its that time again

on 2/23/12 10:43 am - colchester, CT
RNY on 03/30/04 with
well its that time again.
our 8 year anniversary.
as usual i am struggling with the weight. i had maintained at 176 for a few years but since i had developed low blood sugar i've ballooned between 183 to 186 and am horrified by it.
and terrified that the scale is going to go up and up and up back to the 300 mark.
i'm  eating the healthiest i ever have in my whole life but its very difficult to not gain with having to eat every 3 hours  or get sick.  i keep healthy snacks and meals but the calories just add up.
i no longer drink decaf coffee  jus****er here.
protein is a must for me and good carbs.
a treat is a sugar free popsicle but not too many of them cause my body thinks its real sugar and then bingo have a low blood sugar episode. which i hate so i'm very careful about those.
yes its a struggle but i do it every day.
the surgery did not make me have this illness i had it before and developed it from somethig stupid i had done. its inthe past and truthfully except for the weight i feel very good right now.
i'm tall so even though my weght is not what it was at my lowest i'm wearibg size 14. thats actually a normal size. its not what i had been wearing an i have a spare closet filled with lovely outfits that i refuse to get rid of becasue while i'm struggling i am also trying very hard to low just 20 pounds! that 20 pounds will et me wear some of them again.
also i need to excersize. not good at that. but agan i'm working on it!
we can alwasy improve ourselves rigth?
the biggest thing i did to improve myself happend almost 8 years ago on march 30th.
would i do it again
yes. in a heart beat.
i'm alive now becasue of it and i will live longer too.
this past 8 years has seen me grow. i've because one hell of a woman! much stronger than i ever thought i'd be and i just keep getting stronger.
i'm in a great relationship i have a great job. nice home good car.
i'vehad some sadness my mother passed away this year.
but i've also had some great happiness - my first and only grandchild lilttle Lillian named after her great grandma who loved her so much turned 1 year old in november.
what will the next 8 years bring?
hum don't know!
I hope all are well.
good luck and god bless.
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