Family Reaction - a HUGE disappointment!

on 11/11/09 1:48 am
So, this past weekend I had to be in Orlando for my baby cousin's Bat Mitzvah (okay, she's not a baby...but she's my cousin's child).  My family, other than my brother and sis-in-law, had no knowledge of my recent weight loss and no knowledge of my surgery.  I specifically did not "friend" my cousin's husband on Facebook several months ago when he sent a request because I didn't want my family to see pictures.  I wanted to wait for the "grand entrance" this past weekend.  All of my blood related relatives were less than enthusiastic.  I mean, they were happy for me and could see a difference (it's been 4 1/2 years since I've seen most of them), but "eh". 

My father (who I do not have a relationship with) is my brother's real estate agent.  If mom and I wanted to see the house he and his wife are in the process of buying, the real estate agent had to let us in.  So, I got to see "dear ole dad".  He noticed and told me how great I looked.  Okay, so he's the 1 blood relative who was "excited". 

My mom's friend, of 35 years, and who knows I had surgery and has seen the pics, was just "ga-ga" over me.  Couldn't get over how great I looked.  And the pics don't tell the whole story.

My aunt's friends, of 50 years, told me how great I looked...and the husband had one simple word for me... "HOT"

My cousin's in-laws (so I guess they are my in-laws by proxy) noticed immediately and told me how great I looked.

My cousin's husband redeemed himself by coming up to me Saturday am and saying he was so busy Friday night, he forgot to say something, but I looked fabulous!

Assorted friends of my aunt and mom all were very excited about how I looked.

My aunt was excited, but not as excited as I thought she would be and it was almost a phoney excitement.

I get better responses at work, on a daily basis, from strangers than I did my family.

This got me to thinking...the people who were really NOT excited for me were my brother, sister-in-law, and my cousin.  During the weekend, I found all 174 pounds I've brother, sister-in-law, and cousin apparently found them!  All 3 of these people are at the heaviest weights I've ever seen them at.  Maybe this is why they weren't overly excited?  Maybe they are jealous?

Whatever the reason, you can't pick your family.  I look fantastic and I know it, and even flaunt it.  I seem to be having no body concept issues whatsoever.  While I didn't need them to tell me how fantastic I look, it would have been nice.  It's been a long road (I've been significantly overweight all my life) and it's taken a lot of hard work to get to where I am.  I have less than 90 pounds to get to what I think will be my goal weight.  I've never only been 90 pounds from a weight goal.  So, I would have appreciated their excitement and enthusiasm.  Oh well! 


Highest Weight/Surgery Weight/Current Weight/Goal
on 11/11/09 2:25 am - Lawton Ft Sill, OK
I'm sorry for your disappointment over their reaction. Maybe they are just wishing it was them!
Congrats on your success!

     I  MY RNY 5-5-09    Life is Good
       myxferadd.jpg picture by mikeysbrightstarboobies.gif picture by mikeysbrightstar

on 11/11/09 6:54 pm - Brevard, NC
I, too, am sorry for their response.  I know exactly how you feel.  I had my 6 month checkup with my syrgeon yesterday and  have lost 70 lbs.  The people there were very satisfied and said I was doing great.  I had a body scan for muscle to fat ratios and it wasn't too bad--they were concerned about some muscle loss and upped my protein amount per day.  Otherwise everything was fine.   I lost 21 lbs during that 3 months.  I am up to walking 2 miles a day.  My fat to muscle ratio has dropped 8 points.  

 Amongst all this at the surgeon's office, my husband, when he heard of the amount lost, said "Wow, you have really plateaued--not much loss since last time (in August)".  What a downer.  So in a couple of seconds, I went from feeling really good and optimistic to depressed and hopeless.  That really ticks me off.  That one sentence can make that much difference in how I feel about myself is a sign of just how precarious this whole thing is.

He says that he just forgot the last amount and thought it was 70 lbs in August, so there was no change.  While I believe him (that its an honest mistake),  I am not buying it.  If that's what he thought, he should have shut up.  Just because it was an honest mistake, does not make the let-down go away.  Apparently he can not see the difference.  Anyway, this is going to take some work to get beyond the disappointment, and I hate that.  I don't want to do more work on that kind of stuff.  I have enough problems with diet and exercise--I don't need subterfuge as well. 

So I feel your pain, and perhaps I should have put this in the rants forum.  Thanks for being here.
on 11/11/09 8:47 pm
That was a rotten thing for your husband to say!  I guess we just feel like our families are supposed to support us and be thrilled for ALL our victories and there to help us pick up the pieces during the defeats...yet, they aren't always there in the way we want or need them to be.

I work in a high school.  I had my surgery at the very end of the school year.  At that time, I had already lost 70 pounds...but that was over a period of 15 months.  So, there were some people who knew I was losing weight (and fewer who knew I was preparing for surgery) and those people were supportive.  When we came back in August, EVERYONE was like WOW!  Not a day goes by at school that someone doesn't say something.  As the speech-language pathologist at a high school, I'm like the "red-headed step-child".  Most regular ed teachers have no idea who I am or what I do.  Well, with the weight loss, I've had teachers who I had no idea knew who I was not only tell me how great I looked, but also called me by name!  All these people at work are more excited than my family.

My mom called my aunt on Monday or Tuesday to tell her we arrived home safe and sound and what a great time we had.  Mom said my aunt was really happy about the weight loss and everything though I "shouldn't lose anymore weight in my face".  ROFL!  yeah, right, like, I have any control over that!  FAMILY!

Highest Weight/Surgery Weight/Current Weight/Goal
Kelly S.
on 11/16/09 9:17 pm
Yes, family. At four months out (my Mother hasn't seen me in two years) she asked me how much weight I'd lost so far and I said 80 pounds.  She said, hmmm I would have thought it would be more than that.....  So there you go, family.

20 pounds lost during two week pre-op diet.

on 11/16/09 9:47 pm
I'm VERY LUCKY in the mom department.  She's disabled and lives with me.  She has been my biggest support since the beginning.  She was ready to close out her entire retirement account to pay for surgery.  I wouldn't take the money until I exhausted all other avenues.  Fortunately, I fought the State (I'm a school system employee) and won!  I think she's living vicariously through me.  She tried to have the surgery about 6 or 7 years ago and the insurance company was dragging their feet, so she gave up.  So, mom-wise, I'm great.  And friend-wise, I'm great!  I had a few friends who were concerned about me having the surgery, but seeing my results and realizing that I'm not treating this as a magic bullet cure, they've come around.

Highest Weight/Surgery Weight/Current Weight/Goal
Char-Ree C.
on 12/27/09 11:18 pm - Pahrump, NV
 Maybe they are jealous?
on 1/23/10 9:42 am
Maybe talking about a lady's weight at all, even for the positive, is a bit awkward for people who haven't seen you in a while. Taboo, and all that.
on 1/24/10 1:49 am
In my family?  No!  Though that's a nice thought.  Trust me, my family never had any problems telling me I needed to lose weight and make jabs for most of my life.  I really just think it was envy.  Here I am, the heaviest one on the family for most of my life and I've finally taken control...and they all "let themselves go".

Highest Weight/Surgery Weight/Current Weight/Goal
on 2/4/10 3:46 pm
I have found that some people have gotten so used to you being the BIG girl that when you start to change it make them feel ( I don't know rather its jealousy or insecure) about themselves. That is my experience.
Most Active
Recent Topics
anyone on?
losing_it86 · 5 replies · 1235 views
onyxmann · 5 replies · 1224 views
How is everyone?
EOD WIFE · 3 replies · 1029 views
132lbs gone!
thisxtooxshallxpass · 7 replies · 933 views