On the bench, doing well in some regards and not so well in others...long rant

So my surgery was Tuesday and I had a rough couple days in the hospital, my asthma decided to act up and it was a real pain until the staff decided halfway through Wednesday that maybe an inhaler was a good idea...things got better after that but man did that coughing hurt.

Since coming home the pain hasn't been too bad, they only sent me home with Children's tylenol so I guess I just have to suck it up lol.

My biggest issue has been my husband.  Tuesday morning he threw a temper tantrum, screaming and yelling at me for everything he could think of.  He wouldn't sit with me in the waiting room, he stood in the hall and chatted with other people.  The surgeons' couldn't find him to tell him I was in recovery.  I was moved to my room about 7:15 and he was on his way home by 7:30.  He didn't come in at all on Wednesday, eventhough he only works 10 mins away and then got mad at me when I wasn't available when he called Wednesday night at 9 (I had just finished a round of pain killers and a round of gravol because I was really nauseous).  My dad picked my up yesterday and drove me to my mom's (she's a nurse) because I didn't want to waste a day without pay for my hubby and he was 45 mins late picking me up (and the kids)!  No excuse, no apology just late and because he was mad that I said anything he was really rough around corners and at stop signs and actually went up over the curb into our driveway.  I cuddled with my kids and then it took me walking the little girls upstairs and actually starting the bath for him to get up off of his butt and put them in it, all the while screaming at everyone.  This morning he woke me at 7 to ask what time the kids have to be at school and if the little girls were going to daycare...our kids have been in this school for 6 years and the hours have never changed and he was there when I drove them to school on Tuesday.  I came downstairs and asked if he could drive me to pick up a few groceries because I didn't but a couple items on the list (oat bran and jello lol) that I didn't think I would want but they sounded good when I woke up and he lost his mind screaming at me that I should have been more prepared.  We got home and he offered to make me breakfast, consisting of 1/4c oat bran with milk, 1/4c yogurt and 1/3c protein drink, he flipped that there were no clean measuring cups and then that there were no directions on the protein shake container (they were clearly there) and then screamed at me that I would just have to make my own food from now on because I obviously have issues with his measurements (after he handed me a whole bowl of oat bran which is 1 1/3c) and stormed out to get himself coffee.  I have a doctors appointment in 20 mins to check my blood pressure and heart rate because they had trouble keeping it down in the hospital and couldn't figure out why...I think I've figured it out...stress.
My friends and children and parents have been great, my friend who does my daycare walked her daycare kids over to pick up my little girls this morning not realizing my hubby was home, when I called her crying about his freak out over breakfast she offered to make me lunch, she is getting her ex to drive my kids to an activity tonight because obviously I can't rely on my hubby.  I have never felt more unloved in my entire life.

oh my god, what an ass! i'm so sorry that you have to deal with his immaturity and selfish behaviour! He deserves a verbal slap upside the head.

I wish i could help. I know that you likely don't have too much energy right now to deal with this. I hope that his behaviour improves.

Ummmm.......... wow. Speechless, other than your husband is a ******g asshole.

Edited to add: Sorry. I spoke really harshly. Just taken aback. xo

you said what i thought, Karen.

First off - . 

Second - I think there must be something else going on here, unless he is usually this selfish.  I know you can't deal with it now as you must rest and heal.  Maybe he will come around.  But you definately need to tell him how is making you feel - and sooner than later.

Good Luck to you - we are all here for you - and Hey - Congrats on the surgery - you have made the most important decision of your life - good for you!

Take Care - thinking of you-

Ann

Is it possible to take your kids and stay with your parents?  Seriously.  This sounds quite abusive, and I'm worried that it will escalate to something beyond screaming.  Even if it doesn't, screaming is abusive enough.

I lived with someone like this, and I was so much better off when I got out.  I hope this is something you might be able to do too, if and when you're ready.

yep, he eeds a smuck upside the head!! But as other poster said perhaps there is somethig else going on.  I was in hospitol for a while in January, when i came home i expected a warm welcome (hubby normaly very attentive) and a nice supper ect.  instead we had a fight, and i felt very lonely.  After kids went to bed, i adreessed how i was feeling.  turns out there had been so much foucus on me and my health, he was oing it all, kids meals, work, house stuf, trying to keep it normal for everyone else, that he orgot to take care of himself, and his emtions on what happened to me.  He was scared and tired, and it came out as resentment and frustration.  It appears somtimes mn are nt so sure how to act/behave towars those they love when they feel helpless.  hope this is just a passing thing for the 2 of you, and a good chat maybe will help.  if all esle fails, a good cast iron frying pan should do the trick! Best of luck, please remember to take care of yourself durg this, and don't give in to his pity party.  you need rest, and support

 Wow, how awful of him!!!!  Karen nailed tha one!!!!!  What an ass

Hello and welcome to the Bench!!

I was so taken back by your story. My ex husband was a very abusive man and I thank god daily that I had the courage and strength to leave him. The words in your letter sounded so familiar to what my life was like back then that I could have written your letter. He sounds like a real "kick-em when you're down" kind of person. I know you love this man so please believe me when I say I'm not judging you. 

I want to remind you that your life is worth it, you are worth it. You didn't deserve his wrath, your children don't deserve his nonsense either.

 Try to keep in mind that as you loss weight and start to feel better about yourself you in all likely-hood with become empowered, this may heighten his "abusive" behavior and make it worse as you become stronger in his eyes.

I wish you well on your weight loss journey and I hope your hubby smartens up

I care,
Ann   

YA what Karen said and what Monica was thinking...........................

I hope things change with him and when you do have the energy you need to deal with this.

Hugs, hope you have a good day