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Weight History

Obesity & Me

Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.

My story is a bit unique because I had successfully lost weight and changed my lifestyle 16 years ago. I suppose I had to watch my weight and stay active to keep the weight off, but I never felt like I had a 'behavioral and emotional battle' with weight. I was a healthy 150 something pounds for a long time. I was fit, active and very conscious of the food. I kept a food diary, was a personal trainer, marathon runner, and military person that excelled in all areas at work and in physical fitness. I never finished number one in the fitness arena but ME, compared to youth where I DID IN FACT HAVE A BEHAVIORAL AND EMOTIONAL BATTLE, I was number one for me. After my injury to my knees and back, and then getting out of the Marines/Navy in 1998, my interest in exercise diminished over the years to come to present. I mean, imagine working out 4 hours a day (2xs a day basically) five days a week and weekends for 16 years to MAINTAIN weight loss? I woke up one day and just got BORED AND TIRED WITH IT ALL. I hung up my running shoes, put down the weights and started at first to eat a little of this, little of that WHENEVER I WANTED. When I got back to the gym, 10 lbs were on. Then 20, then 30..finally, the knees hurt and back would go out during my intense workouts. My career had taken off so well that I became sedentary having only one main meal a day. My metabolism shifted having been used to five small meals when I was athletic and in control. My one meal a day was huge and high in fat. In one year, last year 2002 I was a size 13/14. That was HUGE for me having been only a 11/12 for so many years. I would love to be that 13/14 NOW, as in one year I went up from 194 to 234, as I type I wear a size 18. I admit I want my life to be easier after this surgery having to NOT worry about my weight once its under control. I am not a fat person by nature. My being is not about weight.My life is not about weight anymore. Anyone that knows me knows I am a very busy person. I am beginning to feel the emotional and behavioral problems that I can RE-ASSOCIATE to gaining this weight and it REALLY SUCKS.

What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?

For me its the whole package. I won't date when I'm heavy and I date a lot. I'm a good looking girl. I feel well, not insecure, but not completely open about myself to a guy when I'm overweight. I can't or should I say won't wear anything I want, AND THAT HURTS ME A LOT BECAUSE I'M A FASHION FANATIC. I hate feeling like I'm OUT THERE when I'm in public. Like I'm on display. I feel like people are looking at the 'fat girl' (ALTHOUGH PEOPLE I KNOW THAT HAVE SEEN ME GET FAT TELL ME I DON'T LOOK AS FAT AS I THINK I AM WHICH IS NICE BUT I STILL FEEL LIKE THE POWDER BOY FROM GHOSTBUSTERS WHEN I WALK). I love sex, and feel very insecure naked. I am ugly when I'm fat naked and there is no nice way to put it. Who wants to look at all that? I don't. I'm grateful to be healthy and NORMAL. But it is unattractive to see someone overweight unclothed. Period. THat is the worst part for me.

How did you first find out about bariatric surgery and what were your initial impressions of it?

Well, I had always seen photos of people like 500 or 1000 pounds in the news when I was a kid. "800 pound man has to be taken from home on flatbed truck to hospital for emergency bypass stomach stapling surgery". That's all I ever knew of it. When I was normal weight about two years ago, I heard my neighbor had it done. She was only 190 lbs. It was then I started to hear about it more and more. Then my interest was higher after Carnie Wilson did it and when I gained the weight this past year I REALLY thought about it. AFter my assistant's mom got the surgery LOCALLY, I thought "hmmmm, can I do this?". My impressions of it were very mixed feelings. I thought "I don't know if I can live the rest of my life with a stomach 2 ounces big. WEll that was minor in comparison to what I had a hard time dealing with regarding the anesthsia and the moving around of stomach parts during surgery. Your stomach is all turn around this and that, and thought "yikes, I don't know. What happens if in 10 years they find out (they being THE PRESS) that RNY is showing dangerous side effects (like plastic surgery)? I got really freaked about all of that. I'm a very natural person. I've never really needed to go to a doctor for many things as I'm really healthy. I thought "gosh am I gonna choke on my food? Will my esophogus get clogged?". Nutty stuff.
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Before & After
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