4 yr Bandiversary 8-6-07

(deactivated member)
on 8/7/07 2:55 pm - Genoa City, WI
I got an email from OH a couple days ago saying Happy Anniversary! Took me a moment to realize wow....I completely forgot until I got this email. My bandiversary completely went past me, not even a glimpse of it or a thought in my brain. I'm not at goal, I'm no where near goal. Granted, I'm still down 60+lbs.....but I would have thought I'd be at goal already. My port has broken twice. I've been diagnosed with not only the Insulin Resistance, but with PCOS too...and I feel like everything is a battle. I can eat the things I'm supposed to, and exercise 1 hour per day, and I still bounce up and down the same 6lbs. Those same 6 dreaded pounds that if they would just disappear would put me in the next ten bracket. Why can't they just disappear? Do they not realize that their persistance is breaking me? That they are my fears rising, my pain pronouncing itself yet again? My friends tell me that I weigh too much, I weigh too often....you're sabotaging yourself. Ok...some theories say weigh once a week...some every couple weeks.....some say that one daily weigh in is good as it keeps you in check. I agree with the latter...if I didn't weigh every day... I would have already climbed back up on the numbers and felt further defeated. I just feel lost. Broken. I know that I've lost 60+lbs, and I've kept those off for 4 years....but what about the other 90-100 I want to lose? Why can't I seem to break thru the hurdle and get moving? I eat perfect, I stay the same... I eat poorly, I stay the same. I've decided to call in and get another fill adjustment. I don't have much room left per CC's.... I know it can hold a little more than what the manufacturer lists it at.....but right now I'm at 3.75CC's.... Will the next .1 or .15 make a difference? Please tell me it will. Please tell me that the little bit can make a difference, and might, just might make a difference in breaking what seems to be an eternal plateau.
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