again.
March 21, 2001
I've started dating. I've recently met a couple of men I'd like to get to know better. It's great meeting a guy and not be self-conscious about my overweight body. Now I have the confidence to look a man in the eye and he looks right back at me. In the past month, I have met 4 different men and it feels so good to just relax and be comfortable in my body and not feel self-conscious about being overweight.
3/24/02
WHOO! I finally broke that plateau--longest one I've been on. I lost 3 pounds this week for a grand total of 95 pounds lost. I am at 202 lbs today. So close to that 200 pound goal. Maybe next week I'll get down below 200. That would really make my day. Then only a couple more pounds to go before I join the Century Club (100 pounds lost). Then I'll update my photo. God is so good.
3/31/02
It's Easter morning, the most important and holy day for Christians--the day our Lord rose from the dead. Thank you, Jesus. I'm so thankful you paid the price for my transgressions. Now I can stand--clean before my Lord.
I lost another 2 pounds this week. I weighed exactly 200 pounds this morning--So close! In another few days, and for the rest of my life, my weight will begin with the number 1.
I was just telling a friend that I now realize my "honeymoon period" is over as far as the weight coming off without trying. From now on, I'm going to have to be cognizant of what I need to do and not do in order to maximize the rate of weight loss for this last 40 pounds. Now that the days are getting longer, I can spend more time outside--go for walks and bike rides after work. I started my garden yesterday, too. I love to garden.
4/1/02
I'm living proof that many of us post-ops don't have to spend a fortune on vitamins. Flintstones and Bugs Bunny Vitamins work just dandy for maintaining nutrition--even for a DS patient like myself. Even with the greater malabsorption factor of my surgery, and a common channel of only 100 cm, my blood work came back normal. Woohoo!
The only thing that was a teeny tiny bit below normal was my calcium (1 point below normal) and my iron (1 point below normal) and I know exactly why. Since I'm not able to eat much food before getting full now, I've been cutting out my daily glass of nonfat milk--so I'm going to start making that my daily "nightcap." As for the iron,I'll start taking an iron supplement.
Overall, I feel really healthy. PTL!
4/4/02
7 Month Anniversary: I can't SHOUT this LOUD ENOUGH! TODAY--I WEIGH LESS THAN 200 POUNDS!!! I weighed 198 this morning--198!! One more pound and I will have lost 100 pounds. I'm ecstatic this morning. God is so good.
4/9/02
Another plateau! Rats! No loss this week. Oh well, that's all part of it, I know.
But on a happy note: I met a man who seems to have a lot of potential. I've dated him 3 times so far and I'm liking him better and better each time I spend time with him. I was just thinking back to my life 7 months ago--what a change.
4/14/02
Yes! I did it. Plateau is broken--lost 1 little pound this week, but it was a very important one because it put me into the "Century Club"--100 pounds lost!
I've been very hungry this week. Perhaps it's because I finally started losing again after 2 weeks of nothing. My appetite has increased and I'm surprised at how my ability to eat has improved. I can now eat a normal small meal (slowly) without feeling that horrible pressure in my esophogus. I rarely feel the need to throw up after a meal any more. I was beginning to wonder if I would ever get past that. I think that's why my weight loss has significantly slowed down, too. I'm eating more and I'm keeping it down better. And now for the first time in my life, I know I will never get fat again.
The man I have been seeing is becoming more interesting. I find myself thinking about him--wanting to spend time with him, enjoying his company when we are together. He's very different from the men I've been attracted to in the past. He's no taller than I am and quite slender. I probably outweigh him by 40 pounds.
I got up the nerve to tell him I had weight loss surgery 7 months ago and explained how I had weighed 100 pounds more at that time than I do now. I told him about my weight ballooning out of control after my hysterectomy. It didn't seem to scare him off, but time will tell. We'll see how he feels after it has had time to sink in. Right now he wants to spend time with me. I'm attracted to him for a couple of reasons. First of all, he has a very strong work ethic, which is a very refreshing change (thinking back to my exhusband). Only problem is he seems to be a little too much into his work--a workaholic may not be any easier to live with than a lazy slug is. Second thing I like about him is that he wants to live a rural lifestyle. He has a small cow/calf operation which he has on leased land. He has plans to buy about 50 acres. I would love this lifestyle--have always wanted to live in a small rural area, but have to live in the city in order to survive.
The things that I am cautious about regarding this man is his temper. He seems to be a strong Type A and I'm scared of people with hair-trigger tempers. I had to put up with that with my exhusband and I can't do that again. As I stated earlier, time will tell.
And now for the first time in my life, I know I will never get fat again. As time goes on, I will continue to lose weight and I won't feel like a big fat cow next to my man.
4/28/02
Oh man! I lost 5 pounds this week. It's been a long time since I lost that much in one week. This morning I weigh 189 lbs. Woohoo!
I went to a mountain hot springs yesterday with my boyfriend. Wow, what a nice day we had. I'm so happy with my life right now. Today we're going to the Harley Owners Group (HOG) Spring Picnic. What a great weekend this is turning out to be. Who knew that my life would change so drastically in a half a year!!
5/4/02
Today is my 8-month anniversary since I was switched (via the duodenal switch). I lost 10 pounds this month--still an incredible rate of weight loss. I now weigh 188 pounds. I definitely need to get some new clothes. My size 14 pants are too big. Size 12s--here I come. Just 28 pounds until I reach my surgeon's goal of 160. (My personal goal is 150.) This has just been the most unbelievable year--fantastic changes, my body is returning to the weight I was six years ago. My spirit is being healed from all the emotional pain I was in. My physical body is coming back in line with God's original design plan. The physical pain in my feet, back and knees is gone. The acid reflux has been greatly reduced. I am happy and I know I have been greatly blessed by God.
