Food to Numb Emotions

How to Stop Turning to Food to Numb Emotions

February 8, 2021

Turning to Food to Numb Emotions - “Numbing out”

We’ve all been there: the day has been long and exhausting, perhaps due to work stress, parenting frustrations, financial concerns, conflict with a loved one, or some combination of the above. You feel “at loose ends,” tired, yet agitated. Underlying this fatigue and agitation might be feelings of sadness, worry, anger, or pain. Without thought, you open the fridge or pantry and find something soothing to eat, perhaps chips, crackers, cookies, ice cream, or pasta. You continue to eat, “numbing away” the feelings of the day.  All of these demands are the reasons we use food to numb emotions.

While comforting at the time, the experience leaves you feeling terrible—not only guilty and ashamed but also physically uncomfortable. Does this sound familiar? Turning to food to numb emotions may work temporarily but it can derail your weight loss or maintenance.

Finding Real Soothing

Turning to food to numb emotions is very common. We are taught from an early age to associate food with comfort and joy (think of family dinners, holiday cookies, and birthday cake), and food is readily available. 

So, how can you break out of “autopilot eating” and find real soothing for your emotions, soothing that will leave you feeling comforted and content, rather than guilty and uncomfortable? To help my patients do this, I have developed four exploratory questions, questions to use anytime that you feel compelled to eat. 

Four Exploratory Questions to Avoid Using Food to Numb Emotions

Question #1

“Am I physically hungry or emotionally hungry?”

To answer this question, close your eyes, relax your body, and scan for signs of physical hunger: does your stomach feel hollow? Do you feel weak? Dizzy? Are you mildly nauseous? Don’t worry about what you’ve eaten so far today, what time it is, or what you “should” feel. Take your time and really listen to your body. Do you need food for fuel or are you turning to food to numb emotions?

Next, scan for signs of emotional hunger. Close your eyes, take some deep breaths, and attend to your internal experience. Do you feel agitated or “at loose ends?” Are you bored? Tired? Do you feel like yelling, crying, or lying down? Gently notice your emotional experience without judgment.

Question #2

If your answer to question #1 was emotionally hungry, then ask yourself, “What emotions am I experiencing right now?“

Again, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and notice your emotions. What are you feeling right now? Are you feeling lonely or depressed? Anxious or angry? Do you feel bored? Are you exhausted? Let your feelings wash over you- really experience them- and meet these feelings with compassion.  Place your hand on your heart and send yourself some warmth and love.

Question #3

If your answer to question #1 was emotionally hungry, then ask yourself, “What can I do right now to soothe myself that does not involve food?”

Again, close your eyes, take deep breaths, and notice your emotional experience. What are you needing right now? Do you need support or connection with others? Would a call or visit with a loved one feel good?  Do you need rest and relaxation? Would it feel good to lie down or take a nap? Do you need nurturing? Would it feel good to meditate, walk in nature, or take a warm shower? Do you need to express a feeling such as anger? Would it feel good to express your anger verbally or in writing?   Do you need to cry? 

Let your feelings wash over you- really experience them- and let them tell you what you need.  If you find yourself having trouble identifying your feelings or needs, you might consider enlisting the help of a therapist.  A qualified therapist can help you identify your feelings—and how to express them in healthy ways.

Question #4

If your answer to question #1 is physically hungry, then ask yourself, “What is my body truly craving?“

Think carefully about the foods below and actually imagine yourself eating them. How would they feel in your body? Which one(s) is your body craving in order to feel nourished right now? If you truly listen to your body, you will find that it craves a healthy combination of the foods listed below:

  • Fruits (e.g., oranges, bananas, grapes)
  • Vegetables (e.g., salad, carrots, broccoli)
  • Protein (e.g., nuts, eggs, beans, meat)
  • Dairy (e.g., cottage cheese, a yogurt smoothie)
  • Carbohydrates (e.g., a sweet potato, regular potato, pasta)
  • Whole grains (e.g., whole grain bread, whole grain crackers)
  • Liquids, as thirst is often mistaken for hunger (e.g., water, milk)

Turning to Food to Numb Emotions - Your Take-Away

Once you have identified what your body is craving, mindfully eat whatever you are craving. Eat slowly and really notice the sight, smell, taste, and texture of your food. Thoroughly enjoy your food. Continue eating until you feel satisfied. How can you determine when you’re satisfied? My favorite way to determine this is to ask yourself this question: do you have a sense of fullness, but could still comfortably dance or take a brisk walk?

As you’re mindfully eating, periodically check-in with yourself and ask this question. When you reach this point, stop eating and mindfully enjoy the satisfying sensation. Know that you will eat again soon, whenever your body signals that it is physically hungry once more.

Our lives are complex, busy, and full of experiences that cause big emotions, including stress. The next time you find yourself turning to food to numb emotions, I truly hope that these questions help you find the real soothing that you deserve. 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tanie Miller Kabala, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist and integrative wellness coach who specializes in treating weight loss surgery patients. She wrote her book, The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion:  A Practical Guide to Coping with Post-Surgery Emotions to help patients navigate the emotional journey of weight loss surgery. Read more articles by Tanie!