Severe depression

Hi all, well my jtube which gives me the water and tube feeding I need to survive has a hole in it. I'm supposed to go to the hospital today to have a new one put in. I feel like vie been on this path so long I don't know what to hold on to anymore. I love my husband and my son, I just can't enjoy anything. Not to mention, my previous surgeon had me on such high levels of painkillers that I'm now physically addicted to them and the withdrawal hurts like a ***** Our insurance changed today( husband switched companies), but I don't know the name of the insurance company or anything so I'm can't schedule myself to see a dr until I know that information. I feel so trapped. All I want is to sleep all day and all night. Being awake is too much to handle. Sorry for the really depressing down post. One day, hopefully, I'll be happy again and can have good things to talk about.

So sorry you are going through all this!  Prayers headed your way...

Such a sad situation! I know it seems there is no end in sight, but I pray you turn a corner very soon! Please don't feel bad about your posts. We all want to hear from you, and how you are doing. We are all waiting for that post when you say, " I am doing great!" because I know it is coming!

You have been through so damn much it would be strange if you weren't depressed!  I can't imagine all the horrors that you're going through but you have my prayers that things will start to get better soon.

Wow, I don't know your story, but you have been through so much.  I can imagine it is all I would want to do too.  Can you see a therapist to help you cope through this rough time.  I guess you will need to find out about your new insurance, but it might be really helpful when you can.  I didn't have complications from my VSG, but still I have found the best thing for my weight loss has been therapy.

Never apologize for being honest. You have been through so much. and as others have posted, we want updates from you!
It sounds like you were able to switch surgeons? Hopefully this will bring healing and recovery. Keep hanging on. We are thinking about you, praying for you and loving you!

You will be happy again but you must believe it, you must see it.  See yourself healed.  See yourself moving on in life.  Create a moving picture.  Lose all doubt.  Don't accept the negative.  You will heal.  You will keep your stomach.  You will get strong.  You are strong.  You need to be here and well for your child, your husband, your family, your friends, your life!!!  Remember why you did this in the first place and take all of that back - you need to be living. 

xo,
Leila

Hold on, hold on!

so sorry your going through this. I hope you get through this soon so you can enjoy life and your path again.    prayers to you

I know what you are going thru. My living hell lasted about 8 weeks (much less than yours). I had a gastric leak, needed a 2nd surgery, with stents and Jejunostomy tube feedings for the next month. The stent healed me up in 4 weeks. My surgeon was very aggressive, made me start tube feedings right away, gave me max doses of antibiotics, and tossed my rear end out of bed and out walking the halls. Anyways, my depression was severe too, and I thought the fatigue and abdominal/back pain would never go away. I was so short of breath, I labored with each breath, I was so metabolically depleted. The progress to health returning was SO slow, and I figured it might have been a 1% improvement every day. I slept in the chair for 6 weeks, could not lie down or turn on my side. I had shaking chills for 4 weeks. I hallucinated. In short, I would have taken the "black pill" if they had had it laying at my bedside. I told everyone never have this surgery. OK--flash forward 4 months--I now have my strength back, am even on the treadmill every day, have no shortness of breath, and my depression has turned to joy over the return of my health and the weight loss too (70 pounds in 4 months.) You MUST have faith that your health will return. It IS slow and barely noticeable, but you have so much to live for. Everyone that goes thru a complication has the same feelings of profound depression--I compared it to sudden onset of post traumatic stress syndrome, as even when I knew I was getting well, I would relive the horror over and over. Even that eventually subsided though too. You must force yourself to be more active, even if it is getting out of the chair and walking a loop around your house. The increase in activity was the hardest part for me, as I just wanted to hibernate. I too had a hard time getting off the narcotics and it was actually a self-weaning, slow process for me. When you feel strong again, you will no longer want them, plus all the discomfort is still an ongoing problem for you. Good luck and know that other people have suffered just like you and have pulled out of it. Recovery is slow, slow, slow. Accept that, try to let your body heal, and push the exercise a little every day.

I'm so glad to hear an update on how you are doing.  I look for a post from you each time I'm on OH.  Your story ha**** so many of us and we all want to hear how you are.  I'm sending prayers your way.  Please take it one day at a time and believe in your inner strength.  You WILL be happy again!