I know I sound paranoid

I

I don't think you're paranoid... but I'm not sure that her motives sound entirely vindictive either. To people who have not had wls, those kinds of meals are not as big of a deal... they're just "taking a break" from a diet for the day. They have no concept of just how much it can mess us up to partake in this kind of stuff on a regular basis, even if they have had it explained to them... it just doesn't sink in (at least this was my experience).

As far as getting back on track, no time like the present! Drink a little extra water, burn a few extra calories, and be ready to start over tomorrow. Congrats on all of your progress so far... you can do this!

It doesn't matter what she cooks.

What matters is what you put in your mouth.

If this is sabatoge the way you win is by not eating cake (not even a small slice), sticking to what you need and not putting the rest on your plate.  If she serves your plates, shove it to the side, or eat one single bite of each thing and push the plate away.

Smile, visit, be nice.  Don't even act like anthing is wrong.

Drive her crazy.

And if she doesn't mean it that way and is just cooking the way she likes to eat, well, you still win.

 Agreed with above.  You may not be able to control what someone else makes, but you can control what you eat.

I had a slighly different situation on my last Birthday.  My family was being totally supportive.  They were not having any cake or Ice Cream.  No candles.  Just a small family dinner.

It just didn't feel like a birthday.  I went to Wal-Mart, bought a cake, Ice Cream, and Candles.  We celebrated my birthday like our tradition has always been.  The only exception was that I didn't eat any cake or Ice Cream.  Not even a finger swipe at the frosting.  I had decided early on, that changing my life did not mean that every one around me had to change theirs, even if they were willing to for my sake.

I still love food.  I love making it for others.  While working on myself I have made many things for others that I cannot have myself right now, from entree's to deserts.  I can still enjoy making it and letting those I love enjoy it.  I have even started working to tweak my favorite recipes to make them more healthy - in some cases even bariatric friendly.

For me, having WLS surgery and fighting my obesity does not mean that I have to absent myself from social events or situations where food I can not have may be present.  I have to work on and manage my relationship with food.  I can still have food for pleasure as well as nutrition.  Its a matter of combining the two in a healthy way.  Specifically that last part means not using food as an emotional crutch, which I never thought I did until starting this journey.