Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I really think that I have been in denial for many years regarding my weight. It's hard to tell exactly when I thought of this as being a battle. I've always been fat. I grew up in a very small town where most of the girls were very thin. I had a couple of things going on: I was the only African American girl in my school and I was fat. Well needless to say, the fact that I was the only black girl in my class did not cause me any issues while growing up, the fact that I was fat, however, did. I remember when I was in the 8th grade, we had to do this presidential physical fitness in gym class. I remember that they weighed us in first, out in the open where everyone could see. I didn't want to get on that scale but I had to. No one else seemed to have a problem with it. All of the skinny little girls got on the scale and were seemingly fine. When it came to me, the other kids looked away. I think that they sensed my shame. I've always been short so at 14 years old, about 4'10, I weighed 140 pounds. What I wouldn't give to weigh 140 pounds now!!! That doesn't seem so bad now. For my height at that time, I think that I should have weighed about 15 pounds less. I wish that I would have known then what I know now, Weight doesn't move if you don't move. Well it moves but it moves up....
I've been on every diet imaginable: Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, soup diet, grapefruit diet, starvation diet, health cookie diet, etc, etc. Have I lost weight? Of course I have. The most weight lost, 35 pounds on weight watchers. I just couldn't keep it off. It's a like a roller coaster for me. Just when I feel like I'm doing good and I'm seeing results, I sabatoge myself. Just recently, I began to ask myself what are the reasons for me spiraling out of control. Did something happen to me when I was a child that makes me turn to food? As a child, was I psycologically or physically harmed so that I feel the need to turn to food for comfort? I mean what's wrong with me? Well after thinking long and hard, I have to say NO. I'm the baby of my family, I grew up in a two parent home with my 2 brothers and my sister. I was loved, cared for and protected. I don't have any horror stories of being physically or sexually or verbally abused. We weren't the richest people in our town but my parents provided a good home with good Christian ethics and beliefs. I had the usual growing pains: homework, friends, hair, make up worries, prom date, first boyfriend, first kiss, getting caught stealing a bag of M &M's by mom (very scary stuff, never did it again!!) So what is it that caused me to balloon from 140 pounds at the age of 14 to 275 pounds at the age of 35? The answer is simple: I love to eat. I feel as if I have no filter when it comes to food. In my mind, I exercise. I plan my work out. I see myself walking, jogging, running. I'm one of those people who watches the Biggest Loser, while eating ice cream or potato chips you get the picture? I admit it, there is a disconnect between me wanting to lose weight and me actually doing what it takes to lose the weight. Besides, everyone in my family was "heavy" so it seemed normal to me. That's my struggle!!!
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
Although I have a pretty high self esteem, there are areas where I do feel inadequate. There are a few "worst things" about being overweight. I'll list them...
1. I cannot cross my legs.
2. I cannot put on shoes, socks, nylons without sitting on the side of the bed, huffing and puffing.
3. I can never really get comfortable while sitting.
4. I lean a lot when standing (against a wall, over a chair etc.)
5. I am bigger than my husband
a. He cannot pick me up(even though he did last week when I fell. Must have been reflex!!)
b. I cannot wear his pajama tops (a definite goal of mine)
c. I sometimes feel sexually limited (lot of body here)
6. Health Issues
7. Dunlap disease (My stomach "done lapped" over my pants/skirts,body...)
8 Frankly, just living in a society where "thin is in" and Fat is Whack.