May 13, 2002
I didn't lose any weight this week. I'm happy with that, though. If I continue to lose as quickly as I did last month, I'll end up looking like a Sharpei puppy. Hopefully, my skin will bounce back and I will be able to accept my body as well sans clothing as I can with it covered.
May 28, 2002
Well, I've been on a plateau for 3 weeks, but I finally lost 1 pound this week--so hopefully this is the beginning of more weight loss to come. I had a 3 week plateau in March--ended up only losing 7 pounds for the month. Then in April, I dropped 10 pounds like a rock and I became somewhat alarmed by the rapid weight loss this late in the game. So I was relieved when the weight loss stopped at the beginning of May, but now I'm becoming impatient again to start losing some more weight.
June 4, 2002
Another slow weight loss month--only 5 pounds this month. I now weigh 183 pounds and my bmi is 26.3. I am so impatient for my bmi to get below 25. I'm so close, but the weight loss has slowed so much, it just makes me crazy. I just calculated my bmi to find out what my weight would have to be in order to be below 25 (normal range), and I only have to lose 10 more pounds to be considered "normal weight." Man! That puts it into perspective!
I found two products this week that have really helped me. First: Activated charcoal tablets. About 3 weeks ago, I began suffering from excessive gas. It was terrible and I tried so many things but nothing seemed to work. I took acidophilus, papaya enzymes, Beano, Gas-X. Nothing would even touch it. Then one of my AMOS sibs here (Darcie Leigh Danlon) posted that she had suffered from terrible gas ever since her surgery 18-months ago. She found out about Activated Charcoal tablets and it cured her gas. Well, it didn't take me longer than 10 seconds to go find a bottle of this stuff. It truly works. Two - four tablets with meals or whenever the gas pains started rolling around in my gut gave me immediate relief, and I do mean Immediate. Thank God.
Second product: Palmer's Cocoa Butter with Vitamin E oil--I found it at Fred Meyers grocery store here in Boise. I bought this product because I read here on AMOS that cocoa butter is good for saggy-baggy skin caused from massive weight loss. Well, I have my share of this yucky sagging skin--mostly on my upper arms and my upper legs and my abdomen. I tried the Palmer's cocoa butter and it seems to help some. I think exercise will probably help more as time goes on.
June 14, 2002
Not much weight change lately. Things seem to have slowed down considerably. I will, however, continue posting weight loss on the chart at the top of this page.
June 25, 2002
I lost 4 pounds this week--finally off that plateau. Now I weigh 179 and my BMI is 25.7. Only a few more pounds to lose before I am considered "normal weight" when my BMI gets below 25. That's only 6 more pounds. *Sigh* Hopefully by this time next month.
Well, I've really been struggling with what to write in this journal because I've been in a personal crisis. Even though it's personal I've decided to record it because it all has something to do with my WLS journey--my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. I've now had some time to reflect and think about things and I've come to the conclusion that he couldn't handle my weight loss surgery and the fact that I used to have a weight problem. For some reason, it also bothered him that I still weigh more than he does. He said it didn't matter, but I know better. I also believe he's afraid I'll get fat again some day. Although that may be a valid fear for anyone having a different surgery than mine, it is not valid in my case. There is no way I'll ever gain the weight back--I had the DS and it's almost impossible to out-eat this surgery. Besides, I had the self-discipline to keep the weight off for 25 years, I still have that same self-discipline. But even without that it would be very difficult for me to gain weight now. It's physiologically impossible because of the change in my anatomy brought about by the surgery.
The reasons he gave for the break-off were so inconsequential and trivial, it was almost laughable, but it still hurt because I really cared for him. From the moment I revealed the truth of my WLS story to him, he began pulling away. This is a painful lesson learned. I found out what kind of man he REALLY was. I look back now and I see the self-centered, self-absorbed, "me-me-me" attitude he displayed. Everything was about him. He's one of the most selfish men I've ever met. And yet I was so blinded, I overlooked this huge obstacle. One of the last things he told me was "I'm just not happy." Well, he won't ever be happy because he never learned the great truth, "for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, [therewith] to be content." (Phil. 4:11) It is God's will that we learn the art of "contentment" even in the midst of lack, disappointment or suffering. I can still exhibit the joy of the Lord even though my heart is broken, and it is God's will that I do that because the joy of the Lord is my strength.
So I guess the reason I share this is because I just want to remind myself that life doesn't stop kicking a person in the teeth just because he/she becomes slim, healthy and is released from the prison of obesity. Painful rejection never goes away. It just comes in different packages through different people.
I was so ready for this relationship. Now, I have to pick myself up, dust off my knees, wipe away the tears and try again. God's grace and His peace are what I rely on every minute of every day.
July 2, 2002
I saw my surgeon yesterday for my quarterly checkup. According to his scales I weigh 175, but I still weigh 179 on my home scales. He said I don't need to lose any more weight and that if I could keep my weight somewhere between 160 and 175, that would be ideal. Imagine that--me being told I don't need to lose any more weight. Of course, I still want to get to 160 and if I can get to 160, I'd like to push for 150. I've never weighed 150 pounds as an adult. The lowest I was ever able to get to in my 20's was 155 and that was unsustainable. I weighed 160 for years in between 3 pregnancies, so I'd really like to get back to it.
On the emotional front I'm still very heartsick--still feeling like I've been kicked in the stomach and I can't get my breath. I know from past experience this isn't going to go away any time soon. All I can do is focus on the needs of others and try to help people. That's what I need to do to fill this void in my life right now--Just focus on others and get my eyes off myself. The Lord is the strength of my life and an ever present help in time of need.
