I'm so ashamed, 6yrs out!

on 7/12/14 2:50 am

I am so ashamed, being 6yrs out and have gained back 70lbs.  I can give all the excuses in the book but bottom line I wasn't careful - started eating larger portions, started drinking, completed menopase and here I am, and I have no one to blame but myself.  I want to lose weight and do better but I don't even know how to start.  My RNY dr stopped practicing, and I haven't tried to find another dr as I'm so ashamed and embarrassed.  I don't have any support from family as they are disappointed in me and I can't blame them.  I need to get out of this hell whole and want too just need to know how do I start now?

(deactivated member)
on 7/12/14 3:52 am
Revision on 02/06/15

Hi Lisa,

First off, you are not alone. I had VBG in 2001 and am now 20 pounds heavier than I started back then. At one point, 16 months ago, I was 70 pounds heavier.  I felt helpless, like a failure, and the disappointment others had in me - just made things worse.

What I can tell you is that one day I decided enough was enough. You posted, so I'm guessing today is your day. Right?

I can't be sure about you, but for me I was making the issue out to be HUGE. It wasn't once I started focusing on developing good lifestyle habits (that would support weight loss) rather than focusing on the numbers on the scale.

I started by doing things I knew in could do. Small things. Record everything that goes in my mouth - so I could make that a habit in my life.  Once consistent, I lowered my calorie target by 200 cals. Later I lowered it again.  Each time the goals were small positive things that, once mastered, I built on. Those successes really helped me feel better.

Your friends and family? Do they love you? If so, they only care and that's ok. They aren't your judges (you're already doing that job). They are your cheering squad. And as they see your new habits making a difference, they'll be smiling in no time.

I think people make a mistake when they tackle the issue as a whole. It's like those New Years Resolutions that never pan out like we expect. 

on 7/14/14 8:51 pm - CT

One place you can start is by attending a support group. Your surgeon may no longer be in practice but there are many other surgeons in the state. Many hospitals have support group meetings on a regular basis and they are open to patients from other practices.  Not sure what part of the state you are from but check for these groups.  No questions asked and you will find others that are struggling as well.


on 7/21/14 8:34 am - East Haven, CT

Please do be ashamed.  Start small.  Start maybe walking, then try to restart a good eating program.  Today happens to be my 10 yr WLS anniversary, and I am at my lowest weight.  That being said, please know that, at one point, I had gained back 20 lbs.  It scared me to death.  I started exercising again, and removed all bread, pasta, rice, and that type of carb food from my diet.  I also eliminated sugar.  What I did do, was "treated" myself to some type of one of these items on the weekend, and then got back on track again.  Don't give up on YOU.  You are so worth it.  I don't know where your located, but Yale has a great WLS program.  Dr. Bell is no longer there, but Dr. Duffy is and there are others, who will help.  Good luck and always feel free to reach out to all of us here!


on 7/26/14 1:07 am

I sit here with tears welling up with so much care and support you all have given me.  I've been my own worst enemy and enough is enough.  I guess I just needed to know it wasn't too late and I wasn't alone and thanks to all of you I know that now.  I feel like a weight has been lifted, no pun intended.  I have found a new dr and have an appt in a few weeks and I'm going to start attending a support group as I know I can use all the support I can get.  I've also found someone to go walking with, so I'm very excited and encouraged.  Thank you all so very much and GOD bless you all for being so nice!


on 8/5/15 6:59 am - Waterbury, CT

I'm sorry that this note is so late although I check often on O H  I always forget to check my home state. I am so glad that you had people respond to you and be so supportive. I know that if you just start taking little steps you will be on the road to success real soon...prob by the time you even read this. Everyone gave you awesome advice. I am 4 and 1/2 years out from my surgery and attend a weekly support group which helps a lot and I have made very supportive friends there. We meet for walks and talk often between groups. I hope you will be gentler with yourself and go on from here...Good luck!!

(deactivated member)
on 5/18/17 3:01 pm, edited 5/23/17 4:04 am

Kmbella, wondering if the support group still meets? I am in Xxx next to xxx and would love to join. I had surgery 9 years ago and recently back on track battling regain of 40 lbs. I lost 130 lbs in May 2008 but fell off wagon slowly over past couple years. Trying to immerse myself in support now. Love this online group and found a good one at Griffin Hospital that I attended.

thank you

on 5/20/17 6:13 am - Waterbury, CT


Yes the support group that I attend is ongoing and still meets weekly. There are 2 groups on Mondays one at noon and the other at 6 p.m. They are held at Family Intervention Center 203 753 2153. You would have to call to talk to someone about joining and of course they are closed next monday because of Memorial Day. I urge you to call and join us I would love to meet you in person!

(deactivated member)
on 5/20/17 10:15 am, edited 5/23/17 4:05 am


Thank you very much!

Support groups are the one thing I didn't have and key. I just went this morning to A support group at Griffin Hospital in Derby and it was great. I am signed up for another on Monday same time as one you mention yours is. Griffin Hospital has 3 a month on a Saturday, one Monday and one Wednesday. Today was my 2nd one I have attended. I plan to call the number you gave and catch that one the Monday after Memorial Day. I look forward to meeting you. Great that it meets weekly! Is the evening meeting more people then afternoon?

thanks for all

on 5/20/17 2:41 pm - Waterbury, CT


Glad you enjoyed the support group at Griffin hospital! Would love to meet you at the support group on Mondays! The groups vary...sometimes we have quite a few people at either one and some days just a few. Weather plays a big part and now that it is starting to get nice out sometimes people are on vacation or fixing up their yard! However it is usually pretty steady not too large not too small. I will tell the leader to be on the lookout for someone to be calling and hpe to see you after Memorial day!

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