After the WLS After
August 9, 2013We’ve all seen them. Those amazing weight loss stories on the covers of magazines or on talk shows. And there’s always a before and after photo. On the left is usually a particularly unflattering picture of a person when they were larger. On the right is the new, shiny, confident, sassy “after.”
In the weight loss surgery world, it seems, we are a bit obsessed with before and after photos. On the Facebook Page for my website, I do a monthly call for before and after photos and the response has been overwhelming.
But what about after the after?
What about after the applause, after the fanfare, after everyone stops cheering you on (because instead of this being who you are becoming, this is now just who you are), after there are no more shrinking clothes and no more tumbling scales and after you don’t even have to go to your surgeon’s office but once a year? What happens to you after all that?
That’s an issue I care a lot about because here I am, five years post-op – after the after. My family knew me when I was larger but, again, after five years of seeing me trudge to the gym several times a week, refuse certain foods and down vitamins, they’re sort of used to this iteration of me. New friends never knew me when I was larger and my behavior and eating doesn’t really warrant me telling them unless I want to. Even then, it gets met with a brief moment of admiration, not the fanfare I got when I was in process.
It seems to me this is the point when many post-ops lose heart. We drew a huge source of motivation from the compliments (even if they made us uncomfortable sometimes). We depended on people rooting us on (it was, in part or whole, our accountability system). And we became very attached to our identity as, “ME: Person who is working to change their lives!” Now that we've lost weight, why aren't we happy?
For me the transition to after-the-after was rough, particularly when the scale stopped. If you ask 10 post-ops who are maintaining if they are happy with where the scale stopped, I’d wager a paycheck that at least eight of them will say no. They’ll say, “I’m happy where I am, but I could stand to lose X more pounds.” So it was with me. I was thrilled with my progress but wasn’t quite ready for it to end yet.
And my plateau was painful. I didn’t understand it. I was a gym rat. I measured my food to the calorie. I wore a BodyMedia Fit so I could have precise data on what I was burning. I drank my water. I took my vitamins. Yet there I was, stuck.
That’s where some other source of motivation might have been helpful! In the absence of it I developed a deep resentment. I mean why should I work hard for absolutely no results? Why should I fight so hard to say no to the Buffalo wings I clearly want to eat? Why should I down protein shakes instead of potato chips? Why should I break my neck at the gym if the scale is going to show me the same number week after week after week?
And that, new post-ops, is how regain can happen. (Because I know you’ve asked yourself that question.)
Having coped with regain, and being in the process of re-losing, I have some “after-the-after” tips I’d like to share, one post-op to another. These are things you can do even as a newer post-op and I hope they’ll help you keep your head in the game long-term.
- From the point you are cleared to exercise, never do something you don’t like in the name of losing weight. If you don’t like it you won’t want to keep doing it long-term. Instead, focus on things you like to do. If you like to dance, try Zumba. If you love your bicycle, do that. Nearly any physical activity can be converted into a calorie burning exercise, so pick what you like and do it!
- Don’t say “never again.” Not with food. Not with anything! The late Julia Childs said something that I treasure. “All things in moderation, including moderation.” I’m not encouraging folks to deviate from their plans. I’m just advising you not to tell yourself the story that you can never do, eat or say any particular thing ever again. It sets up a dichotomy where, the one time you do it, you feel like a failure. Failure begets failure. Success begets success.
- Find non-weight loss related goals. Many post-ops do races. I think that’s great because your race numbers have nothing to do with the scale. You can track your personal record, your mile time and a multitude of other things that will still propel you toward better health without focusing on a number on a scale. And as a bonus, these are successes you can keep having once you’ve reached your weight loss stopping point.
- Become a Phoenix. You’ve all heard of the mythical bird, right? When it’s time for a Phoenix to die, it bursts into flames and is then reborn from the ashes. This is to say that while I don’t think you should ever let yourself forget that you were once obese, you can’t live in that person’s skin forever. You also cannot drag that person around wherever you go. It will hold you back. So instead of creating an identity of someone who was once large and is now working toward being small, try one where you are someone who is living healthfully today, in the here and now.
- Discover what’s awesome about you. You are beautiful just the way you are! Everyone has things that make them unique and appealing. And it’s likely that many of those things have nothing to do with your body size. Discover what they are. Discover what you like. Find other people that like what you like. And take the chance to learn something new. The thrill you once got from seeing the scale tumble could easily be replaced by painting your first landscape canvas, or going zip-lining for the first time. Life is full of wonderful discoveries that have nothing to do with weight loss surgery!
In my estimation, like the example of marriage, it’s after the honeymoon ends that the hard work begins. I think that new Special K slogan sums up my thoughts well. Instead of focusing on losing, focus on what you gained from losing.
 | ABOUT THE AUTHOR Nikki Massie is the author of Bariatric Foodie, a website and online community that encourages weight loss surgery patients to “play with their food.” She is the author of three books: The Bariatric Foodie Guide to Perfect Protein Shakes, The Bariatric Foodie Holiday Survival Guide and The Bariatric Foodie Breakfast Book. Nikki lives Maryland with her boyfriend, 2 daughters, adorable Basset Hound & slightly high-maintenance black cat.Read more articles by Nikki! |