July 3, 2002
Wow! I just got back from buying pants at Walmart. Size 12 Khakis were too big--had to go to a size 10 tall because of my long legs. So I went from a 14 to a 10--totally missed the size 12's. I think I probably wear a 12 in levis, though. I also had to buy some new tops. 12's and size Large were too big and the 10's and Mediums were too small, so I guess I'm size 12 in shirts--have no clue what dress size I wear.
July 23, 2002
I haven't lost any weight since last post--in fact I'm up about 3 pounds (another plateau, I'm sure). I've backed off of the carbohydrates and am getting serious about protein again. Nothing like a small weight gain to scare the "bleep" out of you and get you back on track.
Today I made an appointment with a plastic surgeon for a tummy tuck (abdominoplasty). There is a chance that my insurance will cover it. If the surgeon can get my insurance to pay, I can have this done. If not, I won't have it done. I don't have $6500 laying around. I am afraid to even hope that someday I might have a flat tummy. I've never had a flat tummy as long as I can remember. After being overweight as a teenager, even after the weight came off, I still had that roll in front that just wouldn't go away. Then having three kids didn't help matters any. It would be nice to be able to look down and not see that pooch. It would be a dream come true to see myself in a pair of tight jeans looking really good.
My plastic surgery consult is a month away, so I have lots of time to dream and hope.
8/4/02 - 11-month update
Oh, I'm so bummed! I didn't lose but 1-1/2 pounds this month--longest plateau I've ever been on. My scales say I weigh 176. I can't help but wonder if this is "all she wrote." I've got to go out and join a gym and start using it. I want desperately to lose those last 16 pounds. I really, really do. I now know I'll never have to worry about losing too much weight, which was a fear I had up until this last month.
8/27/02
I went to see my plastic surgeon yesterday. He will submit a request for approval to my insurance company. I think I have a good chance of getting an abdominoplasty covered through my insurance. My surgeon said not to expect an answer from the insurance company for at least a month. So hopefully I'll hear something by the end of September or the first part of October.
The weight is really coming off slowly now. I'm at 175--only 1 pound lost all month. I'm only two-tenths of a point away from having a "normal" bmi. My bmi is 25.1. If I can lose two more pounds, my bmi will be less than 25--NORMAL--yahoo!!! I have one more week before my 1 year anniversary. I hope to have a normal bmi by then. I checked out a gym today here in town that is for females only. I am going to join for six months and see if I can get this last 15 pounds off before my "window of opportunity" closes. Also, if the abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) is approved, then I'll lose another 5 - 10 pounds probably. I might even make it to 150. I have never weighed so little as an adult. I think the last time I weighed 150 pounds, I was 12-years-old.
I had a revelation last week. I suddenly realized that I am now consuming more calories as a post-op than I was when I was a pre-op. I was eating 1200 - 1500 calories a day before my surgery. I recently went to Fitday.com and calculated my current caloric intake. I was amazed that I am now consuming between 1600 - 2000 calories a day and still losing weight. It just became so "real" to me. This surgery really does work. Now for the first time in many years, I am able to eat normal amounts of food and not gain weight. God is so good!
9/4/02 - One Year Anniversary!
A year ago today I had WLS. Today I am 125 pounds lighter, healthier and happier. In one year I went from a size 28 to a size 10. My bmi went from 42.7 to 24.7. I now have a normal bmi and I'm 12 pounds away from my personal goal. My surgeon says I don't need to lose anymore, but I will continue working at losing that weight. Today I weigh 172. My goal weight is 160. If I'm able to get a tummy tuck approved by insurance, I think I'll make goal easily.
On a personal note--I'm still working on finding that special guy. Seems that when they find out I've had WLS, they suddenly lose interest. This has happened to me twice already. Oh well, at least I am finding out early that they are just another "Shallow Hal." But it would be nice to find someone who can see past that. I am not giving up. He's out there somewhere.
Oct.1, 2001
Went in for my 1-year checkup with my surgeon, Dr. Oakley, today. No weight loss this month--still at 172, but he was thrilled that my weight loss has slowed so drastically. He again said I don't need to lose any more weight but said I will probably lose the last 10 pounds I want to lose very slowly over the course of the next year. I told him I'm waiting for insurance approval on an abdominoplasty (tummy tuck) and he said I would almost definitely meet my personal weight loss goal if I have that done.
I've been trying very hard this month to lose those last few pounds, but, gosh, they are just not wanting to go away. I joined a gym last month and have been working out 5 days a week for a month. I do step aerobics Monday, Wednesday, Friday and alternate with weight lifting on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Weekends I try to do yard work or something else physical. Nary a pound has come off. I have noticed a slight reduction in my waist and hips measurements, but it's not registering on the scales. I'm just going to keep on keeping on. Overall, I feel so good--healthy, energetic, a strong sense of wellness. PTL!
10/20/02
The scale finally moved again (in the right direction, anyway). I weighed 171 this morning, and I was pretty excited about it since I've been on a 6-week plateau--figured I might be done losing for sure this time. I've been working very hard at the gym to lose a few more pounds and I'm beginning to see some big changes in my physique. My arms are firming up and gaining muscle definition. My stomach is also becoming more toned. I've lost inches everywhere but my upper thighs, which were too thin. I've actually put on an inch of muscle on each thigh. That's really good because it reduces the amount of hanging skin I have there.
Still waiting to hear on the Tummy Tuck approval from insurance. They are dragging their feet, I think. Oh well, I'll just try to be patient. What other choice do I have?
10/28/02
Another 5 pounds gone in one week! That plateau really has broken! Today I weigh 166. WAH! HOOOOO! Only six pounds from goal, and I haven't even had my tummy tuck yet.
11/4/02
14-months Post-op: Down another pound this week to 165 lbs. Still haven't heard anything about approval of the Tummy Tuck--should hear something any day now. I'm very hopeful.
