5 Tips For Dating After Weight Loss SurgeryApril 7, 2016
Dating after weight loss surgery can be a daunting endeavor. For many of us, it is the first time we've thought about dating since our surgery. The important thing is that you're thinking about it and wanting to add dating to your post-WLS lifestyle.
Now that you've had surgery, lost weight and improved your health, you are starting to gain your self-confidence back and starting to really like the new you. Many times the next step is questioning if you should dip your toes into the dating pool? The answer is YES! However, it is important to go into the dating scene with your eyes wide open.
A year and one-half ago, I was asking myself if I was ready to get back into dating and relationships. I wanted to research articles or sites that offered advice to post-op patients for dating after weight loss surgery. As I conducted my research, I was not able to find much information or tips, so I decided to share my personal experience in the dating world. My hope is that my sharing my experience that it will encourage and help other WLS post-ops explore their own dating experience.
Dating After Weight Loss Surgery
Before you dive into the dating scene, I caution you to evaluate your life and make sure that you are ready for dating. In other words, we may have had issues that contributed to our morbid obesity in terms of a relationship. Make sure you've dealt with those before you start to date again. It is always best to do the work to make yourself happy to the point that you are starting to love yourself before you start to love someone else.
Once you are starting to feel that self-confidence again, it is time to start looking into dating.
In this day and age of digital technology and our fast pace lifestyles, many people turn to online dating as on option to find the perfect match. I chose the route of online dating first as a way to start the process slowly and at my own pace. While online dating offers the convenience of being able to check profiles from your computer or mobile device, and answer and reply to messages easily, it also opens a whole new world of potential partners that might not share your relationship goals.
In my situation, some of the men who would message me did not have the same goal and intent of having a relationship as I was. If this happens to you, I would encourage you not to settle for someone that isn't on the "same page" as you are regarding dating or a relationship. Go through anyone that contacts you or that you'd like to contact for someone that shares what you are looking for.
5 Tips for Dating After Weight Loss Surgery
- Only Reveal Information When Necessary - One important question that I had was how soon into the dating process should I reveal that I have been obese, and had weight loss surgery. The answer to this question is dependent on you and the other person. For me, I wanted to be upfront from the beginning and I chose to put this information in great detail on my dating profile. If someone messaged me and did not mention my weight loss surgery then I questioned if my profile was read and I had to determine if this is someone I wanted to pursue further. This is a personal choice for you and when you feel it is appropriate and when you are ready to reveal that information.
- Practice With Your Friends - Dating is a whole new world to us after having WLS and sometimes just coming up with small talk can be a challenge. I sat down with my close friends and came up with a list of good topics for conversation. In order for me to feel prepared, we had fun role playing so I could practice the art of small talk in a dating situation. This helped to build my confidence and also gave me a great arsenal of topics to choose from. This is also an opportunity to model some outfits that make you feel sexy and confident. With the help of your friends, you can then narrow down your first date outfits.
- Do Not Be A Negative Nelly - As we've lost weight, we can experience a roller coaster of emotions from being happy and feeling confident, to being discouraged by our new bodies or not reaching our goal weight as of yet. Do not let your potential date hear about how you hate your body, or you do not love your saggy skin, etc. You need to portray yourself as confident and a person that is happy in their own skin, and not willing to settle for anything less than happiness.
- Do Some Pre-Date Planning - Now that we have a whole new life and healthy food choices in place, research restaurants that you would feel comfortable going to with your first date. You can view menus online or visit the restaurant to check it out. You don’t want your date centered on food choices and what you can or cannot eat. An alternative your first few dates could be are to take a walk in a park, meet at a local coffee shop or to Barnes and Nobles, and other non-food get-togethers. For my first dates, I compiled a list of places that I could go to that offered smaller portions or healthier options. From that list, I could make suggestions to my date as to where we could dine at. Do some pre-date planning so you don't get into a situation where you are over-eating or not able to eat much on the menu.
- Bring Your Self-Confidence On Every Date - Make sure to bring your confidence and self-esteem with you on your date (don't leave it at home). You are a new person, with new wants, need and someone that should be proud of yourself, your body and your lifestyle. Whenever I would go on a date, I would have the mindset that any guy would be so lucky to have me. This may sound conceited to you but it is true for you too. You've accomplished so much success and personal growth and worked really hard to get where you are now. Make sure you realize that anyone would be fortunate to be in a relationship with you.
My Relationship After Weight Loss Surgery
While I had to date a few trolls myself, I am happy to share that I found my Mr. Right and we are set to get married this May.
In large part, this is because I refused to settle for anyone that did not treat me right or was not into dating for the same reasons as I was. By being confident, honest and open, I was able to meet someone that is my knight in shining armor. Not only does he fully support my lifestyle, but he also encourages my eating habits, my fitness routine, and my healthier lifestyle. These people do exist, you just have to put yourself first in all situations and you will find the right person for you.
ABOUT THE AUTHORBypassPrincess72 is a single Mom of two girls and was in an abusive marriage to an alcoholic. As a result, she turned to food for comfort. She finally made the decision to put herself, divorced and began to work on herself both emotionally and physically. She is proud of many accomplishments including a weight loss of 169 pounds. Her motto and theme of her blog is “Nothing will hold me down anymore!”