Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
Behaviorally, I am a bulk eater. I finish the package. I cannot seem to stop myself from getting down to the crumbs. I have tried every diet that has come down the 'pike, including Dr. Stillman, Dr. Atkins, the Scarsdale Diet, the Hollywood Diet, the Cabbage Soup Diet, the forgiveness diet, OptiFast (twice!), and I have not been able to curb the urge to "clean the plate." Even while I am eating, I tell myself that it would be good to have some left over, but it does no good at all. I have fought with being overweight since the age of 11. It has been a major influence over much of what I have chosen to do or not do since the age of 11. To a large part, it governed how my mother and I dealt with one another. She would try to tell me what and how much to eat. I understand now that it came from a place of loving me and caring about my health, but it never felt that way.
Emotionally, food has been my friend. Always there. Providing emotional, as well as physical, sustenance. Chocolate and carbos do make you feel better, this is a scientific fact. And yet, I hate the way I look. I hate the way I think people look at me. So, I'm bestride the horns of a large dilemma, a paradox. And I cannot choose which side to be on. My weight has added to whatever problems I have had psychologically. It becomes a cycle, eating to feel better, feeling bad about having eaten, weighing more on the scale, hating myself, hating the way I look, and then eating to feel better.
What was (is) the worst thing about being overweight?
The very worst thing about being overweight is feeling as if people are judging me all the time, judging not only how I look, but judging what I put in my grocery cart, what I put on my plate at a restaurant, how quickly I eat, how much I eat, etc. and judging me negatively based on my appearance. It makes me want to be hermit!
If you have had weight loss surgery already, what things do you most enjoy doing now that you weren't able to do before?
Putting on clothes that I USED TO wear! Putting on a bathing suit that's too big!! Swimming! Finding that my formerly favorite shoes are Too Big!!
at 8 weeks: Touching my toes without bending my knees!
at 10 weeks: Wearing clothes that I never put on because they were too small when I bought them! Buying shoes that are a 1/2 size smaller!! Touching the floor with my finger tips and with my knees straight!
at 11 weeks: My new bathing suit is too big.
at 24 weeks: Crossing my legs at the knees. Being aware that I have butt skin that is hanging (I enjoy knowing that - it's never happened to me before).
at 29 weeks: Finding that the clothes that were too small when I bought them (and that I was wearing) are now too big.
at 10 months: Feeling ATTRACTIVE. Knowing that I, yes, me, I Look Good.
at almost 1 year: Energy up! Being able to bend down without thinking twice about how I'm going to get up. The clothes! The Clothes!! THE CLOTHES!!! Having people say, you look like a new person. (and am I not?)
at 13 months: Feeling physically WELL. Having energy to walk around all day without that washed-out-washed-up feeling.
at 18 months: Getting home without feeling I don't have to take a nap. Walking around all weekend long. SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES IN A NEW DEPARTMENT! SHOPPING FOR CLOTHES IN DIFFERENT STORES!