11/14/02
Okay, first the good news--I now weigh 163 pounds--only 3 pounds away from goal. Now the bad news--my insurance company denied my request for a tummy tuck (abdominoplasty) on the grounds they feel it would be for cosmetic reasons only. My surgeon says we will appeal it. He has been doing this a long time--he must have reason to believe that we can win this appeal. But that now means even if I do win on appeal, it will probably be the middle of next year before I actually have the surgery. My insurance company really drags its feet. I think they just hope I'll go away. That won't happen.
I want this surgery so much. I am so self-conscious of the sagging skin on my stomach and lower abdomen. I look pretty good with clothing, but I hate how I look without them. How can I ever be comfortable if and when I have the opportunity to become intimate with a man. From recent experience, all I have to do is mention that I had WLS, and the man runs. This is a real fear based on past experience. I just want to feel good about myself, and I want to look good for my man if God ever sees fit to bring him into my life.
Is there even a man left out there who will accept me for who and what I am and not expect perfection? Does he even exist?
12/4/02
15 months post-op now. My BMI is 23.4 (well within the normal range). It feels really good to not be "overweight" or "obese" now. Considering that over half of all Americans are overweight according to the official height and weight charts, I am now in the minority.
I had a really nice Thanksgiving again--my second one since WLS. I was able to eat a small serving of my favorite things, including pie and ice cream for dessert. Again--no guilt feelings whatsoever! Thank you, Jesus, for delivering me from that vicious cycle I was in for so many years.
Over all, I am very happy with my surgery. The only thing that bothers me occasionally is that I still have bathroom issues about once a month (diarrhea accompanied by excessive gas, all of which usually last several days). It's always brought on by something I ate (usually refined carbohydrates). I really would like to get control of that area. Hopefully, my system will continue to adjust to my new anatomy and this will become less of an issue over time. In the meantime, I have been experimenting with OTC remedies such as Chlorophyll capsules (internal deodorizer), charcoal capsules and food enzymes (to combat gas) with limited success.
Another issue I'm not happy with is the sagging skin. I've been working my tail off trying to tone up this awful looking skin, but it's not going away. I guess at the age of 47 I can't expect it to bounce back like rubber, now, can I. My upper arms, my upper thighs, my stomach and lower abdomen look horrendous. I'm so self-conscious of these areas. True, I'm gaining muscle definition in my legs and my arms, but I have this unsightly crepe paper looking skin covering it. YUCK!!! I pray that I can at least get the tummy tuck covered by insurance through the appeal. That would go a long way to help me feel better about my body.
Oh...one thing I forgot to mention--Last time I went shopping for pants, I had to buy a size 8 jeans...A size 8! I've never worn a size 8 in my life.
1/4/03 (16-months Post-op)
Today is my 16-month post-op anniversary. Didn't lose any weight this month as the holiday foods were just too enticing. But the good news is--didn't gain either. I ate whatever I wanted and didn't obsess over calories or fat or sugar content--one of the biggest reasons I'm so happy with the DS surgery.
It's that time of year again for the New Year's Resolutions. I'm happy to say I achieved two out of three of my resolutions from last year.
#1. I have lost all my excess weight and have stabilized. I am also physically active and participate in daily workouts. I feel healthier and more energetic than I have in years.
#2. I have found peace with where I'm at in my career. Last year at this time, my job was a source of great emotional pain, but God has healed that, and I am now accepting of my current working circumstances--even happy with them. I enjoy going to work. I have good friends to work with and yet I have great freedom to work on my own, totally self-directed with no supervisor breathing down my neck. I am grateful to have a relatively good-paying job in today's economy and thank God for His provision.
#3. Haven't found that special man yet (although I have made some new "just friends" relationships), but it hasn't been for lack of trying. I've had 2 or 3 disappointing ends to relationship hopefuls, but I have committed my life to His service (Jesus Christ) and He ultimately is in charge of my life and God's timing is always perfect. All I can do is continue to have faith and not give up.
I am now becoming more comfortable in my physical body and don't think of myself as anything other than who I currently am and what I currently look like. The exercise I do is toning and shaping my body and I am feeling much better about myself. Even the sagging skin is becoming less noticeable and is not such an issue. Last summer, I would not have dared to wear a sleeveless blouse, but this year I think I will be able to do that without feeling overly self-concious. My arms are gaining muscle from all the weight training I'm doing and I actually think they are beginning to look darned good.
As for this year's New Year's resolutions:
#1) Continue growing spiritually and begin serving in some capacity on a regular basis, whether it be in the ministry of helps at my local church or in mentoring women in a homeless shelter/half-way house, jail or whatever. It is important that I begin giving of myself again in the service of others.
#2) Continue exercising regularly to build and maintain strength and stamina
#3) Continue seeking God in the area of finding a mate and not letting past disappointment, failure, and emotional pain discourage me from obtaining God's best. I must NOT lose faith. There IS someone out there for me--he will be my best friend as well as my lover.
2/4/03
Weighed in at 161 today. Still seem to be losing a little--only one pound away from my personal goal. I haven't been trying to lose. Actually, I've been eating whatever I want--at least 2000 calories a day. It's wonderful not having to worry about weight gain ever again. The only thing I do have to watch out for is too much fat in my diet. I don't gain weight when I eat it, but I get diarrhea, and that is no fun. So I have to kind of watch it and just not go overboard. I eat regular mayonaise, butter, cheese, cream, olive oil, and things like that--just not too much 'cuz it just wants to slide right out the other end. LOL.
