Self Sabotage??

on 4/4/12 11:05 pm - LA
So we are all out about 8 months.  This weekend, I hit the lowest weight I have been in the last 10 years think once before in my adult life I have gotten a little lighter but not much.  I have about 10 to 20 pounds left to lose.  So close!! so, someone tell me why yesterday I managed to eat like 10 pieces of candy (I am talking the tiny pieces, not full size bars, that come in bags)??  Now this was over the whole day but I did feel it.  Yes, I am one of those ones who can tolerate sweets which has always been my weakness. 

So last night at group, I started talking about how when I have done this (it has happened before) I just feel so guilty, like I am failing.  then I started thinking--is is possible that I am sabotaging my self?  Could it be that I am afraid to be a healthy weight? My whole life I have been heavy, but I NEVER let it interfere with my life. I always did what I wanted to.  I dated, married, danced.  My reason for doing the surgery was mainly to get rid of my type two diabetes. I need to get inside my head and figure out why I am doing this why I am falling back on old habits and more importantly, how can I stop?! My subconscious may be scared of being at goal weight, but my conscious is scared of going back to 250 pounds (my highest ever weight).  

Early on after surgery, my group helped me figure out that I lost weight normally under stressful times.  it was a way to control my environment when all hell was breaking loose around me (at the time of both of my divorces). I gain weight when I am happy and content and life is perfect.  this is the first time ever that I am losing while happy in my life!!

I figured since this board has people who had surgery around the time I did, that maybe y'all might have some thoughts and insight. 

sorry this is so long, but I really would appreciate any thoughts you have, or sharing your experiences with me.  Thanks!
I'm Ready!
Marcia B.
on 4/13/12 7:30 am - CA
I can relate... I too found that I will sabotage myself out of fear mostly.  Fears of being at goal weight and how hard will it be not to gain... Fear of not having my junk food again... fears and more fears.  But you know what I have started doing... is not to think of self-sabotaging myself.  Instead of saying NO I can NEVER have candy again  - I tell myself if I have gotten in all my water and my protein and I worked out even if it was only walking I will let myself have a treat.  Do I do this everytime... nope..I usually now let myself have treats not because of trying to make myself feel better but because I want a piece of candy.  I told use to eat candy daily and now that I have given myself the go ahead to have candy but I can only do it once every week (SMALL candy) or once every 3 weeks , I now find I don't over-indulge.  It's like saying Nothing is off limits so I don't feel like I am deprived... or HAVE to have it.  Now I know I can have it, but I just don't want it right now kinda thing.  

  So I guess I am saying maybe it's time to change your old habits by like we have been doing all along adopting new ones :)  My nut told me in the beginning that I can eat 80% good during the week and 20% bad during the week if I want.  I find that I usually end up eating less bad stuff and more good stuff because I don't see food like it's an all or nothing thing anymore... I can have some if I want some... :) good luck girl and you are doing great!
Philippians 4:13 -  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
on 4/22/12 9:55 am - Durham, NC
Hi Shannon, I have found that I am a lot harder on myself as well. My motivating factor for undergoing RNY was because I thought the weightloss would help with my pcos and I just recently found out that it has had no affect whatsoever. I know, it sucks monkey ballz!!!!! I try not to keep thinking about it and focus on other things, I hate someone or something telling me I can't do something I want to do. But not until recently have I been able to look at the better side of things my blood pressure is finally normal, I get a lot less headaches and I look great. I don't really eat alot of sweets the whole dumping syndrome scenario, although I've never experienced it has scared me into submission, the horror and embarassment of it all....don't think I could forgive myself when I knew what the most possible outcome would be. I get tempted and taste but I chicken out and give the rest away haven't tried ice cream milkshakes or even alot of cakes. scared of icing lol. BUT those are not my weaknesses I love pasta and bread like fresh rolls and krispy kreme donuts oh yes ur girl is on it... HARD. After i have my fix do I feel guilt not really, its not an everyday thing just when the mood hits me. I still haven't experienced hunger/cravings since the surgery, don't really crave alot unless I see it but most of the time what I see looks better than it tastes or will affect me. Haven't really thrown up as much either just when it doesn't go down as well or I just don't like it. So sabotage no I jsut think your realizing you have a responsibility for yourself and you feel it moreso now than before because you took this step. Don't feel guilty, its a lifelong decision with a lifelong's learning experience
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.?
Anaïs Nin

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