Reassuring my Husband after weight loss? Kinda long..

Babynesh05
on 6/5/11 4:09 am - Germany
 So My husband is not a really good talker when it comes to "feelings" and he can be very blunt about things he says. but I have gotten used to him the only problem is for about a week or so he was very crabby more than usual, he was not distant but he snapped a lot which led to stupid arguments. I mostly just let him be because he always says nothing is wrong. I became even more lovey towards him so he would understand that I was there for him even if he didnt want to talk. 

Well apparently that worked because the other day he finally said " have you noticed ive been snappier than usual?" of course I replied WHY YES I DID.. lol he said something had been on his mind, all of a sudden for like a week he kept thinking that I was using him or at least going to use him. That I will lose all my weight and get my degree and just leave. WTF?!  

I told him he had nothing to worry about, but I am not quite sure what else to to tell him to make him feel reassured?! I mean really we got together when I was 140 and he saw me at my Heighest of 244 and even when he started to become untattracted to me and we started having problems in our first year of marriage (yes he admitted that, and it did suck) he ended up loving me as I was and continued to stay with me and treat me no different. so much so he said that at first he was excited for me for the surgery and then he was not because he had gotten used to me. I had the surgery while he moved to our new duty station and I joined him 2 months later by then I had lost 40+lbs and he said everything about me was so different, he was a tad bit distant for a few days and then it was like everything was back to normal. Now here I am at 154 and he loves the way I look now and we both joke at my old photos because its quite a shock to see the comparisons..and he thinks I am just going to up and leave him?!

I dont think he realizes I dont have the time and patience to look for another man, I surely dont feel like starting over.. our relationship has blossomed by like 100 percent and we do so much more together. Not including we have a daughter together and I would not just pry her away because oh Ive done better for myself he means nothing to me now.. yeah no... I told him if I were to leave him it would be because we "both" called it quits or infidelity were involved.  

I wont lie I feel like things are going so well maybe they are going too well?! LOL if thats possible.. maybe he feels the same way?! I am just not sure what to say to him or how to show him I am NOT going anywhere..

Thanks for reading!

GW 1: 200 COMPLETED! 193-Feb 15th 2011
GW 2: 160 COMPLETED! 160-May 12th 2011
GW 3: 140 COMPLETED! 140-June 17th 2011
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Dawnie 88
on 6/5/11 4:42 am
have lots of conversations stating exactly what you did above. I think only time will prove to him that you aren't going anywhere.  Just keep showing him how much you love him..spoil him rotten!!

 

        
nsblue
on 6/5/11 4:53 am - Brookfield. NS, Canada
sounds like he is thinking on how you "may be" because he himself felt the wondering eye at one point...who knows. It's best not to ignore the situation though...work on your relationship together....make it a new beginning and both of you will benefit. His insecuries are steming from somewhere....and unless he fixes them, the problem, it will always be there.  Your weightloss isnt the problem IMO at all.... why would his faith be moved in you when you love him?

                         

 

        
Carly ~
on 6/5/11 5:02 am
 So glad you have such an amazing connection and open communication with your husband.
Maybe he's feeling a little insecure because you're such a hawt mama now -- and his own insecurities about himself cause him to wonder if you'll stay with him.
You're beautiful, your personality is shining through, no more backseats -- it's your newfound freedom and happiness with yourself that may take him awhile to get used to.
Be patient and loving with him, just as you have been.  
He'll realize... by the way you look at him -- that he's all you ever wanted.

Glad to know you have such a good man in your life!
All the best, and congrats on the new you!  You look amazing!
frisco
on 6/5/11 5:05 am
 
We men are very simple creatures......

I would say... keep the communications open...... keep talking about it.....

Give him  attention. security and love.....

And you will get it back 10 fold.....

frisco

SW 338lbs. GW 175lbs. Goal in 11 months. CW 148lbs. WL 190lbs.

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onehappygirl
on 6/5/11 5:57 am
Tell him you will stick by him thru thick and thin (pun intended) just like he stood by you thru thick and thin. 
(deactivated member)
on 6/5/11 6:00 am
 Frisco nailed it!
sianabob
on 6/5/11 7:10 am
You say duty station and I am on that very same wave length. .. we are at fort Hood. . Anyways my husband expressed the same feelings and I think that men in the military are fearful When they Have to deploy or when they return since they are afraid another dude will cone sweep us off our feet... my husband leaves in July and recently he has been saying just as your husband last time he left I was at my highest so I think he felt more secure... this time I guess its different.. I am not sure if they are in the same situation but I figured I would share
          
heathermc44
on 6/5/11 8:10 am - Bremerton, WA
I echo all the above posts but would like to add my 2 cents worth.  We've been married 23 years year, 18 spent in the Navy and now 5 years with him out and retired from the military and working on his second career.  He's seen me through my thinnest, heaviest and now back down.  I've gotten 2 degrees while married to him and am working on my career.  We have 2 girls still at home and a son in college.  I think what men need the most is RESPECT.  We need love and they need respect.  I would highly recommend the book, Love and Respect ( http://loveandrespect.com/)  it has opened my eyes to all the things we were doing wrong in our relationship.  Your husband probably wants to hear what a good provider he is, what a loving husband and father he is and how much you respect him as a man.  This is how men think.  They are all about what they do, not how they feel. Just keep loving him through it and telling him how much you love him and how thankful you are of him and I think he will get through this.  Also, remember that this is HIS problem, not yours. 

Good luck to you girlie!  You are doing amazingly and should feel really good about your accomplishments. 
    
Tipsynoodle
on 6/5/11 8:11 am - Kempner, TX
 frying pan upside the head helps sometimes........
  
    
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