Another thing I try to avoid is refined carbohydrates like sugar and white flour because it causes gas. I have to be careful to take Beano or the gas becomes problematic. Fortunately, I don't indulge in these types of food much anyway. I've always been a "health food nut" and I enjoy eating a mainly plant-based diet of vegetables, fruits and whole grains. Only since the surgery have I had to place a greater emphasis on meat and other high protein foods. I really crave protein now and I get it at every meal and also snack in between meals on protein such as almonds, jerky, peanuts, or cheese.
3/4/08 (18-months Post-op)
I've finally attained my goal even though I haven't been trying to. I'm still struggling with diarrhea and gas--haven't gotten control of that yet and it's beginning to worry me a little. I didn't start having bathroom issues until around the holidays. I figured then it was because of all the rich foods I was eating, but the problem has not gone away and the holidays were 2 months ago. That is a long time to have diarrhea.
I'm experimenting with psyllium husks in hopes they will add bulk to my stools. But I'm beginning to wonder if I might have a bacterial imbalance in my intestines that may need to be cleared up with antibiotics. If the fiber doesn't do the trick, I'll call the doctor next week. I'm going to give the psyllium husks a few more days and see how it goes.
3/17/03
I found out what is wrong with me (the diarrhea). I had pseudomembraneous colitis. I looked it up in webmd.com and found that this is an intestinal flora imbalance very common in infants, but very rare in adults. My surgeon prescribed an antibiotic, Flagyl, which I'm currently taking, and the diarrhea has cleared up. What a relief! No more midnight dashes to the potty, and going 20 or 30 times a day. Turns out it was just a bacterial imbalance in my intestines. It had nothing to do with the surgery. Whew! From now on I'm going to be very diligent to take acidophilus on a regular basis.
4/4/03
19-months post-op. I am healthy. I am completely free of diarrhea. My weight has stabilized at between 160 - 165. I am happy.
I feel that I am entering a new phase in my life. My youngest child is graduating high school this spring and will be moving out sometime this year. I'll be pretty much done with my child rearing years and will face the empty nest syndrome. I am going to explore some new interests and do some things I have wanted to do for years but have had them on the back burner because of family obligations.
I feel my struggles in life are so trivial in the light of what is happening in the world with our troops giving their lives in the war against terror in Iraq and Afghanistan. I pray that God will protect our young men and women, our children who are 18, 19, 20 year-old-kids over there; that God would give our leaders wisdom and knowledge and divine guidance to prevail and win victory over the evil forces behind that butcher, Saddam Hussein; that he and the evil forces controlling him would be totally crushed, and that God's will be done in raising up and delivering the Iraqi people who were so oppressed by that horrible regime.
5/8/03
Wow! Time has gotten away from me. Life has gotten so incredibly busy. It is my favorite season of the year. I've been putting in my garden, sprucing up my yard and my home, and my social life has just been getting better and better. God is so awesome and good to me. I can't thank Him enough for all He has blessed me with--most especially this wonderful surgery to correct a life-long struggle with obesity and the resulting obsession with dieting, bingeing and purging, and the prison of guilt and failure. This surgery has released me from all of that.
Since the day of my surgery 20 months ago, I have been free from the diet mentality. I will never--EVER be on another diet as long as I live. I no longer fear weight gain--no foods are "off limits" or restricted, therefore no obsession or compulsion exists to have that which I cannot have--simply because...I can have whatever I want without fear of adverse consequences, that being weight gain.
I've heard many people on this AMOS site say "your brain didn't get operated on, only your body." Well, I have to disagree in my case--because since my surgery, my urge to eat "bad foods" has gone away, simply because there are no bad foods anymore. That is the beauty of the DS. There are no foods to avoid. Sugar is not the enemy. Fat is not the enemy. There is NO enemy. Food is for sustenance and enjoyment. I love to eat good food. I have always enjoyed gourmet foods and have explored ethnic and cultural foods extensively. I enjoy creating delightful dishes and find great joy in feeding my family and friends with my new creations and new-found recipes. Food has the ability to build wonderful relationships with others, and the taste of really good food can be so exquisite and wonderful.
Some of the differences between my being a pre-op and now a post-op are as follows:
1) I can't eat much at one time anymore. I can eat one small piece of steak (4 oz.), a small dinner salad, and perhaps a 1/3 cup of steamed veggies at one meal...(and that's on a good day!). Before surgery, I could eat huge meals if I allowed myself to which was very rare), and then out of guilt would have to go throw it back up. Now, I never get the urge to throw up simply to get rid of excess food. God healed me of this eating disorder when I had the DS surgery.
2) I eat 5 or 6 small meals a day because I don't enjoy being hungry. When I start getting hungry, I eat. Prior to surgery, I avoided snacks and would suffer hunger all day. As a result of being hungry all the time, I endured obsessive thoughts about food. This contributed to my eating disorder. It also lowered my already sluggish metabolism from all the years of constant dieting and calorie restriction. I was in a vicious cycle that brought only torment. When I tried to eat normal amounts of food for a woman of my size (5'10") I gained weight. As I got older, no amount of dieting and exercise would work to lose those pounds that crept on as I got older.
3) As a pre-op, I was also obsessive-compulsive about exercise. I ran 6 - 10 miles a day, and I worried constantly about finding time to exercise. I reasoned to myself that if I ate anything, I had to exercise excessively to burn the calories I just consumed. As a post-op, I now exercise for the the pure joy of it. I love feeling strong and healthy and pushing myself to new heights, improving my endurance and physical strength. Why? Because it feels great and I love being physically active. I no longer view exercise as a necessary evil to burn calories I consumed.
4) My size 8 clothes always fit. They never get tight around the waist. My weight has been at a constant 160 - 165 pounds for the past several months without me trying. I don't have to count calories, I don't have to have several different sizes of clothing for the good days vs. the bad days.
