1 year surgical Anniversary and concurring "The walk of Shame"
I know I havent posted much as of late, work and life getting in the way, lol, thats a good thing.
It’s been a year from when I had another event that changed the course of my life. I’m one year out and have to admit that I’m happy with what I have lost but NOT happy with how much I haven’t lost, if that makes any sense at all.
I started this journey at 298 lbs; I just say 300 I’m sure I was there if not hire before WLS. I thought by now that I would be to goal, but I know that I have been sabotaging myself for losing more than what I have. I bounce back and forth between the 170 – 180 and it makes me sad, depressed and I feel like a failure, but I have to keep reminding myself that I’m not a failure, I am just not using my “tool” the way I should be using it. I read how many carbs that others eat, and I know I don’t eat that many BUT then eating what I do may just be ME and what’s NOT working for what my body needs, so I’m working hard on only 50 g’s of carbs a day and WOW I’m amazed at how fast they do rack up.
When I had surgery, I walked out of the hospital 24 hours after I went in, my Dr was amazing, he had and has never had a patient do this. I guess I knew that I HAD to get up and get moving to go home. I have had a few surgeries (C – Sections, and a TAC pleased that where all done abdominally) where I knew what was expected, get up and MOVE. The nurses I had the first day where amazed that I was doing laps 2 hrs after I woke up, I told them I wanted to go home and that was my goal. I also knew that the sooner and more you move less complications you have. So I left the hospital at 6 pm the next night. Really haven’t had any problems senses, except the CARB MONSTER… I have my bathroom issues, but then who doesn’t.
I do have to say that for the first 4 or so weeks I was thinking “What in the “F” have I done to myself?” However I found the advice from the Vets was right on; “This too shall pass.” Thank you for those wise words of advice and all advice, support, just everything, it’s been very helpful and needed.
BUT let’s focus on the good, the things I can do that I couldn’t a year ago:
1 – I have to say that I LOVE having a lower thermostat, that when everyone around me is hot and sweating, I am at times, “just right” or even cold. It was 95 here yesterday everyone was saying how hot they were, I was just right. Ha, ha!
2 – I think one of the things I just can’t wrap my brain around is shopping, you know when you go into JCP/Wal-Mart/Target any of these types of stores and you go looking in the clothing section and you can’t walk through the maze without touching everything around you, well, it’s so weird that I don’t have to figure out how I’m going to get throw that maze and make sure I don’t “touch” or “rub” against anyone/thing. Just amazes me that I don’t have to think about this anymore.
3 – The energy I have, I love being able to keep up with my 5 yr old and doing things with her that I have missed out on doing by being a Bigger/Fatter person.
4 – Just over all how good I feel. That is what is most amazing.
5 – One of the most amazing WOW’s was when my Princess told me I was SKINNY, and hugged me, this brought tears to my eyes and still dose as I think about it. I never wanted to be one of those parents that their child was “ashamed” of that was overweight, and I knew that if things didn’t change that maybe not today but years from now, she would feel that shame if I didn’t change.
6 –I had a HUGE WOW yesterday; just over 2 yrs ago I had to do the “walk of shame”, too big to fit on the ride, so I had to get off.
We have an amusement park here, Lagoon, which has rides and that. We’ll about 2.5 yrs ago, my DH wanted to go on the old Roller Coaster ride, I was like OK, when I got in to sit down and pull the lap belt down to lock it in, I could not get it to lock, I was to big no matter how I tried I couldn’t get it to lock and I had to get up and walk off the ramp with people watching me, knowing that I was too fat to due up the lap belt, “The Walk of Shame”. Needless to say that hurt and I have never forgotten it. Yesterday I went back to Lagoon, haven’t been back there sense, and my sister (whom is miss Skinny Minnie and I love her dearly) went with me to make good on that walk of shame. When I got in my seat I kind of hyperventilated thinking that it was going to happen again, but it didn’t and I closed my eyes for the first part of the ride and just enjoyed life… No MORE walk of shame for me. I am sure there are lots of you who understand this and know what I’m talking about.
7 – When I had surgery I was wearing a size 24, I have bounced back and forth between 20 and 24 for years. I think the smallest I can ever remember myself being is a 12 and that was when I was 14 and a freshman in High School. Today I am a 10 – 12, and OK with that FOR NOW. Not where I want to get or be today, but I’m realizing that I am far better off where I am now than a year ago.
This has been an amazing ride, with a lot of ups and downs, and it’s been great. As time moves forward I have been working harder on getting my water and my protein in. Not a fan of the shakes but I realize that they give me the protein and the fullness I need for the day, so I do 2 scoops 4 oz of water, hold my noise and drink it fast. I am VERY VERY faithful on taking my Vitamin’s DAILY! It’s a must; I just wish I could get my DH to do the same (he had the RNY 7.5 yrs ago.).
For the most part I am happy with where I am, I’m thrilled that I got the DS over the RNY, when I started looking into WLS I had never heard of the DS, and after my first meeting I did lots of research and I have never looked back.
Life is good and wonderful, I only wish to reach goal, and stop sabotaging myself with those evil carbs. Lol I do work out, we’ll walk/run, I want to join a Gym but for now do not have the funds. Did by season passes to the amusement park, Lagoon for me and my Princess and so far we walk our asses off or I push her in the jogging stroller, figured it’s a great way to get some exercise in and have fun too.
To the Vet’s, THANK YOU, well Thank you to all of you, you have inspired me and lifted me when I have needed it.
HW/SW/CW/GW 346/335/183/150 5'4.25"
Thank you, yes a 10/12 is not bad and I tell myself that, thank you for re-enforcing that positvie note, it means a lot.
And pic's when I get home tonight, promise. They are on FB if you want to look, well some I'm not a big "love to have my picture" taken type person, I like to hide or run away from the camara.
on 6/30/11 12:38 am
This is no way a Walk of Shame!
You lost over 120 pounds in a year!
And, for what it's worth - I started at the same weight as you. At my one year anniversary I weighed 170 pounds. Today, my 19 month anniversary, I weigh 145 pounds.
It's not a race. Some people make it to goal fast. Some do it slowly. Some worry they've lost too much. Some never make it to a normal BMI (but still have massie weight loss).
Celebrate what you're accomplished, and know that you can and likely will lose more. And if you dont, you've still made it! Weighing 170-180 pounds is fantastic wow!
