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7 Habits of Weight Loss Surgery Warriors

October 6, 2015

A few years ago, my coaching client Anna told me, “I was well informed when I had my weight loss surgery. I just didn’t think I would be one of those people who would struggle. I didn’t know it would be this hard for this long.”

Another client, Debbie, shared, “When I heard about [weight loss surgery] I thought I had reached heaven, but I had the surgery and never reached ‘goal.’ It is an every moment battle with me.”

In her session, Stephanie explained to me (after some regain), “I told myself I’d failed again. And I didn’t know how to tell anyone. I couldn’t admit it. I was terrified…. I knew then I could easily regain every ounce I had lost.”

Every day, weight loss surgery (WLS) people face obstacles, decisions, consequences, and discouragement – and as an 11-year bariatric surgery patient, I understand how challenging the post-op life can be.

When my life becomes a struggle, I fight my battle day by day with determination. I have begun to see myself as a WLS warrior. Having gone through tragedy and overcome regain, I have battled mightily, and I’m not the same person who was rolled into surgery so many years ago.  It has been a process to discover who I am after my weight loss surgery.

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Below are 7 habits that I have lived by and have observed in others, who also are striving every day to win their battle with obesity. Maybe these habits will help you in your battle, too.

1. Get enough of the right kind of support.  

While monthly (or bi-monthly) WLS support groups are an important part of long-term success after surgery, they usually are not enough. Many of the people who struggle with regain have been triggered by a difficult life circumstance. Others have unsupportive loved ones. Most of us deal day in and day out with exposure to foods that can trigger us to eat.

If one support group meeting a month works for you when your life is stable, it probably won’t be enough if you lose a loved one, begin to date, start to drink too much, or lose a job. Additional support can include coaches, therapists, dietitians, ministers, and friends – as long as they are safe.

Safe people are people who do not have an agenda for you. Their ego is not caught up in seeing you “succeed” so they can feel good about themselves. They certainly aren’t people who are embarrassed by your weight (my mom used to try to “help” me lose weight, because she was embarrassed to have a fat daughter). Safe people can tolerate your struggles without trying to fix you. They show compassion and help you sort out what you’re needing.

2. Focus on the basics.  

There are lots of ways to fight a battle. Sometimes we get so caught up in caring for others, trying diets, blaming our knees, or browsing recipes; we forget to simply eat protein first, chew thoroughly, drink 64 ounces of water, and take supplements. I’ve been known to get depressed and question my entire existence, rather than cutting up vegetables to roast or baking some chicken.

3. Be willing to go to any lengths.  

In 1984, I admitted myself to an intensive, inpatient, alcohol-recovery program. To stop drinking was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I did not do it alone. I needed a ton of support. One thing my mentor told me way back then made a huge impact on my recovery from obesity years later. He told me to be willing to go to any lengths to recover.

This is freeing to me, because when I get hit by a tidal wave (breast cancer in 2013, for example), I do not feel ashamed to ask for help. I know it’s okay to go to whatever lengths are necessary to avoid major regain. I ask people to cut up veggies for me (and drop them off at my house), I have my husband do the grocery shopping, and I decline party invitations if I’m feeling too vulnerable to be around refined carbohydrates. I put my obesity recovery first.

4. Do it until you want to do it.   

Motivation follows action. Most of my new healthy behaviors didn’t feel great when I first tried them. I took action first and the motivation crept in. One of my favorite examples of this is my bedtime routine. For a full decade leading up to my bariatric surgery, I ate a bowl of chocolate Hagen Das ice cream, with Spanish peanuts on top, every night before bed.

After surgery, I knew I couldn’t continue that behavior, so I substituted peppermint tea. I know, it doesn’t sound like a great replacement, but I am practically addicted to peppermint tea now. I just kept drinking it at bedtime until I wanted to drink it at bedtime. It took about 2 months for this to happen.

Now, when I hold one of my retreats for bariatric surgery women, at least one person arrives hoping to share a cup of peppermint tea with me at bedtime. That brings me joy.

5. Practice self-awareness to improve your self care.  

Let’s be honest, life brings us many battles. We fight our low self-esteem, traumatic memories, and food cravings. Sometimes we are clumsy in our post-WLS relationships, and we don’t know what we feel or need.

I believe, down to my bones; that self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-care are huge “weapons” against WLS dissatisfaction. If we don’t practice self-awareness, we don’t know what’s really going on. Once we understand what’s going on (for example, we’re eating to mask negative emotions), we need self-compassion so that we can welcome those emotions and reach out for help. With self-awareness and self-compassion, it is much easier to take care of ourselves and our health.

6. When you fall down, get up.  

WLS warriors don’t let a stumble get in the way of progress. Warriors find victory only when they’ve battled, lost, built new skills, and battled again. That’s how they gain ground in their struggle.

One of the most stressful and embarrassing experiences I’ve had since WLS, was when I was invited to speak at a national bariatric conference, but had regained about 40 pounds (following my bowel obstruction trauma).

Even though I had regained, I kept talking nicely to myself. I looked at my situation with compassion and encouraged myself to get up as soon as I was willing and able. I was able to overcome my regain over the course of about a year.

When I spoke honestly about my battle, three months after my fall, I was sure people would feel let down or judgmental about my weight. I was wrong. One woman told me she was glad I was human, and that she hoped she would follow my example if it ever happened to her.

7. Embrace liminal space.  

I believe the number one obstacle to winning the obesity battle is a closed mind. The people who do the best after WLS admit they don’t know all the answers and are willing to take risks and to get out of their comfort zone.

They ask for help, try new things, learn lessons, try again, and become empowered. They are true warriors, running toward the pain and discomfort of real change and deep transformation.

Liminal space is the place between old comfortable ways of living; and new, uncomfortable ways of living – and ultimately thriving. Liminal space is the gap between obesity and a vibrant, post-WLS life.

Success as a WLS Warrior

By embracing the 7 habits of WLS warriors, you may find your struggles to be much more manageable. And if they become unmanageable, you’ll have all kinds of new skills to try. My hope is you’ll come to realize you are a capable warrior, and you can thrive.

In our session, Anita, a long-term retreat attendee and coaching client, exclaimed, “I had no idea it was possible for me to regain weight and then lose it again! I thought that when I regained, it was all over. I’m blown away by how much I’ve grown and how far I’ve come.”

While long-term obesity recovery is challenging, no one has to struggle alone. So, I encourage you to find safe, uplifting people to surround yourself with and to be gentle with yourself.

By focusing on habits that move you toward health, you can strengthen your amazing warrior skills. And you’ll need them! After all, being a warrior is getting back on your feet regardless of how many times you fall.

katej

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Katie Jay, MSW, is a life and wellness coach, trainer, speaker, and author; who specializes in bariatric surgery. Katie founded the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery and is the author of three WLS-related books, including Small Bites: Daily Inspirations for Weight Loss Surgery Patients. She also offers retreats and workshops through the National Association for Weight Loss Surgery.