5) Before surgery I survived on 1200 - 1500 calories a day and still gained weight. Now as a post-op, I consume 2000 - 2500 calories a day with no fear of weight gain.
6) When I look in the mirror now, I like what I see. I feel good about me. Before surgery, I hated looking in the mirror and I loathed myself. I was sad about the loss of my beauty because of my failure to win the battle with obesity. Now I am at peace with my body. The battle is over and I have won--through the grace and power and glory of God!
7/30/03
My second appeal for plastic surgery was denied again for the last time. I now have no way of obtaining the tummy tuck I so badly wanted. I don't have the money to pay for it out-of-pocket. I don't know--perhaps I just need to accept my body for what it is and be content that I have at least lost the excess weight. It's just that I have met someone very special, and of course I worry about what he will think when he sees the sagging skin. I just have to trust that what is being built between us right now is more than skin deep, but that he will see my heart when the time is right.
As far as maintaining my weight, it has been the easiest thing I have ever done. The DS is really an awesome surgery. I don't think I will ever have to worry about gaining weight again. If I gain a couple of pounds, all I have to do is go back to protein and cut the carbohydrates. I still eat small meals so I know my stomach is still small in size and hasn't stretched out too much.
I had a bunionectomy on Monday and now I'm on crutches and wearing a boot cast. This will put a damper on my exercise routine for about 6 weeks. I hope I don't lose all my muscle tone during this time. I was working out 5 days a week, lifting weights twice a week and doing cardio 3 times a week. I can't do the cardio, but I can still do some upper body strength training. I will just make sure I get back into my routine as soon as my foot is healed up. I also look forward to running again. I haven't been able to run for about 8 years because of the bunion on my foot. I used to love to run for an hour at a time down by the river with some tunes to keep me happy and keep my pace steady. Ah...maybe soon, I'll get to do it again.
8/23/03
GREAT NEWS! Life just keeps getting better. I'm engaged to be married to the most wonderful man. God has so blessed my life, I just can't thank Him adequately for all He has done for me. God brought this man into my life who fits me like no one else could. We are a match...all the way from temperament, intellect, spiritual, emotional, physical, personality, political views, family values, similar upbringing, work ethics, child rearing methods, etc.... It just goes on and on. He is God's very best for me, and I love him so much. I had almost given up on ever finding my soulmate when low and behold, he suddenly appeared. We will marry sometime next year--probably in July.
Other news...still in a boot cast and my foot is healing, but seems to be taking forever. I have been off work the entire month of August recuperating and will have to wear this cast through September and into October. *sigh*
My weight is still maintaining between 160 and 165, even though I have not been able to work out for the past 4 weeks. I am going to start lifting weights 3 days a week so I don't go totally soft. Then when I get this boot off, I'll start doing non impact aerobics (i.e. stationery bike) for awhile until my foot bones are strong enough to start doing floor routines again.
I am still struggling with body image...hate those areas that could be improved with plastic surgery, as I am so self-critical and perfectionistic. But my fiance says my body is beautiful, and I choose to believe he really means it. It is very hard for me to get my mind to accept that fact--that I am beautiful in his eyes... and that maybe I just need to work on self-acceptance--not focus on the imperfections, but learn to be at peace with my body, my self, and just revel in what I do well--to focus on the positive rather than the negative. By the grace of God, I believe I can do this. He has helped me in every other area--He will help me see myself as He sees me--in the image of Christ.
9/4/03 * My 2-Year Anniversary! *
Two years ago today I had bariatric surgery--the bpd/ds to be exact. My life has changed so dramatically in that two years and I can't hardly believe that it has been two years already.
To begin with, I have had wonderful success. All extra weight has been lost. I am healthy. I am happy. I am living proof that this surgery is life-saving, life-enhancing, life-changing. My quality of life has improved 100%. All comorbidities are gone--no more back pain, no more acid reflux disease, no more shortness of breath, no more depression.
My weight has stabilized and has been effortless to maintain just as I knew it would be. I am experiencing some loss of muscle tone due to a recent foot surgery. Because of the surgery I have not been able to work out for over a month. And it will be another month before I can even think about it due to the fact that I am wearing a boot cast, so aerobic exercise is out of the question right now.
I've noticed my breasts are getting bigger due to lack of exercise, but my size 8's and 10's still fit nicely, so I'm not too worried about it. I think the breast tissue and any flab I am accumulating right now will be quickly lost as soon as I am able to exercise regularly again.
I cannot overeat, nor do I wish to. I eat normal small meals and no one would ever know I had bariatric surgery by noticing what I am able to eat at a meal.
I've noticed since I've not been exercising, my appetite has decreased. Instead of eating 5 or 6 small meals a day, I am down to about 3 meals a day.
The nicest thing about this surgery is that I don't spend my "non-eating" time obsessing about thoughts of food. I don't even think about food unless I happen to get hungry. I just feel so normal (whatever normal is, eh?). I know that "normal" is relative, but you get my jist.
I feel great, look great, and I am looking forward to a bright future filled with opportunity, my health, and the love of a good man. God is so good.
Oct. 3, 2003
Lots happening here--major stressors, but they are not overwhelming. My baby had her 18th birthday (became legally an adult) on Sunday. Then 2 days ago, she and my other daughter rented their own apartment here in town and moved out. I am now "kidless" and living alone for the first time in 25 years. WOW! It is weird. And yet, it is amazing looking at the timing of it all. I also am getting married soon--trying to wait until April, but don't know if I can or even want to wait that long. My fiance feels the same way, but I always told my kids to "know that person through all 4 seasons before you marry him/her", so I can't hardly marry before then, now, can I. Even though my kidlets are all grown now, I still have to be a role model. It's just so hard to wait. And we won't live together before marrying either, as that is another thing I have been vocal about (LOL).
