Just spoke with my mother; ignorance must truly be bliss

I really need to vent and get this off my chest.

I'm scheduled to be sleeved in about 6 weeks (Dec. 6th), and today was a slow day at work (I have an office job), so I went online and tried to read all I could on how to become an empowered hospital patient.  As a result, I now feel much better about my upcoming surgery and hospital stay.  I know now the general order of events from admission to discharge. I also know that I should tell the anesthesiologist about my past issues with anesthesia, such as nausea and post-operative urinary retention; I will also do my best to politely ask everyone who sees me to wash their hands; and I put the name of the hospital ombudsman/patient representative in my cell phone contacts, just in case. Stuff like that. 

Anyway, I called my mother on my way home from work tonight and casually mentioned my online research .  I truly was not prepared for her reaction, as we normally have quite a close, congenial relationship. We actually got into a shouting match. At one point, she told me that I'm foolish for educating myself and should do what she did when she had RNY 2.5 years ago -- just go in blindly and trust the doctor and nurses and have no idea what's coming at me! I mean, of all people, I thought she would understand and appreciate my efforts to learn as much as I can.  (Not sure if this is relevant or not, but I have 3 college degrees; she has a HS diploma.)

So now I'm left wondering if she's the best person to have with me at the hospital -- will she advocate on my behalf if a nurse walks in my room when I'm asleep and doesn't wash his/her hands? Stuff like that.  As I see it, I have 2 choices:  a) let this pass and continue with my plans for her and my father to drive up to CT from FL and stay with me at the hospital and at my house for a few days after I'm discharged; or b) ask an assertive friend to stay with me at the hospital and hire a home health aide to check in on me for a few days postop, thereby creating WWIII in my family. Advice/insight would be welcome.

Thanks for letting me vent! Grrrrrr!  

Since you just had this argument with her, I would wait until the waters calmed before making any major decisions. Never act upon emotions. You might not feel the same way tomorrow.

Have a blessed one

Thanks -- no doubt very good advice in many situations, not just this one. I think I will let the waters calm before I say/do anything with regard to decisions.

Your mother sounds like my mother....except my mother has been deceased for 10 years.  I have learned there are two types of people in the world when it comes to health and medicine.  Those who want to know as much as possible and seek to learn everything about what is to be expected and those that don't want to know anything and prefer to keep their eyes closed during exams, don't want to know what is around the next medical corner so to speak.  You and I are the same way and our mothers are alike in context.  The thing you need to impart to your mom is what you expect of her if she accompanies you to the hospital and if she feels uncomfortable doing this then you need to let her know someone else will ALSO be there to insist on washed hands etc.  That way you have acknowledged her need to be there but also she has acknowledged your requirements too.  Just a side note, my husband is not the type to speak up for himself either when it comes to medical issues, he was burned quite badly a few years back (on his face) and the ER Dr came in, picked up a tube of antibacterial salve and put it on his burns BARE HANDED! My husband felt since the man was a DR he knew best.  When my husband was transfered to a burn center the next day there was already an infection going on.  Hospitals carry disease and germs like no other place so you are correct in requiring your medical staff to wash and wear gloves! 

Thanks, Stephanie. I think you're right about there being such a dichotomy among people into two groups.  I really like your advice about letting her know what I need from her at the hospital and if she's unwilling to do that, then letting her know that my friend will also be present at the hospital as well.

BTW, I hope your husband is 100% better.

Thank you again. Really appreciate your response.

I agree. Let things calm down before you decide. Maybe you could write her a letter just to explain why you feel the way you do. Then she might decide to think on it before talking to you. Less emotions.

On another note. I love your picture. I have mollucan ****atoos and I love every minute with them.

Thanks, Mandy.  The letter idea is a good one; I usually express myself better in writing than orally. I can be choosy about my words that way and not add gasoline to the fire.

Nice to meet another parrot lover; my umbrella ****atoo is the light of my life -- and the black hole where most of my disposable income goes! LOL

I don't think that the fact that you have 3 degrees and your mom only a high school diploma has  anything to do with it. She may be unaware of all the information that's out here now regarding wls or maybe she doesn't trust everything you read online. I don't think she literally meant for you to go in blindly, but maybe trust whatever the doctors and nurses tell you because maybe that's what she did. Don't jump to conclusions and make a hasty decision that you might regret later. Talk to your mom again once everything has calmed down.

Your frustration with your mother's reaction is completely understandable. We all want our thoughts/ideas/actions validated -- especially from our parents.  Is it possible your mother is worrying about how you will come through the surgery?

You said that she was a WLS patient several years ago and she went in blindly and trusting of the medical professionals.  That is not always a bad attitude to have if that is what works for her and her comfort. She apparently has a different way of doing things than the way you do things, but that doesn't make either of you "wrong".  Is it possible she thinks you are judging her for NOT doing the level of research that you have done? Just a thought...

I wouldn't give up on having your parents come to help you during and after your surgery.  If my parents were still living, I would have liked their support even if that support wasn't "perfect".

Good luck with everything!!

Thanks, Kristina.  You raise a good question.  You know, I think it is possible that she might think I'm judging her for not having done all the prep work and research that I'm doing before surgery.  Deep down, I guess I do find it odd that someone would NOT do the research beforehamd, but, like another poster said, I need to realize there are two schools of thought regarding this and perhaps her approach works for her and is comforting to her, just as my information gathering helps comfort me. Thank you.