Embracing The Extra You

One thing that we all seem to discuss when a group of us weight loss surgery patients get together is our excess skin. Where we have it, what bothers us about it, and what we plan to do about it. We pinch it, we grab it, we lift it, we obsess over it. And personally, I think it keeps us from being happy and fully embracing all of our success.

To the rest of the world this issue is kept secret. We wear support garments, loose fitting clothes and when people see us, they tell us how great we look, but we know what’s under those clothes and support garments. Even on TV, with shows like The Biggest Loser, the contestants first come on the show and they are paraded around practically naked so we can all be shocked at their hugeness. Have you ever noticed that as the weeks go by and they really start losing weight they start to put their clothes back on? Why? I thought this show was supposed to be about getting healthy. I thought we had surgery to be healthy.

I made the decision to have weight loss surgery in June of 2007. I was back up to my highest weight, 291 lbs, after another failed diet. My family and I had gone to an amusement park. I was miserable, I was embarrassed, but had to keep a smile on my face. Even though I had been well above 200 lbs for the past 10 years, it was not often that I “felt” my obesity. On this rare day, I was aware of every pound. In my mind, everyone in the park was looking at me, the fat girl, with a fit husband and two thin children. I felt like I had a big sign on my forehead that said, “FATTY!” and my husband was reading it right along with them. I decided that very day that I was going to have weight loss surgery. My mind was decided, but more importantly, my heart was.

Now, I would be a liar if I said that my decision to have weight loss surgery wasn’t at all about vanity. Yes, I wanted to be healthy. I didn’t want the hypertension I was acquiring at 29 years old to get out of control. And yes, I wanted to be there for my kids when they have their kids. But I was also tired of people staring at me and I was tired of feeling like a whale next to my husband. I wanted to feel pretty, not ashamed. So in February of 2008, I had RNY gastric bypass and have since lost 140 lbs.