On another note, I got my boot cast off last week and have now gone back to the gym to begin working out again. I can't do floor routines yet (my favorite), but I can do the elyptical machine, the stationery bike and the weight machines. I have definitely lost muscle tone and have become somewhat flabby over the 2 months I've been incapacitated, but fortunately, only gained a couple of pounds during that time. I'm now back on the exercise track and hopefully will see results soon.
When I look back on my life and see where I was 2 years ago before this surgery, I am amazed at the changes that have occurred. I am so blessed. I just want so much to see any pre-ops who are in the midst of jumping through hoops now to know that their dreams can and will come true if they just have the tenacity to hang on to them. One must never give up. God will bless those who stand strong and keep the faith.
11/4/03
Today is my 2-year and 2-month anniversary (26 months). I saw my surgeon yesterday for my 2-year follow-up plus blood work. When I get the results from the blood work back, I will post it here. As for my weigh-in, I was in total shock. I was like an ostrich with my head in the sand. I knew I had gained weight during my convelescence from foot surgery 3 months ago, but was afraid to get on the scales to face the music. Well, yesterday at my surgeon's office, I did. I gained 10 pounds! 10 Pounds! from 3 months of inactivity and continuing to eat whatever I wanted.
Well, what a wake-up call. I realize that for me--even though I had the DS, I will have to watch it during times of inactivity. I am not one of the lucky ones who can eat anything and not gain weight. I can and did--probably due to a life-time of dieting. You know the story already--screwed up metabolism from so many starvation diets. Thank God, though, I found out before it turned into 20 or 30 pounds.
I'm back at the gym now working out 5 days a week. I stopped at the store to pick up some instant protein tonight, and I'm going "high protein" starting tomorrow. Back to the ketostix I go. Hopefully I will have this extra 10 pounds off by the end of the year. I will post here to keep myself honest and let everyone know that the DS is not a panacea to heavenly eating. I do know people who don't gain any weight after the DS but, unfortunately, I am not one of them. So two-plus years out, I am thankful that I found out now.
Darn it! Why did it have to end. That two years was so much fun. Now I have to work at it again. I am thankful, though, that now it is going to be so much easier--the smaller stomach, the malabsorption component all serve to help me lose it and keep it off.
God is so good.
11/18/03
I'm back down a few pounds. All it took was upping my protein, backing off on refined carbs, some regular exercise, and the weight just came right back off. Losing weight was never so easy before. I need to lose another five to seven pounds and I'll be back to my lowest post-op weight.
Dr. Oakley called me with my blood test results. My blood levels are all normal. He was concerned about the ADEKs because he'd read that DS patients have a tendency to be low in those vitamins which are fat soluble, and since our new plumbing doesn't allow for much absorbtion of fat, hence, low levels of vitamins A, D, E, and K. But since I have never followed a low-fat diet since surgery, my levels are just fine. On the contrary, I eat a very high-fat, high-protein diet and have never felt healthier than I do now.
12/26/03
I received the best Christmas present ever. I got a husband for Christmas--the best husband a woman could ask for. I was married Dec. 19th to my beloved at our local county courthouse with my two grown daughters in attendance. We spent our wedding night at a nice hotel along the river here in town. My family surprised us with all kinds of goodies. When we arrived at our room, it was filled with gifts of flowers, candles, wine and champagne, bubble bath for our in-room hot tub, smoked salmon, crackers and candy.
Hubby's family are the best. They are such a blessing. I also became an instant grandma--two adorable grandkids, ages 7 and 8. I am just so happy--so blessed, I feel like I am in a dream and I'm going to wake up any moment to find it all gone.
I've had so many hardships in life, and I've had to work so hard for everything I've ever obtained--when something this good happens, it is hard to grasp and accept that God truly is interested in me personally and wants to bless me--just as we want to bless our own children and see good things come to them. My heart is just so filled with gratitude.
Now I just need to see my mom heal and recover quickly from her open-heart surgery a couple of weeks ago. She is on the mend, but going through all the normal stages of physical weakness and depression. I pray that God would continue to heal her and meet her every need.
My weight has been stable for the past year now. I'm hovering around 170 pounds. I'd like to be at 160, but won't see that unless I "diet," which happens to be a dirty word to me. So as long as I maintain and just keep staying active and eating healthy, I can accept where I am weight-wise--especially since I comfortably wear a size 10. My size 8's are a little snug, but I think that once my foot heals completely from the bunion surgery, I should be able to start regular running again. That is my goal this year--to start running again. I miss it so much. If that happens, my weight will drop back down to 160 and I'll firm up even more.
God bless anyone who is reading this. I hope you realize every dream and achieve God's best for your life.
1/13/04
The year is getting away from me already. Way past the time for New Year's Resolutions. Just looking back at my previous New Year's Resolutions, and I suddenly realized I have achieved all but one--Finding a ministry to get involved in within my local church.
Well, now that I am married I will concentrate on achieving this goal. Both my husband and I need to get actively involved in ministry at our church. He currently works with children in his old church, and wants to finish out his commitment to them which ends in May (end of the school year). After he completes that, we will delve into children's ministry in our local church.
I am also interested in getting back into the music ministry. I should really pick up my guitar and start practicing again. It has been a long time. But the desire to sing and worship has always been there--just like it was back when I was an ordained minister.
I also want to mentor younger women--perhaps in a half-way house where women and children are escaping abusive relationships or drugs or whatever else got them derailed and off-track in life. I just have to figure out how I am going to do all these things while I am working a full-time job.
As far as weight maintenance goes, I seem to have no problems keeping a constant weight of 170 give or take a couple of pounds. It just never ceases to amaze me that my weight is so easy to maintain now. After a life-time of dieting and starving, I now eat without fear, never give a second thought to whether a certain food is on my diet. When I am hungry, I eat. For two years now I have enjoyed this new life-style, and I am so happy it is continuing to be so easy. Of course, I am responsible in making healthy food choices and I exercise 5 days a week at a gym on my lunch hour, but that is all. No extraordinary effort is used, such as going hungry, or eating rabbit food (raw vegetables) instead of a nice comfort food such as a casserole or a bowl of stew.
I thank God for His abundant provision. I am open to whatever He has for me this year. My prayer is that I will hear what He is saying and obey His will without hesitation. May I be a vessel that brings Him honor.
4/1/04
I'm 2-1/2 years post-op and very happy with my life. I have decided this will be my last entry for quite awhile. There is no need to update now that my WLS journey is over. I will update about once a year just to let people know I'm still here and living my life, but I'm moving on. This journal has been a cathartic part of my journey and I hope it helps others as it has helped me.
For all who read this while fighting the insurance companies, suffer through all the evaluations, the denials and appeals, the healthcare professionals you must deal with, hang in there. It will happen if you make it happen. Remember, you are your own advocate--don't take no for an answer.
9/10/06
Here it is 5 years later. I am still happy with my surgery decision. I gained back about 15 pounds from my lowest weight--and have been at my current weight for about 3 years. Mostly it is due to not exercising regularly. I still eat whatever I want, but I do avoid processed foods such as flour and sugar. I have problems digesting processed foods--junk foods, high fat, high sugar, such as desserts, bread, ice cream. If I indulge in these types of foods, I get gas, intestinal pain, diarrhea--thus, I have learned it is just not worth it. So now those types of foods do not appeal to me--basically because I equate them with getting sick.
I do, however, crave protein. I can eat as much meat, cheese, eggs, poultry, fish as I want without any intestinal distress. I can also eat all the veggies my heart desires. I have to be careful with fruit, as it acts the same as sugar in my intestines. I can have some, but must not overindulge, as an excess of fruit will cause gas, pain and diarrhea.
I still have to eat very slowly. If I eat too quickly, I become ill and throw up my dinner. Also, I must eat small bites. Large bites also make me throw up. It physically hurts if I take too large a bite, or if I take several bites too close together.
Still happily married to the greatest guy in Idaho. We are a perfect match, and I could not be happier. If I hadn't had this surgery, I never would have met and married my dear sweet husband because I would never have made the effort to go out and meet him. I was so ashamed of my appearance, that I was quickly becoming a recluse, venturing out only to go to work and do the necessary grocery shopping once every two weeks. After I lost the weight, I wanted to meet Mr. Right, and I found him, thank the Lord.
I am also now a new grandmother. My grandson is going to be 1 year old this month. My daughter, her husband and my new grandson live just a few houses from my husband and I, so I get to see my grandbaby almost daily. I have so many blessings in my life, I don't know where to begin.
I also quit my hellish job of 9 years, a job that caused me terrible anguish and suffering for the last 5 years (the entire post-op period), and I started my own business. My business website can be found at http://www.AssistingAngels.biz. I work with Seniors and the disabled now. I have employees and clients and a sense of being in the right place finally--making a difference, and I am so happy. I love my life!
Bariatric Surgery Center of Idaho
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Member Interests:
Arts - As an artist, I enjoy anything creative or original--appreciate talent in others
Computers & Internet - I enjoy learning and having the world at my fingertips.
Crafts - I'm an artist and enjoy working in many different mediums.
Fitness & Exercise - I do cardio workouts 3 times a week, weight training 2 times a week.
Games & Entertainment - Computer games, puzzles, movies, music and karaoke.
Singing - Musical talent runs in my family. I sing and play guitar.
Photography - I want my own dark room.
Gardening & Horticulture - I love digging in the earth and growing food and flowers. Very rewarding.
Camping - One of my favorite things to do if I can go in an R.V.--don't enjoy tent camping
Christianity - I want to hear those words: "Well done, good and faithful servant."
Click here to see interests of other ObesityHelp members.
Surgeon Info:
Surgeon: Christian Oakley, M.D.
My surgeon is Dr. W. Christian Oakley.
Boise, Idaho
Dr. Oakley is a fine and dedicated, competent surgeon and skilled in his field. Not only can he perform the Laparascopic RNY, he also does the open duodenal switch (BPD/DS). This is extremely beneficial to Idahoans as he is currently the only physician in Idaho who performs both procedures.
His staff are courteous and friendly and quite loyal to Dr. Oakley. His secretary told me "Dr. is an excellent surgeon. If I had to have this procedure done, I would make sure he was my surgeon. I trust him with my life."
He has proven himself ready and willing to work with each patient on an individual basis. If insurance doesn't approve one's surgery, he will still work with the patient in setting up a payment plan. Overall, my impression of him is that he is compassionate and genuinely cares for his patients. You will never feel rushed when you are with him. He gives me his undivided attention and is always glad to answer any and all questions. He's wonderful.
Insurer Info:
United Health, PPO
They approved my surgery pretty quickly. I didn't have to appeal their decision, so I don't feel that they stalled, nor did they ask for lots of testing such as psychological exam, etc. My advice to others is to give the insurance company time. Don't keep bugging them. You may cause more delay if you make somebody angry. They might decide to stall for time, or even deny coverage. I waited 30 days after my surgeon sent the paperwork in before I called, and the rep. I spoke to was exceptionally helpful and very courteous. Within 2 days, a lady named Laura called me back and told me I was approved. She, too, was very nice. She asked me if I had any questions about the surgery and was very knowledgeable and helpful. I give thanks to God. He's made this possible and I feel so blessed.
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